


Pretty Boy

by blackimpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bottom Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, From Sex to Love, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Minor Character Death, Prostitute Dean, Prostitution, Slow Burn, Top Castiel, that's a sarcasm, there's a happy ending, there's going to be a lot of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-15 17:36:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 176,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2237661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackimpala/pseuds/blackimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean works in secret as a prostitute, struggling through coping on his own, paying the bills and saving for Sam to go to college. He hates his job. That changes when one night he meets Castiel, a strange but handsome man who is looking for a prostitute to work exclusively for him. The moment Dean meets him, he knows that Castiel is different. He isn't like any of those other men. Although it’s only sex between them, both of them can’t help but like each other. Slowly, they grow to something beyond sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I say this in every fic I write, but my mother tongue isn't English, so I apologize if there are some grammar mistakes with any preposition or in the use of any phrasal verb.
> 
> I'm working on this, so I'm not sure when I'm going to update this fic, hopefully, twice a month at least.
> 
> This fic is Dean/Cas, the other ships just happen but I won't focus on them. Maybe a little, but not so much.
> 
> And I think that's all, enjoy it :)

It’s Saturday night which means that Dean has to go to the Red Candy Club to work; of course, Sam doesn’t know about this. Dean has lied about his work to Sam since he started to work the year he turned 18. All Sam knows about Dean’s job is that he works in a really expensive bar. Dean is now 21, so he has been lying his little brother for three years.

But it isn’t a bar, well, it _has_ a bar, but it isn’t the main attraction in this place. The Red Candy Club is a place where men go to find a man or several men they like and they pay for sex. Dean is one of their whores, and he is an expensive prostitute. Like all the prostitutes working at the Red Candy Club, a standard night costs $200 and the price creeps higher if the client is paying to have sex outside the club. There are rooms inside the club and it is the safest place, but there are clients that don’t like it, so they take the whores outside, to their houses or to expensive hotel rooms. Dean has been in the club’s rooms, in big houses and in expensive hotel rooms.

Dean is sitting on one of the black couches with his legs stretched out on it. It isn’t too late, so most of the clients haven’t arrived yet, they must be at work or having dinner at home; they will make their excuses and sneak to the Red Candy Club.

Dean is waiting for someone to find him appetizing. Dean isn’t reserved for tonight. Sometimes clients call to the club and they ask for a particular whore that night; they give the directions or the room numbers in the club that the whore has to go and they follow. Dean is fully booked sometimes; he has some regulars but not tonight. Tonight isn’t one of those special nights, it’s quiet and he has to wait until someone decides Dean is what he is looking for.

He looks around. The worst part is waiting, just sitting or wandering. It’s really boring. He wishes he could do something while he waits for someone to come over and buy his services. 

As he waits he wonders what Sam is doing. It’s Saturday night, so Sam must be taking a rest after doing all his homework, he bets he is making some popcorn and watching a TV series or a movie. Dean wishes he could do that with Sam more often, but he always works on Friday and Saturday nights. He has to pay for his college education; Dean is studying mechanical engineering in the University of Kansas. He has to pay the bills, his father John only appears once in a while, always in a bad mood and drunk. Dean is the only one maintaining himself and Sam. Thanks to Dean’s job they can pay the bills, buy food and live comfortably as well as pay Dean’s college fees. And next year, Dean will pay for Sam’s education too.

Bobby once offered him to work at his garage because Dean loves cars, but the money wasn’t enough for everything Dean has to pay. He always gets at least $200 per night, there are rarely boring nights when he doesn’t get any money. Usually, he finds a couple of clients and he earns a lot of money a night. He works every Friday and Saturday in the month, which means that he earns at least $1600 in a month. It isn’t the best job in the world, Dean is well aware of that, but it’s one of the highest paying. If doing it means he can pay for his and Sam’s studies and everything they need to maintain a house, Dean won’t complain and is willing to do anything.

Dean is still on the couch. He’s wearing a black tight t-shirt and short jeans. He knows men like his long, freckled legs and his soft skin. Tonight he chose his Martens boots, the black ones, which give him a dirty rock star look. He usually wears clothes like that when he has to work here; it grabs attention and some clients like seeing Dean like that. Of course, he gets ready at the club, if Sam was to see how he dressed for work, he would be suspicious.

Dean’s eyes travel around the room and he suddenly sees a familiar face. His whole body tenses and a shiver runs down his spine. It’s Alastair.

“Fuck,” Dean murmurs.

He stands up from the couch, trying to slip past those cruel eyes. Most of the whores here know Alastair, and unfortunately Dean is one of those whores. Alastair paid for a night with him and he suffered a lot. That guy likes to hurt whores. The men who come to the Red Candy Club have some weird kinks, but Alastair has the cruelest ones. He likes to tie his whores with sharp, piercing things –too tight ropes and sometimes wire. He likes to cut them, not too deep but deep enough they will never forget. He’s even been known to burn whores with a hot iron bar.

Dean once unfortunately caught him on a bad day; he suffered because he didn’t want to be burnt. Alastair beat the shit out of him, he kicked him until he was unconscious and his body was a mess of wounds, blood, bruises and broken bones.

Dean managed to escape before it was too late. He got lucky, even with a broken rib; he knows a couple of whores that weren’t strong enough as they suffered Alastair’s rage.

Alastair can’t get into the club, his entrance is forbidden. The woman who takes bookings knows his voice off by heart; he always calls and she always refuses to give him a whore. He’s very persistent and sometimes he manages to get a whore and today he has managed to get into the club. That bastard. 

Dean walks towards Gabriel’s office he’s the guy who runs the club. He's a weird guy but he cares about the prostitutes more than a lot of people. He has rules with the clients, always condoms, no blood, and no damage and when a whore says no then it means no. He always says to the clients, “just because he’s a whore doesn’t mean he isn’t a human being.” If client’s treat the staff like shit, Gabriel doesn’t hesitate to kick them out.

Gabriel is an understanding boss, he makes sure that his prostitutes are fine, that nothing’s wrong. If he sees that something isn’t right; he talks to them and comforts them. And when they feel like fucking shit, he gives them the day off. He knows this work is hard enough for the whores; they don’t need to have any more shit. Prostitutes work there because they need the money, this is the quickest way for that but it isn’t always the easiest.

Dean doesn’t knock the door, he knows that Gabriel hates being interrupted but this is important. He opens Gabriel’s office door and he sees the golden eyed man talking with another man who is sat with his back to Dean.

Gabriel frowns and glares Dean. “Dean, you could have at least knocked the door,” Gabriel says a bit annoyed and slipping some sass though his tone.

“Alastair is here,” Dean simply says, ignoring Gabriel’s reproaching tune.

Gabriel’s face shocks and he stands up. “How did he—?” He grunts. He hates Alastair; he knows how cruel and sadistic he is. “Wait here, the two of you. I’ll take charge of this.” His voice is serious; Gabriel is always joking and teasing, so he must be really pissed off.

The golden eyed man gets out of his office extremely fast and he closes the door behind him, leaving Dean and the other man inside. Dean takes a deep breath and he rests his back on one of the walls. The man who is sitting in front of Gabriel’s desk turns to look at Dean. He meets the blue eyes of the man.

“Are you okay?” the blue eyed man asks with a concerned voice.

Dean is a bit shocked by the question. Usually, the men who come to the club don’t ask things like that. But this man with those too-fucking-blue eyes seems to have a worry that a lot of people lack. 

“Yeah,” Dean simply says.

The man nods. Dean sees how the blue eyes do a quick trip along his body, trying not to be too noticeable, before they return to Dean’s face. “What’s your name?” The question comes soft and gently, caressing Dean in a nice way. He isn’t used to hearing men talking to him like that, usually they have a terribly harsh voice.

“Dean. Dean Winchester,” he answers. “You?”

“Castiel Novak.”

“Castiel?” Dean makes a confused face. It is a really weird name. He hasn’t heard it before.

Castiel chuckles and Dean can tell that his cheeks turn into a slight blush, which in Dean’s opinion, make Castiel look quite attractive. “It is a strange name. I know.”

Dean chuckles and he looks down at his feet. The guy is really attractive and that blue stare is so intense. Dean has seen really lascivious sights, eyes full of rage, clients looking at him dirtily, he is used to be stared for too long, but he can’t with that gentle and intense sight. It kind of makes Dean feel exposed and he doesn’t know why. It is really odd.

Gabriel opens the door after a while and Dean and Castiel move their eyes to it. Gabriel inhales sharply and he closes the door. “Okay, that douche is gone. Next time we will be more cautious,” Gabriel says looking at Dean. “You can leave now, Dean.”

“Wait,” Castiel says standing up.

Dean gives him a confused look but he reviews the guy; Castiel is a few inches shorter than Dean. He is wearing a suit that lets Dean to see the curves of his muscles under it; the guy is in shape. Also he has some stubble on his jaw which makes him look more attractive, his lips are pink and kissable. Dean wouldn’t mind feeling those lips on his. Castiel looks so neat, but his hair is a black mess, a big contrast from the rest of him, something that makes him look really cute.

Castiel approaches Gabriel a little, keeping some space between both of them. He looks directly at Gabriel before he speaks. “Is he available for what I’m looking for?” he asks in a serious voice. It isn’t as soft as when he was talking with Dean. He sounds serious and respectful.

Gabriel looks at Dean with a pout, analyzing Dean with his observant eyes. “He hasn’t done anything like that before.”

Now Castiel looks directly at Dean. “I would like to discuss it with you, Dean.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Dean squeezes his eyes in confusion. He doesn’t know what Castiel has in mind. It could be anything. Gabriel offers different services. But the prostitutes must agree to do it. It is one of the rules; a client and a prostitute must discuss what the client has in mind and then, the prostitute will say if he agrees or not.

“Castiel wants a whore,” Gabriel explains. He is always too direct when it comes to explaining things. He likes to get to the point. “But he wants someone who only works for him. No other clients, just him. You will have sex with him and do anything he wants you to do, as long as you agree with it. You’ll have to work at his house.” Gabriel adds.

“I see,” Dean says looking at Castiel, trying to read his face.

“Well?” Castiel asks with a curious voice.

Dean takes a deep breath and he makes a thoughtful grimace. Honestly, he has thought about this, about working for one client, because he would get used to them and know what’s expected; no hard or bad surprises. But Dean hasn’t found a proper man for that. The few clients that he has ‘liked’ having sex with, weren’t the best. Enjoying the job makes it easier, but sometimes, men aren’t considerate or gentle and Dean has ended up with a couple of bruises and has been sore for days. A couple of men treat him good, but they don’t come by often enough. He has had some bad experiences, not to mention Alastair…

Dean looks at Castiel; he doesn’t seem to be a bad guy. The man is fucking attractive and also, Dean would have guaranteed work every week. He’ll also earn more because it’s outside the club. The offer is quite interesting.

“Friday and Saturday nights. I start at nine p.m. and I finish around three a.m.”

“Good. Would you be comfortable with coming to my house at nine p.m. every Friday and Saturday?” He sounds happier as he talks. Dean knows that the guy likes him, but he tries not to sound too happy in front of him. Dean hasn’t confirmed anything yet but Dean knows he is going to accept; the offer is so tempting.

“Yeah,” he says nodding. Dean is quite confused and shocked about Castiel asking if he is comfortable and things like that. Usually, men just say ‘come here’, without caring, but Castiel is being considerate.

“Okay. I will pay $500 per night for your services,” Castiel says. Dean’s eyes widen in shock. More than double for working one night in the club. “I see that you find it fair enough.”

“Fuck yeah!” he says with a happy smile. Working two days a week and a fixed earning of $500 is great! If Castiel turns out to be a good guy, it will be awesome. Castiel even smiles a little. “But before we sign everything and all that stuff, I have some conditions.” Dean clears his throat and tries to sound serious. He needs to settle some things before they sign the contract.

“Of course, tell me.” There’s that gentle tune again. Dean is still puzzled by Castiel’s consideration and cordiality. Other men aren’t like this. They just try to be cold and serious, as if Dean is an object. But Castiel is talking and looking at him as if he was just another person. In this job, that’s too fucking strange to see.

“No burning me, no cutting me, no striking or breaking my bones,” Dean says deadly serious. As he says it, he pays attention to Castiel’s facial expression.

Castiel looks horrified by that. “I’m not going to do any of that to you.” He seems so hurt at the idea of hurting Dean, as if it’s the worst thing he’s ever heard. “I’m not going to hurt you in anyway. I promise. No burning, no knives, nothing that can make you bleed, nothing that can ever hurt you.” Even those blue eyes get a little glassy with that. Dean knows that Castiel is imagining how painful that can be and he must be feeling a bit of pity for Dean.

“Good,” Dean simply says.

“Then, both of you agree with this?” Gabriel says with curious eyes that wander between Dean and Castiel.

“Yes,” Dean and Castiel say at the same time looking at the shortest man. Then, Dean looks at Castiel again. There’s something different about him. Dean has seen a lot of men coming into the Red Candy Club, he has had sex with most of them, but not one of them looked like Castiel. Dean sees something different in those eyes and he doesn’t know what it is exactly.

Being a whore isn’t easy, although working in Gabriel’s club makes it a little bit easier. Nevertheless, Dean has met some guys that aren’t precisely nice guys and Dean has learnt to look into the client’s eyes to know a bit about what’s in store that night for him. Usually, Dean guesses it, he is barely wrong about the first impression of a client by the look of their eyes. That’s why he constantly checks Castiel’s eyes, because he has something that Dean hasn’t seen before in anyone. It makes him wonder why Castiel is here. He doesn’t seem the type.

Dean has seen dirty looks, eyes eager and full of anticipation, lascivious eyes that mentally take off all of Dean’s clothes. Some eyes are full of desire and secret perverted kinks, others craving for possession and power. But Castiel’s eyes are mysterious, there’s sweetness in them.

Castiel and Dean sign the contract, a document that assigns the wage - $500 per night, the hours, and highlights Dean and Castiel’s contractual obligations.

Once everything is signed, Gabriel leaves them so they can talk about a few things they need to discuss. Before Castiel speaks, his curious eyes wander to Dean’s face. Dean knows the guy is trying to read him, trying to know if Dean is comfortable with this. Dean is still bewildered about Castiel’s concern.

“Are you okay with this?” Castiel asks with a tiny concerned look.

“Yeah,” Dean says, convinced. He doesn’t know Castiel but he kind of trusts him; he inspires him some trust that other clients don’t. They don’t know each other yet, but there’s something about him. He hopes he isn’t wrong. “If I wasn’t okay I wouldn’t have signed,” he comments.

“Good.” He nods. Then, he starts to search in one of his blazer’s pockets for something. When he finds it, Dean sees it’s a pen. Castiel looks at Gabriel’s table and he picks one of the yellow post-its. He starts to write, he hands the yellow piece of paper to Dean. 

“That’s where I live,” he starts to explain. Dean knows the place; it’s one of the quietest neighborhoods of Kansas City, where people who are quite wealthy live. “I will see you on Friday at nine p.m.”

“Okay.” He looks at Castiel, who has a tiny smile on his lips, almost unnoticeable. “Should I wear something special, or…?” Dean knows some guys like their whores to wear different things. Maybe Castiel wants it too.

“No. It’s not necessary,” he says with a thoughtful grimace. “Although I would appreciate it if when you came to my apartment you wear longer pants.” His eyes drop to Dean’s legs, tracing down them and then flashing up until his eyes focus on Dean’s face again. “I don’t want to call any attention.”

“I know, yeah,” Dean says with a smirk. “I was thinking about wearing normal clothes. Discretion is something needed for both of us,” he adds. Dean only wears his too-freaking-short-tight jeans when he is at the club. He normally wears bootcut jeans, a shirt and a t-shirt, he likes to dress simple.

Castiel’s lips draw a pretty smile. “It’s nice to hear that.” He makes a small pause. “Is there anything else you want to discuss or talk about?”

Dean makes a thoughtful grimace. “I guess not.”

“Then, I’ll see you on Friday night in my apartment.” He buttons up his blazer and he goes towards the door. “See you next week, Dean.”

“See you, Cas”

Castiel makes a shy smile with the pet name. Dean knows he shouldn’t do things like that but Castiel didn’t seem to mind. He seems so different from how the clients Dean has worked for are supposed to be. Maybe in the bedroom he will be just like any other guy. Dean doesn’t know yet; he will know when next week arrives.

Dean gets out of Gabriel’s office and he goes back to the main lounge where he saw Alastair. The couch is now occupied by two guys making out, so Dean walks to the divan. He won’t be Castiel’s official whore until next week and Dean has to earn money for tonight. If Castiel likes him, this will be Dean’s last night being fucked by strangers; now he will only have to answer to Castiel.


	2. Chapter 2

“Sammy, c’mon! Breakfast’s ready!” Dean shouts from the kitchen as he serves two freshly made pancakes to his little brother’s plate.

“Hold on a second!” Sam yells from the bathroom.

Dean rolls his eyes. His little brother takes a lot of time in the bathroom; that’s why Dean is the first to get there when their alarm clocks ring. “Stop combing your stupid hair to make it shine!”

“Shut up, jerk!”

“Bitch!” He can’t help smiling. Dean loves when they insult each other like that. Strangers would think that they are being disrespectful, but the truth is that each insult is meant fondly.

Finally Sam appears in the kitchen and he sits in his usual spot, in front of Dean who has already started his breakfast a few minutes ago. “One of these days I’m gonna put bleach in your shampoo,” Dean says, around a mouthful of food.

“Do that and I’ll do something to the Impala,” Sam warns.

Dean glares his little brother with his fiercest eyes. “It will be the last thing you do.”

Sam chuckles and he rolls his eyes. As he eats, he asks. “You’ve got that new turn tonight, right?”

Dean nods. He’s explained to Sam that they’ve assigned him a new turn at work, he’ll be doing something different and it will pay him a little more. “Yeah. I don’t know when I’ll get home.”

“They could at least have told you that,” he mumbles as he chews the pancake. He has the same bad habit as Dean, talking with his mouth full. 

They don’t normally have a lot of time to have breakfast, once they wake up and go through the monotonous routine of making their beds, showering and getting themselves ready for the day, Dean has little time to make breakfast, normally they rush as they eat it. Sam always insists on quickly washing the dishes, he doesn’t want to make more work for his big brother. Dean drives Sam to high school and then goes to college. So today it’s great that he gets to spend this time with Sam, to cook him pancakes.

“Don’t worry, I won’t arrive later than usual,” he says. He doesn’t know what Cas has in mind as it’s going to be their first night together, so Dean can expect anything. “If everything goes well, they’ll keep me in that turn and I’ll earn more.”

“I don’t know how you do it Dean. You work hard with your engineering and you can’t relax on weekends,” Sam says, sounding worried. Dean knows that his little brother wishes that he could take more time off, but if Dean doesn’t work, who is going to keep paying the bills? Sam needs to have all the facilities Dean never had.

“I’ve got Sunday’s off,” he says. Sam is about to say something but Dean interrupts him. “Don’t worry Sammy. I’ve been doing this for years, I can handle it,” he says cheerfully. Sam doesn’t seem too convinced; he worries too much about Dean. “Now stop that puppy face of yours and eat. We’re gonna be late.”

They finish their breakfast, as rushed as always. Sam washes the dishes while Dean looks for his books and his notebooks in his bedroom. When he has everything, he hands Sam his backpack and they go to Dean’s car, a 1967 Chevrolet Impala. Like every single morning, Sam tries to turn up the radio instead of listening to Dean’s rock tapes, but Dean doesn’t let him.

After driving Sam to high school, Dean drives to college. He parks the car and he runs towards the classroom. He isn’t late, but sometimes the professor arrives sooner than he should. Dean likes to arrive early and sit away from the rest of his classmates. Dean doesn’t have friends in his classes, he’s a guy who likes rock music, nerdy stuff and he doesn’t like parties or sports, so people don’t find him interesting. They only talk to him when they have to work in groups, that’s all.

The classes go as always - boring. The professors don’t know how to make it interesting, they explain everything with tuneless, monotone voices and really slowly. Dean sometimes thinks they assign the most unmotivated professors to him.

At lunch Dean goes to the cafeteria, he waits there for his best friend, Charlie. He knows her from high school. She’s studying computer engineering. She’s the only person here worth talking to. Both of them are huge nerds so they get on pretty well. They’ve known each other for years and they’ve always got on pretty well. Charlie, next to Sam, is one of the few people that makes Dean’s days easier.

“Hello bitch,” Charlie greets, sitting on the chair in front of Dean. She is always smiling in a cute and adorable way. She throws her backpack to the floor and leaves the food tray on the table.

“Hey, Charlie. I must admit that I’m surprised you’re bothering to come to college every day this year,” Dean teases with a smirk. The college course started a couple of weeks ago and Charlie’s attendance is a lot better than last year.

Charlie sticks out her tongue and Dean laughs. “ I come every single day because I don’t like leaving you alone with these muggles,” she explains with an obvious look. Dean chuckles. “I didn’t attempt all the classes last year, and I’m not attempting all of them this year either. I come because of you and the fast internet connection.”

“How the hell do you pass all your subjects?” he says annoyed. If Dean misses just one class, he’s lost. Charlie on the other hand can miss all of them and get high marks. Dean wishes it could be that easy for him, then he could take some free time for himself once in a while.

“Because I’m awesome,” she says stroking her long red hair in a proud way. “I’m master Yoda and you are my padawan.”

“Hey, I’m a Jedi already!” Dean says annoyed and arching a brow.

Charlie laughs in her hysterical way. “Okay. You are a jedi, but I control the force better than you.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Anyway, I still don’t understand how you get those fucking high marks if you barely go to classes.”

“These guys are just amateurs,” she starts to say as if she was insulted. She leans over so Dean can hear her. “The other day I hacked all the computers from the library and it took them three hours to fix them,” she whispers. “I’ve got friends who would have fixed them in less than thirty minutes.”

“One of these days you are gonna get expelled,” he warns. He knows that Charlie is really good, but she gets a bit reckless when she wants to experiment with the college’s network.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” She makes a proud smile. “Are you busy tonight?”

“Y’know I work every Friday and Saturday night,” he says. Charlie doesn’t know about his real job; she knows the same as Sam. He tells the same lie to every single person that asks him about his job, especially Bobby and his father John.

Charlie makes an exasperated grunt. “Dude, I’m hosting a Doctor Who marathon tonight with some friends! I was expecting you!”

“Charlie, I’m sorry, but—”

“I know. You have to work. I forgot it, sorry,” she says disappointed. “I know you need to work because you have to pay for everything.” She makes a sad face. “It’s just that I hate you have to do all of that. You are busy ninety percent of the time. You need a break once in a while.” Dean is about to say something, but Charlie raises her hand and keeps talking. “Don’t tell me that you have Sundays, I know you do, I spend most of those Sundays at your place, but it isn’t enough for your hectic life. You deserve good things, Dean, you are a great guy.”

“Shut up, Charlie.” He dodges Charlie’s eyes. Dean isn’t too comfortable when people say things like that. He is too used to people telling him that he isn’t good enough. “It’s what I have to do.”

“Yeah, I know, but—” She takes a deep breath. “One of these days I’m going to do something awesome and it will be when you aren’t working and you will come want it or not.”

Dean chuckles. “Okay.”

“And by the way, how’s work doing?” she asks interested.

Dean shrugs. “Good. Tonight I’m gonna try a new turn. They pay me more and if I do it right, I will keep doing it.”

“Wow. All those rich and fancy people seem to like you a lot,” she says impressed.

“Yeah, it seems,” Dean says, trying to sound casual, when in fact he is a bit nervous about tonight. He has slept with a lot of guys, but this is different and new and he doesn’t know how it’s going to be.

He must say that when he saw Cas, he liked him, not only because the guy is freaking hot, but because in his eyes there was something good. Dean had a lot of bad experiences with a lot of clients, and the way they looked at Dean revealed how terrible those clients were, but there was something in Cas’ eyes that calmed Dean. He doesn’t fully trust him, he isn’t an idiot; Cas could be a complete psycho, but his eyes were telling him otherwise. He seemed as if he cared about Dean, as if he wanted him to be comfortable with the agreement; Cas showed him humanity that Dean had never saw before in a client.

“Don’t worry, you’ll do awesome.” Charlie cheers. She always knows when Dean is nervous. “They wouldn’t have offered you it if they didn’t think you weren’t capable of it, right?”

“Right. But I don’t know. I don’t want to fuck anything up.”

“Don’t let the feelings screw with you my young jedi,” she says in a deep voice, something that makes Dean laugh loudly. “Don’t laugh at me!”

“Sorry, but that voice doesn’t suit you!” Dean laughs out. When his laughter is fading away, he talks again. “I hope I’ll be good enough.”

“You will be.”

 

Dean looks at himself in the mirror. He’s wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, a gray plaid shirt, dark jeans and his boots. He runs his fingers through his hair, trying to comb it. He doesn’t know why he is taking this time with this. Cas told him to wear normal clothes, but once he’s in Cas’ apartment, Dean is sure that clothes won’t matter a lot. If Cas doesn’t like how Dean looks, he will tell him.

Dean goes downstairs; he still needs to have dinner. He will make some pasta for him and for Sam. Dean likes to cook, he cooks pretty good; the result of being forced to cook at four. It makes Dean feel calm, but he’s still nervous about tonight. He doesn’t know why. He’s been naked in front of a lot of guys, nameless guys, guys that Dean doesn’t even remember their faces anymore. He has been fucked and exposed with a lot of dudes, then, why is he so nervous tonight? It’s just another guy.

“Relax, Dean, you are going to do fine.” Sam interrupts his thoughts and Dean startles a bit; he was too immersed in his own head.

Dean takes a deep breath and adds the pasta into the boiling water. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam sasses with his sarcastic grin. Dean glares him and goes towards the fridge to grab the tomato sauce Dean uses, his own secret recipe. “Dean, you are too nervous, I can see it.”

“I am not.” But his voice is high pitched and that only confirms what Sam said. “Shut up,” Dean warns. He doesn’t want his brother to give him a calming speech; mostly because Sam hasn’t got any idea about Dean’s job.

“Are you always this nice with your clients?” he asks sassily and arching a brow. Dean bites the inner of his cheeks to avoid saying something stupid or something that he will regret.

“Got any plans for tonight?” Dean asks, trying to change the subject. He always tries to avoid talking about his job as much as he can, usually to avoid questions that will screw his front. Sometimes he mentions something, he makes up something convincing, but nothing else. The less people that know about his fake job, the better.

“No. I’ll read a bit, do some homework and watch TV if I’m not sleepy,” he explains, rubbing his eyes. “Maybe tomorrow I’ll go out with the guys.”

“Sounds good."

Sometimes Sam doesn’t go out too much because he doesn’t have money, but Dean always keeps some money in a box; it’s referred to as their money for “nerd stuff and cool things”, as neatly labeled across the box. If Dean has a night where he earns more money than usual, he saves one hundred dollars there and he and Sam use that money for treats. Sam says that it isn’t fair that Dean lets him use his money to go out without him, but Dean always tells him that it is okay, that he wouldn’t save money there if they couldn’t afford it. Whenever they can, the brothers like to go out to have dinner or watch a movie.

They have dinner when it is ready. Sam washes the dishes as Dean goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He looks at himself in the mirror again, checking for something that might be wrong. He is really nervous. Dean takes a deep breath and he leaves the bathroom. He sees that Sam is already on the couch reading.

“See you, Sam,” Dean says, opening the main door and grabbing his keys.

“Have a good night,” Sam says with a pretty smile.

Dean just waves his hand and he closes the door. _I hope it is._

Dean inhales sharply and he walks towards his car. Castiel’s house is quite far from where Dean lives, so it is better to pick the car. Also, Dean always takes his car to work, if he left it on the street in front of the house, Sam will suspect.

As Dean is getting closer to Castiel’s house, he feels more and more nervous. His hands are sweating; he wipes off them on his jeans, fidgeting. What is wrong with him today? The only difference from the rest of the nights is that he is going to have sex in Cas’ apartment and he will have to do that twice a week. It is the unknown what makes him feel nervous and even a bit scared. Cas seems to be a good guy, but what if he isn’t? He really doesn’t want a bad experience like the one he had with Alastair.

Finally, Dean arrives. He parks in front of the building and he gets out of the car. Castiel lives on the fifth floor. Dean enters the building and he waits for the elevator. The place is really nice. Dean looks around the hall as he waits for the elevator. Castiel must be quite rich, he must be... he is paying Dean five hundred dollars per night…

The elevator doors are opened and Dean steps inside. He presses the button and the elevator lifts. When the doors are open, he finds himself in a hallway. There are two doors, one in front of another, separated by several feet. Dean picks the post-it Castiel gave him and he sees that he has to go to the left door.

Before he rings the bell, Dean takes another deep breath, trying to calm himself. Finally, he rings the bell and he waits nervously. The door soon opens and he sees Castiel, with messier hair than last time; he is also wearing black dress pants and a light blue shirt with the two upper buttons unbuttoned. Dean swears that Castiel looks so fucking sexy.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel greets with a soft smile on his lips. “Please, come in.” He opens the door more and with his hand he makes a gesture for Dean to come in.

“Thanks,” Dean says, stepping inside. Castiel closes the door and Dean turns to face him. “I’m not sure if I am dressed the way you wanted,” he says a bit shyly. He feels a bit awkward. It is their first night and he knows this will be like some kind of sexual presentation. It will be a bit awkward until both of them get to know each other.

“Yes, it’s perfect,” Castiel says. “Before we start, I want us to sit down and discuss some things, if you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t mind.” He is trying too hard not to sound nervous or anything. He is looking at Castiel’s eyes; they relax him a bit, but also they make him feel nervous. It is weird.

“Good.” Castiel starts to walk and Dean follows him. They arrive to the living room, which is freaking huge. There’s also a kitchen on the left side. The apartment looks warmer than any other ones Dean’s been at. The walls are painted in a soft cream color with pretty watercolors on them and the furniture isn’t the kind of that crap you find in modern magazines; Cas has a nice pretty big apartment.

Castiel sits down on the black couch and Dean does the same. Castiel looks at his eyes and he arches an eyebrow. “You are nervous.” It isn’t a question but a statement. It doesn’t sound malicious, it sounds like an observation.

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, a bit. This is new to me and y’know, I don’t know you yet,” he confesses. He rubs the back of his neck; it is a nervous habit he has.

“I understand. I don’t know you yet either.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t be nervous.”

“Dean, you don’t have to apologize. It is understandable that you are a bit nervous about this. We are two strangers.”

Dean gives him a confused look. Another client would have mocked him or say some stupid comment. Maybe Castiel is nervous too. Dean doesn’t know. He clears his throat and he asks, “What do you want to talk about before we start?”

“It is our first night together, so the dynamic will be different from what I would like it to be from the following nights. Tonight it will be like some kind of introduction to know about each other during sex,” Castiel starts to explain. “It’s just a way to feel comfortable with each other and gain trust, because if we don’t trust each other, this won’t work.”

“Okay,” Dean says, nodding. Seriously, Castiel isn’t like any other client he has been with. Usually, clients never explain anything, they don’t need to let Dean know any reason, they just fuck him and tell him what they want to. “What about the rest of nights?”

“Once you are here, in the living room, I would like you to strip and leave your clothes on that armchair. Are you comfortable with that?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Then I will tell you to do something, or to go to the bedroom and prepare for myself, or just stay around until we get into the bedroom,” Castiel explains calmly without taking his sight from Dean’s eyes.

“All right,” Dean says. For now, everything Castiel is saying is okay with Dean.

“Good,” he says again. “How do you feel about bondage?”

“I’m okay as long as you don’t use anything that tears my skin apart.” He looks down and he remembers the marks Alastair left on his skin when he tied him with a spiky belt on his wrists and ankles. Alastair had tightened the belts so hard that Dean had bled. 

“I use ties. Sometimes handcuffs.” His voice sounds worried.

“Then that’s great.” Dean makes a tiny smile. Ties are soft and handcuffs can leave a slight mark, but it isn’t painful.

Castiel looks relieved to hear that. He smiles and then he keeps talking. “Dean, if I ever do something that hurts you or causes you any pain, tell me and I will stop. I have no desire to cause you any pain at all.” He sounds too concerned and serious. His eyes show that he means those words.

“Thanks, Cas. Not everyone is that considered,” he says, blushing a little.

“Yeah, well…” He looks down and sighs.

“And what happens after we are done?” Dean asks. Dean is used to having sex and then leaving. It is always like that, but this isn’t his usual job. Maybe Castiel wants him to stick around or to sleep with him? Dean hasn’t slept in the same bed as someone after sex for years.

“You leave.”

“Okay,” Dean says, nodding. “Anything else?” Dean asks curious.

“Just one thing,” he says with a tiny smirk appearing on his lips. Dean is expecting Cas to keep talking, but instead, Castiel cups Dean’s face and he kisses him. It’s a sweet kiss and Dean kisses him back, tasting Castiel’s tender lips. He’s a good kisser and his lips against Dean’s feel good. When Castiel pulls away and he opens his eyes, Dean can see his pupils are starting to blow up. “How about we start?” he suggests.

“Yeah,” Dean says making a content smile. Castiel stands up and Dean stands up. The moment Dean is standing, Castiel kisses him again, wrapping his hands around the small of Dean’s back, fingertips trying to sneak under the clothes to feel Dean’s skin. Castiel is eager to touch him. “Cas,” Dean says pulling away.

“Yeah?” Castiel asks, a bit serious.

“Is there something I’m not allowed to do?” Some clients don’t want Dean to say certain words during sex, or not to touch the client, just to say still.

“You are free to do whatever you want tonight Dean,” Castiel says. He bites Dean’s lower lip and Dean gasps. “Touch me, kiss me, whatever you want.” He kisses Dean in a breathtaking way and Dean has to fist the back of Castiel’s shirt to keep himself in place.

Castiel smirks when he pulls away, then he grabs Dean’s wrist and he pulls him into the bedroom, which is pretty big. There are some watercolor drawings on the walls, a big wardrobe, two bedside tables at each side of the king sized bed and a small library with books and records.

“Strip,” Castiel says with eyes full of lust.

Dean starts to take off his boots and then his clothes under Castiel’s attentive sight. Dean doesn’t take his eyes from Castiel’s, which are following with his complete attention, every move Dean makes. As Dean gets naked, Castiel’s eyes are filled with more lust and his pupils dilate even more. Those sapphires trace down every inch of skin that Dean reveals as he takes his clothes off.

When Dean is fully naked, Castiel bites his lower lip as he looks at Dean’s naked body. Dean can see that Cas likes what he sees. He even smiles in a satisfactory way when his eyes have finished the tour along his freckled body.

“You are beautiful,” Castiel simply says. There’s admiration in his voice. Dean chuckles and he doesn’t say anything, he tries so hard to fight against the flush that wants to appear on his cheeks; men never call him beautiful. Pretty was the word the used, not beautiful. Castiel takes off his shoes and his socks. Then, he grabs Dean’s hands and he places them on his shirt. “Strip me, slowly,” he says, his voice sounding too fucking sexy.

Dean nods and he starts to unbutton the shirt. Soon there’s skin revealed and Dean must admit that he really likes his chest. Castiel observes him with eager eyes. Dean now goes to Castiel’s dress pants and he unzips them, easily and slowly, feeling on his fingers a soft graze of Castiel’s groin. Castiel kicks the dress pants away. Dean now takes off Castiel’s black boxers and Castiel makes the same movement he did with the pants.

Both of them are completely naked. Castiel places his hands on Dean’s butt cheeks, squeezing them and pulling Dean closer to him. Dean gasps and he smirks. Castiel smirks too. He kisses Dean eagerly. He gets his tongue inside Dean’s mouth, exploring it and Dean meets his tongue and he swirls it with Castiel’s.

Dean is pushed to the bed slowly and almost unnoticeable. Castiel climbs over him. He takes another quick look at Dean’s body before he is back to Dean’s face and he leans to kiss Dean in another dirty and breathtaking way. With his hands, Castiel traces down Dean’s sides and Dean can feel the warmth of those hands. He remembers that he is allowed to touch, so he places his hands on Castiel’s back, tracing down his body until he arrives to the back of his thighs. Castiel has a really soft and nice skin.

Castiel plays with Dean’s bottom lip with his teeth and lips. He seems to like it and Dean isn’t going to complain about it. He likes it too. Castiel kisses him again, but this time it is briefly because his mouth goes down and he starts to kiss Dean’s neck. He sucks really hard, teeth dragging over the sensitive skin. Dean has to dig his nails on Castiel’s skin and he lets out a moan, which makes Castiel smile proudly.

“I like how you sound,” Castiel confesses into Dean’s ear. Then he starts to bite and lick Dean’s left earlobe. Dean closes his eyes and moans a bit louder. He’s really sensitive in there. Castiel seems to realize and he bites harder, making Dean’s body shake. There’s small laughter coming out of Castiel. “So sensitive. I like it,” he whispers with that seductive voice.

Dean keeps holding himself on Cas. Now he has his hands on Cas’ shoulder blades, feeling how the muscles move under his fingers with every move the blue eyed man makes. Castiel is now on his collarbone, dragging his teeth and licking, leaving hickeys on Dean’s skin. Dean gasps for air desperately and he swears that Cas smiles every time he gasps like that.

Castiel’s mouth goes now to his right nipple and Dean moans harder than before when he feels Castiel’s tongue on it, making circles. Castiel sucks and even bites gently Dean’s nipple, until he feels it hardening in his mouth. Dean has moved his hands from Castiel’s back to Castiel’s hair, digging his nails on the scalp every time Castiel’s tongue licks his nipple. Cas has too much skin to touch and Dean isn’t sure where to place his hands.

Castiel pinches the hardened nipple and he smiles when Dean rocks his hips, rubbing his hard cock against Castiel’s. The other man giggles softly and he bites his lip. “Do you like that, Dean?” Castiel asks in a teasing way.

“Yeah, I like it,” Dean says, breathless as he looks into Castiel’s eyes. Castiel places his mouth on the other nipple and he does the same. Dean moans and digs his nails on the man’s scalp. Cas’ tongue is fucking awesome.

When his nipple is hard, Castiel moves away. He rises and he starts to trace down Dean’s chest, looking at him with lust and desire. Then, his eyes go to Dean’s cock, hard and twitching. Castiel bites his lip as he sees it. Then, those blue eyes keep traveling along Dean’s body. “You are beautiful Dean,” Castiel admires. His hands are now on the inner of Dean’s thighs, with every stroke, Dean lets out a sweet low moan that makes Castiel smirk. “You are so eager.”

“A bit.” Dean chuckles softly.

“Only a bit?” He arches an eyebrows and Dean bites his lower lip guiltily. Castiel keeps stroking Dean’s thigh; from where the knee starts to where ass and thigh meet. Dean inhales needily. “You must know that I like teasing.” He looks at Dean from his eyelashes. Dean parts his lips and rocks his hips slightly because one of Castiel’s fingers is circling his hole. “Most of the time I like to take my time, to see how you are craving this,” he says without taking his eyes from Dean’s. Dean bites his lower lip and his throat makes a moan. Castiel turns his eyes to Dean’s hole as he spreads Dean’s legs with one hand. “I like seeing how you react. How your hole tightens when I circle it and how your cock twitches.” He keeps talking with that sexy, soft voice. He grabs Dean’s cock with his other hand and he strokes it a few times. Dean moans and gasps, needy. 

Now, Castiel’s eyes are back to Dean’s. He leans over Dean, without moving away the hand that it is touching Dean’s hole and the hand around Dean’s cock tightens. “Do you want me to open you up so I can fuck you, Dean?” he whispers into his mouth and Dean can feel his hot breath.

“Yes— please—” Dean says desperately. Castiel’s touches are really good and Dean is enjoying this. He isn’t sure if foreplay with any other client felt this good. Probably not; he can’t think properly with Cas doing all of that to him.

Castiel smiles and he kisses Dean desperately. Dean moans again. When Castiel pulls away, he has lube and a condom in his hands. Castiel puts on the condom and then he spreads the lube on his hands and on his cock. As he does that, Dean can admire the beauty of Castiel’s body. He’s is freaking gorgeous. Cas catches Dean looking at his cock and he smirks.

“Like what you see, Dean?” Castiel asks in a flirtatious way. Dean nods. Yes, he really likes what he sees. He would be lying if he said that Cas isn’t one of the hottest guys he has worked for.

It doesn’t take long for Castiel to get one finger inside him, his abdomen twitches when he feels Cas’ finger touching him inside. He adds another finger and Dean moans softly. He even fucks back into the fingers.

“You really like to take it all,” Castiel murmurs, impressed. Dean smirks, but soon his mouth lets out a louder moan because Castiel’s fingers are touching his prostate. “You look so beautiful right now, Dean,” he says with a sweet, arousing voice.

He gets another finger inside Dean and he touches him a bit harder, making Dean moan. When the fourth finger slides in he doesn’t know how he’s still breathing. There’s precome on Dean’s cock. He needs to be fucked right now.

“Cas—” Dean starts to say. He isn’t used to asking for this, because clients usually get straight to the point, this is so different.

“I know, Dean,” Castiel says with a pretty, naughty smile. He slips his fingers out of Dean and he cleans them on the sheets “I’m going to fill you up.”

Dean feels Cas’ cock start to push inside him, easy and slowly, there’s a small burning sensation at first but it soon fades away when Castiel is completely inside of Dean, he moans when he feels it. Castiel kisses him before he starts to fuck him with slow, steady thrusts. Dean places his hands on Castiel’s shoulders, digging his nails on the soft skin as Castiel’s thrusts gets harder. Dean closes his eyes and parts his lips, letting out groans and moans.

Castiel kisses Dean’s neck, sucking it hard and Dean’s whole body arches. This is being better than he expected. Way fucking better. It’s been a long time since he was enjoying his work like this. He even bites Castiel’s earlobe, making Cas moan. Castiel then finds Dean’s mouth and he gets his tongue inside of him, he has to pull away as Castiel’s cock touches his prostate several times as his thrusts become harder.

Dean’s breathing is ragged and he’s moaning loud, but he doesn’t care. He wants to last as long as he can, but it’s so hard, because damn it, Castiel makes it so difficult. Dean clenches around Castiel’s cock and the man lets out a wonderful moan, making Dean feel how the body above him trembles and shakes.

“Dean, you are so tight,” Castiel breathes out. He thrusts harder and Dean clenches even more. They both moan loudly. Then, Dean feels one of Castiel’s hands on his cock, stroking it. “Come for me, Dean,” he says, desperate, without stopping the rock of his hips.

Dean comes easily, his cock aching for it. He makes a loud moan. Castiel thrusts a few more times and he comes too. Dean feels boneless and it’s great. He is breathing heavily like Cas, who has his face buried in Dean’s chest, trying to recover his breath. Dean can’t open his eyes yet and there’s a tiny smile on his lips. If all the nights he has to work for Cas are going to be like this, he is going to be really glad.

Castiel pushes out of Dean and he takes off the condom, throwing it away at the paper bin. He exhales sharply before he speaks. “That was really good,” Castiel says impressed.

“Yeah. I’m glad to know that it was good for you,” Dean says.

Castiel smiles and he looks at Dean’s eyes. “Do you mind if we stay like this for a few minutes?”

“No. I still need to catch my breath too,” he says, smiling.

Castiel chuckles and he keeps lying above Dean. There’s sweat and come on both of them, but they will worry about that later. There’s a small itch in Dean’s fingers to caress that messy hair; but he hasn’t been told to do that. Cas told him he could do anything he wanted to tonight, but that was during sex. That kind of touch isn’t a common thing to do with a client unless it is asked for.

“I’m going to clean us,” Castiel says moving away after a while. Dean nods. He watches as Castiel moves he stares at Castiel’s naked body. The guy is really attractive. Castiel comes with a wet wipe and he cleans his stomach and then Dean’s. As he does that, he looks at Dean with lust. “I know I have told you before, but you are really beautiful.” He wipes off Dean’s come sweetly and gently, tickling Dean a little.

Dean just makes a shy smile. He is used to men calling him pretty, attractive, but not the word beautiful or gorgeous. Men like him because he has some girly features that make him look pretty.

Suddenly, Dean feels Castiel’s index and middle finger moving from his groin to his chest, as if they were walking legs. Dean giggles softly and Castiel is smiling happily, looking the path of Dean’s skin that his fingers are walking.

“Are you ticklish, Dean?” Castiel asks in a hussy way.

“Maybe,” Dean teases looking into those too-fucking-blue eyes. They are warm and soft on Dean’s. And Dean isn’t sure if he has been stared like that ever as a whore.

Castiel lets out a cute laugh and he leans over Dean to give him a brief kiss. “We should check that another night.”

Dean chuckles. He likes how Castiel is. He is playful and nice; something very rare to find in a client. Dean must admit that he has enjoyed quite much this night. He’s happy to know that he accepted this job. It is better to have sex like this than to have a painful night with any other stranger.

“You will come tomorrow, right?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah, I will,” Dean says with a charming smile.

Castiel rolls over and he starts to get dressed. Dean goes to the place where his clothes are scattered and he dresses really fast. He is used to putting on and taking off clothes several times in a night, the action is easy and quick for him. When Dean is fully dressed, he sees Cas is wearing a grey t-shirt and sweatpants. It suits his messy hair.

“Let me walk you to the door,” Castiel says. They walk towards the door and Dean opens it. “Before you leave-” Castiel starts to say. He picks something from the furniture next to him and he hands it to Dean. It is a piece of paper with a telephone number. “That’s the number of my mobile phone, just in case you need to call me if you can’t come or anything.”

Dean frowns confused. Clients never give their phone numbers to their whores. “You know this isn’t a common thing, right?” Dean asks with an arched brow.

Castiel makes a timid smile. “Our contract isn’t common either.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, you are right.” He saves the paper in his jeans’ pocket.

“I would like you to give me yours, in case I have something to do and I can’t attempt our meeting,” he says.

“Sure,” Dean replies. Castiel hands him a piece of paper and a pen and Dean writes down his phone number. “Here it is.” He hands him the piece of paper and Castiel looks at it.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“See you tomorrow, Cas,” Dean says, stepping out of the entrance.

“See you, Dean.” And he closes the door.

Dean picks his mobile and he looks at the hour. It isn’t eleven o’clock yet. Usually he comes home before three a.m. or maybe an hour before, it depends on the night. But tonight was short, mainly because he and Cas were, in words of Cas, getting to know each other so they could gain trust.

Dean is already in his Impala. He’s hungry, so he drives to the closest McDonalds to pick up something eat in his car while he takes a ride in his baby. Sex always gives him hunger. Also, it’ll be a good way to waste time. If he arrives too soon, Sam will suspect. Dean hopes that Cas doesn’t let him out this soon next times.

As Dean is eating in his car, he thinks about the night. When was the last time he enjoyed working like this? Clients are usually rough with him, only a few are gentle, but those aren’t too good at sex. Dean is surprised by how the night turned out to be. It seems weird for him to say that this night was really good. Usually Dean has a tiring night or a painful one or a long night; but this night wasn’t any of that. He wishes all those past nights with nameless strangers could have been like this.

Finally, when Dean has eaten the last of his cheeseburger and his fries and he has driven through almost the whole city, he gets back home. He sees that the living room’s lights are still on. Sam must be still awake, and it is past midnight. Dean knows that his brother is going to start asking things about why he is so early and how was the night.

Dean opens the door and Sam turns his face with a confused frown to see his brother. “What are you doing here so early?” Sam asks. There was the first question Dean knew his little brother was going to ask.

“It was the first day,” Dean says putting the keys on the bowl they leave them. He walks towards the couch and he sits next to his brother. He is watching a space documentary. What a geek. “The guy explained to me what I was supposed to do and I did everything. It was some kind of training to see if what I did was correct.”

“And how was it?” There comes the second question.

Dean looks at his brother with a smirk. “Better than I expected.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Are you gonna come back soon as yesterday?” Sam asks, stealing some fries from his brother’s plate. Dean hits his hand. Sam is going out with some friends and he’s going to have dinner with them; he should stop stealing Dean’s fries.

“I don’t know, Sam. And stop stealing my fries, bitch.” Dean slaps Sam’s hand harder and Sam pulls it away.

“Jerk,” he murmurs, annoyed.

“You’re gonna be late. Get out so I don’t have more fries robbed,” he jokes

Sam rolls his eyes and he manages to steal another frie. Dean glares him and Sam smiles victoriously. “Bye, Dean!”

“Don’t do anything stupid!”

“I should be the one saying that to you!” He laughs from the door. Dean would throw him something if he could.

Dean is actually looking forward to going to Castiel’s. He doesn’t know what he has in mind for tonight, but Dean knows he will like it. Last night was really good and Cas seems to be a good client. He still finds it odd that Cas is like that, that he isn’t a douche bag or a creepy guy. Dean is sure that he has his kinks, but Cas seems to care about Dean too; if Dean is uncomfortable with something, Castiel respects it. That’s something almost impossible to find as a whore; Dean knows it too well.

When Dean finishes his supper, he brushes his teeth and he checks himself out in the mirror. He’s wearing one of his jackets, the black leather is worn but really comfortable, a shirt, a t-shirt, jeans and his boots. He doesn’t know why he checks his clothes; once he is at Castiel’s, he is going to be naked.

Dean drives to Castiel’s and he parks the Impala in front of the building. When he waits for the elevator, Dean puts his mobile on silent; it’s really annoying for work sometimes, although Dean’s phone barely rings.

Dean rings the doorbell and he waits for the door to open. Cas is wearing a worn garnet t-shirt and black sweatpants. His hair is more messy and chaotic than usual and Dean must admit that he finds Cas cute like that.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greets with a pretty smile. He looks at Dean and his smile gets a little bit bigger. “Nice jacket.”

Dean looks at his jacket, as if he forgot what jacket he was wearing. “Thanks,” Dean says with a shy smile. “Hey, Cas.”

“Come in.” He moves his head towards the hall and Dean steps inside.

They walk the small hall and they arrive in the living room. Dean sees that the table has a lot of papers scattered on them. Castiel sits on the couch and picks some of them; meanwhile, Dean stands next to the armchair. “Do I strip now?”

“Yes, please.”

Dean starts to take off his boots and his socks. Castiel doesn’t look at him while he does that. Dean is confused by that. Usually, when clients tell him to strip, they watch with a lot of attention how he takes every single item, but Castiel seems to be absorbed by those papers. But when Dean starts to take off his jacket, Castiel removes his sight from the papers to look at Dean. His blue eyes follow every movement Dean makes. Dean takes off his clothes at a normal speed, not too slow, not too fast, a speed that Castiel can enjoy and Dean can be subtle about it.

When Dean is completely naked, a big smile appears on Castiel’s lips. Dean carefully folds all his clothes and he leaves them on the armchair. When he is done, Castiel pats the left side of the couch. “Come here, Dean.”

Dean walks towards the couch and he sits next to Castiel, who presses a soft kiss on his lips. After that, his eyes linger on Dean’s face and he isn’t sure if Castiel is trying to count his freckles. It looks like that. Then, Cas cups Dean’s face and he strokes with his thumb Dean’s cheek and he smiles. After that, he moves his face back to the papers and with his left hand, he starts to comb Dean’s hair softly.

Dean purrs, something that makes Castiel smile. Dean leans his head on Castiel’s shoulder and the other man starts to move his hand from Dean’s hair to his shoulder, caressing him softly without stopping to pay attention to those papers and writing a few things on them.

Dean takes a look; it seems to be exams about medicine or something like that. He frowns in confusion at them. “You can ask me about this instead of peering,” Castiel says, eyes fixed on the exams, but he has noticed that Dean was looking at the papers. He doesn’t seem angry or annoyed.

“Sorry,” Dean apologizes. “I’m not used to people letting me talk during the job.” Clients usually want Dean to be quiet, except when it comes to moaning. They like to hear Dean moan and scream during sex. He isn’t sure if Cas allows him to talk or not.

“Dean, you can talk as much as you want to.” Cas places his right hand, the one which is holding a red pen, on Dean’s chin, making Dean to face him. “And you can ask me things. If I didn’t want you to do that, I would have told you.” He sounds too gentle and nice. Dean isn’t used to being treated like this.

“Okay. It’s just the custom,” he explains with a soft smile. Castiel returns it and he kisses him. “Okay, what is that?” He rests his head on Castiel’s shoulder again and Cas keeps combing his hair in a slow and gentle rhythm.

“Exams from medical students,” Castiel answers. He crosses a sentence off one exam and he starts to write a correction.

“Are you a professor?” He frowns in confusion. He hasn’t seen Castiel on the university campus. Dean doesn’t know all the professors, but he knows most of them from just seeing them walking around on the halls.

“Sometimes.” He looks at Dean from the corner of his eyes. “I teach a few things at the hospital to the students that come to do practices. It is a university hospital. Sometimes I make exams to know if they have learnt what they needed to. But mainly, I work as neurosurgeon.”

“You are kidding me,” Dean says pulling his head away from Cas’ shoulder. Cas narrows his eyes and tilts his head in confusion. “You can’t be neurosurgeon.”

“Why do you say so?”

“Your handwriting is too fucking clear. No one who works in the medical field has clear handwriting.” Dean says pointing at Castiel’s correction. Castiel laughs and Dean thinks it’s a wonderful sound. Some crinkles appear on the corners of Castiel’s eyes as he laughs. Dean even smiles happily. He is definitely not used to hearing someone laugh that bright during his job. “C’mon, you must admit that it is impossible to find a doctor or a nurse or anyone who works in the medical field with a clear handwriting. I think you have a subject called: how to screw up your handwriting.”

“Really?” Castiel says in between laughs. His cheeks are flushed and his whole body is shaking with laughter. He inhales needy and he looks at Dean with a happy and curious look. “That’s the only thing that makes you hard to believe that I’m a neurosurgeon?”

“You seem too young to be a neurosurgeon,” he says a bit awkwardly.

Castiel rises his eyebrow in a suggestively way. “How old do you think I am, Dean?”

“Twenty-five.”

“I’m twenty-six.” He sounds impressed. Dean shakes his head in agreement. “Am I too young to be a neurosurgeon?” There’s a teasing voice hidden in that question.

“Well, yeah.” Dean starts to say. Castiel’s brows make a confused frown. “That’s one of the most complicated things, it takes a lot of years and experience, it is strange to find a neurosurgeon as young as you. You must be fucking awesome.”

Castiel blushes a little bit and he looks back at his papers. Dean can see a shy smile popping up on those pretty and tempting pink lips. “I’m not awesome.”

Dean rests his chin on Cas’ shoulder and Cas turns his face to see him. Dean stares at him with his most intense gaze. “Maybe you like the word ‘impressive’ more.”

“Do you usually compliment all your clients?” He arches a brow. Dean is finding out that Cas is quite sassy. And he quite likes it.

“No. I don’t compliment them,” he says seriously. He feels Castiel’s hand running down his spine, that warm and soft hand. Dean feels how Castiel rests his hand on the small of his back and Castiel’s thumb makes soothing circles. “And I surely can tell you that I wasn’t complimenting you. I was just telling you what I think.”

Castiel’s eyes are fixed on Dean’s sight, reading Dean. “You aren’t like the rest of prostitutes, are you?”

“And you aren’t like the rest of clients,” he says suggestively.

Castiel smiles and he draws Dean into a dirty kiss. Castiel’s tongue gets inside Dean’s mouth and Dean reciprocates the action. He even moans a little when he feels Castiel’s tongue pushing a little bit more. Then, Castiel pulls and he passes his thumb along Dean’s lower lip, feeling the saliva. “And may I ask something about you?” He asks getting back to his papers. He moves his hand to rest it on Dean’s butt cheek, almost stroking the beginning of Dean’s thigh.

“Ask.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-one,” Dean answers. Castiel pouts in an impressive way. “You thought I was younger?”

“I don’t know. You seem younger sometimes, but you look a bit older sometimes too.” He moves his head to look at Dean, who is trying to avoid those eyes right now. “Do you study something?”

“Mechanical engineering.”

“That sounds really good,” he says with a pretty smile.

Dean was expecting Cas to say something different. Most of the people would ask him, how are studying a university degree but you’re a whore? But Castiel didn’t sound surprised or shocked, he sounded as normal as the people who didn’t know his job, asking the question. They stay in silence for a while; the only sound made comes from their breathing and the sounds of the papers being moved by Castiel. Dean is sitting naked on the couch, resting his cheek on Cas’ shoulder while the man corrects the exams with one hand and with the other, he caresses Dean’s thigh. Soon, that hand starts to move towards Dean’s crotch in an extremely slow way. When Cas has his hand on Dean’s crotch, he strokes it slightly with his palm. Dean lets out a soft gasp and he sees that Cas is making a subtle smirk.

Suddenly, Castiel grabs Dean’s cock and he starts to jerk him off, with slow but hard movements. Dean closes his eyes and moans. He clenches his fist on the couch while his other hand, the right one, is nailing Castiel’s thigh. Dean bites his lower lip when Castiel starts to move his thumb in circles on the head of his cock. Dean opens his eyes and he sees that Cas is still focused on the papers.

“I must admit that you make it so hard to me to stay focused on the exams. You look so beautiful when you are like this,” Castiel starts to say with a voice that drives Dean crazy. Cas turns his face to see Dean, who is looking at Castiel with lust. Cas squeezes the head of Dean’s cock and Dean’s body shakes and he moans loudly. “How about you try to take my attention away from the exams?” he asks, as he squeezes Dean’s cock again. It doesn’t hurt at all. “But you are only allowed to touch me from waist up.”

“Okay,” Dean says, smirking.

Castiel keeps stroking Dean’s hard cock slowly. Dean keeps moaning and he moves closer, leaving no space in between their bodies. He starts to bite Cas’ earlobe and he gets a sweet gasp out of Cas’ mouth. But he’s still focused on the exams. Dean lets out a moan when Cas’ hand jerks his cock harder. Dean decides to sneak his hand under Castiel’s t-shirt and his fingers arrive to Castiel’s nipple. He strokes it gently a little, and he can see that Cas is quite sensitive there. Dean moves his mouth to Castiel’s neck and he kisses it as his hand starts to pinch the nipple. Castiel tilts his head back and he gasps again. There’s a satisfactory smile on his lips and Castiel lets out a soft moan when Dean pinches the nipple harder.

“Very good, Dean.” Castiel moans. He moves his hand harder on Dean’s cock and Dean has to pull his mouth away to moan. Castiel lets out a soft chuckle mixed with a moan. “Dean, what if I make you come twice a night?”

“That’d be awesome,” Dean says, breathing heavily. He hears Castiel throwing the exams to the floor.

Castiel turns to face Dean and he kisses him desperate and dirty. Dean opens his mouth to let that wonderful tongue in. Cas keeps stroking his cock faster and harder, changing the angles, pressing where Dean needs to be pressed. Dean moans in the kiss, Cas pulls away slightly to encourage Dean to moan, he returns the sound as Dean pinches his nipple. Just a few more strokes and Dean comes. When the orgasm fills him, he feels as if he can breathe again. He isn’t sure, but he thinks Cas is chuckling.

Castiel kisses him and smiles. “You make wonderful sounds when I touch you and when you come, Dean,” Castiel says. Dean chuckles. “Let me clean your mess.” Castiel untangles and walks away. When he comes back, he is carrying a wet wipe. Also, Dean sees that Cas is hard.

“Can I do something to help your boner?” Dean asks as Cas wipes the come off his belly.

“Don’t worry. Once I finish correcting those two exams we will take care of it. I promised you would come twice tonight, right?” he says cockily. Dean chuckles with that. Castiel smirks and he kisses Dean. Then, he goes towards the kitchen and he trashes the used wet wipe. He sits down next to Dean and he keeps correcting the remaining exams.

Dean really likes Castiel. He is really different from any other client he has worked for. Although this agreement they have is unusual for Dean, he must admit that he likes it a lot. He could get used to this. It isn’t as if Dean is going to spend the rest of his life working as a whore, but he is going to do it as long as Sam finishes college, which means a few more years. Dean isn’t sure how long Cas will want him, but he wishes that it will be for a long period of time. It isn’t easy working as a whore, but if Dean has to work for Cas, he will do it happily.

Castiel is done with all the exams and he leaves them on the table. He stands up and he grabs Dean’s wrist with a slightly grip. “Come on. Time to go to the bedroom,” he says sweetly.

Dean stands up and he follows Castiel to his bedroom. Once they are in there, Castiel kisses him in a breathtaking way. He pushes Dean down to the mattress and Castiel places himself above Dean and he kisses him. As he does that, Castiel moves Dean’s arms up and he tours them with his hands.

“I’m going to tie you with one of my ties, okay?” Castiel says. He sounds serious, trying to figure if Dean is okay with it.

“Okay,” Dean says, smiling to clear any doubt on Castiel, who sees Dean’s grin and he makes another.

Castiel searches in his drawer for a tie. He ties Dean’s wrist together, tightly but soft. Just to keep Dean’s hands together without any pain at all. Castiel kisses Dean dirtily. “Don’t move your arms unless I tell you so, all right?”

“Yeah, all right,” Dean says aroused.

Castiel starts to take off his clothes and he throws them away. Dean wishes he could do that, because he likes the touch of Castiel’s skin under his hands, but Cas is the one paying for this; Dean has no word in this unless he feels pain. But Dean knows Cas won’t ever hurt him.

When Castiel is completely naked, he leans down and he kisses Dean in his usual dirty way. Castiel even moans when Dean pushes his tongue inside his mouth; the action gets Dean a wonderful smirk. Castiel starts to suck Dean’s neck and he moans and shakes from the sensation. He tries to keep his arms in place, just like Cas ordered; it is a bit hard because Dean wants to rest his arms on Castiel, but he does as he was told.

After several marks are made on Dean’s neck, Castiel starts to bite and suck Dean’s nipples. Dean can feel that smirk Cas makes when Dean moans loud. He feels Castiel’s hands tracing down his sides until they are on his butt cheeks and those hands squeeze the tender part of Dean’s ass. He lets out a moan mixed with a giggle, which makes Cas too happy and he leans over to kiss Dean’s mouth and bite his lower lip. He squeezes Dean’s butt cheeks again and he makes the same sound.

“You are so gorgeous when you are like this,” Castiel whispers into Dean’s mouth.

Dean moans because Castiel’s fingers are caressing his hole. Cas rises and he looks in his drawer for a condom and lube. Dean’s cock is already dripping with pre-come and twitching. The other man puts on the condom and he spreads the lube quickly over his hands and his cock. Dean can see the lust in Castiel’s eyes, dark with dilated pupils. Dean knows Cas isn’t going to tease tonight, he’s desperate to fuck him.

The fingers push inside Dean easily and Dean fucks against them; he loves how Castiel’s fingers touch his prostate slightly, making him crave for more. Castiel smirks and whispers things, “So eager, Dean. So beautiful, take it all.” Dean has already fourth fingers inside him and Castiel is scissoring them, opening him up as much as he can. When he feels Dean is ready, he slips his fingers out, he wipes them off and he pushes his cock inside him.

It is a bit sudden and Dean groans, but it feels good. Castiel starts to move with hard and steady thrusts, panting and moaning with every rock of hips. Dean curves his body and Castiel tries to keep him in place by gripping Dean’s shoulders. He has his legs bent on Cas’ shoulders, it’s a bit uncomfortable, but it helps Cas to be closer to Dean, and creates more friction in between their bodies.

Dean clenches his hole and Cas moans harder before fucking Dean in a heavier but awesome way; it makes Dean press his head harder back into the mattress. He feels Castiel pinching his nipple and biting softly at Dean’s neck. Dean moans harder and rocks his hips faster, asking for more. Cas smirks and fucks him harder and faster thrusts.

Castiel kisses Dean briefly and he moves one of his hands to the man’s leaking cock, stroking it with quick movements. “Come for me, Dean. I know you want to come. Do it for me,” Castiel prompts needily.

Dean comes harder than the first time that night. He feels boneless with his orgasm. After a couple of thrusts, Castiel comes too and his body stills. Dean feels really good. The hardest part will come when he has to stand up, but he knows that Cas is pretty exhausted too, so he will have some time to catch his breath.

“You are really good at this,” Castiel breathes out.

Dean chuckles. Of course he’s good. He wouldn’t be a whore if he wasn’t good. “You too,” Dean says. Cas really leaves Dean satisfied. Dean doesn’t always come when he’s with clients, but when he does, he has never been this satisfied as he is with Cas. 

Castiel pulls out of Dean and he kisses him sweetly, he takes a deep breath. “You leave me exhausted.”

“As if you didn’t do that to me,” Dean teases.

Castiel laughs happily and he kisses him. He likes how that laugh tastes when he kisses it. Castiel unties him. Dean had actually forgotten about it after his orgasm. Castiel passes the tip of the tie over Dean’s face, tickling him a little, something that makes Castiel laugh. “I must say that I’m really happy and satisfied with you.”

“It’s good to know.”

“So, are we going to keep this agreement?” he asks with a bright hope cracking up in his voice.

Dean smirks. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“You are quite sassy. I like it.” He kisses Dean in sloppily and Dean can hear the perfect sounds of their mouths rubbing together. “I’m happy to hear it.” He rolls over and he takes off the condom and he puts the tie back in its place. Then, he picks a wet wipe and he cleans the mess of Dean’s come on his own belly and then on Dean’s. When he finishes, he says, “That’s all for tonight.”

“Okay,” Dean says, standing up. He walks towards the living room, where his clothes are, leaving Cas in the bedroom, dressing. Dean gets dressed as fast as possible without looking like he’s eager to leave, because he isn’t. When he is fully dressed he notices Castiel is leaning on the wall, watching him. “Goodnight, Cas,” Dean says with a soft smile.

“Goodnight, Dean,” he says too. Dean starts to walk towards the main door. “I’ll see you next week, right?” Cas asks with innocence when Dean opens the door.

Dean turns around and he smirks. “Of course.” He sees a sweet and tender smile on Castiel’s lips before he closes the door. Once Dean is outside Cas’ apartment, he checks out his phone. No missed calls or text messages. Also, he sees that it’s only 0:33. Tonight they spent more time together. It’s something good, because he used to arrive home really late, and if he starts coming back home too soon, Sam will become suspicious.

Dean goes to his Impala and he drives back home. When he arrives, Sam is already asleep. Dean takes off his boots, his jeans and his leather jacket and he gets in bed. He’s too tired to take off anything else. Tomorrow it is Sunday, a day where Dean has catch up on his homework, he also needs to clean the house with Sam, and in the afternoon the brothers plan to watch a movie with Charlie.

 

After cleaning the house, doing homework, having lunch and taking a small nap, Dean is waiting on the couch for Sam, who is making popcorn. They are going to watch _Star Wars IV: A New Hope_. Charlie will join them soon. Sunday’s are a homey day for Dean. It is the only day when Dean doesn’t have to go to college or work. The only day when he can take a break.

“She’s late,” Sam says, sitting on the couch next to Dean. He hands Dean the popcorn, who places the bowl on his lap and grabs a fist of them.

“She’s always late,” Dean mumbles around a mouthful of popcorn.

“How was work last night?” Sam asks opening a Coke.

“Good. This new turn seems to be better.” He doesn’t like to give too many details, Sam’s memory is too fucking good, he might forgets a lie he told..

“I’m happy to hear that. Lately you didn’t seem so happy about your job.”

Dean shrugs. “It’s exhausting, y’know, but I have to do it,” he says. Sam inhales annoyed and he buries his back into the smooth backrest of the old couch. Dean knows that expression and that sight of his little brother. “What?”

“You shouldn’t be the one working this hard.” He sounds devastated and angry, but he isn’t angry with Dean. They have had this conversation several times; Dean knows how it goes.

“Sam, someone has to keep paying the bills, someone has to buy food, someone has to pay for my college studies, and someone has to pay for your future studies as well.” Dean starts to say with his parenting voice. “Y’know dad isn’t gonna do any of that. He has a job for a few months and he wastes all his money on booze and gambling. How long haven’t we seen him?”

“Four months,” Sam murmurs.

“Four fucking months. Do you expect him to keep the roof above us? Hell, no. I learnt that a lot time ago, Sammy. Dad isn’t gonna spend his money on this house and on our studies. I accepted that I was the one who had to put up with that,” he explains frustrated.

A long time ago, Dean believed that his dad could change, that someday, John Winchester would see things how they truly were and he would start behaving in a normal way but he didn’t. Dean learnt the lesson painfully when he told a few truths to his father, like how John should focus and quit drinking. Dean was beat that night, but he defended himself and Sam helped him. Sam was never hit by John. Never. Dean was the disappointing one. Sam was perfect. Dean did his best, but it wasn’t enough for his father. For Sam, everything Dean did was more than enough.

“Dean, I know all of that, trust me, I know it,” Sam says looking down. He takes a deep breath. Dean is looking at him with expectant eyes. “I just wish that you didn’t have to work too much and too hard. You don’t deserve all that weight.”

“Don’t get chick-flick, little brother,” Dean says. Sam rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m used to it. It isn’t the perfect job, but I earn a lot of money. Enough to pay for all we need.”

Dean knows that if Sam, or anyone who cares about him, like Bobby or Charlie, knew about his real job, all of them would look for a better job for him. The sad truth is that being a whore is well paid, more than a lot of jobs where they require some high qualities. Dean is good at his job and now he earns more than normal and Cas is nice to him. It makes it easier. It isn’t Dean’s dream job, but meanwhile, it’s what he has to do.

Charlie opens the main door. “Hey guys,” she says with her usual smile. Charlie is part of the family. Dean knows her better than Sam does, mostly because they were in the same class in high school, but she is as geeky as Sam, so they get on very well. She is like their sister. Charlie even knows about John and the relationship the brothers have with their father, although Sam and Dean try to avoid that topic when Charlie is around them. They trust her, but they don’t like to talk about their father too much. Not even between them.

After Sam and Dean greet her, Dean talks. “You are late.”

Charlie rolls her eyes and she sits next to Dean. “A Queen is never late.” Dean rolls his eyes and Sam laughs. “You are not a Queen.” Dean snaps.

“She is,” Sam says. “She is the Queen of Moondoor.”

“See? Sam knows it. You should know it too.” She grabs some popcorn and eats it as she makes a proud smirk.

“You are only a fictional Queen in role-play game,” Dean rectifies cockily.

“You are just jealous because you aren’t a Queen.” Sam sasses, something that earns him a furious glare from Dean. 

Charlie laughs brightly. “He’s more like a princess.”

“Go and fuck yourselves,” Dean says with a grumpy face and voice.

“We love you too, Dean,” Charlie says squeezing Dean in her arms and pressing a soft kiss on his cheeks. Sam does the same, although he doesn’t kiss him, he just nuzzles his nose.

Dean tries to get away from their tight grip, but it’s hard, they are squeezing him and if Dean moves too much, the big bowl with popcorn will fall to the floor and it will be a mess and a. “Would you please stop?!”

“So cute when you are this grumpy,” Charlie says with a lovely voice. Sam laughs.

Dean grunts and rolls his eyes. “I would really like you two stopped hugging me and we could watch Star Wars.”

“Fine,” Charlie says, pulling away, but Sam doesn’t pull away. Dean turns his face to look at Sam, who is giving him puppy eyes.  
Dean sends a cold glare to his brother. “Sammy, move or I’ll cut your hair while you sleep.”

“Always threatening my hair…” Sam sighs moving away.

“Hey, how was your new turn?” Charlie says suddenly and with a surprised voice.

“Better than I expected,” Dean answers.

“Yeah? That’s so cool, Dean.”

“Yeah,” he says with a nice smile. Charlie squints her eyes and she keeps looking at Dean in that mysterious way of hers. “What?”

“I don’t know,” she says confused. “When you talk about your job you are usually more serious, you barely smile when you talk about it. And now, there’s a tiny smile appearing,” she explains.

“What the fuck Charlie?” Dean says, perplexed. He doesn’t have any idea what his friend saying.

“He’s happier than usually,” Sam intervenes.

“What happened, Dean?” Charlie asks with a voice.

Dean glares her. “What’s so strange about being a bit happy with my job?”

“Dude! It’s like Spock started to laugh hysterically!” she exclaims shaking her hands. She always likes to emphasize things with a lot of emotion.

“You’re exaggerating, Charlie.” Dean rolls his eyes. The truth is that he has found a client who pays him more than usual, he treats Dean better than any other client and Dean enjoys being fucked by him. All those things at the same time? This hasn’t ever happened. And it’s a job that it is going to last. He’s happy with Cas and Cas is happy with him. But he can’t tell his brother and his friend any of that. “This new turn is shorter than the other, they pay me more and it isn’t as. I don’t know what’s so unusual about being happy about that.”

“There’s something else,” Charlie insists.

“He isn’t going to tell you, Charlie,” Sam says sighing. “He doesn’t like talking too much about his job, you know that,” he adds. Dean’s grateful that Sam respects that, but it is compressible that Sam sometimes wants to know more, because he barely knows about Dean’s ‘job’.

“Can we please stop talking about my job? I’m just a waiter and a bartender. It’s boring. I need to escape from work and studies for one day, can’t we do that?” Dean says a bit desperate.

“Yeah, we can,” Sam says with a pretty smile. “We just like teasing you.”

“I hate you two,” he says.

“You don’t,” Sam and Charlie say simultaneously and hug him again. Dean lets out an annoyed grunt and his friend and his brother laugh before they pull away.

“Are you two done?” He pouts looking at the TV angrily.

“For today,” Charlie says. Dean looks at her with a frown. She arches her eyebrows in a suggestive way and she smirks. “I know you are happy about something related to your job and you had it written all over your face,” she explains as she eats some popcorn.

Dean just narrows his eyes in confusion, not knowing exactly what Charlie means again. He looks at his brother, trying to find an explanation, but Sam just makes the same smirk Charlie did, as if he knows something that Dean doesn’t. Dean is really confused. He leans back on the couch, trying to ignore the teasing assholes he has as a brother and as a friend and he picks the remote to press the play button. “Whatever,” Dean says.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to thank all of you for reading. And thanks for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

The rest of the week passes as slowly as usually, but Dean is used to this. He likes mechanical engineering, but sometimes it is too boring to hear a professor talking in that tuneless voice for an hour, reading the sentences from the slide, without going beyond that. It makes the mornings go extremely slow and Dean doesn’t stop watching the time on his mobile phone, getting quite desperate when he sees that only three minutes have passed since the last time he checked the time.

But finally, after a long week, Friday is here. And Dean is looking forward to go to Cas’ apartment. He is surprised that he is looking forward to see him. Dean was never looking forward to go to the Red Candy Club every Friday and Saturday night. Truth be told, there were some nights when things went quite good, he didn’t get a rough client and he could enjoy sex, but that happened once in a while, twice a year at most. Cas can be a bit rough and hard, but painless. Dean has only spent two nights with him, but they were good nights. Sex was good and Cas is nice. Dean won the lottery with that guy.

“Soooo…” Charlie says as she sits in front of Dean. When she is sat, she looks at Dean with expectant eyes.

Dean narrows his eyes, not knowing where Charlie wants to get with that. “So?” Dean asks confused. He has known Charlie for years, she is like a sister to him, but sometimes, Charlie leaves him confused.

“What are your plans for tonight?” She asks as she bites on of her fries.

“Charlie, it’s Friday, I work on Friday’s nights.” Dean reminds her. She knows that for years and still, she asks him.

“I know.”

Dean is more than confused right now. He tries to find any clue on her friend’s face, but her green eyes and her facial expression isn’t telling him much. Dean moves his jaw and then it hits him. “Is this about what we talked last Sunday?” He asks putting his done face on. Charlie nods several times. Dean rolls his eyes and exhales sharply. “I don’t know where you get the idea that something is going on.”

“Dean, there’s obviously something going on and I want to know!” She pouts. Dean just ignores her and keeps eating his food. “Does this new turn have something to do with spying?” She asks intrigued.

Dean moves his eyes from his food and makes a disbelief sight accompanied with an arched brow. “No, it has to do with being Batman.”

“Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.” She glares him and Dean smirks. “Though that’d be awesome.”

“That’d be fucking awesome.” He says enthusiastic. Dean has in common with Batman that no one knows about his real job. But Batman’s work is much better than his.

“Did you meet someone special?” She says with a hopeful voice.

“Can you please stop with the interrogatory?” He says a bit annoyed. “If there was something I’d told you.”

“Yeah, I know, sorry.” She says sadly and a bit ashamed.

“It’s okay. I guess that it is weird to see me a bit happy about my job. I must tell you that I still find it weird.” He explains. He meets Charlie’s eyes. The red-haired makes a cute smile.

“Well, then, enjoy it tonight.” She wishes.

Dean makes a cute smile. Yeah, he is going to enjoy it.

 

After Dean and Sam have eaten their supper, Dean says goodbye to his little brother and he goes towards the Impala to drive towards Castiel’s apartment. A week ago, he was driving the same road and he was feeling extremely nervous; now, he is all relaxed and even a bit eager for tonight. Cas gives him a safety that Dean hasn’t felt with any other client. There’s always that feeling in the back of Dean’s mind, telling him that anything can go wrong, that maybe, the client would hurt him. But Dean doesn’t hear that voice when he is with Cas. He shouldn’t trust him this much; they have only shared two nights together, but in those two nights, Cas has been nicer with Dean than all the clients he has been with.

The trip isn’t too long and Dean is soon in front of Cas’ door, ringing the bell. The door is opened a few seconds after that, showing Cas behind it, with a pretty smile on his lips, messy hair (not as messy as Saturday) and he is wearing dark blue pants and a white shirt.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel greets with his sweet voice.

“Hey Cas.” Dean says. Castiel moves from the entrance and Dean gets in, walking towards the living room. He hears Castiel closing the door and then, Cas walks behind him. Dean stops and makes a confused sight. He can hear _Dark Side of the Moon_ being played in a really low volume. “Pink Floyd?” Dean asks arching one of his brows turning to face Castiel.

“What? Don’t I look like a guy who likes Pink Floyd?” He asks with a sassy voice.

“Not really.” Dean says with a pout.

Castiel chuckles. “You didn’t expect me to be a neurosurgeon, you didn’t expect me to like Pink Floyd… What did you expect from me, Dean?” There’s a lot of curiosity in his voice and he is making an extremely charming and attractive smile.

Dean shrugs. “I don’t know.” Honestly, he doesn’t know what he expected from Cas. When you are a whore, you don’t know about your client, not even a name most of the times. Cas, nevertheless, is letting Dean know a lot of things about himself. It’s strange. Dean has being fucked by several clients, faces with no names, men that could have been important businessman or just some random guy. Dean didn’t know and he didn’t care.

“Do you want me to turn it off?” Castiel asks, taking Dean away from his thoughts.

“No, it is a great record.” He smiles as he starts to take off his boots.

Castiel walks towards the couch and he sits on the armrest, watching very closely how Dean starts to strip. “Are you a rock music fan?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Dean says picking with the tips of his fingers the t-shirt he is wearing. It is his Black Sabbath t-shirt. Then, he takes off his jacket.

“There are a lot of people who wear bands t-shirt without knowing they are bands. They think it is the name of a clothes brand.”

“Do I look like one of those assholes?” Dean says annoyed. He hates people like that. He is sick of seeing a lot of people wearing a Ramones’ t-shirt thinking that it is a clothes brand.

“No. Not at all.” And he makes an honest and genuine smile.

Dean smiles and he keeps taking off his clothes under the attentive look of Cas. “And what other music do you like?” Dean asks. He shouldn’t be asking, whores don’t ask about personal things, but Cas seems to ignore that and he doesn’t get angry or annoyed when Dean asks, instead, he seems glad that Dean asks.

Castiel grabs Dean’s wrist, as softly as always. Dean is already completely naked and Castiel draws him closer, until there are only a few inches left. Castiel places his hands on Dean’s hipbones. “Just a bit of everything.” He whispers. One of his hands starts to trace Dean’s tummy. “Classic music, rock music, jazz, blues, some pop music… As long as it music. I don’t like rap, or hip-hop. Or anything from Justin Bieber and things like that.”

Dean chuckles and Castiel raises his head to stare directly at Dean’s eyes. “You just gained a lot of points for that.”

Castiel lets out a soft laugh. He embraces Dean’s waist and pulls him a little closer, so Castiel can rest his chin on Dean’s tummy. “What about you? Are you only a rock music fan?”

“Yeah, just rock music.”

Castiel makes a nodding sound and he kisses Dean’s tummy, tickling Dean a little. Castiel arches a brow in a suggestive way and he bites his lip. “I have something in mind for later.” He starts to say in his calmed but quite arousing voice. “But first, I would like to do something.”

“Whatever you want, Cas.” Dean says with his sexiest voice.

Castiel makes a cocky smile and he moves one of his hands and he starts to caress one of Dean’s sides. His eyes follow the path of his hand “You are ticklish. I would like to know where and how much ticklish you are.” Now, those intense blue eyes meet Dean’s green ones.

“I’m really ticklish.” Dean warns.

Castiel stands up and he kisses Dean. There’s a smirk appearing on Castiel’s pink lips. “Wonderful, then.” Cas kisses Dean again. “Come on.” He grabs Dean’s wrist again and they walk towards Castiel’s bedroom. Castiel makes Dean to sit on the edge of the bed while he looks for something. Dean sees that it is another tie. “Do you mind if I cover your eyes?”

“Of course not, Cas.” Dean says. Cas approaches him and before he is going to cover Dean’s eyes with the tie, Dean stops him. “Cas.” Dean starts to say. “There’s no need to ask me if I mind this or that. As long as you don’t hurt me, it’s all right.”

Castiel makes a shy and innocent look. How can he look this innocent? He even blushes a little. “I know. I just don’t want to make something that you are uncomfortable with.”

“I appreciate it, Cas. I really do. But don’t worry too much about me. Like I said, as long as you don’t hurt me, I’m okay with anything you want to do with me.” He says with all his honesty.

“Okay.” He kisses Dean and then, he covers Dean’s eyes. “Will you promise me not to move while I try to find where you are so ticklish?” He says. His voice even sounds better while Dean’s eyes are covered, caressing his skin in a sweet way.

“Yes. Although if you insist too much in some particular spot, I might shake my leg and hit you accidentally.” He warns.

Castiel lets out a pretty laugh and Dean can’t help laughing. “Then, I’ll be cautious.”

Dean feels how Castiel pushes him down the mattress. After that, he feels Castiel is above him and he presses a sweet kiss on Dean’s lips. Dean really likes Castiel’s kisses; from the sweetest to the dirtiest. Cas’ lips and mouth are great and warm, and it always leaves a tingling sensation on Dean’s tender lips.

He hears a soft and almost inaudible giggle coming out of Cas’ mouth. Dean smirks as he feels Cas’ hands tracing down his chest, really slow. Cas kisses his chin and his hands move up, fingers stroking Dean’s nipples, making soothing and tickling circles around them. Dean bites his lower lip and he hears that barely inaudible giggle again, coming out of Castiel.

“Sensitive nipples.” Castiel says with his sexy and soft voice.

Castiel keeps touching Dean’s nipples, and then, Dean feels Castiel’s tongue on his right nipple, licking it and Dean moans because damn it, this feels too good. When his nipple is hard, Castiel pulls away and his hands keep touring Dean’s body, tracing it down, trying to find Dean’s ticklish spots. He finds out that Dean is extremely ticklish on his tummy. Dean starts to giggle and he tries so hard not to start shaking his legs to defense himself.

“Really Dean? Your tummy?” Castiel asks laughing without stopping his tickling strokes on Dean’s tummy.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” Dean giggles.

Dean feels Castiel nuzzling his tummy and pressing soft kisses on it as his hands keep tickling him. Dean giggles more and he shakes his body a little, making Cas to laugh softly. The only thing Dean doesn’t like about this is that Cas is fully dressed. This would be much more awesome is Cas was naked. Anyway, this is really good.

Castiel wanders his hands and his tickling kissing on Dean’s tummy for a while and Dean keeps giggling. After that, Castiel starts to tickle Dean on his sides; it doesn’t tickle Dean as much as on his tummy, but it still tickles him. Castiel sounds amused and happy to know about Dean’s ticklish spots. And it is really strange for Dean to be laughing like this in the job, but it is awesome.

The hands on his sides move down to his thighs and Dean gasps. The inner skin of his thighs is extremely sensitive and Cas is really good at tickling. Dean tries not to giggle, but it is a fail attempt and he succumbs to the laughing noises his throat is craving to let out. Suddenly, the hands move away and Dean feels Castiel’s lips pressing soft kisses on his thighs. Giggles are replaced for sweet little moans and Dean feels Cas’ smile against his skin.

Castiel moves Dean’s leg, bending the knee and Dean feels that Cas rests his cheek on his knee. With one hand, Castiel holds the leg and with the other, he caresses the inner of the thigh in slow and soft movements.

“You can take the tie off.” Castiel whispers into Dean’s skin. Dean removes the tie that it is covering his eyes and he looks at Cas, who is sitting on the bed, all dressed up, resting his cheek on Dean’s knee, with his eyes focused on Dean’s thigh. He looks cute. “You have thousands of freckles.” He murmurs with a shy smile.

Dean blushes a little. “Yeah I know.”

“I find them amusing and pretty.” He says happily. Dean is surprised to hear that.

“You do?”

“Don’t you like your freckles?” He asks as if he couldn’t believe that Dean doesn’t like his freckles.

Dean doesn’t care about his freckles. He is kind of a bad guy, and freckles aren’t a thing for bad guys. He just wishes he didn’t have all his body covered with so many freckles. Dean licks his lips before he speaks. “It’s just that I have too many.” He murmurs looking down at his chest.

“I have seen. You even have freckles on your cock.” He comments with a sassy smile. Dean blushes a lot. “Do you usually blush this easy?”

“Not everyone points out the freckles on my cock, y’know?” Dean sasses arching a brown and meeting Castiel’s eyes.

“I find them cute.” Cas’ hand moves from Dean’s thigh to his cock and with the tips of his fingers, he touches a few of the freckles scattered on Dean’s cock. He can’t stop smiling in a sweet way. “You should appreciate more your freckles.” He advices moving his hand to Dean’s hips, tracing the freckles with the palms of his hands. “They are beautiful.”

Dean smiles shyly. “Thanks, Cas.”

Castiel presses a kiss on Dean’s knee and he closes his eyes. Pink Floyd can be heard in the distance; _Eclipse_ , the last song from the record, is sounding right now and Castiel is humming it. His soft humming strokes like fingers made of soft feathers Dean’s thigh. Definitely, Dean wasn’t expecting Cas to like Pink Floyd. Dean smiles as he sees Cas humming the short song. Soon the music stops and Castiel opens his eyes. He dedicates Dean a timid smile and then, he stands up.

“Wait here.” Castiel says. “I’m going to pick the record.” He leaves the bedroom.

Dean stays on the bed. He looks at the bedroom; he likes it. He likes the shelf with books and records, with some decorative figures on some of the racks. The wardrobe is huge. There are some watercolor paintings hanging on the walls. The walls are painted with a crème color and the floor has a gray moquette, but it is too dark that it seems almost black.

Castiel comes back with the record and he puts it with the ones on his shelf. Then, he turns around and he smiles at Dean, who doesn’t say anything, he just makes a tiny smile. Cas walks towards the bed and he sits on the edge of it.

“Sit and rest your back on the headboard.” Castiel says and Dean does it. Dean observes how Castiel’s eyes travel his body one more time, lust spreading quickly through that beautiful blue sea. “I want you to touch yourself, Dean.” He says with that arousing voice that turns Dean on so much. “But slowly.”

“What do you want me to touch?” Dean says with the same voice as he places his hand on his chest, moving is softly up and down.

Castiel bites his lower lip. “First, start with your nipples. Do whatever you like on them, but do it slowly.”

“Like this?” Dean places his thumbs on his nipples and he starts to make soothing circles around them, as slowly as he can. He even pinches one of them and he bites his lower lip. It isn’t as pleasurable as if Cas was the one doing it, but Dean knows where and how he needs to be touched to feel pleasure.

“Like this, yeah.” He says almost breathless.

Dean smirks; if Cas is breathless, it means that Dean is doing it good. Dean doesn’t take his eyes of Cas’, which are focused on Dean’s hands. Dean keeps touching his nipple, pinching them. “What if I go downer, Cas? Do you want me to touch my cock?” Dean suggests with a moaning voice. Castiel meets his eyes and he smirks. Dean knows that Cas wants Dean’s hands to go downer, so one of his hands starts to go down slowly, as the other is still pinching his nipple. Dean feels the muscles under his skin as his hand touches it. He grabs his cock and he starts to circle the head with his thumb.

Castiel licks his lips as he sees Dean’s hand playing with his cock. Dean smirks as he bites his lower lip and he starts to jerk himself off, as slow as possible, because that’s how Cas wants it. He even spreads his legs so Cas can have a better view of Dean touching himself. Something that makes Cas’ grin to go wider.

Dean moans when he tightens his grip on his cock. He moves his hand up and down his shaft, without taking his eyes from Cas’ face, seeing how the blue-eyed man is enjoying this. Dean can see in Cas’ pants that he is hard and Dean smirks. He changes his angle so the touch is more pleasurable and he moans a bit louder.

“Dean.” Castiel starts to say with that breathless but sexy voice. “Finger yourself with the other hand.”

And Dean places the hand that was on his nipple where his hole is. He gets one finger in as he keeps stroking his cock. Dean doesn’t waste too much time and he gets his second finger in. He moans harder because it feels too good. He fucks into his finger, rocking his hips, fucking at the same time into the hand that is fisting his cock, doing it slowly but steadily.

“Only two fingers, Dean?” Castiel sassies.

Dean chuckles. “Maybe you can help me with that.”

“You are a teasing little shit.” He says chuckling as well.

“You have no idea.”

“Get two more fingers and I’ll fuck you.” He whispers as he places his hands on Dean’s knees. “That’s what you want? My cock inside that pretty pink hole of yours?” He asks. Dean swears that he could come by just hearing Cas with that voice and talking dirty to him like that.

“Yeah.” He says and he gets a third finger in. He moans louder and he fucks into his fingers, and when they touch his prostate, he moans even louder than before.

“Come on, Dean, another finger and I’ll fuck you. You look so beautiful right now.” He sounds almost moaning and desperate.

Dean finally gets his fourth finger and he scissors his fingers, opening himself up. He moans and he moans with every touch of his fingers on his prostate and with every stroke his other hand makes on his cock. He hears Cas taking off his pants and underwear. Dean didn’t hear Cas opening the drawer for the condom and the lube, but when Dean opens his eyes, Cas has the condom on his cock and he is applying lube to his hard cock.

“Move your hands away.” Castiel says desperate.

Dean gets out his fingers and he pulls away the hand from his cock. Castiel grabs his wrists with both hands, holding them in place. It doesn’t take a lot for Castiel to push himself inside Dean, who moans in relief when he feels the hard cock filling him completely. Castiel fucks him with hard and steady thrusts, being so desperate and glad to finally feel Dean around his cock. He kisses Dean once in a while, getting his tongue inside Dean’s mouth, and Dean, of course, twirls his tongue with Castiel’s.

Dean moans harder and he digs his nails on his palms when Cas’ cock touches that sweet spot. He feels Castiel’s satisfactory smile on the skin of his neck; Cas is making several hickeys where the neck is about to meet his shoulder. Dean rocks his hips needy, asking for more and Cas give it to him.

One of Cas’ hands go directly to his cock and it starts to jerk it off. Dean fucks into Cas’ hand and Cas’ cock with needy and hard thrusts. He feels Cas’ smirk on his jaw. Dean moans harder and his whole body arches with all those sensations. Cas is like fire.

Several thrusts later, Dean doesn’t know how he is still breathing and much less how he manages to speak. “Cas, I’m gonna come.”

“Come for me, Dean.” Castiel whispers needy.

Dean comes easy and he makes a loud orgasm. He feels Cas coming inside him a few seconds later. Cas’ grip on Dean’s wrists softens and both of them relax and feel boneless. Their breathings are agitated and their lungs are craving desperate for air, but despite of that, they feel good.

Castiel gets out of Dean and he throws the condom to the paper bin. Then he rests above Dean; he hasn’t recovered his breath yet either. Dean has observed that unlike other clients, Cas likes to stay for a while with Dean. Usually, when Dean and the client had come, they only spend a couple of minutes and then, the client or Dean goes. But Cas likes Dean to stay with him longer. Cas likes to rest on Dean, with his head under Dean’s chin, taking a long time to move away. And Dean kind of likes it.

“I should clean us, don’t you think?” Castiel mumbles. There’s tiredness in his voice.

“Yeah, but right now I don’t wanna move. I don’t know about you.” Dean says.

Castiel makes a happy laughter and he rests his chin on Dean’s chest. “You get lazy after sex?”

“Only when the bed is comfortable.”

Another happy laughter. Cas looks gorgeous when he smiles or laughs. Those crinkles on the corner of his eyes are so cute. Dean can’t help smiling. Cas finally moves away and he searches on the drawer for a wet wipe. “Damn it.” He says.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asks worried. Castiel turns and Dean sees that there’s some come on Castiel’s shirt. “Oh, fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s my fault. I should have taken it off.” He says annoyed.

“Let me do it.” Dean says sitting on the bed. He grabs the wet wipe and he starts to clean the stain of his own come. “I’m used to wipe off come from clothes.” Sometimes clients didn’t like Dean to take off all his clothes and he stained his t-shirt.

“Thanks.” Castiel says when the stain is gone.

“You are welcome.” Dean says wiping off the mess of come on his stomach. Meanwhile, Castiel takes off his shirt and Dean can’t help looking. He has too much skin to kiss and to touch, and Dean would love to have the permission to touch and kiss as much as he wanted too, because Cas is fucking hot, but Dean is the whore; he hasn’t got a word to say what he wants. Cas is the one who does that.

Castiel puts on his boxers, a t-shirt and pyjama’s pants and Dean trashes the wet wipe. Then, he goes back to the living room, where his clothes are and he starts to get dressed up. Cas comes to the living room when Dean is already putting on his leather jacket.

“See you tomorrow Cas.” Dean says.

“See you, Dean. Goodnight.” Castiel says.

“Goodnight.” And Dean walks towards the main door. Dean can get used to this so easily. He is getting used to this and this has only been his third night with Cas.

And tomorrow he will come back to Cas’ apartment.

 

Saturday morning and afternoon pass quite fast. Dean has done all his homework, so this Sunday, he will have more free time for himself and maybe he and Sam can go out to watch a movie or something. He doesn’t know yet. The good thing about working for Cas, it is that Dean arrives quite soon home and he can sleep more. Coming back home two or three hours sooner than usually, it’s something fucking grateful for Dean’s sleep.

Time to go to Castiel’s apartment arrives, so Dean says goodbye to Sam and he goes to his Impala to drive the same road that he has to drive every night he has to work. He arrives as punctual as always. He rings the doorbell and he waits for Cas to open the door. When he does it, Dean sees that Cas has his mobile phone pressed against his chest.

“Come in. Sit on the couch.” Castiel whispers. Dean comes in and he sits on the couch. He will take off his clothes when Cas finishes talking on the phone. “Anna, I said no.” Castiel says quite angry. Dean hasn’t heard him like that before. Cas is usually sweet and calm. Hearing him this angry is unusual. “I don’t care! And I’m sure Raphael doesn’t want me there either!” He makes an exasperated grunt. “Anna, you know how my relationship with Raphael is. If it was Michael’s, maybe I would consider it. But there’s no possible way I’m going to Raphael’s birthday.” He sounds annoyed and angry and Dean wonders what it is going on. “He doesn’t want me there and I don’t want to be there either. I don’t need any other of his talks.” He takes a deep breath. “Anna, I know that you don’t like it, but it is the best. I’m tired of everyone except you, and you know this has been like this for years, so stop trying to fix it. Just leave it, okay?” He sounds tired and desperate. “Thank you.” He makes a pause. “Okay. Goodbye.” And he hangs up.

“Family problems?” Dean asks cautious and turning to see Cas.

“How do you know I was talking about my family?” He asks confused and walking to the couch. He sits down next to Dean.

“I’ve got a problematic family too.” He says. “And I know how angry and desperate one can get when you gotta talk with them.”

Castiel makes a sarcastic chuckle and he buries his face on his hands. He rubs his face and then, when he moves his hands away from his face, he talks. “Do you also have annoying parents and annoying brothers?”

“Just an annoying father. My little brother is awesome.” Dean confesses.

“What about your mother?”

“She’s dead.” He says sadly.

Castiel opens his eyes and there’s regret on his eyes. “Dean I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“It’s okay, Cas.” Dean says forcing a smile. It still hurts him to talk about his mother. “She died when I was four. It’s been a long time.” He looks down, trying not to see the sadness and the pity in Cas’ eyes. He doesn’t need that.

“I’m sorry.” Castiel says devastated.

“So, all your family is annoying?” Dean asks trying to change the subject.

“Yes. Except my sister Anna.” Castiel says resting his nape on the backrest. “She is the only one that accepts me. My parents and my elder brothers Michael and Raphael don’t like me too much.” He explains sadly. “I’m the youngest of the family and they still believe they can change me.” He takes a deep breath.

“They are dicks. You are fucking awesome.” Dean says. He truly believes that. He doesn’t understand how there can be anyone who doesn’t like Cas.

“Dean, don’t. I’m not.” He says in a fragile voice.

“You are it, Cas. I don’t know you a lot, but I think you are fucking awesome. You are smart, handsome and funny. You are great. And I truly mean it.” He says. He isn’t lying to Cas. He doesn’t know the guy for too long, but the few things he knows about Cas, are awesome.

“We barely know each other yet, but thank you for your words, Dean.” He says looking at Dean’s eyes and making a cute shy smile. “Your brother must be very lucky to have you as his elder brother.”

“Nah, I’m the lucky one. Sam is great.” He says with a proud smile. “He is a great brother. Sometimes he is a bit annoying and an asshole but he is awesome.”

Castiel chuckles. “You are too cute when you talk about your brother.”

“Yeah, well. I’ve been taking care of him since I was four. I’ve raised him, y’know?” Dean doesn’t know why he is talking about this with Cas. He doesn’t usually talk about this with anyone, but here he is, talking with Cas. Dean doesn’t understand why he is doing any of this, but he keeps talking. “My life hasn’t been easy and Sam has been there to help me in the hardest moments when we were kids. He still does it. And he is great.”

“I envy your relationship.” He confesses with a sad voice. “Anna and I get on very well, but we don’t have a great relationship. We call each other, but nothing else. But I know I can count on her if I need her, and she can count with me when she needs to. But the rest of the time, we just have our lives and that’s all. The problem comes with the rest of my family. I wasn’t the kid they wanted me to be and then, when I was a teenager and I told them I was gay, well, they didn’t take it too well. Only Anna took it well. Since then, I barely know about my family, just some special occasions, like Christmas and things like that.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry to hear that, Cas.” Dean says. His father doesn’t like knowing that Dean is bisexual either. Dean understands Cas too well. “How about we forget all that crap and do whatever you had in mind for tonight?” Dean says standing up.

“That would be perfect.” Castiel says with a tiny smile on his lips.

Dean starts to get undressed and as he is wearing fewer clothes, Castiel’s smile gets bigger. When Dean is naked, Cas tells him to sit on his lap and Cas starts to stroke Dean’s naked skin, touring it slowly and gently, as if he was trying to memorize every small detail on Dean’s body. Those touches are followed by arousing ones. Cas touches Dean’s cock as he licks one of his nipples. Dean rests his hands on Castiel’s shoulders, fighting the urge to run them through that messy black hair.

When both of them are hard, they go to Castiel’s bedroom and they fuck. Castiel takes his time to kiss Dean’s chest before opening Dean up. Then, when he starts to finger Dean, he teases him a little with just grazing Dean’s prostate and avoiding Dean to fuck into his fingers. Dean chuckles and he begs a little, something that Cas seems to like because then, he pulls his fingers deeper and Castiel touches his prostate.

It doesn’t take too long after that to Cas to finally fuck Dean. His thrusts aren’t as gentle as always, but they aren’t painful. Dean can feel Castiel’s fingers pressing on his skin, something that will leave some marks on his skin. Both of them need to forget about their crap and this is the way.

Dean comes first. Castiel comes later, only a few moments after Dean, when he has fucked Dean with a couple more thrusts. Like always, they stay in their usual position; Dean lying on the mattress and Cas above him.

“You always make me feel good, Dean.” Castiel says with a whisper. His voice sounds far away, but he is really close.

“That’s for what I am here.” Dean says a bit serious.

Castiel takes a deep breath and he kisses Dean’s chest. “I had something different in mind for tonight, but—” He inhales sharply. “I wasn’t in the mood after talking with my sister.”

“We can do it any other night, Cas. Don’t worry.” Dean says. He also needed some rough sex after their small talk.

Castiel moves and leans over to kiss Dean. “You are right.”

Castiel wipes off Dean’s come and then, both of them get dressed; Cas in the bedroom and Dean in the living room. When Dean is almost dressed, Castiel rests his elbow on the wall and he watches Dean get dressed up.

“Don’t overthink about your family, Cas.” Dean says. He can see in the sea of Castiel’s eyes that he is still thinking about his family. “You are much better than them.”

“You don’t know them, Dean. How can you say that?” Castiel asks with a mysterious smile.

Dean shrugs. “You are a great guy. It isn’t hard to see that. If they can’t see that, that’s ‘cause they are idiots.”

Castiel chuckles and he shakes his head. “You are one of a kind.” He says with lovely eyes. “Thank you, Dean. For everything.”

“You are welcome Cas.” He says putting on his jacket. “Well, I’ll see you next week.”

“Yes.” His smile gets bigger.

“Goodnight, Cas.” He says walking towards the main door.

“Goodnight to you too, Dean.”


	5. Chapter 5

A couple of weeks have passed and Dean and Castiel are more than comfortable with their agreement. Dean really likes coming to Castiel’s apartment, he kind of looks forward for it and sometimes weeks pass really slow and Friday doesn’t seem to come ever. Cas also seems really happy and satisfied with Dean. They have gained their trust and Cas is more confident with doing different things with Dean. There hasn’t been any painful moment and Dean is fucking grateful for that.

Dean received his monthly salary a week ago and he is really happy. Cas is good to him and he pays him a lot. Dean couldn’t expect as much as this as a whore. He is really glad about working for Cas.

Yesterday was Friday, so Dean was at Cas’; there was some bondage with those special ropes they sell in any sex shop, while Cas kissed Dean, sucking marks on his sensitive and soft skin. He teased Dean with his fingers, making him to crave for more, and Dean wanted it too bad, but Cas wasn’t giving it all to him, he was teasing Dean, until he could hear him beg, and Dean begged and finally, Cas’ fingers did those wonderful things they can do inside Dean and then, Cas fucked him in that wonderful way of his; hard but sweet.

Today it’s Saturday and Dean hasn’t got a lot of to do in the morning. Sam is sleeping soundly; he tries to sleep as much as he can on Saturdays. He tries to get up at the same time as Dean, because he loves Dean’s breakfast, but that only happens once in a while, only when the smell of pancakes and bacon are too intense. Anyway, Sam is still sleeping and he won’t be awake until midday, so Dean decides to go and visit Bobby to see how the old man is doing.

Before Dean leaves, he leaves a note on the fridge, telling Sam where he is going, just in case he wakes up and Dean isn’t already there. He closes the door and he drives to Bobby’s house; it isn’t so far, but Dean loves driving in his Impala, hearing his tapes and drumming on the wheel along the music. He loves driving his baby.

Dean parks his car on Bobby’s garage and when he gets out of the car he walks towards the main door and he knocks it a couple of times. Bobby opens the door, looking like always, with his beard, his cap, and his grumpy smile.

“Idjit, where have you been all this time?” Bobby greets.

“Hello to you too.” Dean sassies.

“Boy, don’t ya sass me.” He warns in his usual not too angry voice. Bobby can look grumpy, well, he can be grumpy and sometimes really angry, but Dean knows that he and Sam are his weak spots. Bobby has raised the Winchesters brothers and he has helped them before Dean could work. Dean knows that Bobby has been more father than his own father, John. “C’me in.” He says patting Dean’s shoulder a bit too hard, but always affectionate. Dean gets in and he follows Bobby to the kitchen. Every time Dean arrives, Bobby always picks two beer bottles. Dean doesn’t drink too much, only in some occasions like visiting Bobby or for any special celebration. Dean has an alcoholic father and he has seen where drinking too much alcohol can lead you. “Tell me, how’ve you been?” He says sitting in front of Dean and taking a sip of beer.

“Busy.” Dean says rubbing his eyes. “Studies and work have me quite busy. But I’m not as busy as I used to.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

“I’ve got a new turn on the job. It is some kind of promotion.” He starts to explain. Bobby knows the same lie about Dean’s job that everyone. Bobby has always been quite interested about Dean’s job, because he didn’t want Dean to get into something bad. If Bobby knew what Dean really does… “They pay me more and I work two hours less. I don’t arrive home too late, so I can sleep more, which is awesome.”

“Sounds good. What is the new turn about?”

Dean knew Bobby was going to ask him something like that. “More of less the same. Serving people their drinks, but this is for the VIP clients. And surprisingly, they are nicer than the no-VIP.”

“Good to know they are treating you well.”

“Yeah, I met some dicks in the other turn.” Dean says arching his brows and taking a sip. The cold beer feels good in his throat. “What about you? How’s been the work?”

“As always. Some days the work goes great, full with clients and other days, there are just a couple. Y’know how this goes.” He explains. “Are you sure ya don’t wanna work here?”

“Nah. I earn a lot in that place. You know I would really like to work here, but, my studies are expensive, and Sam’s will be too.”

“I think the boy is gonna get a scholarship.” He says with a proud voice and with a happy smile.

“I think so too, but better be safe than sorry, right? Anyway, I still need to pay the bills, the food, gas for my baby… There are too many expenses and someone has to pay all of that.” He takes a deep breath and he takes a long sip of beer.

“Hasn’t John appeared?” He asks serious. John and Bobby were friends, but that was a long time ago, before John decided to forget about his life, his kids and only dedicate his life to a bottle of whiskey. Bobby will never forgive him that. Dean and Sam won’t either, but John is still their father and it is complicated.

“No. I don’t know if he will. I just keep on with my life, if he decides to show up, well, I don’t know how things will go.” He drums the bottle and chews his lip nervously.

“Last time didn’t go well.”

“It has never gone well for years.”

Bobby nods and he takes a sip. “If anything happens—”

“I know.” Dean interrupts looking at those old eyes. “Don’t worry.” Dean looks down at his bottle. He moves it slightly and he sees the liquid hitting the brown walls made of glass. He takes his last sip and he places it on the table.

“Anything else new on your busy life?” Bobby asks. Dean is grateful that they change the topic; neither of them likes to talk about John.

“No.” Dean says. Bobby arches a brow and Dean makes a confused sight. Then, Bobby makes an obvious look and he touches his own neck. Dean touches his neck confused and then, he remembers. He has a hickey there. Cas loves to suck his neck; he always tries to keep it as down as possible, but sometimes he forgets it, both of them do, actually. Damn it. Dean has to make up something. “Oh, this.” Dean says chuckling embarrassingly. Why did Bobby have to look at that? Thankfully neither Sam nor Charlie saw it. He would be fucked up if his brother or his best friend found it out. They would start to make a lot of questions. “It was just a guy.” Dean lies.

“Only a guy?” Bobby asks with his parenting voice.

“Yeah. What? Can’t I have fun once in a while?” But it isn’t fun, it is work. Although he is enjoying his work; for the first time ever. “The guy was hot and we liked each other so we had sex. Do you want any other detail?”

“Balls! No!” Bobby says with a disgusted face. He knows about Dean’s sexuality, but he doesn’t like picturing Dean having sex with anyone.

Dean chuckles because Bobby’s face right now is too funny. “You asked.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t asking for _that_ , idjit!” He exclaims annoyed and rolling his eyes. Dean squints his eyes and Bobby takes a deep breath. “When was the last time you had fun like that?”

Actually, Dean has been having fun with Cas for more than a month. He knows it isn’t the same as having sex with someone who isn’t paying you, but sex with Cas is pretty awesome. Dean would love to have a word about the things he and Cas are going to do during sex, but Dean is the whore, so he has to shut up and do what Cas wants. Anyways, Dean enjoys working for Cas, more than he should, but it is better to enjoy your work than not, even if you are a whore.

Dean makes a thoughtful grimace; Bobby is still waiting for an answer. “I don’t know. About a year or so.” Dean lies. “With one thing or another, I didn’t have too much time and I wasn’t in the mood.”

“That’s why I was surprised to see that too obvious purple mark on your neck.” Bobby snaps with a smirk. Dean smiles and rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, whatever.” Dean says with a tiring smile and he stands up. “Gotta go. Sammy must be about to wake up and I have to make lunch.”

Bobby stands up as well. “All right. I hope it doesn’t take you too long to come and visit me, ya idjit.” He pulls Dean into a tight hug and Bobby pats his back in a strong but fondly way.

“I’ll try. See you Bobby.” Dean says going towards the door.

“See ya, Dean.”

Dean gets back in his Impala and he drives back home. As he is driving, his mobile phone rings. He parks his car, he was fined once for talking on his phone while he was driving and Dean doesn’t want to pay that too fucking expensive fine again. When he pulls his phone from his pocket, he frowns at it when he sees the name on the screen. It is Cas.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean greets confused. They have never talked on their phones or sent a single text message. It is strange to see that Cas is calling him right now.

 _“Hello Dean.”_ Castiel greets too. His voice sounds sweeter than usually.

“Everything okay?” He asks worried.

 _“Yes. Why do you ask?”_ Dean can’t see him, but he knows Cas is frowning right now.

“This is the first time you call me.”

 _“I know. Is there any problem about it?”_ He sounds a bit sad about it, as if he was afraid of doing something wrong.

“No, not at all, it’s just, unusual.” Dean says casually.

_“Can you talk right now? I mean, if it is a bad moment—”_

“Yeah, don’t worry. I just got back from Bobby’s house.” He says. Cas knows about Bobby. During these past weeks, once in a while, they have talked a little bit about themselves and they are getting to know each other a little bit better. Something that it is unusual with clients and whore, but this thing in between them isn’t usual at all. “I’m in my car.”

_“You aren’t driving, right? Because if you are, I’m hanging up. I don’t want you to have a car accident.”_

Dean chuckles. “Don’t worry, I parked the car. I was fined once for talking on the phone while driving. I don’t want to take any risk.”

 _“Good, then.”_ He says.

There’s a small silence. Cas is like that sometimes. He is a bit awkward, something really weird for a guy who can do the dirtiest things on bed. “So why did you call?”

 _“I want to ask you something.”_ He says shyly. Dean arches his eyebrows intrigued. He would bet all his money and he wouldn’t lose a single cent on saying that Cas is blushing right now. When they aren’t having sex and when both of them are fully dressed, Cas turns out to be really shy. It is as if when they were naked, or Dean was the only one naked, he feels some confidence he doesn’t fully have usually. Dean wonders why.

“Shoot.” He says.

He can almost hear Cas biting his lower lip in a nervous way. _“I want you to surprise me tonight with something.”_

“Surprise you?” Dean asks puzzled. What the hell does Cas mean with that?

 _“Yes. I want you to wear something that you think I might find sexy.”_ He sounds more confident as he talks, but there’s still a small hint of shyness in his voice.

“Something that surprises you?” He asks arching one brow. He bites his lower lip. Cas wants him to surprise him. The idea arouses Dean.

_“Yes. Can you do that?”_

“I think I can.” He says with a cocky voice and smile.

_“Yeah? You sound too cocky.”_

“And you sound too sassy.” Dean snaps. Castiel laughs and Dean really likes that sound. It is so happy and so bright. “You’ll see and you’ll tell me what you think.”

 _“Okay.”_ He says and Dean can hear Cas’ smile. Just imagining those cute crinkles appearing on the corner of those too stunning blue eyes makes Dean smile.

“By the way, since we are talking, I need to tell you something; I don’t know if you are gonna agree with it.” Dean says a bit nervous.

 _“What is it, Dean?”_ There’s concern in his voice. Seriously, is this guy real? Since when do clients worry about their whores? Cas is always worrying about Dean. He doesn’t ask as much as he did if Dean is okay with doing something; they have been having sex for more than a month and Cas knows what Dean is comfortable with, but still, if Cas wants to do something new, he always consults it with Dean to know if it is okay with him.

He clears his throat before he starts to talk nervously. “It’s about the hickeys on my neck. Bobby has just saw them and—”

 _“And you don’t want anyone to see them because they will suspect if you keep appearing with several hickeys for weeks.”_ Castiel finishes.

“Yeah.” He says guilty. He can’t ask Cas this; it isn’t right. Cas is paying him and Dean is going to deny him something that Cas should be allowed to do.

 _“It’s understandable. I should have been more careful. I’m sorry”_ He says. Dean’s jaw drops down. Cas is apologizing for this. No, seriously, how is he even real?

“Cas, no it’s okay— You can keep leaving me hickeys on my neck. Just don’t do it too often. I can lie, y’know?”

_“Dean, no, I don’t want to complicate your life.”_

“Cas, my life is already complicated. I’m a whore. I’m used to lie to my friends and family.” Dean says with an obvious voice. It hurts to think about those words.

Castiel exhales sharply, in that huffy way of his. _“Whatever, but I’m going to do what you ask me. I’ll only make you hickeys on your neck once every month at much.”_

“Cas—”

 _“Shut up, Dean.”_ He says bossy. Dean rolls his eyes but he smiles. He likes bossy Cas. _“You wouldn’t have asked me if it wasn’t troubling you.”_

“It’s not troubling me. It’s just—”

_“Too many lies.”_

“Yeah.” Dean says looking down at his knees. “Why are you this compressive, Cas? Usually people don’t give a fuck about their whores.” He asks almost mumbling.

 _“Dean, you are a person. Being a prostitute doesn’t mean that you stop being a person.”_ He says strongly. _“I told you our first night. This agreement is about trust and both of us have to be comfortable about this. You aren’t the only one hiding this. Do you think I talk about this with my sister or with any of my colleagues?”_

“I guess not.” He says resting his head on the back of the seat.

 _“It’s not that I’m ashamed of what we do, I really have a good time with you.”_ He says happily and even a little proud.

“Me too.” Dean confesses.

Cas makes a soft chuckle. Then, he sighs and he keeps talking. _“But both of us have our reasons to not tell the truth about this. This is complicated and both of us know it. It isn’t something we can talk freely to anybody except us. So I understand your reasons. So if you tell me not to leave hickeys on your neck because it will imply more lies and it will trouble you, I won’t do it.”_

“You know that you are the fucking greatest guy in the world?” Dean says grateful.

 _“Dean, shut up.”_ He says timidly and laughing. Dean knows Cas must be blushing right now. Too bad he isn’t seeing that.

“Thanks for understanding, Cas.”

_“You are welcome. Although it is going to be hard. Your neck is so tempting.”_

Dean laughs. “Yeah, sorry.” He feels a bit guilty for that. But he is really glad that Cas understands why Dean wants that. Cas is fucking great.

_“Don’t worry.”_

“Well, I’m gonna hang up. I need to make lunch for me and my giant little brother. I’ll see you tonight and I’ll surprise you with sexy clothes.”

 _“I’m looking forward for that._ ” He says in that sexy voice that drives Dean quite crazy. _“See you tonight, Dean.”_

Dean hangs up and he saves his phone in his pocket. He bites his lower lip as he imagines Cas’ face when he sees what Dean is going to wear. Dean is sure that Cas is going to like it and he isn’t expecting Dean to wear that. Dean can’t help smiling with that thought.

 

Dean arrives at Cas’ apartment and he rigs the doorbell, like he always does. Like every Saturday, Cas is dressed with one of his worn t-shirts and jeans. Cas told Dean that he works from Monday to Friday at the hospital and he is free on Saturday and Sunday. That’s why on Fridays Cas is so well dressed and on Saturdays he is more casual. Anyways, Dean likes both of the looks. Cas looks so attractive with his pants and his shirt and he looks too freaking cute with his worn clothes.

“Hey Cas.” Dean greets with his charming smile when the door is opened.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel says opening the door widely so Dean can get it. Dean starts to walk towards the living room and Cas follows him after closing the door. “Are you going to surprise me?” Castiel asks sitting on the couch.

“I think so.” Dean answers as he takes off his boots.

“I like it when you are this confident.”

Dean smiles at him in a cocky way and he starts to take off his jacket. His jeans are going to be the last thing to be taken off. Like always, Castiel’s eyes are being filled with lust as Dean is wearing less clothes. Finally, Dean takes off his jeans and he reveals what he is wearing. When Cas sees it, he opens his eyes widely and he parts his lips.

Dean is wearing black lace panties and black tights that only go until the middle of his thighs, leaving some skin naked in between the panties and the tights. Dean has had those things for years; sometimes he has worn them in the Red Candy Club. He has always liked wearing panties once in a while; they are sexy.

“You were right.” Castiel says impressed and surprised. He stands up and he looks at Dean from top to bottom, eyes lingering on the sexy lingerie. “You definitely surprised me.”

Dean smirks in a smug way. “I told you.”

Castiel squeezes his nose and he places his hand on Dean’s crotch squeezing it gently but a bit hard. Dean gasps surprised and Castiel places his mouth almost on Dean’s, but they aren’t kissing. “Don’t be so cocky.” He warns with that sexy voice. Then he kisses Dean in a dirty way, pushing his tongue inside Dean’s mouth as he keeps grabbing Dean’s cock, hidden under the panties and stroking it.

Dean moans in the kiss and he feels Cas’ cocky smile on the kiss. Then, Castiel moves his mouth from Dean’s lips to the skin that it is behind Dean’s earlobe and he starts to kiss it and lick it. Dean really likes to be kissed there. He feels how his knees are starting to be made of jelly and he moans when Castiel tightens his grip on his cock and he bites his earlobe.

“Cas—” Dean moans.

Cas pulls away his mouth and he looks directly at Dean’s face. “I like it when you moan my name.” Castiel confesses with a pretty but shy smile.

“You do?” Dean arches a brow and makes a wide smirk. Castiel nods. “I’ll moan it more often, then. But you’ll have to earn it.”

Castiel bites his lower lip and arches his brow too. “Oh yeah?” He sounds really sassy and Dean can’t help smiling. “Like this?” And with his hand, he squeezes Dean’s cock.

“Cas—!” Dean says half a moan and half a chuckle.

Castiel laughs in a sweet way and then he kisses Dean again, softly, biting gently Dean’s lower lip. When he pulls away, he looks at Dean’s lingerie and his hand traces the soft fabric of the panties. “I like how you look with them.”

“Thanks.”

Castiel’s hands keep tracing the panties and then the higher part of the tights until they are back to the panties. Dean is already hard and Cas is now caressing the length of Dean’s cock, feeling it under the black silk of the panties. His hands play with the elastic and Cas caresses with his thumbs Dean’s freckled skin. Dean, meanwhile, watches how Cas’ hands move.

“I know I tell you this all the time.” Castiel starts to say. He tilts his head up and he meets Dean’s green eyes. “But you are beautiful.” There’s softness and sweetness in his voice and Dean knows that he truly means them. Dean just makes a tiny smile and Cas kisses him delicately. “Can I ask you to do something?” He asks shyly.

“Cas, what have I told you? You don’t need—” Dean starts to say, but Cas places his finger on Dean’s lips to hush him.

“And what have I told you about that both of us need to be comfortable with this?” He asks serious. Dean kisses Cas’ finger and Castiel smiles.

“Just tell me. Without questioning.” Dean says.

“I want you to suck my cock.” Castiel says.

Dean arches a brow. Cas hasn’t asked him this before and Dean was wondering when he would. Dean is used to give blowjobs to many clients and he was confused that Cas didn’t ask him for a blowjob before. “Perfect.”

“Perfect?” Castiel says chuckling.

“What? You have a nice cock.” He says casually and Castiel blushes a lot. Cas only blushes when Dean is fully dressed, something odd, but that’s how Cas is, he is weird and hard to understand sometimes. Right now Cas is really blushed and Dean thinks he is adorable. “Cas, why are you blushing this much now? You have heard me saying dirtier things. And you have said dirtier things too.”

“I know, it’s just—” He looks down and he bites his lower lip as he makes a nervous smile.

Dean kisses him sweetly at first but then, he gets his tongue inside Cas’ mouth. He really likes how wet and warm that mouth and tongue are. Cas moans in the kiss and Dean is the first one to pull away. “You aren’t used to hear compliments about your cock.” Dean finishes Cas’ sentence.

Cas nods. “You blushed too when I complimented the freckles on your cock.” He reminds him. Dean nods. Cas chuckles. “We are weird. We have no problem about fucking or doing sexual things but we can’t compliment our cocks without blushing.”

Dean laughs. “Yeah, we are weird.” Castiel joins his laughter too. “Well, am I gonna suck your dick or are we gonna keep laughing like idiots?”

Castiel glares him in a friendly way. “Are you dying to suck my dick?”

“A little, yeah.” He says teasingly.

Castiel draws him into a kiss as he smiles. “Okay.” He takes off all his clothes quickly, not caring where they end. Dean feels his mouth go a bit dry with that; Cas turns him on a lot. When Cas is completely naked, he sits on the couch and he spreads his legs. “What are you waiting for?”

Dean is standing and he is looking at Cas with wide and lustful eyes; Cas looks so fucking great naked. Dean makes a smirk and he walks towards Cas. Dean kneels and he places his hands on Cas’ knees. They look at each other for a moment before Dean starts to suck Cas’ cock.

“Fuck, Dean—” Castiel gasps.

Dean sucks Castiel’s cock, tasting the salty skin and twirling his tongue along the length of it. Castiel spreads his legs even more and he places one of his hands in Dean’s hair, digging his nails on Dean’s scalp. Dean keeps bobbing his head up and down, getting with every bob a wonderful sound from Cas. Dean swallows the cock until it is pressing the back of his throat and Castiel moans really loud.

“Your fucking mouth Dean!” Castiel moans desperate.

Dean looks through his eyelashes to Cas, who looks so fucking gorgeous and rapt; his eyes are closed, his lips are parted, his head is tilted up and his chest is moving shakily because his lungs are craving for air. So Dean keeps blowing Cas, pressing his lips harder on the skin, moving his tongue along the cock, feeling everything with it, going deeper. He bobs his head, giving Cas all that wonderful pleasure and feeling how Cas is surrendering to Dean’s mouth and how his nails dig more in Dean’s scalp.

Cas has a really long and thick cock, but Dean keeps swallowing it all, from the top to the bottom, pressing it hard against his throat, moaning when that happens. Then, Dean starts to play with the head of it, making circles with his tongue, sucking the head of the cock with enthusiasm.

“Dean— oh fuck—”

Dean loves those sounds too much. He smirks and he licks the head of the cock a couple of times before he takes all the cock in his mouth and he sucks it harder, bobbing his head faster, making Cas to moan and groan and to shake his body.

Castiel comes quite hard and Dean’s mouth is filled with the warm release. He swallows it all as Cas keeps orgasming. Dean wants all of it; he doesn’t want to waste any of Cas’ come. When all the come is gone, Dean lets Cas’ cock go out of his mouth with a popping and wet sound. He sees that Cas is smiling and panting.

“Dean—” Castiel starts to say breathless. “You have an extraordinary mouth.” His smile goes wider. He opens his eyes and he looks at Dean. He passes his thumb along Dean’s wet bottom lip. Castiel bites his lip. “You have been so good to me.” He cups Dean’s face with both of his hands and he leans over to kiss Dean. “You have surprised me with your sexy lingerie and now you have blown me so fucking great. I want to reward it to you.” He says before kissing Dean again.

Dean is excited about that. Cas stands up and he makes Dean to stand up as well. Castiel places his hands on Dean’s waist and he bites Dean’s lower lip before kissing him dirtily. Then, when Castiel’s lips are no longer on Dean’s, he pulls down Dean’s panties. “I’m going to blow your pretty freckled cock.” Castiel announces. Dean’s stomach flinches with that and he opens his eyes widely. Holy shit, Cas is going to blow him. “Do you want that, Dean? Do you want my mouth on your pretty cock?” He says needy and arousing.

“Yeah.” Dean says with his mouth extremely dry. It is the only word he can actually manage to say in this moment. Cas has made him lost the ability to speak right now.

Castiel smirks and he pushes Dean down the couch. He spreads Dean’s legs and he places his hands on Dean’s thighs. Dean breathes heavily. Clients never want to suck his cock; Dean is the one who has to suck cocks, not otherwise. But here he is, with Cas about to suck his cock and Dean is filled with arousal and anticipation and need.

Dean closes his eyes and moans when Cas starts to suck his dick. Dean can’t remember the last time someone sucked his cock. He bites his lower lip and unconsciously places his hands in Cas’ black messy hair. Dean feels Castiel’s tongue swirling on his cock, tasting him everywhere. Then, Castiel pushes his mouth deeper, until he takes all of Dean’s cock in his mouth and Dean moans.

“Holy fuck Cas—!”

Dean swears there’s a smirk on Cas’ lips right now, but he isn’t fully sure and he doesn’t care too much because damn it, this feels too fucking good. Cas keeps bobbing his head, going from the head of Dean’s cock to the bottom, pressing his lips harder as moments pass. Dean keeps moaning Cas’ name and he digs his nails on Cas’ head.

Castiel moves faster his head and holy shit, it feels even better. Dean moans and groans; this is too much and he is going to lose it all. He wants to last, but Cas makes it so hard, it feels too good, it is so pleasurable and his cock is twitching from coming. He feels Cas’ tongue play on his head and Dean shakes. Cas even moans when he gets all Dean’s cock in his mouth. _Holy shit_ , he fucking moans and Dean could come just with that.

When Cas’ mouth keeps bobbing faster, Dean comes and he makes a too loud moan with Cas’ name on it. As Dean is in the heat of coming, Cas is swallowing all of Dean’s come. When Dean feels Cas pulling away from his cock and sitting on his lap, Dean opens his eyes. He sees that there’s some come falling down Cas’ chin, so Dean sticks out his tongue and he licks it. Cas lets Dean’s tongue to get inside his mouth and they kiss in a really dirty way.

“Thank you for that.” Dean breathes out when they aren’t longer kissing.

Castiel bites his lip and he makes a shy smile. “Did you like it?”

Dean nods. “Yeah. It’s been years since I was blown, and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t blown as enthusiastically as tonight.”

Castiel laughs and he kisses Dean then. “Well, you’ve been really good with me tonight; actually all the nights you are here you are really good with me.” He says as he plays with his fingers on Dean’s collarbone. “It was about time to reward you.”

“I appreciate it, Cas.”

Cas kisses him again and then, he looks at the panties. “Can I try them on?”

“Sure.” Dean says happily.

Cas moves away and he puts on the panties. “How do I look with them?” He asks as he turns over so Dean can see him perfectly.

“Fucking hot.”

Castiel chuckles and he sits next to Dean. “I have never worn women’s lingerie.” He confesses as he touches the panties. “How is it that you have panties and tights?” Cas asks as he caresses Dean’s thigh, feeling the fabric of the tight.

“I kind of like panties.” He confesses. Castiel looks at him surprised. “But sometimes clients liked them so I bought a couple of them. I even have pink panties.”

“I would like you to wear them one night.” Castiel says in an eager way.

“Sure.”

Castiel rests his head on Dean’s shoulder as he keeps stroking Dean’s thighs. They are both still tired and no one is willing to stand up yet. Dean is sure that Cas will say that they should go to the bedroom and fuck. But right now, both of them want to catch their breaths and rest. Dean likes this, to just rest with Cas next to him. It feels good.

There’s something about Cas that Dean likes. It isn’t only about Cas being really gorgeous; there’s something else. Maybe it is that Cas treats him like a person, not just as a whore. Both of them know what all of this is about, but it feels good to Dean to be treated as a person, not as if he was a sexual toy. He feels good and safe with Cas, and he knows that they can talk about things that they don’t talk about with anyone else. Sometimes Dean feels as if this wasn’t only about a whore and a client. It isn’t about friends and much less lovers, but there’s some trust that Dean hasn’t had before. He can’t put a name to it, but it is there. That weird nameless thing he and Cas have.

“How about we go to the bedroom?” Cas suggests almost purring.

“Okay.” Dean says.

Both of them stand up and Castiel takes off the panties. “I want you to keep your tights on, if you don’t mind.”

“You really like them, don’t you?” Dean teases

Castiel chuckles. “Yeah, I do. They look good on you. I prefer you completely naked, but tonight is an exception.” Cas says grabbing Dean’s wrist.

They go to Cas’ bedroom and when they arrive, Cas pulls Dean into a kiss and he pushes him down on the mattress gently. Cas keeps kissing Dean’s mouth and Dean rocks his hips slowly. Cas smiles and he starts to play with Dean’s bottom lip in between his. After that, Cas starts to trace down Dean with kisses. He kisses the chin, the neck, the collarbone, the chest, he sucks Dean’s left nipple until it is hard and Dean has moaned a few times, he kisses the tummy, then, he kisses the upper skin of Dean’s thighs, where the tights aren’t. He moves his lips to the inner of Dean’s thighs and he sucks the sensitive skin, leaving hickeys there.

Dean moans and bites his lips as he fists the sheets. When he looks at Cas, there’s lust in that blue sea he has for eyes. Cas dedicates him a hussy smile and he places his hands on Dean’s hipbones. He doesn’t say a word, he just keeps smiling like that and then, Cas pushes his tongue inside Dean’s hole.

“Fucking fuck Cas!” Dean says surprised.

Dean feels how Cas’ tongue gets deeper into his hole, moving quick and steady. Dean’s body arches and he keeps swearing and moaning Cas’ name as that tongue keeps moving inside him. Cas presses his tongue even deeper and Dean spreads his legs even more, moaning quite loud.

Castiel gets his mouth out of Dean and he cleans it, then, he grabs a condom, he puts it on, he applies some lube on his cock, and he starts to fuck Dean, who moans harder and places his hands on Castiel’s blades, scratching Cas’ back a little, but without causing him any pain at all.

The thrusts are quick and hard, with that sweetness that Cas can only give him. Dean closes his eyes and he tightens his legs around Cas’ waist. Even his toes curl. Cas keeps fucking him in that wonderful way, without stopping for a moment, moaning with Dean, kissing him once in a while, until Dean has to moan because Cas’ cock touches his prostate and it feels really fucking good.

It goes like that for several moments, both of them rocking their hips, Cas going faster and Dean fucking into his cock needier and quicker. Their hips collide, their moans are muffled, their breaths are shaky and warm. Dean presses himself closer to Cas and Cas keeps thrusting in that wonderful way.

Dean comes again with a moan and a groan when Cas touches that sweet spot again. After some few thrusts, Cas comes too and he lets all his weight rest over Dean. It is always like that; they come, they feel boneless, Cas gets out of Dean and throws the condom to the paper bin and they rest. Cas above Dean, resting his hands on the freckled shoulders and Dean resting his on the small of Castiel’s back.

“It’s been a fucking great night.” Dean murmurs exhausted.

Castiel lets out a soft chuckle. “Yes, it has been.” He kisses Dean’s chest, then he looks at his alarm clock. “Wow, it’s quite late.” Dean looks at the alarm clock too. It is 1:17 a.m. He usually leaves Cas’ apartment before it is 1 a.m. But tonight was a really good night and he doesn’t regret staying up late. “You can sleep here if you want to. It is later than usually and we are pretty exhausted.” He suggests.

“Don’t worry, Cas. My house isn’t too far. And Sam might be worried about me.” He says lazily. It is going to be hard to abandon Cas’ comfortable bed.

“Then I won’t delay you more.” He says moving away. Dean stands up and he walks towards the living room. Cas follows him because his clothes are there too. When they are both dressed, Cas speaks. “You will come back next week, right?”

“Cas, you know I will.” Dean says smiling. “I like coming here.”

There’s that cute blush appearing on Castiel’s cheeks. In Dean’s opinion, Cas should blush more often; he is adorable with flushed cheeks. “Then, see you on Friday.” Cas says timidly.

“Yeah, see you. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Cas says.

Dean walks towards the main door and he closes it when he is out. He gets in his Impala and he drives back home. There’s a smile on his lips. It has been a good night. Cas was extremely good with him. He always has a great time at Cas’, but tonight was the best.

When Dean opens the door, Sam shakes on the couch and opens his eyes. He fell asleep on the couch. He rubs his eyes confused and he looks at his watch as Dean closes the door.

“Why are you this late?” Sam asks as he stretches himself on the couch. Dean is about to answer, but his little brother interrupts him. “Wow, what a hickey.” He says with that cocky smile.

Dean covers it and he makes a grimace. It is the same hickey that Bobby saw. Dean forgot to cover it when he got dressed up at Cas’. “Yeah, I’ve been with a guy after work.” Dean says. Sam has saw the hickey and Bobby too, so there is no point about telling Sam any other lie.

“Really?” Sam says half sassy half curious.

“Yeah. He was fucking hot. I needed to have some sex.” Dean simply says.

“Good for you.” Sam says with a proud pout.

“Shut up, and c’mon, it’s late. Time for bed.” He says.

Sam just nods and makes a cocky and sassy smile. Dean just rolls his eyes. His brother is a little bitch sometimes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this by far. Thanks a lo for reading, for the kudos, the wonderful comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :)

“ _Dean, this is amazing!_ ” Sam exclaims overflowing happiness over the phone. Sam is out of Kansas this week; his high school decided to go with some of their greatest students to Stanford, so they could see the university. Dean thinks it is a bit stupid, there’s a freaking university here, where Dean studies, there’s no need to take some kids to California to see a university. But Dean guesses that Stanford is better than Kansas City University. “ _This place is great!_ ”

“Yeah, Sam I know. You’ve been telling me that for the last five minutes.” Dean says rubbing his eyes. He is happy about Sam liking Stanford and he knows that Sam wants to study there. Dean is proud and happy of his little brother, but a small part inside Dean doesn’t want his little brother to go there. Dean has been taking care of Sam his whole life and he doesn’t want him to leave. He knows he is selfish, but Dean doesn’t like the idea of his brother leaving. His mother left, his father left and now Sammy is too. Dean knows that Sam is going to come back, but things are going to be different and they will change and Dean isn’t ready for that.

“ _Because it’s awesome!_ ” Sam insists enthusiastic. “ _Teachers have told me that if I keep my marks as high as they are, I’ll probably be accepted here!_ ”

“That sounds great.” Dean says pretending a happy voice. He is happy about his brother, he truly is, but Dean isn’t ready to let him go yet. He has been conscious about this, about Sam leaving, about Sam getting his own life; but Dean tries to avoid that thought. He will cross that bridge when he gets there.

“ _Yeah, right?_ ” He chuckles. “ _I’ve been checking out some places near the university where I could live and they are really nice and not too expensive._ ”

Wow. He is already thinking about moving there when he gets accepted. This is going too fast for Dean and he doesn’t like it. He should be happy about his brother, about achieving all those things, but he is sad. He feels like the worst brother ever. “Awesome.” Dean says a bit distant.

“ _Are you okay?_ ” Sam asks worried.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” Dean lies. He can’t tell the truth to his brother. Sam deserves to go to Stanford. He hasn’t lived a proper childhood, although his was better than Dean’s, which was almost nonexistent. Sam deserves everything; Dean has worked to get him into a bright future, but knowing that Sam will be so far, it hurts a lot Dean. “I had to stay in the university for longer to make a project.” He keeps lying.

“ _Then, it is time for you to go to bed and sleep._ ” He says bossily.

“I’m the big brother, I’m the one gives the orders.” He snaps a bit annoyed.

Sam chuckles. “ _But sometimes, I’m the only one who takes care of you. You don’t ever take care of yourself, Dean!_ ”

“Shut up bitch.”

“ _Jerk._ ”

Dean rolls his eyes and he chuckles. “Anyway, I’m gonna hang up and I’m gonna watch some TV, I’ll go to bed in an hour or so, I’m not sleepy yet.” He says looking at the remote as if he was going to find something interesting in there. “When do you come back?”

“ _I guess that I’ll be home by Friday evening. Or before._ ”

“Okay. Goodnight Sammy.” Dean says tiredly.

“ _Goodnight Dean._ ” And he hangs up.

Dean hangs up his phone and he saves it in his jeans’ pocket. He takes a deep breath and he rubs his eyes with his hands. He looks at the ceiling, trying to push away the idea of Sam leaving to Stanford next year, when summer is almost ending. That time will arrive sooner than Dean expects. It is the middle of October and there are like eleven months left until Sam leaves, but that day will come really soon and Dean isn’t ready for that. He won’t be ready ever.

He unmutes the TV, trying to find something that makes him forget that conversation, but TV’s schedule sucks on Wednesdays. He could read, but his sight is a bit tired tonight and he isn’t in the mood of reading, not even Vonnegut. He needs something that takes away any of those crappy thoughts of his head.

After some minutes and some boring zapping, someone knocks at the door. Dean frowns confused and he switches off the TV. Who the hell is knocking at ten p.m. to his house? The knocks keep, so Dean stands up and he walks towards the door and he opens it, not expecting the person behind it.

Dean feels a sudden fury when he sees John Winchester, standing in the porch, with his eyes painted in a red glassy tune, with a bottle of whiskey in his hand and reeling a little because he is drunk; like always. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Dean asks really furious.

John grimaces and he looks at Dean with sickening eyes. “That’s the way to talk to your father?” John asks. Dean can smell the overwhelming stink of the booze in his father’s breath.

Dean chuckles sarcastically. “How do you expect me to talk to you? With respect?” He huffs another sarcastic chuckle. “You lost any respect years ago.” 

John groans and he attempts to get into the house but Dean stands in front of the door, avoiding his father to come in. “Let me in, son.”

“No.” He says strongly. There was a time when Dean used to be afraid of his father, afraid of facing him. Dean was like John’s little soldier, but he stopped being that a long time ago, when he found the strengths to nut up and tell his father all the things he should have told him a long time ago. It wasn’t easy, and if it wasn’t for Sam, Dean would have to go to the hospital that night. But that was a long time ago. Now, Dean isn’t scared at all. He is used to his father’s bad temper and he has being fucked by some twisted guys. Dean has been through a lot of crap and he is still there, standing, because he knows he can get through this.

“This is my house.” John snaps. His patience is exhausting; Dean can see it on the drunken eyes.

“This hasn’t been your house ever. It is Sam’s and mine and you know it.”

“Son, if you don’t let me in—”

“What the fuck do you want?” Dean asks irritated and angry. He even clenches his jaw as he asks. He just wants his father to go away from his home. It isn’t John’s home, it never was. It is Dean’s and Sam’s. “Why the fuck are you here?”

“Don’t use that voice on me, kid.”

“Or what?” Dean says angrily, even a bit cocky. “What are you going to do?” He can see the anger increasing in his father’s eyes. “You are gonna hit me? You are gonna yell at me? Why are you here? Do you need to beat someone to let out that frustration of your fucking life?”

“Dean, I’m warning you.” John says angrily but without raising his voice.

“Why did you come here?”

“To see my sons.” He answers furious.

“Yeah, right. Because you care about us. Sure.” Dean says with an angry pout. John gives him his coldest and deadliest glare, but Dean is too used to that sharp and cold stare. “You just appear whenever the fuck you want, you just disappear and we don’t hear a word about you. Meanwhile, Sammy and I have to keep on working with our lives because our father is somewhere, gaining money so he can get drunk and lose it gambling. Meanwhile, we have to keep a roof above us with hard work because you don’t want to do that. Yeah, you came here to see us, because you have always cared about us too much. You are the best dad on the world.”

John groans loudly and he smashes the bottle of whiskey on Dean, on his temple. Dean feels his skin tearing up and how some pieces of crystal get stuck in his skin. There’s blood falling down with some whiskey and it smarts and hurts.

“You are a crap of a son! Did you hear me?! A crap of a son!” John yells extremely angry. Like always, his hated words about Dean come out easily, as if John had said them in his mind over and over again. Dean is used to those words, but they still hurt. “I’m ashamed of you Dean! You are the worst son ever!”

Despite of feeling quite bad, Dean manages to push his father away. “Get out!” Dean yells painfully. John looks at him with a frown and with his eyes almost to set on fire. “GET OUT!” Dean yells louder, his voice scratching roughly his throat, and pushing his father away again. John grunts and he gets into his car and he leaves. Dean watches how his father’s car drives away and when he can’t see it anymore, he touches his forehead and he cuts his fingers with some of the crystal pieces of the bottle. “Fuck.” He says. He needs to be healed. He walks as fast as he can towards the house, trying not to overbalance and he grabs his keys.

Dean gets in the Impala. He isn’t going to Bobby’s house because he knows Bobby, he will go after his father and Dean doesn’t want to find his dad again tonight and much less to get Bobby involved into this. He isn’t going to see Charlie because she will freak out a little. Sam is too far away. And Dean doesn’t want to go to a hospital right now, because it is quite far, so he drives to Cas’ apartment.

This is insane. Dean knows it. He is going to pop up in Cas’ apartment, bleeding, asking for his help. But Dean doesn’t have anywhere else to go, and Cas is a doctor, well, a neurosurgeon, but Dean knows he can heal him. And he needs to be with Cas, because he feels good and safe with him, a right now, that’s all Dean wants; to feel good.

Dean is reeling a little as he walks towards the elevator. The wound hurts like a bitch. He even feels dizzier with the elevator’s movement. He closes his eyes strongly, feeling the smell of whiskey and blood, being stronger in his nose as time passes. He opens his eyes when he hears the soft ding that indicates the elevator has stopped in a floor.

Dean walks towards Cas’ door and he rings the bell. The door is opened really soon and Dean sees that Cas is wearing his worn t-shirt and his sweatpants. Cas makes a shocked face when he sees Dean bleeding.

“I didn’t know where else I could go.” Dean says desperate and apologetic.

“Dean, what happened? Oh shit, come here.” Castiel says grabbing his hand. It feels really warm and heartwarming on Dean’s. Castiel walks them to the bathroom, everything Dean sees during that small walk is blurry. Cas sits Dean on the border of the bathtub as he starts to look into the drawers for something once they are in the bathroom.

“Sorry, Cas, I shouldn’t have come here—” Dean starts to say ashamed.

“Don’t say that.” Cas says with a serious gaze. “You are hurt. You shouldn’t be apologizing.” He grabs some metallic tweezers and he sits on the border of the bathtub, facing Dean.

“I’m disturbing you.” Dean says apologetic and avoiding the blue eyes.

“Don’t be stupid. You are hurt and I’m going to heal you.” He says annoyed. “There’s nothing to apologize for.” With the tweezers he starts to remove the pieces of crystal stuck on Dean’s wound. Castiel throws the first one inside the bathtub. It is all covered with blood. “What happened?” He asks without taking his eyes of the wound.

“My father came and he smashed on me his whiskey bottle.” Dean explains looking at Cas, whose eyes move to meet Dean’s; they are shocked and even a bit angry. Dean grunts when he feels the tweezers getting a bit deeper and he closes his eyes.

“Why did he do that?” Cas asks frowning. Dean takes a deep breath and he licks his lips nervously; he also moves his eyes away from Cas’. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it is okay Dean. It’s just that I’m worried.” He says sweetly. There’s the sound of another small piece of crystal hitting the bottom of the bathtub.

“I owe you an explanation after coming here without calling you before.” Dean says sighing. “I’ve talked to you about my father before, that he is an alcoholic and a gambling man, that since my mother died, he hasn’t been the same, and practically I was the one who raised Sammy and that Bobby has been more than a father than our actual father.”

“Yes, you’ve told me.” Castiel says nodding.

“He disappears and sometimes he comes back to see Sam and me. And he is always drunk and requiring to get into the house, because he says it’s his, but it’s Sam’s and mine. He only comes to beat me or to yell at Sam.” He inhales sharply, making a small pause. “I told him some things, like how he spend all his life away from us, without caring about us and he couldn’t just disappear for months and come back all drunk like that. He got angry and he smashed the bottle on me and he told me that I was the worst son ever.”

Castiel exhales in a huffy way. “What a dick.”

“Tell me about it.” He says exhausted. He looks at his fists. He didn’t realize he was fisting his jeans.

“What about Sam? Where is he?” He asks worried.

Dean smiles. Cas doesn’t know Sam and he worries about him too; Cas is such a sweetheart. “He is in California. He is on a trip with his high school to see Stanford.”

“Good.” He says relieved. After a while, he says. “Okay, lean your head over. I’m going to wash the wound.”

Dean does it. Then, Castiel grabs the shower and when water appears, he lets the hot water fall down on Dean’s face, cleaning the wound from blood and whiskey. The falling water runs towards the sink, all dyed in red because of Dean’s bleeding wound. It feels awesome. Dean feels how the water cleans the wound and how the warm water relaxes him, fading his pain away a little.

The water stops falling and Dean opens his eyes. Castiel cups his face and he moves him to where he was before. Their eyes meet and Dean can see how worried Cas is about him. Castiel moves his thumbs on Dean’s cheeks in a soothing way and Dean makes a tiny timid smile.

“You don’t need to be sewed, but I’m going to stitch the wound with this.” He says showing what it seems like to be some kind of weird stickers in a shape of black dots. “They will close the wound and they will prevent any infection.” He starts to say as he puts them on Dean’s wound.

“Thank you for all of this, Cas.” Dean thanks a bit ashamed. “And once again—”

“If you start to apologize again, I’m kicking your ass.” He warns with a serious glare. “You were hurt, Dean. You needed my help. You know I would do anything to help you, Dean.”

Dean blushes a little. “I know, but—” He takes a deep breath. “I’m your whore, and whores aren’t supposed to come bleeding to a client’s house asking for help.”

“Dean, I care about you. You care about me. Forget about what we are. Yes, I’m paying you to have sex with me, both are acknowledged about that.” He starts to say with an extremely serious voice. “But the rest of the time, if you need something from me, you tell me and I’ll do it. And I know that if I asked you something that wasn’t about our sexual agreement, you will do it. So please, stop feeling guilty for coming here asking for my help.” And he gives a serious and intense glare to Dean. “It’s a pleasure for me to help you.” Now he sounds sweeter.

Dean looks at him perplexed. Cas is right; Dean would help Cas if he needed it. He would do it without thinking it twice. “Okay.” Dean says. “It’s just that I don’t know, it is new for me all of this and weird.”

“I know. But you have to know that, Dean. I care about you. You are a great person, and if something bad happens to you, I’m going to help you as much as I can.”

Dean makes an honest and pretty smile. He knows that Cas means all of that. There’s a warm feeling spreading over Dean’s chest. “You are fucking great, Cas.”

“Shut up, I’m not.” Cas says blushing and making a shy grimace.

Dean chuckles. “Yes, you are. And I care about you too.”

Castiel looks at him and he smiles. There’s some light flush trying to make its way into his cheeks. He kisses Dean’s forehead and Dean blushes a little. Cas stands up and gathers everything up, saving all his things in the drawers. “Do you want a cup of hot chocolate?” He asks.

“I’d love that.” He says. He needs to sit down with Cas and drink something warm and just be with Cas. Dean doesn’t know why, but when he comes to Cas’ apartment, he feels good. He forgets the rest of the world, nothing else matters, he feels how all the weight he has to carry with him upon his shoulders disappears when he gets through the door.

They go to the kitchen and Dean sits on one of those tall chairs Cas has while Cas starts to make hot chocolate. “How are you feeling?” Cas asks. His voice isn’t as worried as before, but there’s still some concern on it.

“Better. I was dizzy and it hurt like a bitch. It smarts now, but it’s only that.” Dean explains as he looks at the kitchen. He hasn’t paid too much attention to it before, mostly because he is always in the living room or in the bedroom.

“And psychologically?” He asks with a cautious voice.

Dean rubs his face and he sighs. “I’m used to this.”

“You haven’t answered my question.” Castiel presses the microwave button and he looks at Dean with his serious face.

“Do we have to talk about this?”

“No, of course not.” He says sweetly. He places his hand on Dean’s shoulder and he squeezes it. “I know you aren’t a big fan of talking.”

“No, I’m not.” Dean says with a strange chuckle. The microwave sounds and Castiel gets out the two cups of hot chocolate. He sits next to Dean and he hands him the cup. Dean closes his eyes and he lets the wonderful smell to take over his nose. He takes a sip and he smiles. “It’s good.”

“Yeah? It is the few things I know how to cook. Microwave saves my life.” He says with a grimace and he arches his brows. Dean smiles and he takes another sip. “Can I ask you why you came here and you didn’t go to the hospital?”

“I didn’t want to go to the hospital. I needed to go somewhere where I feel good, y’know?” He places his hands around the cup, letting them warm up slightly. “Sammy isn’t here. Charlie would have freaked out and Bobby would have gone after my father. I didn’t need any of that.”

Castiel nods and he takes another sip. “My house is always opened for you, Dean. Whenever you need it.”

“Thanks, Cas.” He says with a warm smile.

Dean takes a deep breath and he lets his eyes sink in the chocolate. He remembers what his father said, that he was the worst son in the world. What would John think if he found out Dean’s real job? He would hate him even more. But Dean shouldn’t care about that man’s opinion. John is the one who has forced Dean to go in this direction; he forced Dean to grow faster than anyone and to start with responsibilities because John didn’t want to do anything for his kids. And yet, everything that John says to Dean, hurts him. Dean tries to ignore it, but those words always get stuck really deep in him.

“What is it, Dean?” Cas asks worried and sweetly.

Dean doesn’t take his eyes from the chocolate. “I was thinking about what my father told me. That I was the worst son in the world.” He answers calmly.

“You aren’t the worst son in the world. Many parents would love to have a son like you.” Castiel says firmly. There’s strength in his voice and in his words.

“Yeah, sure…” Dean says still looking down.

Dean feels Cas’ hands cupping his face and lifting it up, so their eyes can meet. “You are great, Dean. As you would say, you are fucking great. You are a beloved friend, son and brother. You give more than you should, without asking anything in return. You are awesome.”

“Cas—” He starts to say. But Cas shushes him with a frown. Why is Cas telling him all of this? They don’t know each other as good as if they were friends, and still, Cas truly believes all he is saying. There isn’t pity on Cas’ voice, there is conviction and Dean doesn’t know why.

“Don’t go saying that’s bullshit or something like that.” He says arching a brow. Dean was definitely going to say that Cas was saying bullshit. “I know that you are great. I will stop believing that when you give me a reason for that. Although I think you won’t.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “You are insane.”

“And you are it too.”

“Yeah, a bit.” Dean chuckles. “Thanks a lot.” He takes the last sip of chocolate and he looks at his watch. “I should better go.”

“You should stay here.” Cas says. Dean frowns confused. “I’m not letting you go home while you are still hurt. I don’t want you to pass out while you are driving and having a car accident.” He grabs his cup and Dean’s and he leaves them on the sink.

“Cas, I’m fine.” He says careless. He can go home without any problem.

Castiel gives him his sassiest look. “Who’s the doctor here?”

“Actually you are a neurosurgeon.” Dean sasses too.

Castiel grimaces. “Dean, you aren’t in the proper conditions of driving. I don’t want to take any risks. Please.” He sounds a bit afraid and needy. “Just sleep here. You need to rest.”

Dean sighs. Cas is really stubborn. If he wants Dean to stay at his place, he will do anything to make Dean stay. “Okay.” Dean says standing up. “I’ll sleep on your couch.”

“On my couch?” Castiel asks sassier than ever. Dean frowns confused. “You are sleeping in my bed, with me. I’m not going to let you sleep on my couch. My bed is big enough for the both of us.”

“You know you have another room with another bed, right?” He remembers.

“You are sleeping with me in my bed.”

Dean opens his eyes widely. Sleeping with Cas in the same bed? He hasn’t slept in the same bed with anyone for years; it would be a bit weird to do that. Dean has been considering sleeping in the same bed as Cas when they have just had sex, but not in this situation. “Cas, it’s your bed—” He starts to say.

Castiel makes an irritated sound. “Dean, don’t be stupid, the bed is big enough for both of us.”

“Wouldn’t it be weird?” Dean finally says with an obvious sight.

Castiel arches a brow. “We have done worst things on my bed, Dean.”

Dean laughs. “Yeah, that’s true.” He recognizes. He sees that Cas is smiling in that pretty way of his.

“If we sleep in the same bed and you are feeling bad, it would be easier for you to call me if we are in the same bed, don’t you think?” Castiel remarks.

“You are gonna make me sleep in your bed with you one way or another, don’t you?” He says in a teasing voice.

“I can tie you with a rope and bring you to the bedroom as if I were a cowboy.” He says with a teasing voice.

“You are tempting me to make you do that.” He pouts happily.

Castiel bites his lower lip and he rolls his eyes. “Come on, Dean.” He grabs Dean’s arm and they walk towards Cas’ bedroom. “It’s late and both of us have to wake up early tomorrow.”

“Are you always this bossy or it is only with me?” Dean asks with an extremely teasing voice.

“It’s only with you.” Cas confesses making a funny grimace. Dean can’t help smiling widely. “And you are always this teasing or it is only with me?”

“I’m teasing everyone all the time. But I try to tease you more.” He admits. He likes teasing Cas. When Dean is working for him and he teases Cas, Cas usually makes a sassy comment, the rest of the time, Cas tends to blush or to smile timidly. Anyway, Dean likes both of them. “You are cute when you blush.”

Castiel blushes quite much and he glares sweetly Dean. “Do you like making me blush?”

“A little.” Dean confesses with a charming smile.

Castiel rolls his eyes and he opens the bedroom door. They get into the bedroom and Dean starts to take off his boots. “If you want to, I can lend you some pyjama’s pants.” He says looking into his wardrobe.

“Yeah, thanks.” Dean says. He would rather not sleep on his jeans. He keeps taking off his jeans, his jacket and his shirt, wearing only his underwear and t-shirt. Cas hands him the sweatpants and Dean puts them on. He leaves his mobile phone of the bedside table while Cas gets in the bed. “Are you sure that you—?” Dean starts to ask.

“Dean, get in the damn bed.” Castiel grunts irritated.

Dean turns off the lights and he gets in the bed. “You have a bit of bad temper.” He murmurs.

Castiel chuckles. “That’s because I have already told you this is okay, that I don’t mind and you seem to ignore what I said.” He takes a deep breath and Dean hears how Cas pulls up the sheets. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Goodnight Cas. And thanks.” Dean says turning his face to see Cas, although he can’t barely see him in the dark.

Dean thinks that Cas might be smiling, but he can’t tell for sure. “You are welcome.”

 

***

 

Castiel wakes up with an unfamiliar music sound. The song is _Carry On My Wayward Son_. Castiel opens his eyes and he sees Dean grabbing his mobile phone and turning the alarm off.

“Shit.” Dean says standing up really quick. Castiel looks at his alarm clock. It is six thirty a.m. Usually, he wakes up thirty minutes later, but Dean seems to wake up earlier than him. When he turns his face to see Dean, he is grabbing his clothes from the chair he left them on last night. “Cas, can I take a shower in your bathroom? I mean, if it’s okay and if I’m not interrupting your schedule.”

Castiel is still sleepy, waking up thirty minutes than usually is a bit hard for him. “Go ahead.” Castiel mumbles sleepy.

“Thanks.” And Dean leaves the bedroom running.

Dean is quite strange. When he is working for Cas, he is so extrovert, but when he isn’t being Cas’ prostitute, Dean is kind of shy, not too much, but he isn’t as extrovert as Cas has seen on their Friday’s and Saturday’s nights. It must be because Dean hasn’t had a relationship with a client like the one he has with Castiel. Truth be told, Castiel finds it weird too; he wasn’t expecting to develop this sort of thing he and Dean have. He likes Dean, he cares about Dean, because he is a great guy and he is really nice. There’s something different about Dean that Cas likes quite much. He thought that Dean was going to be like any other prostitute, but he wasn’t. And Cas is quite happy about that. He likes this nameless thing he and Dean have.

He doesn’t know a lot about Dean; just the few things Dean has told him, just like Dean doesn’t know a lot about Castiel either; but somehow, they have gained trust between each other and they feel quite comfortable around each other. Definitely, Cas likes Dean, and he is really glad that he found him.

Castiel decides to get up and make his bed while Dean is in the shower. He prepares his clothes, like he always does when he has to work. When he is grabbing his shoes, Dean knocks the bedroom door, without opening it.

“I just finished in the bathroom!” Dean announces.

“Okay!” Castiel says.

Castiel goes towards the bathroom and he takes his usual morning shower. As he takes his shower, Castiel thinks about how strange but nice it was to wake up with Dean in his bed. Castiel isn’t sure if he has slept in the same bed as someone before. Dean isn’t the first prostitute he has hired, and no one of them slept with him in the same bed. They always left.

Castiel isn’t really self-secure about himself when it comes with sex and much less with relationships. After having a family who doesn’t accept his sexuality –except Anna– and a family who made him feel ashamed about his sexuality, Castiel has find it really hard to be confident with himself. That’s why he has always hired prostitutes, because he controlled the situation and there weren’t any complications; both of them knew what the deal was and it eased things for Castiel a lot. He always feels as if he wasn’t ready to be with someone or to go to a bar a hook up with someone, it makes him feel anxious, and prostitutes don’t make him feel that suffocating feeling.

But all of the prostitutes Castiel has been with were just one night stands, there wasn’t anything like what he has with Dean, and of course, no one of them were like Dean. He hired Dean and decided to have this agreement in order to take another step, so it could help Castiel to feel better, and for now it is working better than he expected. He doesn’t feel that pressure and he really likes being with Dean, and not only for the awesome sex they have; Dean is charming, nice, funny, cocky and he makes Cas smile. Castiel enjoys a lot his time with Dean. He feels comfortable and confident.

He finishes his shower and he gets into his bedroom to get dressed. He puts on his suit, with his white shirt and his blue tie. He ties his shoes and he walks out of his bedroom towards the kitchen. He is really surprised when he sees Dean putting some pancakes on the two plates.

“Dean, what’s this?” Castiel asks confused. He knows what it is, it is breakfast, but he wasn’t expecting Dean to make him breakfast.

Dean smirks and then, he moves his eyes to see Cas. His eyes go wide and he even blushes a little. “Wow.” Dean simply says.

“Wow?” He frowns confused and he tilts his head.

“Yeah, wow.” He says moving his hands to point Castiel. “You are gorgeous.” He says with that cute charming smile.

Castiel can’t help smiling. He looks at his suit and he touches a bit nervously his tie. “Thanks.” He says shyly. Why is he this shy when Dean compliments him like that? It only happens when both of them are dressed. When they are naked they don’t blush about anything, why does he blush the rest of the time?

“I made you breakfast.” Dean says moving the frying pan to the sink. “Just to thank you for healing me and letting me sleep here. I needed to be far from there, y’know?” He sounds quite weak and small. Dean doesn’t sound like that except when he mentions his father.

“Dean, you didn’t have to—”

“Hey.” Dean interrupts with both brows raised. “You quarreled me last night for saying you didn’t have to do any of that. Say a word about I didn’t have to make you breakfast and I’ll kick your ass.”

Castiel chuckles and he sits down on the chair. “Okay. I don’t want to start my morning with you kicking my ass.” He says. Dean laughs and he starts to eat. Castiel really loves Dean’s laugh; it is so happy and bright.

Castiel sees that there’s also coffee and bacon. Dean thought about all of that. Usually, Castiel only takes some coffee and he prepares some toasts. He sucks in the kitchen. Most of the time, he eats from pre-cooked food or salads; nothing that involves too much work in the kitchen.

When he tastes the pancake, he makes a surprised face, which Dean notices and he makes a tiny proud smile. The pancakes are delicious. “Dean, this is extremely delicious.” Castiel says really satisfied.

“Yeah?” Dean says smiling and blushing a little.

“Yeah. Wow.” He says impressed. He wasn’t expecting Dean to cook this good. Castiel even moans a little and Dean arches one of his brows. Castiel’s cheeks flush a little, and Cas can feel the heat slowly spreading through his face. “Sorry.” He apologizes a bit ashamed. “This tastes wonderful. It’s been years since I ate pancakes for breakfast and I can tell you they weren’t as good as these.”

“What do you usually have for breakfast?” He says concerned and shocked.

“Coffee and some toasts. Maybe on weekends I eat that with a piece of fruit.” He answers. He sees that Dean is looking at him shocked. “I’m a terrible mess at the kitchen.” He tastes the bacon and he makes a satisfied sound that this time doesn’t sound like a moan. “Seriously, you cook really good.”

“There’s no mystery on bacon, you just fry it and it’s done.” He says shrugging.

“Trust me, if I cooked you bacon, you would spit it out.”

Dean laughs hysterically and Castiel loves how that sound fills the kitchen. “It can’t be that bad, Cas.” He says in between laughs.  
“You really don’t want to taste anything I cooked.” He warns and Dean makes a sweet smile. He isn’t exaggerating; he sucks at cooking. He can make the basic things, pasta, salads, anything that involves the microwave, but that’s all.

Dean checks out his phone and he makes a shocked face. “Fuck!” He says and he starts to eat faster.

Castiel looks at him wide his eyes wide opened. “Dean, you are going to choke.”

“No.” Dean says with his mouth full of food. Castiel doesn’t know how Dean is able to even speak right now. His cheeks look as if he had two tennis balls in his mouth. Dean swallows and he stands up and then, he drinks all his coffee in one sip. “Fuck, I have to wash the pan and the cups—”

“Dean, I can put them in the dishwasher. Can you please calm down?” He says worried. He knows that Dean is quite hyperactive, but right now, he looks as if he drank millions of cups of coffee.

“I can’t Cas. I have to go back home, pick my books and go to university.” He says really rushed.

“Okay, then go before you have a heart attack.” He says sassy.

Dean glares him and he quickly makes a ball out of a napkin and he throws it a Cas, who glares him angrily. Dean laughs. “You are cute when you get mad.”

Castiel tries so hard not to blush right now, but it is a failed attempt. “You are going to be late.” He reminds him as he takes a sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, right.” He says running towards the door. “Thanks for everything, Cas!” He yells rushed. Cas doesn’t know how he understood what Dean just said.

“Thanks for the breakfast!” He yells happily.

Castiel hears the door closing and he smiles. Dean is one of a kind. But he likes him a lot. He is different. There’s something about him that Cas adores. He picks the napkin Dean threw at him and Castiel makes a happy smile. There’s no one like Dean.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :)

When Sam found out about the encounter in between Dean and his father, he didn’t take it so well. Dean knows that he should have called him or something, but Dean wasn’t in the mood of talking about his father. It’s been more than a week and Sam seems to be still a bit pissed off with Dean.

Dean sits down on the couch next to Sam. It is Saturday afternoon and Dean still has a couple of hours left until he has to go to Cas’ apartment. Sam is aware that his brother just sat down, but he doesn’t seem to care.

Dean takes a deep breath and he grabs the remote to turn the TV off. “Can you please tell me why you are still pissed at me?” Dean calls for.

Sam does that movement with his jaw he always does when he is angry. “You should have told me before instead of waiting ‘til I was home on Friday.” Sam says annoyed.

Dean exhales in an irritated way. “And then? What would you have done? You were in that trip in Stanford, you couldn’t do anything!”

“It’s not about doing anything, Dean! It’s about knowing that my father beat my brother again! I deserved to know!”

“I know, Sam.” Dean sighs. “But I didn’t want to screw up your trip.” He starts to say looking down. He didn’t want to upset Sam. Dean was okay thanks to Cas, so Dean didn’t want to worry his little brother with his father and all his crap. “You sounded fucking happy and I didn’t want to screw your day there.”

Sam takes a deep breath. “Dean— Next time, tell me, please. It doesn’t matter where I am. If something like this happens again, tell me, because I’m your brother and I’m his son. I’m as much part of this as you two.” He gives him a warning but gentle sight.

“I will. I promise.” He says nodding. Sam nods as well.

Then, they keep watching the TV until Dean has to stand up and prepare dinner. Dean starts to fry some fish sticks and he prepares a salad. When he doesn’t have to work, he likes to make more elaborated dinners, because he has more time. But on Fridays and Saturdays, Dean usually cooks easy and quick things. The rest of the week, he prepares better dinners, and even on Sunday’s afternoons, if he doesn’t have a lot of homework or plans with Sam or Charlie, Dean usually bakes a pie. He likes cooking. He was forced to learn how to cook when he was four. After so many years cooking, Dean has gained experience and he can say that he cooks pretty well. He likes seeing how happy people are when they eat his food.

Dean can’t help smiling at the thought of last week, when he made breakfast for Cas and he loved it. Dean remembers how happy Cas was, he even moaned a little. He was adorable and so full of joy with every single bite he took of the breakfast Dean made.

When dinner is done, Sam and Dean sit down on the kitchen chair and they start to eat. When they are done, Sam is the one who washes the dishes while Dean brushes his teeth. He gets out of the bathroom and he says goodbye to Sam before he walks towards the Impala to drive to Cas’ apartment.

Dean knows perfectly the route, he could almost drive it blindfolded. He gets into the elevator, like every single night he has to work, and he rings the doorbell when he is standing in front of the door. Like every Saturday, Cas is wearing his casual look, a t-shirt and sweatpants. And as always, Cas dedicates him that pretty sweet smile of his when he opens the door and sees Dean.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel greets happily.

“Hey Cas.” Dean says getting in.

“Before you start stripping.” Castiel starts to say as he closes the door. “I would like to check out your wound.”

“Oh, okay, thanks.” Dean says. His wound doesn’t smart anymore, but Dean is still wearing those things Cas put on his wound as stitching.

Castiel starts to walk towards the bathroom and Dean follows him. Cas indicates him to sit on the border of the bathtub and Dean does it. Cas sits next to him, facing Dean and he starts to remove the stitch. “Okay, it seems that you cicatrized perfectly.” He murmurs.

“Well, I had a great doctor.” Dean says sweetly but with a bit teasing tone in his voice.

Castiel squeezes his mouth and he gives Dean a sweet look. “Assbutt.” He says rolling his eyes and smiling.

“Assbutt?” Dean frowns confused. He has heard and said a lot of swears, but never the word assbutt.

“Yes, assbutt.” He says with his smile growing wider. “I sometimes say it. I don’t like swearing a lot.”

Dean does his bitch face. “And what about all the times you have said _‘fuck’_ or _‘cock’_ or things like that in front of me?” He arches his brow as much as he can, to intensify his bitch face.

“That’s an exception.” He says timidly and blushing a little.

Dean makes a wide smile. Cas is adorable when he is like that. How is it that he has to hire a whore? If Dean would have met Cas without being a whore, Dean is pretty sure that he would have asked him out for something. Cas is smart, cute, nice and he is gorgeous. Definitely, he is a great catch, then, why did he hire Dean? Someone like Cas should have a lot of dates and things like that, but instead, he spends his weekends’ nights with Dean.

Dean would like to know, but he isn’t going to ask something like that. That’s complicated and he is sure that Cas doesn’t like talking about it. Dean has to respect that. No one likes to be asked about why they are hiring a whore. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t the nicest guy in the universe; that question is awkward and inappropriate.

“It is done.” Castiel says when he has removed the stiches from Dean’s temple and forehead. He cups Dean’s temples and he examines if everything is all right. “And you are as perfect as always.”

“Thanks Cas.” Dean says with a pretty smile.

Castiel returns that smile and he stirs Dean’s hair before he stands up. “Come on, Dean.” He says with that shy but enthusiastic smile on his lips. Dean stands up and he follows Cas to the living room. Castiel sits on the armrest and Dean starts to take off his boots and his socks. When he is about to take off his jacket, Castiel speaks. “May I be the one who takes your clothes off?”

“Always with the questions.” Dean says huffing. Castiel rolls his eyes. “Cas, just tell me, stop the questions and asking me for permission.”

Castiel stands up and he grabs the flaps of Dean’s jacket. “How many times do I have to tell you that it is important that both of us are comfortable with this?” He asks with a serious sight.

“Cas, I’m comfortable with you. Fuck, I’m so fucking comfortable with you.” Dean starts to say. “I have never felt this comfortable with someone ever.” Dean keeps saying. This thing he and Cas have is different and good. Dean hasn’t been like this as a whore ever. “You don’t have any idea of the different things I’ve been through.” Dean can see an inkling of pain and even fear on those sapphires Cas has for eyes. “Cas, I can do whatever you want me to do as long as I don’t get hurt. If you wanna strip me, strip me. If you wanna fuck me, fuck me. If you wanna tie me with your ties, tie me. If you want me to suck your dick, I’ll suck it. If I ever feel uncomfortable with something, I’ll tell you, okay?”

“Okay.” Cas says nodding. Then he kisses Dean. He starts to take off Dean’s jacket. “Can I ask you something a bit personal?”

“Yeah.”

Castiel’s eyes meet Dean’s. He throws the jacket at the armchair and he licks his lips before he speaks. “Do you like this thing we have?”

“Yeah, I do.” He says honestly. Dean knows he isn’t lying. He has always had to pretend that he enjoyed having sex with different strangers, but not with Cas. He likes having sex with him and he likes coming to Cas’ apartment.

“You do?” He sounds disbelief.

“I do.” Dean insists. “I like coming to your apartment and spend the night with you. I think it’s the first time that I truly enjoy my job.” He admits a bit shyly, Cas is about to say something, but Dean keeps speaking. “And no, I’m not telling you all of this because that’s what I’m supposed to say. I’m telling you the truth. I like working for you, Cas.”

Castiel makes a satisfied smile. “Good to know.” He takes off Dean’s shirt and then, the t-shirt. Castiel draws Dean into a kiss, a dirty one, as he runs his fingers through Dean’s short hair. “I know that you told me not to ask, but this time I’m asking because the last time you said I should be more cautious.” He whispers into Dean’s mouth and Dean kind of starts to get hard because of that. “But, can I make you hickeys tonight?”

“Yeah.” Dean says nodding. His other visible hickeys disappeared quite ago, so Cas can make several more. Dean won’t admit it, but he likes seeing on his body Cas’ marks, telling that Dean is Cas’ and no one else’s.

“Great.” Castiel says smiling and he places his mouth on Dean’s neck. He sucks, licks and drags his teeth along the sensitive skin of Dean’s neck.

“Cas—” Dean moans sweetly.

Castiel smiles and Dean can feel it on his skin. Dean loves that. Cas keeps leaving bruises on Dean’s neck as one of his hands starts to caress Dean’s right nipple, making soothing circles. Dean tilts his head, so Cas can have more room and Dean closes his eyes as Cas keeps working on his neck.

Finally, Castiel pulls his mouth away from Dean’s neck with a wet sound. He steals a brief kiss from Dean’s lips and he smiles. “I find your neck irresistible.” Castiel confesses biting his lower lip.

“I’ve noticed.”

Castiel chuckles and he keeps taking off the remaining clothes. He pulls down Dean’s jeans and then, his boxers. Castiel looks at Dean’s cock and he raises his eyebrows when he sees that Dean is half hard. Then, he smirks and looks at Dean. “Do you usually get hard this easy?” He teases.

Dean makes a teasing smile. “Only when I’m treated really good.”

Castiel makes a humming noise and he places his hands on Dean’s butt cheeks, drawing Dean closer. Dean gasps and Castiel bites his lower lip. Cas approaches Dean and they kiss in a dirty way, twirling their tongues together. Cas pushes his and Dean moans in the kiss in a satisfactory way. Cas presses his crotch against Dean’s, rocking his hips slightly, just enough to turn Dean on even more.

Dean really loves how Castiel kisses him. It is like fire, sending an itch to Dean’s limbs, making him to crave for more, to keep kissing Cas until there is no air left in his lungs. Dean loves how tender those lips are and how that tongue is fierce and passionate. Dean always moans when Cas kiss him like that.

“Let’s go to the bedroom.” Castiel says breathless.

Dean nods and he stares at Cas’ swollen lips. He decides to kiss him again and to place his hands on Castiel’s waist. Dean doesn’t do this, he always does what he is told, he barely initiates something, but fuck, he loves Cas’ mouth too much and he wants to taste it as much as he can. Cas has to hold himself on Dean’s blades, because Dean is being really fierce. Cas even moans really hard when Dean’s tongue goes further than usually and Dean feels Cas’ nails digging on his skin.

When Dean pulls away, Castiel looks at him impressed. “Kiss me again like that.” Castiel says needy. And Dean does it again, he kisses Cas until both of them are breathless. “You should let yourself go more often.” Castiel says panting.

“Is it okay?” Dean asks in a murmur.

“It’s more than okay.” He cups Dean’s face and he kisses him as if he hadn’t kissed Dean in years.

Dean presses his fingers tighter on Castiel, hoping that maybe they will leave some bruises, so Cas can have on his skin something that proves that he is Dean’s. Dean doesn’t know why he is being so possessive about Cas, why he is letting himself go. Cas is different, everything that involves Cas is different and Dean really likes it. He is enjoying his work for the first time since he started and he really likes Cas; he makes him want and need more and Dean can’t understand why, and he doesn’t care. It feels good and that’s what matters.

“Let’s go to the bedroom.” Castiel breathes out. He grabs Dean’s wrist and they walk towards the bedroom. Castiel closes the door and he goes towards one of his drawers and he picks one of his ties. He moves until he is facing Dean’s back and he ties Dean’s wrists. “It isn’t too tight, right?”

“It’s perfect, Cas.” Dean says.

Castiel moves until he is facing Dean and he kisses him in that spirited and breathtaking away. When they pull away, both of them breathe in a heavy way and Cas speaks. “Take my clothes off with your mouth”

Dean looks at him surprised and then he smiles. He leans to kiss Cas briefly. “Sure.” He smirks after the kiss.

It is a bit hard for Dean to take off Castiel’s t-shirt with his mouth, but after a few attempts, and little help of Cas, he finally manages to take off the freaking t-shirt. Then, Dean kneels and he grabs with his teeth the elastic off the sweatpants and he pulls them down. Castiel shakes them away. Dean looks up at Cas, who has that tiny cute smile. Dean smirks and he grips with his teeth the elastic band of the boxers and he pulls them down. Once again, Castiel shakes them away.

Dean seizes the occasion and he starts to kiss the inner of Castiel’s thighs. Cas moans and grips tightly Dean’s hair. Cas doesn’t say a word about stopping, so Dean keeps kissing that soft skin, being overwhelmed by that and by that sounds Cas is making.  
Dean’s mouth goes up and he sucks Castiel’s balls. Castiel moans louder and harder when Dean’s tongue traces the skin, making circles around Dean. He also digs his nails in Dean’s scalp and tilts his head down.

“Dean— Dean— So good— so— oh—!” Castiel moans. He moans again when Dean’s tongue reaches the skin behind his balls and Dean is more than glad to hear those noises. “Dean, let me take care of you.” Castiel gasps and pulling Dean away. Cas strokes his cheeks and then, he makes Dean to stand up. He pushes Dean down on the mattress and he leans over to kiss Dean in a spirited way. Dean isn’t sure how he is still breathing by the time Cas pulls away. “I’m going to open you up and then I’m going to fuck you. But you won’t be able to come until I tell you to, okay?”

“Okay.” Dean says.

Castiel kisses him again. Dean rocks his hips and Castiel smiles. “Dean, always so eager.” He kisses Dean again and he cups his face.

“Is it wrong that I’m eager?” Dean asks biting Cas’ lower lip. He kisses Cas just how they like and he feels that cocky smile forming on Cas’ lips.

“Not at all.” His kisses start to go down; now he is on Dean’s chin. “I really like that.”

Dean smiles. Cas’ kisses keep going down on his chest. Like always, Cas’ mouth lingers on Dean’s nipples, (Dean knows that Cas has a thing for his nipples and he really likes that) and he sucks them, bite them and lick them until they are really hard. Dean is so sensitive there, so his back arches a little and he moans Cas’ name several times.

Castiel is now on Dean’s waist and he starts to make hickeys there. Dean is sure that Cas loves to leave hickeys on his skin. There was one night where Cas left several hickeys on his thighs and Dean was about to come with just that, because damn it, Cas’ mouth is too good. Dean rocks his hips needy, but Cas keeps leaving a trace of hickeys from his waist to his hips. He does it on both sides.

When he seems to be done, he spreads Dean’s legs and he kneels. He looks at Dean’s hole and he circles it with one of his fingers. Dean tries to fuck into it, even if it is not inside him yet, but Cas pulls it away, smirking at Dean when he does that.

After some teasing, Cas finally decides to put on the condom and apply lube. The first finger comes in as easy as always and Dean fucks into it and even groans because he wants more, but tonight, Cas is going to tease him as much as he can; he really enjoys seeing Dean asking for more. The second finger gets inside Dean reluctantly and they barely touch Dean’s prostate.

“You are a fucking teaser.” Dean mutters.

“I am.” Castiel says with a charming teasing smile. His fingers touch Dean’s prostate and Dean moans really hard. “But I love seeing you like this. You know it.”

Castiel gets the third finger, and almost instantly, the fourth. Dean feels Cas’ fingers touching his sides and the fingertips graze his prostate. Dean tries to fuck into them, but Cas stops him. He starts to scissor them, opening Dean up more. He finally touches Dean’s prostate and he gets them out quickly.

Castiel pushes his cock inside Dean quickly and he starts to fuck him. It isn’t as hard as usually, but his thrusts are quick and steady and Dean can’t fight his moans. They rock their hips, finding the perfect rhythm. Dean can feel Cas’ panting and moans caressing his face. Dean tilts his head, pressing it on the pillow. Sometimes Cas kisses him, but it is briefly, because Dean pulls away to let out a loud moan with Cas’ name and a swear on it.

Dean’s wrists are still tied and he has his arms up, resting on the headboard. He clenches his fists and he moans and groans when Cas touches that wonderful spot. His whole body arches and his toes curl. His cock is twitching to come, but he has to hold on; Cas told him not to come unless Cas told him to.

But Cas is so fucking good and it sends Dean to the cliff of orgasm and it is so hard not to come right now. His cock is aching for that. Dean doesn’t know how he manages to speak, because Cas makes it so hard to talk when he is fucking in this way. “Cas, I need to come.” Dean says needy.

“Not yet, Dean, not yet.” Cas says pressing his forehead on Dean’s. Dean moans harder and he bites Castiel’s earlobe; he also clenches around Cas, which makes Cas to tremble. “Oh my—” He moans desperate. He digs his nails on Dean’s shoulder. “Just a bit more Dean, please. This is too good and you are so fucking good and beautiful.”

“Fuck—” Dean groans. His cock needs to come, he needs that relief, but Cas doesn’t allow him yet. “Cas—” He starts to say, but he can’t finish because Cas’ cock touches his prostate and it sends Dean to madness. “Cas—”

“A little bit more Dean.”

Dean nods and he clenches around Castiel’s cock again, more than usually and really tightly, which gives him the loudest moan he has heard from Cas and Dean is so proud of himself.

“Fuck, Dean—” Castiel moans. “You can come, babe, you can come.”

And Dean comes harder than usually. He clenches around Cas’ cock and he feels that Cas comes too. For a moment, Dean swears that neither of them is breathing. They feel boneless, weightless and they forget where they are. Their orgasms are loud and muffled. There’s an intense smell of sex in the air and Dean feels glorious.

After Castiel has gotten out of Dean and threw the condom away, he speaks. “That was extraordinary.”

“Yeah.” Dean says breathless. He doesn’t know if he is going to be able to move away from the bed; he is more exhausted than usually. He wouldn’t mind staying in Cas’ bed. Last time, and the only time, he slept in that bed with Cas, it was great. He slept better than ever and Cas was really warm. But he can’t, he has to go back home in a few minutes.

“Sorry for delaying you to come that much.” He sounds a bit ashamed.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.” Dean breathes out. “But I’m fucking exhausted, y’know?”

“I know. Me too.” He kisses Dean’s chest. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to move until tomorrow.” He chuckles.

“Me neither. And the door seems further than always.” He grunts.

Castiel laughs happily as his finger caresses gently one of Dean’s nipples. “You can sleep with me if you want to.” He offers with a sweet voice.

Dean would love to do that, but Sam must be waiting for him and he doesn’t want to worry him. “Tempting, but I have to go back home.” Dean says a bit sad. He would love to sleep with Cas, but Sam will worry and start to question things and Dean doesn’t want that. “Sam must be waiting me.”

“Okay then.” He says and Dean isn’t sure, but he sounds a bit disappointed. He moves away and he starts to search on his drawer for a wet wipe.

“Cas.” Dean starts to say. Castiel turns his face. “Can you untie me, please?”

“Damn it, I forgot it. Sorry.” He says untying Dean.

“Don’t worry, people tend to forget things after awesome sex.” He says with a proud pout.

“You are unbelievable.” He smiles. He unties Dean and then he wipes the come on both of them. When that’s done, Dean walks towards the living room to put his clothes on while Cas gets dressed in his bedroom. Like always, Cas comes to the living room to say goodbye to Dean. “Well, see you next week.” He says a bit sleepy.

“Yeah. Goodnight Cas.”

“Goodnight Dean.”

And Dean leaves the apartment. He regrets not staying in Cas’ bed and sleep with him. Maybe another day he would do that, but he will have to call Sam and he will have to make up a story or something. Although he knows that Sam will see the hickeys on his neck once he arrives home, but he can make something up from that. Right now he is too fucking tired to think about anything else, so he drives back home.

 

It’s Sunday afternoon and Dean is baking a pie. He hears the main door opening and he knows that Charlie has just arrived. The three of them are going to play some videogames, all provided by Charlie. She let the Winchesters brothers one of her consoles and gave them a few videogames, but when she comes over the house to play with them, she always brings her own videogames.

“Hello guys.” Charlie greets as she gets into the kitchen. Dean is peeling the apples while Sam is sitting on the chair.

“Hey Charlie.” The two brothers greet.

“Wait a second.” Charlie says approaching Dean, who turns to see her and he frowns. She makes a surprised face. “Who made you those hickeys?” She asks with a happy voice.

Holy shit, Charlie just got in the house and the first thing she saw was Dean’s hickeys. How the hell did she even realize? It hasn’t passed a minute and she has already seen them. Last night, it took longer for Sam to see them. “How the fuck did you see them so fucking fast?” Dean asks confused and getting back to peel the apples.

“How could I not see them?” She says shaking his arms excitedly. “They are pretty obvious.”

“You have a special vision or what?” Sam chuckles. “When he arrived last night I didn’t realize until we were about to go to bed.”

“Sam, you should pay more attention to your brother.” She says with her cute smile. Dean rolls his eyes. He really adores Charlie and his brother, but when they are together and they want to mess with Dean, they are the worst. “Well, you haven’t answered my question.” She starts to press her finger on Dean’s shoulder and Dean arches his eyebrow as he glares her. “Who is that mystery person that laves hickeys on my best friend?”

“He isn’t going to tell you.” Sam warms with a deep breath. “Not a name or anything. All I know it’s that he is the same guy that he spent the night with a few weeks ago.”

“Wait!” Charlie says shocked. “You’ve been with him before and you didn’t tell me?”

“I thought it was going to be a one night stand.” Dean says casually. It is definitely not a one night stand thing. It is more complicated than that. Dean knew that Sam and Charlie were going to ask him things like that, so he has prepared in his mind different answers depending of what they ask. He isn’t going to tell them about Cas, about his name, about his job or anything like that. It is supposed to be a guy that Dean sees in the bar he works at, that he is hot and when Dean’s turn finishes they have sex. But nothing else. The less they know about Cas, the best. It will be better for Dean to carry on with his lies.

Charlie makes a shocked noise and Sam chuckles. “I was surprised too when he told me that he was with a guy.” Sam confesses.

“What’s so weird about?”

“Dean, it has been years since you spend the night with someone.” Sam starts to say with an obvious voice. Dean can’t see him because he is showing his back to Sam. “And it is weirder to know that you have been with that guy twice.”

“Or more.” Charlie suggests.

“Why are you two so interested with my life and who I sleep with?” Dean asks a bit defensive. He understands that Sam and Charlie want to know, but why do they want to know everything? That’s why he usually lies about everything; it eases the things, he doesn’t have to give any kind of explanation, it is simpler.

“My life is boring, actually.” Charlie says with a pout. “And yours is getting interesting.” She adds. Dean chuckles and he shakes his head. “What’s his name?”

“I’m not telling you his name.”

“Does he have a diary or something?” Charlie asks to Sam. She tries to whisper as low as she can, but Dean can hear her still. “Maybe he has written his name and this mystery guy in a heart doodle.” When Dean hears that, he throws one of the cloths to Charlie’s face. “Hey!”

“Shut up or you won’t get any pie.” He warns.

“You are evil, you know? You can’t threaten me with that, it’s not fair! Your pies are wonderfully great.” She complains. Dean just makes an obvious look and Charlie puffs in an irritated way. “Fine.” And she walks towards the chair that it is next to Sam. “Has he threatened you with the same?”

“Yeah.” Sam says a bit pissed off. “And not only with pie. With any of the food he makes.” Dean can feel the glare his little brother is dedicating to him even if he can’t see it. “Why do you have to cook delicious things?”

Dean chuckles. “You could cook for yourself, y’know?”

“But it doesn’t taste as good as your food.”

“Can I make a last question about you and your mystery guy?” Charlie asks suddenly.

Dean turns over to face her. “What?” He says tiredly.

“Do you want to see him again?”

“Good question.” Sam says as puts his interested face.

Dean sees the two of them looking at him, as if he was a professor giving them the most important lesson or their lives. Seriously, what is wrong with them? Dean simply shrugs. “Yeah, why not?”

“You like him!” Sam says happily. Charlie makes a wide grin as she squeezes her eyes.

Yes, Dean likes Cas. He likes him more than he should as a whore. But it isn’t something that goes against the rules. There aren’t feelings involving, there’s just liking. He likes being with Cas and having sex with him. That’s all. Anyways, Dean blushes a little; he tries to fight it but he can’t. So he just rolls his eyes and shows his back to those gossip people he has for a brother and for a friend.

“You are not gonna taste the pie if you keep bringing up this topic.” Dean says a bit annoyed. He really doesn’t want to explain more. It’s his life and they should keep some limits.

“Jerk.” Sam says.

“Bitch.”

Luckily, they change their topic. They talk about their studies and they even discuss about Doctor Who and the new companion. Dean is grateful about that. But it doesn’t last long, because when Dean opens the cupboard to find the sugar, his t-shirt lifts up a little bit and Charlie lets out a shocked gasp.

“Oh my seven Gods!” Charlie exclaims and she stands up to pull Dean’s t-shirt up a little, showing all the hickeys that Cas left on his hips and on his waist.

“Charlie, for fuck’s sake!” Dean yells.

Charlie pulls away and she gives Dean an impressed look before she turns to dedicate Sam a chuckle. “Wow, he really, really likes you.” She says euphoric. Dean bites the inner of his cheeks and he starts to press his lips angrily. “He is blushing!” She says to Sam.

“Charlie, if I were you, I would stop.” Sam warns.

“Okay. Sorry Dean.” She says sweetly. Then, she approaches him and she presses a brief kiss on his cheek. “And congratulation on your great night.”

“I’m gonna fucking kill you, Charlie.” Dean says with a Batman voice. His voice is too deep and serious, just enough to intimidate his friend.

“Chill out, Batman.” She says pulling away. Then, she sits down again on the chair and Dean continues to make the pie. “What’s so bad about this?” She sounds insecure and shy, and Dean hates to hear her like that. He must admit that Charlie sometimes wants to know everything and she can push more than she should, but she never does it with bad intentions.

Dean sighs. “Nothing.” He says with a calm and even a bit sad voice. It’s complicated, he would like to say. Dean knows that if he was in that kind of relationship he is telling to Sam and Charlie that he has, that would lead to more questions, and if they got serious, Sam and Charlie would like to meet him. Dean’s life is a complete chaos based on lies and a hard life. “You are giving it a lot of importance.”

“That’s because it is unusual to see you with someone.” Sam starts to explain, Dean turns so he can see his little brother’s face. There’s sincerity on his eyes. “And you seem a bit happier than usually since you met that guy.” He clarifies and he shrugs. That’s true; Dean knows he has been happier since he started to work for Cas.

“Sam’s right.” Charlie agrees. “I mean, you are happy with us, but you are smiling more since you got that new turn, and it’s great you know?” She makes a warm smile and she looks down a bit shyly. Charlie is too cute when she is like that. “We kind of want to know what or who makes you that happy.”

Dean inhales sharply and he touches the back of his neck in a nervous way. “I hate you two.” He says sweetly and he sees Sam and Charlie smiling. He takes a deep breath. “If something more happens, I’ll tell you, okay?” He raises his eyebrows in a warning way. Charlie and Sam nod enthusiastically. “But, for now, stop with all that interrogatory, you know I’m not comfortable with talking about these things. He’s just a guy that I sometimes I have sex with, but that’s all.”

It’s not all, but his brother and Charlie seem to agree with that and they seem to believe him. That’s enough. He knows that they want to know, because, wow, Dean Winchester is seeing a guy and he is having sex with him, that’s new and weird for them. If they knew the truth, if they knew how many guys Dean has slept with, how many nameless strangers fucked him… But Cas isn’t a nameless stranger, he isn’t an ordinary client, Cas is— Cas is Cas. Dean can’t put a word to describe Cas, he is different, nice, smart, handsome, gentle, sometimes shy, playful, cute… He is definitely not another stranger who fucks Dean.

“Anyway,” Charlie starts to say, “We’re happy to know that nameless mystery guy makes you happy.”

“Cas.” Dean says with a sweet shy smile. “His name is Cas.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy and thankful for all the people who reads, leaves kudos, a comment, makes a bookmark or subscribes, thanks a lot.

“Hey Cassie!” Balthazar greets sits in front of Castiel, who is having lunch at the hospital’s cafeteria.

“Don’t call me, Cassie, I hate it.” Castiel says annoyed. He really hates when his colleague uses that pet name. Balthazar knows it, but Castiel knows that he likes to tease him. Usually, Castiel tries to ignore him, but today has been a hard day, and it is only lunch time. He had to be in the urgencies area, and that places is really stressful.

“C’mon, you kind of like it.” Balthazar says rising his eyebrows several times in a teasing way. Castiel simply glares him. “It’s been a long time since I saw you and we work in the same freaking hospital.”

“I’ve been busy. Operations, teaching the new students, correcting exams, being doctor on call…” He explains. Being a neurosurgeon means that Castiel doesn’t have to operate every single day, his area is very specific, but sometimes, apart from teaching the students from the university that come to the hospital to learn, he is sometimes call to any other operation or anything else. And sometimes it is a bit stressful.

“Oh, by the way, I heard that the man you operated yesterday from a tumor is doing great. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” He says. The man woke up perfectly and after some tests, Castiel checked that everything was doing fine. In a few days, the man will be discharged.

“Have you got any plans for today?” Balthazar inquires with a naughty smile.

“No.” He lies. He has plans with Dean, but he is definitely not going to tell Balthazar about Dean. Cas isn’t ashamed about Dean and what they do, but people always tend to dramatize and be shocked. Castiel thinks that Balthazar won’t judge him, but Castiel would rather keep Dean for his own. The less people know the best. Less explanations, less whispers and less complications.

“Do you wanna come with me and some friends to a bar and have some fun?” He offers.

“No, thanks.” He says politely.

Balthazar groans. “Cassie, do you ever have fun?”

“Of course I have fun!”

Balthazar arches one eyebrow and dedicates him a disbelief sight. “I meant outside your apartment.”

“I have fun at my apartment.” He says. He has more fun than Balthazar, actually. Most of the time, Balthazar always presumes about his dates and he is always trying to persuade Castiel to go with him, but Castiel is awkward when it comes to dates. He is not too good at flirting, and then, when it comes about sex, he has fun, but not much. One night stands are complicated and awkward for him. He prefers this thing he has with Dean.

“Cassie, c’mon. You should come with us!”

“No.” He denies again. “I don’t like going out. I’m better at my apartment, reading some books, listening to music…”

“When was the last time you got laid, huh?” He asks with a parenting voice.

Castiel rolls his eyes. Balthazar is always too interested on his friend’s sexual life, and if he knows that it has been more than a month since one of his friends got laid, he is going to try to hook you up with anyone. “Not so long ago.” Castiel says.

“Oh yeah?” He sounds curious and impressed. “When?”

“Is your sexual life that boring that you have to ask about mine?” He snaps a bit annoyed.

“Okay, got it. You don’t want to talk about it.” He says wrinkling his nose. “But I think it will be good for you to get out of your apartment and have some fun with us. You need to clean that dust and those cobwebs on you.”

“Shut up.” Castiel glares him. “You should stop screwing with any woman you like because one of these days, you are going to become a father. And I don’t think that kid would be lucky to have someone like you as a father.”

Balthazar laughs hysterically. “Oh, sassy Cassie.” He says laughing. Castiel makes a happy smile. Then, Balthazar places his hand on his chest and pretends a sorrow face. “You hurt me.”

“Yeah, sure.” He says bitchily.

“So, there’s no way I can convince you to come with us?” He says with a sad grin.

“No. I want a calm night at home.” It won’t be calm, because Dean is everything except calm, and damn it, Castiel really loves that about Dean. He is looking forward for tonight. He is always looking forward to spend the night with Dean.

Balthazar sighs and stands up. “Well, have fun granny.”

“You too pervert.”

Balthazar laughs hysterically as he leaves the cafeteria. Castiel keeps eating his lunch; a salad he prepared at home. He would eat the food from the cafeteria, but it has no salt or sugar and it tastes pretty bad. Perfect for patients, but a crime for food for the ones who are healthy.

When he is leaving the cafeteria, his mobile rings. The name on the screen says Dean. Castiel frowns confused. He hopes that Dean is all right, that his father didn’t show up and hurt Dean again. When Castiel saw Dean like that, bleeding, he was terrified. He doesn’t want anything bad to happen to Dean. He knows he had a bad life, and being a prostitute isn’t the best, but Dean is a great guy who shouldn’t suffer ever again.

Castiel picks up the phone and he talks. “Hello Dean, is everything all right?”

 _“Hey Cas, yeah, it is, why do you ask?”_ Dean sounds good and Castiel breathes relieved.

“I thought that maybe something bad happened to you, again.” He says biting his lower lip.

 _“How sweet you are.”_ Dean says chuckling and forcing a fond voice. Castiel rolls his eyes and makes a tiny smile. _“No, everything’s all right, I called you for another reason.”_

“Okay, tell me.”

 _“I’ve got an exam that will last until eight p.m., at last, and maybe I’ll arrive to your place later than usually because I’ll have to have dinner, y’know?”_ He starts to explain. Castiel thinks he sounds a little nervous.

“Why don’t you have dinner at my place?” Castiel says casually.

 _“Cas—”_ Dean starts to say. Castiel knows this voice; it’s the one Dean uses when he isn’t too sure about something.

“Dean, shut up and listen.” He says a bit bossy. He is sure that Dean must be rolling his eyes right now. “Do your exam and come to my place, without any rush. I know you, and I know that you will drive over the speed limit to go to your house, eat as fast as you can and then drive to my place over the speed limit again.”

 _“I won’t eat as fast as I can. I love food. I don’t eat food like that. I like to taste every single bite of it.”_ He snaps.

Castiel chuckles. He really likes Dean’s personality. “Anyway, why don’t you just come over? That way, you won’t be too rushed. When you finish your exam come over here.”

 _“Yeah, why not? I save gasoline that way.”_ He sounds convinced.

“Good then. I’ll order some pizza, if you want to.”

 _“I thought you were gonna cook.”_ He teases.

“Do you want some food poisoning?”

Dean laughs brightly and although Castiel can’t see Dean laughing, it warms his heart too much for just listen to it. _“Okay, some pizza then. I’ll see you tonight.”_

“Good luck with your exam.” He wishes with his sweetest voice.

 _“Thanks.”_ Dean says, and it kind of sounds as if a smile was appearing on his pretty pink tender lips.

They hang up and Castiel smiles at the phone. He likes Dean, and the more time they spend together, the best. Dean makes him feel good. Not only because of the awesome sex they have, because there’s something more, there’s something about Dean that makes Castiel feel extremely good and happy.

 

***

 

Dean just finished his exam. It was quite difficult, but he thinks he will pass, if the professor isn’t a complete dick and starts to cross out everything because it isn’t perfect. There are too many professors like that.

He gets in his Impala and he drives to Cas’ apartment. He wrote Sam a text message telling him that he was going to go to stop by a McDonalds to have dinner after the exam because he wouldn’t be at time to get to work if he stopped by home. Sam said it was okay and that he had good luck in his exam.

Dean is already in the lift, waiting to arrive to the fifth floor. As he waits, he keeps thinking that this is a bit weird; he is going to have dinner with Cas. It’s just a pizza, but it is unusual. But everything is unusual with Cas, so, what the hell?

The lift’s doors open and Dean walks towards Cas’ door. Like always, he rings the bell and waits for Cas to open it. When Dean sees him, with his black dress pants, his white shirt and a black waistcoat, his mouth suddenly goes dry and he tries so hard not to drop his jaw down, because, holy shit, Cas looks fucking amazing dressed like that. He always looks amazing with any kind of clothes, and without any, but damn it, tonight he looks hotter than usually.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel greets with a warm smile.

“Hey Cas.” Dean says smiling. “You look hot dressed like that.” He says amused.

Castiel blushes a lot and he looks down at his clothes. “Thanks.” He says shyly as he rubs the back of his neck. Dean thinks that Cas is the cutest and hottest thing in the world right now. “Come in.”

Dean doesn’t compliment clients, but Cas is too hot like that. Dean thinks it was a bit out of place, but Cas didn’t seem to mind. Anyway, Dean should think before he talks.

Dean walks inside and he waits next to the couch for Cas. “Should I take off my clothes now or…?” Dean starts to ask. Maybe Cas wants him to eat naked.

Castiel arches a brow. “Do you tend to eat naked?” He asks with a lot of sass.

“No. Although I never tried it.” He says smirking.

Castiel smiles as he bites his lower lip as he rolls his eyes. “Just leave your clothes on, after we eat, then you take them off.”

“Okay.” Dean says nodding. Then Castiel goes towards the kitchen. “Do you need help with something?” He asks as he takes off his leather jacket and leaves it on the armchair.

“No, thanks.” Castiel says from the kitchen. “I ordered pepperoni pizza, I’m not sure if you like it.” He comments with a grimace looking at Dean.

“Who doesn’t like pepperoni pizza?” Dean says with a charming smile. He sees that Cas makes a relieved smile. He was worried that Dean might not like the pizza. “Do you like it, right?” He asks cautious.

“Of course. As you said, who doesn’t like pepperoni pizza?”

“Crazy people.”

Castiel laughs and Dean can’t help smiling too. Why is it too easy for him to smile with Cas? “Yes, crazy people.” He says chuckling. Dean meanwhile starts to look at the bookshelves, reading the titles and the authors from the books. “What do you want to drink?” Castiel asks in a loud voice.

“What do you have?”

“Not much. Water and coke. And some wine.” He tells with a weird voice.

“Coke is fine.” He says as his eyes keep wandering on the books. Cas has a lot of books, and he has more in his bedroom. It is like a small library and Dean likes that. There’s always a nice smell of books at Cas’ apartment, and Dean loves the smell of books.

Dean hears Cas’ footsteps approaching the living room. Then, he hears the sounds of the dishes and the coke cans being put on the coffee table. After that, Cas approaches Dean, leaving just a couple of inches in between them. “Are you peering on my books?” Castiel asks with that cute teasing voice.

“Yeah.” Dean confesses with a happy smile. “You’ve got a lot.”

“I know. And I want more.” He says guiltily. Dean chuckles. “There’s so much to read. But I don’t think that I would be able to read as many books as I want to even if I lived a hundred years.”

“I feel you.” He says blowing. Dean loves reading, but he is always busy with one thing or another and he reads less than he wants to.

“See something that you like?” Castiel asks curious.

“You don’t have bad taste.” Dean says impressed. He has seen several books by Stephen King, Agatha Christie, Shakespeare, Kafka, Lovecraft, Jules Verne, Oscar Wilde… He has a couple of books by Dan Brown, Kerouac, Tolstoy, Asimov… He has a lot of books.

“I have a great taste.” He says a bit cockily and Dean turns his face to dedicate him a warm smile.

Dean’s eyes keep traveling along the immense collection of books when he finally sees a couple of books by the same author. “Wait, do you like Vonnegut?” He says surprised.

“I love Vonnegut.” He rectifies. “I have most of his books scattered on this bookshelf and the one in my bedroom.”

“I love Vonnegut too. He is my favorite author.” Dean says enthusiastically.

“Really?” He sounds happily surprised. He approaches Dean a little bit more, leaving no personal space. He looks at Dean with a calculative look. “What’s your favorite Vonnegut’s book?”

Dean smirks. “ _Slaughterhouse V_.” By the way Cas looks at him, Dean can tell he is really satisfied with the answer. Then, Castiel makes a proud smile. “Correct answer?”

“Correct answer.” Castiel says smiling wider.

Dean takes another quick look to the books before he looks at one of the watercolor paintings hanging on the wall, a beautiful landscape. “I really like those paintings.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.” He turns to see Castiel, he is blushing a lot. “Why do you blush?”

“Because I painted them.” He confesses shyly.

Dean looks at the paintings and then, at Castiel. “Holy fuck. Seriously? You are talented!”

“Thank you. Those are from photos I looked on the internet. The rest of the time I try to paint some of the paintings of my favorite painters, especially from Velázquez, who is my favorite one, although he painted in oil and I paint in watercolor.” He sounds very shy as he explains it.

“You are freaking talented, Cas. Really.” Dean says impressed. The paintings are beyond beautiful.

“Thank you, Dean.” Then, the doorbell rings. “Must be our pizza.” And he walks towards the main door while Dean keeps looking at the paintings. “Okay, time for dinner.” Cas announces leaving the pizza on the coffee table and sitting on the floor. Dean sits on the floor as well, next to Cas. “If you are uncomfortable, we can sit on the kitchen chairs.” He says looking at Dean.

“I like sitting on the floor.” Dean says. He still does it when he and Sam order some food or when they are having dinner and they are watching a movie.

“Great, then. I like it too.” He confesses shyly. He opens the pizza box and he puts one slice on Dean’s plate and the other on his. “How was your exam, by the way?”

“It was a bit difficult, but I think I’ll pass.” Dean explains before he takes the first bite. He was really hungry. He hadn’t eaten anything since lunch and his stomach was grumbling for food.

“What was the exam about?”

“Machine theory.”

“Sounds complicated.” He says squeezing his nose.

Dean chuckles and he looks at Cas. “It is.” He says. Castiel makes a grimace and then, he keeps eating his pizza. Dean can’t help feeling so domestic right now. Here they are, at Cas’ apartment, eating pizza, talking, as if they were friends, well, aren’t they some kind of friends? Or whatever? Anyway, it feels so natural to Dean. In times like this, he wishes that Cas wasn’t paying him to have sex, that they could have something less complicated and kind of normal.

He should put those thoughts away. He is a professional, he is Cas’ whore and he shouldn’t forget it. Even if sometimes Cas makes him forget the true reason of why Dean is in this apartment right now. Dean is a whore. Castiel pays him to fuck him. He must not forget that.

“What about you?” Dean inquires. “How was your day?”

“Long.” Castiel sighs before taking a sip of his coke. “Working at a hospital is really exhausted sometimes. I like it but there’s a lot of stress most of the time.”

“Sorry I made it longer by coming here later than usually.” Dean apologizes with a sorrow grimace. Poor Cas had a long day and he had to wait for him, even for having dinner.

“Don’t worry. The pizza and your company are worth it.” He says with a cute grin. Naturally, Dean blushes a little. “You get so cute when you blush.” He says candidly.

“Shut up, Cas.” He mutters trying to look away from those beautiful blue eyes.

Castiel chuckles and it sounds so happy and bright, “You should blush more often.”

Dean squeezes his mouth. Cas is teasing him because he wants to see Dean blushed. But Cas blushes easily and Dean is going to seize that. “And you should wear more often that waistcoat because you look so fucking gorgeous with it.”

Castiel tries in a fail attempt not to blush, but the flush spreads over his face quickly. “I was wondering what you would say to make me blush.” He confesses with an angry pout, but it is sweet too.

Dean laughs. “You blush quite easily. Is that normal or is it only with me?” He asks. Castiel doesn’t answer; instead, he blushes a little bit more. “That blush confirms that it is only with me.”

“I’m starting to hate you right now, Dean.” He says arching a brow. Dean can see in Cas’ eyes that he doesn’t hate him.

“You don’t hate me.” He says with an obvious look.

Castiel looks down and he smiles. “Yes, I don’t hate you.” He takes another slice of pizza and he bites it. “I don’t know why I blush so often with you.” He murmurs confused. “I mean, you are a little teasing shit but—”

“Thanks for that.” Dean says pretending to be annoyed.

Castiel chuckles and he rolls his eyes. “Don’t deny that.”

“You are a little teasing shit too. Especially when you are about to fuck me.” He snaps with a cocky face.

Castiel grimaces. “Fine, the two of us are two little teasing shits, happy?”

“Yeah.”

Castiel rolls his eyes and he makes an acid smile. “Anyway, apart from that, I don’t know why you make me blush so often.”

“Because you are shy, I guess.” Dean supposes.

“I’m shy, I know it, but not when both of us are naked. Shouldn’t it be more logical that I felt shyer when we are completely naked?”

“I don’t know. You are weird.” Dean concludes. Castiel punches his arm. “Hey!”

“Sorry, but you are an assbutt.” He says with a convincing voice.

“And you are a dick.” Dean snaps with a pout. Castiel leans and he kisses Dean tenderly. He tastes like the pizza, but better. Then, Cas pulls away. “What was that for?” Dean asks confused. Technically, he isn’t working yet.

“You have nice lips and that’s a great way to shut you up.” Castiel explains. He looks at Dean with a challenging look. Dean kisses Cas now, in a fond way. When he pulls away, Cas frowns in confusion.

“It works for you too.” Dean says cockily

Castiel moves away and he cleans his hands with a napkin. For a moment he thinks that Cas is mad at him, but them, Castiel grabs the flaps of Dean’s plaid shirt and he pulls him into a passionate and spirited kiss. Dean opens his mouth and lets Cas’ tongue to get in. Dean moans when that eager tongue pushes deeper and Cas pushes Dean down onto the floor, without pulling his mouth away from Dean, who runs his fingers desperately through Cas’ hair.

Dean hasn’t got any idea what all of this is about, and right now, he doesn’t care. All Dean cares about is Cas, above him, kissing him until there’s no air left in any part of his body, rocking his hips in an almost unnoticeable way, but quite arousing.

“Do you really want to mess up with me, Dean?” Castiel asks in a sexy challenging way.

Dean smirks and he rolls both of them. Now Castiel is with his back on the floor and Dean is above him. “Yeah, I want to.” Dean says really cocky. He leans over and he kisses Castiel in a dirty way. He feels Cas’ hands fisting the back of his shirt. Dean pulls away of the kiss, after nibbling Cas’ lower lip. He looks at Cas, who has those baby blue eyes, that intense gaze made by an ocean. He looks so freaking gorgeous. Dean kisses Cas again, this time fonder.

Castiel gasps. “You are a great kisser.”

“You aren’t that bad either.”

Castiel chuckles and he bends his torso, until he and Dean are sitting. Dean places his hands around Cas’ waist and Castiel places his around Dean’s neck. Castiel kisses Dean needy, as if Dean was the reason why his lungs keep breathing, and holy shit, it is a really arousing kiss. When he moves, he passes his thumb along Dean’s nether lip. Dean stares at that infinity sea once again, letting himself sink in those eyes. They are so close that their eyelashes are touching.

“I’ve just realized that I made you forget about pizza.” Castiel murmurs with a tiny proud smile appearing on his lips.

“What can I say? You are better.” Dean recognizes. Castiel blushes a little. “And there’s that cute blush.”

Castiel punches him again and Dean lets out a complaining groan. “Come on, I didn’t hit you that hard.”

“You did.” Dean says glaring him. Castiel is about to say something, but Dean stops him by kissing him. It is so easy to kiss Cas. It is so tempting. His lips were made for being kissed and Dean feels so lucky to be the one who can feel those lips against his.

“How about we finish those last slices of pizza and after that, we go directly to my bedroom?” Castiel proposes. His eyes are already painted with lust.

“Sounds good.” Dean says.

And that’s what they do. They eat the last slices of pizza and then, Castiel stands up quickly and grabs Dean’s wrist, helping him to stand up and they go towards Cas’ bedroom. Castiel starts to take off Dean’s clothes eagerly and Dean does the same with Castiel’s.

When they are still standing and Castiel is busy kissing Dean’s neck, Dean asks. “What do you want me to do tonight, Cas?”

Castiel grabs tightly Dean’s hair and he moves his head to they can stare into each other’s eyes. “What position would you like me to fuck you, Dean?”

Dean’s mouth goes quite dry with that. He has thought about something he has wanted to do. “I want to ride you.”

Castiel smiles in a hussy way. “You want to ride me? You want to fuck into my cock?” He asks. And seriously, Dean gets half hard when Cas talks to him with that voice. Castiel presses his body against Dean’s, rubbing their crotches. “Is that what you want, Dean? To ride me until you leave me boneless and breathless?”

“Yeah.” Dean says almost breathless.

Castiel kisses him in a hard and needy way. “Then, you are going to ride me.” He says moving his hands to press Dean’s butt cheeks. He moves them to the bed and Castiel lets himself fall down onto the mattress. Dean places himself above Castiel, who pushes him down to meet him in a fierce and desperate kiss. Then, Dean feels Castiel’s hand grabbing both of their cocks and jerking them off.

“Fuck, Cas—” Dean moans.

Castiel makes a humming noise mixed with a moan. Dean kisses him and their tongues twirl together. Castiel doesn’t stop moving his hand along both of their cocks. After several thrusts, Castiel pulls his hand away and he grabs the lube and a condom. He puts on the condom and then, he applies the lube on his fingers and he starts to open up Dean.

Dean moans when the fingers touch his prostate and he fucks into them. He hears Cas chuckling when he does that. Dean loves Cas’ hands and he loves those fucking fingers and the way they touch him. Dean tilts his head back and he bites his lower lip when there are four fingers inside him, scissoring him and touching his prostate.

“Are you ready?” Cas asks.

“I am.” Dean answers.

Castiel pulls his fingers out. “I’m all yours, Dean.”

Dean nods and he places his hands on Castiel’s shoulders. Slowly, he pushes Cas’ cock inside himself, feeling how Cas’ cock starts to fill him with all that warmth. He fucks into that cock and he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Cas is fully settled inside of him.

Castiel places his hands on Dean’s thighs. “Come on, Dean.” He begs.

Dean starts to ride Cas, who moans quite loud and arches his back. Dean rocks his hips, fucking into Cas’ cock, pushing it and out of him, with steady and hard thrusts. Castiel digs his nails on Dean’s flesh and Dean moans really loud because Cas’ cock hits that sweet spot instantly.

Castiel rocks his hips, following the same rhythm Dean is doing. Dean feels how Cas’ hands move up from his thighs to his nipples. Cas’ fingers starts to stroke them and Dean places his hands above Cas’, without stopping for a single moment to ride Cas. Dean keeps rocking his hips, shaking his whole body, feeling Cas’ cock bobbing and pushing inside him.

“Cas—” Dean moans. “Cas—”

“Dean— so good— oh, Dean—” Castiel moans. Dean clenches his hole and Castiel moans and groans louder and even his back jumps a little. “Dean—! Do that again!” He asks for desperate. Dean does it again and Castiel moans louder than before. He even nails Dean’s chest. “Oh my— Dean—!”

“Do you want me to go faster, Cas?” Dean asks opening his eyes. Cas looks so fucking good right now. Lips parted, head tilted down on the pillow, craving for air and body moving with Dean. “I can leave you more breathless if you want to.” Dean says. He doesn’t know how he is able to say all those words. He moans again, because that wonderful spot is hit and he can feel Cas’ cock twitching.

“Yes— please— Dean.” He seems as if he couldn’t form complete sentences. “Ride me faster. Ride me harder.” He says needy.  
Dean rocks his hips faster and harder. He fucks into Cas’ cock harder than ever. Dean needs to place his hands on Castiel’s hips to hold himself. He tries to keep his eyes open to see the glorious picture of Cas rapt by pleasure because of Dean. He looks fucking gorgeous right now. Dean keeps riding Cas, feeling the cock hit his prostate over and over again. Dean is about to come, but he doesn’t want to come before Cas. He clenches his hole again and Castiel makes a guttural sound that Dean loves. He knows Cas is close to come, so Dean clenches again, as he rocks his hips even faster and he feels Cas coming.

Dean comes no longer after that. His legs are trembling. He rests his hands on the mattress, trying not to fall down onto Cas, who is still in the heat of coming. Dean feels boneless. Cas’ cock is still inside him, filling him in that wonderful way. He doesn’t want this feeling to stop, this rapt he feels when he comes because of Cas. He doesn’t even need to touch his cock and Dean comes by just Cas’ cock hitting his prostate.

He feels Cas’ hands on his blades and he is pushed down to meet Cas in a kiss. It is sloppy, but it is spirited. Both of them gasp after it and they open their eyes slightly, just enough to see each other. Dean rests his forehead on Cas’ and he pulls away from Cas’ cock, hating the emptiness and the coldness he feels every night when Cas is no longer inside him.

Dean thinks Cas removes the condom and he throws it away, but Dean has now his eyes closed, trying to catch his breath and he doesn’t care. He feels Cas’ arms embracing him and then, he feels a kiss on his temple.

“You really left me boneless and breathless.” Castiel murmurs. He takes a needy breath after those words.

Dean smirks and he turns his face to press his forehead on Cas’ cheek. “You thought I was bluffing?”

“Not at all.” He feels Cas making that happy after sex smile. “But I wasn’t expecting to be this extraordinarily good. I knew it was going to be really good, but holy shit.” He lets out a sweet moan mixed with a gasp.

Things of being a whore. Dean thinks. But he doesn’t say it out loud. “I’m fucking exhausted.” He says exhaling sharply.

“Me too.” He breathes out.

Dean feels how Castiel tightens his arms around him, as if Cas didn’t want him to go. Well, Dean isn’t going to move away for a couple of minutes. His legs are sore and he can barely move. Also he needs to catch his breath. It is going to take him several minutes before he can move away. He even has to clean the jizz on his belly, that it is now on Cas’ too. They are sweating and they have come, but no one of them seems to care. Right now, they just want to rest.

This feels good. To be embraced by Cas, feeling his breathing, feeling his warmth, lying above him. Dean really likes that. He likes cuddling, but he has barely done it since he became a whore. Dean won’t recognize it out loud, but he likes cuddling, he even likes being the little spoon. But he doesn’t want anyone to know that.

He is starting to feel sleepy. He checks the alarm clock on Cas’ bedside table and he sees that it is 00:49. He should leave; it is starting to get late. Time at Cas’ apartment always flies away.

“Where are those wonderful wet wipes you always use?” Dean murmurs.

Castiel turns his face to see him. Why does he have to look so beautiful right now? There’s some flush on his cheeks, his eyes are all tenderness and his hair is a messy nest. He is too freaking beautiful and cute. “First drawer.” Cas says. Dean moves away and he looks into the drawer. When he founds it, he cleans Cas first and then, he cleans himself. When he is done, he feels Castiel sitting behind him, placing his legs around Dean’s waist and kissing his nape. “Are you leaving?” He sounds a bit sad.

“It’s starting to be late.” Dean says. He closes his eyes when Castiel starts to kiss the skin behind his ear. The bastard knows which buttons he has to press to make Dean want to stay for longer. Cas’ fingers start to stroke one of Dean’s nipples. Then, Castiel starts to kiss his neck and to drag gently his teeth along it. “Cas—” Dean moans.

“You could stay here a little bit longer.” Castiel whispers into Dean’s skin. His voice is soft but arousing, and damn him for that voice.

“If you want me to stay longer, I can stay longer.” Dean says tilting his head so Cas has more room. Cas is the one paying for him, so if Cas wants him to stay for longer, Dean will stay for longer.

“Do you want to stay longer?” There’s doubt in his voice and Dean turns his face to look at him with a confused frown. There’s insecurity in Castiel’s eyes.

Cas is like that. He sometimes forgets that this thing isn’t about Dean, it is about Cas, because he is the one paying and Dean is the whore. But Cas always wants to make sure that Dean is comfortable with this. “Yeah.” He says. Castiel nods and he kisses Dean’s freckled shoulder. Then, he just takes a deep breath and he rests his cheek on Dean’s shoulder as his hand moves up and down on Dean’s chest. Dean looks at him with a confused sight and he asks. “What’s wrong, Cas?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired.” He says with a soft voice.

“If you are that tired, why were you trying to keep me here?” He asks with an arched brow. There’s something Cas isn’t telling him.

Castiel makes a sweet smile and he moves his head away from the freckled shoulder so he can kiss Dean. “Because I like touching you.” He says as his palm traces down Dean’s chest. “From this way,” he starts to say. The hand keeps going downer until it grabs Dean’s cock, and Dean, naturally, gasps. “To this.”

Dean kisses Castiel dirtily and he feels Cas’ smile on the kiss. “If you are gonna keep touching me like that, I have no problem on staying longer.”

Castiel shakes his head. “No, you are right, it’s late. We had a long day, we should rest.” He says and Dean thinks he sounds a bit disappointed.

“Are you sure? Cas, I can stay if—” But Cas kisses him to cut down his sentence. It is a sweet kiss.

“Don’t worry. Besides, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He watches the alarm clock. “Well, tonight.”

Dean chuckles and he kisses Cas softly. “Okay, then.”

Castiel pulls his legs away from Dean, so he can start to put on his clothes. Castiel moves towards his wardrobe to put on his t-shirt and his pyjama’s pants. When Dean is fully clothed, except from the jacket, that it is on the living room’s armchair, both of them walk towards the living room. Dean puts on his jacket while Castiel gathers up the plates from the coffee table. Dean helps him, of course.

“You didn’t tell me how much I have to pay for the pizza.” Dean says as he trashes the empty cans.

“Don’t be stupid.” Castiel says a bit annoyed and abruptly. “There’s no need to pay for the pizza.”

“Cas—”

“Dean.” Castiel says turning to face Dean. He has his warning look.

“Fine.” Dean says with a pout. Castiel smirks. “Next time we eat pizza I’ll pay.” He says. Castiel is about to say something but Dean shushes him by putting his index finger on Cas’ lips. “Not a word.”

Castiel moves away Dean’s finger and he grabs Dean’s jacket to pull Dean into a fiercely kiss. “Not even a goodnight?” He asks teasingly.

“I meant about the pizza.”

“I was teasing you, assbutt.”

“Me too.” Dean smiles. He kisses Cas. They have never kissed when Dean is about to leave. But Cas has been the first who started, so maybe there’s no problem at all. “See you tomorrow, Cas.”

“See you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Dean walks away from the kitchen and he goes towards the main door, when he opens it, he hears Cas. “Dean.”

Dean turns around to see Cas walking towards him. “Yeah?”

Castiel seems as if he wanted to say something. There’s some doubt in his eyes that Dean can’t fully understand why. Instead of saying something, Castiel cups Dean’s face and he kisses him needy. Dean doesn’t understand why Cas is doing this right now and tonight. They never kiss when he is leaving. When they pull away, Dean has a puzzled sight. Castiel looks at his eyes, and there’s something mysterious on Castiel’s. “Sweet dreams, Dean.” Castiel finally says and he closes the door.

Dean stands there, looking at the door confused. He blinks perplexed and then, he walks towards the lift. That was a bit weird. But it was good.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm already on Christmas vacations, these following weeks I'm going to be able to update every Monday :)
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions ^^

“You know, since you are studying an engineering, you should have more knowledge about computers, Winchester.” Charlie says. She is at the Winchester’s house. Dean called her because he had a problem with the Matlab’s installation, a complicated program he has to use for calculus. He really hates that program, but all the professors say it is an essential program for all the engineerings. But that program is like hell; it isn’t intuitive at all and it is all about programming. Dean really hates that program.

“This program hates me and I hate it. It’s all its fault. If it was any other program, I’d know how to fix the problem.” Dean protests.

Charlie giggles. “Your nemesis is Matlab. I wonder if they could write a comic about that.” She makes a thoughtful grimace. Dean kicks her leg. “Kick me again and I ain’t fixing you this.” She warns with an obvious glare.

Dean rolls his eyes and he blows. “Fine.” He says reclining on his chair. “I hope it doesn’t take long. I have to go to work in a couple of hours.”

“Well, this nemesis of yours will take at least one hour.”

Dean looks at his phone to check the hour. “Then it is fine.”

“Where’s Sam, by the way?” Charlie asks as she picks some m&m’s Dean brought to his bedroom.

“At Kevin’s house. They are making a project together and then they will watch a movie at Kevin’s with some other friends.”

“Impressive. He has more social life than you.” She says with a pout.

Dean laughs. “Yeah, I thought he wasn’t gonna make it.” He admits with a happy pout. Charlie laughs too. “He should go out a little bit more.” He grabs a fist full of peanuts m&m’s and he eats them at once.

“And you too.” Charlie says arching her eyebrows. “Although now you have Cas.”

“Yeah.” Dean says. He doesn’t have Cas as the way Charlie thinks.

“How are things between you two?” She asks curious. She has some m&m’s on her hand and like always, she eats them for color. She always leaves the green ones for the last, and she always starts with the brown ones; her least favorite color.

“Good.” Dean says. He was a bit confused about what happened two weeks ago, when Cas kissed him before Dean left. But the next day, everything seemed to be like always. There was some rough but great sex with Dean tied to the bed and when Dean had to go, there was no farewell kiss. It was relieving but Dean kind of missed it. And the next week and yesterday, it was like always. As it used to be.

Dean realizes that Charlie hasn’t asked anything more about he and Cas; she has been staring for some minutes the screen. “Aren’t you gonna ask me anything else about me and Cas?” Dean asks confused.

“No.” Charlie says with a casual face. “You told me that if anything else happened, you would tell me.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my friend Charlie Bradbury?” He asks with a serious frown.

Charlie laughs hysterically. “Hey, you told me that and I’m going to respect it. I don’t want you to threaten me with no eating more of your pies.”

Dean smirks. “There’s my girl.” Both of them laugh. Then, Dean looks down and he sighs.

“What is it?” She asks worried.

Dean looks at her. “It’s just that this thing I have with Cas is—” He makes a thoughtful grimace, wondering what word he can use. “ Complicated.” He finally says. He should shut up and avoid this topic as much as he can, but he has some strange need to let something out. Of course, he isn’t going to confess that he is Cas’ whore, but he needs to let out some things that have been wandering inside his head.

“Define complicated.” Charlie asks for.

Dean arches his eyebrows. How can he define this complicated mess of relationship he has with Cas? He should have shut up. But now he is here and Charlie is waiting for him to talk. “It all started as one night stand.” He lies. It is the most believing thing he can say. “We both knew it, but now we are like fuck buddies, or something like that.” He says. Fuck buddies sounds better than whore; much better. “And we agreed to be that, but—” And he shuts up.

“But?” Charlie inquires. There’s too much concern in her voice.

“Sometimes it feels like we are not only fuck buddies. A few Fridays ago, it felt as if we were good friends, having a good time together before we had sex and then, well, we don’t kiss when I leave his apartment, but he kissed me, so needy, but it was only that night. The last couple of nights, it has been the same and I don’t know what happened that night that made him be like that.”

“Maybe he wants something more serious.”

“No.” Dean says. Something more serious than being his whore? No, of course that Cas doesn’t want that.

“How are you so sure?” She asks with a sassy voice. Charlie knows too well that Dean sucks with relationships and things like that.

“I know him.” Actually, he knows what all of this is about and Cas just wants Dean as a whore. Nothing else.

Charlie blows and she makes a thoughtful face. “And you say it was only that night?” She asks. Dean nods. “Maybe he had a hard day and he needed you that night. Not only for sex, you know?”

“Yeah, maybe.” It seems legible. Cas was quite tired, so Charlie’s suggestion seen legit. “Yeah, it must have been that. He told me he had a long day, so yeah, it should have been that.”

Charlie gives him a calculative look and Dean narrows his eyes. He knows that look, and nothing good usually comes after that look. “You really like him, don’t you?”

“Of course I like him. I won’t be spending my nights after work if I didn’t like him.” Dean says defensive.

“I mean ‘like’ in italics. That you really _like_ him.” She says emphasizing the word like and with that smile that seems as if she knew when the world was going to explode.

Maybe. Dean really likes Cas. He has been wondering lately what it would be like if he wasn’t a whore and he and Cas would have met. The more he knows about Cas, the more he likes him. But Dean liked him since the first moment they met, but it isn’t like the way he likes Cas now. Now, it is as Charlie says. But Dean tries to not think about that, to give it any importance. He is just a whore and Cas is a great guy and a great client. Dean just enjoys his time with Cas. When they aren’t fucking and when they are.

“Well.” Charlie says. “I know you, and you are going to fool yourself or you are going to tell me to shut up, but Dean, I don’t think that guy is just a fuck buddy.” She says. And Dean knows that she might be right, that he really likes Cas, but he is his whore and he should keep it like that. Dean stays in silence. He doesn’t know what to say. “Well, let’s change the topic, what do you think the storyline of the new _Star Wars_ films are going to be like?” She asks happily.

Dean is grateful that Charlie knows him well enough to know when she has to change the subject. And that was the accurate moment.

As the Matlab keeps installing, the two of them talk about Star Wars, some new videogame Charlie is excited to buy, some subject at university and a few more things like that. When the program is perfectly installed, Charlie leaves and Dean starts to prepare his dinner.

He prepares some grilled hake with some salad. Sam has forced him to eat healthy and after some years, Dean finally got a little bit used to it. He isn’t a fan of rabbit food, but he eats it. It is the quicker thing to do, a salad. He has still some time before he has to leave, but he would rather eat calmly than eat without chewing.

After eating, he washes the dish, the glass and the cutlery and he goes towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. Once he has done that, he goes towards the Impala and he drives to Cas’ apartment, which is a quick drive, not more than ten minutes.

He rings the doorbell and when Castiel opens the door, Dean sees he looks quite bad; he looks exhausted and a bit irritated. “Hello Dean.” Castiel says trying to make a smile.

“Hey Cas, are you all right?” Dean asks worried. He has never seen Cas like that. He comes in and Cas closes the door.

“I had a family lunch today.” He answers tiredly. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Crap.” Dean says. He knows that Cas only gets on well with his sister. The rest of his family hates him for being gay. Cas barely talks or sees his family. Dean knows that Cas only sees Anna, but once in a while.

“Yes, crap.” He says leaning his back on the wall. “They fucked up my day.”

If Cas swears when he and Dean aren’t naked, it is a really bad sign. Dean knows it. Cas is quite demure when they aren’t talking about sex or teasing each other or when they are about to have sex. That’s the only time when Cas swears. “You wanna talk about it?”

Castiel sighs. “No, not really. I’m just in not the greatest mood, you know?” He gives Dean a tired look. Then he exhales sharply. “It’s been hours since I last saw them, I shouldn’t be this grumpy.”

“Hey, Cas. Don’t worry, I get it. I’m always in a terrible mood when I see my father.” Dean says. He understands Cas. Maybe Cas’ family doesn’t hit him with a bottle of whiskey or they don’t hurt him physically, but words can be as bad or worse than beating sometimes. Dean can’t still forget his father’s words the last time he saw him. He can’t forget all those words he has told him every time they have seen each other. All those words showing how disappointed John is about Dean. “I can cheer you up, that’s why I’m here.” Dean says. He hates seeing Cas like that. He is always smiling and showing joy, not like this.

“I don’t know Dean, I don’t want to annoy you.” He starts to say with insecure eyes. Poor Cas, he must have had a hell of a family reunion.

Dean approaches him and he cups Cas’ face. He sees those sad blue eyes lighten up a little with that gesture. “I’m gonna make you forget your family and I’m gonna make that pretty smile of yours appear again.” He says.

Castiel blushes a little and he even makes a tiny smile, although is a bit sad and tired, but it is a beginning. “Do you think you will be capable?”

“You know I will.” Dean says. He pulls away his hands and he misses touching those soft cheeks. “But for that, I need you to sit on the couch and wait for me.” Dean says. He has something in his mind.

“What are you going to do?” He asks curious.

Dean smiles and he grabs Castiel’s wrist leading him to the living room. “You’ll see.”

Castiel sits down on the couch and Dean starts to take off his clothes. “You have me intrigued.”

Dean smirks. “I hope you don’t find it ridiculous.”

“Now I’m more intrigued.”

Dean laughs and even Cas chuckles. “See, you are starting to smile.” He points and Castiel blushes and looks down. Dean is now completely naked. He walks until he is in front of Cas. He grabs Castiel’s hands and he places them above his blue eyes. “Don’t look. It’s gonna take me a little.”

“Okay.” He says making a pretty smile.

Dean fights the urge to kiss Cas right now. He just walks away, towards the wardrobe next to the entrance, where Cas keeps umbrellas, a coat and a trench coat. Dean picks this last one and he puts it on. Then, he walks towards Cas’ bedroom and he looks on the bookshelf for a record. He finds a record by Queen and he looks at the track list to see the songs. He smiles when he sees the song he was looking for, _Crazy Little Thing Called Love_. He isn’t choosing that song because of the lyrics, he is choosing it because of the rhythm. Anyway, he hopes that it doesn’t seem as if he was telling Cas something with this song. Holy shit, Dean hopes that this doesn’t look like that.

Anyway, when he has the record, he goes back to the living room. He sees that Cas is still covering his eyes. Dean moves the needle of the record player and he places it on the track he wants it to play. He runs towards Cas, until he is facing him. Dean is going to be really ashamed if Cas finds this ridiculous, but he is going to do this just to see Cas smile.

“Okay, you can look now.” Dean says before the song starts to play. He is already nervous and feeling a bit ashamed about what he is going to do. But it will be worth it just to see Cas smile again.

Castiel moves his hands away from his eyes and he tilts his head in confusion as he narrows his eyes. Dean would do the same if he saw his whore wearing only his trench coat. “Dean, what the—?” Castiel starts to ask, but the song starts playing and Dean starts to dance.

Dean has done terrible things as a whore, well, he has been through some terrible things, but he has never danced in front of a client, and much less only wearing a trench coat. Anyway, Dean starts to dance, moving his arms, playing with the sleeves of the trench coat. He shakes his hips with the rhythm, moving his feet as if he was trying to dance the twist. Castiel covers his mouth, trying to hide his too big grin right now, but his eyes don’t abandon Dean for a single movement.

Dean can’t help smiling, because this is being the most ridiculous thing he has ever done but it is the greatest thing at the same time. And Cas is smiling widely, although that hand covers that pretty smile. Dean approaches Cas a little, shaking his hips and moving his legs with rhythm and he pulls away the hand. And there it is; that beautiful smile, which is all teeth and gums. Cas has a beautiful smile.

Dean twirls a couple of times and then, he starts to shake his shoulders and his hips again, as he snaps his fingers. Castiel laughs a lot and Dean makes a funny grimace as he raises his eyebrows. He gyrates in a sexy way and then twirls again, until he is in front of Castiel, who grabs the trench coat and he pulls Dean into a great kiss. The song just finishes when their lips are no longer together.

“I’m a ridiculous idiot.” Dean says.

“No, you are definitely not a ridiculous idiot.” Castiel says smiling. He pushes Dean down, until he is sitting on his lap and he kisses him passionately. “Thank you so much Dean.” Castiel says so happy.

Dean smiles too. “I hate seeing you sad or angry. You’ve got a beautiful smile.”

The flush on Castiel’s cheeks spreads almost instantly and Dean thinks he looks so fucking cute, so he kisses him. Castiel smiles as he nibbles his lower lip. “Why did you get my trench coat?”

“Mostly because I thought that if I were completely naked and dancing, I’d look quite ridiculous.”

Castiel laughs in a bright way that warms Dean’s heart. Cas looks at the trench coat and he touches it. “It looks good on you.”

“Everything looks good on me.” Dean says with a proud pout.

“Assbutt.” He places his hand on Dean’s nape and he draws him into a fierce kiss. Dean really put Cas in a great mood after his dancing.

“I told you I could cheer you up.” Dean says biting Cas’ lower lip.

“You always do.” And he kisses Dean desperate. He even places his hands on Dean’s back, fisting the trench coat. Dean must admit that he has a weakness for these kisses, he has a weakness for all Cas’ kisses, but when Cas kisses him like that, desperate and needy, as if Dean was the only thing that was keeping him together, Dean feels as if it was really like that.

Queen keeps sounding in the background; the song is _Somebody to Love_. Castiel looks at Dean’s eyes as he slips one of his hands and places it on Dean’s shoulder. The trench coat falls off Dean’s shoulder easily and gently. Castiel’s fingers start to touch that place, escalating slowly Dean’s neck, going down to the collarbone, stroking Dean’s freckled skin until he lets the trench coat fall off Dean’s opposite shoulder. Now both of Castiel’s hands trace down Dean’s chest, until they barely stroke the base of Dean’s cock. It is a slightly touch, but it is arousing. Then, Castiel starts to kiss and suck Dean’s neck.

Dean closes his eyes and tilts his head. He feels Cas’ teeth dragging on his skin. Dean moans lowly and he places one of his hands on Castiel’s messy hair, running his fingers slowly. There’s one of Castiel’s hands on his nipple, doing soothing circles on it.

Suddenly, Castiel stops working on Dean’s neck and he rests his forehead on it. His hands are no longer on Dean either. Dean feels how Cas takes a deep breath that caresses his throat.

“Hey.” Dean says pressing a kiss on Cas’ head. “You okay?”

“I’m sorry Dean, I’m just—” Castiel starts to say. “I try to forget this evening, but—” He takes another deep breath. Dean holds him tightly. “Some things are stuck in my mind.”

“I know what that is like.” He presses another kiss on Cas’ head. Dean knows that you can try so hard to forget things, and for some moments, you forget them, they seem as if they were completely out of your mind, but then again, something reminds you that thing you tried so hard to push it away, to let it pass, but it comes again and it hits you hard. And Dean hates Cas seeing him like that.

Why does he care so much about him? He has always cared about Cas, but it seems that as days pass, he cares more and more. Cas is great, but why is Dean so attached to him? They have moments like this when they don’t seem to be what they are. And that’s a dangerous territory, for both of them. Still, Dean cares a lot about Cas and his heart even aches when he sees Cas this sad, this devastated. It isn’t the Cas he knows.

“Do you want me to make you forget?” Dean asks cupping Cas’ face, forcing their eyes to meet.

“Yes.” Castiel says needy. “Make me forget, Dean.”

Dean kisses him sweetly and briefly. He moves away from Cas and he takes off the trench coat. Dean kneels in front of Cas and he takes off his sweatpants and his underwear. When Cas is naked from waist down, Dean starts to kiss the inner of his thighs; first the left one and then, the right. He feels how Cas shakes a little when Dean sucks a couple of hickeys and he hears Cas gasping.

Dean raises his sight to look at Cas; his pupils are blown out with lust and desire. He needs this more than ever. He needs Dean to make him forget, to make him achieve orgasm and make him don’t give a single damn about the rest of the world. And Dean can do all of that.

He is going to take his time, he is going to go slowly, so he starts to lick one of Cas balls. Cas slips a little down on the couch and he spreads his legs. There’s a sweet moan coming out of his mouth too. As Dean keeps licking at sucking Cas’ balls, he feels one of Cas hands being placed on his head, combing his hair in a sweet way.

After working on Cas’ balls, Dean finally decides to go to Cas’ cock, which is already hard. He looks at Cas through his eyelashes and he starts to press sweet little kisses on the shaft. Dean can see a small grin arising on those perfect lips. Dean kisses the head of Cas’ cock and he starts to swirl his tongue on the shaft with a nice speed.

“Dean—” Castiel says as he grips tighter with his hand Dean’s hair. “Dean—”

Dean swirls his tongue a couple of times and he finally takes Cas’ cock in his mouth, making Cas to moan and arch his back on his couch. Dean uses his tongue as he bobs his head up and down. He pushes the cock deeper and both of them moan. Castiel even pushes him deeper and Dean moans harder. He traces with his tongue the length of Cas cock and he keeps bobbing his head.

Castiel’s moans get louder and harder. Dean can feel the cock twitch in his mouth. Cas starts to rock his hips slowly, fucking into Dean’s mouth and Dean groans and moans. He presses his lips harder and Castiel makes a really loud moan with Dean’s name on it. Dean’s cock twitches with that. He keeps sucking that cock, being gentle but arousing. He keeps tracing with his tongue the salty skin, changing the angle so Cas can find it better.

Castiel comes and Dean swallows it all. He loves how Cas sounds when he says Dean’s name in the orgasm. Cas’ fingers relax on Dean’s hair, but they push Dean deeper. Dean keeps working with his mouth on Cas’ cock and when all the come is released, he pulls away with a wet sound.

Dean looks at Castiel, who has his eyes closed and his lips are parted; he is gasping, trying to get air in his lungs. When he opens his eyes, Cas makes a satisfactory smile and he cups Dean’s face. He guides Dean to sit on his lap. “You are awesome.” Castiel says and he kisses Dean.

“I know.” Dean says after the kiss. Castiel makes that too fucking cute smile that makes Dean smile; the one where those pretty crinkles on the corner of his eyes appear

“I want to apologize for being in that awful mood.” He starts to say.

“Don’t apologize, Cas. I know how bitchy family can get, trust me.” He presses his forehead with Castiel’s. “But at least you have this awesome guy.” He adds with a cocky grin.

Castiel rolls his eyes and then he kisses Dean. “Are you always this gullible?”

“Sometimes.”

Castiel laughs and he kisses Dean. _Bohemian Rhapsody_ is starting to play. “Why did you choose this record?” He asks into Dean’s mouth.

“I was looking for a raucous song, and Crazy Little Thing Called Love was perfect for my not so called dancing I did.” He explains. Castiel smiles at that. “And I like Queen.”

“Who doesn’t like Queen?” He asks and then he starts to sing the song in a low voice. He has a rough voice, but Dean likes it. Of course, it isn’t a powerful and wonderful voice as the one Freddie Mercury has, but it is a nice voice.

Dean joins the singing and Castiel dedicates him a happy smile. Both of them sing the whole song, in a low voice, but loud enough to hear each other. Dean likes this. Just sitting on Cas’ lap and singing with him. It seems so natural and so heartwarming. He has never felt like this with anyone. He is so fucking comfortable and he feels great when he is with Cas. Charlie was right; Dean really likes Cas. And this is starting to be something else for him, and it shouldn’t.

But Dean doesn’t even try at all to fight all of that. He is Cas’ whore and he has that stuck on his mind. It is in capital letters. But he isn’t just that, right? He is something more. Something nameless, something complicated that he isn’t too sure what it is. Cas told him that he cared about him too. And Dean knows that Cas is well aware about this strange relationship they have. He is sure that Cas likes him, otherwise he wouldn’t be paying Dean for this. Both of them have crossed the line of client and whore. Now it is messy and blurry.

They aren’t in love, Dean knows that, but this mess isn’t only a client and whore relationship. There’s something else. It is complicated but nice. As long as they don’t get to the feelings part, and Dean is sure that they aren’t going to get there, it is fine. So why should he worry about all of this? He likes Cas, Cas likes him, they have fun and Cas pays him to have sex with him. And yes, sometimes they have a thing that can be called friendship, but that’s all. Dean should stop overthinking and enjoy his job.

Castiel closes his eyes and he chuckles. Dean gets away from all his thoughts with that wonderful sound and he joins Cas’ chuckles. Then, Cas leans into Dean’s lips and he kisses him sweetly.

“How about we go to the bedroom?” Castiel suggests nibbling Dean’s lower lip.

“Sounds good.” Dean says.

Castiel nods. Dean stands up and so does Castiel, who walks towards the record player to pick up the record. Maybe Castiel is in a better mood and Dean managed to make him forget, but not completely. Dean can see that Cas tonight isn’t as full of energy, desire and lust as always. But at least he looks much better than when Dean saw him behind the main door.

“Come on.” Castiel says grabbing Dean’s wrist and pulling him towards the bedroom. Once they are there, Castiel speaks. “Sit on the bed, on your knees, facing the headboard.”

Dean nods and he does that as Cas puts the record back in its place. He looks at Cas taking off his t-shirt. Dean looks at him with desire, seeing how the skin is revealed as Cas takes off his t-shirt. Castiel catches Dean looking at him and he smiles shyly. Dean turns his sight to the mattress. Then, he feels the mattress moving under him when Castiel is on it, in the same stance as Dean.

Castiel starts to kiss Dean’s nape and he embraces Dean’s hips tightly. “You can look me as much as you want, Dean.” Castiel whispers into Dean’s ear. “I like it when you look at me.” He sounds so needy. His hands move up on Dean’s chest, spreading his warmth on Dean’s skin. “I like the way you look at me, Dean.” He presses his chest to Dean’s back closer and Dean gasps.

Castiel moves one of his hands to Dean’s cock and he grabs it. “Cas—” Dean moans.

“I like it when you moan my name.” Castiel says. His fingers make circles around the head of Dean’s cock. His other hand cups Dean’s chin and he turns his face, so their eyes meet. Dean can see a tiny blue circle around those widened pupils. Castiel kisses him sweetly but needy. “I like it when you kiss me back.”

Castiel pulls his hands away from Dean. There’s the sound of a bottle being opened; Dean didn’t see or realize that Cas picked lube. He must have picked a condom as well. Dean figures out that Cas is putting on the condom and spreading the lube on his cock and on his hand. Then, Dean feels a kiss in between his blades before he feels Cas’ finger getting inside his hole. The second joins that one soon.

“I like how tight you are here.” Castiel says. Dean moans and he tilts his head back. “I like feeling it with my fingers and I like it even more when I feel it with my cock and you clench around me.” He presses another kiss on Dean’s back, in between his blades.

Dean moans louder when those fingers touch his prostate. The third finger comes in easily and so does the fourth finger. As Cas opens him up and his fingers touch his prostate, Dean moans harder and needy, rocking his hips slightly and fucking into the fingers. He needs Cas inside him, removing that emptiness.

“Cas— please, I need you inside me—” Dean moans. “I’m ready, Cas—”

With his free hand, Castiel turns Dean’s face and he kisses him. They breathe from each other’s breathings and they look at their eyes intensely for some moments. Dean closes his eyes and tilts his head back when those fingers touch that wonderful spot. “I’m taking care of you, Dean.” Castiel whispers as he gets out his fingers. He kisses Dean again, this time briefly and he places his hands on Dean’s hipbones.

Dean feels how Cas pushes his cock in and Dean fucks into it desperate. Castiel starts to fuck him, harder than usually, but it feels good. Dean gasps, moans and groans, at different times and at the same time. Castiel presses his fingers tighter on Dean’s skin as he keeps fucking him with hard and steady thrusts. Dean can feels his raggedy breathing on his nape.

Unconsciously, Dean places his hands on Cas’ butt cheeks and he digs his nails on the tender and soft skin when Cas’ cock touches his prostate. Dean makes a guttural moan and Castiel makes a similar moan when Dean clenches his hole. Dean feels how Cas starts to drag his teeth on his back, without stopping his wonderful hard thrusts. Dean rocks his hips, fucking into that cock that sends pleasure to every small part of his body, finding a rhythm with Cas.

Dean’s legs are trembling and his knees hurt, even if they are leaning on the mattress, but Cas is fucking him heavily and it is quite hard to stay in that stance. But Dean keeps standing like that. Cas nibbles his neck and then his earlobe. His hips keeps hitting Dean, making pornographic sounds mixed with their moans. Dean moans extremely loud Cas’ name when that sweet spot is hit.

His cock is twitching and he can feel that Cas’ is it too. Dean is about to come, and by the sounds Cas is making, Cas is close as well. But Dean wants to last more, he wants to feel Cas’ cock inside him, pushing in and out of him, hitting that wonderful spot again and again, because this is too fucking awesome.

After some thrusts, Dean finally comes and he becomes boneless and his legs become jelly. He cries out a loud orgasm with Cas’ name muffled on it. He feels as starts were crashing behind his eyeballs. Cas comes almost instantly and holy shit, Dean loves how his name sounds on Cas’ lips when he orgasms. Dean’s whole body is shaking and he leans over the bed. Cas’ hands tighten Dean and he lets himself fall with Dean.

Dean can feel Cas breathing heavily. He has his forehead pressed where Dean’s back begins. Dean moves his hands away from Cas’ butt cheeks; he is sure he left him bruises on that pretty nice ass of his, but Cas doesn’t seem to care. It feels as if no one of them had breathed for years and as if they weren’t going to be able to move for centuries.

Castiel gets out of Dean, who thinks Cas might have thrown away the condom, but he isn’t sure; he is still panting and his eyes are closed. What Dean knows is that Cas kisses his back and presses his cheek on it. He even embraces tightly Dean’s waist.  
It takes them a little to catch their breathings. Dean can feel Cas’ soft breathing on his back and it is warm and nice. “Dean.” Castiel murmurs and his voice sounds a bit heartbreaking. Why?

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean asks a bit breathless.

Castiel takes a deep breath and he presses himself even more on Dean. “Can you stay with me tonight? I want you to sleep with me if you can.” He asks. He sounds so shy and needy. There’s some heartbreaking tune in his voice.

“Yes. I can.” Dean says. He wants to. Not only because he knows that Cas is wrecked tonight, but also because he kind of has wanted to sleep with him since a couple of weeks.

“Really?” He says nuzzling Dean’s back.

“Yes, Cas. But I need to text Sam. I don’t wanna worry him, y’know?” Dean mumbles against the mattress.

“Okay.” He kisses Dean’s back and pulls away. “I’ll clean you and then, text Sam.” He says as he looks into the drawer for a wet wipe.

Castiel cleans Dean’s first. Dean walks towards the living room and he looks into his jeans pocket for his mobile phone. He texts Sam:

_**Stayin at Cas’. Don’t wait for me. See you tomorrow** _

Dean switches off his mobile, he puts it back in his jeans’ pocket and he walks towards Cas’ bedroom. Cas is already in bed and Dean gets in it. He switches off the lights and Castiel approaches him and he embraces him. He buries his face on the crook of Dean’s neck. Dean is shocked by this; he hasn’t cuddled with anyone in years, and even less with a client, but he holds Cas tightly.

“You okay, Cas?” Dean asks.

Castiel inhales sharply. “Yes.” He answers. Dean glares him, although Cas can’t see him too well in the darkness of the bedroom, but he still glares him. “Well, not exactly.”

“Do you wanna talk?” He says as he combs that black mess of hair.

“Not really.” He presses himself on Dean.

“Whatever crap your family has told you, it isn’t true. You are fucking great Cas.” Dean says. He isn’t sure what happened during that lunch, but Dean has a suspicion that his family might have told him awful things. “Don’t give a shit about any crap they tell you. You are fucking awesome, Cas.”

“Thank you, Dean.” He says looking at Dean. He places his hand on Dean’s cheek and he kisses him. It is a lovely kiss, all fond and thankful; they have never kissed like that. “Thank you.” He repeats. “For everything.”

“You are welcome Cas.” Dean says. He steals him a sweet little kiss. “Just sleep, okay? You need it.” He suggests. Castiel nods and he places himself where he was; embracing Dean, as if he was afraid of Dean leaving the bed and burying his face on the crook of Dean’s neck. And Dean feels too fucking awesome with this cuddling. “Goodnight, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

 

Dean is the first to wake up. The sunlight that leaks through the blinds woke him up. It is passed ten o’clock in the morning. Cas is still sleeping, in his arms and Dean really likes this. He combs Cas’ hair slowly and he closes his eyes. He is too comfortable and warm right now. He won’t get out of the bed until Cas wakes up.

This isn’t like the first time they sleep together. But this time they are pressed together, they are hugging and they don’t have any rush because Dean doesn’t have to go to the university and Cas doesn’t have to go to the hospital. This is awesome. Dean likes this feeling and this calm. If he could, he would stay in Cas’ bed with him all the nights he has to work.

Castiel moves slightly and Dean opens his eyes. Cas opens his lazily and Dean smiles at him. The first and last time they slept together, Dean didn’t have the chance to appreciate how adorable Cas looks just woken up. But now he can and he loves it.

“Hey.” Dean greets with a wide smile. When was the last time he smiled like this when he woke up?

“Hey.” Castiel says with a shy smile. “You stayed.” He moves his head until it is on the pillow and he can see Dean’s face properly.

“Of course I stayed.” Dean says. Did Cas think that Dean was going to leave the moment he woke up? If Dean had slept with anyone else he might have done it, but not to Cas. “I didn’t want to miss your grumpy cute face when you woke up.”

Castiel chuckles shyly and he buries his face on the pillow for a moment, trying to hide away his blush. Then he looks at Dean and he kisses him sweetly and lazily. “You are an assbutt.”

“But you like me.”

“I do.” He says with a genuine smile. Something warm inside Dean starts to spread quickly and it feels great. “Dean, I’m sorry about how I was last night, I was—” But Dean interrupts him with a kiss.

“Don’t apologize Cas. We all got our good and bad days. You are better now, right?” He can see that Cas is better. There isn’t any trace of that sadness in his face. Dean can see the Cas he knows, that cute shy and happy man he adores.

“Right.” Castiel answers blushing a little. It should be forbidden to look this adorable.

“That’s what matters.” Dean kisses him again and Castiel places his hands above Dean’s nape. “Do you want me to make you breakfast?”

“I would love that.” He says enthusiastic. “But first, why don’t we take a shower?”

Dean looks at him impressed. Taking a shower with Cas; it sounds too great. “Yeah.” He says excited.

Castiel chuckles and he and Dean get out of the bed and they walk towards the bathroom. They get into the shower; Dean loves that shower; the water temperature and pressure is fucking awesome. But he isn’t paying too much attention to that when Castiel starts to kiss him in a dirty way. He threw himself at Dean so hard that Dean almost fell down. He kisses Cas back, twirling his tongue with his. It doesn’t take too much until they go beyond kisses and they stroke their cocks together, feeling how they rub with every stroke they do with their fists. They come at the same time and after that, they take a proper shower.

When they finish, they dry with those wonderful soft towels Cas has. Dean guesses that they must be expensive, but they feel great and they dry quickly. When they are dried Dean goes towards the living room, where his clothes are and Cas goes towards his bedroom. When Dean is fully dressed, he goes towards the kitchen and he starts to prepare breakfast.

Castiel arrives not so later after that and he starts to prepare coffee. “Are you going to do those wonderful pancakes?” Castiel asks curious.

Dean smirks. “Yeah. And some bacon with scrambled eggs.”

“Sounds delicious.” Castiel says happily.

As Dean keeps preparing breakfast, Castiel doesn’t take his eyes of him; Dean can see it from the corner of his eyes. They talk about some random things, from Cas’ work and Dean’s studies to Dean trying to convince Cas to start watching _Game of Thrones._

When breakfast is served, Cas has a happy face on him. And when he eats what Dean has prepared, he fucking moans. Dean doesn’t know how he isn’t getting half hard by just hearing Cas, because holy shit, the pleased moans he is making with Dean’s food are so arousing.

“Dean, seriously, you cook extraordinarily good.” Castiel says when he has finished.

“Thanks.” Dean says shyly and smiling. “By the moans you made, I guess you love it.” He teases.

Cas blushes almost instantly. “Sorry. I’m not used to eat food as good as this.” He stands up and he starts to clear the table. Dean helps him. “Thank you for the breakfast.”

“You’re welcome.” Dean says smiling. He walks towards the armchair and he puts on his leather jacket. “Well, I’ll see you next week.”

“Yes. See you.” Castiel says walking next to him to the main door. “Once again, thank you for everything.”

“Cas, you don’t—” But Castiel shushes him with a sweet kiss. Dean looks at him a bit puzzled.

Cas smiles. “Just shut up.” He says with a wide smile.

Dean kisses him impulsively, because he wants and needs to kiss that gorgeous smile. He shouldn’t be doing this, but there he is, and Cas isn’t pulling way or anything, so Dean just keeps kissing him. Cas is driving him crazy little by little and Dean doesn’t seem to care too much.

“See you, Cas.” Dean says.

“See you, Dean.” Castiel says with a lovely voice and he closes the door.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that you are all enjoying this so much *-* Thanks a lot for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :)

Dean stands up from the kitchen table to bring the pie they are having as a dessert. He made it specifically for tonight, because Bobby was coming over to have dinner with him and Sam. Sometimes they invite Bobby to have dinner; after everything that old man has done for them, it’s the less they can do. It’s been years since Dean bought this house, but before that, he and Sam lived with Bobby, and he gave them food and he even gave Dean a job so Dean could buy this house. Bobby has been more than a father than John. Bobby has been there with them whenever they needed it, in the good and bad moments, and he will always be.

“Oh boy.” Bobby says impressed when he looks at the pie. “I should’ve left some place for this.”

Dean chuckles. “You know I always make a pie for you. It’s the tradition.”

“Yeah, but ya always cook all those great things before that ya make me forget about your pie.” He says serving himself a big slice of pie. Sam and Dean chuckle and they look at each other amused. Bobby is almost full, but he still serves a too fucking big slice of pie. “What?”

“Weren’t you too full?” Sam says sassy.

“You’re never too full for Dean’s pie.” He says with an obvious look. The brothers laugh and they serve each other some slice of pie. Of course, their slices are thinner that Bobby’s. “I don’t know why don’t ya quit that job of yours and start a bakery. Ya’ll get rich.”

“They pay great at the bar.” Dean says casually.

“And there he sees Cas.” Sam says with a mischievous smile.

Dean glares him; freaking Sam. Bobby’s brows knit together in a frown. “Who’s Cas?” Bobby asks confused.

“A guy I’m seeing.” Dean simply answers. He knows that Sam thinks that he and Cas aren’t just fuck buddies; he must think that he and Dean are boyfriends or something. It is better that he thinks that than the truth.

“The guys who let you those things on your neck?”

Dean blushes a little as Sam looks at Bobby surprised. “Yeah.” Dean confesses. He is going to kill his little brother for bringing up the topic. Sam and Charlie know more than they should about Cas, like his name and what he works for. He doesn’t want Bobby to know about him too. They are all going to see that Dean and Cas aren’t a temporary thing, because Dean is going to work for him for as long as Cas wants, and his family is going to be interested on knowing him, and there’s no way he is going to let that happen.

“You knew about him?” Sam asks confused.

“I saw the marks on his neck and asked him.” Bobby says pointing at Dean with the fork. “Said he was just a guy.” He kind of glares Dean.

Dean makes an acid smile. “We’re fuck buddies.”

Bobby makes a disgusted face and Sam starts to laugh. “Didn’t need to know that idjit.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Why don’t we talk about Sam’s girlfriend Jess?” He says trying to change the subject.

Sam blushes a lot. “She’s not my girlfriend!” He exclaims nervously. Dean laughs. Jess isn’t Sam’s girlfriend. Yet. But Sam is always talking about her lately and Dean knows that his little brother has a big crush on her. Dean hasn’t seen her in person, but for all Sam says, she sounds awesome. It would be great if Sam finally nut up and told her to date him. “That’s for telling about Cas, huh?”

“Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.” Dean smirks.

“Almost forgot what it was like to have dinner with you two, kids.” Bobby says nostalgic.

“You know you can come here any time you want, Bobby. This is your home too.” Sam says with a smile.

“He’s right.” Dean agrees. “We would like to see you more, but both of us are pretty busy. But if you wanna come here, you are welcome.”

“Thanks, but if I keep coming here more often, I’m gonna get too freaking fat because of Dean’s cooking.” Bobby says standing up. Dean rolls his eyes. “Well, must go. Tomorrow it’s Friday and I have to wake up early for work.” He says as he walks towards the door. Dean and Sam follow him with their sights. “See ya boys.”

“See you, Bobby.” Dean and Sam say at the same time.

Bobby waves his hand and he leaves the house. Dean stretches his arms and he makes a soft lazy groan. “You clean the dishes?” Dean asks.

“Yeah. After all that food you made, it’s my turn in the kitchen.” Sam says standing up and picking the stained dishes.

“Okay.” He looks at his mobile phone. It is still quite early to go to bed, so he decides to sit on the couch and switch on the TV. They are playing _Die Hard_ , so Dean decides to leave it.

Sam comes to the couch and he sits next to Dean. He also rests his feet on the coffee table. “Why do you get so shy when we talk about Cas?” He asks casually.

Dean rolls his eyes. He really doesn’t want to talk about that. His life is complicated. He is a whore. He likes Cas. He has to lie to his family and friends. He doesn’t need his little brother to push anything on him. Dean understands Sam’s curiosity, but please, he could just let it go. Dean just puffs. “Can you just stop asking about him?”

“Why?”

“Because there’s nothing to talk about it. We are just fuck buddies.” He answers casually.

“Yeah, sure.” He says sarcastically as his lips draw that smartass acid smile of his.

Dean tilts his head back and he inhales sharply. “All right, just let it out, Sammy.” He is going to regret hearing what Sam is about to say, but it is the only thing that will make his brother shut up about Cas’ topic. He has been quiet about it for weeks. Dean was wondering when Sam would bring up the topic.

“You obviously like him.” Sam starts to say.

“If I didn’t like him I wouldn’t be fucking him.” Actually, he should say he wouldn’t let Cas fuck him, but the less details he says, the better.

Sam rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean. I can see he isn’t just a fuck buddy.” He says seriously. Dean keeps staring at the TV, avoiding his little brother’s eyes. Sam is seventeen years old, but when he talks, Dean could say that he is older. Older than Dean. Truth is that Sam is the emotionally grown up of the two of them. It isn’t that Dean isn’t mature, it is that he is an emotionally mess most of the time. “You have never been with the same person, ever. Just some one night stands, and that’s all. And suddenly, you meet this guy and you are seeing him almost every week.”

 _All the weeks_. Dean thinks. Then, Dean sighs. “And?” He says turning his face to look at his brother.

Sam exhales irritated. “And, that you want something else than a fuck buddy. I can see it on you. I can tell by the way you look when you talk about him.”

Dean makes a disgusted face. His brother gets too sappy sometimes. “Whatever Sammy.” He mutters. Sam is about to say something, but Dean interrupts him. “Enough with the chick-flick.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Sam’s mobile phone rings and both of them look at it confused. Dean peeks an eye on the name that appears on the screen. It reads ‘John’. Sam and Dean look at each other before they look back at the mobile phone. “Should I answer?”

“No. But if you want to, go ahead.” Dean says. He really doesn’t want to know about his father right now.

“I don’t want to.” Sam grunts. “He must be drunk and feeling lonely.”

“Yeah.” He says shifting on the couch. It isn’t a usual thing, but sometimes, when John drinks a lot and he feels lonely, and some fake guilt comes to him, he decides to call one of his sons. And the conversations always end up bad, with a lot of yelling and with a lot of anger.

The phone keeps ringing for a while until it stops. Then, Sam switches it off. “I really hope he doesn’t show up.”

“Yeah, I don’t want another wound.” Dean says with a grimace. He still remembers the last one. He remembers all of them. He remembers every time John came drunk and he got angry with Dean and he hit him. There have been a lot of nights like that; more than Dean wants to remember.

 

Dean is driving towards Cas’ apartment, like every single Friday night. Suddenly, his phone rings, so he decides to stop the car to avoid any fine or a car accident. He knows who is calling. He woke up today with five missing calls of his dad. He is still going to keep calling until Sam or Dean pick up the phone. He should ignore him, but Dean doesn’t want to worry about his stupid father while he is with Cas, so he decides to pick up the damn phone.

“What?!” Dean says angrily. He is too tired of his father. He just wants the father he knew before his mother died, not this broken shell of a man he father has become. Dean has tried to help him, and Sam, and Bobby, and all of them failed. Dean has suffered a lot, and he is tired of trying. If John doesn’t want to get better, then, no one can make anything.

“ _Don’t talk to me like that, Dean._ ” John says threatening. Dean can hear in his voice that he is drunk. When isn’t he drunk? Dean can barely remember a sober John. It seems like it was from a dream he had a long time ago. “ _Why weren’t you or Sam answering?_ ”

“Because we didn’t wanna talk to you.” Dean says cold and angry. He knows he shouldn’t be like this with his father, but after all that man has put Dean through, Dean can’t help being like this. “You only call when you are drunk and you feel lonely, then you start being a dick again and you leave us pissed off.”

“ _Who are you calling a dick? I didn’t raise you to talk to me like this!_ ”

Dean lets out an acid laugh. “That’s because you didn’t raise me at all!” He snaps. “Bobby raised me and Sammy! You just were some stranger that appeared once in a while, fucking drunk and that always liked to hit me for whatever reason your brain liked!”

“ _Don’t you dare to say I didn’t raise you! You are my son! I raised you!_ ”

“Yeah, you raised me for a few years. When mom was still alive.” He feels some tears on his eyes, but he holds them. He doesn’t want to cry right now.

“ _Don’t bring Mary into this!_ ” He warns with a voice full of rage.

“You weren’t the only one who lost her.” He mutters. His body is tensed and it is getting hot with rage. “And I know that I lost my father that night too.”

“ _What the hell are you talkin’ about?!_ ”

Dean exhales sharply, feeling his shaky breath. He looks up, trying to hold his tears. “Since she died, you stopped being our father! You were more like some commander! Look at yourself! Look at the things you have done to us! Look at all the things you’ve done to me!” He yells frustrated. He has still too many things locked inside him and he is letting them out right now. “What kind of father are you? And you still wonder why Sam and me try to avoid you?!” He lets out a sour chuckle. “Leave us alone. We made our life and not thanks to you. You never cared, so stop pretending that you do.”

“ _Dean, take all that back._ ” John warns furious.

“No.”

“ _Dean!_ ” John yells angrier than ever. “ _How can you say all of that?! Who do you think you are?! You are just nothing Dean! Nothing! Ya hear me?! I wish I never had you! I’m ashamed of you! I wish you died instead of Mary!_ ”

“I know.” Dean simply says with pain. He knows that John is telling the truth, that he wishes all those things. “And now, I gotta go to work. Because someone has to take care of my life and Sammy’s. And I know that’s not you.” And he hangs up.

Dean smashes the wheel several times and he lets out frustrated and painful sounds that were stuck in his throat. He closes his eyes and lets a few tears out, feeling how they turn cold as they fall down his face. He breathes in a shaky way for a couple of times. He needs to calm down before he arrives to Cas’ apartment.

When he feels calmed down, he drives to Cas’ apartment. When he is in the front door and Cas opens the door and Dean sees him, with his waistcoat, his white shirt, his black dress pants, with that messy hair and those beautiful blue eyes, Dean feels better, as if all that shit he had faded away. And Dean can’t help making a warm smile.

“Dean, are you okay?” Castiel asks with a worried frown.

“I am now.” Dean simply says. And he truly is.

Castiel tilts his head in confusion and he lets Dean in. He looks at Dean, who knows that Cas wants to ask, but Cas finally shakes his head and walks towards the living room, and Dean follows him. Castiel sits on the armrest of the couch as Dean starts to take off his clothes in front of him. As he does that, he can’t take his eyes off Cas, because Dean loves too much how gorgeous Cas looks with a waistcoat.

“What?” Castiel asks with a cute smile.

“Waistcoats look great on you.” Dean answers.

Castiel’s cheeks are soon colored by that pretty blush Dean adores. “Thank you.” He says shyly.

Dean smiles and he keeps taking off his clothes in front of Cas. He always feels better when he is with Cas. He doesn’t know why, but the moment Cas opens that door and Dean sees him, Dean’s shit fades away instantly. He doesn’t know why and how. It must be those eyes or that sweet smile. Or anything. Just the fact that he is with Cas.

Dean feels Castiel’s hands being placed on his hipbones, approaching him so Castiel can kiss his tummy. Dean giggles a little and Castiel smiles against his skin. “How can you be so ticklish?” Castiel wonders.

Dean shrugs. “I don’t know.”

Castiel presses a kiss above his belly button and he looks at Dean’s body. His eyes start to trace the chaotic path of Dean’s freckles. Then, his fingers start to caress them and Dean feels a soft titillation as Cas’ fingers move on him. Castiel stands up and he cups Dean’s face to press a sweet kiss on his lips. When they pull away, Castiel is biting his lower lip and looking at Dean in a hussy way.

“I’ve got an idea.” Castiel starts to say. He pulls away from his dress pants pocket a black feather. He caresses Dean’s nose with it. “Can I tickle you with this?” He asks in an innocent way. How can he look so innocent?

Dean smiles. “Yeah.”

Castiel kisses him happily. “Good. Now lay down on the couch.”

Dean does it. Castiel kneels in front of the couch and he looks at Dean with his happy smile on his face. He kisses Dean’s arm and he starts to move the feather on Dean’s chest, tickle him a little, so Dean giggles. Then, Castiel moves the black feather to one of his nipples and he starts to make circles on it, so Dean shakes a little.

Castiel laughs brightly. “You are so cute when you giggle.”

Dean blushes a little. “And you are so cute when you laugh.” Those words make Castiel to blush a lot and Dean bites his lower lip as he sees how cute Cas looks with his cheeks that red. “And when you blush too.”

“I was wondering how long it would take you to say that.” He says meeting Dean’s eyes. Then, he moves the feather to Dean’s other nipple and Dean shakes a little and he giggles brightly. Castiel joins that giggle as well. “I should do this more to you.”

After the nipples, the black feather traces down Dean’s chest until it arrives to the tummy. Dean giggles louder and he shakes more when Cas is tickling him there. That’s Dean’s weak spot and Castiel knows it. Dean knows his face is red of giggling so much, but it is worth it, because Cas looks gorgeous with that beautiful smile on his face and with those too adorable crinkles on the corner of his eyes.

The feather arrives to the inner of his thighs and Dean keeps giggling and shaking his body, although not as much as when Cas was tickling his tummy. And when Castiel is done, he presses a wet kiss on one of Dean’s thighs before he rests his chin on it.  
Castiel looks at Dean with lovely eyes. “You are beautiful.”

“You tell me that almost every night.” Dean says with a smirk. He isn’t used to hear that word. Men always said Dean was a pretty boy, but no one ever said the word beautiful.

Castiel chuckles. “Because it is true. You are really beautiful.” He presses another kiss on the same spot he did before. His fingers start to walk on Dean, who chuckles softly. “Want to go to the bedroom?” He asks. Dean nods.

Castiel stands up and Dean does the same. Before they walk towards the bedroom, Castiel draws Dean into a kiss, a dirty and breathless one and Dean has to fist the waistcoat to not let himself fall or something. Then, Castiel chuckles and pulls Dean by grabbing his wrist. Cas is smiling and he looks at Dean with those pretty eyes of his.

When they arrive to the bedroom, Castiel kisses him again, but this time is gently and sweetly. When their mouths are no longer together, Dean can see that wonderful sweetness mixed with some lust in his eyes. Why does Castiel look at him like that? As if Dean was someone really important?

_You are just nothing, Dean! Nothing!_

John’s words come back to Dean and he suddenly feels sick. It isn’t the time to think about that. Not right now. Why is he thinking about that? Cas is right now taking his clothes fast and eagerly in front of Dean, and Dean is just thinking about his father’s words.

_I wish I never had you! I’m ashamed of you!_

Dean knows his father would be more than ashamed if he knew what Dean does for living. Dean feels terribly bad right now. He feels sick and dizzy and his chest aches. He doesn’t want to think about John and his words. He feels suffocated. He knows that John was right, he is nothing, he is someone to be ashamed of, he is just a fucking whore that won’t be anything in this life.

_I wish you died instead of Mary!_

Sometimes Dean wishes it was like that. That he was the one who died instead of Mary. That the crappiest son on earth died instead of the best mother that this world has ever seen.

Castiel kisses him and Dean kisses him back in a hard way, desperate and needy. He doesn’t deserve Cas’ gentle and sweet touches, he deserves something hard and painful. That’s what he deserves, that’s what life is always giving him, so he should just take it and accept it. It is what Dean deserves, for being too much crap, for not being a decent person.

Soon Dean is pushed down the mattress and Castiel kisses him in a passionate way, but Dean still insists of kissing him hard. He can’t take Cas’ sweetness, he can’t, he doesn’t deserve it. He knows that Cas notices it and Cas keeps insisting on kissing Dean like always, not hard enough for Dean, but Dean doesn’t want that tonight. He knows he isn’t the one paying for this, that he should do what Cas wants, but Dean wants it hard and painful for tonight. He needs it, he deserves it.

Castiel then starts to drag his teeth on Dean’s soft neck, but it isn’t hard enough for Dean. He grunts and he tilts his head to one side, hoping that Cas would take advantage of the exposed skin and drag his teeth on his skin harder; but he doesn’t. And Dean groans desperately.

He doesn’t open his eyes for a moment. He doesn’t want to look at Cas’ eyes. He can’t look at those stunning blue eyes right now because those eyes look at him as if Dean was actually someone worthy and someone special, and he isn’t. Dean needs to be hated, to be just some sexual object for Cas, nothing else. He isn’t thinking properly, he kind of knows it, but he doesn’t care. He just wants to be wasted and wrecked.

Castiel kisses him again; it is an open mouthed kiss and Dean tries again to be it harder, and Castiel pulls away and he cups Dean’s face, but Dean doesn’t open his eyes. He knows he will see Cas’ worried eyes and he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve Cas’ worry and attention and care.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Castiel asks really worried. Dean just grunts. “Look at me.”

“No.” Dean says squeezing his eyes harder.

“Dean, what the hell?” Now Castiel sounds frustrated. “Why are you like this tonight?”

“Just make it hard, Cas.” Dean says needy. He is almost begging. He is pathetic. He moves one of Cas’ hands to his nipple and he makes Cas to twist it painfully. “Make it hurt. I need it.” He says with a heartbreaking voice.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” He sounds more worried than angry.

“Cas— please.” Dean grunts angrily. “Make it hurt, make it hard. Don’t treat me like this!” He says angrily and frustrated. He is being a terrible whore, why doesn’t Cas want to punish him or something? Dean rocks his hips desperate. “Hurt me Cas! Please!”

“You want it to hurt?” Castiel says angrily. Dean can’t see him, but he knows that Cas must be looking really pissed off. “You want this?” He asks as he twists Dean’s nipple painfully. Dean nods effusively. “I’ll give you that.” He adds with a really furious voice.

Dean feels Cas rolling him, until he is on his stomach. Then, he feels Castiel’s nails scratching his back. That’s what Dean was looking for, this pain, this rage, this nonexistent compassion for him, hurting his body, because it is all Dean deserves. He feels Cas’ nails digging deeper on his sensitive skin and Dean cries out a moan. After that, Castiel moves away, Dean knows he is grabbing the lube and the condom. Cas starts to finger Dean, pushing his fingers inside in hard and painful movements, and Dean fucks into them. Castiel moves his fingers in an angry and hard way, not being as sweet as he usually is.

Finally, Castiel, after pulling his fingers out of Dean, starts to fuck Dean painfully and hard. Dean presses his forehead on the mattress and he fists the sheets because it burns in a sore way, but he keeps fucking into Cas. The thrusts are hard, quick and painful; Dean can feel Cas’ hips colliding on his butt. Cas’ fingers are pressed on Dean’s sides and they will leave bruises, but Dean doesn’t care, because this is the pain he deserves.

Dean cries out moans, when Cas’ cock hits his prostate in a quite painful way. Castiel shakes his body without any care at all, as if Dean was just a body. And Dean likes that this is being like this, that this pain and this hate is focused on him, that he is receiving this because it is how it should be.

Dean is going to be sore the whole week, and he is glad about it. He will have a reminder of the crap he is, of the things he deserves. He fucks harder into Cas because Dean wants it to hurt more and he hears Cas’ frustrated and angry groans, but he fucks Dean harder, being almost unbearable, but Dean doesn’t stop him for a moment and neither does Cas.

Both of them come at the same time and Dean starts to tremble. He doesn’t know when he starts to cry. He is sure that after this, Cas is going to fire him. Why did he have to pay all his low esteem with Cas? Cas hasn’t done anything bad to him and Dean has forced Cas to do this. What the hell was he thinking about? He wasn’t thinking. And now, he is falling apart like the pathetic little shit he is.

“Hey.” Castiel whispers softly into Dean’s ear. Dean doesn’t know when Cas got away from him and he embraced with one of his arms Dean’s waist. Maybe when Dean started to cry. “It’s okay, Dean.” Castiel whispers in that lovely voice of his. He presses a kiss on Dean’s temple.

“Sorry, Cas” Dean starts to say in between sobs. Castiel starts to comb his hair. He should hate him for what Dean has done and not take care of him like this. “I didn’t—” He tries to say, but his sobs make it hard to Dean to speak. “I’m sorry.”

Castiel kisses his temple again. “It’s okay, Dean. Don’t worry, I’m here.” He murmurs. “I’ve got you Dean.” He means it; Dean can tell it by the sweetness of his voice.

“I’m so sorry Cas.” Dean keeps crying. His whole body is trembling, but Cas is still holding him, combing his hair in that calming way, and it is helping more than anything. “You should hate me.” He turns his face and opens his eyes to see Cas’, which aren’t angry; they are worried and sympathetic.

“I don’t.” He kisses Dean’s lips. It just a brief kiss, but it is a tender one. “Just vent yourself for as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.” His hands caress Dean’s sides, soothing him.

Dean closes his eyes and lets the warm tears fall down on his face, getting cold as they get down on his cheeks. He keeps sobbing in a broken way. Castiel keeps holding him, whispering calming things and combing his hair. Dean’s body stops trembling after a while, and his sobs and his crying start to fade away.

“I don’t deserve any of your kindness, Cas.” Dean mumbles with wet eyes.

“You deserve it and you need it.” Castiel says nuzzling his hair. “I knew something wrong was going on with you when I opened the door, but then, you seemed fine when we were in the living room. I guess that something wrong came back to your mind and that’s why you have been like that.” He explains as he looks into Dean’s eyes. Dean just nods. “You started to kiss me like that and you couldn’t even open your eyes. Something wrong was going on.”

“Sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Cas.” Dean apologizes ashamed. Cas didn’t deserve any of that. If Dean wanted to feel pain, he could have done anything with any other person, not with Cas.

Castiel takes a deep breath. “Why did you do this?”

“I deserved pain.” Dean simply answers. He doesn’t avoid Cas’ eyes; they are calming him right now.

“How can you say that?” He looks terrified by the idea. Dean closes his eyes and he presses his forehead on Cas’. He feels Cas’ thumb caressing his cheek. Dean exhales sharply. “Dean, what happened?” He sounds desperate and really worried.

Dean opens his eyes. “I talked on the phone with my father.”

“Oh, crap.” He says devastated. “What did he tell you?” He asks desperate and frustrated.

“Just the truth.” Dean says moving his eyes away from Castiel’s. “That I was nothing, that he wished he never had me and that he was ashamed of me. That he wished I was dead instead of my mother.” Dean confesses with a heartbroken voice. Every time he remembers those words, they hurt and his heart aches.

“That’s all bullshit, and you know it!”

Dean lets out an acid chuckle. “Yeah, right.” He says sarcastically. He looks in a devastated and broken way at Cas. “I’m a fucking whore, Cas.”

“You aren’t just a fucking whore, Dean!” He says angrily. Dean can’t believe that Cas is saying that. “You are a prostitute, we both know that. But you are much more than that. You are smart, funny, a great brother, a great student, a hard working person, you are sweet, and nice, and you are always fighting. That’s a lot to be proud.”

“Cas—” He says breathy.

“Don’t believe what your father has said. You deserve more. You are awesome, as you would say.” There’s a small smile appearing on Dean’s lips with that. “Dean, you are wonderful. You have your demons, like anyone else. But you are great.” And Castiel kisses him in a fondly way.

“You are the awesome one.” Dean says. He kisses Cas briefly. “I’m so sorry for all of that it’s just that—”

“I know. Don’t worry.” He pets Dean’s hair in a sweet way. “You were falling apart and you needed to feel something hard and even painful. I gave you that because you were so desperate for that, because you couldn’t reason at that moment. If you had told me before, we would have avoided that and I would have comforted you.” He says with a soft voice. “It would have been better than that hard sex we had, don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” Dean inhales sharply. “I wasn’t thinking properly, I thought pain would make it go away easier. That it was what I deserved.” He looks down and then, he closes his eyes. Castiel kisses his forehead and Dean can’t help making a shy smile at that. He should have looked for Cas’ comfort. It feels better than the pain. “Do you forgive me?”

“Of course, Dean.” He stirs softly Dean’s hair. “But next time, don’t do that.”

“I won’t.” Dean says nodding and opening his eyes. “So, I am not fired?”

Castiel makes a sweet smile. “No, you aren’t.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “You are a fucking great guy.”

“I know.” Both of them chuckle softly. There’s a small silence after that. Dean is looking down and Castiel is still holding Dean and combing his hair with his fingers. “Do you want to spend the night here?”

Dean looks at Cas’ eyes. “Can I?” He wants to, he needs Cas right now. He doesn’t want to go back home, right now, he just wants to be somewhere where he feels good and safe, where nothing reminds him of John.

“Of course.”

“Then, I’ll stay.” Dean says with a tiny smile. “I should text Sam.” He says trying to stand up, but Cas stops him.

“I’ll bring you your phone. Don’t worry.” He kisses the back of Dean’s neck and he moves away. “But before that, we should clean.” And he hands Dean one wet wipe. Both of them clean and then, Castiel goes towards the living room.

“It is in my right pocket!” Dean shouts.

“Okay!”

Dean looks at the ceiling as he waits for Cas to come back with his phone. It has been a hard night, and yet, Cas has comforted him, he has talked to him, he has forgiven him and he is letting him to stay in his bed with him. How is Cas even real? If he was another guy, he would have kicked Dean out, he wouldn’t have cared about him. But Cas isn’t like anyone. Why is he so nice with Dean?

“Dean.” Castiel says. Dean shakes his head and he sees that Cas is sitting next to him. He was absorbed by his thoughts and he didn’t see Cas coming back. “What is it?” Castiel asks as he cups Dean’s face with one of his hands.

“Why are you like this with me, Cas?” Dean asks sounding more broken than ever.

“Because you are important to me, Dean.” He makes a genuine smile and he leans to kiss Dean. “Here.” He says handing Dean his mobile.

Dean grabs it. John hasn’t called him again or texted him, which is a huge relief. Dean then texts Sam.

_**Stayin at Cas’ again** _

Dean switches off his mobile and he leaves it on the bedside table. Cas is already in bed, waiting for him, so Dean just gets in the bed with Cas. He feels how Cas tugs him closer and he holds him tightly. Dean would usually feel confused about this, but right now, he needs to cuddle and to be in Cas’ safe and strong arms, so he buries his face in Cas’ neck and he embraces Cas too.

“Goodnight, Dean.” Castiel murmurs and he kisses Dean’s head.

“Goodnight, Cas.” Dean says taking a deep breath.

“And sweet dreams.”

 

Dean wakes up with Cas’ hand on his hair, running his fingers slowly and gently through them. Dean feels really warm and comfortable. If he could, he would sleep in Cas’ bed every night he has to come here to work. Every time he wakes up next to Cas, Dean feels great. He sleeps pretty good and waking up next to Cas, or in his arms like this morning, it is a wonderful and heartwarming sensation.

“G’morning” Dean mumbles and pulling his face away from Cas’ neck. He sees that Cas still has his eyes closed, but he makes a happy smile when he hears Dean’s voice.

“Good morning.” Castiel says. He opens slightly his eyes. Dean really adores how Cas looks when he just wakes up. He looks too adorable and cute and Dean wouldn’t mind waking him up by pressing short sweet little kisses on his face, making Cas to giggle. “Did you sleep well?” He asks rubbing his eye. Too adorable.

“Yeah, I did.” Dean says. Castiel moves closer and he kisses Dean, sweetly and lazily. Dean finds both of them smiling after the kiss. “Hey, Cas, listen, I’m sorry about last night.”

“Dean, you have apologized. It’s okay.”

“I know, but—” He takes a deep breath and he rubs his eyes. “I shouldn’t have done any of that, and I feel like shit for doing all of that. I’m sorry and ashamed and I want to apologize properly. I want to redeem myself.”

Castiel’s brows knit together in a frown. “What do you mean?”

Dean kisses him in a passionate way and he places himself above Cas. Dean feels Cas’ hands being placed on his blades. Dean cups Castiel’s face, feeling the stubble on his fingertips. He groans when Castiel’s tongue pushes deeper and then he smiles against the kiss. Dean rocks his hips, rubbing his cock against Castiel’s in a sweet but arousing way. Then, Dean goes to press kisses on Castiel’s neck.

“What do you have in mind?” Castiel asks gasping as he runs a bit desperate his fingers through Dean’s short hair.

“You’ll see.” Dean simply says.

Castiel makes a frustrated groan. “Dean—”

“You’ll see.” Dean repeats before kissing those wonderful lips.

Dean moves his mouth to one of Castiel’s nipples and he sucks it and licks it while one of his hands pinches the other one. Castiel moans in a too fucking sexy way and Dean can see from his eyelashes that his lips are parted and his eyes closed. Dean loves when he can leave Cas like that. He even smirks at the picture of Cas right now.

When both nipples are hard, Dean starts to press kisses down Cas’ chest, going to the tummy. Then, he starts to lick the head of Castiel’s hard cock and Castiel looks at him with lust and desire, biting his lower lip, telling Dean with his face to go ahead.  
Dean takes all of Castiel’s cock in his mouth and Castiel moans really loudly, he even rocks his hips needy and Dean has to place his hands on Cas’ hipbones to keep him in place. Castiel’s hands are soon on his hair, digging his nails on Dean’s scalp. Dean bobs his head, twirling his tongue on the shaft, changing his angles. Castiel moans his name and rocks his hips, fucking into Dean’s mouth and Dean moans.

“Dean— Love your mouth—” Castiel moans.

From his eyelashes, Dean can see how rapt Cas is right now. His body is arched, his eyes are closed, his chest moves up and down in a shaky way and his lips are parted and making a soft smile. Dean traces the swollen head of Cas’ cock with his tongue. He makes some circles on it before he presses quick kisses on the shaft. After that, he swallows the cock and he presses his lips harder, tightening them, making Cas to moan harder.

After a few moments, Dean starts to bob his head up and down faster, feeling how Cas digs his nails even more. It doesn’t take too long for Cas to come and moan Dean’s name. Dean swallows all that come enthusiastically and he hears Cas’ soft chuckle.

“I wouldn’t mind waking up like this.” Castiel says. Dean smiles and he gets his mouth away from Cas’ cock with a wet sound. Castiel pulls him into a kiss, tasting Dean’s mouth with his come and Dean moans. “That was a great blowjob.”

Dean smirks. “They are always great. Blowjobs are perfect for making up.”

Castiel chuckles. “You are right.” He kisses Dean again. “Although with breakfast it would have been enough.”

“Don’t you prefer a blowjob?” Dean teases as he bites his lower lip.

“Yes, I prefer it.” He laughs. “But I still have that wonderful breakfast you make, right?”

Dean chuckles. “Of course.”

“Great.” Castiel kisses him again. “You are hard.” He comments. Dean is about to say something but Cas interrupts him by fisting his cock. “Don’t say a word.” He says warning as he hand starts to stroke Dean’s cock.

Dean moans. “You don’t have to— oh!” He says when Castiel squeezes the head of his cock.

“I can stop if you want to.” Castiel teases with that arousing voice of his.

“Don’t you dare.”

Castiel chuckles and he kisses Dean. He keeps jerking off Dean, who fucks into the fist. Castiel tightens his grip and Dean moans harder. He keeps fucking into that fist for a while until he comes. He was near to come when he was blowing Cas; he didn’t need too much to come, but Cas jerking him off is always appreciated.

“Do you want to take a shower with me?” Castiel asks.

“Do you really have to ask that question?” Dean sassies with an arched brow.

Castiel laughs and he kisses him. Dean rolls and he gets up from the bed. “We do it to save water.” Castiel says as he stands up.

“Yeah, right.” He comments sarcastically.

Castiel places his hand on Dean’s waist and they walk together to the bathroom. “It’s one of the reasons. It isn’t the main one, but it is one of the reasons.” He says with a pout.

Dean laughs brightly with that. He really likes Cas. He likes him too much.

The shower consists on just a little of making out, no handjobs this time, and then, they wash. After that, Dean gets dressed on the living room, leaving his jacket and shirt on the armchair, and he starts to make breakfast.

While he is mixing the dough for the pancakes, Cas appears and he kisses Dean’s shoulder before placing his hands on Dean’s biceps. “You have really nice strong arms.” Castiel murmurs amused.

“Do you realize about them now?” Dean asks sassily. “You have seen me naked for a couple of months.”

“Yes, but when you are naked other parts of you call my attention.” He leans his chin on Dean’s shoulder and he looks at Dean shyly. Dean smiles and he kisses him fondly. “Want some coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Dean says as he keeps blending the dough.

“I can make a fruit salad if you want to. Just to ease the grease we are about to eat.” He comments as he puts on the coffee machine.

“Okay.” Dean says. Cas is right; it will be good for both of them to eat some fruit for breakfast. Pancakes and bacon aren’t exactly too healthy. But they are too fucking delicious.

As Dean starts to make the pancakes, Castiel starts to peel some fruits, like pear, peaches, kiwi and strawberries. Dean is a bit surprised that he has some of those fruits. It is autumn, and some of those fruits, like strawberries, are more from spring. He guesses that Cas might have bought them in one of those expensive markets that have all the fruits every single season of the year.

As they are like this, Dean feels very homey. It feels so natural for Dean to be making breakfast with Cas in his apartment. Dean has never done anything like this with a client before. He has never had anything of this strange thing he and Cas have. Dean should be panicking or worrying, but he isn’t; he likes this. He likes the idea of waking up next to Cas in the morning and making breakfast with him. He shouldn’t; he is Cas’ whore, but Dean feels great when he is like this with Cas, when it isn’t only about sex.

“How are you feeling?” Castiel asks as he washes the knife and his hands. Dean wakes up from his thoughts and he keeps his concentration on the pancake.

“Better. Thanks to you.” Dean answers.

Castiel dedicates him a tender shy smile and he kisses Dean’s cheek. “I’m glad that you are better.” He says with an innocent and adorable voice and Dean can’t fight the urge to kiss him sweetly.

Castiel blushes a little and he pulls away. Dean keeps making breakfast as he feels something really warm and nice spreading in his chest, taking over him slowly. He looks from the corner of his eyes to Cas, who is leaning on the counter and drinking his coffee. Dean definitely wouldn’t mind doing this more often. Fuck, he really likes Cas.

When Dean has the pancakes and the bacon, they both eat. They talk about some books they are reading and then about some of their favorite parts of Vonnegut’s books. Dean is more than glad to know that Cas shares his passion for Vonnegut and he loves discussing his works with Cas.

Dean stands up and he grabs his shirt and his jacket after helping Cas to put all the dishes in the dishwasher machine. After that, both of them walk towards the main door.

“I’ll see you tonight, right?” Castiel asks with that hopeful sight of his.

“Of course. And I promise you I won’t be like I was last night.” Dean says still feeling ashamed about his behavior.

“Would you be like this morning?” He asks blushing a little and smiling in a naïve way.

“Yeah.” He says with a proud pout.

Castiel chuckles and he cups Dean’s face. He kisses him in a sweet and fondly way. It has been almost a month since Cas kissed him before Dean left. “See you tonight, Dean.”

Dean cups Cas’ face, without thinking what the hell he is doing, and he kisses Cas eagerly but sweetly. He can’t resist kissing Cas; those lips are wonderful and so kissable that it is almost impossible not to. “See you tonight.” Dean says and he sees that Cas is looking at him happily, with a pretty smile drawn on his lips.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for enjoying this fic as much as I do writing it, and thanks for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions

The alarm clock wakes Castiel up and he turns it off. He groans and he buries his face in the pillow. There’s still Dean’s scent on his bed and Castiel likes that, it is weak, but it is still there. He likes Dean’s smell. Dean smells like leather, earth and car oil. Castiel can’t help smiling at that thought. He opens his eyes and he sees that the other side of the bed is empty. Of course that it is empty; it’s Tuesday, and Dean only comes to his place on Fridays and Saturdays.

Castiel gets up and he makes the bed. He and Dean have only slept in that bed three times, but Castiel has gotten too used to that. When he sleeps with Dean, he feels extremely good. He likes having Dean in his bed, sleeping next to him and he loves waking up and seeing him, with those pretty green eyes of his and that sweet cocky smile and with that messy morning hair.

He really likes Dean. He liked him from the first moment he saw him at the Red Candy Club. Dean looked gorgeous, although he always looks gorgeous. But since some months have passed, Castiel has gotten to know Dean better and he is too attached to Dean. He cares about him and Castiel is always waiting impatiently to the days Dean comes over. He feels great with Dean. He doesn’t have to pretend anything or lie, it’s just so natural and Dean is so charming, nice, awesome and smart.

Castiel has hired some other prostitutes in the past, but he never did anything as this agreement he has with Dean, and much less, he didn’t get to know those prostitutes as much as he knows Dean. Castiel just wanted some prostitute he could see every weekend, that way, both of them would know what both of them liked and made it easier. He wasn’t expecting it would go as great and as easy as it is going with Dean.

Dean is different. Not only different from any other prostitute Castiel has been with; he is also different from all the people he knows. Dean has something that makes him special and awesome. He shouldn’t be this attached to Dean, but Dean has grown into him and Castiel isn’t sure if he will ever let Dean go. He doesn’t want to. No one of them knows for how long this is going to last, Castiel had in mind that some years, but now, he can’t tell. He doesn’t want Dean out of his life. He knows Dean is a prostitute, that he comes over his apartment because Castiel is paying him, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. Most of the time it doesn’t. He is only reminded about the reality when at the end of the month, he has to deposit the money in Dean’s account.

But Dean seems so glad to come and see him. His smile is genuine, there isn’t anything fake behind it, and he cares about Castiel. It is complicated. Castiel is the client and Dean is the prostitute, but that thing only seems to be like that when Dean is naked, the rest of the time, it feels as if they were good friends. How did that happen?

Castiel sighs. He is now putting some coffee in his mug. He is already showered and dressed. He looks at his coffee and at the toast and he grunts. He remembers how homey Dean is in the kitchen, how delicious his breakfasts are, how he smiles when he sees that Castiel is enjoying the breakfast. Castiel smiles and he takes a sip. He would love to have that on Saturday’s and Sunday’s mornings, after he and Dean have woken up.

Dean lights up Castiel’s boring life. It isn’t that Castiel doesn’t like being alone, he likes it; what he doesn’t like is feeling lonely. Sometimes, when he is with people, he feels lonely. But that doesn’t happen with Dean. Dean removes that loneliness easily and without any trouble, and Castiel doesn’t feel that sadness and loneliness when Dean is here with him.

Castiel bites his lower lip and he looks into the mug with coffee, as if he could find some advice or some answers in that black liquid. Maybe he could ask Dean about it. He has to think about this.

 

***

 

Dean rubs his face desperate. He fucking hates Calculus II. He is in his bedroom, studying for tomorrow’s exam. He looks at the book, trying to understand how the solution of a simple equation is made of a summation with several square roots and a couple of sines and cosines. Dean grunts desperate. There isn’t a single number, not one. How is that possible? Math is supposed to have numbers, in the real wordl things work with numbers, not with letters and old Greek symbols or whatever the hell they are. Sometimes Dean looks at his notes and he could swear that he is studying a language from the ancient Egypt.

His mobile phone rings and he looks at the screen. Cas is calling. Dean frowns in confusion. Why is Cas calling on a Tuesday? Maybe something’s wrong. He hopes it isn’t.

“Hey Cas, something’s wrong?” Dean says when he picks up the phone.

“ _No. Why do you always assume I call you because something bad is going on?_ ” Castiel asks. Dean knows that Cas must be squeezing his eyes.

“Dunno.” Dean shrugs. “Shouldn’t you be working right now?”

“ _Just finished my turn. I’m about to go back home._ ” He explains. Dean can hear the sound of a car door being opened. “ _Are you busy right now?_ ”

“I’m studying, well, trying to understand some calculus problem. Do you have any idea about boundary value problems?” He dedicates a grimace to the book, hating that problem he can’t understand.

“ _I’m afraid I’m not._ ”

“Damn it.” Dean sighs. “Well, why are you calling?”

“ _Can you talk freely?_ ”

“Yeah. Sam’s in the living room, I’m in my bedroom.” He picks his pencil and he starts to roll it. “What’s up?”

Castiel takes a deep breath. “ _I want to discuss something with you._ ” He starts to say. Dean can feel the nerves on Cas’ voice, as if he was going to confess something really huge. “ _I would like to propose you something._ ”

Dean looks at his hand, where his phone is as he narrows his eyes. He is intrigued. “What is it?”

“ _I would like that you could stay with me after we have sex and sleep together. And I would like you to prepare me breakfast when we wake up._ ” He says a bit tense. Dean blinks perplexed at the offer, dropping the pencil. He likes this offer a lot. He is going to sleep with Cas. He can’t tell how much he likes that. His heart is starting to beat quite fast. “ _I would pay you one hundred dollars more for that._ ”

Dean makes a shocked sound. “One hundred dollars? Cas, that’s a lot, I’m just gonna stay in bed with you and make you breakfast.” He says. Castiel is paying him enough for having sex. He can’t let Cas pay even more for something that isn’t sex. Technically, Cas shouldn’t pay him for staying in his bed, it is included on the price; Cas just has to ask and Dean has to set if he can do it.

“ _I think one hundred is fair enough._ ”

“Holy shit, are you made of gold, or what?” He asks and he hears Castiel chuckling at the end of the other line. “I’m not charging you the sleeping thing. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it.”

“ _Dean—_ ”

“Cas, shut up and listen.” He says bossily. Cas puffs annoyed. Dean would love to see that huffy adorable face. “Technically, sleeping with you, it is included on the price. Not all the clients want that, but some of them want it, just a few, so it is already set on the price. You just have to ask and I have to agree with it.”

“ _Okay, but I’m going to pay you one hundred for the breakfast._ ”

Dean rolls his eyes and lets out an irritated grunt. “You gotta be kidding me. One hundred for cooking your food and eating it with you? Seriously?”

“ _Dean, I’m serious._ ”

“Cas, you already pay too much. I’m not letting you pay more for just making you breakfast.” He says a bit disturbed. Every time that he remembers that Cas is paying him to have sex with him, Dean feels a little bad, making his stomach to flip. He sometimes likes to think that Cas isn’t paying him, although he always has that in his mind, but he doesn’t realize about it until they talk about this or Dean seems in his account that Cas has paid for Dean’s services.

“ _I’m going to pay you for that like it or not._ ” He starts to say. Dean lets out a frustrated sound. Cas sometimes is even more stubborn than Dean. “ _But, you’ll estimate the price._ ”

Dean makes a thoughtful grimace. “Okay. Two dollars.”

“ _Just two dollars?!_ ” He sounds shocked and disturbed.

“Yeah.”

“ _No way. At least I want to pay you a number with two digits._ ”

“Okay. Ten dollars.” He says with a smirk.

“ _I knew you were going to say ten dollars. I’m paying you fifty._ ”

“Ten.”

“ _It’s not enough._ ” He mutters a bit angry.

Dean chuckles. This is surreal. He is telling a client to lower the price. Dean has never discussed when someone wanted to pay for him more than usual. But of course, this is Cas, and Cas isn’t like any other person. “I’m sticking on ten.”

Castiel grunts. “ _Thirty._ ” He mutters. Dean is about to say something. “ _You know what, twenty. Less than I want to and more than you want to._ ” He interrupts with a tired voice.

“Fine.” Dean says. Although he would rather be paid ten dollars.

“ _So, you agree on sleeping with me after we have sex and to make breakfast in the morning?_ ” He asks. Dean is quite sure that Cas must be smiling timidly right now. And he must be also blushing a little.

“Yeah, I agree.”

“ _And what are you going to tell to Sam? When he sees that you aren’t coming to your house to sleep on Friday’s and Saturday’s nights he will suspect._ ” He sounds really worried. “ _This will complicate your life and will add more lies._ ” Now he sounds regretful.

“Don’t worry. Every time I slept with you, I told him that I was staying with some guy that I met on the bar I work. I can tell him that I will spend the nights after I finish working at your place and that I won’t come home until morning.” Dean explains. “He is gonna think you are my fuck buddy or something, but—” He makes a pout. “I think he’ll buy it.” Actually Sam thinks that, well, he thinks that he and Cas are something more, but Dean should better not let Cas know about that.

“ _Oh._ ” Castiel says surprised. Then, he makes a small pause. “ _Dean, are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want to—_ ”

“Yes Cas, I want to.” Dean confesses. He is delighted about the idea of sleeping with Cas and waking up with him. Dean loves that too fucking much. He shouldn’t say that. He shouldn’t even love that. He clears his throat. “I like that. Y’know, sleeping with you. And if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t even have a decent breakfast.”

Castiel laughs. “ _That’s true._ ” He recognizes. “ _Well, so this Friday, you’ll stay with me._ ” He says in a sweet way. Dean’s heart seems to stop for a few seconds with those words.

“Yeah, I’ll stay, and I’ll make breakfast.”

He can hear Cas’ smile in his voice. “ _Good._ ” He says. Dean is also smiling like an idiot. “ _See you on Friday._ ”

“See you on Friday, Cas.”

“ _Good luck with your exam._ ”

“Thanks.” And he hangs up.

 

“Wait, so you are gonna sleep with Cas every day you come after work?” Sam asks with an incredulous voice. Dean nods and he looks at his little brother. Why is it so hard to believe? “You, Dean Winchester, are going to sleep every single Friday and Saturday night with a guy that it is only a fuck buddy.”

“I don’t like the way you have said ‘fuck buddy’.” Dean says as he puts some salad in his mouth. Sam sounded as if he was saying that term in a sarcastic way.

“He’s not just a _fuck buddy_.”

Dean rolls his eyes. He has to pretend. Cas isn’t just a client. But he isn’t any of those tags people use with any kind of relationship. Seriously, he needs to find a word or a term to this messy thing he and Cas have. As if it was going to be that easy… “Okay, I’m gonna leave this straight.” Dean says with a serious face. “We fuck a several times during the night and when we are done, I can barely move. So it is better to stay in that fucking awesome comfortable bed he has.” And he makes a smug smile.

“Ugh, dude.” Sam says disgusted. “I didn’t need to know that.”

“You asked.”

“I didn’t ask about that, jerk.” He squeezes his eyes shut, as if he was trying to erase the image of Dean and Cas fucking. “Ugh, gross.” He says disgusted. Dean can’t help chuckling. “I was trying to know how is it possible that my big brother is gonna spend all the weekend sleeping with someone.” He explains, Dean is about to say something but Sam raises his hand, telling Dean to shut up. “Please, don’t give me the sexual answer.”

Dean rolls his eyes as he chuckles. “I like him. And I like being with him. And I like having sex with him.” He is telling the truth. He really likes Cas and spending time with him, and sex with Cas is too fucking awesome. Dean makes a shy smile. “I have a long week on the university, and the job is quite exhausting. I need to let out that stress of my body and Cas makes me feel really good.”

“Who are you and what have you done to my brother?” He asks with a suspicious glare.

“What the hell?”

“You are really into that guy, aren’t you?” He asks with a sassy voice and arching one eyebrow.

Dean makes a bitchface and he keeps eating. Sam doesn’t say anything else, but Dean can see that his little brother has a satisfactory smile drawn on his lips. Cas already said it; this is going to complicate Dean’s lies, but a huge part of Dean wants to sleep with Cas and wake up next to him. Stupid Sammy reminding Dean that he is really into Cas. Why Dean’s life has to be this chaotic?

After finishing dinner, Dean brushes his teeth and he goes to the Impala to drive to Cas’ apartment. Just before he leaves the door of his home, Sam dedicates him a smirk as a farewell. One of these days, Dean is going to have Sam’s hair cut while he sleeps. His little brother is a little teasing shit. Dean loves his brother, but sometimes Sam really gets on his nerves. It’s a brother thing.

Dean is at Cas’ door as soon as always. He waits for Cas to open the door after Dean has rung the bell. Dean’s eyes go wide when he sees Castiel is wearing one of his waistcoats; he is wearing them more often and Dean loves it. Castiel looks too fucking handsome with them. He even looks sexy, for fuck’s shake.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel greets with that pretty smile. Two words. Just two words that make Dean feel great.

He can’t fight the smile that appears on his lips. “Hey Cas.”

“Come in.”

Dean nods and he walk in, trying so hard not to pull Cas into a kiss. He knows that Cas likes it when Dean lets himself go, but that’s when he is starting to work, not when he has just arrived. It’s Cas’ fault; he shouldn’t have such kissable lips that every time Dean looks at them they are asking to be kissed until they are swollen and wet.

“How was your exam the other day?” Castiel inquires as he sits on the armrest of his couch. He always sits there when Dean is about to strip.

“Meh.” Dean says as he starts to take off his boots. Cas is always wondering about his studies. He is always caring about anything that involves Dean. “It could have gone better, but also worse. I hope I’ll pass.”

“I’m sure you will pass.” He says with a confident smile.

Dean meets his eyes. “You have too much faith on me.”

Castiel chuckles and he stands up. He caresses Dean’s naked chest. “I just have the faith you give me.” He kisses Dean tenderly as his hands trace down the chest. Dean places his hands around Cas’ waist, pressing Cas closer to him. Dean can’t never get enough of feeling Cas everywhere.

Cas pulls away and he stares directly into Dean’s eyes. Their eyelashes are almost touching. Castiel moves his hands to Dean’s black jeans and he unbuttons them and unzips them, taking them off. He takes off Dean’s boxers and he kneels to press kisses on the inner of Dean’s thighs. Those kisses soon become a drag of teeth and sucking kisses that will leave sweet little bruises. Dean gasps and moans. He places one of his hands on Cas’ hair, caressing that wild silky mess of hair. Dean adores when he is taken care like this.

“Oh—!” Dean moans when he feels Cas pressing little kisses on his cock. He wasn’t expecting that. It isn’t as great as a blowjob, but it feels pretty awesome. He can even feel that proud grin Cas is making when Dean moans. What a little bastard.

Castiel stands up and he places his hands on Dean’s hipbones before he kisses him fondly. Dean can’t help smiling in the kiss, and almost immediately, Cas is smiling too. When they pull away, Castiel turns so he is facing Dean’s back. He starts to press kisses down Dean’s spine, as his hands tour Dean’s sides, spreading warmth on Dean’s skin with his fingertips.

His mouth goes up again and he kisses Dean’s neck. Dean tilts his head to one side, so Cas can kiss him better. Cas’ hands keep touching Dean, as if he wanted to travel along Dean’s body. And Dean is more than happy about it. He likes when Cas kisses and touches him like this, fondly and in a really sensual way. He likes it when Cas takes his time, as if Dean was some marvelous piece of art that should be admired delicately and slowly.

Dean moans when Castiel bites his earlobe. He even rocks his hips, feeling that Cas is half hard. Castiel smiles with that and he also makes a soft chuckle. He nuzzles Dean’s neck and then, he rests his chin on the freckled shoulder. His hands hold Dean tightly, as if he didn’t want him to go anywhere. But Dean isn’t going to leave. He wants to stay here.

“You okay?” Dean asks after Castiel kisses his shoulder.

“Yes.” Castiel answers casually. His blue eyes meet the green ones. “I just like to hold you.”

Dean blushes a little and he kisses Cas’ lips. It is so easy to kiss Cas, to let him get into his skin, to be with him. What is this maddening and addicting sensation Dean feels every time he is with Cas? He doesn’t want to leave this place, everything feels good, even if it is this messy thing they have, but it feels great and it is really heartwarming. Why this is like this with Cas? Dean’s other clients were never like this, they didn’t make him feel good and warm; most of them made him feel like some sexual toy, and others made him feel like crap, just a couple made him feel nothing bad, but it wasn’t good. And Cas makes him feel really good.

“Let’s go to the bedroom, Dean.” Castiel murmurs in that extremely sexy rough voice. He grabs Dean’s wrist and Dean lets himself to be guided by Cas. He knows where the bedroom is, but he likes how Cas grabs his wrist, guiding him.

Castiel cups his face and he kisses him needy and desperate once they are in the bedroom. Dean moans into the kiss and he fists Cas’ waistcoat, trying not to fall down, because Cas is leaving him breathless.

When they pull away, both of them gasp. Dean leans to kiss Cas, but Cas places his fingers on Dean’s lips, stopping him. Dean frowns in confusion and Castiel smiles. Dean feels some relief; for a moment, he thought that he fucked something up. Dean starts to suck Cas’ fingers, seeing how Cas makes a surprised and glad face. Dean sucks harder and he sees how Cas bites his lower lip and he feels how the other man presses his crotch against Dean.

Dean pulls his mouth and tongue away from Cas’ fingers with a popping sound. Castiel smiles and he kisses him, briefly but intense. Then, he smirks as he plays with Dean’s bottom lip in between his teeth.

“Lie down and start to touch yourself.” Castiel prompts.

Dean nods and he walks towards the bed. He lies down and he grabs his cock. He looks at Cas as he touches himself. He can see Cas’ eyes are filled with lust and want. Dean bites his lower lip as he makes a smirk. He moves his hand along the shaft, slowly but in a hard way, enough to make his cock twitch and make Cas feel turned on by this.

Dean squeezes the head of his cock and he lets out a moan. He can see Cas’ erection hidden in his dress pants. Even he is fisting those dress pants, as if he was trying to keep himself from lying above Dean and start to touch him, kiss him and fuck him. They have already done this a couple of times. Cas likes to watch how Dean masturbates, how he plays with his cock and then, how he fingers himself. And Castiel doesn’t move from where he is standing until Dean has three fingers in his hole.

Now Dean moves his other hand to his hole and he presses in one finger. He fucks into his fist and into his finger, finding a proper rhythm, rocking his hips steady, trying not to take away his eyes from Cas, who is looking at him as if Dean was the most wonderful thing he has ever seen. Although Castiel always looks at Dean like that, as if he was the center of the universe. Dean hasn’t met anyone who looked at him like that, like Cas does. There’s lust in Castiel’s eyes, like any other man who has paid Dean, but in Cas’ eyes there’s something else, something warm, something that Dean can’t put a name on, but he loves it.

He gets another finger in and he groans a moans Cas’ name, which makes Castiel to come closer, as if he was hungry for Dean. Dean must admit that he likes Cas watching him, but he would rather have Cas’ fingers in his hole and his other hand on his cock instead of his owns. Dean closes his eyes for a moment when his fingers touch his prostate. He also tilts his head back. He tightens the grip on his cock. This is too much to do for him, but it feels too good. When he opens his eyes, Castiel is kneeling on the bed, leaving some important space in between both of them, but his eyes are fixed where Dean’s hands are.

“Cas—” Dean moans needy as he keeps fingering himself.

“Another finger and I’ll fuck you Dean. Just another one.” Castiel says desperate.

Dean does it. Of course he does it. He wants to have Cas’ cock inside him, filling him, giving him that wonderful warmth. He needs it. So he opens himself with his three fingers as he keeps stroking his cock, squeezing his fist on it. Dean makes another moan when his fingers graze his prostate.

“So good, Dean, so good.” Castiel says. One of these days, Dean is going to come by only hearing that sexy voice. “You can stop now. I’m going to fuck you.”

Dean lets out a relieved sigh. He sees Cas taking off his clothes extremely fast, wasting no time, and Dean can’t help smiling. With his eyes, he traces Castiel’s naked body as Cas moves towards the bedside table to pick the lube and the condom. If Dean could, he would press kisses all along that body, suck hickeys, bite it slowly, trace it with his hands, lick it… He would do thousands of different things with Cas, he would make sure that Cas feels a lot of awesome things as Dean takes care of him.

Why is he thinking about that right now? Dean is Cas’ whore. And he is always the bottom one. Sometimes Cas sucks his dick, but that’s something exceptional that happens in rare occasions. It isn’t going to happen and Dean should, no, he must stop wishing things like that.

Castiel is suddenly lubing Dean’s hole and then, he grabs with his hands Dean’s wrists, pulling them up, keeping them away from their bodies. Castiel kisses him fiercely but sweetly and then, Dean feels Cas’ cock pushing in, so he has to move away from the kiss to let out a moan. Dean is too used to Cas’ cock that it gets inside himself without any trouble at all, settling in immediately. Dean and his body are adjusted to Cas. It has been a couple of months since they started this agreement and both of them are used to each other.

What Dean isn’t used to is how full he feels when Cas is inside himself. Dean has never felt anything like this. He has being fucked by a lot of strangers, but no one of them filled Dean the way Cas fills him. It’s not just physically, it is something else. Dean opens his eyes when Cas is fully in and he sees those blue eyes, with his pupils blown up with lust, staring at Dean in that intense way. And Dean feels cared. 

Dean starts to rock his hips needy and Castiel starts to move. His thrusts are hard, but at the same time gentle, like always. It is rough sex but painless. Dean tilts his head back, pressing it down as his body arches and his toes curl. Castiel starts to kiss his neck as he keeps fucking Dean, with steady thrusts. Dean clenches around Cas’ cock and that earns him a wonderful moan from Castiel.

“Dean.” Castiel moans. Dean would lie if he said that he doesn’t love the way Cas says his name when they are fucking. So Dean clenches again, feeling how Cas fucking trembles above him. “Dean.” He moans again.

“Cas.” Dean moans when Cas’ cock touches his prostate with a hard thrust.

Castiel steals a brief dirty kiss from Dean’s lips and when Dean has to pull away from it to let out a moan, Castiel rests his forehead on Dean’s, without stopping to rock and twist his hips, changing the angle once in a while, fucking Dean with those glorious thrusts. Dean can feel Cas’ raggedy breathing.

Dean tightens his legs around Cas’ waist and he makes a guttural moan. He feels Cas’ teeth playing with his bottom lip. Dean leans into that mouth and kisses Cas fervently until another moan escapes from his throat. He fucks into Cas’ cock, something that makes Cas to smirk and Dean decides to taste that stupid grin he adores in a kiss.

Cas’ hands are still on Dean’s wrists, it is a shame that they aren’t on the rest of his body, but Cas’ cock and his kisses are awesome enough. Dean moans harder when Castiel fucks him harder. The sounds their bodies are making are more than pornographic. They keeps moving together, Cas’ thrusting in and out of Dean and Dean fucking into Cas, until Dean can’t hold it for more and he comes, letting out Cas’ name in his orgasm.

Dean feels boneless and he is shaking a little. He isn’t sure if he is breathing at all. There are stars crashing behind his eyeballs. Coming because of Cas always leaves him breathless and exhausted, but also it leaves him relaxed and feeling too good. With any other client, Dean felt a bit tired and a bit good it the sex wasn’t painful, but no one of those experiences can compare with the sex Dean has with Cas.

Castiel comes after a couple of thrusts and his body collapses above Dean. His hands move away from Dean’s wrists to rest on the freckled shoulders and Dean doesn’t doubt it for a second to embrace Cas. He likes to touch Cas and to sooth him after sex with his hands, by stroking him gently, feeling the warmth his body releases.

Dean is a post-sex cuddler and if he can cuddle with Cas, it is more than awesome. He likes having Cas above him, trying to recover his breath, still, with the only movement of his breath, feeling skin against his skin, without caring about the mess of Dean’s come. Dean really loves being like this with Cas, holding him softly, with Cas pressed against him, as if it was so hard to move.

“You are staying, right?” Castiel asks in a murmur. His voice reveals that he is still tired but he seems to be satisfied.

“Of course I’m staying.” Dean says with a happy smile. He kisses Cas’ head. He thinks he shouldn’t do that, but Cas doesn’t seem to mind about it, he even makes a shy smile.

“I’ll clean us and then, let’s sleep.” He caresses Dean’s jaw as he moves to search in the drawer for the wet wipes. He cleans Dean first and then himself, after throwing away the condom.

Dean gets in the bed as Castiel switches off the lights. It feels so natural to do this. Everything with Cas feels right and natural, even if both of them are acknowledged about this weird agreement and relationship they have. But at least, for Dean, it is easy to forget it, because it feels too good and natural. Seeing how Cas gets in bed with Dean and how Cas rolls so he can rest his head on Dean’s shoulder as he spreads his arm on Dean’s chest, feels great. And Dean holds Cas tightly, as if he didn’t want Cas to go. Truth is, he doesn’t want to let Cas go. This is dangerous territory, this is too complicated, but right now, Dean just wants to fall asleep next to Cas, because it feels right and Dean adores sleeping with him.

It is complicated, but it feels too good. It’s just his job. What he has been doing with a lot of nameless strangers. But Cas isn’t a nameless stranger, he isn’t one of those clients, Cas isn’t like the rest of the people. Definitely, Castiel has grown into Dean more than both of them expected. Dean should be shocked of something, but here he is, sleeping next to Cas, feeling greater than ever.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't imagine how happy I am knowing that you are enjoying this story so much. Thank you for reading, and for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :)

It’s a warm and sunny day despite being in the middle of November, so Dean is going to seize this free hour he has by sitting under one of those trees there are on the campus. As he walks by to find a nice place, he sees Charlie under the cherry tree, focused on her laptop. Dean can’t help a smile and he walks towards his friend.

“Missing class again?” Dean says with an arched brow.

Charlie looks away from the screen and she smiles. “Yeah. The unusual thing for me is to attempt them.” Charlie explains. Dean sits next to her and he leaves his backpack leaning on the tree trunk. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to have class?”

“Professor couldn’t come today because she had to go to a medical appointment. At least that was what she said on the e-mail she sent.” Dean explains. He peeks at the laptop and he sees that Charlie is trying to hack something. “What the hell are you trying to hack now?”

She puts her index finger on her lips to tell Dean to shut up. “Don’t talk so loud.” She says a bit annoyed. “I’m breaking into the computers on physics department. I’m trying to find the EMF exam.”

“You don’t even have that subject.” He says squeezing his eyes. Charlie always hacks to practice or just to get some money to put it on charity. Dean is still surprised that she hasn’t gone to prison or that black helicopters haven’t arrived to her house or to the university. She says that what she does is okay, but Dean knows that it isn’t too legal.

“No, but I know a couple of guys that are going to pay me two hundred dollars for this little baby.” She says happily as she shows the PDF of the exam. “Too much doctorate and the password for their computers is 123abc. C’mon!” She says laughing. Dean sees that she saves the exam on her files and after pressing some keys, she has erased any trace of her presence. Dean has seen her do that several times, so he knows what she is doing, even if he doesn’t have any idea about how to do it at all.

“One of these days you are gonna get caught. And I’m gonna be an accomplice.”

Charlie laughs. “Don’t worry about that. If they ever find a trace, it is going to lead them to a server in Ukraine that leads to France.” She smirks. Dean blinks perplexed and Charlie laughs again. “Well, how is everything going?” She asks as she turns her laptop off and she starts to save it in her backpack. “These two last weeks I’ve been busy with some projects and exams.”

“You do that?” Dean teases.

“Of course I do!” She says nodding and grimacing. “If I don’t they’ll fail me. I just attempt the important classes. When they are going to put a mark on me.” She gestures in an obvious way. “Anyway, how are you and Sam doing?”

“Sam’s good. Like always. Busy with school but doing great. You should come over our house this Sunday if you aren’t busy.”

“You betcha.” She says with a cute smile. “And what about you?” She asks with a singing voice. Then she starts to poke his bicep as she makes a huge grin.

Dean glares her. He knows what Charlie wants to know and Dean is almost one hundred percent sure that she kind of knows that something between him and Cas happened. Dean started to spend the nights at Cas’ apartment two weeks ago, but Charlie still doesn’t know about it. They haven’t seen each other too much during those weeks. Dean was a bit busy with exams and so did Charlie, so they didn’t even see each other in the cafeteria.

“You aren’t going to convince me that nothing new happened.” Charlie says arching her eyebrows. “I know you Winchester, and that soft smile you are almost wearing every day betrays you.”

Damn Charlie. She knows him too well. But it is true. Since Dean started to work for Cas, he has started to smile more often, and since he spends the nights with Cas and he wakes up next to him and he makes him breakfast, Dean is happier. And it seems to be something too noticeable.

“Come on.” She says too enthusiastic. Dean swears that Charlie should get a life or something. She isn’t one of those girls that likes to gossip all the time, she is the kind of girl that just wants to know how you are doing and why are you so happy. But Dean gets a little grumpy because he is Cas’ whore. If he and Cas would have met in any other conditions, Dean wouldn’t have any trouble about telling Charlie. Dean sighs. “You are willing to tell me.” She says with a wider smile.

“I’m going to his place every night after work and I spend the night there.” Dean finally says.

Charlie looks at him with wide eyes and a surprised face. “Sweet lord of the rings, are you serious?”

“Yeah.” He says blushing a bit. Why on earth is he blushing?

“Since when?!”

“Two weeks.”

Charlie’s mouth drops open. “And you have waited two weeks to tell me, Winchester?” She says disturbed. Dean is about to say something, but Charlie keeps talking. “Oh dear lord of light, you two are starting to be serious.”

“What? No!” Dean says shocked. Charlie arches one of her eyebrows in a suggestive way. “No.” Dean repeats with a deeper voice, as if with that he could sound more serious and certain.

“Dean, when was the last time you lasted with someone more than a month and you started to sleep with that someone every weekend?”

Dean exhales sharply because he knows where Charlie is trying to get him. “Never.” He simply answers.

“It’s been a long time since you were having sex with anyone, and longer since you actually saw that same person for more than a month. It’s clear enough that you and Cas are getting to a new level. You aren’t just fuck buddies anymore.”

“We are still fuck buddies.” He should say we are still a whore and a client. With something messy and strange they can’t put a name when they aren’t fucking. “We’ve talked about that.”

Charlie presses her lips into a thin line. “Yeah, sure. Then, why are you spending all your weekends at his house?”

“Because we like sleeping together and he adores my breakfasts.” Dean says with a cocky smirk.

“What kind of breakfast?” She asks narrowing her eyes and making a grimace.

“The sexual and the non-sexual.” Dean says proud. That’s true. Some mornings, when they wake up, Dean blows Cas, or Cas jerks both of them. Sometimes it is in the bed and sometimes it is in the shower.

Charlie laughs. “Oh boy.”

Dean joins her laughter. When their laughs are fading away, Dean speaks. “It’s just that. It’s the same as before. I like sleeping with him and waking up with him. But that’s all. We are just some friends who have sex every weekend, just to get the stress out of us.” He explains casually. Charlie rolls her eyes. “What?”

Charlie sighs. “Dean, I’m going to tell you something, and please, don’t start to roll your eyes and say things like ‘that’s bullshit’ or any other crap you usually say when I say something that you find too ‘chick-flick’, okay?” She says bossy.

“Okay.” Dean says a bit confused. When Charlie gets like that, it is because she is going to say something really serious and she doesn’t want to get mocked.

“You really like that guy and I know that you want to be more than a fuck buddy to Cas. I know you Dean, and I know how frigging proud you are. You don’t let yourself sleep with another guy after sex because you don’t want to get feelings and all those things you don’t like and don’t fully understand. You really like Castiel. Too much. And I don’t know him, I just know the few things you tell me, but I think he likes you too, so don’t be an asshole and for the first time in your life, stop being a proud dick and tell Cas the truth. That you want something more than being a fuck buddy.”

Dean looks down. Charlie would be right if Dean wasn’t Cas’ whore. His relationship with Cas isn’t only about a whore and a client, there’s something more, but it isn’t what Charlie has described. It is true that Dean wishes he wasn’t just Cas’ whore, that there was something else, something he isn’t sure about, although he knows he would be glad that he and Cas were fucking without Cas paying him for that. 

“It’s not like that. I like him, but I’m glad about what we have.” Dean lies. He tries to sound casually. Charlie gasps in frustration. “And I don’t think he would like me to be more than that. It’s complicated.” He finally says.

Charlie frowns in confusion. “Who was the one who suggested sleeping together?” She asks with a calculative look in her eyes.  
“Cas.”

She makes a sympathetic smile. “I don’t think he would have asked you to do that if he didn’t like you.”

Dean shakes his head and he looks down. “It’s not about that, Charlie.”

“It is like that, Dean! Why can’t you see it?!” She sounds really frustrated. She always gets so frustrated when Dean is being too stubborn.

“Because it’s not like that!” Dean says irritated. “We don’t want anything like that. We like each other and we feel good to be together. It eases the things to be just what we are.”

“Then, why did you say that it was complicated?” Check mate. Dean looks at Charlie with insecure eyes, unable to say anything else. “Oh Dean, you are starting to fe—”

“No.” He cuts her down. Dean exhales sharply. He feels something for Cas, but he doesn’t know what it is exactly. It is not love, he knows it, but there’s something close or similar, he isn’t sure, and as a whore, he shouldn’t be feeling that. “I just have to figure things out. He’s just a crush. This will disappear with the time.” He says. He had this conversation with Sam a few days ago. It wasn’t exactly the same, but Sam found out what Charlie did; that Dean is confused by these feelings he has. They aren’t strong, but Dean knows they shouldn’t be there.

Charlie chuckles in an acid way. “You must be very stupid if you think that.”

“Why do you sound like Sam?” He asks annoyed.

“Because he also knows the truth.” She says with a half-smile. “It’s your life Dean, and I’m not going to tell you how to live it, but I can see that Cas isn’t just another guy or just some crush. Sooner or later, you’ll realize about it.”

“And how are you sure about that?” Dean asks confused and quite annoyed. Charlie sounds as sure as his little brother when they talked about this.

Charlie makes a pretty smile. “Because you haven’t interrupted me during the whole conversation. Well, you only did when I addressed about you having feelings for him, but apart from that, you listened to every single word. If Cas was just only a crush or a fuck buddy, you would have just shut me up from the first moment.”

 

Dean can’t get Charlie’s words out of his mind. Their conversation was too similar as the one Dean and Sam had, but the one with Charlie was more intense, mostly because when he and Sam were discussing it, Sam was about to leave and go to Kevin’s house to study with him and he didn’t have a lot of time. When Sam came back, no one of them brought the topic back.

The thing is that Dean really likes Cas, a lot. And he knows he shouldn’t. But he shuts up that voice and he keeps enjoying his time with Cas more than he should. It happens every time Cas opens the door and Dean sees him; he suddenly feels great, as if nothing bad was going to happen. The fact that he is Cas’ whore, goes to the back of his mind; it is still there, but Dean kind of ignores it. And Dean isn’t sure if Cas does the same, that he ignores this reality when they are together.

But although if they ever decided to stop this agreement and become something without involving money, Dean isn’t sure how that would go like. He sucks at relationships and things with feelings, and no, he isn’t going to admit again that he is starting to have some feelings for Cas, it is a mess of strange things going on in his mind, not feelings. That’s a forbidden world, and he doesn’t want to fuck anything up. And also, there’s the money thing. He still needs to pay everything, and this job gives him enough to keep the house and keep with his studies and very soon, Sam’s studies.

Dean should put away those things. He should stop asking how it would be like if he and Cas weren’t in this situation. He is a professional. He shouldn’t be fantasizing and wishing things like that. Cas is just a client he sees every Friday and Saturday night and it happens to be that he is really nice and attractive and he treats Dean better than anyone. That’s all.

But the moment Dean is standing in front of Cas’ door, and it is opened, letting Dean see Cas, he can’t fight the urge to smile. It always comes easily when he sees Cas, with that cute shy smile, happy to see Dean. And Dean must admit that he is always looking forward to the weekend to arrive and see Cas and be with him. Because it always feels great to be with him. Dean forgets about all his troubles, about all his lies, about all that shit his life is made of. Castiel gives him a comfort that eases everything.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel greets with that beautiful smile of his.

Dean just cups Castiel’s face, without thinking about it for a second and kisses Cas needy. They have crossed too many lines about the regular things that shouldn’t be done in between a whore and his client, so what’s the problem about crossing that line a little further? Castiel never seems to mind. Right now, he has his hands on the small of Dean’s waist, tugging him closer and kissing him back. “Hey Cas.” Dean greets smiling. He can see the soft blush on Cas’ cheeks.

“You should definitely greet me like that more often.” Castiel says with a timid smile. Dean chuckles. “Come in.” He says pulling away. Dean walks towards the living room as Castiel closes the door. Dean is about to take off his clothes but Castiel runs towards him, fists his t-shirt and draws him into a fierce kiss.

Dean places his hands on Cas’ blades, feeling them under the shirt Cas is wearing, pressing him closer. Dean needs to feel Cas close to him. He doesn’t care if there are clothes or not, he would rather feel Cas’ skin against his skin, but anyway, he always wants to feel Cas this close.

Castiel pulls away from Dean’s mouth and he rests his forehead on Dean’s. They look at each other’s eyes for a moment, until Castiel licks his lips and he starts to speak. “Will I sound too desperate if I told you that I was willing Friday to come so I could see you again?”

Dean’s heart skips a beat with that. He should stop. Cas likes him. He knows it. But as his whore. Because Dean is really good at his job and he knows how to leave a client more than satisfied. Dean just smiles. “No. It means I’m doing a good job.”

Castiel looks at his eyes. Something strange flickers on them, and Dean doesn’t know what that means. The next thing Castiel does is to kiss him, slowly, with some strange longing on it. When he pulls away, Castiel sighs and Dean frowns in confusion. Immediately, Dean cups Cas’ face and he lifts his head slightly, until their eyes are meeting.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dean asks worried.

“Nothing, Dean.” Castiel says casually.

“It’s something. I know.”

“Yeah? And how can you tell?” He sounds a bit sassy, but Dean knows he is trying to sound sassy to hide the pain in his voice.

“By your eyes.” Dean simply answers.

Castiel moves his eyes away from Dean’s and he makes a shy smile. Dean has learnt that Castiel sometimes is quite reserved, but it seems that he isn’t too much with Dean. Actually, Dean feels the same with Cas. He knows he can trust him, and sometimes, he has told him things that he doesn’t talk to with anyone.

“You know you can tell me, right?” Dean insists with a sweet voice and caressing with his thumbs the soft tan skin of Cas’ cheeks.

“I know.” Castiel says with a smile and meeting Dean’s eyes again. He places his hands on Dean’s and he holds them, pulling them away softly. He leans into Dean’s lips and he kisses him. “I just don’t want to worry you.”

“I care about you. And I’m so fucking stubborn. You know I’m not gonna stop until I fiund out.” Dean challenges him with a sassy voice.

Castiel chuckles. “You are an assbutt.”

“Cas, c’mon. What is it?” Dean says serious. Sometimes Cas tries to hide himself with his chuckles. They have known each other for a couple of months, and Dean knows when Cas’ chuckle or laughter is a real one and when it is a fake one. As Cas might know that Dean jokes to avoid talking about things. After all, they aren’t so different from each other.

“Do I have to talk about that?” His voice sounds kind of childish and broken.

Dean sighs and hugs him tightly. He feels how Castiel presses his face on Dean’s neck and he even fists the back of Dean’s leather jacket. Dean rests his cheek on Castiel’s head. “No, you don’t have to.” Dean starts to say. It isn’t something very often, but once in a while, Cas shows how fragile he can be. Dean never knows why exactly, and he hates seeing Cas like this. “I just hate seeing you like this, man.”

“It’s just—” Castiel takes a deep breath. “Complicated.”

“What is complicated?” Dean wonders. But Castiel doesn’t answer. He just takes a deep breath. “If you keep being like this I’m gonna dance naked in front of you again.”

Castiel laughs. This time is a real one. It lasts some long moments and Dean can’t help smiling because he loves that laughter. Castiel moves his face away from Dean’s neck to stare directly at Dean, showing a pretty smile. He kisses Dean in a sweet and happy way. “What would I do without you, Dean?”

Dean simply smiles. “I don’t know. Who will be your assbutt then?”

Castiel laughs and he kisses Dean, who swears that feeling that happiness coming from Cas on his lips is one of the best things ever. Dean lets out a soft moan and he places his hands on Castiel’s shoulders, gripping them tightly. Castiel’s smile against Dean’s lips gets bigger and Dean can’t help making one of his own as well.

When Castiel pulls away, he combs Dean’s short hair and he looks at Dean’s eyes. “Let’s go to the bedroom.” Castiel says.

Dean nods. Castiel’s hand grabs Dean’s wrist, with some fingers touching Dean’s palm, as if Cas was hesitating holding Dean’s hand, but Dean knows he isn’t hesitating or anything. Holding hands is something for couples, not for the thing Dean and Castiel have.

Castiel kisses Dean needy and desperate and he takes off Dean’s leather jacket. Dean starts to take off Castiel’s shirt. It goes like that, taking each other’s clothes, until they are naked, only stopping the kisses when Dean’s t-shirt is being taken off. When they are completely naked, both of them press closer, willing to feel skin against skin. And Dean wishes that he could feel this more often. Cas’ skin against his, holding each other as they kiss, as if they didn’t want to fall apart, to lose each other, getting closer because it is never enough.

Dean needs to stop those thoughts, but he can’t. He wants Cas so badly. He blames himself for thinking all those things. He must never forget that he is just a prostitute, that he isn’t anything else. But it is so easy to let Cas make him forget about everything. His words, his mouth, his touches, his eyes… Dean falls into all of that and he lets himself get lost in Castiel.

“I’ve got a strange idea, and I’m not sure if you—” Castiel starts to say.

Dean glares him. “Cas, don’t start with asking for my permission. I trust you, you know it.” Dean says.

Castiel kisses him sweetly and then, he strokes Dean’s face. There’s some tiny sadness in those eyes. But why? Dean wants to ask, but he knows Cas isn’t going to tell him. “What if I wanted to fuck you in front of a mirror?” Castiel confesses. The blush on his face soon spreads and it gets too noticeable. Dean looks at him surprised. “I want you to see how beautiful you look when I fuck you.”

Now, it is Dean’s turn to blush. “Holy fuck.” Dean says shocked, but not in a bad way. He wasn’t expecting that. His mouth is suddenly dry and he seems to forget how to speak. And Cas is looking at him, waiting for an answer, so Dean just nods. “Fuck yeah.” He manages to say.

Castiel smiles relieved and he kisses Dean. “Okay. On my bed. On your hands and knees. Facing the wardrobe.” Castiel orders. And Dean does it. As he does that, Castiel goes towards the wardrobe, and he opens one of its door, the one with a huge mirror on it. “Can you see yourself?” He asks moving the door with the mirror.

“I can.” Dean says.

Castiel smiles and he walks towards the bed. Dean feels the mattress moving under him as Castiel places himself behind Dean. Dean looks at the mirror and he sees that Cas leans over his back to press kisses on his skin. Dean bites his lower lip. Those kisses soon turn into a drag of teeth and sucking kisses that will leave bruises and Dean moans.

Dean fists the sheets when one of Castiel’s hands grabs his cock and starts to stroke it. He can’t help looking at the mirror, seeing their reflection, seeing how flushed he is, how Castiel is leaning over Dean, seeing how Cas’ hands move in a steady and determined way on his cock. Dean moans harder and closes his eyes for a moment when Cas’ grip on his cock tightens.

Castiel keeps tracing Dean’s back with his free hand and pressing sweet little kisses on it. After some moments, the hand on Dean’s cock moves away to cup Dean’s ass as the other hand does the same. Dean groans in pleasure when he feels Cas’ hand squeezing his ass. He can even see the hussy smile on Cas’ face in the mirror. It doesn’t take too long for Cas to reach the drawer and grab the lube and the condom and start opening Dean up.

They have done this too many times that Cas’ fingers get inside Dean easily, without any trouble at all. Dean fucks into the fingers and Castiel smirks, because Dean knows Cas really loves to see how hungry Dean is for him, but Cas is a teaser, and he tries to graze the prostate, not touching it completely, so Dean is needier and hungrier. Dean rocks his hips desperate to feel those fingers touch and do wonderful things to him, and as he does that, he sees himself in the mirror, and how Cas is looking at him, as if he was the only person that mattered; and Dean would lie if he said he doesn’t feel his whole body burning when Cas looks at him like that.

Castiel gets his fingers out of Dean and he starts to push his cock into Dean’s hole. Dean moans and he lets Cas get inside. He fists the sheets and he feels his knees are starting to hurt a little, but he is going to last as much as Cas wants. Dean has been fucked in the doggy style so many times; he is used to this stance.

When Castiel is fully settled inside Dean, he leans over Dean, pressing a kiss on the freckled skin between Dean’s blades. He holds Dean’s hips tightly and then, he starts to fuck Dean with his usual hard but sweet thrusts, pushing his cock in and out of Dean, changing the angle of his hips once in a while.

Dean rocks his hips and bites his lower lip. He feels Cas’ balls hitting him with every thrust that goes really deep and he groans and moans Cas’ name as loud as always. He tilts his head up when one of Cas’ hands pinches his nipples. Dean’s whole body is shaking as is surrounded to Cas. And it feels too good.

Castiel moves his mouth to Dean’s ear. “Dean, open your eyes, please.” Castiel asks with that too fucking sexy voice. Dean does as Castiel says. “Look at the mirror.” He adds with a shaky voice. Dean moans harder and he looks at the mirror. “Look how beautiful you are.” He says desperate and looking at Dean’s green eyes, the ones reflected on the mirror. And Dean looks at himself first, but he soon looks at Cas’ reflection. He is so flushed, so rapt, so gorgeous and Dean is speechless about how fucking great it is to see how Cas fucks him.

“Cas— fuck!” Dean moans desperate and leaning into Castiel’s temple. Castiel kisses his cheek and keeps fucking him; this time faster and harder.

No one of them takes their eyes for the mirror, and Dean feels this is one of the most arousing things he has ever done. Just seeing how gorgeous and perfect Cas looks as he fucks Dean, how Dean can see perfectly how their bodies are moving together, how they are joined, the faces they do, the thrusts Cas gives, how Cas reacts every time Dean clenches around Castiel’s cock… Dean really loves being able to see that as they do it.

As they keep fucking, they are staring to each other’s eyes most of the time, the eyes they can see perfectly clear in the mirror. Dean isn’t used to this, to hold each other’s gaze too long. He and Cas tend to look at each other while they are having sex, but not as long as now. Dean usually closes his eyes to avoid that intense blue stare that gets into his skin, but tonight, he can’t. He can’t move his eyes from Castiel’s.

Dean soon comes after a while and his whole body seems to have lost his bones. He collapses, but Cas has him like always. And Dean feels Cas coming and collapsing on him not so long after him. Dean moves his head from the mattress to stare at the mirror. He sees Cas has his face pressed against Dean’s back and he is embracing Dean’s waist. And Dean smiles like an idiot and keeps trying to catch his breath.

After some minutes, when both seem to be breathing normal again, Castiel kisses Dean’s nape and nuzzles it after that. Dean smiles again. “You are too good to be real.” Castiel whispers into Dean’s skin. He tightens the grip of his arms around Dean’s waist, bringing Dean a little closer. He is still inside of Dean. Usually, Cas would have just got out of Dean, but tonight, he is still inside Dean. And Dean isn’t complaining at all. He likes how full he feels when Cas is inside him, removing his emptiness. “Don’t go.” He says with a heartbreaking voice.

Dean frowns in confusion and turns his face to see Cas, who has his face pressed on the freckled back. “I’m not going anywhere, Cas.” Dean simply says. “I like being here. I like being with you.” He sounds sweeter than ever. But Castiel doesn’t say anything, so Dean moves his hands from the mattress and he places them above Castiel’s. He squeezes them. Dean has done a lot of different things with clients, some of them were pretty bad and nasty, but he never held hands with any client, except with Cas. “I’m not leaving.”

Castiel takes a deep breath and kisses the beginning of Dean’s back. “Okay.” He simply says. Then, he gets out of Dean, who grunts because the emptiness and the cold reach him the moment Cas is no longer inside him.

Dean rolls and he sees Cas going to the wardrobe to close the wardrobe door and then, he walks towards the drawer to grab wet wipes and clean Dean. He stands up, switches off the lights and walks towards the bin to throw it away once Dean is cleaned. Dean sits on the mattress. Something is going on with Cas, and he doesn’t know what it is.

Castiel stands in front of the window, next to the door that leads to the terrace. He doesn’t say a word and Dean is worried about him. He walks towards Cas and stands next to Cas. He kisses his shoulder and starts to stroke Cas’ spine softly, in a soothing way.

“Hey, you all right?” Dean asks worried. He looks how the moonlight paints Cas’ skin. He looks paler with it, but he looks so beautiful. Even his eyes look more stunning than usually with the moonlight. Cas is really beautiful.

Castiel takes a deep breath, without moving his eyes away from the window, as if he didn’t want to meet Dean’s gaze. “I don’t know.” He simply says.

Dean sighs and hugs Cas, moving him away from the window. It is a soft and sweet gesture and Castiel seems to shock at first, but then, he relaxes and hugs Dean back, burying his face in the crook of Dean’s neck, his hot breathing caressing Dean’s skin. And Dean kisses Cas’ head. “You know I’m here for anything you need, Cas. Not only for sex.” He starts to say. He hates seeing Cas like this. And Dean isn’t only just Cas’ whore, he is something like a friend or whatever, although Dean tries to ignore it, but sometimes, in moments like this, Dean can’t ignore it. Castiel nods and his nails dig a little bit more on Dean’s back with those words. “You can tell me if you want to, and if you don’t want to, I can hug you all night long.”

“Why are you like this with me, Dean?” He says with almost a crying voice. Dean has never heard him like this and it makes his heart to ache. “Why do you care about me?”

“Because you’ve become someone very important to me. It sounds weird, knowing this agreement we have, but— you are important to me, Cas.” Dean confesses.

Castiel moves his face away and he looks directly at Dean’s eyes. “Thank you.” Castiel says and he presses a little kiss on Dean’s lips, tender than usually. Then, he leans his forehead on Dean’s. “I’m sorry for all of this, I’m just—” He sighs and he closes his eyes. Dean hasn’t got any idea of what it is going on, but he would do anything just to make Cas feel better. “I’m tired.” He simply says.

“Do you want me to bake you a pie to cheer you up?” He offers with a foolish voice.

Castiel chuckles and he opens his eyes. “In the middle of the night? Are you crazy?”

“You already know the answer to that.” He says with a pout. Castiel chuckles and he kisses Dean, in a happier way. “Does that mean that you want a pie?”

Castiel rolls his eyes and he laughs softly. “No. It means that you are an assbutt and that I really appreciate how you make me smile with the silliest things.”

“Do I take that as a compliment?”

“Yes, of course.” He cups Dean’s face and he kisses him tenderly. Dean loves those kisses too much. “How about we have some sleep?”

“Yeah.” He says pulling his hands away from Cas and going towards the bed.

They get into bed and Castiel rolls over, tugging himself on Dean’s body, so Dean can hug him perfectly. “Thank you Dean. For everything.” Castiel says with a sweet voice.

Dean smiles and he kisses Cas’ forehead. Cas falls asleep easily, but Dean can’t stop thinking why Cas said ‘don’t go’. He is worried about Cas. He just hopes it isn’t something too bad or too important, that his friend will be all right soon. He falls asleep with the warm feeling that blooms in his chest as he realizes that Cas is sleeping in his arms, with a soft smile drawn on his lips. Dean tightens him, as if with that, he could protect Cas from the evil on this world.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks a lot for reading, and for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions

“How did you convince me to buy here?” Dean asks frustrated. His little brother said that they could try a new supermarket. Of course, Sam didn’t tell him that it was one of those natural supermarkets with a lot of fruits and vegetables, and that it was a bit more expensive than the ones in a current supermarket.

Sam chuckles in that smug way he does when he deceives Dean. “You know, you are the big brother. You should be the one telling me to eat healthy food.” He grabs some tomatoes that for Dean look like any other regular tomatoes, although he must admit that they look redder.

“I don’t need to tell you that. You already eat enough rabbit food.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “I meant that you should eat more vegetables. At least you eat enough fruit, but that doesn’t mean that it’s enough.” He sounds as if he was giving to Dean an important talk, which makes Dean to glare tiredly at his brother.

“You know what? Just wander around here and grab whatever the hell you want. I’ll wait here with the shopping cart.” He says tiredly. Sam will go faster if he isn’t complaining about Dean’s diet and Dean won’t have to put up with this nutritionist facet Sam is going through right now.

“Fine.” Sam breathes out and he walks away. “I know what I’ve picked, so don’t you dare to take anything out of the cart!”

Dean rubs his face in exhaustion. He looks at the stands with fruits, vegetables, jams, jellies and preserved food his little brother loves too much. For every single thing Sam chooses, Dean should buy for himself a burger. That would be awesome.

Suddenly, Dean sees Cas. Dean’s heart stops for a moment. Castiel is in the distance, looking at some lettuces. He is wearing his suit, with that cute blue tie that Dean is quite sure Cas has used at some point to tie his wrists. And he is wearing the trench coat Dean wore the night he danced in front of Cas to cheer him up. Cas is also with his dark messy hair and Dean thinks he looks really handsome and adorable.

It is so strange to see Cas out of his apartment. They have never run into each other or they have never met outside Cas’ apartment, and now, Castiel is in this supermarket, buying his food, and Dean can’t help smiling at the picture of Cas shopping, looking so natural and cute, feeling how his heart hits itself against his chest. Dean wouldn’t mind doing something with Cas out of his apartment. It would be a bit awkward, because this started as Dean as a whore and Cas as a client, but it would be something else and it would be strange and messy and— Why is he still thinking about all of that?

But looking at Cas like that, it melts Dean’s heart. He has a huge crush on Cas.

“Okay, I grabbed you some apple pie so you wouldn’t be bitchin’ too much about this place.” Sam says and Dean wakes up from his thoughts. Sam frowns in confusion because he has realized that his brother was in his mind, lost somewhere. “What were you thinking?” He asks intrigued.

“Burgers.” Dean lies. Sam rolls his eyes. Then, Sam starts to talk, but Dean isn’t listening to him, he is looking at Cas. And then, it clicks him. He can’t let Cas see him, because Sam will meet Cas and that will get pretty awkward and Dean isn’t sure how to handle the situation. What lie should they tell? Because Dean knows Sam too fucking well and he will start to ask things to Cas and then he probably will tell Cas to come over home one day and Dean can’t let that happen.

“Dean, are you listening?” Sam asks annoyed.

Dean shakes his head, without checking where Cas is, hoping that he won’t notice them. “Yeah, thanks for the pie.”

Sam takes a deep breath. “That wasn’t what I was talking about.” He gives Dean a questioning look. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, super.” He sees that Cas starts to walk to somewhere, getting out of Dean’s sight. They should hurry up and pay all of these before Cas sees him. “Let’s pay this and get out of here.” He says as he turns over with the shopping cart really fast.

“What’s the hurry?” Sam asks half confused and irritated. But Dean doesn’t even answer him.

As they wait in the line, Dean’s heart is beating really fast. He doesn’t look back in any moment, just in case he sees Cas and Dean starts to blush a lot and his mind decides to block, avoiding Dean to think and act properly, and that’s never good. He just wants to get out of this stupid green supermarket as soon as possible. If he was alone, he would have walked towards Cas and talk to him, but he is with Sam, who thinks that Cas is Dean’s boyfriend, even if Dean has told him thousands of times that they aren’t boyfriends, and the moment Sam sees Cas, all Dean’s lies are going to fall apart.

Finally, they pay and they leave. For Dean it seemed as if minutes were like hours. But now he and Sam are safely in the Impala, and Dean can see through the supermarket windows that Cas is now waiting to pay. It seems that he hasn’t seen Dean at any moment, and Dean can now breathe relieved.

 

Dean comes loudly, with Cas’ name muffled in his orgasm. Stars are crashing behind his eyeballs, his whole body is boneless and he feels that wonderful warmth spreading in his chest. He feels Cas’ hands on his cock stopping the moment Cas comes inside Dean. It is all just feelings and messy sounds for Dean; he is still in the heat of his orgasm, but he manages to place his hands on the small of Castiel’s back, pressing him closer. He needs Cas impossibly closer. It doesn’t matter if they are skin to skin; it isn’t enough. Dean wants Cas closer, to feel Cas’ warmth, his skin and his body pressed and touching Dean.

Dean feels extraordinary good when Cas makes him come and how he feels after the orgasm moment is gone. He loves how Cas is on top of him, resting on top of Dean, breathing. Dean can feel Cas’ heart beating and his panting turning slowly into a calm breathing. He feels great like this. Holding Cas, feeling him, having him inside him until Cas has recovered his breath.

Castiel inhales sharply and he snuggles his face on the freckled space where shoulder and neck meet. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet. Dean has noticed that Cas tries to stay like this as long as he can. And Dean can’t complain at all. He loves being wrapped on Cas’ warmth, feeling him inside him, removing his emptiness. And the thing that drives crazier Dean is when Cas decides to trace down lazily, but gently, with his fingers one of Dean’s sides.

Dean looks at Cas with his eyes half closed. He decides to move one of his hands to the mess Castiel has for a hair. Dean wants to run his fingers slowly through that dark mess. He shouldn’t, but he wants it so bad. If Cas doesn’t want that, he will tell him. Dean swallows and moves his hand to comb Cas’ hair, feeling how the hair buries and strokes his fingers in that soft way. Something that makes Castiel to smile, and Dean has to open his eyes completely to corroborate it. And when he sees that pretty smile, and he feels it on his chest, Dean can’t help smiling.

What Dean doesn’t expect is a sweet kiss pressed right above his heart and much less that Castiel even presses himself closer to Dean. It seems as if Cas didn’t want to lose the feeling of Dean either.

“I saw you on Wednesday.” Dean says with a calm voice. He doesn’t know why he is saying that, but he somehow wants to tell Cas.

“Where?” Castiel asks with a sweet but a bit sleepy voice.

“On the supermarket.”

Castiel opens his eyes and looks at Dean’s. “And why didn’t you come and say hello to me?” He sounds a bit devastated about it. Or that’s what it seems like in those baby blues eyes.

“I was with Sammy and he thinks you’re my boyfriend.” Dean explains as he sinks in that intense gaze.

“Oh. I understand.” He says a bit dryly.

“I didn’t—” Dean takes a deep breath and Castiel’s brows make a frown. “I didn’t want him to start asking you questions and forcing you to lie, y’know?” He feels a bit guilty. He could have just said a simple hello to Cas or something. “And I’m sure he would have invited you to come home and have dinner so he could know you better.”

“Would he?” He says chuckling.

“Yeah.” Dean joins his chuckle. Castiel presses a sweet kiss and then, he gets out of Dean, who whimpers and grunts. He hates that emptiness left once Cas is gone. He sees that Cas throws the condom away and he lays aside after that, to stare at Dean perfectly, who has his face turned to Cas.

Castiel starts to trace down Dean’s chest with his fingertips, tickling Dean a little. His eyes are still stuck on Dean’s green ones. Dean can’t help making a shy smile. He really likes the after sex moment, when they aren’t about to fall asleep and Cas starts to touch Dean in that sweet way. Dean has never been like this with any client. He spent a couple of nights with a few clients, but Dean used to sneak out before breakfast. And no one of those clients liked to touch Dean in this intimate way Cas does.

“I wouldn’t mind having dinner if you were the one who cooks it.” Castiel says in a soft and low voice.

Dean chuckles. “You’re in love with my cooking abilities or what?”

Castiel blushes a lot and he presses his lips into a thin line. “You are talented.” He simply says with a small glare in his eyes.

Dean makes an acid laughter. “Yeah, sure.” He moves his gaze away. He feels uncomfortable when someone praises him. He isn’t used to hear compliments. “You say that because you are a terrible cook.”

Castiel laughs brightly and Dean has to look at him. Castiel looks gorgeous when he laughs; those cute crinkles on the corner of his eyes appear and the grin he makes is beyond gorgeous. “Apart from that, which is true,” Castiel says in between chuckles. “I really think you are a talented cook. You could cook in one of those expensive restaurants without any problem at all.”

Dean exhales sharply and he looks away. “You overate me, Cas.”

Then, Castiel’s hand is placed on his jaw and it turns Dean’s face so their eyes can meet again. It is easy to meet Cas’ blue eyes, even when Dean doesn’t want to. Those blue eyes always find their way to the green forest of Dean’s eyes. “I don’t overate you.” He murmurs honestly. His thumb moves on Dean’s cheekbone and Castiel leans in to kiss Dean in that sweet way of his.

“Cas—” Dean tries to say when they pull away, but Castiel interrupts him with another kiss; this time, it is a more passionate one that makes Dean’s knees go weak and it makes his throat to let out a moan.

“Why do you have such a low esteem?” Castiel asks in a whisper, as if he was afraid of asking. He presses his forehead against Dean’s, avoiding Dean to pull away and staring into Dean’s eyes, trying to find the truth and the lie in them.

Dean can’t help making a sarcastic chuckle. “Cas, you know why. You know what I am.” He sounds really obvious. Cas’ eyes seem to get a little glassy with that. “Can’t we just not—” But he can’t finish because Cas kisses him. And it seems to be a pity kiss. Dean doesn’t need pity from anyone, and much less from Cas, so he pulls away, looking how confused Cas is right now. “Just— don’t— I don’t want any pity, Cas.”

“Dean—”

“No.” He says sharply and he even sounds hurt. He just rolls over, showing his back to Cas, and Dean gets under the sheets.

He hears Castiel sighing and he feels how the mattress bounces a little when Cas stands up to switch off the lights. Then, the mattress bounces again and Castiel gets in the bed too. After some minutes, Castiel speaks. “It wasn’t pity.” Dean doesn’t say a word; he keeps staring at the wall. Hoping that Cas would stop talking, but he knows that won’t work. He knows Cas. “I hate knowing that you have such a low self-steam. You should be proud of yourself from a lot of things, but you refuse to see that.”

“Cas, I’m a fucking whore.” Dean groans.

“Why do you only care about that?! Is that what you only want?! To be a prostitute?! You forget about who you really are!”

Dean turns his face to see Cas directly, dedicating him a deadly but heartbreaking glare. “And who the hell am I, Cas?”

“Dean. You are Dean. Dean Winchester.”

Should he feel better with that? Of course not. He would spit out the most acid laugh he has ever done. But he doesn’t. Being Dean Winchester means being the worst crap ever. It means being the son his father hates, the kid that nobody likes, the man who has to work as a whore to pay for his life. Definitely being Dean Winchester isn’t good at all.

Dean just turns his face away from Cas. He can’t look at him right now. Dean doesn’t want that pity and compassion; not from Castiel. “As if that was something good.” Dean mumbles, trying to make that the end of this conversation.

But he is mistaken, because Cas keeps talking. “It is something good.” Castiel says with so much warmth in his voice. Dean feels how Castiel presses sweet little kisses on his temple, on his cheeks and on his jaw.

“Cas, just stop, please.” Dean says with a heartbreaking voice. He could just get out of the bed and leave, but he wants to stay in Cas’ apartment. He could sleep in the Impala, but it isn’t really comfortable. He could go home, but Sam would see him and he would start to ask a lot of things that Dean doesn’t want to answer. He just needs to be alone, right now.

Castiel suddenly holds Dean, little spooning him, tugging him closer and Castiel presses his face on Dean’s temple. He is holding Dean in a needy way. This is not supposed to be happening, this isn’t right. Cas shouldn’t be doing this, holding Dean as if he needed him to get better, as if he wanted to put him back together. Dean wants to get away from his grip, but the moment Dean tries to do so, Castiel’s arms tighten around Dean.

Another kiss is pressed on Dean’s temple and Dean’s heart feels a puncture. He doesn’t deserve this, he is just a fucking whore, nothing else, Cas knows it and he shouldn’t do this. “Cas, stop.” Dean says with a rough voice.

“Why?” And Castiel sounds so fucking wrecked, as if he was in pain.

“Because I can’t with this.” Dean simply says as he moves his hand to try to pull Castiel’s hands out of him, but Castiel grips Dean’s hand and holds it, tangling their fingers together. Dean lets out a strange groan and he feels some strange titillation running down his body. He is falling apart slowly, and he really doesn’t want it.

Castiel sighs and he moves his head. Dean feels Cas’ forehead being pressed against his neck and Cas’ breathing against his cold sweaty skin. “Don’t you like me to hold you?” He asks in a devastated way.

Dean exhales sharply and he squeezes Cas’ hand in a lovely way. “I really like it.”

“Then, what’s the problem?” He asks with a broken voice. He sounds really hurt and Dean really hates it, because he knows that Cas is like that because of him.

Dean takes a deep breath. What’s the problem? The problem is that Dean wants Cas so fucking bad that it hurts. But Cas is the greatest guy ever and Dean is just a simply whore. Castiel’s whore. When will he learn? He must pull those thoughts and feelings as far as he can and keep being good at his job, not being like this.

“Dean.” Castiel insists. “What’s the problem?”

“I don’t deserve this.” Dean finally answers with a trembling voice. Castiel holds him tighter and he presses a sweet kiss on the beginning of Dean’s back. Dean lets out a small whimper. He is so fucking pathetic.

“You deserve this and more.” Castiel whispers in that honest and beautiful love. He presses another kiss in the same spot. “Sleep, you’ll feel better.”

They don’t say a word. Dean isn’t sure who the first one to fall asleep is, but he doesn’t care. All he wants to is to surrender into that darkness and forget these last minutes with Castiel, to let them fade away while he dreams.

 

***

 

Castiel wakes up and he feels that Dean isn’t in the bed with him. He rises until he is sitting on the bed and he looks around his bedroom, but Dean isn’t there. Castiel touches the side of his bed where Dean was supposed to be, and he feels that it is quite cold. Dean must have left a long time ago. He looks at the alarm clock on the bedside table and he sees that it is 10:08 in the morning. Dean never wakes up this early, so he must have left really early.

As Castiel starts to get up and put on some clothes, he can’t help thinking why Dean has left; last night Dean collapsed because of his fault; Castiel knows that Dean hates talking and he pushed and pushed, and even when Dean didn’t want to, he kept pushing. He tried to make him feel better, to help him, but it only hurt Dean even more. Dean must hate him. But Cas just wanted Dean to know how incredible he is. Castiel hates seeing Dean like that, and he can’t help trying to make him feel better. But Dean is complicated and this thing they have is too messy sometimes.

There are times when things go really good, which is most of the time, but there are times when things get complicated, and one of them starts to fall apart and it is difficult. This wasn’t supposed to be like this, it was just going to be really different, but both of them like each other and they got under each other’s skin deeper than they expected to. And frankly, Castiel doesn’t want to get back to how this was supposed to go. And he is sure that Dean doesn’t want to, either.

When he opens the bedroom door, he hears some sounds coming from the kitchen. His heart stops for a moment. Dean is still here. Or it seems to be that. Castiel walks towards the kitchen and he sees Dean, wearing his wore jeans and his AC/DC t-shirt, mixing the pancakes dough.

“Good morning Dean.” Castiel says as he leans his back on the wall.

Dean turns his face and he makes a soft smile. “Good morning Cas.”

“I thought you left.” He confesses as he starts to play with one of the raspberries from the bowl that it is on the counter.

“I didn’t leave.” He says without taking his eyes off the dough. Castiel knows that Dean always avoids his eyes when he doesn’t want to talk about something, or when he is ashamed or when he feels really small.

“I see.” Castiel simply says. He walks a few steps towards Dean, leaving a few inches in between them. He always needs to feel Dean close to him, to feel his warmth, to feel his smell of ground, car oil and leather. It sends fire to Castiel. He combs Dean’s hair slowly and he rests his chin on Dean’s shoulder. Dean doesn’t do anything with that, although he tenses at first with the first contact, but then, he relaxes. “I missed waking up next to you.” Castiel confesses in a soft but a bit sad voice. He loves waking up with Dean in his arms, or in Dean’s arms. With Dean next to him. “Why did you wake up so early?”

“I just woke up early and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Sometimes you are a terrible liar, you know?” He knows Dean quite well.

Dean chuckles and he finally looks at Castiel’s eyes. It’s something. “I needed a shower to think.” He admits. “The water pressure of your shower is fucking awesome.” He adds with a grin.

Castiel chuckles and he kisses Dean’s cheek, something that seems to relax Dean. Castiel moves until he is next to Dean, facing him. He rests his hands on the worktop and he looks at Dean, who is again focused on mixing the dough, as if it was the most thrilling thing on the world. “Dean.” Castiel starts to say, but Dean doesn’t look at him. Castiel takes a deep breath and he grabs Dean’s wrist, making Dean to stop. “Look at me, please.” He hates when Dean hides himself from him, when he can’t meet his eyes. Dean leaves the bowl on the worktop and then, he moves until he is in front of Cas. His eyes take their time to finally meet Castiel’s, but when they do it, Castiel can see they are a bit glassy and full of shame.

For a moment, Castiel can’t say a word, so he just cups Dean’s face and he kisses him in a lovely way, trying to tell him with that action all the calming things he wants to tell him. Dean doesn’t fight against it, he just kisses Castiel in a needy way. Castiel has a weakness for Dean’s kisses, for the ones that aren’t intended to be arousing, just needy, lovely and or fondly. They just feel extraordinary.

When they pull away, both of them gasp for air. Dean decides to kiss Cas again, something that surprises Castiel, but he doesn’t protest. Not at all. He kisses Dean, feeling how Dean places his hands on the small of his back, pushing him closer because he also needs to feel Cas closer. It sends Castiel’s mind to the edge, to know that Dean needs him too.

Dean keeps his eyes closed when they are no longer kissing. Their foreheads are touching. Castiel presses a brief kiss on Dean’s lips, just a press of their lips, and then, he sighs. “I’m sorry.” Castiel says. “For pushing you like that last night, I just wanted you to know that you aren’t just a prostitute. That there’s more on you, wonderful things that eclipse the ones you don’t like.” He says with a desperate voice. Dean opens his eyes and Castiel gets lost in that green forest, like he always does.

“I know, Cas, I know.” Dean says nodding. “I shouldn’t have been like that. Fuck, I shouldn’t be whining about every single fucking thing and worry you and— I’m sorry. I’m giving you a lot of trouble.”

“No, Dean.” He takes a deep breath and his thumbs caress Dean’s cheeks. “We are human. We can’t help doing and feeling things like that.” He kisses Dean softly. “I guess that you would really appreciate if we just forgot this, don’t you?” He really would like to just forget all of this.

“That’d be awesome.” Dean says with half a grin.

“Okay.” He starts to kiss Dean in a fierce way and he turns him over, until Dean feels pressed against the border of the worktop. “I want to make it up to you.” Castiel adds in a desperate and sexy voice. He knows that Dean finds it arousing. He always trembles a little with that.

“Cas—” Dean says, but he seems to forget how to speak when Castiel starts to kiss his neck. Dean moans a little. “You don’t have to—”

“You are right, I don’t have to.” Castiel starts to say and he looks directly at Dean’s confused eyes. “But I want to.”

Dean nods and swallows before Castiel kisses him in a passionate way. Then, Castiel goes back to Dean’s neck and he starts to kiss it and lick it and suck it, making Dean to moan and to make his knees go weak. It doesn’t take too long for Castiel to unzip Dean’s jeans and pull his jeans and boxers down. He looks at Dean’s face; his pretty pink lips are parted, his pupils are blown out and he is already panting. He looks too fucking gorgeous.

Castiel kneels and he looks at Dean through his eyelashes as he takes Dean’s cock into his mouth. The way Dean shakes and the face he makes when Castiel does that, it is indescribable. Dean immediately places his hands on Castiel’s hair, digging his nails on Castiel’s scalp as he tilts his head up.

Castiel starts to suck Dean’s cock, bobbing his head up and down, swirling his tongue along the shaft, making Dean’s cock to twitch and making Dean to moan really loud. Castiel sneaks his hands under Dean’s t-shirt, placing them on Dean’s hipbones. He feels how Dean fucks into his mouth, pushing his cock further and Castiel moans and tightens his lips around Dean’s cock.

“Fuck— Cas!” Dean moans.

And Castiel loves how his name sounds coming out of Dean’s lips. So he keeps sucking Dean’s cock, moving his tongue along the shaft, hearing those wonderful noises from Dean. Then, he starts to make circles with his tongue on the head, and he sees that Dean is with his eyes closed and biting his lower lip. Castiel pushes the cock deeper and Dean moans harder. And he does the same.

After a couple of bobs of his head, Dean comes in Castiel’s mouth and Castiel feels how Dean becomes boneless, how his whole body trembles but at the same time relaxes and how Dean pushes him closer as he comes. Castiel swallows it all and then, he licks the remaining.

“That was awesome.” Dean breathes out after Castiel has moved his mouth away from the freckled cock with a wet sound. Castiel kisses him and Dean draws him closer, willing to taste Castiel’s mouth mixed with the taste of Dean’s come. “Wow.”

“Wow.” Castiel says smiling. “Do you think you will have enough strength to make breakfast?” He says with a sassy smile.

“You’ll have to wait a little.” Dean says with that goofy smile.

Castiel laughs and he pulls up Dean’s boxers and Dean’s jeans. “I always leave you exhausted.” He says with a smirk.

“I always leave you exhausted too. Don’t get that cocky.” Dean remarks with a glare in his eyes. Castiel kisses him with a smile. After the kiss Dean hums and then, he speaks. “You are hard.”

“Yeah, but don’t worry.” Castiel says careless. But Dean gives him a questioning look. “It’s fine. It will go away in a while.”

“What if I wanted to do something to make it go away faster?” He asks with a cocky voice. It’s strange how Dean can suddenly change from one mood to another. He always grasps himself on anything that takes him away from feeling like crap, to avoid any deep talking, and somehow, Castiel does the same sometimes.

“What do you want to do to me, Dean?” He asks rubbing his hard erection against Dean’s crotch, making Dean to gasp.

“What do you want, Cas?” Dean asks.

Castiel hates how that sounds. It sounds as the reality. That Dean is a prostitute. And right now, Castiel doesn’t want him to be like that. He shouldn’t push, he definitely mustn’t push something like this, but he wants to. “Whatever you want to do to me, Dean.” He tries to sound sexy, but his voice cracks a little.

“Li— like what?” Dean stutters. Castiel finds him too cute when he stutters. Dean is right now too blushed. This must be the first time somebody tells Dean to do something he wants to and he doesn’t know what to do or if it is right.

Castiel smiles and he pulls down his pyjamas pants and his boxers. Dean looks at him with lust and his face turns even redder. He walks towards the table and he leans his chest on it, showing his ass to Dean. He turns his face to see Dean, who is breathing with difficulties and really flushed. “Finger me, Dean.” He says casually.

“Fin— fin— finger you?”

“You are so cute when you are this blushed and stuttering.” He teases. Dean glares him a little. “Come on, Dean. If you don’t I will start to finger myself in front of you.”

Dean finally decides to approach him. Castiel watches Dean’s movements. He is really nervous. “Should I grab the lube?” Dean asks with a clamed voice, but the nervousness is still there.

“No.” Castiel grabs Dean’s right hand and he starts to lick and suck Dean’s fingers enthusiastically. He must admit that he really loves Dean’s hands. He should let Dean to touch him more. “Okay, finger me.” He says when he pulls his mouth away from Dean’s fingers. Then, he moves a little closer to Dean, just in case if Dean decides to jerk him off with the other hand.

“O—okay.” Dean says.

Castiel feels one finger getting in. It has been a long time since Castiel was fingered by someone. Almost as long as the last time he was fucked. Dean’s finger gets inside easy and Castiel rocks his hips, asking Dean for more, and he gives him that. The second finger gets inside quickly and easy and Castiel moans relieved. He missed feeling something like this; it isn’t as satisfying as a cock, but it feels good too.

When Dean’s fingers touch his prostate, Castiel moans louder. “Dean—!” Dean touches his prostate again and Castiel’s back arches. “Oh, fuck, Dean!” He moans desperate.

Dean is fucking panting. Castiel looks at him and Dean is looking at Castiel with lust and something more he can’t tell, because a third fingers pushes in and Castiel presses his forehead against the table. Dean’s fingers feel wonderful. He fucks into them and Dean starts to touch him everywhere with fast movements.

“Dean— Oh my— So good!” Castiel moans desperate and he even digs his nails on the table.

The fourth finger gets in without any trouble at all and Castiel moans harder because Dean touches his prostate over and over again. Castiel fucks into Dean’s fingers, which are doing crazy things to him. He lets out guttural moans with Dean’s name on it. This feels really good. Dean keeps fingering him with a steady rhythm, pressing where Castiel needs to be pressed, touching where Castiel needs to be touched. Castiel clenches around Dean’s fingers, making Dean to let out a surprised gasp before he fingers him harder.

Castiel moans and groans when Dean takes his time on touching his prostate. Castiel closes his eyes and presses his forehead on the table. His whole body arches and his legs feel like jelly. Dean’s fingers push in deeper and Castiel feels an indescribable pleasure.

“Dean— do— do that again.” Castiel whimpers and moans against the table.

“This?” Dean asks as he does the same touching he did before.

“Yeah—” Castiel breathes out. He feels how Dean’s free hand sneaks under his t-shirt and caresses his skin, spreading even more warmth than he is already feeling. “Dean—”

“Do you want me to make you come with just doing this?” His voice sounds nervous but arousing.

“Yes.” Castiel says and nods. “OH—” He tilts his head up when Dean’s fingers push even further than before. “Dean—!”

This feels really good. Too fucking good. Castiel fucks into Dean’s fingers, rocking his hips and Dean pushes as deep as he can, touching in that extraordinary way, making Castiel’s mind to go blank. He can’t make any proper thought right now and much less say something that isn’t Dean’s name. Dean’s fingers inside him are doing marvelous and crazy things to him.

Castiel comes with a loud orgasm. He feels really good after this. Dean pushes out his fingers and Castiel whimpers; he wanted them inside a little bit longer, but he guesses that Dean’s hand might sore a little. He moves away from the table, he cleans himself and he pulls up his clothes as Dean washes his hand.

“Wow.” Castiel says. He sees that Dean smirks at that. “Your fingers do wonderful things.”

“Thanks.” Dean says with a smirk. “How ‘bout breakfast?”

 

***

 

After they give a farewell kiss and the door is closed, Dean goes towards the Impala. When he is in the car, Dean buries his face on his hands. He can’t take away from his mind the fact that he fingered Cas. He fucking fingered Cas. Cas asked Dean to finger him. He was so shocked when Cas told him to do that. He thought that Cas would tell him to suck his cock, or to jerk him off, but not to finger him.

Castiel was leaning on that table, waiting for Dean, and when Dean started to finger him— Holy shit, the sounds Cas let out. Dean got really hard with that, and his boner disappeared thanks to thinking about Bobby dancing naked. It still sends a gross shivering down his spine. But holy fuck, the way Cas sounded, how he clenched around his fingers, how tight and warm Cas was, that was breathtaking. And Cas even asked for more and agreed to come by just the touch of Dean’s fingers. Dean should have shut or something, but holy fuck, Cas looked so fucking great that Dean couldn’t resist to tell him that.

And now Dean is going to think about how Cas will look like if Dean would have fucked him. He is going to think about the possible sounds Cas would make if Dean fucked him with his cock. And what Cas would look like if they were face to face, staring at each other.

Dean has heard Cas’ moans when he fucks Dean or when Dean blows him, but it wasn’t like this, maybe it was close to how Cas sounds when Dean blows him, but it was different, it was more intense, and Dean really loved it and it drove him crazy. He made Cas come by just fingering him, and Cas took everything Dean gave him and he gave Dean a lot and it was maddening, dangerously maddening.

This was so fucking wonderful, but at the same time, it shouldn’t have happened. Now Dean wants to know how it feels like to fuck Cas, to see how he screams Dean’s name with pleasure, how he sounds, how he looks. He is going to be thinking about that all the time and it isn’t going to do any good to him.

And the worst part is that it isn’t a thought that it is only making his cock twitch, there’s something more, and he definitely doesn’t want to open that door. He is so screwed up.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :)
> 
>  **Important:** Next week I won't be able to update becuase I have a lot of exams, so next chapter will be posted on the **2nd of February.** Sorry for that.

It was hard for Dean not to think about what happened some days ago, when he fingered Cas, it was so hard not to have fantasies about fucking Cas, but it seems that finally, those thoughts and fantasies are quiet. They come back once in a while, but after some long days, Dean managed to push away all of that and he focused on different things. And no one of them has had one of those breakdown moments, which is a relief. They have this messy and complicated thing, but lately, it hasn’t been like any of those days when they fall apart and it seems as if they were a couple, because honestly, sometimes they look like a couple.

It’s Saturday, and Dean is about to leave to go to Cas’ apartment. Sam is spending the night at home with one of his friends, Kevin. Dean knows the kid, he has come home a couple of times. He is one year younger than Sam and he is in Sam’s class, because the kid is fucking smart. And as Sam, he is a geek too, although sometimes Kevin talks more with Dean when it comes to TV shows.

“Okay, I’m leaving.” Dean announces. “Kevin, I’m sure you’ll watch over my little brother.” He teases.

“I’ll try. But he is a giant, I don’t know how much I’ll resist if he does something.” Kevin says with a grin.

“You know I’m older than him, right?” Sam asks annoyed. Dean knows how much his little brother hates that he still treats him like a little kid. But Sam has grown up a lot, and he had to grow up fast too, but not as fucking fast as Dean, not at that scary speed. He had a proper childhood, but when Sam became a teenager, he had to grow up fast and he was the one who faced John first.

Dean just chuckles. “I know you two won’t do anything bad. I could just leave you a porn movie and you wouldn’t even watch it.” He makes a sarcastic grimace. Both of them glare him, which makes Dean to grin wider. “Have fun, you two.”

“Bye” Sam and Kevin say at unison.

Dean drives the Impala to Castiel’s apartment, singing out loud _It’s my Life_ by Bon Jovi, because Bon Jovi rocks on occasion, when he isn’t a sappy guy. He is always in a good mood when he has to drive his baby and he can hear his music as loud as possible, because Sam is always complaining about it and warning Dean that he is going to be deaf one of these days, so Dean has to seize every moment he is alone to do this. But he is also in a good mood because he is going to see Cas.

Once Dean is waiting outside in the hall for Cas to open the door, and he sees Cas behind it, Dean can’t help smiling, because he always loves seeing Cas with that pretty smile on his lips. What he isn’t expecting is Cas to throw himself and kiss Dean in a really passionate way, in the hall, as if they hadn’t seen in years. Dean is shocked at first, but then, he kisses Cas back, placing his hands on the small of Cas’ back, drawing him closer.

This is the first time Cas does this, but Cas is really affectionate, especially when Dean is about to leave; Dean now doesn’t leave without a kiss. But a greeting kiss like this is new, and Dean must admit that he really likes it.

When they pull away, Castiel pushes Dean into the apartment and closes the door. Dean is still trying to catch his breath after that breathtaking kiss. “You know it’s been just a couple of hours since we last saw, right?” Dean teases with a sassy voice.

Castiel narrows his eyes, glaring Dean a little. “It’s your fault; you have really tempting and pretty lips.” He says with an obvious voice.

Dean laughs and he cups Castiel’s face to kiss him again, as passionate as Cas did before but a bit slower. They are kissing more and more as days pass. Castiel’s kisses are addicting and great; it is so hard not to kiss Cas. It is so hard for Dean not to stay close to him, to touch him, to kiss him, to feel him…

“I’ve got a small surprise for you.” Dean murmurs when he pulls away.

Castiel arches one of his eyebrows in a suggestive way, making Dean to smile cockily. “Really? And what’s that?”

Dean doesn’t answer. Instead, he smirks and he walks towards the living room, followed by Cas. Dean starts to take off his clothes slowly, while Castiel watches him intrigued and aroused. Dean keeps his smirk on as he keeps taking his clothes. When he is about to take off his jeans, he does it really fast, revealing the pink panties he is wearing. Castiel’s jaw drops open when he sees them.

“Definitely, I wasn’t expecting that.” Castiel says surprised and with a pretty smile popping on his lips.

“I saw them and I thought, why not?” Dean says as he approaches Castiel, who is sitting on the armrest, like always. “I knew you were gonna like them.”

“That’s because the one who is wearing them is pretty hot.” He admits with a cocky and playful smile. Dean chuckles. Then, Castiel’s hands start to wander over the panties, grazing Dean’s crotch in a subtle but arousing way. After that, he sneaks his hands under the elastic of the panties, touching Dean’s cock. Soon, Castiel’s mouth moves towards Dean’s crotch and he starts to mouth the panties, feeling Dean’s hard cock under the panties.

“Cas—” Dean gasps as he feels Cas’ tongue tracing the fiber of the lingerie along his shaft. Dean closes his eyes and tilts his head back. He feels Cas’ smile when Cas moves his head up, to press a soft kiss on his belly.

Castiel’s hands squeeze the head of Dean’s cock and Dean moans. After that, Dean loses the warmth of Castiel’s hands on his dick. Cas stands up and kisses Dean in a dirty and breathtaking away. Dean pushes Castiel closer, fisting the back of his t-shirt as they kiss, following that fire Cas is made of, feeling how Cas kisses him as if he wanted to take all the air in Dean’s lungs.

His hands trace down Dean’s sides until they sneak under the panties, this time to squeeze Dean’s butt cheeks. Dean smirks and Castiel does it too. They kiss again and Castiel’s hands keep touching Dean’s ass. One of his fingers circles Dean’s hole in a teasing way, fingertip pushing into it in a warm way, so Dean groans.

“Are you always so eager to feel me inside you?” Castiel asks in that too fucking sexy voice that could make Dean come.

“Yeah.” Dean breathes out. He wants Cas inside him, removing that awful emptiness, filling him with warmth and something dangerously addicting and awesome that one of these days is going to make Dean fall really hard. But he hopes today isn’t that day.

Dean lets out a shaky moan when Castiel gets that finger in. It’s not the same and good as Cas’ cock, but it feels pretty good. Castiel bites his neck and Dean moans harder, pressing Cas’ mouth against his neck closer. He needs this, he needs Cas, every single part of his body is aching for him. They do this twice a week, and Dean needs it so bad, he needs that man to drive him crazy, to push away all Dean’s crap. He makes him forget what he is. Dean shouldn’t forget it, but he wants to when he is with Cas.

“Let’s go to the bedroom, Dean.” Castiel whispers against his skin.

They go really fast towards the bedroom and Castiel takes off his clothes extremely fast. He even tells Dean to take his panties off as well. And when they are naked, Castiel throws himself at Dean, kissing him as if they hadn’t kissed for years. Fiercely, desperate, needy and eagerly.

It doesn’t take them too long to be on the bed, with Dean resting his back on the mattress and Castiel above him. They kiss and Dean tries to touch Castiel as much as he can, tracing Castiel’s back and arms down, because he knows that most of the time Castiel likes to tie him, avoiding Dean to touch him, so Dean must seize every small moment he has to feel that glorious body on his hands and on his fingers.

Castiel starts to go down with the kisses; from Dean’s mouth to his belly, pressing quick wet kisses. Then, he spreads Dean’s legs and he looks at Dean with desire and lust. Dean looks at him and he has to close his eyes when he feels Cas’ tongue pushing in his hole. Dean bends his knees, curls his toes and he fucking twists of pleasure on the bed. Castiel’s tongue pushes deeper and Dean lets out a loud groan and moan he didn’t know he was holding.

“Cas— for fuck’s sake!” Dean groans. That tongue is out of this world.

Castiel gets his tongue out of Dean and he gets three fingers inside Dean easily and Dean moans harder. Castiel’s fingers don’t tease him like usually, they just touch where Dean needs to, making Dean to arch his back and moan really loud. It seems that Cas is willing to fuck him, because any other night, Cas would be teasing him.

After Castiel has pushed in the fourth finger and he has scissored them, he grabs a condom to put it on himself and then, he ties Dean’s wrist to the headboard. Dean doesn’t complain, but he would rather touch Cas. But he is the whore. Then, Castiel moves Dean’s legs, until the back of Dean’s knees are resting on his shoulders.

They look at each other as Cas starts to push his cock in Dean, who moans in relief when he feels Cas is balls deep. It doesn’t take more than a couple of seconds to Cas to move and to start fucking Dean in that usual hard but painless way of his.

Dean tries to look as much as he can at Cas, because he looks so fucking beautiful. But Dean’s eyelids fall down when Cas fucks him and presses in that too fucking sweet spot that makes Dean to press down his head on the pillow and let out sounds he didn’t know he could do.

Cas digs his nails on Dean’s shoulders when he moans. Dean clenches around him and Castiel presses his forehead against Dean’s. They feel each other panting, but Castiel doesn’t stop for a moment with his thrusts and neither does Dean with the rock of his hips. They don’t want to stop. They know their rhythm and they know what each other like and what they have to do to feel more pleasure. They have been doing this for months, so they know pretty well what they like.

Dean presses himself against Cas, asking for more, because he knows he can take more and Cas can give him more. Castiel fucks him harder and faster and Dean clenches around Cas and moans in a desperate way.

“Dean— love it when you are so tight—” Castiel moans against Dean’s mouth.

“Cas—!” Dean moans. He can’t say anything apart from that. The rest of the words seem so difficult to say, and it is even harder for him to make full sentences. Cas’ name comes easily, as if Dean had said it all his life.

Castiel places his hand on Dean’s cock and he starts to stroke it with quick shakes, so Dean comes easily, saying Cas’ name as loud as always when he comes. He collapses on the mattress, feeling how stars crash behind his eyeballs and his body feels boneless. And Cas is still fucking him, pressed above Dean.

When Castiel comes, he collapses onto Dean, burying his face in Dean’s neck. He mumbles something that Dean can’t understand, but he knows it must have been some praise. Dean smiles and kisses Cas’ head. They are skin to skin, feeling their sweat, Dean’s come, their shaky breathings and Dean feels fucking great.

Castiel gets out of Dean as soon as he catches his breath. He throws the condom away, falling into the bin and he lies next to Dean. He is breathing in a more normal way, but he is still panting a little.

“Cas.” Dean says. Castiel makes a humming noise and he opens his eyes. “Can you untie me?”

“Oh, damn it, I forgot it, sorry.” Castiel says blushing a lot and moving to untie Dean. “I’m sorry Dean.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.” He says with a charming smile. He knows that they are always pretty exhausted after they come, so it is easy for both of them to forget things. Dean wouldn’t have realized about being tied if he hadn’t tried to move his arms down.

“You leave me so satisfied and exhausted that I forget everything.” Castiel confesses as he puts the tie back in the drawer. Then, he lies on the bed and exhales in an exhausted way. “You are a good way to take out all the problems from my head.”

Dean rolls over, until he is lying on his side. “You wanna talk about it?”

“It’s just stress from work.” He says rubbing his eyes with one hand. Then, he takes a deep breath. “And my family. And—” He looks into Dean’s eyes and he makes a sad smile, he rolls until he is lying on his side as well and he kisses Dean. “Nothing important.”

“You are a terrible liar.” Dean says sassily.

Castiel laughs. “Do you think so? Trust me; I’m pretty good at lying.”

“Not with me.” He smirks. He knows when Cas is lying, he tries to avoid Dean’s eyes, or if he manages to look at Dean’s eyes, Castiel’s aren’t the same, they have some different sparkle on them.

Castiel just looks down and sighs. “You are different. I don’t know, it’s like if you were—” He makes a thoughtful grin. “I don’t know which word I could use.” He adds with a grimace. “It’s like you knew me better than anyone.”

“We’ve known each other for a pretty long time, Cas.” Even Cas knows a lot of things that Dean’s family and friends don’t, and he knows him pretty good.

“I know.” He starts to comb Dean’s hair with his fingers. “But there’s something different about you.” Every time Cas says different, Dean thinks that the word Cas should use is whore. “Something bright.” He sentences.

Dean makes a confused frown. “Since when are you this mystic?”

Castiel rolls his eyes and makes an acid smile. “You are an assbutt.”

“You told me that every single night we are together.” Dean says pretending to be pissed off.

Castiel chuckles. “Because you are it.” He leans on and kisses Dean sweetly.

“And you are too weird.”

“There’s nothing wrong on being weird.”

“I know.” He cups Castiel’s face and kisses him tenderly. “I’m weird too, aren’t I?”

“Yes you are.” Castiel smiles and kisses Dean again, pressing himself closer. “We should sleep.” He adds as he pulls away to switch off the lights.

“Goodnight Cas.” Dean says as Castiel tugs himself closer to Dean.

Castiel presses a small kiss on Dean’s cheek. “Goodnight to you too, Dean.”

 

Dean wakes up by the touch of Castiel’s hand on his jaw. It is still dark and Dean can see more or less the digital alarm clock on Castiel’s bedside table. It is three a.m. in the morning and Castiel is caressing Dean’s jaw with one of his hands, looking at Dean, who turns his face to stare at Cas.

They can’t see each other properly, but the moonlight that leaks through the window and the terrace door, along with some of the street lights, let them see each other in the dark. There’s light and shadows on their faces, and some parts of their eyes are lighted.

Dean looks at Castiel’s eyes, barely visible, but he can see them. Cas is looking at him as if he was the whole universe, or it seems like that. His hand is touching him in a sweet and lovely way. Dean isn’t sure why Cas is awake and much less why he is looking at him like this. Dean wants to ask, but Cas suddenly places himself above Dean and starts to kiss him sweetly, fondly and delicately, cupping Dean’s face.

This is weird. No one of them has said a word, and Dean isn’t sure if they are going to, and definitely, this kiss isn’t like the ones they have been giving to each other, there’s something more in that kiss, like a lot of affection. And it makes Dean to be filled by a sudden warmth instantly.

Dean places his hands on Cas’ back, one on the place where Cas’ blades are and the other on the small of it. Castiel keeps kissing him in that affectionate way and Dean is kissing him like that. Dean holds him tighter and closer. Their movements aren’t like usually, there aren’t arousing, they are sweet and slowly, but full of passion.

Dean knows he is letting himself go, and he thinks that Cas is letting himself go as well, but no one of them pulls away, no one of them stops. This feels more intimate than everything they have done, Dean is well aware of it, but he can’t stop. He wants it and he needs it. He would be lying if he said that he doesn’t adore how Cas is holding him and kissing him in this sweet and lovely way.

When Castiel pulls his lips away from Dean, he stares at Dean, as if he was trying to make sure that he is real. He strokes Dean’s cheeks with his hands and leans again to kiss Dean like that. His hands are now on Dean’s chest, just being there, feeling Dean’s skin. And Dean moves one of his hands, the one that was on Cas’ blades, to run it as slow as possible through the mess of Cas’ dark hair.

They both break the kiss to breathe after some long moments. They look at each other and Dean loses himself in that sea. He kisses Cas a bit needy and Castiel moans sweetly against his mouth. Now one of Cas’ hands move from Dean’s chest to Dean’s hole, slowly, as if Cas was trying to memorize with his hand every single inch of Dean’s skin.

Dean moans when he feels the finger inside him. He looks at Cas, who is breathing shakily and he kisses him again as soft and sweet as he can. He pulls away again when a second finger gets in. It isn’t like the rest of the times; there isn’t teasing or quick movements, just sweet and gentle movements, touching where Dean wants to, taking his time to do it as soft and sweet as possible, but as pleasurable as possible.

They look at each other, eyes fixed on each other’s gazes as Castiel keeps opening Dean up. It feels better than usually, closer, more intimate. Dean fucks into the fingers slowly, gasping for air. And Castiel is breathing as if he was never going to be able to do so as his free hand cups Dean’s face.

After some long moments of fingering, Dean is opened up, so Castiel pushes his fingers out of Dean, in a slow way. He grabs one condom and puts it on. Dean puts his legs around Cas’ waist and he kisses him in a sweet but needy way, placing his hands on Cas’ blades. After the kiss, Castiel starts to push his cock in Dean. He cups Dean’s face and parts his lips, looking at Dean as if nothing else in the world mattered.

Castiel starts to fuck Dean in sweet and slow thrusts. They look at each other the whole time, kissing whenever they aren’t moaning. Dean can’t take his eyes off Cas, he keeps them opened as much as he can. He only closes them when the pleasure is too high. Cas does the same; he only closes his eyes when he moans.

Something in the back of Dean’s head is trying to turn on an alarm, because they aren’t fucking, they are _making love_. This is making love, for fuck’s sake. This is too sweet, to intimate. The way they are moving, the way they are holding each other, the way they are looking at each other. But Dean buries that voice away, because he has never felt like this. He isn’t sure if he has ever made love. He feels cared and warm and lov— Not that word. If he says it, it will become a truth, and he doesn’t want that.

Dean tilts his head up because Cas has just touched that sweet spot. He feels Castiel’s hands moving his head back to its place and Dean opens his eyes. Castiel rests his forehead on Dean’s the moment Dean’s eyes are opened again. They are breathing hard, but they keep their movements; Cas with the sweet thrusts and Dean with the soft rocking. Dean even presses his hands tighter on Cas’ blades, because this feels so unreal but at the same time it feels beyond awesomeness. Cas is filling him in a lot of ways, putting warmth and things Dean hasn’t experimented before everywhere.

But the most amazing thing is how Cas is looking right now, as if he was rapt by Dean, by his eyes and by how it feels to be connected in this way. They have fucked a lot of times, and they have been connected all those times, but Dean knows this is different, there’s something more behind this. Cas is making love to him. Dean is going to be freaked out the rest of the week, but right now, he doesn’t want this to stop, he wants to feel Cas like this always, sending his body to madness in this sweet, fondly, gently and lovely way.

And the sounds Cas is making. Oh fuck, they send warmth across Dean’s body. It’s not as intense as when Dean fingered him, but it is better than when they are fucking. Dean cups Castiel’s face and he kisses him. They moan when their lips aren’t touching anymore. The only words they are saying are each other’s names. And Dean swears that his name sounds fucking beautiful coming out of Cas’ mouth, with that sweet and delicate moan.

Dean comes and he presses himself on Cas, who comes almost a few seconds after him. Dean holds him tightly, as if he thought that Cas could break into million pieces after this. Dean can even feel Cas’ heart beating. What was all of this about? Why did they make love? Why did no one pull away? Why did no one of them could stop looking at each other’s eyes? There are too many questions in Dean’s mind. He would like to know the answers, but frankly, right now, Cas is in his arms, with his forehead pressed on Dean’s, inside of Dean, and it feels great. Dean doesn’t want to let this moment go. It feels like a dream, but it isn’t a dream.

Castiel kisses Dean with some longing. After that, they look at each other again, trying to understand this moment, but right now, no one seems to care, no one wants an explanation, all they want is to be like this for tonight. Although Dean would like it to be like this every night. It felt so perfect.

Castiel makes a tiny smile that Dean mirrors. He kisses Dean briefly, but with a lot of sweetness. After the kiss, Castiel strokes Dean’s cheek with his thumb, looking at Dean’s eyes, as if he was trying to see into Dean’s soul. It lasts a few seconds, then Cas gets out of Dean and throws the condom away, towards the bin. Dean hates the loss of Cas in his being, but Cas places himself above Dean again and Dean, without thinking it twice, he holds Cas, as tight as possible, but without hurting him at all.

This felt so natural, so deep, so intimate, so perfect, and Dean is a bit scared of what it might be all of this, but right now, he just wants to sleep with Cas in his arms. They can make an exception for one night, can’t they?

 

Dean wakes up slowly, refusing to open his eyes yet. He is tired. Last night was really exhausting, and not only physically, also emotionally. Dean tried so hard to push those thoughts away, but there were moments when he couldn’t. No one of them said a word, only their names while they were making love. Whenever Dean thinks about that, he feels some shiver mixed with a warmth feeling in his body.

He decides to open his eyes a little. He sees Cas is still sleeping, lying above him, gripping Dean. Cas looks beautiful when he sleeps. He looks beautiful at any time, actually. Dean can’t help a smile at this picture. He can’t deny that he wants this, that he wants to wake up with Cas in his arms and see him sleeping, quietly, holding Dean. He has it, but Dean is being paid for it. He wants it without being paid.

Sometimes Dean wonders why Cas has to pay him for this. He is the best guy Dean knows, he shouldn’t have any trouble at finding someone. Why is he still putting up with Dean? And for how long this will last? Maybe when they are done with this, there’s a chance that they can be together. Or not. Maybe Cas will find another whore and he will fuck him. Dean should stop thinking about all of that.

Castiel makes a mumbling sound and Dean wakes up from his thoughts. He sees that Cas moves slightly and then, those blue eyes are able to be seen and Dean makes an honest smile. He finds Cas too adorable when he has just woken up.

“Hey.” Dean says.

“Hey.” Castiel mumbles sleepy. He leans into Dean’s lips and he kisses them sweetly and short.

“Feelin’ lazy, Cas?”

“It’s Sunday. It’s the only day when I can be lazy.” He answers as he buries his face in the crook of Dean’s neck.

Dean chuckles and he places one of his hands on Castiel’s shoulder, making soothing movements with his thumb on it. “I should take a shower and make breakfast.” He whispers.

Castiel frowns and shakes his head. Dean looks at him. He has his eyes closed again. Dean feels how Cas holds him tighter. “Not yet. You are warm. I want you in bed with me.” He says. Then, he opens his eyes and Dean can see the doubt in them. “Unless you have some other important things to do, then I don’t want to disturb your schedule.” He sounds ashamed.

“No, don’t worry.” Dean smiles and kisses his forehead. “I’ll stay here a bit longer.” He closes his eyes as well and buries his cheek on Cas’ messy hair. “But once I get the need to pee, I’m gonna leave bed.”

Castiel chuckles. “I expect you to do so.”

They linger in bed for almost forty minutes, until Dean has to go to the bathroom. Castiel stays in bed. Dean seizes the moment and takes a long shower. The water pressure it is too fucking awesome and he tries to take long showers. It relaxes him a lot and it makes the thoughts of his head go away. Usually, he and Cas shower together, but there are mornings like this, when Cas is feeling lazy, that Dean is the first one to use the bathroom because Cas is still lingering in bed.

Once Dean is showered, he goes towards the bedroom to find his panties. Castiel dedicates him a sweet and hussy smile when he sees Dean naked. Dean blushes a little and returns the smile. As he puts on his panties, Cas is walking towards the door and he gives Dean a sweet stroke on the small of his back as he passes by.

Dean keeps getting dressed in the living room and then, he starts to make breakfast. He is going to make some scrambled eggs with toasts and cereals with berries. He would do some pancakes, but today Cas doesn’t have butter.

“No pancakes?” Castiel asks a bit disappointed.

Dean turns his face to look at him, with his messy hair still wet from the shower and his wore t-shirt and his pyjamas pants. “No. I forgot to tell you yesterday that I used all the butter you got.”

“I’ll buy butter next time I pass by the supermarket.” He goes towards the fridge and he writes in the magnetic blackboard the word ‘butter’.

Dean starts to make the scrambled eggs in the pan and suddenly, he feels Cas embracing his waist and pressing his chest against Dean’s back. Dean’s heart skips a beat of two with that. “You are too fondly this morning.” Dean says trying to sound casual. Thankfully, Cas can’t see the blush spreading on his cheeks.

Castiel sighs and rests his chin on Dean’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything and Dean keeps cooking. He knows something isn’t right. Maybe Cas is thinking about what they did in the early morning. Does he regret it? Or does he feel ashamed about it? What did it mean to him? He was the first who initiated everything.

“What’s wrong Cas?” Dean asks. He doesn’t know what he can ask, but that question kind of involves everything.

“Nothing.” He squeezes tighter Dean.

“You said that last night. And you were lying, like now.” He puts the scrambled eggs on a dish and he starts to fry the bacon. “You can tell me, y’know?”

“I know, Dean, I know.” He takes a deep breath and kisses Dean’s neck.

“Then, why don’t you tell me?” Dean turns his face to stare at Cas’ eyes, which seem to be absent, lost in somewhere Dean doesn’t know.

“You have your problems Dean, you don’t need mines as well.”

“I’ve come to you with my crap a lot of times. I guess it is time you come to me with your crap and I try to help you with it, don’t you think?”

Castiel makes a tiny smile and meets Dean’s eyes. Then, he moves slightly so he can kiss Dean properly. It is a thankful kiss and Dean knows that it means that Cas is grateful, but he isn’t going to talk about anything. When he pulls away, he caresses Dean’s hair as he makes a pretty smile. “The bacon is going to burn, Dean.”

“Oh, fuck!” Dean says as he removes the bacon. “You can’t kiss me like that while I’m cooking! I might burn your house down!”

Castiel laughs and he kisses Dean again, this time in a happier way. He pulls away faster than before. “It would have been worth.”

“You are nuts.” Dean says with a smile. He tries to be focused on the bacon, but Cas is looking at him with that warm expression that makes Dean’s heart to melt down.

“I might be.” He simply says. “Like you.”

Dean smiles and keeps doing breakfast. They have it once it is done, they don’t talk about anything important, just the plans they have for today, which consists for both of them on being at home and spend time. Both of them are avoiding talking about what happened last night. It feels as if nothing happened, as if it wasn’t important, but Dean feels that it was something important, there was something intimate and deep about how they made love. They weren’t fucking. But he guesses it will be easy to forget it. Cas seems to have already forgotten it.

They walk towards the main door when they have finished breakfast. Castiel cups Dean’s face and gives him a sweet kiss. “See you next week, Dean.” He says with a longing voice.

“See you Cas.” And Dean cups Cas’ face and kisses him in a desperate way, hating the fact that he has to leave.

 

***

 

Castiel sees how Dean leaves and when he closes the door, Castiel presses his forehead on it and takes a deep breath. His heart aches, his mind is thinking about things he shouldn’t be thinking about, there are some strange feeling running on his body, spreading warmth through everywhere.

He shouldn’t have made love to Dean. He should have stopped, Dean should have stopped him, but no one of them did. And the way Dean was looking at him the whole time, as if Castiel was the whole universe. Castiel sits down on the floor, with his back against the door. He couldn’t sleep, and he watched Dean sleep, admiring his beauty, thinking about how he wouldn’t mind sleeping with him every single night and waking up next to him every single morning. Then, he started to touch his jaw and Dean woke up and Castiel let himself go.

He has feelings for Dean, he knows it, but he wants to fade them away. Dean doesn’t want him in that way. He knows that Dean is attracted to him, but adding feelings to this complicated messy thing they have, that would end up pretty bad. Dean likes him, Castiel is well aware of that, but Castiel has feelings for Dean, something that he knows Dean doesn’t have for him.

Castiel buries his face on his hands and exhales sharply. Dean just got under his skin so easily and so unnoticeable, that he didn’t realize about it until Dean was finally deep down under his skin. And he doesn’t want to let Dean to leave his life, but this is going to end up bad one of these days, and Castiel doesn’t want that, not only for himself, but also for Dean.

Those extremely green eyes have made him fall and there’s no coming back.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys. As always thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)
> 
>  **Important:** I'm sorry to tell you that next week I won't be able to update because I have another week of exams, this time is the last week, so once that week is over, I will be able to update every week. So chapter 16 will be posted on the **16th of February**. Sorry for the waiting.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel greets as he opens the door and draws Dean into a happy kiss.

Dean smiles in the kiss and he presses himself against Cas. “Hey Cas.” Dean says when they are no longer kissing.

Castiel steals a sweet kiss from his lips before he goes to close the door. Dean meanwhile walks towards the living room. Dean loves being in this apartment. He loves seeing Cas behind that door, greeting him with his sweet smile and his sweet kisses. Dean hasn’t forgotten about the night they made love, even if no one of them has talked about it. It has been three weeks since then, but Dean can’t forget it. He still dreams about it, about the way they were looking at each other, about the way the held each other, about the way they touched each other…

But Dean is a professional, and he mustn’t speak about it. Cas needed that and that’s all. It doesn’t matter if it felt as something very different and intimate for Dean. He’s just Castiel’s whore.

Castiel comes to the living room, while Dean is starting to take off his boots. He is with that pretty smile he always wears. Dean’s heart sinks a little when Castiel smiles at him like that, and he can’t help mirroring that smile. It is so easy to smile at Cas, to be with him. There are always those doubts, those confusing feelings and those questions in Dean’s mind, but once Cas smiles at him, or kisses him, or touches him, all those things seem to fade away, although they are still there. But Cas is able to remove most of it with the littlest thing.

When Dean is fully naked, Castiel cups Dean’s face and kisses him, tenderly. His kisses have become sweeter and tenderer. They are still fiercely when they are fucking, but the rest of the time, they are extremely sweet. Dean loves any of the kisses Cas gives him.

Castiel starts to press kisses and to leave hickeys on Dean’s neck as his hands trace down Dean’s sides. Dean moans and closes his eyes, tilting his head, making more room for Castiel. Dean doesn’t know how or when his hands decided to sneak under the waist coat and the shirt the blue eyed man is wearing. Cas doesn’t complain, he just smiles against Dean’s skin when he feels Dean’s hand on his skin. Cas is too warm under Dean’s skin.

“Always so eager to feel me.” Castiel whispers into the crook of Dean’s neck.

Dean gasps. “Can’t blame me for that. You’re hot.” Dean says with a soft smirk.

Castiel moves his mouth away from Dean’s neck and he cups with one hand, Dean’s face, in a tight way, forcing Dean’s eyes to meet his, but it isn’t a hard touch. It is a firm one but gentle. Dean sinks in the sea of Castiel’s eyes, as he always does when does sapphire are on him, before Castiel leans and kisses Dean in a dirty way, tongue pushing into his mouth, tracing the roof of it, making Dean to moan.

“Dean.” Castiel says when he pulls away. Dean can see how swollen and wet his lips are, calling Dean to kiss them again.

“Yeah?” Dean asks. His eyes go back from Cas’ mouth to his eyes; black pupils dilated, only leaving a tiny circle of blue around them, filled with lust and want and so much warmth.

“Can you blow me now?” He sounds needy.

Dean smirks. “Of course.” He kisses Castiel again, in a breathtaking way. Castiel gasps when Dean stops. “Anything you want.”

Castiel nods and pulls away from Dean’s grip. He undresses really fast, dropping his expensive clothes to the armchair where Dean always leaves his. When Cas is fully naked, he grabs Dean and kisses him as if he spent decades without kissing him. Sometimes Dean gets the feeling that Castiel really needs him, that he is as desperate as Dean is of being close to him, of being each other skin against skin.

Castiel drops onto the couch and Dean kneels in front of him, spreading Cas’ legs so he can blow him properly. Before Dean gets his mouth on Cas’ cock, Castiel cups his face and strokes his cheekbones with his thumbs. Dean kisses one of the blue eyed man’s palms. Then, Cas’ hands go directly to Dean’s hair, gripping him tightly and Dean starts to get Cas’ cock inside his mouth.

Dean bobs his head up and down, working with his tongue along the shaft. Castiel nails Dean’s scalp and moans really hard as Dean swallows him completely. Dean can’t help looking through his eyelashes at Cas right now; he looks so rapt and he looks fucking beautiful. And the way he sounds, it makes Dean’s cock twitch.

Dean keeps sucking Cas’ cock, pressing his lips harder, swirling his tongue, pushing the cock until it hits his throat, making Dean to moan. Castiel rocks his hips and his back arches. He even pushes Dean downer, and Dean swallows the cock even more. He starts to suck Cas’ balls after a while and Castiel moans his name louder and he even slides down the couch a little. After tracing the balls with his tongue for a while, Dean is back to the cock, and he starts to play with the head of it. It earns him sweet little moans from Cas, with swears and Dean’s name on it.

After that, Dean goes back to swallow the cock completely, pushing it inside his mouth as deep as he can, until it hits his throat again, making him to moan and to close his eyes. He bobs his head up and down, faster than before, pressing his lips even more. After a while, Castiel finally comes and the warm liquid fills Dean’s mouth. He keeps blowing Cas, slower, until he has swallowed all the come.

Dean looks at Cas; his head is tilted up, back of it resting on the back of the couch. His lips are parted and he is panting. Dean smiles proudly, because he always feels great when he can leave Cas like this.

“Dean—” Castiel starts to say. His hands are cupping Dean’s face, stroking it sweetly. He opens his eyes and looks at Dean. “I never get tired of your blowjobs.”

Dean chuckles. “I know.”

Castiel chuckles too. “Sit with me.”

Dean sits on the couch, next to Castiel, who moves until Dean’s back is pressed against his chest and he embraces Dean’s chest. He kisses Dean’s shoulder and Dean smiles. “You seem exhausted.” He murmurs a bit mischievously. He can feel that Cas is still feeling the afterglow of coming.

“You are a fucking cocky bastard.” Castiel murmurs into Dean’s hair. Dean can’t help laughing. It is so rare to hear Cas swearing when they aren’t doing anything sexual. “What do you expect after such an extraordinary blowjob?”

Dean turns and shows Cas his proud smirk. Then he kisses him, tenderly and he can feel Cas smiling in it. Then, Castiel pushes Dean closer, holding him firmly. Cas likes to cuddle. He tries to hide it, but lately, he doesn’t even try to hide it. He doesn’t care if he is the one that cuddles or the one cuddled. And Dean really loves that. He likes how they are tangled together and how Cas likes to run his fingers through Dean’s short hair, or how he hums a song sometimes.

The phone rings and Castiel sighs. Dean looks at him and he can see an apologetic look in Castiel’s eyes. “I should pick it. It might be important.” Castiel says. Dean simply nods.

Castiel reaches the phone, without moving one of his hands away from Dean. The phone is on the small table next to the couch, so Castiel picks it easily. “Hello?” Castiel asks. Dean rests the back of his head on Cas’ shoulder. He can hear the muffled voice of a woman on the other side of the phone, but he can’t hear what she is speaking. “No, Anna, I wasn’t busy.” He lies and rolls his eyes. Dean chuckles. Castiel smiles at him in a shy way. “What is it?”

Dean nuzzles Cas’ neck softly and Castiel smiles and blushes. Dean knows he is talking with his sister. If it wasn’t someone from Cas’ family or someone important, like for example, someone from work, Dean would be teasing Cas. But although Castiel’s sister supports Cas’ homosexuality, she doesn’t know about Dean, so Dean isn’t going to give Cas any trouble.

“Seriously?” Castiel asks irritated. “On Christmas too? I spent Thanksgiving with all of you, and although it didn’t go too bad, I would really appreciate not having to go through that again.”

Dean can feel Cas is getting irritated. He presses a kiss where Cas’ shoulder and neck meet and Castiel makes a sweet timid smile. But it only last a few seconds, until he talks again to his sister.

“Anna, please I don’t care if it’s Christmas, I just—” He takes a deep breath.

Dean looks at him worried. He knows that Cas’ family doesn’t like him too much, except Anna, who appreciates him a lot. And when there’s something about Cas’ family going on, he is always irritated and tense. So Dean, without thinking it twice, he grabs Cas’ hand and holds it tightly. Castiel blushes a lot and gives him a confused look, but Dean simple makes a tiny smile and with his thumb, he caresses the back of Cas’ hand soothingly. Holding their hands isn’t something they should do, but Dean wants to give Cas some kind of comfort, and this is something that seems to work for other people.

Castiel squeezes his hand and smiles. “I don’t need to show them anything, Anna. All years it’s the same. I want one Christmas by myself, without feeling awkward and uncomfortable.” He squeezes Dean’s hand tighter. “It would be better for all of us if I didn’t show up. You saw last week how Thanksgiving went. There wasn’t any place for me in there, everyone except you wished I wasn’t there, they just keep inviting me to pretend to be nice.”

Thanksgiving was last week. Dean and Sam celebrated like all the years with Bobby, but this year there was an exception; Jody Mills joined them. Bobby has been after her for a long time, but he isn’t too good when it comes to flirt with women, but finally, he nutted up and he and Jody are together. Dean and Sam know her for years, she has known Bobby for too long and she has seen the Winchester brothers grow up. It was a great surprise to see her with Bobby. And she will be at Christmas with them. Luckily, Dean’s Thanksgiving and Christmas are always nice, unlike Castiel’s.

“Okay. I’ll go.” Castiel finally says devastated and so tired. Dean looks at him; his eyes are a little glassy and he has his tired frown. “But once the dinner it’s over, I’ll leave.” He sighs and he looks down, avoiding Dean’s eyes. “Okay. Bye, Anna.” He hangs up and leaves the phone on its place.

“Hey.” Dean starts to say as he squeezes Cas’ hand to give him some more comfort. Cas is still looking down. “Are you okay?” He knows Cas isn’t okay right now, but he still asks.

“No.” He takes a deep breath and leans his head on Dean’s shoulder. “I don’t want to go to my parent’s house on Christmas and see them and my brothers. I had enough on Thanksgiving.”

“Then, why did you agree on going?”

Castiel finally decides to meet Dean’s eyes. “To show them that I still can show there without being hurt by them. That I’m better than them.”

“Cas, you don’t want to be there and you feel bad when you are there. You don’t have to show them anything. If they cared about you, if they accepted you, they would be the ones calling you instead of Anna.”

“Dean— just—” He buries his face on Dean’s neck. “Can we stop talking about this?”

“Okay.” Dean sighs and presses a kiss on Castiel’s hair. “But can I just say one last thing?”

Castiel exhales sharply. “Go ahead.” He says huffy.

“You are big enough to take your own decisions. You don’t have to show anyone anything. You are an awesome human being, Cas. If your family can’t see that, then screw them. You are already better than them, but they refuse to see it. If you don’t want to go, don’t go, but don’t try to prove them anything, you don’t owe them a shit. If they can’t see what an awesome son and brother they have, it’s their problem; not yours.”

Castiel doesn’t say anything. He presses a small kiss on Dean’s skin. Dean hates when Cas looks like this; all broken, tired and devastated. And he hates that it is his family the ones who bring him down.

“I hate seeing you like this, you know?” Dean starts to say casually. He should shut his piehole, he knows it, but he wants to cheer Cas up, who has raised his eyes to meet Dean’s. “You are usually happy, bright and I hate when you look this devastated.”  
“I don’t like it either.” Castiel snaps.

“I can tell that, mister sassiness.” He says with a grimace. Castiel lets out an acid laugh. “Do you want me to do something awkward until you are smiling again and calling me assbutt?” He says as he nuzzles Castiel’s nose in a childish way.

A tiny smile appears on Castiel’s lips. “Maybe.”

“So do you like to see how I embarrass myself huh?”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Yeah, you did.” Dean says with a wide smile. He can see that Cas’ mood is going back to a good one, slowly, but it is something.

“You are an assbutt.” Castiel says as he tries to avoid a smile.

“There it is! Calling me an assbutt.” Dean can’t help smiling as big as he is doing now. “And you gotta show me that pretty smile you are trying too hard to hide.” He asks for. Castiel glares him a little and he presses his lips even more to hide his smile. “C’mon, Cas, you are willing to show me that pretty smile of yours.”

Castiel finally gives up and he smiles, blushing as his smile gets bigger. Then, he kisses Dean as lovely as possible. “How do you do it, Dean?” Castiel asks with a sweet voice. “How do you make me smile this easily?”

Dean shrugs. “You must have a weak spot for me.” Dean leans and kisses Castiel again. It is a slow but tender kiss. He wishes he could kiss him like this more often, showing him how much he cares about him. But he only can kiss him like this when Cas is sad and needs kisses like this.

“How about we go to the bedroom?” Castiel asks. Dean nods and both of them stand up from the couch and walk towards the bedroom, as quick as always. They have walked and run this path several times.

Castiel kisses Dean fiercely and needy, arousing filling the kiss, hands everywhere tracing up and down Dean’s body. Dean never realizes how much he has missed this during the week. He knows he misses it, but once Castiel starts to touch him like this, to kiss him with this anticipation, this eager, this need, Dean realizes that he missed this too fucking much.

“Can I put you a cock ring tonight?” Castiel asks in between a kiss.

“Of course, Cas. You don’t have to—” But Dean can’t finish the sentence because Castiel’s tongue is pushing into his mouth.

“I have to ask. I always have to ask.” He says as he presses his body against Dean. “Don’t want to hurt you.” He starts to suck Dean’s earlobe as his hands keep stroking Dean, sending warmth everywhere, making Dean’s knees to go weak.

“You never hurt me Cas. You’ll never hurt me.” Dean gasps as his hands trace down Cas’ back, feeling how the muscles move under the skin.

“I want you to ride me, Dean.” Castiel whispers into his ear. Dean shivers a little. That voice, so close to his ear, feeling how it gets into his ear, it drives Dean crazy. “While you wear that cock ring. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, Cas, it’s okay.” Dean breathes out.

Castiel nods and pushes Dean onto the mattress. Dean lets himself drop easily and Castiel climbs above him, rocking and rubbing his body against Dean’s, kissing him in a breathtaking way. Then, Castiel moves away and puts the cock ring on Dean’s cock. Dean has used this a couple of times with some clients. No one of them turned out to be good. They kept the cock ring for too long that it hurt Dean when he came. But he trusts Cas. He knows that Cas won’t let him have it for too long.

They switch places. Dean is above Cas, who has the condom already on, and Cas is under Dean, with his back on the mattress. Castiel starts to open Dean up with his fingers. Dean fucks into the fingers and lets Cas open him and tease him a little, like he always does, until Dean is fully prep for him.

Dean’s knees are on the mattress, pressing their side to Castiel’s hips. Dean starts to feel the head of Castiel’s cock and he fucks into it slowly, until it is all settled inside him. Dean lets out a breath, the one he didn’t know he was holding. He places his hands on Castiel’s chest. It’s great not to be tied up tonight and being able to touch Castiel, who is looking at Dean with that look, the look that sends Dean to madness, the look that makes Dean feel as if Cas and he were the only human beings in the world.

Almost immediately, Dean starts to ride Castiel, pushing the cock in and out of him, rocking his hips just the way he knows it makes Cas’ whole body to tremble and his back to arch.

“Dean—” Castiel moans. “Dean— so good—”

Dean smiles happily. He keeps riding Cas, harder. He wants to feel Cas for the rest of the week, he wants that feeling of knowing that he felt full and complete. He is crazy about Cas, too crazy. Dean tilts his head back and moans Castiel’s name when that wonderful cock hits that sweet spot.

He feels Castiel’s hands on his thighs, nails digging in his skin. Dean looks at Cas, all lips parted and eyes closed, being a complete mess. He looks so fucking beautiful and rapt. And Dean rides him harder and clenches around him, changing his angle a little, making Castiel to shake and scream Dean’s name.

Dean’s hands trace down Cas’ chest and sides, he wants to touch him everywhere, to feel that wonderful body and memorize it with his hands. He keeps rocking his hips, riding that cock, without stopping for a single moment.

“Look at me, Dean— look at me, please.” Castiel whines in a moan.

Dean opens his eyes and he looks at Cas. He looks so beautiful. “Cas—” Dean moans and closes his eyes because he can’t keep them opened when Cas’ cock touches him in that way, but he opens them as soon as he can. “Cas— you—” Dean moans harder and Castiel does the same.

Dean moves one of Cas’ hand to his chest and Castiel caresses it. Dean rocks his hips needier and Castiel bends his knees and his body fucking twists, but he keeps himself in place while Dean keeps riding him, keeping it steady, not wasting any rock of his hips. He clenches around Cas again.

“Dean— so tight!” Castiel closes his eyes and presses his head on the pillow.

Castiel comes almost immediately after that. His body tenses but then relaxes. But Dean keeps riding him. He can’t come yet. Until Cas doesn’t take the cock ring, he won’t be able to come, and he needs to, his cock is twitching, the urge of coming is getting stronger, but he won’t have that relief until Cas removes the cock ring.

“Dean.” Castiel starts to say.

“I need to come, Cas.” Dean says without stopping riding him. Cas’ cock is softened inside him.

Castiel places his hands on Dean’s hips, making him to stop. Dean looks at him with a confused frown. Cas gets out of him and Dean grunts and whines. He hates the loss of it. Then, Castiel moves both of them, until Dean is sitting on the bed, with his back on the headboard and Castiel is in front of him. “I’m not done with you.” Castiel whispers into Dean’s mouth before kissing him.

Dean feels one of Castiel’s hands on his cock, stroking him. Dean grunts into the kiss. He needs to come so badly. “Cas— please—”

“Not yet, Dean.” Castiel says with that sexy voice. He presses a kiss on Dean’s jaw. Dean can’t open his eyes, it is so hard. “Can you hold on a little bit more? You look gorgeous right now.” He whispers as his other hand caresses Dean’s chest.

“Okay.” Dean pants. He places one of his hands on Castiel’s hair and runs his fingers through it desperate.

Dean is gasping, he doesn’t know how he is still breathing. His muscles are shaking and his cock is twitching with every single stroke Cas makes on his cock. He wants to come so bad. He groans when Castiel squeezes the head of his cock.

“You are a fucking teaser.” Dean groans.

“Yes I am.” Castiel agrees and kisses Dean fiercely. Both of his hands cup Dean’s face as he rocks his hips slightly, so Dean can feel the rim of Cas’ ass on his cock. It is so tempting.

“Cas— please.” Dean begs.

“Don’t worry, Dean.” His hands stroke the sharp line of Dean’s jaw. “It won’t take too long.”

Dean feels Cas moving away and suddenly, Castiel’s lips are on his cock, licking and sucking the head of it, and Dean moans and groans desperately. That tongue does extraordinary things on Dean’s swollen cock and Dean can’t stop moaning harder than ever; he is so sensitive right now. It goes like that for a few moments until Castiel finally takes off the cock ring and Dean comes, harder than ever, with an extremely loud orgasm that he is sure the whole building has heard, but he doesn’t care right now. He feels boneless, stars are crashing under his eyeballs and he feels too fucking good.

After a while, Dean feels Cas sitting on his lap and he speaks. “Dean.”

Dean opens his eyes and he sees that Cas’ face is all covered with his come and he has one of his eyebrows raised. Dean didn’t realize he came on Cas’ face. “Holy fuck, Cas.” Dean starts to say a bit ashamed. Although that voice doesn’t last long because he starts to laugh hysterically; Cas looks hilarious with Dean’s come all over his face. “I’m so sorry, really.” Dean says in between laughs.

“Do you? Because you are laughing your ass now.” He says sassily. But he doesn’t sound angry or pissed off, he sounds kind of happy.

“Cas, you look hilarious.” Dean says as he laughs.

“You know what? You are going to lick your come off my face.” He says pretending to be pissed off and putting a pout.

Dean places his hand on Cas’ nape, drawing him into a kiss. “I already had that in my mind.” He says biting his lower lip. Then, he starts to lick his come from Cas’ face. “It’s your fault, y’know?” Dean teases as he licks one of Castiel’s cheeks.

“You could have waited some seconds to come. Enough time for me to pull my face away.” He sasses.

“Sorry, but I wanted to come so bad.” 

“I can tell.” He chuckles. He cups Dean’s face with one of his hands and kisses him dirtily, trying to taste Dean’s come in his mouth. Dean arches one of his eyebrows in a suggestive way. Castiel smiles and licks his own lips. “I like your come.”

“You do?” Dean asks surprised. Castiel nods. “Next time when I come, instead of cleaning me with one of those wet wipes, clean me with your tongue.” He makes a cocky smirk.

Castiel chuckles and he bites Dean’s lower lip for a little. “Maybe I’ll do it next time.” He confesses. Dean likes how that sounds and he kisses Cas sweetly for that. Then, he keeps wiping off the come from Cas’ face with his tongue. “It didn’t hurt you, right? The cock ring?”

“No. Although if you had kept it for longer, it would have started to hurt.” He presses a kiss on Cas’ cheek. “You removed it in the perfect time.”

“Good.” He smiles and Dean has to kiss it. He loves the feeling of that smile when they kiss. “Do you always have to kiss me when I smile?” He asks when Dean is back to licking his face.

“Don’t you like it?” For a moment Dean’s heart stops. What if he is crossing too many lines and Castiel is realizing about them?

“Of course I like it.” Castiel sounds insulted by the question. Dean smiles, feeling really relieved. “It’s just that every time I smile, you kiss me.”

“I already told you that I like your smile.” Dean confesses. He loves that smile too much, more than he should. “And you also kiss me every time that I smile.” He raises his eyebrows, looking at Cas in an obvious way. Castiel blushes a little. Then he kisses him happily.

Dean, after the kiss, starts to lick Cas’ chin, the last place covered with his come. But when all the come is gone, Dean starts to kiss Castiel’s neck. Castiel moans slightly and tilts his head to the opposite side where Dean’s mouth is, so Dean can kiss him better. Dean doesn’t do hickeys, he isn’t sure if he is allowed to, so he kisses and licks the neck and Castiel finds it really good just by judging the sounds he is making and how his body shivers a little.

“Do you want me to come again, Dean?” Castiel asks in a moan.

“Maybe.” Dean teases. His hands are placed on the small of Castiel’s back, fingers brushing where Castiel’s ass begins.

Castiel hums a sweet noise. “Dean—” Castiel’s hand is on Dean’s shoulder while the other is on Dean’s hair. He rocks his hips on Dean’s lap, rubbing his half hard cock against Dean’s; it is surprisingly that after coming some minutes ago Cas is already half hard again. “Do you want to finger me?”

Dean freezes for a moment. Did he hear right? Cas is asking him again to finger him. Dean loved it too much the first and last time he did that. Cas looked and sounded so fucking perfect. But that time they weren’t looking at each other, and now they are. He has been wanting to do that since the first time, even if he tried so hard not to think about it or desire it, but holy shit, Cas wants him to finger him again and there’s no possible way Dean is going to say no to that.

“Yeah.” Dean says moving his face away from Cas’ neck. “Do you want me to finger you?” He is fucking teasing Cas with his sexier voice. He shouldn’t be doing this, but he doesn’t care right now.

“I do.” Cas finally says.

Dean nods and he moves his right hand to Castiel’s lips. “Lick them.”

Castiel licks Dean’s fingers, putting a lot of enthusiasm on them. Dean’s cock twitches with that, because Cas is staring directly as his eyes as he licks Dean’s fingers. Dean is sure that right now he has forgotten how to breathe, he isn’t sure that his heart is beating anymore. The way Castiel is looking at him, all desire, want, need and lust, and how he is licking Dean’s fingers, leaves Dean speechless.

When the fingers are wet enough, Castiel releases them from his mouth with a popping sound. Dean swallows hard because holy shit, Cas is looking at him with a fire of desire burning in his eyes. Dean is going to curse himself tomorrow morning when he remembers all of this and the fact that he is going to finger Cas again. But right now, although there are warning bells ringing in the back of his mind, everything inside Dean wants this.

Dean gets one finger inside Castiel, who lets out a relieved breath. The blue eyed man fucks into the finger slowly, without taking his eyes off Dean. This is much better than the first time, because they are staring at each other’s eyes, so close, with their noses grazing.

He gets another finger inside Castiel. Dean gasps, because Cas is so tight and warm around his fingers. Castiel moans and bites his lower lip. He rocks his hips slowly, fucking again into the fingers. Dean’s fingers push forward, touching everywhere. Castiel shivers a little and tilts his head back.

“Dean—” Castiel moans as his hands go directly to Dean’s hair, combing it desperate but slowly. Then, he presses his forehead against Dean’s and they look at each other, as if they haven’t seen for years. “Dean—” He moans again.

Cas is fucking trembling. Dean kisses him sweetly and slowly, pushing his tongue to lick Cas’ lips. He feels Cas clenching around him and Dean gasps. His other hand is on one of Cas’ hips. He strokes that soft skin in a gentle way as he gets another finger inside Castiel. The moan Castiel makes is better than the ones before.

Dean can’t help wondering what it would feel like to have his cock inside Castiel, feeling that warmth around his cock, feeling how tight he is. That must be better than anything. With that thought, his cock twitches harder.

“Dean—!” Castiel screams when Dean’s fingers brush his prostate. Dean kisses Castiel’s neck desperate, willing to taste him as his fingers keep working inside the other man. He barely has a chance to have Cas like this, to touch and kiss him like this that he can’t stop himself. “Oh— Dean—!” He moans again. He even digs his nail on Dean’s scalp.

Castiel’s warmth is addicting. Dean pushes Castiel’s body closer to his, leaving no space. He buries his face in the crook of Cas’ neck as he kisses it and he gets another finger inside Castiel, whose body shakes in a too fucking wonderful way, and the sound he makes, it sends pleasure to every single corner inside Dean.

“Don’t stop Dean.” Castiel begs. Dean moves his face from the neck to stare directly at Cas, with his eyes half closed and his lips parted, all his body surrendered to Dean. “This feels good.” He breathes out. He tries to open his eyes and stare at Dean. “Dean—”

And Dean keeps working with his fingers inside Castiel, looking how Castiel is so close to losing it all. Dean loves having Cas like this. Cas is clinging himself on Dean, pressing their bodies together as he keeps moaning and shaking and rocking and shivering as Dean’s fingers keep doing crazy things to him.

Dean wants to memorize every single face Cas is making right now, along with the sounds that are coming from his mouth. He wants to lock this is his mind and remember it, because he is the one who is making Cas look and sound like this, and it is awesome and gorgeous. And it isn’t only making Dean’s cock to twitch, it is making him feel things he is trying so hard not to let them out, sending warmth across his chest and making him feel better than ever.

Suddenly, one of Cas’ hands go to their cocks and he starts to jerk both of them off. Dean moans and groans, because it feels too good to feel their cocks rubbing together as Cas moves his hand up and down them with steady looks. Fucking Cas, he is jerking them off and fucking into Dean’s fingers as if there was no tomorrow. And Dean feels better and better.

“Cas— holy fuck—!” Dean moans into Cas’ mouth.

Castiel makes a smile. “Yeah— holy fuck—”

They come at the same time. Dean falls onto the headboard and Castiel falls onto him. Their bodies are trembling, they are panting and they are covered with sweat. Dean gets his fingers out of Castiel, who whines at the loss and Dean presses his hand on Cas’ hip, pulling him closer. 

“You make me feel alive, Dean.” Castiel whispers into Dean’s throat.

Dean wants to let out a sob or something. He doesn’t know why exactly, but he keeps it in his throat. He holds Cas tightly, as if he was afraid of him leaving. The truth is that Dean doesn’t want this to end. Tomorrow everything will be like always. This is just a relationship between a whore and a client, but right now, it doesn’t feel like that. Cas is in his arms, breathing hard, buried in Dean’s body, and Dean wants to have him in his arms, forever.

He just wishes things were different. He wishes he wasn’t Cas whore, that he and Cas were boyfr— No! He can’t think this. He has already crossed the line too far, he can’t get further. This is starting to be something bad for him, he should stop, he should be the professional he is.

But he can’t. Fuck, he can’t. He wants Cas so bad. Dean takes a deep breath and holds Cas tighter. And surprisingly, Cas holds him tighter too, with the hand that isn’t covered with come, until there’s no inch left in between them. He is seeking for Dean’s skin and warmth.

“You make me feel alive too, Cas.” Dean finally says in a murmur.

He feels Castiel’s sweet smile on his skin, followed by a sweet kiss. Then, Castiel pulls away and he kisses Dean’s mouth. He dedicates him a smile after that and his blue eyes seem to try to tell Dean something, but Dean doesn’t know what it might be. He doesn’t have time to think about it, because Cas pushes one of his fingers inside Dean’s mouth and Dean starts to lick it, tasting both of their comes.

Castiel pushes another one and Dean licks them enthusiastically, moaning about those fingers that drive Dean crazy, without taking his eyes from Cas, just like Cas did before. Then, Castiel licks the remaining fingers and when he has them without their comes, he kisses Dean, in a spirited way.

“We should go to sleep.” Castiel says.

“Yeah.” Dean simply says. His hands trace down Cas’ back, feeling the sweat getting cold. “Cas.” He starts to say. He takes a deep breath.

“Yes Dean?” Castiel asks in a murmur. Dean knows he is tired and feeling sleepy.

“I—” Dean doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. Words are stuck in his throat. There are so many things he wants to tell Cas. What the hell is he doing? He can’t do this. It will fuck things up. He looks at Cas’ expectant eyes and Dean just simply smiles and with one of his hands combs Castiel’s dark hair, all messy and sweaty. “I really like spending my nights with you.”

Castiel makes that beautiful smile that makes Dean’s heart to skip some beats. “Me too.” He kisses Dean tenderly after that. “I don’t want this to end.”

Castiel kisses Dean again and then, he gets into the bed. Dean does the same. As always, Castiel snuggles himself on Dean, until Dean is holding him. Castiel’s head rests on Dean’s shoulder and there’s a soft smile on his face. He falls asleep easily, but Dean stays awake for a little longer.

Dean kisses Castiel’s hair and whispers “Me neither, Cas.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry fro these two hiatus. I intend on updating a new chapter every week like I used to do before :)
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :)

“Merry Christmas guys!” Charlie exclaims as she gets through the door. She is with her Angry Birds’ winter hat and her Gryfindor’s scarf, all covered by the snow that’s been falling the whole day.

“Christmas it’s tomorrow Charlie.” Dean says. He is sitting on the couch, reading one of his Vonnegut’s books while Sam is watching some documentary about Egyptian’s history.

Charlie rolls her eyes and drops her bags down to the floor as she closes the main door. “Don’t you get tired of saying that every year?” She sasses.

“Don’t you get tired of having this discussion every year?” He smirks and sounding as smug as possible. Charlie always comes to visit them on Christmas Eve and they exchange presents. She always does that because she always spends Christmas with her family in Chicago. Sam and Dean always spend Christmas Eve at Bobby’s and Christmas at their own house. It’s the day Dean decides to do pie for everyone and a lot of pastries. Sam is always complaining that he gains a lot of weight because Dean goes crazy in the kitchen, but Dean is always trying to stop his brother from stealing cookies all the time.

“Ignore him.” Sam says. “Merry Christmas Charlie!” He stands up and hugs her.

“See? Your brother is nicer.” Charlie says glaring Dean.

Dean rolls his eyes and stands up. He draws Charlie into a hug and the ginger smiles happily. “Merry Christmas Eve, your highness.”

Charlie laughs happily and bright. “That’s better.” She smiles at him. “Okay, I got your presents.” She picks the bags and shakes them. “This is for Sam.” She hands him the white bag and Sam picks it enthusiastically. “And this is for Dean.” And she gives Dean the green bag.

“No way!” Sam exclaims happily and Dean turns his face to look at his little brother. He is holding some books. “Where did you get them?” He asks. Dean approaches and sees that the books are from mythology and supernatural beings, something that Sam really likes. They seem to be pretty old, but they are in really good conditions. “I’ve been looking for some of these for years!”

“It took me a while to find them. But I just spend a couple of hours searching on the internet, and I finally found a bookstore where they sold them. Do you like them?”

“I love them! Thank you so much Charlie!” Sam walks towards her and hugs her tightly, lifting her a little from the floor. Sam is four years younger than Charlie, but he is taller than her. Actually, Sam is taller than everyone.

“C’mon Dean, open yours!” Charlie says as she shakes her hands.

Dean can’t help smiling. He was never a fan of Christmas, because his mother was dead and his father was nowhere to be seen. But he always made Christmas for Sam, and his little brother got him with the bright spirit, and it became bigger as they grew up and they celebrated Christmas with Bobby and Charlie. Now, Christmas is happy for Dean. He wishes that his mother was here, and that his father was it too, being sober and not being a complete douchebag, but he has Sam, Charlie and Bobby to celebrate Christmas with, and that’s more than Dean ever expected.

He opens the gift and he finds a box with a Clint Eastwood figure, one of these that cost about 500$ or so. And in that figure, Clint Eastwood is dressed with the clothes from the film _The Good, The Bad and The Ugly_. Dean looks at the box with his jaw opened and then at Charlie, who is grinning widely. “Charlie, holy shit, this is too fucking expensive.” Dean starts to say.

“Actually, it is, but I found it on the internet with an eighty percent discount, so I had to buy it for my friend who has a little crush on Clint Eastwood.” Charlie says laughing.

“Just a little?” Sam says chuckling.

Dean kicks his little brother’s leg. “Holy shit, thanks a lot Charlie!” Dean draws her into a tight hug, lifting her from the floor a little as well. Charlie is laughing in that bright way of hers. “I love it. I fucking love it. Thanks a lot.”

“You are welcome Dean.”

“You are gonna get two pies for this!”

Charlie laughs brightly. “I like that.” Dean and Sam walk towards their Christmas tree, because under it, there are the presents. “I don’t know what you would have done to me if I brought you the real Clint Eastwood.” She jokes.

“You don’t wanna know, Charlie.” Sam teases. Dean glares him and Sam smiles. His little brother is always really happy in Christmas, and Dean is it too. “Here’s mine, Charlie.” Sam says as he hands her the present.

“It’s heavy.” She says as she makes a thoughtful face. She removes the wrapping and when she sees it, her eyes and her jaw go wide. “Oh my seven gods! The _Star Wars_ book with all the characters’ descriptions and with all those cool extras and the history about how they made the movies!” She yells with a high pitched voice and really fast. Then, she starts to jump and she hugs Sam so abruptly, that Sam almost falls onto the floor. And Dean starts to laugh hysterically. “I love it Sam! I love it! Thank you!” She kisses Sam’s cheek and them she pulls away.

“I’m scared of your reaction after I give you my gift.” Dean says with a grimace.

“I think she hurt my back a little.” Sam comments. Dean and Charlie laugh.

“Okay, just control yourself.” Dean says handing her the gift.

“I can’t promise you anything, Dean.” She says chuckling. She starts to unwrap the gift. Like with Sam’s, her eyes go wide and her jaw drops open. Instantly, she starts to shout and jump while she holds Dean’s present. She jumps so high that she gets to be higher than Sam. The gift consists on the Tardis with all the Doctors and all their companions. It took Dean weeks to find it, but finally, some store in England had it and they shipped it to him. “The Tardis! The Doctors! The companions!” Charlie screams as she jumps. If she keeps jumping like that, she is going to smash the roof. But instead of that, she jumps into Dean and hugs him. Her legs are embracing Dean’s waist and her arms are embracing Dean’s neck.

“Charlie!” Dean says shocked. Sam is laughing his ass right now.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She says and she kisses Dean’s cheeks over and over again. Dean is getting flushed. Sam seems to find this hilarious. Charlie moves away from Dean and she hops a little. “I was looking for this for a long time! Oh my gosh, thank you!”

“Charlie, just calm down, you are about to have a heart attack or something!” Sam says worried. The truth is that Charlie looks like that.

“Guys I—” She starts to say. She is all flushed and hyperactive and even her eyes are a bit glassy because of the emotion. “The presents are perfect, I can’t tell you how much grateful I am for them.”

“We can tell.” Dean sasses. Charlie grabs one of the cushions from the couch and throws it at him. “Hey! Don’t make me take the gifts away from you.”

“Don’t you dare!” She growls as she hugs the presents. The brothers start to laugh hysterically. “Don’t laugh at me Winchesters!”

“Got time for some Christmas cookies?” Dean asks as he tries to hide his laughter.

“Yeah, I’ve a couple of hours until I have to go to the airport.” She says. The three of them walk towards the kitchen, leaving their presents on the living room. Dean offers to his brother and his friend some cookies he just made today. Tomorrow afternoon he will make more. “Save me one box of those cookies you are gonna bake tomorrow.”

“Trust me, he will make plenty of them.” Sam says.

“And you will eat all of them.” Charlie says with a warning glare. “Just put some of them away from the giant, I want my cookies. And my two pies!”

“Don’t worry. If he touches any of your cookies or your pies, I’ll cut his hair while he sleeps.” Dean says with a grin and he sits down on one of the kitchen chairs.

Charlie laughs and Sam glares him. “You are jealous of my hair, Dean.” Sam says with a grimace.

“Of that mop you have for hair?” He chuckles and Sam kicks his leg, so Dean lets out a soft groan. “Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“So what are you doing tonight? Going to Bobby’s?” Charlie asks as she gets up and walks towards the fridge to serve herself some milk.

“Yeah. Same as always.” Sam says with a huge smile. “Dean will make dinner.”

“I’m just tempted in staying just to try your dinner.”

Dean huffs a laugh. “You are in love with my food, don’t you?”

“Oh boy, you’ve got no idea.” She says with a guilty smile. Dean smiles and he remembers when Cas confessed that he really loved Dean’s food. And Charlie, like always, notices something flickering in Dean. “What is that smile for?” She starts to say with her curious voice.

“Cas also likes the way I cook.” He confesses shyly, unable to hide the happy smile that appears on his lips.

“You two are serious.”

“We aren’t.” Dean says casually.

“He bought him a present. And he is going to give him a pie.” Sam explains. Dean glares him.

“Look at you Dean! Buying presents for your boyfriend and making him a pie!” Charlie says enthusiastic.

“He’s not my boyfriend. We are just fuck buddies.” He lies. He is Cas’ whore. He will always be Cas’ whore. He tires his best to hide the pain he feels in his heart at those words.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” Sam murmurs. Dean dedicates him his deadliest glare and Sam knows that he must change the subject. “And what are your plans on tonight, Charlie?”

 

After having lunch, the Winchester brothers drive to Bobby’s. It will take some time for Dean to make dinner, although at first, like every year, they would spend an hour or so, sitting on the couch, watching TV, talking about everything.

“Do you think dad will call or he will show up tonight?” Sam asks as he looks at the road.

Dean exhales sharply. “I don’t know. I hope he doesn’t. Don’t wanna hear him or see him.” It has been two years since the last time John appeared on Christmas. He was waiting Sam and Dean outside their house and like always, Dean got the worst part. His father decided to give him as a Christmas present some bruises and a broken rib. Sam got a black eye. Since then, John Winchester hasn’t called or appeared.

“It’s been a long time since we heard about him.” His little brother doesn’t sound worried, he is saying this as if he was making a statistical problem. “Has he called you any of these days?”

“The last time he called me was in October. I haven’t heard anything from him. He will call or show up sooner or later.” He takes a deep breath. The last words he heard from his father hasn’t faded away from Dean’s mind. He hasn’t forgotten any of them. _You are just nothing Dean! Nothing! Ya hear me?! I wish I never had you! I’m ashamed of you! I wish you died instead of Mary!_ And he hasn’t forgotten how he reacted that night with Cas, and despite of everything, all the anger they went through, Cas calmed him and make him feel better.

They arrive at Bobby’s and Bobby and Jody receive Dean and Sam with a tight hug. They go towards the living room and they spend more than an hour talking about everything. Then, Dean goes to the kitchen and starts making the Christmas dinner with Jody’s and Sam’s help. Usually, Sam always comes to the kitchen to steal anything that Dean has prepared, but today, he is helping. Bobby, meanwhile is watching the TV, popping up in the kitchen to see all of them working hard. Jody once in a while tells him that he should move his ass and help them, but Bobby says that if he does so, all of them will have to go to the hospital because of food poisoning. All of them laugh and Jody kisses him.

Dean can’t help the warm feeling he gets when he sees the old man so happy with the sheriff. Bobby lost his wife a long time ago. Dean and Sam didn’t get to know her, but they knew he was deeply in love with her. Bobby was lonely, although the Winchester boys removed that, but once they found a home, Bobby’s loneliness came back, although Sam and Dean always tried to see the old man as much as they could, and they still do. But now, Bobby seems so happy with Jody, it is strange to see the old man smiling this often. And Dean loves seeing him like that.

And he also envies him a little. A part of Dean wishes that Cas could be here, as his boyfriend, smiling and tasting every single thing Dean is cooking and Dean yelling at him because if Cas keeps doing that, there’s not going to be food for dinner. He wants that happiness. He can deny it to Sam, to Charlie, to Bobby, to anyone, but deep down, Dean wishes that he and Cas were together, like a couple or something, not this complicated whore thing. But they can’t and they won’t. He is just Cas’ whore. And it doesn’t matter what he wants or desires. After all, he is just a fucking whore.

Dean puts all those thoughts away; it isn’t the moment and the place to think about it. It is the time to keep preparing Christmas dinner.

After some hours preparing everything, turkey, the steamed potatoes, the sauces, the vegetables and the apple pie, the four of them sit down around the table and they start to eat and chat, like a normal family during these holidays. There is laughter filling Bobby’s old house and everything feels so heartwarming.

Time for the dessert arrives sooner than they expected, and the pie is gone easily and all of them are full and no one seems to be willing to move from the chair.

“Dean, you should definitely come here more often to cook.” Jody says impressed. “That was the best Christmas dinner I’ve ever had.”

Dean smiles. “Thanks, sheriff.”

“Don’t call me sheriff. Unless I’m wearing the suit. Just call me Jody.”

“Okay. Thanks, Jody.”

“Boy knows how to leave us full.” Bobby says taking a deep breath. The old man doesn’t eat too much, but when Dean is the one cooking, you should better grab some food before Bobby eats it all.

“And you don’t know when to stop.” Jody says arching a brow. She and the Winchester brothers chuckle with that. “You eat half of that turkey!” She says pointing out the remaining bones of the animal.

Bobby shrugs. “Dean’s fault.” He looks directly at Dean. “Don’t cook that well so I ain’t eating it all.”

All of them laugh happily and bright and suddenly, Dean’s phone starts to ring. He feels a shiver running down his spine. It must be John; who else is going to call right now? Dean really doesn’t want to talk to him, not right now. But when he sees the screen of his mobile phone, it isn’t John’s name on it; it is Castiel’s. Dean smiles like an idiot and stands up.

“I’ll be right back.” Dean says as he runs towards the back garden. He hears some muffled voices from Bobby and Sam, but he ignores them. The cold winter air strokes him the moment he opens the back door. Snow is falling down, softly but constantly. The back garden is covered by a white mantle that keeps getting wider. How many times he has spent with Sam here. He smiles with that thought.

Dean picks up the phone and says. “Hey Cas.”

“ _Hello, Dean. Merry Christmas._ ” Castiel says. His voice is bright and warm.

“Merry Christmas to you too.” He smiles brightly. He wasn’t expecting Cas to call him and wish him that. “I wasn’t expecting you to call.”

“ _How wasn’t I going to call you, Dean?_ ” Something warm fills Dean’s heart and he lets out a soft giggle. “ _I know we are going to see each other in two days, but I wanted to wish you a merry Christmas._ ”

“You are such a sweetheart.” He teases.

“ _Oh, shut up._ ”

“You must be blushing a lot right now.” It is a shame that he can’t see him right now. Cas blushing is the cutest thing ever.

“ _Yes, I am. And thankfully you aren’t seeing me, because if you were here, I would be blushing even more._ ” He lets out a chuckle and Dean thinks it sounds beautiful. “ _I didn’t interrupt you, right?_ ”

“No, we just finished dinner. All of them are so full that they can barely move.” He looks at the door, hoping that Sam, Bobby and Jody are still in the dining room. He really doesn’t want them to hear this conversation. He wants to treasure these moments he has with Cas by himself.

Castiel laughs. “ _I bet they do. If you were the one who cooked, I know they didn’t leave any food._ ”

“They didn’t.” Both of them laugh. “How about you? How’s being the night with your family?”

Castiel sighs. “ _I had worse nights with them, but still, it isn’t nice. They don’t want me here, except Anna. They just ask me things just to be nice, but once I start talking, they aren’t paying attention._ ”

“Sorry to hear that.” He hates that. Cas is great. His family should accept him. Why do they care if Cas is gay or straight or whatever? That doesn’t define his personality. He is wonderful, nice, funny, smart and awesome. He likes guys, and what? That’s nothing to be ashamed of. He isn’t a whore like Dean, for fuck’s shake. “Y’know,” Dean starts to say. He looks at the sky, seeing how the snowflakes keep falling down and they land on him, melting slowly. “If we didn’t have this weird thing, I would have loved that you came to Bobby’s and had Christmas dinner with us.”

“ _Would you?_ ” His voice sounds warm and sweet.

“Yeah. The problem would have been when we would have to lie and all that stuff, but— You should be here Cas, or at your place, not with people that doesn’t like you or doesn’t give a fuck about you.”

“ _I know. I keep coming for Anna, mostly. She always supports me._ ” He sighs. “ _But if it wasn’t for her, I would have gone crazy. Staying with my family it’s too hard. I came out just to have some air and call you, and this is being better than being in that freaking dining room, with a lot of people judging you._ ”

“Cas—”

“ _I just needed to hear you voice._ ” He confesses. Shyness and even a little of heartbreak slips into his voice. Dean’s heart sinks with that. Cas wanted to hear his voice. “ _I said that out loud, did I?_ ”

“Yeah, you did.” Dean says trying to sound casually. His heart is beating fast. Cas called because he needed to hear his voice.

Dean hears Cas chuckling. “ _Dean I—_ ” He takes a deep breath. Dean doesn’t say anything, he is waiting for Cas to complete the sentence, but instead, Cas chuckles. “ _I’m being stupid, right?_ ”

“Why do you say so?” Dean is confused right now. He doesn’t understand what it is going on with Cas right now.

“ _Never mind._ ”

“I hate when you pull away things like that, Cas.” Dean snaps. He knows that Cas must be frowning in confusion on the other side of the line. Dean takes a deep breath. “You called me, seize the freaking moment and tell me what’s wrong, I’m starting to freeze myself because of you, y’know?”

Castiel laughs and Dean would love to tell him that he stopped laughing and he told him what was wrong, but that laughter is beautiful, and Dean smiles and enjoys it. “ _You are a gentleman._ ”

“I’ve been called so many things, but gentleman isn’t one of them.” He rolls his eyes and looks down, remembering all the insults he has been called; especially coming from his dad’s voice.

“ _Is it snowing there too?_ ”

“Yeah. I’m covered with snow.” He looks again at the dark sky, where white dots of snow keep falling.

“ _You must look beautiful under the snow._ ” He simply says, warmer than ever. Dean blushes a lot. “ _And you must be blushing right now._ ”

“Yeah, I am. Your revenge from before, right?” He says. Castiel hums in affirmation. “Are you under the snow too?”

“ _I am._ ”

“Then you must look fucking beautiful too.” He smirks and he hears Cas letting out a sweet giggle. He would give anything to just see Cas covered with snow, cheeks all blushed and snowflakes melting on him. He must be gorgeous. “You avoided the main thing, Cas.” He says worried. “What’s wrong?”

Castiel exhales sharply. “ _Don’t you sometimes feel that although most of your life seems to go pretty good, it feels like it is falling apart and you are suddenly lost?_ ”

“Yeah, sometimes I do.”

“ _That’s what happens._ ” He takes a deep breath. “ _And when I talk to you, I don’t feel lost, Dean._ ” He explains. Dean swallows hard and closes his eyes, feeling how the snowflakes melt down on them. “ _And I think right now I’m starting to make things awkward._ ”

“You are always awkward.” Dean sasses. It is the easiest way to ease the situation.

Castiel laughs. “ _Yes, I am._ ” He makes a pause. “ _I guess I should go back inside, and you should too._ ”

“Will you be fine?” He asks too upset.

Dean can hear the sound of Cas making a sweet smile. “ _Always worrying about me._ ” Another pause. “ _Yes, I will be fine. Believe it or not, talking to you has cheered me up a lot. I don’t have a killer instinct anymore._ ”

Dean laughs. “You are one of a kind.” He smiles in a shy way. “See you Cas.”

“ _See you Dean._ ”

Dean hangs up the phone and he closes his eyes again. The warmth and the titillation spreading over his body are still there. Cas called because he needed to hear Dean’s voice, he needed to talk to him. And Cas felt better with that. With things like that, Dean can’t help smiling, because it shows that Cas doesn’t just consider him a whore. And that’s something that melts Dean’s heart.

He saves his phone in his pocket and walks back the dining room. The warmth of Bobby’s house is welcomed. He has been under the snow for too long. Luckily, he was wearing several layers of clothes, but still, it was really cold.

“We thought you ran away and you weren’t gonna come back.” Bobby says with an arched brow.

“He was talking to Cas, right?” Sam says with his smartass voice.

“Who’s Cas?” Jody asks confused.

“His boyfriend.” Sam and Bobby say at the same time.

“He isn’t my boyfriend.” Dean says pissed off. Although he wouldn’t mind it at all. “He’s a friend that I happen to sleep with, nothing else.”

Bobby and Sam interchange looks and Dean glares them. “Boy, you don’t even believe that.” Bobby says.

Dean grunts and rubs his face. “Can we leave the topic for fuck’s shake?” Why is everyone insisting on that? Dean has enough with his thoughts and his feelings. He doesn’t need his friends and his family to get into this too. He has more than enough with himself.

“You’ve been talking to him for a while, what did you two talk about?” Sam asks.

“About all the sex we are gonna have on Friday.” Dean answers with a grin. The sounds of ‘ughs’ follow Dean’s words.

“Got it, we change the subject.” Sam says with a grimace.

“Don’t worry Sam, if you need to know something, I could interrogate him one of these days.” Jody says with a pout. Dean rolls his eyes. “Okay boys and man, we have to clean this mess, so let’s go.”

 

“Dean.” Sam starts to say. They are in the car, back to their house. After cleaning the table, they spent an hour or so at the living room and then, Sam and Dean left Bobby’s house.

“Yes, Sammy?” Dean asks. He is tired. It is almost midnight and his body is aching for bed.

“What did you and Cas really talk about?” He asks.

Damn it, Sam isn’t going to leave the topic pass by. “Why do you care so much about it?”

“You seemed so happy after talking with him. Not the kind of happiness you get with sex.” He says quickly. Dean turns his face to look at his little brother and give him a confused look. “Like happy, happy. As if he told you something great.”

Dean sighs. “He wished me merry Christmas.” He makes a pause. “He told me that he called me because he needed to hear my voice. His family are dicks and they don’t accept that he is gay, except his sister. He needed a break to call me.”

Sam makes a humming noise. “He likes you a lot.”

“Yeah.”

Sam turns his face to look at Dean. “Dean, be honest with me, please.”

“I don’t like where this is going.”

Sam grunts and he rolls his eyes. “He isn’t just a ‘fuck buddy’ to you, right?”

Dean sighs, because Cas isn’t just a client anymore. “I don’t know.”

“Dean—”

“Sammy, don’t.” He parks the car. They are already at home. Dean gets out of the car and so does Sam.

Once they are inside the house, Sam speaks. “What scares you so much?”

Dean would love to say that he is scared about Cas rejecting him because he is a fucking whore. Also, there’s the fact that thanks to Cas, Sam and Dean can pay the bills and their education. If he stops being a whore, where else will he get money to pay everything? Dean’s life is too complicated, he has too many responsibilities and he can have the luxury of an emotional relationship with a guy who pays Dean to have sex with.

But Dean can’t tell his little brother any of that. Dean sighs and looks at his little brother. “I just have to figure things out, Sammy.”

“You’ve been telling that for months, Dean. I don’t buy it anymore.”

Dean groans and he looks into his brother’s eyes. He has grown a lot. Sometimes Dean doesn’t realize how big Sam is already, not only in size, but also in age. He isn’t just a little boy anymore, he is a man, and he knows more than Dean thinks. Dean must still lie about his job, but he can’t keep lying to his little brother about the rest. Being a whore will always be a secret, but the rest of the secrets, will sooner or later be revealed, and Dean can’t hide them forever.

“I like him, Sam, a lot, but—” Dean takes a deep breath. “And I know he likes me but, it’s not that easy. We just started as fuck buddies and we agreed that we were more than fine with that. I really like coming to his house and being with him, not just the sex.” He inhales sharply and he looks down. It is so hard to put all of that into words. “I’m not ready for something else, Sam. I don’t want to fuck things up. Maybe someday I’ll be able to go beyond that, but not now.”

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting you to be this opened with me.” Sam says surprised.

“Well, I don’t think you will see any of that in a long, long time.” He says rising his eyebrows.

Sam bitchfaces him and then, he rolls his eyes. “Anyway, sorry for teasing you with Cas and all of that.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry.” Dean says casually.

“You know that if you need someone to talk about him—” He starts to say.

“Yeah, Sam I know.” Dean says rising his hand to stop Sam from talking. “That was pretty hard, I’ve got enough for a year or so.” He says. Sam grimaces him. “But if something happens, or if I need some advice, I’ll tell you.”

“Good.” Sam says and he hugs his brother. Dean chuckles and hugs his brother. “Do we open our presents now?”

“Of course!”

Sam got for Dean four records; one from AC/Dc, another from Black Sabbath, another from Nirvana and another from Metallica. He also got him a book of pies recipes, although Dean thinks he gave him that as a hint to make more pie for Sam. Anyways, Dean thanks those awesome presents and hugs his little brother tightly.

Dean got for Sam the whole collection of the books from _A Song of Ice and Fire_ and eight plaid shirts, because his little brother has a thing for plaid shirts. And as Dean, Sam thanks to his brother the presents and hugs him tightly.

 

It is Friday and Dean is about to leave to work. But he needs to grab Castiel’s present and his pie. He is looking at the worktop, looking for Cas’ pie. He made yesterday a lot of pies. Two for Charlie, two for Sam and himself, one for Kevin, one for Bobby and Jody and one for Cas. Although the one for Bobby and Jody is already at Bobby’s place. Kevin and Charlie will come tomorrow for theirs.

“Which one is the cherry pie?” Dean asks to his brother, who is eating some of the cookies Dean did yesterday. If he keeps eating them, he isn’t going to leave any for Charlie.

“I don’t know. You should know it. You are the one who baked it.” Sam says shrugging.

“I left it in this spot, but now, there’s the pecan pie.” He points at the pie, the one for them, which it is half eaten, revealing its filling. “You moved all of them!”

“I was looking for our pies.” He says as he chews the cookie. He walks towards the counter and he hands him a pie. “I think it is this one.”

Dean smells it. It smells like cherry. “If it isn’t the cherry one, I swear—”

“You will cut my hair or you will put something in my shampoo.” He sasses. Dean glares him. “Come on, you are going to be late for work.”

Dean grabs the pie and Cas’ present and he leaves the house. He gets to Cas’ apartment as quick as always. He is a bit nervous, because he isn’t sure if Cas is going to like the gifts. His legs are trembling a little once he is in front of the door, waiting for Cas to open it.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel says with a happy smile.

“Hey Cas.” Dean says as he walks into the apartment. He kisses Castiel softly, who cups his face and smiles. “I got you some Christmas presents.” He shows him the bag and Castiel looks at him with a surprised face.

“Well, I got you presents as well.” He confesses. Now Dean is the surprised one. “Guess that no one of us was expecting presents from each other.”

“No, not really.”

“Well, take off your jacket while I go for you presents.” He says as he walks away.

Dean can’t help smiling. Cas got him presents too. He wasn’t expecting that. His heart is beating happily in his chest. First the call and now this. It feels unreal.

Dean takes off his jacket and waits for Cas on the couch. Cas arrives soon with two presents. “Okay, who gives the presents first?” Castiel asks as he sits down next to Dean.

“Me.” Dean says as he searches in the bag for the two gifts. “This isn’t wrapped, because I wasn’t going to wrap a pie.” He starts to say as he blushes.

“You made me a pie?” The smile he makes is priceless and Dean loves it. It is pure happiness and joy. He smells the pie and he makes a satisfactory sound. “This smells wonderful.”

“It’s a cherry pie.”

“Do you mind if I cut a slice right now? Because I can’t resist.”

Dean laughs. “Go ahead.”

Castiel stands up and runs towards the kitchen. He grabs a knife and two plates. He comes back to the couch and he cuts two slices, one for Dean and one for himself. When Castiel tastes the pie, he makes a moan and closes his eyes. “Dean— This is delicious!”

“You are about to come, Cas.” Dean jokes.

“Assbutt.” He mutters with a smile, then he takes another bite. “Holy shit! I mean— wow.” He moans and keeps eating the pie, enjoying every bite of it. “I don’t think it will last until Sunday.” He says looking at the pie. Dean laughs happily. “Seriously, I want to marry you right now.” He says. Dean looks at him with wide eyes. He knows Cas is joking, but for a moment, Dean’s heart has stopped beating. “You should open a pie store , because wow, this is the best pie I have ever tasted.” He keeps moaning and eating the pie.

“I’m glad you love it.” Dean says smiling.

Castiel starts to pass his finger where some filling is left on the plate and he licks his finger. Dean looks at him with an eyebrow raised. He knows his pies are good, but he wasn’t expecting Cas to fall in love with the pie. Castiel blushes a lot when he catches Dean’s sight. “Sorry, but it is the most delicious pie I have ever eaten. And I’m talking seriously.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Dean chuckles. “Okay, here’s the other one.” He hands it and Castiel starts to unwrap it. Castiel looks at the book surprised and then at Dean, as if he was trying to make sure that what he is holding on his hands is real. “You told me that you really liked art, and one of your favorite painters was Velázquez.”

“Dean I— I’ve been looking for a Velázquez book with all his paintings on it for a long time.” He sounds really touched by the gift. He strokes the cover of the book. “Thank you so much, Dean.” He smiles and he cups Dean’s face to kiss him in the loveliest way, making Dean’s heart to melt down after skipping a couple of beats. “I love it. Thanks a lot, really.” His eyes are shining so bright and Dean can’t take his eyes of Castiel’s. He looks so happy, touched and beautiful.

“You are welcome, Cas.” He says with a lovely voice and making a big smile. He is more than pleased to know that Cas loved his presents.

“Here are yours.” He hands him the largest one. Dean opens it as fast as he can, hearing Cas’ chuckles at that. When Dean sees it, his jaw drops open. “Holy fuck.” He says. Cas bought him a _Star War_ ’s laser sword, well, it isn’t a laser one, it is a replica, but it is one of those swords, and it is the green one, the one from Yoda. “Cas, this costs like 500$, you shouldn’t—”

“And I’m sure you almost spend that amount of money on that huge book you gave me.” He says with a warning glare. Dean has to admit that Cas has a point, although the book cost less than 150$. “I know how much you love _Star Wars_.”

“Thanks a lot. I fucking love it.” He grabs Castiel’s shirt and draws Castiel into a kiss. Castiel blushes a lot. “I don’t know where I’m gonna put it.”

“You are going to pretend to be a jedi first.” Castiel says chuckling.

“Of course I’m gonna do that!” He joins Castiel’s chuckles. Fuck, this feels great, as if they were a couple, and it is so heartwarming and happy. Dean is going to treasure this moment because it feels so natural and good that he loves it so much.

“And here’s the other one.” Castiel hands him the other gift.

Dean opens it and it reveals that it is one of Vonnegut’s drawings. He looks at the drawing, shocked. “It is an original one.” Dean says swallowing hard.

“It is.” He says casually but smirking.

“How—”

“I’ve got my contacts.” His grin gets bigger. Dean chuckles. “Do you like it?”

“I love it.” He leans again to kiss Cas, who cups his face and they kiss tenderly. “Thanks a lot for the presents, they are fucking awesome.”

“You are welcome.” He kisses Dean again, sweetly, and Dean’s heart keeps skipping beats. This feels as if they were a couple. Cas knew what Dean wanted, what Dean liked. And Castiel loves all Dean’s presents as well. Dean is more than happy. “And thank you for your awesome presents as well.”

“You are welcome.” And Dean kisses him with all the love in his heart.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was about to publish a new chapter when suddenly there was a small earthquake ._. It has been a weird sensation. Nothing scary or anything bad, it was just strange. We don't have earthquakes here.
> 
> Anyway, as always, thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :)

“Are you sure you are okay with this?” Sam asks as he puts his scarf on.

Dean takes a deep breath. Sam has been asking this the whole day. Yes, Dean is okay with Sam going out with his friend on New Year’s Eve and leaving Dean alone at home. Usually, they spent this day eating in front of the TV as they watched a movie and things like that, nothing special. Some years, Charlie joined them, but she isn’t here this year. Sam hasn’t been to a New Year’s Eve party ever, and Dean understands that he wants to go with his friends and with his crush, Jessica, who is the girl making the party.

“Yeah, Sam, I’m okay. You’ve been asking me that the whole freaking day.” Dean says as he puts the book he is reading, On the Road, on the coffee table. “As long as you don’t drink any alcohol, I’m okay.”

“We are all minors, Dean.” Sam says sitting on the armrest.

“As if that was gonna avoid it.” He huffs a laugh. “You are gonna spend the night at Jessica’s?”

“Yeah, she said that there are some beds for some of us, and the couch and even some sleep bags if we need to. We are going to be like ten people or so.” He explains blushing a lot.

Dean smiles. “Are you carrying condoms?”

Sam grabs one of the cushions and throws it at Dean. “Shut up! I’m not gonna do any of that!”

“You say that now, but who knows.” He shrugs and puts the cushion back in its place. “You should better carry one, just in case.”

“Nothing is going to happen, Dean.” Sam says blushing a lot and sounding a bit pissed off. Dean pouts and grabs his book. “Aren’t you gonna go and see Cas?”

“I think he isn’t here.” He isn’t sure about it. They didn’t talk about their plans on this day and Dean, although he wouldn’t mind spending the night with Cas, isn’t sure if Cas would welcome him if he appeared at his home just to celebrate this night. He is sure that Cas might have some other plans.

“You two didn’t talk about it?”

“Nope.” He looks at his brother. Since their deep talk about Dean’s feelings, Sam hasn’t been pushing anything related with Cas, but once in a while, he drops a hint. When he saw the Christmas presents Cas gave to Dean, Sam gave him that look that means ‘he is crazy for you too’. But Dean ignored it. “The topic didn’t come out. If he didn’t have any plans for tonight, he would have called me.”

“I guess.” Sam says with a pout. The door opens and Kevin appears. His black hair is covered with snow, as well as his coat is. “Hey Kevin.”

“Hey Kevin.” Dean greets with a smile.

“Hey guys. Are you ready Sam?” Kevin asks as he gets into the house.

“Yep.” Sam stands up and starts to buckle his coat.

“Aren’t you coming with us, Dean?” Kevin asks.

“I’m not invited. And if I were there, I would be all the time screwing Sammy up and embarrassing him in front of Jess.” Dean chuckles. Sam, naturally, glares his big brother and blushes a lot.

Kevin laughs. “I think that Sam can do that by himself.”

Dean laughs louder and Sam glares his brother and his friend. “I hate you two.” Sam mutters.

“Have fun you two. Take care of him, Kev.” Dean says with a warm smile. “If something goes wrong,” Dean looks directly at Sam. “Call me.”

“Dean, I know. And don’t worry, we are just a bunch of geeks on a New Year’s eve party.”

“Just in case.” Dean says with his parenting voice. He trusts Sam, a lot. He knows his brother is a big man, but he doesn’t know most of the people who are going to be there, and you never know what can happen. Sam is still underage and Dean still is his legal tutor. “Have fun.”

“Bye Dean.” Sam and Kevin say at the same time.

The door is closed and Dean is all by himself at home. He considers this as some preparation for when Sam goes to Stanford. Dean will be alone, and Sam will be in California. Dean still doesn’t want his brother to go that far, but he can’t avoid Sam to do that. Sooner or later, his little brother will go. He will still come and visit Dean, he knows it, but it won’t be the same. Dean has to get used to this.

Dean grabs the book and keeps reading it. He has read it a lot of times. On the Road is one of his favorite books. He wishes that he could just drive through the whole country with his Impala, without caring for months about anything. Just the road and Dean, and maybe someone else. He would love to do that. Maybe one day, when all this responsibilities are no longer with Dean.

He keeps reading. Until his stomach doesn’t start groaning, he isn’t going to make dinner. He isn’t going to eat anything special; just some spicy instant noodles he loves. Something warm and tasty for tonight. It is going to be a boring night.

Dean picks up his phone and looks at the time. It isn’t even nine o’clock yet. He decides to send Cas a text to wish him a happy new year. There are some hours left until midnight, but Dean wants to text him now. Maybe he is in a party and he won’t see it until a couple of hours, and also, it is better to send it now than when everyone is doing it after the new year has arrive.

_**I don’t know when you’ll read this, but happy new year Cas :)** _

Dean is about to put his phone back into his pocket when his mobile sounds. It is the tune of a new text message. Dean looks at the screen and he sees that it is from Cas.

_**Happy new year to you too Dean :D Although there are some hours left for that ¬¬** _

Dean can’t help smiling. Because it is adorable that Cas uses emoticons and because Cas takes things too seriously sometimes. He is a bit awkward, which makes Cas too cute. Dean decides to send him another text message.

_**I knew that idiot. I just sent it ‘cause I thought you’d be busy on a party** _

His phone sounds again in seconds. Cas must be still at home, getting ready for something. He must have arrived from work and hour ago, so he must be about to leave to celebrate the New Year.

_**No. I’m home alone. I’m that boring :/ What about you?** _

Dean frowns at it. Cas doesn’t have plans for tonight? After that catastrophic thing he had during Christmas, Dean thought that Cas might have liked to go out with some friends in order to forget his family and have fun.

_**Home alone too. Sam’s in a party** _

Dean sends the text message. He is waiting for Cas to answer it, but instead of a message, Dean gets a call from Cas. Without thinking it twice Dean picks it up.

“Hey Cas.” Dean greets.

“ _Hello Dean. _” Castiel greets. He sounds a bit shy and Dean wonders why. “ _What are you doing alone tonight?_ ”__

“I could ask you the same thing.” He chuckles. He hears Cas’ soft laughter. “I never do anything special on this date. Me and Sammy just watch a movie and we have dinner. Nothing else. But this year his crush makes a party and he is going. I hope he finally nuts up and tells her that he likes her.” He hears Cas making a sweet chuckle. Why does he have such a wonderful laughter? “What about you?”

“ _Just came from the hospital. It’s been a busy day. But I didn’t plan anything. Right now I’m trying to know what I am going to have for dinner._ ” He explains. Dean hears the sounds of the cupboards being opened. He sighs and there’s a short silence. “ _Dean do you— do you want to come to my place?_ ” He asks really nervous. Dean opens his eyes widely. Cas is asking him to spend New Year’s eve with him. Just the two of them. Oh gosh. “ _If you want to, of course._ ”

“Do you want me to come to spend the New Year’s eve with you?” He asks. He is stupid; he just made the same question Cas asked. Although with different words.

“ _Yes. If it is okay with you._ ” His voice trembles a little, it is full of shyness. Dean understands. This is something happening outside their schedule, Dean would come to Cas’ apartment as a friend and it is going to be a bit awkward. “ _Neither of us is going to do anything tonight. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather spend it with you than alone. You are a great company._ ”

Dean’s heart isn’t pumping out of his chest because he isn’t a cartoon, but it is beating at a really high dangerous speed. “Yeah. I would like to spend it with you too.” He says smiling.

“ _So, you are coming, right?_ ”

“Yeah, Cas.” He gets up from the couch. “And don’t make dinner. I’ll make something for both of us once I got there. Something edible.”

Castiel laughs. “ _I think that’s a wise idea._ ” He says. And by the way those words sounded, Dean knows Cas is smiling. “ _See you in a few minutes._ ”

“See you Cas.” And he hangs up the phone.

Dean grabs his leather jacket and his keys. He closes the door and walks towards the Impala. Deep down, he knows this is a bad idea. Spending this night with Cas, just the two of them, it isn’t the best idea. But he wants to fuck off all of that. It’s just two friends that happen to be a whore and a client during the weekends, celebrating the New Year’s eve, what could go wrong?

__That he starts to have more feelings for him._ _

__Dean sighs. He has a lot of feelings for Cas, but it doesn’t matter what he does; they don’t go away. He needs to learn how to live with them. He wants to spend this night with Cas and Cas wants to spend it with him. And nothing is going to be awkward. They are going to be fully dressed the whole time, there won’t be touching or kisses. They would talk, like the usually do, only that they will be dressed._ _

__Dean arrives as quickly as always and soon, he is in front of Cas’ door, waiting for Cas to arrive and open it. When that happens, Dean sees that Cas is as handsome as always, wearing a white shirt, that fucking wonderful waistcoat that suits him better than anything and his dress pants. And of course, that dark messy hair._ _

__“How fast.” Castiel says amused._ _

__“Yeah.” Dean simply says. It is strange not to greet each other with a kiss, but Dean isn’t here because of work. But he would have loved a greeting kiss._ _

__“Come in.” Castiel says moving away from the entrance, leaving space for Dean to get in._ _

__Dean gets in and he starts to take off his leather jacket. “Do I leave it on the armchair?” He asks_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__Dean leaves it on the armchair and then, he walks towards the kitchen. He rolls the sleeves up of his shirt and looks at Castiel who is in the other side of the table. “Tell me, what do you want from dinner?”_ _

__“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I usually eat a salad, or some sandwiches.”_ _

__“Okay, let me see what you got.” Dean starts to open the cupboards and the fridge, looking at all the food Cas has. He has a lot of vegetables, some meat, cheese, some snacks… “You said you don’t have any plans for tonight, right?” He asks arching one eyebrow._ _

__Castiel narrows his eyes and frowns in confusion. He also tilts his head a little, which Dean finds extremely adorable. “No. Why do you ask?”_ _

__“I’m gonna make a pizza.”_ _

__Castiel looks at him surprised. “You know how to make pizza?”_ _

__“Yeah. You got everything I need for. Do you want a pizza with green peppers, bacon and pepperoni with extra cheese?” He asks with a charming smile._ _

__“I would love that.” The smile he makes is one of the prettiest Dean has ever seen._ _

__“Awesome.” Dean starts to grab everything. The toppings, the tomatoes to make the sauce, and the bowl needed to make the dough, along with the flour, the olive oil and the salt. “How is it that you have pepperoni?” He asks as he starts to put the flour on the bowl._ _

__Castiel approaches Dean, until he is next to him, but leaving some space in between. Dean can see that Cas is blushing. “Sometimes I like to eat pasta with tomato sauce, grilled cheese and pieces of pepperoni.” He confesses._ _

__“That sounds delicious.” He should do that at home one of these days._ _

__“Well, it is one of the few things I can cook without wanting to puke.” He pouts._ _

__Dean laughs. “I would like you made that to me one of these days.”_ _

__“Do you trust me to cook that? Dean, I don’t burn my cereals by miracle!”_ _

__Dean laughs hysterically and Castiel blushes a lot. “So cute when you blush.” Dean lets out the words and Castiel blushes even more. Dean shouldn’t have said that. He puts the olive oil and the water in the bowl. He clears his throat before he speaks again. “But yeah, I would trust you to do that dish. If I get food poisoned, you are the one bringing me to the hospital.”_ _

__“Okay.” He smiles sweetly._ _

__Dean starts to mix all the ingredients. Until everything isn’t in a dough ball, he won’t stop. He turns his face to Castiel, who is looking how Dean is moving his hands. “Do you wanna try to do it?”_ _

__“Won’t I screw it up?” He asks worried._ _

__“No.” Dean smiles. “Roll up your sleeves.” He says. Castiel does so. “Now place your hands in the dough.” Castiel approaches Dean and puts his hands in the dough. Dean places behind Castiel and then, he places his hands on Castiel’s. “Now you have to move it like this.” And with his hands, Dean guides Castiel to move the dough and mix it. Castiel starts to giggle. “Enjoying it?”_ _

__“Yes, I do. It’s fun.”_ _

__They mix the dough together. Dean really likes this. Being this close to Cas, doing the dough together, hearing Cas giggling in this bright and happy way. Neither of them seems to be giving any importance to the fact that they are pressed together and that their hands are laced together as they mix the dough._ _

__“Okay, done.” Dean says pulling his hands away. “Now we have to wait for thirty minutes or less to flatten it.” He explains as he walks towards the sink to wash his hands. Castiel does the same. “I’m gonna do the tomato sauce, you could cut the peppers, the bacon and the pepperoni meanwhile.”_ _

__“Sure.” Castiel says smiling._ _

__Dean does the sauce and Castiel chops the toppings they are going to put on the pizza. There’s a comfortable silence in between them. Castiel looks at Dean once in a while to wait for Dean’s approbation. Dean can’t help smiling._ _

__“Why didn’t you decide to study something related with cooking instead of an engineering?” Castiel asks suddenly._ _

__“I thought about it.” Dean starts to say. He is now cooking the sauce on a pan. “But all those schools are freaking expensive and they are focused to those too freaking expensive and delicate restaurants. I don’t like that. I’m homier. I like cooking for friends and family. It is better and funnier.”_ _

__“And haven’t you thought about working as a baker?”_ _

__“Yeah, but I would eat all the pie I would bake and that wouldn’t have been good for the business.” He jokes._ _

__Castiel lets out a laugh, the one that means that Dean is an assbutt. “You are an assbutt.” He says. Dean was right about that laughter. “You have talent. And you enjoy cooking.”_ _

__“I know, but it is more a hobby, and sometimes an obligation too.” He takes a deep breath. He is looking at the pan, but he knows that Cas has just turned his face to look at him. “I had to learn how to cook when I was four. I was the one who had to make food for Sammy, and myself. I don’t see myself working on that. I enjoy it, but I don’t think I would like to work as that.”_ _

__“I see.” Castiel simply says. “And why did you decided to study an engineering?”_ _

__“I have always liked cars. And I would love to design their engines, y’know?” He says enthusiastic. The sauce is already done, so he turns off the fire and turns towards the table, where Cas is cutting the toppings. “And why did you decided to be a neurosurgeon? You told me that you really liked painting, and those paintings you have on your walls are fucking awesome.”_ _

__“I wanted to study art. But the problem was that you have to be beyond good to live just from painting. My style is not the one you see nowadays, it isn’t like those modern paintings. I don’t understand modern art and I don’t like it. So I just gave up on studying art.” He explains with a bit of nostalgia in his voice. “Everything happened too fast. I got into college at sixteen and—”_ _

__“At sixteen?!” Dean exclaims shocked._ _

__Castiel makes that timid face of his. “At sixteen.” He murmurs, as if he was too embarrassed of that fact. Dean looks at him perplexed; he knew that Cas was a really smart guy, but knowing that he got the chance to get into college at that age, it leaves Dean shocked and proud at the same time. “I was a really intelligent kid, and my parents were delighted with that.” His voice is soft and still shy, but at least now he meets Dean’s eyes. “I had to decide too soon what I wanted to do with my life, and my father encouraged me to decide between law, medicine or business. I was still a kid who liked to draw but wasn’t good enough, so I finally choose medicine and I became a neurosurgeon.”_ _

__“And do you like being a neurosurgeon?”_ _

__“Yes I do.” He says nodding and looking directly at Dean’s eyes, and Dean can tell that Cas is telling the truth. “I have always liked it. I liked being an artist more, but being a neurosurgeon was kind of my plan B.” He chuckles and he goes towards the sink to wash the knife. “I really like helping people. And I even like teaching some students things about medicine.” Castiel picks one cloth and dries the knife, then he leaves it on its place. “Maybe it isn’t my dream job, but I enjoy it. I can’t complain. I’m happy with my job.” And he turns to face Dean._ _

__Dean smiles and looks at the dough. There are some minutes left until he can use the rolling pin to flatten it. Dean’s stomach groans in that moment and Castiel laughs. “I’m hungry.”_ _

__“I can tell.” He searches in one of the cupboards for something and he grabs a can of Pringles. He hands them to Dean.  
“Thanks.” He eats some of the chips and Castiel does the same. He stands next to Dean, leaning himself on the edge of the kitchen table. “Making pizza takes its time.”_ _

__“It would have been faster if we ordered one.”_ _

__“Mines are better.” Dean sasses._ _

__Castiel smiles at him. “I know. Even if I haven’t already tasted any of them.” He keeps eating the Pringles. “May I ask you something?”_ _

__“Sure, Cas.”_ _

__“When I proposed you to come here tonight, did you think it could be awkward or weird?”_ _

__“Yeah.” He confesses. “But for now it isn’t being like that. At least for me.” He is telling the truth. He is really comfortable with Cas right now. He was expecting it to be freaking awkward, but it turns out that it isn’t. He must admit that he misses kissing and touching Cas, but for the rest, it is being really nice. “Is it being weird for you? Or awkward?” He wonders looking at Cas._ _

__“No.” He looks directly at Dean’s eyes. “Although it is weird to see you with so many clothes.”_ _

__Dean chuckles. “Yeah.” He sees those pretty crinkles on the corner of Castiel’s eyes. “To be honest, I find it weird not to be kissing you.”_ _

__“You do?” He arches one eyebrow and he gets a little closer to Dean._ _

__Dean nods. “I do.” He shrugs. They should not talk about kissing right now. “I guess that everything that involves us is weird.” And he should add complicated. But he saves that to himself. He has learnt during his whole life when to shut the fuck up, although it took him a while._ _

__“I guess.” He sighs._ _

__There’s a short silence in between them before Dean decides to speak again. “It is snowing again.” There’s a small window in the kitchen, and they can see some of the buildings around and how the snow falls._ _

__“I love snow.” Castiel says with a pretty smile._ _

__“Me too.”_ _

__“You know, we could just watch the fireworks from the balcony later. They can be seen from here.” He suggests with a happy voice. “I do it all the years. Watch the New Year’s fireworks, lightning up the sky.”_ _

__“Yeah, we could.” Dean says with a tender voice._ _

__After some minutes, the dough is ready and Dean starts to flatten it with the rolling pin. Castiel tries it and both of them laugh because he makes the dough to have an amorphous shape, but Dean fixes it later. They put the tomato sauce. The toppings follow it, and both of them scatter all the things. Castiel smiles brightly during the whole time and Dean thinks this is the most beautiful picture of Cas he has ever seen. Dean scratches some cheese and then, they put the pizza into the oven._ _

__As the pizza cooks, Dean and Castiel keep talking. The more they talk, the best they feel. The pizza is soon cooked and they sit around the kitchen table to eat it. The crusts are crunchy, the toppings are well blended with the cheese and it smells delicious. When both of them taste it, both of them moan. Castiel doesn’t stop telling Dean how delicious it is. They eat the whole pizza and Castiel serves some chocolate ice cream as a dessert._ _

__After lingering on the seats, because they are pretty full after the pizza and the ice cream, they wash everything and then, they walk towards the balcony, after Dean has grabbed his leather jacket and Castiel his trench coat, because the outside temperature is really cold._ _

__There’s still some long minutes left until midnight. They could be inside, waiting until it was midnight to see the fireworks, but both of them like the snow and they like to see the dark night with the lights of the streetlights and seeing how the snow paints slowly everything into white._ _

__“I really like how you look with the trench coat.” Dean says._ _

__Castiel blushes. “Thanks.”_ _

__“Why do you always blush when I say a compliment?” He asks elbowing him, making Castiel to smile shyly._ _

__“I’m not used to hear compliments. And you are complimenting me almost all the time.”_ _

__“You do that to me too, y’know?” He sasses. Castiel smiles and rolls his eyes. Cas looks beautiful right now with all those snowflakes on him, melting down slowly with the warmth of his body. And his hair looks too cute with those white icy dots. Also, his cheeks and his nose are reddish, not only from the blush, but also for the cold._ _

__“You are an assbutt.” Castiel turns his face to dedicate him a beautiful smile, that it is all teeth and gums._ _

__Dean chuckles and leans over the black iron railing. It feels so heartwarming to be with Cas like this. He is aching to have more moments like this with Cas. He turns his face to look at Castiel, whose eyes are focused on the horizon, as if he was trying to understand how the whole universe works. Dean wouldn’t mind at all being able to have more moments like this with Cas. Just the two of them forgetting what they really are, having a good time together because they want it and they enjoy it, without money involved on it._ _

__Castiel catches his sight and Dean smiles widely. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Castiel asks with a shy grin._ _

__“Because I like being here with you.”_ _

__Castiel leans on the railing too, like Dean. He looks at his eyes. “I didn’t know you had a cheesy side.” He teases with a cocky smile._ _

__“I do. But I don’t let it out usually. I have to keep my bad boy’s reputation.”_ _

__Castiel laughs again and Dean swears that’s one of the most beautiful sounds he has heard. Every time Cas laughs because of Dean, he feels an incredible warmth. He looks at Castiel, who is still laughing. “C’mon, you are willing to say it again.”_ _

__“Say what?” Castiel asks in an innocent way._ _

__Dean makes a bitchface. “Call me assbutt.”_ _

__“You kind of like it, huh?” He smirks._ _

__“You call me that so often that I finally ended up liking it.”_ _

__“Because you know that you are an assbutt.” He approaches Dean a little bit more, until the sides of their hands and the sides of their arms are touching._ _

__“You are sometimes a bit of a dick, did you know it?” He snaps with his sassiest voice._ _

__Castiel chuckles. “Just a bit.”_ _

__Time passes. Some of those minutes they share a comfortable silence. The rest of them, are spent by talking. Midnight arrives sooner than they expected, so they watch the fireworks, painting the night sky with red, green, blue, yellow and pink. They are standing on the balcony, shoulder to shoulder, looking in the distance at the firework spectacle. Dean looks once in a while at Castiel’s face, seeing how happy he is right now. Dean smiles widely too._ _

__When the fireworks spectacle finishes, Castiel and Dean look at each other. Castiel removes the space that it is in between them, just those damn inches of air are soon gone. Dean’s heart is beating faster as Castiel gets closer. His blue eyes are bright and happy and filled with something really warm_ _

__“Happy new year, Dean.” Castiel says._ _

__“Happy new year, Cas.” Dean says._ _

__Castiel cups Dean’s face and kisses him. Dean places his hands on the small of Castiel’s back and draws him closer. They kiss in a passionate but slow way. Their bodies and breathes are really warm and Dean doesn’t notice the cold temperate of Kansas right now._ _

__They pull away their mouths, but their hands are still on each other. Their eyes are locked, as if the blue sea and the green forest hadn’t met in a long time. Castiel caresses Dean’s cheekbones. His hands then go to Dean’s hair, and Dean leans to kiss Cas again._ _

__They kiss and they kiss. Dean isn’t sure for how long they kiss. He doesn’t know when a kiss stops and other begins. The snow keeps falling down and they keep each other close. The kisses get needier and more passionate. It isn’t a surprise that after so many kisses, they get inside Cas’ bedroom, without stopping the kisses and they start to take off the leather jacket and the trench coat._ _

__Dean is soon lying down on the mattress with Cas above him. Their kisses are hungry, desperate and needy, and so are the movements of their hands as they take off each other’s clothes. There’s a voice in Dean’s head telling him what the hell is he doing, but Dean ignores it. This isn’t work, this is just he and Cas about to have sex, without money involved and Dean is aching for this._ _

__When Dean has taken off Cas’ waist coat and shirt he starts to kiss that wonderful and naked chest. Castiel gasps and runs his fingers through Dean’s hair. They kiss again, fiercely and needy and Castiel keeps stripping Dean, kissing the naked skin the clothes reveal. Their clothes land on the floor, leaving a mess on it, but they don’t care. Soon they are both naked and kissing and touching; that’s what matters._ _

__Dean can’t stop his hands; he needs to trace down Cas’ body, feel his warm skin, how the muscles twitch and move under his hands with every movement Castiel makes. They never get to be this close usually. There’s always a small wall in between them, a wall to remind them that this is just a whore and client. But tonight, it isn’t like that. That wall has been demolished for tonight. Both are aware that the wall will be rebuilt for the next night they spend together, but at this moment, they will ignore that fact._ _

__Castiel starts to kiss Dean’s chest, pressing sweet little kisses as his hands trace down his sides. Dean presses his head on the pillow and gasps. Cas is soon back to his mouth and kisses him, with his hands cupping Dean’s face tenderly. And Dean places his hands on Cas’ back, pulling him closer, until it is only skin against skin._ _

__Dean would love to top, but he isn’t sure how Cas feels about it. Maybe Cas doesn’t want to let Dean fuck him, because he wants to keep things like they are. Tonight there’s an exception, but they are still going to keep this agreement. Dean knows that if he was able to fuck Cas, there wouldn’t be any coming back, and he knows he won’t be able to work for Cas anymore. They can’t cross that line ever._ _

__He puts those thoughts away and he focuses on the man above him, kissing him as if Dean was the most important person in his world. Dean tightens his arms around Cas, who is rocking his hips slowly, rubbing his hard erection against Dean. His hands are now on the inner of Dean’s thighs, caressing gently. Cas is never this sweet. The last time he was this sweet was when they made love in the middle of the night; and they haven’t talked about it._ _

__One of Cas lubed fingers finds its way into Dean’s hole. Dean pulls away from the kiss and looks directly at Cas; his eyes are filled with lust, but not as much as always, there’s warmth in them, and something that Dean doesn’t know, but it makes his heart to go wild._ _

__They press their foreheads together, looking at each other’s eyes the whole time. Dean caresses with his fingers Cas’ jaw, as lovely as possible. Another finger gets inside him and Dean moans and bites his lower lip. Castiel kisses him slowly and delicately and Dean gets lost in that tender kiss._ _

__Castiel keeps opening Dean up, touching his prostate to make him moan and curve his back. When Dean is prep for Cas, he gets his fingers out and searches in the drawer for a condom. Before he pushes in, Castiel cups Dean’s face and he looks at Dean again. Dean is already panting but he doesn’t care. He draws Castiel closer, until they are kissing again. Castiel pushes in, giving all that awesome warmth and taking away the awful emptiness._ _

__When Cas is fully settled, their gazes lock in each other’s eyes, all dark by their pupils. Dean’s hands trace down the back, from the blades to the small of it, finger brushing his butt cheeks. Castiel caresses Dean’s cheekbones with his thumbs. They kiss again, as if they were lovers, without Cas moving inside Dean yet. Dean’s legs tighten around Castiel waist during the kiss._ _

__Castiel starts to move, slowly, sweetly, delicately and gently. He always tries to be sweet, even when he fucks Dean in a hard way, but this isn’t like any of those times. They are making love again._ _

__Dean doesn’t take his eyes from Castiel’s. He wants to see him all the time. He only closes them when Castiel hits that sweet spot that makes Dean to lose consciousness. He moans Cas’ name over and over again. And Castiel moans Dean’s name.  
Castiel looks fucking beautiful to Dean right now. Dean has to kiss him as much as he can, until a moan makes it ways into his lips. He keeps touching Cas, his back, his arms, his legs, his hair, everything. Dean isn’t sure when they are going to have something like this again. He needs to remember everything._ _

__Heat keeps getting higher. They are breathing into each other’s mouths. It is skin against skin. The blue and the green are locked, not moving away from a single moment. There are kisses, and touches. Castiel keeps fucking Dean with those delicate and pleasurable thrusts and Dean keeps rocking his hips sweetly, clenching around Cas’ cock. Their names are said in innumerable moans, filling the silence of the bedroom. They pant, they gasp and they moan._ _

__This is so intimate, so close. Dean doesn’t want Cas to stop. He wants him making love to him all the time. He takes Castiel’s face with his hands and kisses him, as if with that kiss he could tell him all those words he can’t say, all those words he won’t be able to say ever. Both of them can’t breathe after the kiss. Dean clenches around Castiel, who moans harder than ever and his head tilts up, closing his eyes._ _

__“Look at me, Cas.” Dean says needy. His hands cup Castiel’s face, tilting it down slowly._ _

__Castiel opens his eyes and he looks at Dean. He rests his forehead on Dean’s. He is so rapt that he can barely speak. “Dean— You—” Castiel starts to say, but he moans again and words seem to go away. His hands find their way to Dean’s chest and he kisses him. “Are beautiful.” He whispers._ _

__“Cas— Cas— Cas—” Dean moans. “I—” He lets out a whine and closes his eyes. His cock is twitching. He is going to come without being touched on his cock, only feeling the friction of Cas’ body. Cas always manages to do that. But he wants to last more, he wants this bond to last more. He isn’t ready to let it go yet. He feels loved. The moment Cas gets out of him, everything will go back to where it used to be. And Dean doesn’t want that._ _

__“Dean— tell me—” Castiel whines and his thrust gets a little harder._ _

__Dean presses his head on the pillow, letting out a loud moan. “Don’t wanna end this.” He lets out. “Feels good— too good.”_ _

__Castiel kisses him and cups Dean’s face tightly, as if he could avoid Dean from falling apart with that gesture. They have to pull away to let out moans. Castiel starts to thrust harder and quicker. Dean moans harder, rocks his hips needier, searching for that touch, for that warmth inside himself that Cas is giving him. Dean’s whole body is trembling, his toes are curling, his hands are fixed on Castiel’ blades, nailing the tender skin a little._ _

__And then, they come; at the same time. Dean’s body feels boneless and it presses down onto the mattress. His body is trembling but it is relaxed. He isn’t sure if he is breathing at all. Stars are crashing behind his eyeballs and there’s a heartwarming feeling running inside his body._ _

__Castiel has fallen onto Dean. He is in the same conditions. Their foreheads are still touching. Dean can feel Cas’ raggedy breathing. Unconsciously, Dean holds Cas tighter. Castiel moves his head to the pillow, cheek resting on it, but face touching Dean’s cheek. He presses a sweet kiss there._ _

__Dean feels Cas getting out of him, reluctantly. The condom is thrown to the bin. Castiel places his hand on Dean’s right shoulder and presses closer. They don’t say anything; they are too tired and rapt to talk. It isn’t a surprise that both of them fall asleep easily and without noticing it._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__The sound of a loud rock song wakes Castiel up. He is lying above Dean, who is holding him tightly, with his strong arms around him and his hands on his back. Their legs are tangled and Castiel is with his hands on Dean’s shoulders. His cheek is pressed on the pillow, facing Dean, whose face is also turned._ _

__Dean frowns confused and grunts. “Fuck.” He simply says. “Sorry, Cas.” Dean moves away and gets up from the bed. Castiel hates the loss of warmth and he covers himself with the sheets._ _

__Castiel looks at the alarm clock. It is nine o’clock. Not too early but not too late either. Then, he looks at Dean, who is gloriously naked, looking into the pockets of his worn jeans for something. He grabs his mobile phone and sits down on the edge of the bed, showing his back to Castiel._ _

__“Sammy, it is so fucking early, what’s wrong?” Dean says with a grumpy voice. Castiel can hear the muffled voice of Dean’s little brother. “I’m at Cas’.” Castiel makes a smile with that and he approaches Dean to press a soft kiss on the center of the small of his back. Dean turns his face, soft smile and soft blush making their way to his face. “Yeah, I finally spent the night with him.” He blows annoyed and with his free hand, Dean caresses Castiel’s hair. “No, he didn’t have plans— Sam, it is too early, you woke both of us up. Can you leave the fuckin’ questioning for later?” He asks irritated. Castiel can’t help giggling a little. This feels so natural and nice. “I don’t know, Sam, when I leave. Don’t worry, I’ll be there to make you lunch.” He moves his hand away from Castiel’s hair to squeeze the bridge of his nose. “Okay, bye.” And he hangs up the phone._ _

__“Something’s wrong?” Castiel asks._ _

__Dean leaves his mobile phone on the bedside table and then, he turns to look at Cas properly. “No. He just arrived home and he was worried because I wasn’t there.” He explains rubbing his eyes. Castiel finds Dean too adorable when he has just woken up. “Who the fuck arrives home at nine o’clock after a party?”_ _

__“Your brother.” He simply says. Dean chuckles. Castiel caresses Dean’s thigh. “Get in bed, Dean.”_ _

__“Sure.” He gets in bed and with his arm, he draws Castiel closer, until there’s no space in between. Castiel is lying aside and Dean on his back. Castiel spreads his arms along Dean’s chest and he holds him tightly. “Fuckin’ Sammy, waking us up this early.”_ _

__“It is not that early.”_ _

__“You gotta be kidding me.” Dean makes one of his usual sassy glares._ _

__Castiel chuckles and kisses Dean tenderly. He feels Dean’s smile in the kiss, something that he loves too much. “You are a lazy ass.”_ _

__“Of course I am.” He sighs, nuzzles Castiel’s nose and closes his eyes._ _

__“Are you going to fall asleep again?”_ _

__“Damn straight. I still need an hour of sleep.” He mumbles. He presses Castiel a little bit more against him. Castiel starts to caress Dean’s pectoral and he starts to kiss Dean’s neck. Dean purrs. “How can you be this active during mornings?”_ _

__“Because the man lying next to me is naked and hot. Can’t blame me for that.”_ _

__Dean opens his eyes and looks directly at Castiel, with a smile. His green eyes are all warmth and sweetness. Dean kisses him softly. “If you let me sleep an hour, we’ll make out and then I’ll make you waffles.” He says with a cocky smile. “Deal?”_ _

__“Deal.” He steals a kiss and holds Dean tighter._ _

__Dean falls asleep and Castiel keeps his eyes closed, but he doesn’t sleep. He just enjoys being pressed against Dean, feeling this warm, safe and peaceful moment. Right now, Castiel doesn’t want to be anywhere else. He just wants to stay in this bed with Dean. And he wishes they could stay forever like this._ _

__After an hour or so, Dean wakes up and the first thing he does is to kiss Castiel. Soon, they start to kiss in a more passionate way, caressing each other’s bodies, but that’s all. It feels good to be like this with Dean, just cuddling, stealing kisses, tracing with their hands each other’s bodies and smiling and giggling all the time._ _

__Dean goes to the bathroom to take a shower and Castiel makes the bed. He looks at the floor, all covered with their clothes. He looks at the balcony, where they kissed last night. He doesn’t know how they ended up in the bedroom, but it seemed that both of them wanted it. Castiel smiles to himself and folds his clothes. He even puts Dean’s on the bed._ _

__When Dean finishes in the shower and comes back to the bedroom to get dressed, Castiel gets in the bathroom and showers. The hot water relaxes him. The smell of shampoo and gel is already in the air, because of Dean. Castiel smiles because of that.  
After he is dressed with his black t-shirt, his underwear and his red plaid pyjamas pants, he goes towards the kitchen, where Dean is already making the waffle dough, mixing all the ingredients in a bowl. Castiel looks at him as he rests his back on the wall, looking at Dean with a warm smile on his lips._ _

__It has been a long time since Dean started to be something else. Castiel has feelings for Dean. He knew from the first moment he met Dean that there was something different about him, and as days passed, Dean showed him how amazing he is, until he got deep down under Castiel’s skin. Just looking at Dean right now, making breakfast, this homey, it warms Castiel’s heart in an incredible way._ _

__Castiel should tell Dean about how he feels, but he isn’t sure if Dean feels the same way. It is true that what happened last night was because both of them wanted to, they made love, for fuck’s shake, like that night. And Dean looked at him with all the warmth in his heart. Sometimes, Castiel feels that Dean might feel the same, but Dean sometimes says things that break his heart a little, showing that he is nothing else than a whore, and that he comes to see Cas because he pays him._ _

__But when Dean isn’t working, he is lovely, smiling and wanting to do a lot. They have a friendship, both of them know that, but it is a complicated friendship, because it is stated from the fact that Dean is a hooker and Castiel is his client. Dean keeps working for him because he needs the money._ _

__Sometimes Castiel wonders if Dean just comes here for something else, not for the money. What happened yesterday proves that he comes here because he likes Castiel. He likes being with him, Dean has told him that a lot of times. Maybe he has feelings for Castiel, but Dean keeps reminding him that he is Castiel’s whore, and well, Castiel keeps putting a wall to avoid those feelings to show up._ _

__Castiel is afraid of telling Dean, of letting his feelings become stronger. He doesn’t want to lose Dean. He isn’t sure about what Dean wants, but Castiel can’t let his feelings to get through. He just wanted someone to sleep with when they started, but now, he wants more, and he isn’t sure if he is ready to do that or if Dean wants to. Things are messy and complicated._ _

__He looks at Dean again and Castiel smiles. He wishes they would have met in different circumstances, that things were easier. Dean makes him too happy. Just looking at Dean, cooking in his kitchen, makes him really happy._ _

__Dean turns his face to look at Castiel. “Why are you looking me like that, Cas?” Dean asks._ _

__Castiel makes a sweet smile. “I like seeing you when you cook.”_ _

__Dean chuckles. “You look like a punk rocker with that.” He points out Castiel’s clothes with a warm smile._ _

__Castiel looks at his clothes and frowns. Dean’s grin gets wider when Castiel arches a brow. Then Castiel chuckles and walks towards the coffee machine. He caresses Dean’s hair as he walks past. “Do you want some coffee?”_ _

__“Yeah.” He says. Castiel starts to make coffee. “How is it that you now have a waffle iron?”_ _

__“Michael gave it to me for Christmas.” Castiel explains as he puts some milk on Dean’s coffee. “He always gives me that kind of presents. He is terrible at giving away things.” He shrugs. He looks how Dean puts the waffle dough into the waffle iron. He would love to ask Dean what last night meant for him, but Dean doesn’t like talking. And Castiel is afraid of the answer. So he remains in silence and he hands Dean the coffee. “I guess you will use it more than I do.”_ _

__“If you used it, you’d burn down the house.”_ _

__“Probably.”_ _

__Dean laughs and Castiel smiles at him. “Cas.” Dean says after his laughter is gone._ _

__“Yes, Dean?”_ _

__Dean turns his face. He seems to be willing to ask something important, and Castiel looks expectant. Maybe he wants to ask about last night. But instead, Dean smiles and kisses Castiel’s forehead. Castiel closes his eyes and lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. Dean seems to realize about it. “Are you okay?” He asks worried._ _

__“Yeah.” He leans in and presses a brief kiss on Dean’s lips. Dean blushes and Castiel does so. Then, Dean takes the waffle out of the iron and he puts some dough._ _

__Castiel leaves his coffee mug on the counter and hugs Dean, burying his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. Dean’s smell is overwhelming, even if there’s still present Castiel’s shampoo and gel on Dean’s smell. He knows he is hugging Dean needy, but he needs it, he needs Dean._ _

__“Are you sure that you are okay?” Dean asks worried and hugging Cas back, with his arm pulling him closer._ _

__“Yes, Dean. I’m okay.” Castiel lies. He isn’t okay. He thinks he is falling in love with Dean and he is scared of this, because he is going to end up hurt. And he will complicate and screw things up in between them._ _

__Dean kisses the top of his head and Castiel smiles. “Just needed a hug?”_ _

__“Just needed a hug.” He pulls his face away. He cups Dean’s face and he kisses him tenderly. “I don’t know about cooking, but I think that waffle is about to burn.”_ _

__“Shit!” Dean says pulling away as fast as he can and taking out the waffle. “You always do that. Every time I cook, you come and kiss me or hug me or anything. I’m starting to think you want me to burn your house.”_ _

__Castiel laughs. “You are a complete ass—” But Dean interrupts him with a kiss._ _

__“An assbutt. I know. But you like me.” He says with a cocky smile._ _

__“Yes Dean. I like you.” Castiel kisses Dean’s cheek and he starts to search for the Nutella, just to avoid saying something that he shouldn’t say out loud._ _


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

“I’ve got an idea for tonight.” Castiel says after kissing Dean in a spirited way. They are in Castiel’s bedroom. Both of them are naked and Dean is already lying on the bed, with Cas in between his legs. “But I want to know if you are okay with it.”

“Just tell me, Cas.” Dean says with a sweet smile.

Castiel takes a deep breath, as if he was going to let out a huge secret. “I want to tie you, Dean. “Not just the wrists with one of my ties of handcuffs. With ropes. From your waist up completely and on your knees to keep them bend.” He explains seriously and blushing a little, some insecurity showing in his angel face.

Dean arches one eyebrow. “Bondage? You want to do bondage?” He knows that Cas likes to tie him sometimes, but just his wrists. And with ties. Nothing too tight for Dean. He wasn’t expecting Cas to have a kink for bondage.

“If you don’t want to—” He starts to say, but Dean shushes him with a dirty kiss.

“Yeah Cas, I want to. I trust you.” He smirks. He has done some bondage before with other clients. Some of them were good and some of them weren’t. He knows that it will be pretty good with Cas. “Didn’t take you for a bondage guy.” Dean whispers into Castiel’s mouth and then, he kisses him.

Castiel moans sweetly. “A little bondage once in a while feels good.”

“You like to feel that you have everything under your control, huh?” He asks. Castiel gives him a serious look, but with something else that Dean can’t figure it out. He kisses Dean fiercely after that look.

“So you are okay with it?” Castiel asks a bit concerned.

“Yeah Cas. I know you won’t hurt me.”

“If you start to feel pain or—” Now Dean interrupts him by putting his thumb on Castiel’s lips, stroking them, feeling how wet and swollen they are after all those kisses.

“I know Cas, I know.” He kisses him tenderly. “If I want to stop, I will tell you so.”

“Okay.” He says before leaning in to press a soft kiss on Dean’s lips. “What’s your safe word?”

“Impala.” He says. Castiel makes a curious look. “It’s my car and it is a short word, easy to remember and to say.”

“Impala. Okay.” Castiel nods.

“But I suspect that I won’t have to use it with you, ever.” He starts to kiss Cas’ neck gently, nibbling it softly, feeling how Cas trembles.

Castiel places his hand on Dean’s hair and pulls Dean away from his neck with a mischievous smile. “Can’t take your mouth away from me, Dean?”

“You know the answer to that.” He smirks cockily.

Castiel bites his lower lip, making a cocky smile and then, he kisses Dean in a lascivious way. “I’ll grab the rope.” He moves away from the bed and he walks towards the wardrobe.

As Castiel searches for the rope, Dean can’t help thinking about how these two last weeks, after they had made love in New Year’s eve, the sex has been more like sex, just fucking, not like how it was being lately. It has never been making love, except from that night and the New Year’s eve night, but there was something else the rest of the time. Dean can’t explain it right, but there was something else, something unnoticeable that showed that what they did wasn’t just casual sex. But since then, both of them are trying to keep it casual.

They haven’t talked about that night, and they aren’t going to, but Dean wants the sex how it used to be. Maybe they just need their time to get back there. This is what happens when a whore starts to have feelings with a client, that things get messy and it sucks. He hopes that this bondage session will fade away all that crap Dean has in his mind and all these complications in between he and Cas.

Castiel comes back with the ropes and he kneels on the bed. He gives Dean a cautious look, asking with his eyes if Dean is okay with this. Dean smiles and kisses Cas sweetly. “Go ahead, Cas.” Dean says sweetly.

“Where do you want your hands, on your back or on your stomach?” Castiel asks.

“How are you gonna fuck me? Face to face or—?”

“Face to face. I want to see you.” The blush soon spreads through his cheeks and Dean thinks Cas looks adorable. It seems that tonight, both of them are starting to go back to where they were.

“Then, on my back.” Dean says. He kneels on the mattress, so Castiel can tie him properly.

Castiel passes the rope around Dean’s chest, pressing Dean’s arms against his back. Castiel presses the rope not too tight, but it isn’t loose. It is the right amount to keep Dean still but not to hurt him. Dean’s arms and chest are soon tied and Castiel makes a knot on the small on Dean’s back. The rope goes from the lowest part of Dean’s shoulders to his hips and Dean’s arms and hands are pressed against his back, keeping them in place.

“Does it hurt you?” Castiel asks.

“Not at all.” Dean answers.

Castiel traces down Dean’s chest, feeling the rope and the warm skin, making Dean to gasp softly. “It will leave you marks.”

“A good reminder for the whole week.”

Castiel rolls his eyes and smiles. He leans to press a brief kiss on Dean’s lips. “Assbutt.” Dean can’t help smiling happily at that pet name. “Lie down.”

Dean does so. Castiel bends his knees and spreads his legs. He soon starts to tie Dean, from his thigh to the shin, so the knees can’t be unbent. The same happens with Dean’s other leg. Castiel ties it to keep it bend the whole time. When it is done, Castiel touches the inner of Dean’s thighs and he leans a little, so they can stare at each other’s eyes.

“Good?” Castiel asks with a sexy voice.

“Good.” Dean says with a smirk.

They kiss fiercely. Castiel’s tongue pushes inside Dean’s mouth, exploring it. Dean feels how one of Castiel’s hands starts to move towards his hole. His index finger circles it. Dean gasps, pulling away from Cas’ mouth. He looks at Castiel’s eyes, all filled with lust. The finger keeps circling his hole. Castiel presses his finger against Dean’s hole, but it doesn’t get in.

“You are a fucking teaser.” Dean breathes out and closes his eyes.

Castiel chuckles and with his other hand, he grips the rope around Dean’s chest, lifting Dean a little, who opens his eyes. Castiel presses their foreheads together. The finger gets inside Dean easily and Dean lets out a humming sound, which makes Castiel to chuckle. He grips the rope harder, making Dean to feel it harder against his skin, burning it a little, and Castiel starts to kiss his neck as his finger keeps moving inside Dean.

The second finger gets inside and Castiel releases the rope, so Dean can fall back to the mattress. His fingers open Dean up slowly, never going to his prostate. Dean fucks into them, asking for that touch, but Castiel keeps him in place and avoids it. His fingers just brush the sweet spot, just giving Dean a tiny amount of the pleasure he is seeking.

It goes like that with the third. Cas teasing him, never giving him what Dean wants and with that smirk on his face. But when Cas buries his fourth finger, the teasing stops and he starts to touch just where Dean wanted to, so Dean shakes his body, as much as the ropes let him and he moans.

When Dean is opened up, Castiel gets his fingers out of him and he searches in the drawer the condom. Dean is already panting by the time Cas starts to push in. All is warmth and fullness and Dean lets out a relieved breath when Cas is fully settled.

Castiel places his hands on Dean’s chest, grabbing the rope and tightening around Dean’s skin. He starts to fuck Dean with hard thrusts and Dean’s body arches and he tilts his head up, pressing it against the pillow.

Suddenly, Castiel starts to fuck Dean slowly, avoiding his prostate and Dean groans in disappointment. Castiel pulls the ropes, and Dean can feel it pressing it on his back and arms, the rough rope burning his skin. Castiel starts to kiss his neck and he keeps rocking his hips, pushing his cock in and out of Dean slowly, being very careful not to touch that sweet spot.

“Cas— you fucking teaser—” Dean mumbles. With that, Castiel bites where Dean’s shoulder and neck meet. Dean tries to fuck into Cas, but he can’t; Castiel moves away. When Dean opens his eyes, Cas is smiling in a cocky way.

Dean feels being raised. Castiel is kneeling on the mattress and Dean ends up sitting on his lap, with Cas’ cock buried in his ass but not touching his prostate. Castiel twists the rope, pressing it even more and Dean groans. With his other hand, he touches one of Dean’s buttocks. There’s lust and possession in Castiel’s eyes.

Castiel kisses Dean fiercely, leaving him breathless. Their lips are soaked with their saliva and Castiel licks his own lips. Dean moves to kiss Cas in the same way. The hand that was on Dean’s buttock moves until it is on Dean’s hair and it tilts Dean’s head up, pulling him away. “Always so eager, Dean.” Castiel whispers. With his other hand, he grasps tighter the rope and pulls Dean closer.

Dean moans when he feels Cas pushing deeper. Cas is balls deep and Dean moans and groans. His skin is starting to be sore where the ropes are, but he likes it. He closes his eyes and moans Castiel’s name. He is soon back to lying on the bed and Cas is above him, fucking him with those sweet and hard thrusts.

Castiel is fucking him senseless, as his hands keep moving along the ropes, moving Dean a little to change the angle or to just tighten them. Dean keeps moaning and groaning and shaking as much as he can. He clenches around Cas several times and all those times, he feels Cas fucking trembling above him.

“Don’t come yet, Dean.” Castiel says gripping the ropes and sitting Dean on his lap again. Dean feels as if he was breathing fire. His cock is twitching; he wants to come, but Cas doesn’t want him to yet. He opens his eyes and looks at Cas, being as beautiful as always and Dean can’t help to kiss him in a needy way. When he stops, Castiel presses their bodies together, until they can feel their sweaty bodies. He places his mouth on Dean’s ear and whispers. “You look so beautiful Dean.”

Dean groans something he doesn’t know what it is, but it is interrupted by a moan when Cas fucks him in that position. Dean fucks into that cock, riding him as good as he can, he is tied up, so mobility is something he lacks right now, Cas is the one who has leverage, but both of them find a rhythm.

Their foreheads are pressed together. Castiel keeps twisting the rope from where he is grabbing it. Dean has his eyes half opened, and he can see that Cas is in the same conditions as him; panting, sweating, flushed and about to come.

Dean comes, painting their bodies and the rope in white. His body gives up on moving and all he can do is tremble and orgasm with Cas’ name coming out of his lips as easy as always. Almost at the same time, Castiel comes and ends up like Dean. It is a shame that Dean can’t hold Cas right now.

He isn’t sure how he collapses down on the mattress, but he thanks having his back pressed on it and having Cas above him. After some minutes, Cas starts to move tiredly and he starts to untie Dean’s legs. Dean stretches them and he breathes happily and relieved, feeling that tingling buzzing feeling running down his legs once they are freed.

“Did it hurt you?” Castiel asks as his fingers stroke the marks left on Dean’s skin. He sounds worried and when Dean looks at Castiel’s eyes, he sees even more worry in them.

“No Cas, it didn’t.” Dean says. “It’s gonna be sore for a little, but I’m okay with it.”

Castiel nods and he starts to press sweet little kisses where the red marks of the ropes are. Dean smiles and he feels a tingling above his stomach every time Cas’ lips are on his skin. It’s the after care, and Cas does it with such sweetness and gentleness that Dean feels like he was floating on a cloud. Then, he raises Dean, until he is sitting and he starts to untie the long rope around his chest and his arms.

“Are you sure that it didn’t hurt you? I tightened it pretty tight and I even twist it.” Castiel murmurs. There isn’t only worry in his voice, it seems that there’s shame as well.

“Cas.” Dean starts to say. Cas isn’t looking at his eyes, his sight is focused on the rope, so Dean moves his head until their eyes are meeting. “I would have told you to stop or I would have used the safe word if it hurt me. You were pretty hard, but it didn’t hurt.” He says. Castiel nods. When Dean is finally freed from the rope, his hands cup Cas’ face, lifting it, so their eyes can meet. “Hey, everything went well Cas. Don’t worry.” And he presses a kiss on his forehead, but Cas still seems worried. “What’s troubling you?”

Castiel just kisses Dean tenderly. It has been some weeks since he last kissed Dean like that. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead on Dean’s. “Just needed some rough time, you know?” He takes a deep breath. Dean holds him by his back and presses their bodies together. He knows that Cas needs his warmth right now. “I hate using you to take away my hard days.”

Dean wants to say that this is how he works. Clients use him for sex; he is used to it, but he doesn’t want to tell Cas. He can’t, in fact. “It’s okay, Cas.” Dean simply says. He kisses Cas’ head after that.

“I’m sorry.”

Dean frowns in confusion. “For what?”

Castiel places his hands on the small of Dean’s back, drawing himself closer to Dean. He closes his eyes and sighs. “For being a dick lately, Dean. I just—” He takes a deep breath. Dean’s heart skips a beat. Are they going to talk about what happened during New Year’s eve? He hopes not. He isn’t ready for that. “I just felt like shit lately, you know? And I shouldn’t have been this distant with you, Dean.” He keeps saying. He opens his eyes, letting Dean to see that they are a bit glassy. “I’m sorry.”

“We all got our bad weeks, Cas. Don’t worry.” He makes a tender smile and he kisses Castiel’s lips softly. “You’ve seen me at my worst too, so.” He shrugs.

Castiel smiles and he kisses Dean in a lovely way, then, he grabs Dean’s hands and he kisses his wrists, where there are more red marks. “You are great.” His kisses keep going all the way up, kissing Dean’s arms, where the ropes where. “You are amazing.” He whispers into Dean’s skin, making Dean’s stomach to flinch. With his hand on Dena’s chest, Castiel makes Dean to fall onto the mattress, kissing now Dean’s chest. “You are perfect.”

“Shut up.” He says blushing and with a weak voice. He doesn’t do praising; it doesn’t feel right. Dean is just a whore. Those types of words can’t be said to someone like Dean.

Castiel chuckles, warming with that wonderful sound Dean’s heart. He presses a kiss above Dean’s left nipple, right where his heart it. “I really mean it, Dean.” He whispers. His eyes are full of fondness, and Dean would like to tell him that it is bullshit, all of that, but there’s a limp in his throat that doesn’t let him to say a single word. Castiel moves and he kisses Dean’s lips briefly, but sweetly. “We should sleep.”

“Yeah.”

 

***

 

Castiel gets out of the bathroom and he gets dressed. Dean is already making pancakes in the kitchen and Castiel, like always, smiles when he sees him so concentrated with the dough.

He has tried so hard to put some space in between them. Castiel can’t stop thinking about what happened in New Year’s eve, how they made love and how wonderful he felt after that. He thought that putting space in between he and Dean would help to fade away all those things he feels about Dean, but having sex with Dean didn’t feel the same, and even when he woke up the next day, Castiel tried to put a wall in between each other, tensing things, and it didn’t feel right.

Castiel can’t keep putting space in between them. Dean is a very special person to him, and he doesn’t want to lose him. They should get back to where they were. He should forget about everything that happened in New Year’s eve and keep going, with or without feelings.

He walks towards Dean and he turns him over so he can kiss him in a happy way. Dean is shocked at first, but then, he holds Cas by his waist, pulling him closer and kissing him enthusiastically.

“You are in a good mood this morning.” Dean observes.

Castiel smiles and leans to press a brief kiss to Dean’s lips, making the younger man to smile as well. He really loves that smile. “I am.”

“Yeah, I see. It’s been a long time since I saw you this happy. What changed?” He asks as his thumbs make soothing circles on the small of Castiel’s back. Dean is always doing tender things to him. They are small gestures, but Castiel loves them.

Castiel makes a mysterious smile and he kisses Dean in a too lovely way. “Me, I guess.” And he pulls away to make coffee for both of them.

“Meaning?” Dean asks confused as he goes back to mix the pancakes dough.

Castiel smiles and looks at Dean, who turns his face to see him. “It means that I pull away all that shit in my head.”

Dean makes an agreement pout. “Sounds great.” He chuckles after the words.

Castiel approaches him and steals a kiss, making both of them to smile. “It does.”

 

***

 

“It’s so beautiful.” Charlie says as she caresses the _Star Wars_ sword that Castiel gave to Dean for Christmas.

“You say that every time you see it.” Dean says with a sassy voice. Every time that Charlie goes to the Winchester’s home, she has to see the sword and touch it.

“You know, I must meet Castiel. Maybe the three of us can make a threesome and maybe he will buy me this.” She says without taking her eyes from the sword.

“He is gay and you are lesbian.” Dean says with an obvious grimace.

“I know, but I want a _Star Wars_ sword so bad. It is so beautiful and so frigging expensive. I need as girlfriend as rich as your boyfriend.”

“Cas is not my boyfriend.” It doesn’t matter how many times he repeats it; everyone keeps thinking that he and Castiel are a couple. If all those people knew the truth…

Although sometimes Dean is confused. These two weeks Cas has been very distant, and last night he just told Dean about it and this morning everything seemed to go back to how it used to. Cas smiling, touching him and kissing him while Dean was making breakfast. And it felt as if they were a couple, and they aren’t. It is confusing and messy. It will always be.

“He gave you this awesome thing and that original drawing of Vonnegut! Fuck buddies don’t give that kind of presents!” Charlie says with a lot of sass. When she wants to show her point about something, she always does it with a lot of sass.

“Yeah? And how do you know? You never had a fuck buddy.” Dean says with a pout.

“Touché.” She makes a childish pout. “But I don’t think that’s a common thing.”

“I gave him an awesome present too, so it’s no big deal.”

“Oh Dean, you couldn’t be blinder.”

“Hey! Kevin is already here!” Sam shouts from downstairs.

“Okay!” Dean shouts. He takes away the sword from Charlie’s hands. “C’mon Charlie, you had enough time with the sword.”

“I’m gonna marry it one of these days.” She says sighing.

Dean can’t help chuckling and rolling his eyes at that comment. Charlie is such a nerd, but he loves her a lot, like a sister of course. The ginger became a sister to the Winchester brothers a long time ago. She might not have Winchester as her last name, but she is officially one.

“Hey Kevin.” Charlie and Dean greet at the same time.

“Hey.” Kevin greets.

Kevin has been coming to the Winchester’s house for some weeks. Sam was the one who knew him better, due to the fact that they are classmates, but now, Dean knows Kevin as he has become a friend to him as well. And well, Charlie and Kevin are two big nerds, so they get on well really good, although sometimes they fight about videogames and some animes, but in a cool way.

“Are you ready for me and Kevin to kick your asses?” Sam asks as he grabs one of the Play Station’s remotes. Charlie brought two more so the four of them could play.

“I hope this time, somebody doesn’t screw things up.” Charlie says looking directly at Dean as she sits down on the floor, in front of Dean’s spot.

“Hey! It’s not my fault that I’m the less geek here!” Dean says as he sits on the couch.

“The less geek?” Sam says laughing. “Who has a _Star Wars_ sword?”

“Who has all the _Lord of the Rings_ books and movies?” Charlie asks with the same accusing voice as Sam.

“Who has the whole _Star Trek_ ’s original series on DVD plus the original movies?” Kevin snaps too.

Dean glares all of them. “I meant the less geek on videogames.” Dean says with an angry frown.

“Yeah, sure.” Sam says chuckling and Dean throws him the first cushion he grabs. “This only shows that our points were right.”

“Keep frustrating him Sam. That way it will be easier to win.” Kevin says with a mischievous smile.

“Fuck you both.” Dean grunts.

“Save your anger for the game, Dean. Don’t let the dark side seduce you.” Charlie starts to say with a calming voice. She even pets Dean’s wrist in a soothing way. When she pulls away her hand, she sees the mark left by last night’s bondage session and she looks at Dean with concern. Dean is about to say something, but she is already grabbing his wrist again and rolling up his Henley’s shirt to look at it with attention. “What happened to you?”

Kevin and Sam look at the wrist and they give Dean a confusing and concerned look. “Dean, how did you get that?” Sam asks all worried.

Dean blushes a lot. He has to tell the truth, because he doesn’t know what kind of lie he can tell that convinces his friends and his brother. Dean looks down and makes a grimace. He is going to regret this. “I—” Dean starts to say. He clears his throat. “Do you know what bondage is?”

“No way!” Charlie yells excited. Dean gives her a shocking look. “I never thought about you being a bottom!”

“Charlie, for fuck’s sake! Do you even think about me like that?!” Dean says blushing a lot. He knows Charlie for years, but sometimes, she still manages to surprise and shock Dean.

Charlie smirks. “As if you didn’t think about what I am when I have sex with another girl.”

Dean makes an agreement face. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“Thanks Charlie, I am now picturing my brother doing things I really didn’t want to think about.” Sam says with a gross face.  
“Is that comfortable?” Kevin asks with an interested face.

“Yeah. As long as the ropes aren’t too tight and the person knows how to do it well, yeah.” Dean explains casually. “I’m not a fan of doing bondage every single week, but once in a while it’s awesome.”

“Okay, can we please play the game and stop talking about Dean’s kinks?” Sam asks a bit desperate.

“What other kinks do you have, Dean?” Charlie says as she rests her chin on Dean’s knee.

“There’s no way I’m gonna tell you that.” Dean says.

“And what about Castiel’s kinks?”

“Castiel?” Kevin asks confused.

“His boyfriend.” Sam and Charlie say at the same time.

“He is not my boyfriend. He is a fuck buddy.” Dean rectifies. Now, he looks directly at Charlie. “And you just found out one of his kinks, you should have enough with that.”

“I think we all have enough with that.” Sam says with an awkward face. “I’m gonna have nightmares.”

“Don’t worry, Sammy, once you get the balls to ask Jessica out, we’ll ask you about these things.” Dean jokes. Sam glares him, naturally. Kevin and Charlie chuckle. “Seriously, why don’t you just ask her out?” Dean asks.

“Why don’t you just tell Cas that you want something else?” Sam snaps.

“Touchy.” Charlie says with an awkward expression.

“I already told you the reasons.” Dean says with a serious voice. He isn’t going to talk about it again. He already told Sam, and although Charlie is like family and Kevin is a good friend, Dean would rather keep all the things that involve feelings about Castiel to himself. Sam already knows more than Dean wants, but Sam is his brother, so he deserves to know. Even if Dean is avoiding the huge secret. “You know it is complicated.”

“Yeah, and my thing with Jessica too.” Sam says looking devastated and ashamed.

“It’s not complicated Sam.” Kevin says. Sam and Dean look at the younger kid. “She likes you a lot, she is as obvious as you. Everybody knows that you like her and that she likes you. Except you two.”

“It must be a genetic thing, Kevin.” Charlie starts to say. “Neither Sam nor Dean can see when someone likes them.” She gives Sam and Dean a warning look. “Sam, ask her out. And Dean; figure things out.”

“If you don’t tell Jessica, I will lock you two somewhere and you aren’t getting out until you are dating.” Kevin says with a threatening voice. He sounds really serious.

“O—okay, I’ll ask her out.” Sam says nodding. “And what are you gonna do, Dean?” He asks with a concerned voice.

Dean shrugs. “Figure things out, I guess. Y’know I suck at this and I need my time.” He isn’t going to figure things out or anything. He needs to keep working for Cas. He needs the money, and frankly, Cas is the best client Dean has ever had. He doesn’t want to let him go. But he hates knowing that after all, Cas is his client.

 

After a good afternoon of videogames and after forgetting about Dean’s and Sam’s loves interest, Charlie and Kevin left and Dean and Sam started to have dinner. Tomorrow it’s Monday, so they have to go to bed early because they will have to wake up early, and Mondays are so hard.

“Hey, Dean.” Sam starts to say as he gives Dean one of the dishes he just washed to dry it. Dean makes a humming noise and Sam keeps talking. “I didn’t want to say anything about Cas, I know how touchy it is for you and how much you hate talking about it.” His voice is full of regret. “I know it is hard for you and after all you told me, well, I should have shut my mouth.”

“Don’t worry Sam.” Dean says with a tiny smile. “We both know that you can’t shut your mouth ever.” He chuckles and Sam does the same. One of the great things about Sam is that he isn’t afraid of telling things that most people wouldn’t dare to say out loud. Dean discovered it when Sam faced John when he was just a teenager. “I shouldn’t have said anything about Jessica. You are fucking smart, Sam, but when it comes to girls, you are a fool.”

“Yeah, I know that.” He blushes a little and keeps washing one of the glasses. “She’s so awesome, y’know? And sometimes when I’m about to ask her out, I think that she is too good for me and that I’ll not be good enough for her, so I should better not do it.” His eyes go down and he sighs after those words in a devastated way.

Dean knows that. Every time he thinks about he and Cas being something else, that thought comes to him. But Sam is being ridiculous; there’s no possible way that he wouldn’t be good enough for a girl. “Sammy, that’s bullshit.” Dean starts to say. Sam looks at him with a confused frown. “You are good enough for her.”

“Thanks, Dean.” He says shyly. “Can I ask you something?”

“I’m gonna regret it, but shoot.” Dean says. He kind of knows what Sam is going to ask.

Sam takes a deep breath. “Do you think you will be ever ready to take the next step with Cas?”

Dean looks down. His heart is starting to ache in a very painful way as coldness seems to run down his body. He wants to, he wants so bad to stop being Cas’ whore and start being his boyfriend. But Cas doesn’t want him like that. He would have said something about it if he wanted Dean to be something else, right? But everything is so confusing and complicated that Dean doesn’t know if that thing, if Cas and Dean started to be together as a couple, would work. Dean is ninety percent crap and Cas is fucking awesome. Why on earth will someone like Castiel Novak want to be with someone as shitty as Dean Winchester?

And if they got together, what would Dean do to keep paying the bills and Sammy’s and his studies? He knows it sounds too selfish and repent, to think about the money, but Dean has to keep earning money, because he is the only one who can take care of himself and his little brother. And if he stops earning that amount of money, they will have to say goodbye to everything. And they have already lost too much.

Everything would fall apart. And Dean has seen several times during his life how everything has fallen apart and he has had to start over. Right now, he doesn’t have the luxury to do that. There are too many responsibilities, too many problems and too many complications. This started as another job, how did he end up falling for Castiel?

“Dean?” Sam asks.

Dean looks at his brother, who is waiting for an answer. Dean sighs. “I don’t know.” But both of them know that sentence means ‘no’.

Sam doesn’t say anything about that and he keeps washing while Dean dries. Sam tries to get Dean away from all those thoughts by talking about the new videogame Charlie is bringing next Sunday. Dean thanks in his mind the change of topic. He needs to keep himself away from all those dangerous thoughts and feelings.

Suddenly, Dean’s phone rings, so he picks it from his jean’s pocket. He looks at the screen, seeing that his doesn’t have memorized that phone number, so he frowns at it. Sam looks at him with curious eyes. Dean makes a pout and he picks it up.

“Hello?” Dean says.

“ _Seems that the only way to talk to ya it is by callin’ ya with anotha number._ ” John mumbles. His voice is all filled with rage and the effects of cheap alcohol.

“What the hell do you want now?” Dean asks with his teeth clenched.

“Is it dad?” Sam says approaching Dean. “Put the speaker on.” He grabs Dean’s phone and he does it.

“ _Can’t a father call to his kids?_ ” John snaps. His words feel like poison to Dean’s ears.

“Call for what?” Sam snaps angrily. He isn’t yelling, but his voice is so full of anger that it could be like he was yelling. “To insult Dean?”

John lets out a groan. “ _He’s turnin’ ya into a disrespectful kid. Ya shouldn’t be livin' with him._ ”

“And Sammy would be better if he lived with you?” Dean snaps angrily. He remembers when they were kids that Sammy was a bit afraid of John. Their father was always hard with them, but he was harder with Dean, and Sam always saw that and he was afraid that one day, John was going to do something terrible to Dean. Sam told Dean that when they were kids.

“ _Of course! Ya got no right!_ ”

“And you do?” Dean asks. “You ignored him most of your life! You always talk about how proud you were about Sam but you were never there when he needed you!”

“ _Don’t cha talk to me like that Dean! I’m his father!_ ”

“Dean has been more than a father than you!” Sam yells. Dean looks at Sam; he is all flushed with anger, teeth clenched and his hands are two tight fists that leave his knuckles white. “He was the one who raised me! And Bobby! You weren’t there when we needed you! And you still think that I should be with you?!”

“ _If ya were with me ya wouldn’t be talkin’ like this to me. The next thing I’ll see is that he turns ya into the faggot he is!_ ”

“How can you talk about him like that?!” Sam snaps all furious.

Dean can’t talk right now. He is remembering one night, when he was at Bobby’s garage, he was sixteen years old or so. Dean had just met a pretty boy and they were making out in the darkness of Bobby’s garage. Dean and Sam were still living at Bobby’s. John came that night to pay a visit to the Winchester brothers and he found Dean making out with that guy. John started to beat the shit out of Dean, until Sam arrived with Bobby and they pulled John away from Dean, who was almost unconscious and bleeding.

“ _Because that’s what he is! A fuckin’ faggot! He is so fuckin’ broken, disgusting and wasted! He is a fuckin’ kid who can’t do anything right!_ ”

“I did one thing right.” Dean starts to say. His voice is low but strong. Sam looks at him, with glassy eyes. “I raised Sammy and he grew up pretty well. And I am able to keep a home and pay for our studies, which is more than you have ever done.” As Dean keeps talking, Sam’s lips turn into a proud sweet smile.

“ _But ya are still a fuckin’ faggot that can’t do anything worth._ ”

“And you are a fucking drunk man who only knows how to hit his kids and insult them.” Sam says with all the anger he has.

“ _Sam, listen to me._ ” His voice is rough and hard, as if he was really irritated and his patience was running out. “ _Ya still got time to make it right, but Dean? It is too late. He’s a lost cause. He’s the biggest shit in this world._ ”

Before Sam can say anything back, John hangs up. Dean feels dizzy with anger and frustration. They are just words from a drunk old man, but then, why do they hurt him so much? Why do those words hit Dean this hard and get so deep under his skin? They are just words from a man who has been absent for most of Dean’s life. Why John’s words matter so much to Dean?

Inside Dean, there’s a hurricane of emotions. Anger, frustration, desperation, insecurity and pain are the ones that predominate. And right now, Dean doesn’t know what to do. He is still looking at his phone, placed on the kitchen table, as if suddenly, something could come out of it and it could remove this conversation he and Sam just had with their father.

“Dean?” Sam asks with a trembling voice. Dean doesn’t take his eyes off his phone. “Dean, are you okay?”

They are just words. Just words. His father has been using them against him, along with his fists. And it always hurts. It will always hurt, no matter how older Dean gets, how many distance John puts himself from Dean and Sam’s life; his words will always hurt.

“You know he was saying bullshit, Dean.” Sam starts to say. He places his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “You aren’t a lost cause, Dean. I’m sure that dad wishes he could be the man you are.” A man who works as a whore. Yeah, John Winchester would wish to be like that. Dean would laugh in a painful way if he could tell Sam about it. “Don’t let him get it to you.” Sam continues speaking. Dean is still looking at his phone, unable to move his eyes from it. “He should be proud of you instead of threating you like he does.”

Dean finally looks at his little brother. His glassy eyes show that he means every single word he just said, but still, the words are stuck in Dean’s brain, like every time John says things like that. It is like they were tattooed on Dean’s skin and he wears them everywhere, unable to forget any of those single words.

Dean nods and exhales sharply. He grabs his phone and he starts to walk away from the kitchen. As he was expecting, Sam walks towards him and grabs his shoulder, turning him over. “Hey, where are you going?” Sam asks worried.

“My bedroom.” Dean simply says. Sam gives him a worried look; he always knows that Dean pretends to be fine after something related with John happens, but Dean feels like shit. “I just need to be alone, Sam.” He moves away from Sam’s grip and walks towards the stairs.

“Okay.” Sam says breathy. “If you need anything—”

“I know, Sam. I know.” Dean says turning and giving his brother an honest smile.

Sam returns the smile, although his is filled with worry, and Dean walks towards his bedroom. He locks the door and he sits on the window. There’s like some kind of seat under the bottom part of the window, so Dean can sit on it, with his back leaning on the wall and his legs bend on that seat and he can press his cheek on the window and look at the street.

Dean opens the window and grabs one cigarette from one of the drawers from the closest furniture to the window. He always keeps a pack of cigarettes there, for whenever John calls or comes here and Dean needs his time to process everything. The cigarette helps him. It takes away most of his pain. He only smokes at moments like this.

As he smokes, he looks through the window and he sees the houses from his neighborhood, with some of their lights on, making it easy for Dean to see the people from those houses, doing whatever they are doing. He can see some of the buildings in the horizon, with those shinning lights. It is late and dark. The clouds are covering the sky, hiding the starts and the moon, but this last one can leak its light through the dark clouds.

The cold caresses Dean’s face with its usual hard way, but right now it is welcoming. Dean puffs the smoke, seeing how it moves outside, curling in the distance until it disappears in the atmosphere, as ephemerally as always, as it had never existed.

The night is dark and cold and Dean wishes he had someone warming him, soothing him with sweet words, holding him, avoiding him to fall apart. He wishes that Cas was there, sitting in the seat under the window with him, calming him with that way of his, holding him and making things easier.

Dean extinguishes the cigarette on the outside wall of the house and he throws the cigarette end away. He picks his phone and he looks at it. He needs to hear Cas’ voice right now, just to hear him. He shouldn’t, but fuck it, he needs Cas.

Soon, he is calling Cas and waiting for him to answer. There are some beeps until Cas finally picks up the phone.

“Hey Cas.” Dean says. He hates that he sounds this broken, this weak.

“ _Dean, are you okay?_ ” Castiel asks and Dean can feel how worried he sounds.

“No, I’m not.” Sometimes, Dean lies to Castiel, just to hide his feelings, but sometimes, he can’t. Words come out easily and Dean finds himself talking about things that he doesn’t even talk with Sam.

“ _What happened?_ ” He sounds even more worried than before.

“My father called.”

“ _Oh crap. What did he tell you this time?_ ”

“That I’m a faggot. That I don’t do anything right. And that I’m a lost cause.” He answers as he looks outside. It is impossible to see Cas’ apartment from here. Dean would love to be able to see it.

“ _You know that you do a lot of things right and you aren’t a lost cause, right?_ ” His voice is sweet and strong. It gives Dean’s confidence and comfort. But still, Dean is hurt by his father’s words.

“I’m a bit of a lost cause, Cas.”

“ _Bullshit._ ” Castiel snaps. He sounds so furious about Dean saying that. “ _He should be proud of having a kid who raised his little brother and can keep a house, can have the fridge full of food always and who can pay for their studies._ ”

“By being a whore.” Dean whispers. Just in case Sam is listening. He isn’t going to be with his ear pressed against Dean’s bedroom door, but Dean doesn’t want to risk.

“ _Dean, if I would have been in your situation, I would have done the same. Or I would have been cooking meth._ ”

“Who are you Walter White?”

“ _Who is Walter White?_ ”

“You— Oh fuck Cas, you must watch _Breaking Bad_.” Dean says.

“ _Okay, I will, but back to the point._ ” He says with a serious voice. “ _Circumstances didn’t give you much choice, Dean. You had to pay the bills, you had to raise your brother, you had to pay for yours studies, you had to keep a home for the two of you and you were young and without working experience. What other choice did you have? The world didn’t give you many choices, and the few that were given to you weren’t easy. Still, you are still fighting and standing. And that’s remarkable._ ”

Dean feels a few tears falling from his eyes. His eyes feel sore and burning. His tears get colder as they trace down his face. He lets out a sob. He doesn’t want to cry right now. He doesn’t want Cas to hear him cry.

“ _Dean—_ ” Castiel says Dean’s name with a heartbreaking voice. “ _You are worth, Dean, more than you think._ ” Now his voice is all powerful, showing that he means every single word he says. “ _Life isn’t easy, it is hard and painful, and yet, there you are, taking care of your brother, keeping a house and studying. Your profession might not be the best one, but you can’t define yourself just by that._ ”

“I know.” Dean says between sobs. He wipes off the tears from his face. “It’s just that— I am shit, Cas, I am full of shit.”

“ _You aren’t._ ” He says sweetly. Dean sighs. “ _I know what it is like when your father calls you all those things. Even faggot. Mine told me that being a faggot wasn’t natural, that I shouldn’t like men, that it was disgusting. He couldn’t believe that someone as smart as me was a faggot._ ” He sounds weaker as he talks and Dean hates how broken Cas sounds as he tell that. “ _He told me that I disappointed him. Even my mother told me that. And when I look at them, I still see that I disappoint them._ ”

“They have the best fucking awesome son ever. They are stupid if they think all of that.”

“ _And your father is stupid for thinking that you are a lost cause._ ”

Dean makes a tiny smile, then he sighs. “I knew you were gonna make me smile, even if it is a tiny one.” He hears Cas making a soft chuckle on the phone. “Sorry I called you this late Cas. I needed to hear you.”

“ _Don’t worry. You can call me whenever you need to, Dean. I’m here for you._ ”

Dean makes a bigger smile with that and his heart is suddenly filled with a warm sensation. “And I’m here for you too.”

Castiel chuckles. Dean is sure that he must be blushing a lot right now. “ _Do you want to come here so I can give you a comforting hug?_ ”

Dean laughs. “You serious?”

“ _Yeah._ ”

“I’d love that, but it is late Cas. And both of us have to wake up early.” Dean says. He has called Cas quite late, and although he knows Cas doesn’t mind it, Dean doesn’t want to bother him anymore.

“ _I can go to your house if you want me to._ ” He says.

“Yeah, and you will have to go through Sam’s interrogatory, and that it is gonna last for one hour at last.” He sasses. He would love to say that he is exaggerating, but he isn’t. Castiel laughs brightly and it is a wonderful sound. How much he loves that laughter.

“ _I can go through that if it means that you will feel better tonight. I hate knowing that you feel bad._ ”

“You are such a sweet gentleman.” Dean says chuckling as he plays with his jeans. It is something he does when he feels flattered or heartwarming.

“ _Shut up._ ” He says giggling. “ _Are you sure you don’t want me there?_ ”

“No Cas, I’m good. This helped me a lot. Really.” He looks at the window and he takes a deep breath. There’s mist appearing on the air and it soon disappears. “I’m gonna sleep, it’s late.”

“ _Okay. If you need to talk again, just call me._ ”

“I will. Thanks Cas.” He smiles and he closes the window.

“ _You are welcome Dean. Goodnight._ ”

“Goodnight.”

Dean looks at his phone and smiles. It is incredible how Cas can make him feel better with so little. Just hearing his voice it makes Dean to forget everything. He isn’t going to forget John’s words, but Cas helped to fade them away for tonight and he helped him to feel better and not like shit.

He has definitely fallen for him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I really mean it. I'm so glad you are enjoying this fic as much as you do *-* Thanks a lot for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscription :)

“I think it is now fixed.” Dean says as he restarts Bobby’s computer. The old man had some trouble with his personal computer. Windows was all the time popping up some message that said that the copy wasn’t an original one, which it isn’t, so Dean had to reinstall it. Bobby knows a lot of about mechanics, but give him a computer and he is fucking lost.

Suddenly the main door is opened and closed and Jody appears in the living room, wearing her sheriff’s uniform. “Hey Dean!” She greets with her usual warm smile. Then she approaches Bobby and gives him a brief but sweet kiss. “Hey grumpy.”

“Will ya stop calling me that?” Bobby asks with a soft angry voice.

“Nope.” Jody smiles. “Fixing the computer Dean?”

“Yeah. I hope this time it lasts more.” He looks at Bobby with a sarcastic glare. Something that earns him a campion from the old man. “Hey! I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true!”

“Kid’s right.” Jody says with a smug smile.

“Shut up the two of you. These things ain’t done for me.” Bobby mutters grumpily, which makes Jody to chuckle and to press a kiss on Bobby’s cheek. She definitely loves that old mechanic man. And Dean can see that Bobby loves her a lot too. They are always sassing and teasing each other, but they are so happy together. Part of Dean envies them.

“You staying for dinner Dean?” Jody asks.

“No.” Dean answers and he looks at his mobile phone to check the time. He still has time left to go home, make dinner for him and Sam and then go to Cas’ apartment. “Gotta make dinner and go to work.”

“How’s work kid?” Bobby asks with his usual parenting voice. It has been like four years since Dean and Sam started living in their own house and they left Bobby’s, but still, Bobby always cares about the boys; he will always care. No matter how old the Winchester brothers get. Bobby is like a father and for Bobby, they are their adopted kids.

“Good.” Dean says casually. “As always.” He tries to make an honest smile, but he detects that Bobby can see that Dean is putting a fake one.

“Gonna get change and make dinner.” Jody announces. She squeezes Dean’s shoulder and smiles at him. “Good to see you, Dean.”

“Thanks sheriff.” Dean says smiling as Jody walks by. Then, he looks at Bobby, who has an arched brow. “What?”

“Something’s troubling ya. C’mon, spit it up. Is it work?” The old man places his hand, all wasted from age and working on the garage, but still strong, on Dean’s shoulder. His eyes are fixed on Dean’s, trying to get the truth. It is an old habit from Bobby.

“Nah, it’s not work.” Dean looks at the screen and he checks that the computer’s problem is gone, so he decides to switch it off.

“John called or appeared again?” He asks. Sam and Dean visited Bobby last week and they told him about John’s call. During the time Sam and Dean lived with Bobby, John used to appear once in a while and visit his kids, if they can be called visits. He was always drunk and ready to beat the crap out of Dean. Bobby always avoided that and he punched John more than once.

“No, he hasn’t.”

Bobby makes a thoughtful hum and he squeezes his eyes. “Is that boy you are— I don’t know the term you use.” He makes a funny confused face, the one he puts when he doesn’t understand something. “Is something ‘bout Castiel?”

Dean doesn’t know what to say. Things seem to be back to what they used to be before New Year’s eve; that space in between Cas and him is gone, which is something really good. The problem comes with the fact that Dean’s feelings aren’t gone. He wants to keep it casual. He is Castiel’s whore and he should never forget it. But he can’t get rid of those stupid feelings.

Every time at the end of the month, when he sees that Cas has deposited the money for Dean’s services, part of Dean feels like shit, because that amount of money he sees at the end of every month, it is a reminder of what he is; Castiel’s whore. He can think, imagine and hope that there’s something more behind that, but once he sees those numbers in his account, everything reduces at what it is; Dean is just a simply whore to Castiel.

The truth is that part of Dean would love to screw it all and confess Castiel that he wants to stop being his whore and be his boyfriend. Another part tells him that if he ever does that, Cas is going to reject him or that Dean will fuck things up because he sucks at relationships and he will lose Cas and both of them will end up hurt and angry. Another part says that if he quits, how the hell will he pay the bills and his and Sam’s studies? And another part keeps telling him that any sane person would like to be with a whore like Dean.

There are too many voices, too many feelings and Dean knows that he should stick with this messy thing he and Cas have. It works for the two of them; even if sometimes Dean is living in an emotional rollercoaster.

“No, everything is okay.” Dean finally says. He tries so hard not to sound or look like he is pretending.

Bobby gives him a doubtful look; the old man knows Dean too well. “Sure?”

“Sure.” Dean smiles again, this time it seems more honest. He stands up from the chair. “Well, everything is fixed. It doesn’t have to give you any trouble, so I hope you won’t call me until two months.”

“Two months? Do ya think it’ll last me that long?” He sounds as if he was insulted.

Dean can’t help chuckling. “I hope that.” He slaps in a friendly way Bobby’s shoulder. “Gotta go. See you, Bobby.”

“See ya, Dean.”

 

It doesn’t matter what Dean can think about this thing he has with Cas. It doesn’t matter how complicated and frustrating the week can go every time he thinks about he and Cas. It doesn’t matter all those doubts, all those fears, all those thoughts, all those feelings. Nothing of that matters when Cas fucks him this slowly, almost love making, when Castiel looks at him as if Dean was the most precious thing in this world, when they can touch each other, when there’s skin to skin, when there are all kinds of kisses. It doesn’t matter. Dean feels full, great, awesome, rapt and thousands of wonderful things he can’t put words to.

He lies to himself and lets himself fall into that lie. When he and Castiel are like this, so close and so intimate, Dean feels as if he wasn’t Cas’ whore. And he grasps himself to this feeling, seizing the moment. It doesn’t care how many times he says he has to figure things out, he wants something like this every night. Cas pressed against him, making love to him, Dean giving him all he has, kissing him and feeling him everywhere, being as intimate as they are right now.

Dean must admit that he loves all kinds of sex with Cas, but when they are making love, it feels better than anything they have done. It feels as if they were made for each other. They give and receive and it feels fucking awesome.

They kiss and Dean pulls away to moan Castiel’s name. His hands are buried in the messy darkness of Castiel’s hair. Dean rocks his hips, without taking his eyes away from Castiel’s, clenching around Cas, who trembles and presses his forehead against Dean’s. Castiel’s thrusts are steady but sweet and his hands are tracing Dean’s arms. His hands are always touching Dean, as if Cas wanted to map with his hands Dean’s body, just to memorize every single detail of it.

Castiel keeps fucking Dean in that lovely way, sending Dean to the cliff of pleasure. It is so hard to think or to even speak something that isn’t Cas’ name. Dean’s back arches and Castiel seizes the movement to sneak his hands and place them on the small of Dean’s back, bringing him closer, if it is that possible.

Dean comes easily and his hands go to Castiel’s blades, fingers pressed on the soft skin, his skin turning white under his fingers as Dean lets himself go. Cas comes no longer after that. In his case, he collapses onto Dean and buries his face under Dean’s chin, voice and breath echoing on Dean’s skin.

Suddenly they are kissing, lazily, but it feels awesome to Dean. He holds Castiel tighter, afraid that this moment will go as easy as it happened. When they pull away, Castiel smiles in that genuine and beautiful way that makes Dean’s heart do wild things. With those beautiful sapphires he has for eyes, he looks at Dean as if he just saw the whole universe and Dean wishes he could tell him a lot of things. But he can’t. He isn’t good enough for that man. He will only give him pain and trouble. He can’t do that to Cas. It is easier to be his whore than his boyfriend. It will be less painful for Cas. Cas deserves someone worth, not someone like Dean.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are, Dean?” Castiel asks. His hands cup Dean’s face and he seems to be lost in Dean’s face.

Dean smiles. “Yeah, a couple of times.” He kisses Castiel. Those pretty soft pink lips are so kissable. “You are not that bad either.” Being a cocky guy eases things. Like making jokes. It is what Dean does. He uses his humor, his sarcasm, his sass and his witty to forget about the real things, to distract him from the truth. It always helps.

Castiel chuckles and it warms Dean’s heart. He can’t help thinking about how beautiful and perfect Cas looks every time he smiles or laughs. “Assbutt.” He leans and kisses Dean tenderly. “Let me clean you.” He rolls over Dean and he reaches the drawer where he keeps the wet wipes. As always, he wipes the come off from Dean’s belly as quick and gently as possible. When Castiel is done, Dean grabs his wrist and pulls him down, until Cas is lying above him and Dean kisses him. Castiel giggles. “You are a bit naughty, aren’t you?”

“Just a bit?” He arches his eyebrow and he places his hand on Castiel’s nape, bringing Castiel’s lips to his again.

What is he doing? He just can’t stop, can he? He needs to feel Cas this close, to feel this natural with him, to forget that he is just his whore. Dean needs it. Dean needs Cas. They will never be together as a couple. It will never happen. And if it there’s some inkling about it happening, Dean won’t let it, because Dean doesn’t deserve someone as worth as Cas.

“I love your kisses.” Castiel says with a pretty smile. “But I think we should sleep.”

“Okay.” Dean simply says with a smile. Castiel switches off the lights and they get under the sheets and the quilt and Castiel rolls over, until his chest is pressed against Dean’s side and their legs are tangled. Without doubting it, Dean passes one of his arms around Cas and tugs him closer. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

 

There’s an unusual cold getting over Dean, something that wakes him up. He turns his face and he sees that Cas’ side is empty. Dean frowns at it in the darkness of the bedroom. He turns his face to the other side and he sees that Cas is sitting on a chair, looking through the window.

Dean sits on the bed and the sound the sheets moving makes Castiel to turn his face and look at Dean. His face is painted with the colors of the night. His skin looks paler and his eyes are darker, but still, he looks beautiful. “What are you doing awake?” Castiel asks in a soft and mellow voice.

“Could ask you the same.” Dean says with a sleepy smile. He looks at Cas’ alarm clock and he sees it is almost three a.m. He hears Castiel’s low chuckle. “Can’t sleep?” He asks. Castiel shakes his head. “Nightmares?”

“No. Insomnia.” He moves his legs until he can bend them and press them against his chest. He rest his chin on his knees after that.

“You wanna talk about it?” He knows that Cas always sleeps pretty good, so if he is having insomnia it must be because he is thinking about something and that thing doesn’t let him sleep.

Castiel doesn’t say anything. He just looks down at his feet. He looks so shy and insecure right now. Most of the time, Castiel is strong, but there are times like this, when he shows that he can be really fragile. Like Dean.

Dean gets out from the bed and walks towards the chair Cas is sitting. He kneels and he rests his chin on one of the armrests. “If you can’t sleep and you don’t wanna talk about what it is troubling you, we could take a walk.” Dean suggests. He has suffered from insomnia. When music couldn’t help him, he used to walk. The darkness and the loneliness of the city always helped him.

Castiel looks at him, with that confused frown characteristic of him. “Dean, it’s too late for that.”

“I know, but trust me. Taking a walk usually helps.” He strokes Castiel’s closest leg in a soothing way.

Castiel sighs. “But I don’t want you to spend the night walking with me instead of sleeping.” His eyes go back to his feet. He looks so small and so shy right now. He even looks cute.

“I’m already awake.” Dean shrugs. Then he stands up. “C’mon, let’s get dressed and take a walk. It’ll help.”

Castiel flickers his eyes and looks at Dean, who is standing, waiting for Cas. “Okay.” He finally says standing up.

Dean goes towards the living room and he starts to put his clothes on. When he has his leather coat on, Castiel appears. He isn’t wearing the suit he was wearing when Dean arrived. Now he is wearing boots, jeans and a hoodie. It is strange to see him with those casual clothes. When he isn’t wearing a suit or something fancy, he is in sweatpants or pyjamas. Dean never saw him with jeans. And the truth is that he looks gorgeous.

“What?” Castiel asks with a confused voice. He is walking towards the wardrobe in the entrance, where he keeps his coats.

Dean walks towards him. “I never saw you with jeans and a hoodie.” He confesses. Castiel is putting on his trench coat.

“Believe it or not I don’t always wear a suit.” He sasses with a smug face.

“Yeah, I know.” He rolls his eyes. Castiel picks his keys and they get out of the apartment. “It’s strange to see you dressing in such a casual way.” He adds. Castiel blushes a little. “But it looks good on you.” And with that, the flush spreads across all Castiel’s face, making him look cuter.

“You are an expert on making me blush.” They start to go downstairs. Everything is quiet, so their steps echo in the building, but they aren’t too loud.

“I think I’ve told you before, but you look cute when you blush.” Dean admits. He sees Castiel’s smile from the corner of his eyes. “And when you smile.”

“This is what it is going to help me sleep? You making me blush and smile?” He sasses.

Dean chuckles and looks at Castiel. “Maybe.”

They don’t say anything else. They are soon outside. It is cold and every time they breathe, mist appears in front of them. The wind is soft, but it is cold, and it caresses their faces in a not too gentle way. The night is dark and silent. Their steps can be heard perfectly. The streetlights are on, joining the soft light coming from the moon, almost hidden behind the dark clouds that cover the starry night.

Dean elbows Castiel, pointing him to tangle their arms together. Castiel does it immediately; a tiny shy smile appears on the blue eyed man’s lips. They walk with their arms tangled and pressed to each other. Their hands are in their respective pockets, refuging from the coldness. Dean feels good to walk this slow and with Cas’ arm tangled with his, feeling their warmth as they walk side by side under the quiet night. It feels so close, but still, it feels so far.

“Whenever you want to come back, you tell me.” Dean says breaking the silence. He looks at Cas, whose sight is focused on the horizon, filled with buildings and houses and trees.

“I don’t have any rush.” Castiel murmurs. He squeezes his arm a bit tighter around Dean’s, drawing himself a bit closer. “I like this.” The words come shyly.

“Never walked in the night?” He asks curious. Dean turns his face to look at Castiel. He seems calmed but a bit timid. Sometimes he is a mystery. Cas locks himself and never lets Dean know about what he feels, what it is going on his head. Dean understands. He does the same. The thing is that he wants to know about Cas, he wants to know as much as he can from that man who drives Dean crazy.

Castiel shakes his head. “No. When I can’t sleep I just sit in my room and watch the night through the window. Sometimes I read or I just eat some ice-cream. It depends.” He explains with a soft voice.

“Does any of that work?”

“Not usually.” He pouts and looks at Dean. “Does walking work for you?”

“Most of the time.”

“What keeps you up usually?”

Dean sighs. “A lot of things.” He starts to say with a sad voice. “Responsibilities. My father and his words. Maybe an exam. Things like that.” He should add that Castiel and the feelings he has for him, but he should better keep that to himself. It has been a couple of months since he suffered from insomnia, but sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night with some thoughts. “And you?”

“Responsibilities too. Things related with my family. Some crucial operation…” He takes a deep breath that turns into a white mist in front of him. It disappears quickly. “It is quiet tonight.” He whispers.

“You live in a quiet neighborhood.” Dean explains. The place where Cas lives is one of the richest and quietest from the city. It isn’t a surprise to see that at three a.m., the streets are silent and empty. “Mine is a nice one, but there are some nights where silence is almost nonexistent.” The place where he lives isn’t the worst of all of them, it is a good one, but it isn’t the better either. Sometimes there are some troubles and the police has to come, but nothing important. It isn’t a dangerous neighborhood.

They keep walking in a comfortable silence. Soon, they arrive to a small park. The leafless trees are almost hidden in the dark, like the benches from the park. Despite of that, Dean thinks that the park is pretty. In spring, when all those trees have recovered their leaves, it must look beautiful. There must be different shades of green in the park and a lot of different colors from the flowers that are gone now in winter, but they are waiting for the warmth of spring to bring them back to life.

They sit on one bench. There isn’t any space in between them and their arms are still tangled. Castiel rests his head on Dean’s shoulder, letting out a soft breathe. Dean kisses his head briefly, making Cas to smile sweetly.

“You good?” Dean asks in a soft whisper. Castiel makes a humming noise as an affirmative answer. Dean looks at Castiel, whose eyes are stuck on the landscape of the park while Dean’s are on Castiel. “You are weird tonight.”

Castiel chuckles. His eyes meet Dean’s. “I’m always weird for you, Dean.”

“Yeah, but tonight you are weirder.” He explains. There’s something going on with Cas. Lately there’s always something going on with him. Sometimes it is just a moment, but other nights, he is like tonight. He grasps himself on Dean in a needy way. He doesn’t talk too much. It feels like some part of Castiel is absent. And Dean wants to know what it is. He wants to know if he can do anything to make Cas smile and not to worry about anything.

Castiel moves his head away from Dean’s shoulder and he looks directly at Dean, putting on his sweet smile. Then, he turns his face until his head is tilted up, looking at the cloudy sky. “Do you ever look at the sky and realize how tiny we are?” He starts to say. Dean looks at the sky too, but it is for a moment. He is soon back to stare at Castiel. There’s some mysterious amusement in his face that intrigues Dean. “Millions and millions of galaxies in the universe, and here we stand, in some small galaxy, in the corner of some part of the universe, some tiny humans living in a world that seems huge to us, but it is just an extremely tiny dot compared to the whole universe.”

“I didn’t know you were such a hipster.” Dean jokes.

Castiel tilts his head down, until he is directly looking at Dean, dedicating him his deadliest glare. “And you are a fucking assbutt.” He sounds pissed off.

Dean chuckles and makes a cute smile. “C’mon, I was just kidding you. Don’t get mad at me.” He puts the puppy eyes, the ones he has learnt from Sam, that kid is an expert on putting that sight.

“I hate you.” He turns his face to avoid Dean’s eyes.

“You don’t.” Dean says with a soft voice and even a bit sad.

Castiel turns his face again, but this time to look at Dean. “You are right, I don’t.” And Dean doesn’t understand why Castiel sounds and looks so hurt when he says that.

“What’s wrong, Cas? Something’s been bothering you for a while.” He wants to know, he wants to help. Castiel looks down, as if he was afraid that Dean could find the truth with his eyes. Dean places his hand on Castiel’s chin, lifting softly Cas’ face, until their gazes meet. “What is it?”

“I—” He makes a nervous grimace and stops talking. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breathe. Dean doesn’t say anything; he just waits for Cas to go on. It seems to be something really hard for Cas to say out loud. When those blue eyes are opened again, they seem a bit glassy. That sea seems to get lost in Dean’s eyes for a while. Dean doesn’t know how long they are looking at each other, but it feels as if time stopped around them and they were the only ones who didn’t stop. “I think I’m falling apart slowly.”

“Why do you think so?” Dean asks in the softest and lowest voice.

“I don’t know.” He takes a deep breathe. “I just feel like I’m not worth, you know? That I can’t do anything right.”

“You know that’s bullshit, right?” How can Cas think something like that? He is like the best guy Dean has ever known. He is just great and awesome.

Castiel chuckles. “Yeah, sure.” He looks down and sighs.

“Hey.” Dean says with a serious voice. He doesn’t go on until Castiel’s eyes are back to his. “You are worth, fucking worth Cas. You are the greatest guy I’ve ever known. You are freaking awesome, man. And you do a lot of things right. And if you don’t believe it, just think about all those times you have helped me when I was about to fall apart. You did help me and you did great. And I bet that you have done much better things like that with a lot of people.”

Castiel smiles shyly. “Thank you, Dean.” He sounds and looks so small. He looks down and Dean knows that Cas is trying to lock himself in his mind, to shut himself off.

“I mean it, Cas.” Dean says with a strong voice. He wants Cas to know that he means every single word he said. “What can I do so you can believe me?”

There’s an almost unnoticeable smile on Castiel’s lips. He looks at Dean again. His free hand comes to Dean’s hair, warm fingers combing the short hair as his eyes follow the path of his hand. “Sometimes I look at you and I wonder how you can be real.” It comes out from Castiel’s lips as a forbidden whisper. His eyes meet Dean’s. “Sometimes I wonder how there can be so much goodness in your heart after all you have lived.” With every word Castiel says, Dean feels his heart beating harder. Why is Cas saying things like that? There’s too much love and wonder in his baby blue eyes. His voice is sweet and warm, as if he was speaking with his heart. “Sometimes I look at your eyes and I don’t want to look away. I just want to get lost in that infinity peridot forest of you.”

Dean kisses Castiel without wasting any second. He places his hand on Castiel’s nape, pulling him closer, until their noses are squeezing. Castiel grabs the flaps of his leather jacket with one hand, fisting it, pressing Dean closer. It is a needy and desperate kiss. And god help Dean, he is kissing Cas with all the love in his heart; like Dean hasn’t ever kissed anyone before.

What are they doing? Castiel just told him all those things that made Dean to kiss Castiel as if there were no tomorrow. He can’t go there. He can’t. Cas doesn’t deserve him. Cas needs someone who isn’t afraid of being something else, someone who can’t hurt him, someone who isn’t afraid of confessing his feelings, someone he loves. And Dean isn’t any of that.

Then, why can’t he stop? Why can’t he just pull away? It is so hard to just let Cas go. For how long will they have this contract? A year? Two? Three? Who knows. But sooner or later, Dean will have to let Cas go, and he knows he will never be ready for that. He doesn’t want to take him away from his life, even if that means being his whore. When did all become this?

Dean pulls away slowly. Both of them are breathing shakily. Castiel isn’t opening his eyes and he isn’t letting his grip from Dean’s leather jacket go. Dean looks at Cas and he doesn’t want time to run, he wants it to stop, to kiss him again like that. But he can’t.

“Sorry.” Dean starts to say with a breathy voice. Words are stuck in his throat and he is forcing them to let them out. Castiel opens his eyes slowly, showing to Dean his confusion. “That was—” He clears his throat. “Y’know, nobody spoke to me like that before.” Those blue eyes are trying to sink him and they are overwhelming. Dean feels naked in front of Cas when he looks at him like that, as if he could stare into his soul. “It was, wow.” He finally says.

“Dean—”

“We should get back, don’t you think?” He says nervous and almost stuttering.

And Castiel looks wrecked with those words. Dean frowns in confusion and he is about to say something, but Cas talks. “Yes, it’s late. We need to sleep.” His hands move away from Dean, even the arm that was tangled with Dean’s.

As Castiel stands and moves away from Dean, he feels the sudden loss of Castiel and his warmth. Castiel starts to walk away slowly and Dean stays on the bench for a while. It is just some seconds, but it feels like long minutes. His heart hurts a lot and he wants to cry but he doesn’t understand why exactly. He lets out a chocked sigh and looks up, trying to hold the tears and he walks towards Cas.

The path back to Castiel’s apartment is walked in silence and both of them leave some space in between each other. No one of them looks at each other during the whole journey. Dean looks down and he sees by the corner of his eyes that Castiel is looking down too. Dean wishes he could reach Castiel’s hand and hold it and squeeze it and tell him a lot of things. But he can’t. And it hurts a lot.

They are back to Cas’ apartment really soon, despite of their slow steps. It is almost four a.m., so they still have some hours to sleep. Dean starts to take off his leather jacket and he leaves it on the armchair, like always.

“You don’t have to undress. I can lend you some sweatpants if you want to.” Castiel says with a heartbreaking voice.

Dean turns to see him. He looks tired and wasted. “Don’t you want me to take off my clothes?” He asks confused. He isn’t understanding why Cas sounds like that, why he looks that devastated and why he is telling Dean that.

“It’s late. Just come to bed and put on one of my sweatpants.” He says with a soft but sad voice. He walks to his bedroom and Dean follows him. Castiel is looking into his wardrobe when Dean gets into the bedroom. “Here.” He hands Dean some sweatpants.

“Thanks.” Dean simply says.

Castiel nods and starts to take his clothes off, except his underwear and his t-shirt, and like Dean, he puts on some sweatpants. When they are dressed for bed, they get in it. Castiel lies aside, showing his back to Dean, who frowns sadly. Cas is always willing to have Dean holding him, but tonight, he has put some important space in between them.

“Cas.” Dean starts to say.

“Yes?” Cas’ voice sounds so distant and far and so weak.

“Can I little spoon you?” He hates not having Cas in his arms. Maybe Cas needs space, but Dean knows Cas; whenever he puts distance in between them, he needs to have Dean closer than ever.

“Yes.” The answer comes softly and weakly.

Dean rolls over, until his chest is pressed against Castiel’s back. With his arms, he embraces Castiel, who relaxes the moment Dean holds him properly. When Dean presses a kiss on Castiel’s nape, Castiel lets out a shaky breath, which makes Dean to hold Castiel tighter, as if with that simple gesture, Dean could take all those bad feelings from Cas and protect him from everything.

 

Morning arrives. Dean is still holding Cas tightly. It is strange to wake up in Cas’ bed all dressed up, but it is nice. Having Cas in his arms, sleeping quietly, always feels good. Which makes it better, it is the fact that one of Castiel’s hands is holding one of Dean’s. Their fingers aren’t tangled, but they hands are pressed together.

Castiel moves slightly and Dean feels it. After that movement, a small yawn sounds from Castiel’s mouth and Castiel’s fingers caress Dean’s hand. He even snuggles himself into Dean, getting a bit closer. He is already awake.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean whispers into the dark hair.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel simply says. He still has some sleepy voice.

“Did you sleep well?”

“I did.”

Dean kisses Cas’ temple and holds him tighter. Castiel lets out a shaky breath. “Cas, I gotta ask, are we good?”

“Yes Dean, we are good.” He answers with the sweetest voice. His other hand starts to caress Dean’s muscly arm.

“Really? Because last night it seemed like—”

“Dean.” He rolls and Dean can see that he doesn’t look like last night, all tired, all broken, so small and so wasted. He just seems like every morning when he wakes up, a bit sleepy and with a mess for a hair. “I wasn’t feeling good. I want to apologize, I just—” He takes a deep breath and holds Dean’s hand. “Needed to let myself go.” His eyes are full of honesty and sorrow. “I’m having trouble, Dean.”

“With what?”

“With myself.” He inhales sharply. “Do you really think I am worth?”

“You are fucking worth, Cas.”

Castiel nods. His hand squeezes Dean’s. “I try so hard not to get things to affect me, and I succeed sometimes, but there’s that moment when I can’t hold it for more and I fall apart, and lately it is being in front of you and I don’t want to throw my crap at you.”

“Cas, I’ve come to you with worst crap, you know it. I’m here for you, for anything. If you need to let out all that crap out with me, just do it, talk to me. It’s fine with me.” He wants Cas to feel better, and if Dean is the only person that can make Cas to feel good again, he will do anything Cas needs.

“I know, but—”

“No buts.” He says serious. He raises his eyebrows in an intimidating way.

Castiel chuckles and he presses a brief kiss on Dean’s lips. “Okay.” He smiles and Dean mirrors that pretty smile. “You are great, you know it?”

“Yeah, I know.” He says with a smug face.

Castiel laughs. “You are an assbutt.” Dean smiles and he kisses him. When he pulls away, he looks at Cas in a lovely way. “What?” He asks with an innocent voice.

Dean could say so many things right now, but he isn’t going to. Instead, he just kisses Cas again and tells him, “I just love seeing you happy again.”

“It is too early to make me blush Dean.” Castiel reproaches as his face is soon starting to get that beautiful red flush.

“It is never too early.” He cups Castiel’s face and he kisses him tenderly, feeling Castiel’s smile and sweet giggles as they kiss.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions.
> 
> Also, thank you so much to Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) who is my beta. She is amazing and she is going to beta all my chapters, even the ones already written, so some things from the last chapters will change, but nothing important to the story, just some grammar and punctuation.

One of the things Dean likes about being blindfolded is that everything intensifies, the touches and the kisses are more intense. He doesn’t know where he is going to be touched or kissed next so his whole body is in alert. The only thing he doesn’t like about it, is that he can’t see Cas, with those gorgeous and stunning eyes, making those wonderful faces he does when they are fucking, or making love, although Dean is one hundred percent sure that tonight’s sex isn’t going to be the making love kind.

Castiel uses the handcuffs and ties Dean to the headboard. His hands start to trace down Dean’s arms until he arrives to his shoulders and cups Dean’s face. “Are you comfortable?” Castiel asks with that sweet and worried voice of his.

“Yeah,” Dean says. He moves his arms a little, as much as the handcuffs let him, to find the most comfortable position.

Dean feels Cas kissing his lips tenderly, taking his time to taste them. Dean hums sweetly and smiles. The sound of wet kisses fills the room alongside with the little smiles both of them make once in a while.

Castiel’s hands waste no time, and while they are kissing those warm and soft hands start to trace down Dean’s sides, until they move to his tummy, stroking it in a ticklish manner, so Dean starts to giggle.

“So ticklish,” Castiel says. Dean doesn’t have to see him to know that Cas is smiling widely. “It’s been a long time since I last tickled you.” Suddenly, Dean feels something really soft touching his tummy. It is soft and tickling. He guesses it must be a feather or something similar. Dean starts to giggle and to shake his legs. Castiel laughs brightly, without stopping for a moment to tickle Dean with the feather. “I love how you look when I’m tickling you.”

“You son of a bitch.” Dean giggles.

The feather moves from Dean’s tummy to his chest and then to his jaw. Dean isn’t as ticklish there as he is in his tummy but it still tickles him. Castiel leans over to kiss him when he is done, he cups Dean’s face to give him a fervent kiss. Castiel starts to rock his hips sweetly, rubbing his half hard cock against Dean’s. It is really arousing, but Dean knows this is just the beginning; Cas has a lot of things in his mind, things he wants to do to Dean before they start fucking.

Castiel pulls away and Dean feels the loss of Castiel’s warmth and weight immediately. He hears Cas doing something and soon, the blue eyed man is back above Dean, kneeling on the mattress with Dean’s body in between his legs. Dean can feel Cas’ nice ass on the head of his cock. It is so tempting.

“Holy shit!” Dean yells when he feels something extremely cold on one of his nipples. Castiel, like the bastard he is, is laughing his ass off. Dean’s body arches and it shivers. “Where the hell did you keep an ice cube?!”

“I’ve got my secret places, Dean.” Castiel giggles. He fucking giggles.

Dean lets out a shocked sound when Castiel moves the ice cube to his other nipple. He makes circles on it, and Dean can feel the ice cube start to melt slowly on his skin. It is so fucking cold. Cas is such a fucking teasing bastard.

Castiel wastes no time on leaning over to kiss Dean’s hard, cold nipple after throwing away the ice cube. Dean can feel that tongue twirling on his too sensitive and too freaking cold nipple. It feels more intense than usual and Dean moans and bends his legs when teeth start to nibble it gently.

He mirrors the action with Dean’s other nipple. Dean rocks his hips needy, which Castiel must find hilarious by the smile he is making against Dean’s skin. His mouth goes back to Dean’s mouth and he gives him a dirty kiss. Tongues swirl together and Cas sweetly nibbles Dean’s swollen lips.

“This has just only started Dean,” Castiel whispers into Dean’s mouth, sending electric impulses down his spine.

There are some sounds and then Castiel is back to Dean’s mouth, he has another ice cube, but this time it is in his mouth. They kiss with the ice cube between them. Their tongues move, looking for each other, feeling the cold tip and the ice. Dean pushes it away accidentally and Castiel laughs and kisses him happily; those are great kisses- when Cas laughs happily and kisses Dean. Definitely, they are awesome.

Castiel picks another ice cube, (seriously, where is Cas keeping them?) and he starts to trace down Dean’s body with it. From Dean’s mouth, he goes down slowly, tracing the other man’s neck and chest, ending at his bellybutton. Castiel makes circles with it around Dean’s navel. Dean shivers and bites his lower lip.

With his tongue, Cas starts to trace the same path he did with the ice cube, only this time, in reverse. He starts at the bellybutton until he reaches Dean’s mouth, and when he arrives there, he gives Dean a breathtaking tongue kiss.

Dean is already panting and aroused. He is hard and his cock is starting to twitch a little. He exhales sharply and after that, Castiel starts to kiss his neck, leaving some hickeys on it. Dean moans and tilts his head, showing Cas his neck, giving him more room which seems to make Cas too happy. He bites him too, but gently, almost playful and Dean can’t help smiling happily.

Those kisses, bites and hickey are going down towards Dean’s chest and tummy. Dean is going to have a reminder of Cas’ mouth the whole week. He must admit that every time he showers and looks at those marks, or when he sees them reflected in his mirror, Dean smiles and he feels his blood going south. He gets a bit hard when he sees that Cas has marked him as his. Other times, he just stares at those marks and touches them, remembering the feeling of Cas’ mouth on his skin and he starts to think about his feelings.

Dean moans shocked when he feels Castiel’s mouth on the head of his cock. A moment ago, Cas was pressing kisses on his tummy and now his wonderful mouth is on his cock, tongue swirling and making circles and lips pressing tight. He fucks into that mouth softly, and Castiel moans against his cock, a wonderful sound echoing on Dean’s skin, making him go insane.

After some thrusts, Castiel pulls his mouth away. Dean whines and Castiel kisses him. His mouth tastes a bit salty. As they kiss, Castiel caresses Dean’s cheekbones with his thumbs. A sweet smile appears on their lips when they are no longer kissing.

“You are so eager, Dean,” Castiel whispers before kissing Dean again.

“And you are so good; can’t blame me for wanting you,” Dean murmurs needy.

Another soft chuckle is heard and Castiel moves away. He bends Dean’s knees and spreads his legs. He starts to kiss the inner of Dean’s thigh and caresses it. Dean moans relieved. He really loves when Cas touches and kisses him there. Actually he loves when Cas kisses or touches him anywhere, but his thighs are a sensitive part and Castiel knows how to kiss them and touch them to make Dean want to come by those touches alone.

Dean shakes one of his legs when Castiel bites that sensitive skin. Both of them chuckle with that. After that sweet bite, he follows it with some sucking that will lead a hickey. Tonight, Castiel is leaving a lot of hickeys on Dean’s skin and the idea arouses Dean more than it should.

Dean’s right thigh gets the same treatment as the left one. Kisses, caresses, bites and hickeys. Dean feels too good, and they haven’t even started to fuck yet.

He always feels so good with Cas. It doesn’t matter what they are doing; talking, kissing, touching, cooking, fucking, eating… It always feels good. Except in those moments when Dean’s feelings start to be heartbreaking and it hurts a lot to just think about the idea of how much he wants Cas. But Dean has been trying so hard to put away those thoughts. For now it’s working. He wonders when those thoughts will come back.

Castiel places one of his hands in Dean’s hair, tilting his head up with that and Dean gasps surprised. Cas’ other hand is tracing his jaw line. Dean breathes shakily. He can feel Cas’ breathing nearing the same condition as his, but not as marked.

“So beautiful,” Castiel whispers. “Dean, you are so beautiful.” He kisses Dean in his really needy way, and Dean feels able to breathe again the moment those lips are pressed to his.

Dean has kissed many different men, but not one of them kisses him like Cas. Not even one of those kisses from those strangers were as addicting as Castiel’s. None of those kisses could send Dean to the cliff of madness; they didn’t make him crave for more.

Castiel moves away and Dean groans at the loss. He licks his lips, tasting his and Castiel’s saliva on them. He feels Castiel’s hands everywhere, tracing down every part of his body, spreading warmth along the paths his hands are travelling.

Dean lets out a surprised moan when he feels Castiel’s tongue circling his hole. It doesn’t take too long for Castiel to get his tongue inside Dean and to start doing wonderful things with it. Fucking Castiel and his fucking tongue. It should be illegal. Dean moans harder and his whole body arches. It is too much, but he wants more, he needs more. Dean rocks his hips slightly and Cas presses his tongue inside as far as he can.

“Cas—! Fuck—!” Dean moans desperate. Castiel’s tongue keeps twirling inside him, doing crazy things to Dean. “I’m gonna lose it if you keep doing this,” he breathes out. He isn’t sure if he has pronounced the words correctly, he feels incoherent; Cas makes it so hard to speak.

Castiel removes his mouth and Dean hates the loss. Soon, one finger is inside him and Castiel’s thumb is pressing the skin under Dean’s balls.

“Not yet, Dean. Can you hold on a little bit more?” Castiel says with that sexy voice, it makes Dean want to come. “Or maybe I can make you come twice?” He leans over Dean, getting another finger inside him, touching his prostate. Dean tilts his head up, moaning hard. “Would you want that Dean? For me to make you come twice?” He whispers the words into Dean’s mouth. His tongue traces Dean’s bottom lip and he nibbles it, he releases it with a wet sound. “Do you want me to make you come with my mouth on your cock first and then with my cock on your pretty ass?”

Dean gasps. When Cas talks dirty, it’s too much for him. “Yeah. I want it,” he murmurs, desperate. Castiel kisses him enthusiastically after that.

Without wasting a second, Castiel pulls his finger out of Dean and he starts to blow him, he moans relieved when he feels Cas sucking his cock. Cas is really good at giving blowjobs. He takes it all, pressing his lips around the shaft as his tongue licks and swirls along the length. The bobs of his head are quick and constant and it makes Dean swear and moan Cas’ name extremely loud. One of these days the neighbors are going to complain, but it’s impossible to remain quiet while Cas is blowing him.

Castiel sucks in deeper, until the man’s cock is pressing his throat. Dean started to rock his hips unconsciously almost since Cas started to blow him. Castiel moans around Dean’s cock and places his hands on Dean’s hipbones, to keep him in place, because he can feel that Dean is about to come.

Just a few more sucks from Cas’ sinful mouth and Dean comes easily. His whole body tenses at first but then he relaxes; he feels boneless. Castiel swallows all his come, tongue licking everywhere, just to not leave any drop behind. He presses a kiss on the head of Dean’s cock is and then Castiel leans to kiss Dean’s mouth. Dean can taste some remaining on his come on his lips so he licks it, and Castiel smiles.

“Ready for round two, Dean?” Castiel murmurs. His voice soft, caressing Dean in an arousing way.

Dean is still in the heat of coming, but he manages to nod. Castiel kisses his lips, in a brief but lovely way. Then, those lips start to press kisses down Dean’s chest, tracing it down again. Dean’s thighs come after that. Dean hums happily and when Castiel hears him, his hand goes directly to Dean’s cock to give him some attention as he keeps leaving a trace of kisses on Dean’s legs, making Dean’s toes curl. Just a few strokes and Dean is already hard again. Cas does crazy things to his libido.

“Fuck, Dean— you are so good,” Castiel whispers into his neck and Dean can only groan.

After the kisses, Castiel starts to finger Dean open. He takes his time, giving Dean time to get horny again and to recover his breathing. Castiel’s lubed fingers are gentle as they continue opening Dean up. Soon Dean is fully prepped and Castiel removes his fingers from Dean and moves away; Dean supposes that he is going to grab a condom.

As easy as always, Castiel pushes in and Dean feels how that stupid emptiness fades away and there’s only warmth and fullness inside of him. Castiel places his hands where Dean’s shoulders meet the neck. He kisses Dean longingly, making Dean wonder why Cas kissed him like that, but he hasn’t got time for that; Cas starts to fuck him and Dean loses any semblance of those thoughts in his mind.

Skin against skin, hips rocking and colliding together, a steady rhythm of and sweet thrusts, moans of their names fill the air and breathing is agitated as their hearts beat wildly. Dean feels as if time didn’t exist, as if the rest of the world didn’t matter; it’s just Dean and Cas, joined together, one being, unable to tell where their bodies end and start. Dean feels alive.

They kiss and they moan. They rock and they thrust. Dean can feel that Cas is about to come. Usually, they last longer, but it seems that doing all those things to Dean before they started to fuck aroused Cas a lot. Still, Castiel lasts a few more thrusts, touching that sweet spot that makes Dean to feel stars crashing under his eyes.

Dean feels Cas’ hand on his cock, jerking him off. Both of them come at the same time. Dean feels as if he has fallen from so high onto the mattress, with Cas colliding onto him, falling together, after being so exposed, they just fall into each other. Dean loves this; when Cas collapses above him and holds himself to Dean.

Castiel moves his hand and takes off the tie that was covering Dean’s eyes. Dean looks at Cas, who is looking at him with exhausting eyes, but full of warmth and fondness. They kiss slowly, as if it kissing was supposed to be the most exhausting thing on earth. After that, Castiel takes off the handcuffs and throws them away. Dean places his hands on Castiel’s blades, holding him tightly, pressing their chests together. They kiss again, this time with more energy, but still slowly and Castiel cups Dean’s face.

When Castiel gets out of Dean, he whines, that fucking emptiness comes for him and he fucking hates it. Castiel takes off the condom and cleans the mess of Dean’s come on their stomachs. He kisses Dean’s jaw and buries his face in the crook of his neck, resting his arm along his chest, placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“You tired?” Dean asks in a soft voice. His hands start to caress Castiel; one the small of his back and the other one the nape, where the soft dark hair of Castiel starts.

“I am.” Castiel answers with an exhausting voice. Dean can feel his smile on his skin. “Aren’t you?”

“I’m fucking exhausted.”

Castiel laughs happily and Dean feels so heartwarming with feeling that beautiful sound on his skin. He can’t help smiling and pulling Cas closer. “Goodnight Dean.”

“Goodnight Cas.”

 

When morning arrives and both of them wake up, they make out for a while before they go and take a shower together. There are a lot of kisses and a lot of caresses but nothing sexual. It feels too good to have Cas like that; just kissing and giggling. It is awesome having sex with him, but Dean sometimes wants that other part he doesn’t have; the nonsexual part. It is awesome to be just kissing, as if they were— no, he isn’t going to think about it.

While Castiel gets dressed in his bedroom, Dean does in the living room. Then, he starts to pick everything to make those pancakes that Cas adores. While he does that, he can see that last night it snowed. The small window has some snow on it. Lately, it’s been snowing a lot in Kansas. Must be because of climate change.

“Hey.” Castiel greets by kissing Dean’s nape. He grabs the back collar of Dean’s t-shirt and he sneaks under a small snowball.  
Dean lets out a shocked gasp and his body arches. “You fucking son of a bitch!” Dean yells furiously. He gets his hand under the t-shirt and grabs the snowball. He turns to glare Castiel who is laughing and so fucking flushed. Dean makes a funny grimace. “You are such a fucking bastard!”

Castiel smiles in that happy and proud way of his. “I couldn’t resist.” He makes an adorable innocent face and Dean can’t help to smile like an idiot. “Want some coffee?” he asks as he walks towards the coffee machine.

“Yeah.” And before Cas can reach the coffee machine, Dean manages to sneak the half melted snowball under Castiel’s boxers.

“Dean!” Castiel yells shaking. His whole body shivers as Castiel gets the snowball out of his boxers. He turns to look at Dean, who is smirking. “Assbutt.” Castiel grabs Dean’s t-shirt to pull him closer and he smashes the remaining of that snowball on Dean’s face, something that Castiel finds hilarious.

Dean glares him and then, he moves towards the small window to pick some more snow, but Castiel stops him and smashes his back against the wall. Dean sometimes forgets how extremely strong Castiel is. Dean kisses him and manages to release his hands from Castiel’s grip to finally cup his face, fingers brushing the messy dark hair. Castiel presses himself closer, fisting Dean’s t-shirt.

When they stop, they are both smiling and Dean looks at Cas and he can’t help thinking that he has definitely fallen for him. He isn’t going to say the L word; Dean Winchester isn’t a guy who says that word, but right now, he feels as if that word could describe perfectly what he feels for Castiel. How deep he has fallen.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Castiel asks in a whisper, as if he was afraid of someone hearing them. His eyes are fixed on Dean and they are all warmth.

Dean smiles. He would be crazy if he told Cas the truth. So he just kisses him and then, he says, “You are awesome.”

And as Dean expected, Castiel blushes quickly and easily. “Your day can’t start without making me blush, right?”

Dean laughs. “Right.” He kisses Cas tenderly.

Why did they have to meet like this? If they had met a few years later, when Dean was no longer a whore, things would have been great. It kills Dean to know that he will never have Cas as a boyfriend. Although part of him is relieved, because he knows that he will fuck things up, like he always does. He better not think about it. He has to make breakfast. “Okay, let me make those pancakes you adore,” he says pulling away.

Dean starts to put all the ingredients in the bowl while Cas makes coffee and starts to cut some strawberries. Dean looks at Cas from the corner of his eyes and he makes a tiny smile. This could be part of a perfect and normal life together. Waking up to make breakfast. There are too many things that they do together that feel as if they are a couple, but they aren’t. Dean knows he needs to shut down those thoughts. Cas doesn’t love him and doesn’t deserve such a piece of crap like Dean. End of thinking.

“Do you want some raspberries?” Castiel asks with a curious look.

Dean turns to look at him. He is already eating a strawberry and some pink juice has painted his sweet lips and Dean finds it too cute. “Yeah,” Dean says with a smile. Castiel moves towards the fridge to pick the raspberries. “And grab the cream for the pancakes.”

“And the Nutella,” he adds. Dean chuckles. He is starting to mix the dough when Castiel stands next to him and offers his index finger, covered with Nutella to Dean; he licks it happily as Castiel giggles a little because he is a little ticklish there. Then, he kisses Dean and Dean can taste the strawberries and the Nutella on the kiss. “I like it when you taste like Nutella,” he confesses, biting his lower lip guiltily.

“You like my lips always, with or without Nutella,” he sasses.

“That’s true.” He recognizes with a shrug. He is now licking his finger covered with Nutella. Cas has a weak spot for that sweet chocolate. Dean’s smile gets bigger. “Stop laughing at me.”

“I’m not laughing.”

“You are about to.” He approaches Dean, leaving the jar of Nutella behind. “You always laugh when I’m eating Nutella.”

“Because you look funny and cute,” he admits with an honest smile.

Castiel rolls his eyes. The coffee machine starts to make a beeping noise, which means that their coffees are made. Dean grabs one of the frying pans while Castiel pours the coffee in two mugs. “I will never get used to your sass.”

“Well, you are the king of sass. You should be used to.” He laughs. He loves teasing Cas. He knows that if they spent more time together, they would be teasing each other all the time. They can tease and not get offended, something that Dean finds awesome. Sometimes they have those deep talks that make them think things that they shouldn’t be thinking, things related with their relationship, but the rest of the time, they are teasing each other a lot.

“You are so cocky this morning.” He approaches Dean and leaves Dean’s mug on the counter, next to him.

“As if you don’t like it.” He puts some dough on the frying pan and starts to make the pancake.

“Assbutt,” he murmurs. Dean smiles. “I should start calling you something different instead of ‘assbutt’, because you enjoy it.”

“I would be pissed off if you stop calling me assbutt.” It’s the nickname Cas gave him and Dean is sure that Cas doesn’t call anyone else assbutt. It is supposed to insult Dean, but Cas has called Dean an assbutt so often, that now, it’s like a pet name, and Dean likes it.

Castiel arches an eyebrow. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” He turns the pancake over, putting the not cooked part down on the bottom of the frying pan. “I like it. Although sometimes you say it too much.”

Castiel chuckles. “That’s because you deserve it.”

“I knew you were gonna say that.” He shakes his head and both of them laugh.

Castiel places his hand on Dean’s face and he kisses his cheek. “I can’t tell you how much I like being with you, Dean.”

Dean’s heart skips a beat with that. He looks at Cas, with lovely eyes and he can see in Cas’ eyes the honesty of his words. “I like being with you too, Cas.”

Castiel smiles and strokes Dean’s hair in a friendly way. Dean watches how Cas moves towards the table and set plates and the fruit down. There are too many things Dean wishes he could tell Cas. Maybe if the situation was different, he would nut up and confess things.

He is being stupid. But those eyes, that smile, that voice, those hands, those kisses are so maddening, so wonderful. That man, that glorious man, makes Dean’s heart do wild things. He is rapt by him. Every time he looks at him, Dean can’t help smiling and he feels how his heart skips a beat.

Castiel catches him, looking at him and he makes a timid smile and Dean just wants to tell him those famous three words, but he isn’t going to let them out in front of Cas ever. He keeps making the pancakes, trying to forget all the things he is feeling and thinking about. It’s curious how everyone around him, without knowing Cas, knew that Dean had deeper feelings for Cas. Dean is smart, but when it comes to feelings, he is a big idiot, and the circumstances don’t help either. It isn’t the time or the place to feel all those things for Cas.

“Dean, it smells delicious,” Castiel says with a soft moan. He grabs the last pancake Dean got out from the frying pan and he starts to eat it.

“Hey! Wait until all of them are done!” Dean exclaims with a parenting voice. He has used this voice too many times with Sam; especially in moments like this. Sam likes to steal the food Dean has already cooked before it’s on the table.

“Then don’t cook this wonderful,” he says after swallowing part of the pancake.

“You overrate my cooking skills.”

Castiel punches his arm and Dean frown at him, half confused and half angry. “Dean, I don’t overrate you at anything. If you were terrible at something, I would tell you, you know it.”

“I know. But I think you have a crush on the way I cook.” He shrugs and puts the last pancake on the plate where the others are.

“Assbutt.” He grabs the plate and puts it on the table. Dean chuckles and smiles.

The breakfast goes likes always, with the two of them chatting and eating. It is over before Dean wants it and soon, they are putting everything in the dishwasher. Dean goes towards the armchair to put on his shirt and his leather jacket. Castiel joins him when he is already walking the hall that leads to the main door.

“Well, I’ll see you next week,” Castiel says with a tiny smile. He always seems so sad when Dean has to leave on Sunday’s mornings. On Saturday’s mornings he isn’t, because Dean is back during the night, but on Sunday’s, he always looks as if he wants Dean to stay. Part of Dean wants to stay too. But not as a whore.

“Yeah,” Dean says. His voice sounds like Cas’; a bit broken. He cups Castiel’s face and kisses him longingly. They won’t see each other until Friday. Those five days always pass too slowly and Friday seems so far away. Dean pulls away with a wet sound and he caresses Cas’ cheekbones with his thumbs. Castiel places his hands above Dean’s, spreading that addicting characteristic warmth of his. “See you, Cas.”

“See you, Dean.”

Dean nods and walks away. The sound of Castiel’s door being closed sounds behind him and Dean doesn’t look back. He never looks back. Just in case; he doesn’t want to do something stupid. Because that’s what he is, a stupid guy who has fallen for Castiel.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions.
> 
> And thank you so much to the wonderful Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) for being my beta.

Castiel sits on the expensive armchair in his office. Only bosses in the hospital get that treatment and since Castiel is in charge of everything related with neural in the hospital he gets a spacious office to himself. For a couple of years he was the second in charge – a deputy manager but after the good old Joshua retired, Castiel got the charge. He was the youngest but the best qualified.

He rubs his face and he looks at the pile of exams the students did yesterday. Teaching them isn’t easy, some of them slightly panic when they see blood, others throw up, but the worst is when they seize up and they don’t know what to do. Castiel has to teach them how to keep calm and think. Correcting exams is easy, it’s knowing if they have enough knowledge of diseases, if they have acquired relevant enough experience through their theory of surgeries enough to do it practically. He should mark the exams but he’s tired from this morning’s surgery.

It was a brain tumor, Castiel could remove it, it wasn’t too advanced so there weren’t too many difficulties, but there’s always that constant tension when he’s operating- that voice in the back of his mind telling him that anything could go wrong. But once again, Castiel did a great operation and the patient is well and resting.

“Hey, Cassie,” Balthazar greets as he opens the door.

“Don’t call me that,” Castiel grunts. He tells his friend that over and over again but he keeps ignoring it, that, or he just likes knowing that the pet name irritates Castiel. “What are you doing here?”

“Just wanted to congratulate you for the extraordinary operation you did.” He closes the door and he approaches the table. The blonde man decides to sit on it and he looks at Castiel with his light blue eyes, frowning with worry. “You seem tired.”

“Tension always exhausts me.” He makes a tired smile as he looks at his friend. He knows that sight, and he knows that Balthazar wants something else. “You aren’t here just to congratulate me, are you?” he asks with a cocky smile.

Balthazar gives him a smirk. “You do know me well, Cassie.” Castiel rolls his eyes at the pet name. “You’ve been a bit distracted lately, not when it comes to work, but the rest of the time. When you aren’t doing a crucial operation or teaching those kids, you seem to be in another world. So I came to ask what’s going on your head.”

Castiel sighs. Sometimes Balthazar worries too much about him. He seems to be careless usually, but deep down, he always cares about all his friends. “It’s nothing.” He makes a charming smile, trying to convince him, but his friend arches an eyebrow.

“I thought you were a better liar,” he sasses. Castiel squints his eyes and makes a confused frown. “What’s his name?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about.” He makes that mischievous smile of his; he always does it when he is being smarter than someone, or when he finds out something that he shouldn’t know. “I’ve known you for years and I know how you behave. When it is about an important operation, you’re serious, when it’s about your family, you’re angry, and when it’s about relationships, you’re distracted.”

Castiel exhales annoyed. Balthazar knows him too well. They have been working at the hospital together for years; they met in college, during Castiel’s last year and they became friends. It is true that they don’t spend too much time together because Castiel is a distant person with everyone, he prefers his own company - except with Dean. But he knows that if him or Balthazar ever need anything, they can count on each other. Their friendship must seem absent to outsiders but it isn’t.

“Tell me what’s going on with you and that mystery guy.” Balthazar insists with an interesting voice, as if he was a little girl trying to know about her friend’s crush. “Is he your boyfriend? My Cassie has finally settled down with someone?” His smile gets wider and his voice gets more passionate with his teasing.

“He is not my boyfriend,” Castiel says. Although he wishes he and Dean were a couple. “He is a friend that I happen to have sex with.” Technically that’s the truth, thought he forgot the part where he pays Dean to have sex with him. At least their messy friendship isn’t there because Castiel paid for it; it just happened.

“A fuck buddy?” Balthazar’s brows rise as high as possible, showing his surprise.

“Something like that.” That’s the term Dean uses to talk about his relationship with Castiel in front of his friends and family, although Dean has mentioned that most of them consider Castiel his boyfriend, but he says he always has to make clear that they are just fuck buddies. He can’t say the truth and neither can Castiel.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He sounds a bit hurt for it, but Castiel knows that Balthazar is faking.

Castiel shrugs. “I guess I never found an occasion to tell you that,” he says casually. He grabs the exams he has to correct. He sees Balthazar’s questioning look; Castiel knows that his friend wants to say something. “What?”

“There’s something more going between you two, am I right?” His brow arches in a questioning way.

“Define more.”

Balthazar exhales, desperate. “That you two are a thing. Beyond fuck buddies.”

“Why do you think so?” He grabs the red marker and starts to read the first question from the exam.

“Because you wouldn’t have been this distracted if it wasn’t something important.” His words come out easily and Castiel knows that he is telling the truth.

But Dean doesn’t want him as something else, or so it seems like that. There are so many moments when Dean seems to want more but then he just does or says something otherwise. He knows that he and Dean are friends and they can count on each other, but wanting a relationship, it isn’t that clear. And Castiel isn’t really has never been good at seeing reading other people’s emotions. He can’t even see properly understand his own. They should talk, but Castiel doesn’t want to lose him. It’ is better to keep it this way; Castiel still has Dean and Dean keeps earning money.

“If he is hurting you in anyway, I can kick his ass,” Balthazar says suddenly. Castiel looks at him with a sassy face and he starts to laugh. Dean would definitely beat Balthazar. Dean is taller and stronger. “What’s so funny?”

“Dean would definitely win against you,” Castiel answers.

“Dean? That’s his name?” He makes a disgusted grimace.

“What’s wrong with his name?”

“It sounds boring.” He pouts.

“At least it is better than Balthazar,” he snaps with a smirk.

“That’s a low punch, Cassie.” Balthazar makes a hurt face and he smirks. “Then, what’s wrong between you and Dean-o?”

“Seriously, don’t call him that.” And he thought that Cassie was a terrible pet name. Dean-o is worst. Dean would be really pissed off if he heard that. “Nothing’s wrong. Don’t worry.”

“But something’s going on.”

“Since when do you care about the people I date or I sleep with?” he snaps again. He wants to avoid the topic about Dean. It implies a lot of lies about their complicated relationship. It makes him think about Dean even more than usual and that’s dangerous territory. The more he thinks about Dean, the more he wants him.

“Since it became this interesting!” He sounds amused. Castiel makes an unbelievable face and crosses out one of the wrong answers of the exam he is correcting. “Cassie, I know there’s something. Those blue eyes of yours are so talkative.”

Castiel exhales annoyed, crosses his arms and glares his friend. “And what do my eyes tell you?”

“Right now they are telling me to fuck off,” he says with a serious pout. Castiel makes an agreement face and his friend chuckles. “But before that, they were telling me that Dean of yours is more than a fuck buddy to you.”

“And you got that from looking into my eyes?” he asks as sassy as possible. Balthazar nods. “Stay working here at the hospital; you would be a terrible psychic.”

“Fucking sass of yours.” Balthazar lets out a sarcastic laugh and stands up from the table. “I guess that you don’t want to talk about your Dean. For now,” he adds. Castiel glares his friend. “Gotta go back to work. See you, Cassie.”

“See you.”

Balthazar closes the door and Castiel takes a deep breath. Is he that obvious? Does he really look that he wants something else from Dean? Castiel sighs and rubs his face. He has never been good at this; that’s why he has been with prostitutes lately. Casual sex, no feelings. But it was only a couple of times a year, but then he wanted something longer and Dean appeared and now…

He wants to figure things out, but he is terrible at it. He knows that this isn’t just about sex anymore, he has known that for months. The thing is that, is he really ready to take the final step? Is that what he really wants? Does Dean want the same?

 

***

 

The professor says the class is over, so all the students leave the classroom. It is the end of the day at the university and Dean can finally go home. Mondays always seem drag.

When Dean is about to go downstairs, he sees Charlie standing in the middle of the hall, looking into her backpack for something. Dean approaches her, without his friend noticing; she is sometimes too distracted.

“What have you lost now?” Dean asks.

Charlie tilts her head up and glares him. “Nothing. But I forgot my umbrella and it is raining a lot,” she says, a bit pissed off.

Dean turns his face to see through one of the windows; it is raining heavily. He didn’t realize until now. “C’mon, I’ll drive you home,” he says.

“Thanks Dean,” she says with a grateful and warm smile. Dean smiles and they start to go downstairs.

They have to walk under the rain for a small stretch, because Dean’s Impala is parked outside and there’s nothing covering them from the rain, but luckily, the car isn’t too far and they don’t get too wet.

“Hey, do you want to have some of those wonderful brownies they made at Tommy Mel’s?” Charlie asks a bit shyly as Dean starts the car. “I’m paying.”

“Charlie, you don’t have to,” Dean says with a smile.

“You are driving me home. That deserves brownies. And since I’ve got no idea how to make them, I’m inviting you,” she explains with a soft voice. Then she punches Dean’s arm in a soft and friendly way. “Wanna have some time with my best friend.”

“I can’t say no to food,” Dean admits chuckling and Charlie chuckles too.

They arrive to Tommy Mel’s soon. It isn’t far from the university. It’s a 50’s restaurant and they’re always playing rock ‘n’ roll from that decade. Sometimes they go when they’ve saved some money, it’s a bit expensive. Everyone says that Dean’s food is better, but this place has brownies and ice creams and the milkshakes are exceptional.

“How’s everything?” Charlie asks. This past Sunday she couldn’t come to see Sam and Dean because she had to work on an important project, she had to sacrifice her afternoon with the Winchester brothers for it. Sam, Dean and Kevin missed her.

“Good. Did I tell you that Sammy is finally dating Jessica?” Dean says with a proud voice.

“No way!” she says with enthusiasm. “Really?” Her smile gets bigger and brighter. Dean nods. “Wow, good for him. How long have they been together?”

“Less than a week,” Dean answers. He remembers how happy Sam was when Dean came home. He couldn’t help that fucking big happy smile on his face. He shouted excited at Dean and told him that he asked Jess out and she said yes. “He’s so fucking happy Charlie, you should see him.”

“I’m so happy for him,” she says.

The brownies arrive; they are covered with hot chocolate and there’s a ball of vanilla ice cream on a side. Dean licks his lips and enjoys the smell of chocolate and vanilla, making his mouth to water.

“And how’s everything between you and Cas?” she asks.

“Good,” Dean says. 

Like always, just being his whore and having feelings for him. Definitely not good, but at least that tense wall in between them after New Year’s Eve is no longer there. Dean sighs and rubs his face. He sees that Charlie is looking at him worried, but she isn’t saying anything. His friend knows that Dean is a bit uncomfortable when they talk about Cas and she doesn’t want to push. 

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes, Dean, of course you can. What’s wrong?”

Dean sighs. “Promise me that you won’t tell this to anyone. Not Sammy, Kevin or anyone, you got me?”

“Dean, I won’t. What’s wrong?” She sounds genuinely concerned and Dean can’t help thinking how lucky he is for having a friend like Charlie.

“I think I’m starting to have real strong feelings for Cas,” he confesses. He takes a deep breath and looks down at his brownie, avoiding Charlie’s pretty eyes. “And I don’t know what to do to get over them.”

“Why do you want to get over them?” Her voice sounds worried and confused.

“Because I know that Cas doesn’t want something else and I don’t wanna lose him. If we ever got to that next level, I know I would fuck it up.” The words come easy, Dean hates chick flicks moments, but his feelings for Cas are getting unavoidably stronger, and he needs help, someone to talk to.

“Why do you think you would fuck it up? You’ve never been in a relationship, Dean.”

“Exactly. And you know I don’t like them.”

“And yet, you’ve been sleeping with the same guy for, how long? Five months?” she asks seriously. Charlie can be all jokes and smiles, but Dean knows that when she needs to, she can be the most serious person in the world.

“Almost.”

“Even if you two are only screwing, you’ve never lasted that long with anyone, and neither you nor Cas would have stuck together for nothing,” she explains with an obvious face. “It isn’t a relationship in the literal sense of the word, but it is some variation.” She arches her eyebrows and makes a half smile. “Being boyfriends would only mean to admit that you two have feelings for each other, and although I suspect that you two already do, spend some time together doing something apart from having sex. ”

“Yeah, well...” Dean rubs the back of his neck in a nervous way.

“Then, what’s the problem? Why do you want to get rid of those feelings?” She frowns in confusion. Her eyes are trying to read Dean’s face, trying to dig deeper into Dean’s answers, trying to break through what he isn’t saying.

“Because feelings complicate things and because I don’t want to lose him or hurt him, Charlie. He deserves someone with worth, y’know?” He takes a bite of the brownie, tasting the sweet chocolate in his mouth, feeling it melt on his tongue. It feels comforting.

Charlie meanwhile, looks at him with sad eyes. “Oh my gosh Dean, you are in lo—”

“Don’t say it,” he interrupts her. Charlie takes a deep breath. “I really like being with him, I really like it. I feel good when I’m with him. Every time we’re together it feels like I’m not that shitty, you know? It feels like nothing else matters, it’s just Cas and me and it feels good.” He stares at the brownie, avoiding Charlie’s eyes again. He doesn’t want to see the pity. “And I know he doesn’t want me the way I want him, and if he ever does I know it won’t end up well.”

“Why are you so sure that he doesn’t feel that way?”

“He would have told me.”

“Are you sure? Because I think he is like you.” At that, Dean tilts his head up to look at Charlie with a confused sight. “Maybe he feels the same but he doesn’t tell you because he thinks he will lose you, or because he hates talking about feelings and all that stuff.”

“I don’t think so.” He sighs and forces a tiny smile.

“Dean—”

“Don’t give me a speech, Charlie.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Charlie gives him the ‘if you didn’t want me to give you a speech, you shouldn’t have started to talk to me about this’ look. But also, there’s pity in her eyes. “Don’t look at me with pity either.”

“It’s not pity Dean. You are seriously in l— well, you know exactly what. I’m not gonna say it because you don’t want to hear it, but you are-” She starts to say. Dean opens his eyes and looks at his friend. If he doesn’t hear the L word, it isn’t real, everything will fade away. Or that’s what he thinks. “For the first time ever I see you happy with someone and I’m sure that Cas feels happy with you. I don’t understand why you don’t want to take all that happiness instead of trashing it away.”

“Charlie, you know that happiness doesn’t last in my life,” he says with a sad face. Charlie’s eyes get glassy with that and Dean can’t help but think how devastated and hurt his friend would be if she knew that Dean was a whore. “Don’t wanna lose this small happiness I have. Even if it means I can’t have it all.”

“I understand,” she says sadly. “I hope that one day you can have all that happiness you deserve.”

“Thanks,” he says with a heartbreaking voice. “How about we talk about something less depressing?”

“Okay. I need you to start making brownies so we can save money,” she says with a tiny smile. Dean wants to hug her and thank her for changing the topic so quickly.

They talk about a few things as they eat their brownies. As promised, Charlie pays the bill and Dean drives her home. It is still raining heavily. The Impala’s wipers are settled on its highest speed and yet, the water covers the windshield and it makes it hard to see. That’s why Dean is driving as cautious and slow as he can. He has driven in the rain several times and he’s a good driver, but he can’t predict what any other car is going to do.

Soon they are in front of Charlie’s house, a small blue house where she still leaves with her parents. They’re great parents and love with utter devotion their curious-geeky girl. Dean envies her; he wishes his mother was still alive and his father was with them, being sober and giving all the love he used to give to his kids before Mary died.

“Thanks for the brownies,” Dean says with a charming smile.

“You are welcome. And thanks for the ride,” Charlie says happily. She grabs her backpack, which was placed in between her legs. She is about to open the door but instead, she turns to see Dean. “Why did you tell me all of that about you and Cas?”  
Dean sighs. “I guess that I needed to tell someone.”

“Dean Winchester, needing to talk about his feelings? I thought I was never going to live enough to see that,” she jokes. Dean glares him. Then, she makes a worried smile. “Will you be okay?”

“I’m always okay, Charlie.” It’s part of his life; to be okay, even when he isn’t. He always puts that mask on and he pretends to be fine, that nothing wrong is happening. People notice the mask, and they try to remove it, but Dean doesn’t let them. Sometimes Cas takes off that mask and sees through Dean with those stunning blue eyes that stare into his soul. The rest of the time, Dean tries so hard to keep it on.

Charlie sighs. “I know it’s your life, but—” She takes a deep breath. “You could try, you know? You could give it a chance,” she says. Dean is about to say something, but Charlie interrupts him. “I know it is hard to have something and lose it, but sometimes it is worst to don’t do something and ask yourself when it is too late, what would have happened if I did it?” Her hand cups his face and she strokes Dean’s cheek with her thumb. “The problem Dean, is that you don’t want to get hurt. And I understand that, I truly do. But what if you don’t get hurt?”

“What if I hurt him?” he says with an obvious but sad face.

Charlie nods and pulls her hand away. “We all get hurt when we are in—” Dean glares her because he knows what word she is going to use. “When we are in that L word,” she says carefully. “It hurts and you know that person can hurt you, sometimes they do because we’re exposed, but that person chooses not to hurt you. And if they hurt you a little, they can also heal you and give you that warmth and affection that no one else can. Hurt is involved with it and pain. But it’s minimal compared with all those other things that a person can give you.”

Dean looks at Charlie impressed. When Charlie talks like that, it leaves Dean speechless. “I didn’t take you as a poetic girl.”

Charlie rolls her eyes and smiles. “Oh Dean, we all need a little bit of love in our lives. One way or another.” She scratches her hair, which is a nervous tic, like Dean rubbing his neck. “And Dean,” she says with a determined voice, he looks at her with close attention. “You are full of worth and Castiel knows it.” Dean takes a deep breath. He thinks that is bullshit but he doesn’t say it out loud. “Anyway, what are you going to do?”

“For now, I’ll keep what we have, it is better for both of us.” He takes another deep breath. “Maybe one day I’ll get the guts to tell him the truth.” Although he knows he won’t. He still thinks that Cas deserves much more than him.

“I know how freaking stubborn you are,” she says with a grimace. “But if you need to talk about it, I’m here.”

“I know Charlie, and thanks. Really.”

“See you tomorrow, Dean.” She opens the door.

“See you tomorrow, Charlie.”

Charlie gets out of the car and closes the door. Dean watches how she runs towards the main door and then he drives towards his home. As he drives, he can’t stop thinking about Charlie’s words. She is right about everything, but Dean doesn’t want to take any risk. From past experiences, Dean knows that he never gets happiness. Sometimes his happiness comes with complicated and messy things nevertheless, it lasts longer than anything else.

Dean exhales sharply and turns the music on. The Who plays loud in his car and Dean lets the music to drain his thoughts away slowly and to lose himself in those guitar riffs as he drives under the heavy rain.

Sam is already at home when Dean arrives. His little brother is sitting on the couch with a notebook on his knees and a book next to him, resting on the couch. His little brother turns his face the moment Dean closes the door.

“Hey,” Sam says with his usual smile. “I expected you sooner.”

“Yeah.” Dean takes off his leather jacket and hangs it on the rack. “Me and Charlie went to have some brownies.” He leaves his backpack at one side of the couch and he sits down, next to Sam’s physics book.

“You could have invited me. I want brownies,” he says with fake puppy eyes and Dean can’t help chuckling.

“Maybe next time.” He stretches out. He has to do some homework but he is lazy about it. “How are you and Jessica doing?” he asks with a mischievous smile. He asks it because he loves the way his brother’s face suddenly gets all red. Even his ears turn red.

“We are good Dean, stop asking. I’m starting to think that you only ask to tease me.”

“Yeah, but I also care about you two,” he says. Sam turns his face to dedicate him a questioning look. “I swear.”

Sam chuckles and keeps doing his homework. Dean grabs his backpack and searches for his notebook. “You can invite her to dinner one of these days. Or to lunch if it’s on a weekend, you know?” Dean wants to know that girl. For what he has heard about her from Sammy and Kevin, that girl must be a great girl.

“As long as you don’t embarrass me…”

“Oh Sammy, you know I can’t promise that.” Dean laughs and Sam punches his arm, which makes Dean to laugh harder and Sam makes a bitch face.

“You are unbelievable.”

“Anyway, you should invite her to come over one of these days,” he says with a smile.

“I will. But I need to prepare her for the jackass I have for a brother.” He laughs, and this time, Dean is the one who punches Sam’s arm.

They do their homework. After it, Dean makes dinner. He makes sandwiches, with fried eggs, bacon, grilled cheese, tomato and lettuce. He knows that Sam loves them. His little brother can be a freak for rabbit food, but he can’t resist those sandwiches. It was one of the first things Dean learnt how to cook apart from the canned and precooked food. Sammy has always loved those sandwiches.

As they eat, Dean can’t help thinking that Sam will go to Stanford soon . Dean knows that the university is going to accept his little brother. As he thinks that, he can’t help feeling a bit sad about it. Sam will be gone and Dean won’t be able to take care of him every day. He has been taking care of him almost since he was born and now Sammy is almost an adult and will be far from Dean, and he isn’t sure how he is going to deal with it. He’s going to miss his little brother so much. They have always been together and most of the time they only had each other, and soon, Dean will be here in Kansas and Sam will be in California. He knows that Sam will come home often, but it won’t be the same.

Dean is proud of seeing how Sam has grown up and he knows that Sam is capable of living by himself, but Dean doesn’t want him out of his life completely. He knows that Sam will be close to him, but part of Dean is scared of that loss. He’s always scared of losing the people he loves and cares about. It will always be his problem. It’s why he doesn’t want to tell Cas about his feelings. He knows that if this becomes real, if he confesses Cas what he feels, he’s going to lose him one in way or another. He isn’t strong enough to deal with that loss.

When they finish eating their sandwiches, Sam washes the dishes and Dean dries. As they do that, Sam doesn’t stop talking about how good those sandwiches were and that Dean should make them more often. Dean can’t help smiling.

Dean’s mobile phone rings and the brothers interchange a look. They know that no one except John calls at this time and no one of them wants to talk to him again. Dean still remembers their last conversation, and frankly, he doesn’t want to go through it again.

He picks his phone from his jeans’ pocket and he sees that the number isn’t memorized on it. He memorized the last number John called from, just in case. So Dean picks up his phone and Sam looks at him with expectant eyes.

“Hello?” Dean asks.

“ _Is this Dean Winchester?_ ” A woman asks from the other end of the line. Dean frowns in confusion. Why is a woman that he doesn’t know from anything calling him this late?

“Yes I am. Who is this?” He asks confused. Sam frowns in confusion as well.

“ _My name is Pamela Barnes and I’m a doctor from Kansas City Hospital,_ ” she says. Dean looks at his brother, shocked.

“What is it?” Sam asks, worried and confused.

“ _I’m calling you because you are John Winchester’s emergency contact,_ ” Pamela keeps saying.

Dean swallows hard. What has John done now? He knows that John gets in hospital for embolism, but they always called Bobby for that; hospital has never called Dean or Sam, it was always Bobby. The same happened when John had to spend the night in prison after some stupid fight their drunk father started in a bar.

“What happened?” Dean asks with a cold voice, hoping that Pamela tells him that his father is in a bed because of an embolism.

“ _He’s been involved in a car accident, he’s about to go into the operating room._ ”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions.
> 
> And a big thank you to the wonderful Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) for being my beta.

Dean is sure he’s never driven his Impala as fast as tonight, he doesn’t remember a journey as high-speed as this. Sam has never yelled ‘ _faster, Dean, faster!_ ’ before. He sometimes complains about Dean speeding; but not tonight. If John was in the hospital because of an embolism, Dean would have driven as calm as usual, and Sam would have probably stayed at home. But John has had a car accident and Pamela said that his injuries were very serious. The hospital has never seemed so far away.

When they get to there, they ask for their father and the nurse indicates where the operation room is, both of them run towards there. At this time, neither one of them is able to think about all those things their father has done to them, all those terrible things he told them, especially Dean. Right now John is in a really serious situation and they don’t know a lot about it.

One of the doctors tells them that John was really drunk and his car crashed into a wall of an abandoned factory. The wall collapsed and caught John. The doctor tells them that they don’t know if John is going to make it or not, the chances are not looking good.

Sam is sitting on a chair, bumping his leg up and down nervously and running his hands through his hair desperately. Dean walks from one wall to another, pacing, but he tries to stay still as much as he can. John is still inside the operation room.

“Fuck, for how long are we gonna have to wait?” Dean says, desperate. He hates waiting. Whatever it is, good or bad news, he wants to know now. He’s tired of waiting.

“Dean, it’s gonna take a while,” Sam says. His eyes are glassy; Dean’s are it too. Sam looks down and tangles his fingers together, looking at them. Dean starts to walk again restlessly. This waiting is killing him. “Do you think he’s gonna make it?” he asks, with a heartbreaking voice.

“I don’t know.” Dean sits down next to his brother and he looks down as well.

Despite John being a terrible father, Dean never wanted him to die. He wanted him out of his life, but not this way. Although once in a while, Dean has thought that things would have been easier if John died a long time ago. Sometimes he feels like a terrible son. He takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You know him. He is a tough man.” Dean chuckles acidly.

Sam makes the same chuckle. “Yeah.” He looks up and exhales sharply. “But you heard what the doctor said. He has a lot of internal bleeding, and—” He doesn’t finish the sentence and looks down again.

“Yeah, I know.” Dean breathes out. He looks at the door, hoping that it will open soon and his father will come out of it; dead or alive. He places his arm around Sam’s shoulder, pulling his brother closer. “Whatever it is it, Sammy, we are here together. Come what may, we’ve got each other.”

Sam sniffs and looks at Dean, with an honest but heartbreaking voice. “Like always.”

“Like always,” Dean repeats.

They stay together in those chairs, waiting. Time passes, an hour or two? Dean isn’t sure; time moves differently and it is never the same. Sometimes, a minute can last several hours, and sometimes, it can only last a couple of seconds. It isn’t constant; it dilates and shrinks without any sense at all.

Finally, one surgeon steps out and Sam and Dean immediately stand up. A couple of people push John out in a bed. He has a lot of tubes on his body and his face is covered with bruises and wounds. It’s shocking to see that strong and terrifying man like that; so weak and so wounded.

“Dad,” Sam and Dean whisper as they watch the bed be wheeled away.

The surgeon takes off the green mask that’s covering his mouth and begins to talk. “It’s been a long operation and we still aren’t sure if he’s going to be completely okay-” he starts to say.

“What do you mean?” Sam asks. Dean is still looking at that bed, moving away from his sight.

“We did as much as we could, the operation was successful, but we won’t be able to tell how his state is going to evolve. He may be in this coma for a long period of time, he may wake up or he may not make it,” he explains. Dean turns his face to the surgeon with those last words. “It depends on how his system heals and how it reacts after this procedure.”

“So you don’t have any idea what is gonna happen to him?” Dean asks confused and a bit pissed off. He doesn’t want another waiting game; he doesn’t want to stay in the uncertain. He wants a definite answer.

“I’m afraid not, it varies person-to-person. When something like this happens and a person is in that state, nothing is for sure. Like I said, he could be in a coma for a long time, or he could wake up or he might not make it. During this week, we will see and he will be referred to a specialist,” he keeps explaining with a serious but compressive voice. “I’m sorry not to be able to give you a concrete answer.”

“Okay,” Dean says exhausted. “Thanks for everything.”

The man nods and he walks away. Dean looks at his brother; he’s still trying to assimilate everything too. Coma, dying or waking up. Dean doesn’t want to get his hopes up, because John looked like hell, and although the man is so fucking tough and hard, there’s no way he’s going to get out of this. 

The two brothers go and ask the nurse which room John Winchester is staying in. Politely, she tells them where and they go. When they arrive, there’s another nurse connecting John to several panels. He’s in a profile bed, with a tube in his mouth and several cables in his arms that are connected to said panels. He looks even worse than when he got out from the operation room.

When the nurse finishes what she was doing, she approaches Sam and Dean, who are waiting in the doorstep. “It’s late…” she begins to say. “You should come back here tomorrow. He needs to rest and you do too. We will look after him.”

Neither Dean nor Sam say anything, they just nod. The nurse walks away, shooting them a sympathetic glance, leaving them alone. Dean and Sam look at their father. Dean isn’t sure if he and Sam are breathing at all. After all the pain John has caused them, to see him like that hurts. But for the rest, Dean isn’t sure how he feels. He feels bad, but it isn’t only about his father, and that’s making him feel dizzy.

“We should go home. Tomorrow after you go to school and I go to college we’ll pass by here,” Dean murmurs.

Sam nods. “Yeah, we should— we should rest.”

The journey back home is much slower than before. There’s total silence in the car. Dean doesn’t know what to say, he isn’t sure if there’s something to say. Sam must feel the same. They just want to go home and sleep; tomorrow will be another day and they will visit John.

When Dean climbs in his bed he finds it hard to fall asleep. His head is full of thoughts and memories, all related to John, most of them aren’t good, especially the ones from the last fifteen years. There was a time, after Mary died, that John was still a father that liked to hold Dean and take him everywhere, and he couldn’t stop smiling. But those times started to be less frequent until they were nonexistent, when alcohol took the John that liked to play with his sons.

Dean isn’t sure when he falls asleep, but when he does, he dreams with blurry memories and how things should have been.

 

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” Sam asks the moment he gets into the hospital room.

Dean’s sitting on a chair next to his father’s bed. He’s been there for a couple of minutes. “I skipped it,” Dean says. “It wasn’t important. Today we were gonna watch some videos about mechanics on youtube. I didn’t want to stay there,” he explains as Sam grabs the other chair and places it next to Dean’s.

“Anything new?” Sam asks with a heartbreaking voice.

“No,” Dean answers. He looks at his brother. He has circles around his eyes, like Dean. Both of them had a terrible night. “If you see a nurse or a doctor or anyone, just ask them,” he says as he stands up.

“Where are you going?” Sam asks confused.

“I’m gonna buy some m&m’s from that vending machine next to the elevators. I’m hungry.” He searches in his backpack for his wallet and he grabs it. “Do you want something?”

“Some m&m’s too.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

Dean leaves the room and walks towards the elevators. It isn’t too far from the room, but Dean has to walk a little. In the halls there are some patients walking in slow steps, trying to recover from their own operations. Luckily, the halls are wide enough and Dean can walk in his usual speed without disturbing anyone.

He gets to the vending machine and buys some m&m’s. He ducks to pick them and when he stands up, a familiar voice speaks, “Dean?”

Dean turns around and he sees Cas, with a white gown over his waistcoat and suit. He looks as gorgeous as always, but he looks cuter with that gown, because it is a little larger on his hands, covering them slightly. “Cas, what are you doing here?” Dean asks confused.

“I work here,” Castiel answers. He looks at Dean and makes his usual confused frown. “What are you doing here? What’s wrong?” he asks extremely worried.

“I’m here because my father had a car accident and he is here,” he starts to say. Castiel makes a shocked face. “They operated on him last night and he’s in a coma. We don’t know if he’ll stay like that or if he will wake up, he might die.” He exhales exhausted and looks down at the peanut chocolate packets he is holding in his hands.

“How are you?” Castiel asks as he takes some steps to get closer to Dean.

Dean exhales again and he looks at Castiel, whose blue eyes are filled with worry and that usual warmth of his. If Dean was talking to anyone else, he would probably lie and say he’s fine, but when he’s with Cas, he knows he doesn’t have to lie. 

“Honestly? I don’t know,” Dean starts to say. Castiel frowns with that. “Physically, I’m like shit.” He shoves his hand to point at his face. “I guess my face can tell you that.”

“Yeah, you look like hell,” he says with a grimace.

Dean chuckles. “Trying to make me smile, Cas?”

Castiel blushes a little and makes that cute little smile that Dean adores. He arches his eyebrows and he makes a guilty face. “It worked, right?”

“Yeah.” He sighs and smiles at Cas in a timid way. How can that man make everything so easy? Well, not everything; when it comes to Dean’s feelings about Cas, it is the most complicated thing, but for the rest, Cas easies everything.

“And emotionally?” Castiel wonders.

Dean looks away from those beautiful eyes, but he can still feel Cas’ worried sight on him. He nibbles his lower lip guiltily and he lets out a sigh. He finally finds the courage to look at those eyes and he starts to talk. “You know how my relationship with my father is. Part of me is worried that he’s like that, you know? He’s still my dad.” His voice sounds weak and small.

Dean is sure that if he was talking with someone else, he would try to look stronger, but Dean can expose himself, he can be weak and Cas will make him feel better about it, he will protect him. That’s the extraordinary thing about Cas. Dean trusts him more than anything, and it doesn’t matter how fucked up Dean is; Cas will make him feel better.

“But?” Castiel says. His curious and worried eyes are on him.

“But,” Dean says as if the word was scratching his throat from the inside. “Part of me is a bit glad that he’s like that. After everything he has done to me and Sammy. I don’t want him to die, but—” He feels his eyes getting warmer with the tears he is holding. He is definitely not going to cry in front of Cas about this. Dean moves his jaw and looks up. “I am a fucking terrible son, aren’t I?”

“No, Dean. You aren’t.” His voice comes soft and sweet, wrapping Dean with that tenderness. “After all the pain you and your brother have been through with that man, it is understandable to feel that way.” Dean can see that Castiel understands it and he isn’t judging him. There’s honesty in his eyes. “And you still worry about him, which makes you better than him.”

“If you say so…”

“It’s true and you know it, Dean.” His voice is strong and honest. Dean knows that Cas gets really pissed when Dean doesn’t think he is worth and things like that. Dean will never understand why Cas keeps thinking that Dean is worth and good. “If you didn’t give a shit about him, if you truly wanted him to die, you wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t look as affected as you do,” he says with determination. Dean exhales sharply and looks down. “You care. And that’s what makes you better.”

Dean chuckles and looks at Castiel, whose eyes are a bit glassy. Sometimes he is too sympathetic with Dean. “You—”

“Dean!” Sam exclaims. Dean turns over to see his brother. Oh fuck, he forgot that Sam was waiting in the room. “What are you still doing here?” Sam asks and he looks at Castiel with curious eyes.

“I was talking with Cas,” Dean confesses and pointing to him. He could lie, but he isn’t in the proper condition to do that. Besides, Sam can recognize Cas. They haven’t met, but Dean described Cas physically, so Sam could see the doctor is Cas.

“Wait, this is Cas?” Sam asks surprised, recognition filling his eyes. “Your boyfriend?”

Fucking Sam. How many times has he told him that he and Cas aren’t boyfriends? When Dean sees Cas, he is starting to get flushed. “We aren’t boyfriends, Sam.” Dean mutters embarrassed.

“Oh, yeah, sorry I—” Sam starts to stutter.

“Don’t worry Sam,” Castiel says with his charming smile. “Nice to meet you.” He offers his hand to Sam, who shakes it with him. “I knew you were tall, but not this much,” he comments surprised and Dean can’t help making a smirk.

“Yeah, I know.” He sounds a bit shy about it. “And nice to meet you too, Castiel,” he says. “You work here, right?”

“Yes, I do,” he answers calmly.

Dean is going to have to kiss him to thank him for being so calm and casual about meeting his brother. Frankly, Dean is freaking out a little. He is worried that Sam will start asking a lot of things about Cas and their relationship and who the hell knows what.

“I saw Dean and I started to ask him why he was here and he told me. I’m sorry about your father.” Cas sounds devastated.

“Yeah, thanks,” Sam says with a sad face.

“How are you?” Castiel asks worried.

“Not good.” He makes a tired smile and looks down.

“If you need anything, just tell me, okay? I can get anything for you.”

“It’s okay, Cas. Thanks,” Dean says. Castiel nods and makes a tiny sweet smile. “We should go back to the room.” He turns his face to Sam, who nods rapidly. “I guess we’ll see you often. I don’t think we will be leaving here soon.”

“Who knows?” Castiel asks. He sighs and approaches Dean, placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder, warmth spreading under that touch, even if there are a couple of clothes in between, but Dean feels good with that small touch. “Are you sure you will be okay?” His voice is all worried and even it breaks a little.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine, Cas. Don’t worry.” He breathes out and looks into those eyes. He wishes he could sink himself in that sea and never get out of there.

“Okay,” he says and Dean can tell that Cas knows that Dean won’t be fine. But he doesn’t say anything about it. “If you need anything—”

“I know, Cas. I know. Thanks.” Dean makes a grateful and sweet smile and Castiel mirrors it.

“See you then.” He squeezes Dean’s shoulder in a warm way and he pulls away. “See you, Sam.”

“See you, Cas,” Sam says.

Before Cas is completely gone from their sights, he turns one more time and he looks at Dean, who moves his hand to say him goodbye. Then, Castiel disappears into one of the many halls.

“I like him,” Sam says.

Dean hands him his m&m’s and they start to walk towards the room where John is. “Yeah, I guessed that you were gonna like him.” Dean murmurs.

Honestly, if he thinks about it, he’s glad that Sam and Cas met this way, there would have been no way that Dean was going to bring Cas home to introduce the two of them, it would have been too awkward. He’s happy that they met, even if it’s through a terrible casualty like this one, and Dean feels like them meeting went pretty well. The only problem is that Dean knows Sam too well, he knows his annoying little brother is going to start asking a lot of things, because that’s what he does best.

“He is nice and he cares a lot about you,” Sam says with a shy smile.

Dean looks at him with a frown. “Yeah, I know that.” He knows that his brother wants to get somewhere else, but Dean isn’t sure exactly where. “I care about him too.”

“I know.” He lets out a sigh. “I expected him to be a bit taller.”

Dean chuckles. “Not everyone is a giant like you.”

Sam rolls his eyes and chuckles too. “And he looks so elegant,” he comments surprised.

“Where are you going with all of that?” Dean asks confused and frowning. He is a bit terrified of the answer.

Sam looks at his brother and he makes a mysterious smile; Dean hates that smile; it means no good. “I’m just a bit surprised that he seems to be a great guy. My brother going out with a neurosurgeon; it seemed odd. But I’m happy to know that he is as good as you described.”

“You didn’t believe me or what?” 

They are already in the room; John is still in a coma, lying on that hospital bed with crisp white sheets, connected to all those machines. Sam and Dean sit down on the chairs they were in before they left.

“Yeah I did, but I never saw him and I wanted to check who my brother was with. Like you do with Jess.” He makes a smirk and Dean rolls his eyes.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.” There’s a silence in between the two of them. The only sounds come from the monitors that monitor John’s observations while he’s still in coma and the noises the two brothers make as they eat their chocolate. Sam sighs after a while. “Can I ask you something Dean?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want dad to wake up?” he asks with an insecure voice.

Dean takes a deep breath and looks down. “I just want him to stop giving us trouble,” he finally says.

“You didn’t exactly answer my question.”

“I know.” He exhales sharply and he eats some more m&m’s. “I don’t want him to die. But I don’t want him to be like he has been these last fifteen years. I want him to realize about things, you know?” He looks at Sam, who looks at him back and nods. “Do you want dad to wake up?”

“I’m not sure,” he whispers. “After everything he has done to us, especially to you— I don’t want him to die either, he’s still dad, but I’m tired of seeing how he destroys himself and how he drags us into that. I want him to get better, not only from this, from everything.”

“Me too, Sammy. Me too.”

 

By Wednesday there’s no change in John’s situation. One of the nurses told Sam and Dean that all his observations are stable and there’s no progress in his state. He’s not any better but he’s also not any worse. Tomorrow, they will do some tests on John to know if he needs another operation, or any medication. Sam asked if she had any idea about how John could evolve, but she said that she didn’t know, which means more waiting for Sam and Dean.

Wednesday afternoon is soon gone. Charlie came to see how Sam and Dean were doing, she stayed an hour or so, and her company was appreciated. Sam and Dean spend the rest of the afternoon sitting on those uncomfortable chairs, both at either side of John’s bed - doing their homework and just waiting for something, anything, and talking once in a while. But nothing happens. And Dean is sure that nothing is going to happen.

It is late now and Dean knows that in a few minutes he and Sam will have to go. He looks at John’s immobile body, wondering what he might be dreaming; maybe about Mary and a happy family. Dean’s eyes get glassy with that thought.

Suddenly, someone knocks on the door and Dean turns his face to look at the doorstep. “Hello, Dean,” Castiel says.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean stands up and walks towards him. “How did you know the room?”

“I work here,” Castiel says with a proud smile. Dean smiles. “Where’s Sam?”

“He is outside, talking to Bobby and telling him about dad,” he explains and he pinches the bridge on his nose exhaustedly. He observes that Castiel isn’t wearing the white gown and he is holding on one arm his trench coat. “You leaving?”

“Yes, it’s time to go home. I just wanted to see how you and your brother were doing before I left. I couldn’t come before; I had a really busy day.” He rests his shoulder on the doorpost, leaning onto it.

“Don’t worry, I know. I wasn’t expecting you to come here. You’ve got enough with your work.” He smiles and shrugs one shoulder in a timid way. He is glad to see Cas there, worrying about him and Sam. He was definitely not expecting him to show up in the room.

“How are you?”

Dean makes a grimace and looks at the bed his father is. Then, he looks at Cas. “Same as yesterday. Although I slept a bit better.”

“Those circles around your eyes aren’t as marked as yesterday,” he murmurs.

“Yeah.” Dean chuckles. “Sam is like me too. And dad is the same. Tomorrow they will do some tests to see if they finally know what the hell is going on.” He exhales angrily. “I hate this waiting, you know? I just want to know if he is gonna wake up, or die, or be in coma. I hate this uncertainty.”

“That’s the worst. Not knowing what it is going to happen,” he begins to say. Dean wonders how Cas’ voice can be this heartwarming. It’s amazing. “But frustration isn’t going to help any of you. I know it’s hard, but you have to be patient, Dean. Exasperation is going to burn you down.”

“Yeah, I know, but I just can’t help it.” He looks down and sniffs.

“Are you and Sam going to stay longer tonight?”

“No. As soon as Sam comes back, we’re going. I don’t think he is gonna wake up or anything.” He looks at his father for a brief moment before retuning his gaze to Castiel. “I have to make dinner and both of us have to wake up early for class.” Dean says. John’s life might be paused, but Sam’s and Dean’s lives are still running.

“Well, I’m leaving. I have to make dinner too.” He makes a sad smile.

“Don’t burn down anything,” Dean jokes.

Castiel glares him, but he is smiling. “I should be more worried about not poisoning myself.” Dean laughs at that and Castiel looks so happy to see him laughing. “I love it when you laugh.” He admits with a shy but pretty voice.

“I know you do,” Dean says smiling. “Only you could make me laugh on a bad day.”

“Well, you manage to do the same with me.” They both smile timidly but grateful. “Goodnight Dean,” he says as he starts to walk away.

“Cas, wait,” Dean says and Castiel stops. Dean kisses him needy, cupping his face and Castiel is surprised by it; Dean can feel it in the kiss, but then, the blue eyed man kisses him back. When Dean pulls away, he blushes a lot. “Sorry, I— just needed it. I shouldn’t—” But Castiel interrupts him by giving him a sweet and gentle kiss. His hands are on Dean’s nape and Dean’s are on Castiel’s waist. It feels good to kiss him. Cas’ kisses always makes things to hurt less, to make the problems fade away.

“Don’t worry,” Castiel says. He is really flushed but there’s a wonderful cute smile on his lips that it is all teeth and gums. “I really like kissing you.”

“Shut up,” Dean says chuckling. Soon, Castiel joins his chuckles. Just seeing him like that, makes Dean feel better. How is it that they feel so comfortable with each other all the time? It should be the opposite due to their agreement, but everything is different with Cas; it has always been different. “I guess I needed something good.”

Castiel nods. Then, he presses a brief kiss on Dean’s lips. When he pulls away, Castiel caresses Dean’s hair. It is stupid how loved and good Dean can feel with those small touches.

“Sleep well, Dean.” He pulls his hand away and Dean misses the feeling of his hand on his hair the moment Cas moves it away.

“See you, Cas,” Dean says.

Castiel walks away and Dean follows him with his eyes. He rests his back on the jamb, watching how Cas gets tiny the further he is. He can’t help smiling at thinking that Cas just passed by before going home to know how he was. He is great, so fucking great.

Dean looks at the bed where his father is and he wonders what he would have said if he saw Dean kissing Castiel. Nothing good, he guesses. Probably he would have started saying that it is disgusting or something like that. Dean feels his eyes glassy again, tears burning inside his eyes, willing to fall down his face and to leave a trace. But he sighs, looks up and rubs his face, trying to keep his tears in.

 

***

 

After testing a patient to check if he had any kind of tumor in his brain and informing the patient that everything is correct, that he doesn’t have anything to worry about, Castiel goes towards the elevators to get to his office and study one case about another patient. After undertaking her a lot of different tests to know what’s causing her condition, Balthazar told him to investigate the brain to see if the brain is responsible of those symptoms. By now, Castiel hasn’t discovered anything unusual, but he is going to work on it.

He gets into the elevator and when he is in the floor where his office is, the doors are opened. When he gets out, he spots Sam, on the coffee machine.

“Hello, Sam,” Castiel says approaching him. The tall kid looks at him and makes a sweet smile. When Castiel met him two days ago, he found him really tall and he looked a bit like Dean, especially with his gestures.

“Hey, Cas,” Sam greets. He grabs the plastic cup and by the smell, Castiel can tell that it is hot chocolate. Coffee in that machine sucks, but hot chocolate is quite good. “How are you?”

“Good,” he says with a smile. He tilts his head up a little. Dean told him that his little brother was tall, but damn it, the kid is extremely tall. “How are you and Dean?”

Sam takes a deep breath. “Just going. Everything is the same. Dad’s been under some tests but they haven’t told us anything important, just that they don’t know.” He takes a sip from his chocolate and looks down in a sad way.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He knows what that feels like. Castiel has saw things like that over the years and the worst thing for families, it is the uncertainty. Not knowing what it is going to happen it is the worst. People get hopes and when something terrible finally happens, all those people get terribly hurt.

“Yeah, well.” Sam exhales sharply and shrugs. He takes a long sip and he finishes the drink with that. Then he throws the plastic cup to the trash. “Hey, Cas.” Sam clears his throat. “Are you too busy? I want to talk with you about Dean.”

“Something’s wrong?” he asks really worried.

“No, well, not exactly,” Sam starts to say. Castiel looks at him confused, not knowing what Sam means. “He is gonna kill me if he finds out I’m talking to you about it.”

“Sam, tell me, what’s wrong with Dean?” He knows how Dean can be sometimes, and if something really wrong is going on with him, Castiel knows that Dean won’t end up well, and he will do anything to help him.

Sam smiles. “I see that you care a lot about him. I saw it the other day and now.”

“Yes, I care a lot about him,” he says timidly. He never expected to care this much about Dean. He knew he was going to care about him, but not this much. Sometimes Castiel thinks about how Dean got into his skin so deeply and easily, without noticing it.

“You’ve known him for a few months, right?” Sam asks with a concerned but gentle voice. Castiel nods. “And I guess you know him pretty well, and you know how badly he sometimes manages things.”

“Yes I do know,” he says with a grimace.

“The thing is, Dean seems so strong and he’s always saying that he is fine, even when he isn’t. But Dean is really fragile, he can get hurt easily. He is really strong, don’t get me wrong, he’s one of the strongest guys I know, but when it comes to emotions and things like that, he’s weak. He pretends to be strong but I know he doesn’t get on well with it.”

“What are you trying to say, Sam?” Castiel asks, confused.

Sam takes a deep breath. “You seem like a great guy, Cas. Dean has told me a couple of things about you, he is quite reserved and the way you treated Dean the other day showed me how much he matters to you,” he explains. Castiel blushes a little and looks at Sam with expecting eyes. Unlike Dean, Sam seems to be able to see emotions on people easily. “What I’m trying to say is that Dean can be really complicated and reserved sometimes.”

“I do know that, trust me,” Castiel says. Dean closes in himself most of the time. Sometimes he lets Castiel in, but he quickly shuts himself off, locking himself from everyone and sometimes Castiel wishes he could understand why.

“I don’t know what Dean and you have, call it whatever you want it, I don’t mind it. But the thing is that, Dean can get hurt and I really don’t want that for him, he doesn’t deserve it. You have to understand that when it comes to let others see how he really is, what he feels, he might freak out and he might get hurt. You should never forget that.”

“I will never hurt Dean, Sam. I would rather go through an awful hell than hurt him,” he says with a heartbreaking voice. Just the idea of hurting Dean scares him and hurts him. “If I ever hurt him, I will never forgive myself.”

“I know, Cas.” He makes a sympathetic smile. “He hasn’t been as happy as he is since he started to see you.” He makes a happy smile and Castiel’s heart skips a beat with that. “I’ve never seen him smiling that often. You make him happy, more than you think. And I think that he makes you really happy too, by the way you are looking now.”

“Yes, he really does,” he says timidly. Dean makes him really happy. It hurts to pay him for sex every month. When he does it, Castiel feels like an invisible knife stabs his heart because it reminds him that it isn’t real. But after all the words Sam just said, it makes him think otherwise. “He makes me happier than anyone I—” He makes a nervous and honest smile. “I don’t know what I would do without him. He makes me smile when nobody else can, he gives me self-worth, he makes me feel special, you know?” He shouldn’t be talking about this in front of Sam, but he feels the urge to let someone know. “And every week I look forward to see him, because it makes everything ‘awesome’, as he would say.” He chuckles with that and Sam does too. “He is one of the most important people in my life.”

Sam makes a happy and shy smile. “Then why—?”

“Sam!” Dean exclaims and Castiel is grateful that he has just arrived, because he knew what Sam’s question was going to be, and frankly, he isn’t ready to answer that; he hasn’t found the answer to that question himself yet. “Hey, Cas,” Dean says, shocked, as if he knew what kind of conversation he and Sam were having before his arrival. “Oh crap, how many things have you asked him?” he says annoyed to his little brother.

“Just one,” Castiel answers. Dean turns his face to look at him, a confused frown on his face. “He asked me how I was.”

“Really? Just that?” Dean gives his brother a doubtful look.

“He can ask whatever he wants, Dean. I don’t mind,” he adds. Sam gives him a grateful smile. “He was about to tell me an embarrassing story about you.”

Dean looks at his brother, who has a huge grin on his face. “The Batman one?”

“The Batman one,” Sam says with a cocky smile.

Dean’s face reddens quickly. “Don’t you dare to tell him that!”

“C’mon, it’s hilarious.”

“Don’t.”

“I’m sorry, Cas, I guess he won’t let me tell you,” Sam says with a pout.

“I’ll find a way to make him tell me,” Castiel says with a smirk and Dean glares him. His face is still all flushed, which makes him look so cute, despite his angry expression.

“Go to the room, I’ll be there in a while, I need to talk with Cas.”

“Fine,” Sam says with an exhausting voice. “See you, Cas.”

“See you, Sam,” he says. He and Dean see how Sam walks away. “Seriously, you have to tell me that story,” Castiel says with a sassy smirk.

Dean glares him again. “Not in a million years, Cas.” He sounds pissed off. “What has he told you? He hasn’t been so annoying, right?” Now he sounds really concerned and a bit embarrassed.

Castiel would like to say that Dean’s brother has made him realize that Dean might have some feelings for him. He told him that since he and Dean started this thing, which Sam doesn’t know exactly what it is, he is really happy. He would love to confirm if Dean does really feel something about him, but Castiel has a lot of things to figure out and he isn’t sure if he is everything Dean deserves. Castiel is a guy who is paying Dean to have sex with him; how would Dean like to date Castiel after that?

“No he hasn’t. Your brother is really nice,” Castiel says with a smile. Now Cas understands Dean’s love for his little brother. Dean makes a relieved breath. “By the way, how are you?”

“Tired.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath. “They don’t tell us anything and all I see is that he’s getting worse.” He bounces to his other leg in a nervous way and then, he gets closer to Castiel. “Hey, Cas, I— I was wondering if you would mind if I didn’t go to your apartment tomorrow and on Saturday, I’m not in the best condition to—”

“Dean, I already knew you weren’t going to come. Your father is here, it is understandable that you don’t want to go to my apartment,” he says a bit surprised. Dean’s father’s here and there’s no way that Dean would be able to work as tired and worried as he is right now. Castiel knew that when he saw Dean on Tuesday.

“Thanks,” Dean says with a shy smile. “Sometimes I forget how awesome you are.”

“Shut up,” he says blushing. He looks at Dean’s eyes, all filled with warmth and love and Castiel can’t help thinking about Sam’s words. “You are an assbutt.”

Dean smiles, showing his teeth and his gums and Castiel loves it; it’s one of the most beautiful smiles, although all Dean’s smiles are beautiful. “I think there’s something wrong with me if I like you calling me that,” he teases.

“No, not at all,” he says smiling like Dean.

“Hey, Cassie!” Balthazar yells from the end of the hall, which isn’t too far. This is a hospital, why the hell is he yelling? Sometimes Balthazar seems to forget where he works. Castiel turns his face and looks at his friend. “Can you help me with some stuff?”

“Yes. Just a minute,” Castiel says.

“Cassie?” Dean asks really sassy and arching his eyebrow.

“Don’t ask. He likes to call me that,” he says pissed off and Dean laughs. “I don’t know how many times I’ve told him not to call me that.” He makes a frustrated grimace. He looks at Dean who is smirking. “Call me like that and I swear that I’ll kick your ass.”

“But you love my pretty ass,” he teases.

Castiel makes an acidic smile. Dean has a point. “You don’t want to know what I can make you do if you call me that.”

“I get all tingly when you get so badass,” Dean says with a cocky smile.

Castiel blushes and squeezes his mouth. “You are such an assbutt.”

“But you like me,” Dean says with a warm smile. Castiel can’t help smiling like that too. “See you, Cas.”

“See you, Dean.” Castiel walks towards Balthazar and as he approaches him, he can see his friend with his usual mischievous smile. That cannot be good at all.

“Is that your Dean-o?” Balthazar asks with his eyebrows raised.

“First, don’t call him like that, and second, yes, that’s Dean. How do you know?”

“That smile you had when you were talking to him,” he says with a smug face. Castiel wishes he could punch him right now. “I have never seen you that happy. It was all brightness, sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,” he adds and Castiel rolls his eyes and puffs annoyed. “What’s the ken doll doing here?”

“He is not a ken doll!” Castiel exclaims disgusted, which makes Balthazar to laugh loudly. Balthazar opens the door of his office and he and Castiel get in. “His father is here. He had a car accident,” Castiel explains. He sees that Balthazar is still looking at him with that smug face. “Okay, spit it out, just say what you are willing to tell me.”

Balthazar laughs to himself. “I think you have fallen in love, Castiel.”

Part of Castiel would love to be able to disagree with that, but he can’t.

 

***

 

Friday arrives and Dean is tired of hearing the same old shit. When he arrives to the hospital after class and he finds Sam talking to the nurse, she doesn’t fully answer the questions they are making; she keeps telling that she can’t answer them and then leaves the room. Sam and Dean look at each other. Sam sits down.

“Do you think it is bad news?” Sam asks.

“Probably, I don’t understand why she isn’t answering us,” Dean says as he places his backpack on the chair.

“Maybe her senior has told her not to say anything until the doctor responsible tells us.”

Dean looks at the screens. It seems that they have changed, but he doesn’t understand anything on them. He walks towards the end of the bed where John’s medical history is and he sees that there is some information, but he barely understands anything. It is full of graphics without any explanation at all.

“I’ll be right back,” Dean simply says.

“Where are you going?” Sam asks standing up.

“To see if I can find some answers. Wait here.”

Dean gets out from the room and he walks towards where the elevators are. He sees a sign that reads neurology and he follows the path the signs tell him. The halls there are narrower, but not so much; this part of the hospital must be only for doctors and surgeons and people like that.

Almost at the end of the hall, he sees a door that has a sign and Castiel Novak is written on it. Dean knocks on the door and he hears Castiel’s voice behind it. “Come in.” So Dean comes in. “Dean, what are you doing here?” Castiel asks with a worried voice. Dean closes the door.

“Cas, I need answers,” Dean starts to say with a broken and tired voice. “The nurse isn’t telling us anything and we know she knows something. Can you just come over and tell us?” He sounds so small and hurt. He is almost begging.

Castiel stands up and walks towards him. “Let’s go.”

As they walk through the hall, Dean asks, “I’m not getting you into trouble for this, right?” The last thing he wants to do is to cause Cas any problem.

“No, don’t worry.” He makes that sweet comforting smile. “If the nurse isn’t telling you anything, it is because she must be in practice and she isn’t allowed to tell information like that. It’s hospital policy. Students who are in practices here at the hospital can’t tell any kind of bad news to the family. It can go wrong, you know?” he explains, serenely calm.

So Sam was right; it is bad news. Dean feels how his guts start to twist a little. Despite everything that happened with John, Dean was hoping that maybe, he will get out of this.

When they arrive to the room, Sam looks confused at Dean and at Cas. “Hey Cas, what are you doing here?” Sam asks puzzled and standing up.

“Dean wants me to tell you about your father’s condition,” Castiel says.

The first thing he does is to look at all the monitors with a lot of attention. He has his serious face, looking at every detail on the screens. After that, he looks at John and examines his face. By the face he is making, Dean knows that it isn’t something good. Cas is trying to do all of this with a poker face, but Dean knows him, and he can read Cas’ face. Finally, Cas grabs the medical history and goes through the pages of all those graphics and information about the tests. When he has already read all of that, he puts it back in its place. Sam and Dean are looking at him, expectant, and Dean holds his breath.

Castiel exhales sharply. “He is dying.”

Dean feels how his heart sinks with those words. It feels as if a sword just stabbed his heart and cut it in a half. He looks at Sam, who is trying to assimilate what Cas just said. “Are you sure?” Dean asks with a breathy voice.

“I’m sure,” Castiel says sadly. “The observations were stable after the procedure, but they’ve dropped down in these last few days. As you can see by the monitor, his heart rate is steadily decreasing. The tests show that the internal bleeding has appeared again, and it will be extremely severe soon – he may have to undergo more surgery, though I’m unsure of the benefits, he may not make it through another major procedure. His recent MRI shows little brain activity, there are no responses, that’s why he remains comatose. He isn’t feeling any pain at all but his neurons are dying slowly. That’s not including his existing medical conditions; he’s in end stage liver failure. Any of those things could be the one that kills your father, the one that evolves fastest, most likely the internal bleeding if we don’t operate again. In these situations, some people chose to just make the patient comfortable, and from the tests results that is our recommendation. Doing anything more is going to prolong the inevitable.” 

“Holy shit.” Dean breathes out and he feels one tear falling down his eye. He takes a needy breath. The air in the room feels thick suddenly, making Dean feel unable to breathe properly.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says with glassy eyes.

Sam starts to rub his face and he bounces from one leg to the other. “And how long does he have left?” Sam asks with a trembling voice.

“Less than a week with no intervention. I can’t tell you exactly how long. Five days at most.”

Dean starts to breathe shakily. It isn’t hyperventilation, but it is close. This can’t end like this. His father can’t die like this. There are so many things John should say and so many things Dean needs to hear. John has always been a tough man and now he is just dying and Dean can’t assimilate it. Things can’t end this way. His father can’t leave them without apologizing or talking to them.

“Dean!” Castiel exclaims. Dean isn’t sure when Castiel got this close, but right now there are only a few inches in between them. Castiel cups his face and presses their foreheads together. “I’m here, Dean. I’m here. Just breathe calmly with me.” Castiel breathes calmly and Dean tries to do the same, but he can’t do it properly. “Keep doing it Dean, just breathe, slowly.” Dean nods at that. His breathing starts to get calmer, but he feels it is still shaky. “I’m not going anywhere Dean, I’m here. Sam’s here. Just take it easy Dean.” His voice is soft and calm. He caresses with his thumbs Dean’s cheekbones and Dean feels able to breathe again. Castiel smiles, but he keeps breathing at the same time with Dean for more time.

“Thanks,” Dean says. He closes his eyes and places his hands on Castiel’s wrists, caressing them gently.

“You were having a panic attack,” he explains. Dean nods. “Are you okay?”

“No. But I’m better,” he recognizes. He takes a deep breath and Cas pulls his hands away from his face to hug him tightly. Dean doesn’t waste a second to bury his face on Cas’ shoulder and fist the back of his gown. He isn’t crying or sobbing; he can’t.  
“It’s okay Dean. It’s okay,” Castiel says and Dean feels how one of Cas’ hand starts to stroke his hair.

Dean wishes he could spend the rest of his life like this, with Cas holding him, without any load on his shoulders, feeling safe and warm. How easy things would be if he could do that.

Dean pulls away, feeling how Cas’ warmth disappears instantly the moments they are no longer pressed together. “Thanks for that.”

“You are welcome.” He smiles in a sad but warm way. “How are you Sam?”

“I’m fine,” Sam says.

“Fine never means _fine_.”

Sam chuckles. “Don’t worry, we’ll be fine,” Dean says breathy. “You’ve got work to do.”

“If he gets any other panic attack, do the same as I did. If he doesn’t get better, call me or any doctor,” Castiel says to Sam.

“Okay,” Sam says with a sympathetic smile.

“I’ll be fine Cas, don’t worry.” Dean insists; he tries to sound casual, but he knows he isn’t good at faking it at the moment.

“You know I’ll never stop worrying about you.” He makes an obvious face and Dean can’t help smiling at him. “Take care.”

Castiel leaves the room and Dean drops onto the chair, Sam does the same. Dean isn’t looking anywhere, his eyes are fixed nowhere. Everything is quiet in the room, except for the soft sound coming from one monitor, marking John’s heartbeats, which are almost nonexistent. Even Sam’s and Dean’s breathings are almost nonexistent.

“What do we do now, Dean?” Sam asks in the quietest voice possible, sounding heartbroken.

Dean exhales sharply. Things aren’t going to be so different, right? John has been gone for almost all of their lives; the main difference is that John was somewhere, alive and they knew that sooner or later, he would arrive drunk, and then he would leave. Now, he is going to leave and there’s no coming back. He will be gone forever.

Dean turns his face to stare at his brother, whose eyes are red from the tears he is holding. Dean knows that his own eyes must look the same.

He takes a deep breath. “Just wait for the inevitable.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions.
> 
> And a big thank you to the wonderful Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) for being my beta.

John Winchester dies on Monday morning. Neither Dean nor Sam go to class. John’s doctor confirmed what Cas told them; their father could undergo to another surgery but even if they stopped his internal bleeding, the chances were high that he would still die. There wasn’t much left to do for John.

Sam and Dean watch the hospital porter take their father out of the room to transport him to the morgue. Time passes slower than ever, as if everything is happening in slow motion. Dean still can’t believe that this is the end for his father. He hoped that maybe things would change, that John would realize his mistakes and he would try to fix everything. But Dean was wrong.

The moment John is out of the room, Dean spots Castiel outside in the hall, looking at him with a sad face. Dean walks towards him, without thinking about it twice he falls into Castiel’s arms. Dean breathes heavily, buries his face on Castiel’s shoulder and fists the back of his gown. The other man hugs him tight and he makes soothing circles with his hands. Neither of them says anything. Dean doesn’t want to hear anything and Castiel knows it. He only wants to feel Cas protecting him.

 

The funeral is on Tuesday, in the evening. The sky is grey and it’s cold, as if the world was trying to be sad for John’s loss. Dean knows it’s bullshit; nobody would miss that drunk. When Mary died, the John everyone knew and loved died too. John’s body was still there, but he wasn’t the same – he was heartbroken. He became a broken drunk shell of a father and a person. That’s the man he has been missing, the happy John, before tragedy stole his life, that’s the man Dean has been sad about losing; not the one they are burying today.

Sam, Dean, Bobby, Jody, Charlie, Kevin and Jessica attend the funeral. Less than ten people, and most are here to support Sam and Dean. It seems that John never managed to make any friends at all. It isn’t a surprise.

Dean looks at Sam and Jess and he sees how Jess holds Sam’s hand tightly, helping his brother to keep himself together. It is a shame that Dean had to meet her in this way. One of these days he is going to invite her to have dinner at home and get to know her. She seems like a great girl.

Looking at his brother and Jess makes Dean want to have Cas by his side. Cas insisted on coming to the funeral but Dean told him he should work in the hospital, that they needed him there more., It would be better if he wasn’t at the funeral, Dean isn’t sure how things would have gone if Cas was there and his family and friends saw him. Cas understood, but Dean knows that he wanted to stay there with him to give him support. Dean thinks it’s better like this, to keep Cas away, but right now he would love to have him, holding him in that wonderful way of his.

When the funeral ends, everyone talks to Sam and Dean, trying to make sure that they are okay. Sam seems to be better than Dean, but not so much. The older Winchester keeps saying that he is fine, but everyone knows that he isn’t. They don’t push. Everyone understands that he and Sam need their time.

The way back home is spent in silence. Neither Dean nor Sam says a word. It feels too strange to know that their father is dead, that he’s completely gone and he will never come back. It feels unreal. Dean has a weird sensation, as if he’s dreaming but he knows he isn’t about to wake up and it makes him feel strange and dizzy.

Once they arrive home, the first thing they do is to take off their black suits and put on their casual clothes. Dean doesn’t want to keep wearing those depressing clothes anymore, so he puts on his Henley t-shirt and one of his shirts with some jeans and his boots, something that makes him feel comfortable and himself.

Dean goes downstairs and finds Sam, sitting on the couch, looking into space. He sits down on the couch next to his little brother. Why are they like this? They have spent their whole life without John and they kept with their lives; why does it now feels as if their lives have stopped completely?

“He’s gone,” Sam murmurs.

“Yeah,” Dean says.

“I don’t know how to feel about it.”

“Me neither.” He exhales sharply and rubs his eyes exhaustedly. “He could just—” He starts to say. Sam turns his face to look at him with a sad, curious expression. “He could just have said a freaking goodbye. He shouldn’t have left like this. But he did and it sucks.”

“I know.” Sam sighs. He looks down and moves his hands in a nervous way. “After all this time he could have apologized, or he could have said something, not just leave us this way. It feels as if we were nothing for him.”

“We were something for him,” Dean says with a serious voice. Sam looks at him with an incredulous face. “Deep down, when he wasn’t drunk. There was a tiny part on him that he still cared about us. But alcohol took it away until there was nothing left of that.”

“After all he did and said to you, do you still believe that?” One tear falls from Sam’s eye. His face is filled with sadness and anger.

“I want to believe that there was some remaining of the John I knew when I was a kid. When mom was still alive,” he says with a sob. He inhales sharply, trying to hold his tears, but he can’t. He feels the warm tears in his eyes falling down, getting colder as they fall and they reach his chin. “I will never forgive him for all the things he said and did to me, but I choose to remember him as he was when I was a kid. I’m tired of waiting that man to come back. He died the night mom did.”

Sam wipes off the tears from his eyes and then he hugs Dean, who hugs him back. They stay like that for a long moment. When they pull away, Sam says, “I’m going to spend the night at Jessica’s. I need to go somewhere where I can look around without seeing dad, you know?”

“Yeah,” Dean says. He understands his brother. This house is theirs, it was never John’s, but when Dean looks around he sees so many memories involving John, and not one of them is good. “I think I’m gonna call Cas and ask him if I can stay with him tonight.” He picks his phone and sees that it is almost nine o’clock. How did time fly this fast?

“Did you make him not to come to the funeral?” Sam asks as he stands up.

“Yeah. He had to work and I didn’t want to get him in trouble.” Part of this it is true, but it isn’t the whole truth. He knows that Sam must know why Dean didn’t let Cas come to the funeral, but his brother doesn’t say a word about it. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.”

Sam grabs his jacket and puts it on. “Yeah. See you, Dean.”

“See you, Sam.”

Sam leaves and Dean grabs his mobile phone to call Cas. He needs Cas, he needs to get away from this place and stop thinking about John, and Cas always makes him forget about all his crap.

After a few beeps, Castiel picks up the phone. “ _Hello Dean, how are you?_ ”

Dean makes a tiny smile. The first thing after greeting him is a question about how he is. Cas worries too much about Dean, and Dean doesn’t think he deserves it at all. “Hey Cas, I’m— not so good.” Dean takes a deep breath and looks at the ceiling as he feels emotion build up inside him. “Listen, I know you are probably busy, but I was wondering if I could spend the night at your place. I need to get out of here.”

“ _Of course you can spend the night here,_ ” he says and Dean can hear his smile popping up at the end of the line.

“Thanks, I’ll be there in a while, I gotta eat something first.”

“ _I was about to make some instant noodles, if you want to, you can join me._ ” There’s shyness in his voice and Dean finds it adorable. He loves when Cas is cute and timid. “ _I promise you that my management to boil water is pretty impressive._ ”

Dean laughs happily. Sometimes Cas is an idiot, but he does it on purpose so Dean can laugh and smile, which is something he is really grateful for. “You sure you won’t cause a domestic accident while boiling the water?”

“ _Yes, I’m sure._ ” He laughs. “ _So I’ll see you in a few minutes?_ ”

“Yeah. See you in a while Cas.” Dean hangs up. Just a simple conversation and Dean feels a bit better. Cas is too awesome for him.

Dean gets out of the house, closes the door and gets in the car. He drives towards Cas’ place, that road he could drive blindfolded. He has driven that road so many times that he knows every single thing about it.

He parks his car and gets into the building and waits for the elevator. He has done this several times -he hasn’t counted how many exactly -but every time he does it and it isn’t because he’s being paid for it, Dean feels relieved and happy. When he comes to Cas’ apartment just because they want to, it’s a whole new different sensation.

Castiel opens the door as Dean rings the doorbell. Castiel closes the space between them and hugs Dean, with all his care and his warmth and Dean hugs him back tightly, because it feels good, it feels awesome, it feels right. He fists the back of Cas’ shirt and he buries his face in the crook of Castiel’s neck, smelling that overwhelming scent from the blue eyed man.

“Come in,” Castiel says pulling away gently. Dean does and he walks towards the living room to place his leather jacket on the armchair. He walks towards the kitchen where Cas is. “Fork or chopsticks?” he asks when Dean sits on one of the chairs.

“Chopsticks,” Dean answers. Castiel gives him some chopsticks and he starts to pour water into the noodles’ bowls. Steam comes out from the kettle as the water falls. The smell of the food makes Dean’s mouth water. Castiel sits in front of him and he hands him the instants noodles. “Thanks.”

“It’s not as great as any of your wonderful food, but it is the best I can do.”

Dean smiles. “It’s perfect. I’m not too hungry, but I have to eat something. And I bet it tastes really good.” He grabs some noodles with the chopsticks and blows them before he eats them. “It tastes good.” They actually do.

“Congratulate the factory where they were made,” he sasses. Dean rolls his eyes and chuckles. “How are you feeling Dean?”

“Like I have a hurricane of thoughts and feelings in my head,” he says sighing. Which is exactly how he feels. And that hurricane is making him feel like shit. “And tired, really tired.” With the chopsticks he stirs the noodles, trying to avoid his thoughts and feelings about his dad’s death, hoping that they could drown in that soup.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Castiel asks worried.

Dean moves his eyes until he can meet Castiel’s. He would give anything to drawn in those eyes and never come back. “No. Not right now.” He takes a deep breath and eats some more noodles. “But if I want to, I will talk to you.”

“Okay.” Castiel makes a sincere smile.

They talk about some movies Castiel should watch, because Cas changed the topic immediately. He doesn’t push Dean ever. Unless he sees him in the edge of falling apart, but Dean isn’t at that cliff yet. He’s grateful that Cas can easily change the subject and make him forget about all his worries.

After dinner, they go to bed. They are both tired. Castiel lends him one of his pajamas pants, the one with red plaid and Dean smiles at it. As he takes off his clothes, except his underwear and his t-shirt, he sees Cas getting undressed and Dean can’t help looking at him. He has seen him stripping a lot of times, but he never gets the chance to look how he takes his clothes off in such a natural way. The same happens when Castiel starts to put on a worn dark grey t-shirt and some black pajamas pants. It is something that Dean never gets to see.

They get in bed and Castiel rolls until he is pressing his chest against Dean’s side, holding him. Dean moves his arm until it is embracing Castiel and he places his hand on his shoulder, pulling him closer. Doing this, without the need of taking off their clothes or having sex feels extremely good. Just lying with Cas next to him, doing nothing else feels better than so many things.

They wish goodnight to each other and they fall asleep.

But after a few hours, Dean wakes up. He slept, but bad dreams woke him up. He looks at Cas, lighted slightly by the dim light of the moon that sneaks through the window and the terrace door. He seems so calmed and Dean can’t help envying him for that and thinking how beautiful he looks.

Cas is holding Dean, not too tightly but his grip is quite secure. He smiles and kisses Cas’ forehead. Carefully, Dean pulls away, trying to be as cautious and quiet as possible; he doesn’t want to wake up Cas.

He manages to sneak out of the bed. He walks towards the chair where his jeans are and he searches in one of its pockets for his tobacco package. Before he goes towards the terrace, he takes a quick look to the bed, making sure that Castiel is still sleeping. Dean opens the door slowly to avoid making any sound at all, leaving just a small frame opened for when he comes back to the bedroom.

The chilly air of the night strokes the naked skin of his arms and his face, but Dean has been outside in colder nights. It isn’t a freezing, so he can stand it. He grabs one cigarette and lights it up. The first puff calms him and Dean closes his eyes to feel the intoxicating smoke fill his lungs. He knows it isn’t a healthy habit, but he only smokes a package a year; sometimes not even that. But after growing up with an absent alcoholic father, Dean prefers tobacco before alcohol.

He rests his elbows on the railing and looks at the horizon. This side of the city has a great view even if there are some buildings that hide it.

Dean takes another puff and he sees how the smoke mixes with the mist before it disappears. He keeps his eyes wandering through the landscape of the night, spotting lights and shadows. He looks at the starry sky; there are clouds on it, but there aren’t a lot and they don’t cover the whole beautiful sky. Even the moon shines bright in the darkness. Dean takes another puff and blows it towards the moon, as if it could reach.

Suddenly, Dean hears some steps and he turns his face. Cas is there with his bed hair, rubbing one of his eyes and with an adorable sleepy face. “Hey, what are you doing awake?” Dean asks with a sweet and curious voice.

“Bed was cold,” Castiel mumbles half slept. He stands next to Dean and rests his arms on the railing as well. His eyes notice the cigarette and he looks at Dean with an arched brow. “Didn’t know you smoked.”

“Just when something related with my father happens,” Dean answers shrugging.

“May I?” he asks pointing the package of tobacco Dean’s holding on his other hand.

Dean makes a surprised face; he wasn’t expecting that. But he hands it to Cas, who picks the lighter and one cigarette and lights it up. Even doing that seems sexy. Fucking Cas; he makes ordinary things look attractive. When he takes the first puff, he puts the lighter back in its place.

“You’re a doctor, don’t you know tobacco is bad for you?” Dean teases with an arrogant voice.

“Shut up, Dean,” Castiel says with a smile.

Dean laughs and takes another puff. “I never took you for a smoker.”

“I’ve got a bad boy’s past, Dean,” he begins to say. Dean turns his face to look at him with a cocky and sarcastic face, surprised by Cas’ confession. Castiel chuckles and he bites his lower lip in a playful way. “When I was a teenager, I used to be a bit punk.”

“No way. You are kidding me.” He can’t picture Cas being punk. He is so elegant, so well-educated, there’s no way Cas was a punk. But by the way Cas is looking at him, he’s telling him the truth. “Seriously?”

Castiel laughs. “Seriously.” He nods and takes another puff. The smoke comes out from his mouth easily and sophisticatedly. “Part of my hair was dyed in blue, I used to wear spikes, boots like yours, black tees with safety pins and a lot of black pants, wasted and torn.” Castiel chuckles at that and Dean can see that he is picturing himself. “And sometimes I painted my nails black or I wore eyeliner.”

“Holy fuck,” Dean says. “Tell me you’ve got pictures of that, please.”

Castiel laughs happily. “I think I might have one.” He makes a thoughtful grimace and then, he glances down, in a really sad way. “That phase didn’t last long.”

“What happened?”

“My parents. They didn’t like it. They said that if I kept being like that, they would decide what I should study. So I chose and I got rid of my punk looks.” He explains with a nostalgic voice. After it, he takes another puff of the cigarette. Dean does the same and extinguishes the cigarette.

“Do you miss it?” He flicks the cigarette butt away, not caring where it ends. “Being punk?”

“Sometimes. But I grow up and that punk era is gone for me.” Another puff and Castiel throws his cigarette end away as well. “I got tired of being angry all the time.” He looks at Dean in a nostalgic way and grimaces. “But I still rebel when it is needed.”

“You would have looked pretty awesome and badass being punk,” Dean says amused.

Castiel chuckles and looks shyly at Dean. Then, both of them look away and glance down. There’s a silence in between them before Castiel decides to talk. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”

“Bad dreams about my dad,” Dean answers without moving his eyes. “I just can’t kick him out of my head, you know?” He feels how his voice breaks as he speaks. It is the last thing he fucking needs.

Dean inhales sharply and looks up at the sky. He can see in the corner of his eye that Cas is looking at him with that anxious sight and Dean doesn’t want Cas to look at him like that. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, as if everything related with his father was only a simply headache. But it’s more than that.

Castiel doesn’t say a word and Dean isn’t sure if he should thank him that or if he wants him to say something. Dean clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath. Sooner or later he is going to have to talk about it, doesn’t he? He can’t avoid the topic forever, because it will consume him, like John did every time he reminded Dean what a terrible son he was.

Dean feels his eyes getting wet and hot. Words are stuck in his throat and he can’t and doesn’t want to let them out. Dean mutters a groan and combs his hair in a nervous way. “I just—” Dean begins to say with difficulty. Why is it so hard to talk about his old man? Dean clenches his fist and looks at it. “I’m relieved that he is no longer here, Cas, I’m so fucking relieved. No more fights, no more wounds, no more insults. And when I think about it, that I’m kind of glad that he is gone, I can’t stop thinking,” he turns his face to look at Cas. “Aren’t I a terrible son?”

Castiel makes a sympathetic and sad face. “No, Dean. You aren’t. You aren’t at all.” His voice comes soft and honest.

Dean makes an acid chuckle and turns over, walking to the left side of the terrace, showing his back to Cas. He can’t look at him. “Yeah, sure.” Dean rubs his face and he rests his hand on the railing.

“Dean, that man only caused you pain.” His voice sounds a bit distant, probably because Cas is still standing where he was, in the front side of the balcony. He is giving Dean the space he needs. “I saw how you were every time he called or appeared and he hurt you. All the time. It’s normal to feel relieved because he isn’t going to hurt you anymore.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he says in a whisper. He looks at the sky, looking at the starts and the constellations he doesn’t know the names of. He hears Cas approaching him slowly.

“You told me that you didn’t want him to die,” Castiel whispers. Dean feels him closer this time, but there’s still some important space in between each other.

“I didn’t,” he admits. Cas gets closer and Dean exhales shakily.

“See? You aren’t a terrible son. You wanted your father alive and you wanted to stop feeling hurt every time he appeared or he called you. You even cried when he died and you panicked when I told you he was going to die.”

“I didn’t cry or panic for that,” Dean snaps sharply. “I did it because I didn’t want things to end like that.” Tears finally decide to fall down his face and Dean is too tired to fight against them, so he just lets them out, letting the warm salty tears in his eyes to trace down his face, leaving a cold trace on his skin. “I just needed an explanation from him, to tell me what the fuck I did to be such an awful kid for him.” He sobs. He inhales sharply, and holds the railing tighter, as if he wanted to break it. “Or an apology. Something! I just needed a fucking closure, not this— not—” His voice breaks and Castiel approaches him until there isn’t any space in between them, until his chest and Dean’s back are pressed together and Castiel’s arms are on his chest.

Dean clenches his jaw, trying to get back the control of his voice. He drops the package of tobacco to the floor and his hands come to rest above Castiel’s. He tangles their fingers because he needs it. Dean can’t think right now how intimate and inappropriate it is; right now he doesn’t care and he is sure that Cas doesn’t either. He needs this.

“I wanted him to change, Cas, I wanted him to be who he was before my mother died and he decided to kill himself in alcohol,” Dean manages to say breathy. His chest feels tight, and not because of Cas, because something inside him is clenching in an agonizing way. “And he didn’t— never— and—” He inhales and exhales sharply with every word, as if it cost him a lot of effort to speak out the words. “He died like that, without a fucking explanation, without a fucking apology, he left as if Sammy and I didn’t matter to him.” His sobbing returns and the tears keep falling. He feels like his face is scalding.

Castiel holds him tighter and he presses a kiss on his cheek, all salty because of his tears. Dean squeezes Cas’ hands, trying to thank him this with that gesture, because words seem to be failing him.

Dean keeps crying for a while, with Cas pressed against him and holding him tightly, kissing his face, giving him a lot of warmth and comfort with those small gestures. Castiel presses his forehead on his temple and Dean shivers.

“The thing is that—” Dean takes a deep breath and Castiel kisses his cheek, telling him with it that it is okay, that he is here with him. “After all he has done to me and Sammy, why do I feel as if I was the one who failed my father?”

“Because you wanted to save him,” Castiel answers. His voice wraps Dean gently. “Because you care too much, Dean. And you can’t save everyone.”

Dean lets out a painful whine and Castiel holds him tighter, as if he was afraid of Dean falling down. Frankly, Dean is afraid of that too; his legs are shaking and he isn’t sure how he is still standing.

“I wanted things to be better— I wanted closure—” Dean takes a sharp breath and leans his face on Cas’ temple. “And I didn’t get either,” he murmurs. “I guess I’m not worth enough to get anything of that.”

“Don’t say that Dean. You are full of worth.” Castiel says with a heartbreaking voice. He sounds hurt by Dean’s words. “You deserve more than you have. You are a wonderful person that, unfortunately, has a lot of bad things going on in his life. And you deserve great things, you really deserve them.”

“Cas—” Dean starts to say and he squeezes Cas’ hands. He starts to breathe shakily, feeling as if his lungs weren’t completely full with every breathe he takes.

Castiel realizes about it and he turns Dean over so they are facing. “Dean, breathe with me.” He cups Dean’s face and he presses their foreheads together. “Calmly, okay? Just like I do.” They start to breathe at the same time and Dean looks at those eyes, all anxious but sending warmth, calming him. Those eyes are powerful. “Very good Dean. Don’t worry, I’m here. I’m here with you.”

“I should stop freaking you out this way,” Dean murmurs when he feels he is better.

“Yes, you should.”

Dean chuckles and takes a deep breath. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry. I understand that this isn’t easy.” He strokes Dean’s face and he presses a sweet little kiss on Dean’s lips. “My poor little Dean,” he says with a sad smile. He combs Dean’s hair. “I hate seeing you this bad and knowing I can’t do anything.”

“Cas, you do more than anyone,” Dean says. If it wasn’t for Cas, Dean doesn’t know what he would do. Cas is the only one that avoids the darkness to get into Dean. He always makes him smile in the hardest times. He cups Castiel’s face and kisses him tenderly. “We should go to sleep. Both of us have to wake up early tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you will be able to sleep?” Castiel asks with a doubtful expression on his beautiful face. Until now, Dean didn’t notice how gorgeous Cas is under the moonlight.

“I’ll try.” He kisses Cas again. He should stop, he is acting as if they were boyfriends, and they aren’t. Nevertheless, there’s a part inside Dean that wants to kiss Cas all the time and pretend as if they were boyfriends and not that complicated thing they can’t put a name on.

Dean pulls away and picks his tobacco from the floor. He gets into the bedroom and Castiel follows him. As Dean gets the package of tobacco in his pocket, Castiel gets in the bed. Dean does that and when he is under those warm and soft blankets, Castiel rolls over. He hugs Dean, pressing their chests together. Dean buries his face in Cas’ neck and he fists the back of Cas’ t-shirt, feeling the chill temperature that he acquired during the time he was outside with Dean.

Dean falls asleep easily, feeling safe and feeling how the pain is soon fading away as slumber reaches him. He isn’t sure if the kiss on his forehead is dreamt or not, but he wants to believe that Cas actually kissed him.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions.
> 
> And a big thank you to the wonderful Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) for being my beta.

Dean is in the kitchen preparing dinner. Today is Saturday, which means Dean has to see Cas tonight, and though it’s a couple of hours until dinner, he’s already cooking away. They have a special guest visiting today; Sam has finally invited Jess over. Dean is glad that he’s finally going to meet his little brother’s girlfriend. They saw each other at John’s funeral, but they only exchanged a few words. Tonight is going to be a proper introduction.

He spent the morning baking a pie for Jessica and now he is making his homemade burgers: meat, extra bacon, extra cheese, lettuce and tomato, all of that accompanied with a bunch of French fries.

As he’s peeling the potatoes he sees Sam walking towards the fridge to grab some water. His little brother is a bit nervous. He must feel as if he’s presenting Jess to his parents. In actuality Dean has been more of a father than John, so…

Dean shakes his head a tries to forget about his father. It’s been almost two weeks since he passed away. He’s feeling much better than he was last week, but there’s some remaining pain and rage inside him. He needs to push those thoughts away and stop giving a shit about it. His father is gone, he isn’t coming back and Dean has to carry on with his life.

“Relax, everything will be fine,” Dean says looking at his brother, who is pacing the kitchen restlessly.

“I’m fine,” Sam says and Dean gives him a bitch face. Sam takes a deep breath. “Okay, I’m a bit nervous. As long as you don’t embarrass me, I’ll be good.” He sighs and rests his back against the fridge door.

Dean smirks and he grabs another potato to peel and cut it. “I’m not gonna embarrass you. I’m just gonna tell some funny stories about you that Jess will find really entertaining.”

“Ha, ha, very funny,” Sam snaps making a bitch face too. “You are a dick.”

“I love you too little brother,” he sasses as he makes a sarcastic face. “Are you scared that she finds out that she chose the less good looking brother?”

Sam punches his arm while Dean laughs hysterically. “Fuck you, Dean.” He sounds pissed off, but Dean knows he isn’t as much as he sounds. “Y’know, next time you’ll invite Cas over, I’ll embarrass you.”

“I’m not gonna invite him.” That would mean they are boyfriends and a lot of questions, it would be a really awkward situation. Dean doesn’t want that and he’s sure that Cas doesn’t either. It will imply a lot of lies and Dean has more than enough.

“Why not?” He takes a sip from the bottle after the question and Dean can feel his brother’s mischievous eyes on him. Sam hasn’t been talking about Cas too much lately, but the fucker knows how to drop a bomb once in a while to get some of the answers about Dean’s ‘relationship’.

“Because that would imply that we are boyfriends and we aren’t,” Dean says casually. He is getting better at lying about this in front of people. It doesn’t go that well when it comes to lie to himself.

There’s a knock on the door and Sam runs from the kitchen. Dean chuckles and washes his hands while Sam opens the door. His little brother really, really likes that girl. Dean hears the muffled voices of Sam and Jess and he walks towards them. Both of them are grinning happily.

“Hey, Jess,” Dean greets and he kisses her cheeks in a welcoming way.

“Hi, Dean,” Jess greets with a pretty, happy smile. Sam has told Dean that Jess is always smiling; it is rare to see her with a sad face, she is like a sun with that precious smile. “Sam told me you were going to tell me really embarrassing stories about him; I’m looking forward to hearing them,” she says with an enthusiastic voice.

Dean laughs in a hilarious way while Sam looks at his girlfriend all flushed and kind of glaring her. “Don’t encourage him,” Sam mutters.

“Oh, c’mon, Sam.” She squeezes Sam’s cheeks in a cute and lovely way as she grins brightly. “We all know that’s the reason why girlfriends come to visit her boyfriend’s family. To hear all those wonderful stories.”

“I can tell you a bunch of them while I prepare dinner,” Dean suggests.

“No, don’t you dare to—” Sam starts to say. His face is redder than ever.

“Sam, my parents told you all my embarrassing stories, it’s only fair that I know yours,” Jess says with an obvious face.

“She’s got a point Sammy,” Dean says with a smirk.

“I knew you two were going to get along and try to screw me up.” Sam makes an angry pout and Jess grabs his arm and stands on the tip of her toes to reach Sam’s mouth and press a brief but sweet kiss on his lips. Jess is quite tall, but everyone next to Sam is short. “I know what you are trying to do and it’s not gonna work.”

Jess smiles happily and she kisses Sam again. “You sure?”

“Okay, I’m gonna go to the kitchen, if you are gonna keep doing that, Sam’s bedroom is upstairs,” Dean says. Jess and Sam grab two cushions from the couch and they throw them at Dean. “Hey!”

“See? It’s cooler when you’re on my side,” Sam says to his girlfriend, who chuckles with him.

Dean rolls his eyes and he sighs. “You are really calling up for that story you really hate.”

While Sam looks horrified by that, Jess is hopping in joy. “Tell it Dean! You have to tell me that!” Jess says giggling.

Dean looks at Sam, who is glaring him. “Sorry Sam, but she’s so convincing.”

The three of them walk towards the kitchen. Dean tells the story of how Sam ended up with girl’s clothes in primary school as he makes dinner. Sam and Jess sit on the chairs around the kitchen table, listening attentively to the story. As Dean tells it, he sees how Jess looks at Sam with the most beautiful smile, sympathizing with Sam, whose cheeks are as red as a tomato, but he’s smiling every time Jess holds his hand or looks at him in that beautiful way.

Of course Sam gets his revenge and tells Jess one of those embarrassing stories about Dean, the one when he tried to make some muffins in Bobby’s kitchen and he forgot to cover the mixer. Everything in Bobby’s kitchen was stained with the dough and when Bobby was about to nag him, Dean started to run through the whole house, leaving more stains on the floor and he ended up slipping and hitting himself against a shelf, where an open can on blue paint was, he ended up covered in blue. Jessica laughs hysterically with Sam, and Dean soon joins their laughter.

When dinner is done the three of them start to eat. They don’t talk about embarrassing stories anymore and Dean starts to ask Jessica about a few things. She tells him that she plans on going to Stanford too, to study biology. She also tells him about her family; she is an only child and she lives not too far from here.

“You should invite me here more often if food is going to be this good,” Jessica says when she has already finished the slice of cherry pie that Dean served her.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Dean says.

“You didn’t tell me your brother was such a great chef,” she says looking at Sam with a half surprised and impressed face.

“That’s because you will eat all the pie and you won’t leave me even a single slice,” Sam jokes, something that earns him a punch to his arm from the blonde girl.

“You are an idiot,” she says in a mocking way.

“Not as much as Dean.”

Dean kicks his brother’s leg and Sam jumps a little on the chair. “Shut your fucking mouth, Sam,” Dean says with a serious voice but with a smirk on his face. Jess smiles as she shakes her head, as if she was thinking what a couple of douchebags he and Sam were. Dean simply smiles and he picks up his phone to look at the time. “Oh, fuck!” he says as he stands up.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asks worried.

“I gotta go to work.” It is ten minutes later than he usually leaves. He knows Cas won’t mind, but Dean doesn’t like being late. “Can you guys take care of this?” he asks a bit desperate, pointing at the table.

“Don’t worry, Dean, we will take care,” Jess says with a comforting smile.

“Thanks.” He runs upstairs and he brushes his teeth as fast as he can. He looks at himself in the mirror and checks if he is good. In his opinion he is perfect. Clothes won’t matter too much when he arrives at Cas’ place, but Dean likes to go as perfect as he can.

He runs downstairs and he sees that Jess and Sam are already cleaning the table. “I’m leaving!” Dean yells from the door. “Nice to meet you, Jess!”

“Nice to meet you too, Dean!” Jess shouts. “Have a good night!”

“Bye, Dean!” Sam shouts.

 

This is the sex Dean likes, when he and Cas are pressed together and Dean’s hands are free to touch everywhere. Cas is sitting on the bed and Dean is sitting in his lap, his knees rested on the mattress, riding that cock in steady thrusts. Castiel’s hands are cupping his butt cheeks, nails digging a little into tender skin as Dean keeps rocking his hips in the way that drives the blue eyed man crazy.

Dean tilts his head up, making more room for Castiel’s mouth to suck hickeys on his neck. One of Dean’s hands traces down Castiel’s back, feeling the bones of his spine while his other hand runs through that dark nest of his hair. The feeling of being able to touch Cas with his hands, to feel his skin and how his muscles move under that tanned and soft skin, feeling the warmth that it releases while they fuck, it drives Dean crazy, really crazy.

“Oh fuck—” Dean huffs in a moan when he feels the head of Cas’ cock touching his prostate. He clenches around it and now Castiel is the one who makes a breathless moan.

“Love it when you are so tight,” Castiel moans as his hand goes from Dean’s ass to his hair. “Ah—!” He tilts his head up and Dean seizes the occasion to kiss Cas’ adam’s apple, feeling how it trembles as he swallows. He tightens his grip on Dean’s hair and he presses their foreheads together. “Dean— Dean— Dean—” He moans in a desperate and sweet way.

Dean keeps his rocking back and forth, changing the speed to something slow. Castiel kisses him in a dirty way that makes Dean moan. His hands start to trace down Castiel’s sides, feeling how his skin gets warmer and sweatier and how the muscles tremble under the touch of his hands with every thrust he makes.

After some slow rocking, Dean goes back to the speed he was before, faster but not too much; he will go really fast when he feels that Cas is about to come. He wants both of them to enjoy this as much as they can. Dean keeps rocking his hips, fucking onto that cock, pushing it balls deep and getting it out, just leaving the head of it in his ass and fucking into it again.

Castiel tries to kiss him as much as he can, but their moans break those kisses. Dean’s hands are on the other man’s shoulders, something that helps him ride Cas better, using that grip as support. Castiel’s teeth scrape once again the skin on his freckled neck and Dean moans deliciously. He can feel Castiel’s smirk against his skin the moment he wails his name.

Dean lifts himself up and he fucks onto his cock over and over again, keeping his rhythm. He moans harder the faster he goes and so Cas does. Their breathing is ragged, mixed with the sounds of pleasure that their mouths are letting out.

“Fuck—!” Castiel exclaims as his neck tilts back, as if the moan forced him to do that. “So tight— so good,” he murmurs moaning. Dean feels how Cas scratches his back with every moan.

Dean increases the speed. His legs are hurting a little, but it is worth the feeling of him and Cas pressed together and feeling that cock in his ass. “Holy fuck—! Fuck—! Fuck!” Dean moans desperate as Cas’ cock touches that too-fucking-sweet spot repeatedly.

“Dean—!” He places his hand on Dean’s nape, bringing their faces together, until their foreheads are touching and they are breathing into each other. Dean doesn’t stop his riding for a moment and he holds himself tighter on Cas’ shoulders. “Think you can come without being touched?” he asks hurriedly.

“You know the answer to that.” He breathes out. He knows that Cas is really close to coming; Dean can feel his cock twitching inside him. Dean is close, but not as much as Cas.

“Fuck! Dean!” Castiel moans extremely loud when Dean rides him even faster and he clenches around his cock extremely tight. One of these days the neighbors are going to complain about how noisy they are. “You are so tight.” He breathes out. His nails scratch Dean’s back, as if he was desperate to control what he is feeling.

Dean keeps riding Cas, moaning with him, panting and swearing with him. Cas brings him closer, as much as possible, until their chests are rubbing together and Dean presses himself against Cas. He kisses him before he goes even faster than he thought he could go, and Castiel moans his name loud and hard. The blue eyed man comes and he makes that wonderful and gorgeous face that Dean loves to see, because he knows he is the reason behind it and behind what he is feeling.

Dean rides Cas a couple of times until he finally comes. He moves his hips a little after that by instinct and he feels his weight drop down. Castiel’s fingers brush his hair, right where it starts to grow on the back of his neck. His face is pressed to his temple and Dean can feel his shaky breath caressing his face.

Castiel’s whole body is shaking with every breath he takes. Dean places his hands on Cas’ blades and he realizes that he is gasping for breath too. Every time he comes, it feels as if Cas has left him breathless and he doesn’t need to breathe anymore.

“That was really good,” Castiel starts to say in between his raggedy breathings. “It was extraordinarily good.”

“Fuck, yeah.” Dean breathes out and Castiel chuckles. He presses a brief kiss to Dean’s jaw after it, but he doesn’t pull his face away from his. He even gets his face closer. “I don’t know why you are this exhausted; I did all the work,” Dean teases.

“Fuck you, Dean,” he snaps with a beautiful smile.

“You already did that.”

“Assbutt.”

Dean laughs and he turns his face so he can kiss Castiel’s lips. He glances at Cas after that; his eyelids are almost hiding his blue eyes, his cheeks are all flushed, his lips are swollen and there are locks of sweaty hair stuck to his forehead. Dean smiles at that picture and kisses Cas again. “I’m proud that I left you exhausted.”

“You are so cocky tonight.” He looks directly at Dean as he arches one eyebrow. His smile is full of sass.

“I’m always cocky.”

“Yes, that’s true.” He chuckles and he kisses Dean. “You do know that my cock is still in your ass, right?”

Dean hums in agreement. “I do.” He knows that Cas is about to ask something, but he kisses him briefly. “Like to feel your cock in my ass.” With that, Castiel blushes deeply and Dean can’t help the happy smile his own lips draw. “So cute when you blush.”

“I hate you so much.”

“Oh yeah? You do?” he asks really sassy.

Castiel makes a grimace and he manages to push Dean down onto the mattress and get his cock out of Dean, who whines. In an instant, Castiel is above him with a mischievous face. His hands come to grab his wrists to pin him down. “You are insufferable.”

“But you like it.”

Castiel smiles and rolls his eyes. “I’m going to clean the mess of your come,” he simply says pulling away.

As he walks towards the bin to throw the condom away, Dean looks at Cas with a nostalgic smile on his face. He can’t help comparing what they have just done, being two teasing assholes with each other with how Sam and Jess were tonight. Sometimes Dean feels like he and Cas are a couple. But this is completely different; he’s the only one with feelings in this situation and they can’t have what Sam and Jess do.

It is incredible to think how big Sam has gotten. He has a girlfriend and soon he’ll go to California to study law. And if everything goes well, Sam will marry Jess. He knows it is too soon, but by the way both of them were looking at each other, he knows that she is the right girl for Sam. His brother would be stupid if he ever loses that girl; she is perfect for him and so wonderful.

“Okay, what’s going on in your head?” Castiel asks.

Dean shakes his head shocked. Cas is already lying aside, next to Dean. He has already cleaned the mess of Dean’s come on both of their bellies too. He’s been thinking for too long. “Nothing,” Dean simply says.

Castiel props on his elbow and approaches Dean a little bit more. “We both know that you are a better liar than that,” he sasses. Dean rolls his eyes and he makes a tiny grin. “What’s wrong, Dean?” He sounds really worried. “Is it about your father?”

“No, it’s not about him,” he says with a comforting smile.

“Then?”

Dean clenches his jaw and turns his face to look at Cas. He always looks so beautiful when he’s naked and lounging on the bed after sex. Dean likes when they are lying together after sharing some awesome sex. He has never had this with any other client. He has never had or felt anything like this with anyone who wasn’t Cas.

“Tonight I met Sam’s girlfriend, Jess,” Dean begins to say. He always tries to avoid talking, but when it comes to it, he can talk to Cas about anything, except about the feelings he has for him. Talking is easy and it helps him a lot. It feels as if a heavy load was dropped off and Dean doesn’t have to carry it anymore. “I met her at the funeral, but y’know, it wasn’t a proper introduction.” He shrugs and Castiel nods.

“You didn’t like her?” Castiel asks with a confused frown.

“I liked her,” he says smiling, which makes Castiel’s confused look intensify. “She’s wonderful and perfect,” he explains with a happy smile. “And I know that she loves Sammy and he loves her. They’re perfect for each other.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Dean takes a deep breath. “That Sammy is growing up so fucking fast.” He looks down, avoiding Cas’ eyes and Dean makes a sad grimace. “I’ve been taking care of him all my life, he’s my little brother and I don’t think I’ll be able to stop taking care of him.” His eyes go back to stare Castiel’s. “I know that he has all the right to have his life, he deserves it a lot, but he is growing up so fast and I don’t think I’m ready to let him go yet, y’know? He is capable of having his own life, but— I don’t know how I’m gonna take it.” He inhales sharply and he looks at the pillow, almost closing his eyes. He bites his lip guiltily, feeling as if he was the worst brother ever. “I’m scared that he will leave me forever.”

Castiel starts to comb Dean’s hair in a soothing and sweet way and Dean relaxes immediately with that touch. “He is not going to leave you forever, Dean,” he says with a convincing voice.

“And how are you so sure?” He looks into Castiel’s eyes, looking for the truth in them.

“Because I know he cares about you a lot. You are his brother, the one who took care of him when nobody else did,” Castiel starts to say with an honest voice. As he speaks, he keeps combing Dean’s hair in that calming and wonderful way, which makes Dean feel loved and cared for. “He may leave town and live somewhere else, but he will never leave you, Dean. He will always come visit you and he will call you every time he can. He may have his own life, but you will still be a big part of it.”

Dean feels his eyes getting glassy and hot with tears, but he doesn’t want to let them out. What Cas said touched Dean. Just the idea of Sam being there always, even if he is fucking far, it calms him. Dean was aware of that, but hearing it from someone else reassures him, it makes it seem real.

“I don’t know Sam as well as you do, but I do know that he loves you, and there’s no one like his big brother,” Castiel adds with a cute smile.

“It’s great to hear that, Cas,” Dean says with a smile. He leans over to kiss Castiel’s lips briefly to thank him his words. “Sorry I’ve being so touchy lately.”

“You make me want to ask who are you and what you have done to Dean Winchester,” he comments with some sass in his voice that it is soon followed by his pretty chuckle. Dean chuckles too. “Don’t worry, he will never leave you, Dean.”

“I know, Cas. It’s just that he’s my family, the only one left. I don’t want to lose him. He’s everything that’s left for me.” He knows he has his friends and Cas, but Sam is all the family left for him. It has been like that since he was four and Dean doesn’t want to lose his little brother. He knows he is panicking for stupid reasons, but Dean has a huge fear of loss. “I’m being stupid, right?”

Castiel’s thumb caresses his cheekbone while his other fingers are on Dean’s hair. He makes a tiny but beautiful smile. “No. You are just being the big brother.” He kisses Dean tenderly and slowly.

As they kiss, Dean thinks again that this is what couples do, one talks about what troubles him and the other listens and comforts him. This isn’t the first time they have done this and Dean knows it won’t be the last. It’s been a long time since Dean started to want to do more things with Cas aside from sex; lying together, talking, kissing once in a while, without wanting to do anything else. Every time they do anything like that, it feels so fucking great.

When they pull away, they look at each other’s eyes; Castiel’s seem to be trying to stare into his soul and Dean isn’t sure what Castiel would think about him if he could see into it, if he could see all those things he feels about him. He isn’t sure if he wants to know what his reaction would be.

Castiel kisses him again and Dean rolls over, lying aside him. He embraces Castiel and spreads his fingers through the small of Castiel’s back, trying to ignore the fact that this isn’t what he should be doing, that this is just business with some friendship in between; Castiel told him before that he was a better liar and Dean can’t lie to himself. He tries so hard, but he can’t. But he must.

“You are still over thinking,” Castiel murmurs. His fingers brush the hair that starts to grow on Dean’s forehead.

“How do you know?” Dean whispers; he is scared of breaking this moment if he talks any louder.

“Your eyes.” His thumb touches the corner of Dean’s eye. “They are so expressive. They tell more than you think.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah.” He strokes Castiel’s back lazily.

“Everything is going to be fine, Dean.”

No, it’s not. Dean knows it well. Nothing in his life stays fine. Sooner or later something collapses and it fucks Dean up. He could say that out loud, but he remains silent. Even if he doesn’t say a word, Castiel seems to guess that Dean doesn’t agree with his affirmation.

Castiel nuzzles his jaw and he presses a kiss, then he sighs. “Do you want me to make you forget?” Castiel asks in a soft whisper. Dean looks directly at Castiel’s eyes. He climbs onto him and he cups his face before he kisses Dean in a tender and breathtaking way. “Do you really want me to make you forget all that crap you have in your head, Dean?”

Dean isn’t sure if he is breathing at all. He places his hands above Cas’, caressing them gently. “Make me forget, Cas.”

Castiel nods and he kisses Dean in that tender and sweet way. He wants Cas to make him forget, to make him feel as if he was somewhere else, far away from this life, from all his problems, where it is only he and Cas.

After that kiss, Castiel starts to trace down Dean’s body with his mouth, pressing sweet and wet kisses. His chin, his neck, his collarbone, his chest, his tummy… Castiel goes downer, leaving a trace of kisses on Dean’s skin as his hands travel along his sides, fingers brushing his warm skin, following the curves of his freckled body.

Castiel starts to kiss the head of Dean’s cock; the tip of his tongue licks it gently, just a small gesture to taste it. Dean looks down at Cas, who is looking at him through his eyelashes. His eyes are filled with lust and warmth. He finally takes him in his mouth and Dean presses his head on the pillow, swearing as Castiel’s mouth and tongue work on his shaft.

Dean’s hands don’t hesitate to reach Castiel’s head, his fingers being buried by the dark hair. He puffs, groans and moans, letting out a swear or Castiel’s name, depending of what his throat feels like. Castiel’s hands are on his hipbones, keeping him in place as he keeps sucking his cock. Dean rocks gently his hips, fucking into his mouth slowly, pushing his cock until it hits Cas’ throat, which makes the blue eyed man moan around his cock in a really satisfying way.

Dean gasps when Castiel blows him faster and deeper. His head start to bob quickly and steady. He feels how those lips press tighter around his cock and how that talented tongue swirls along his shaft. Dean digs his fingers in Castiel’s scalp and he bends his knees, spreading his legs wider and curling his toes at the pleasure Castiel is giving him.

Castiel sucks in deeper and Dean comes in his mouth. His breathing is chocked and his chest goes up and down really quick, but he feels too fucking awesome after the blowjob.

Castiel pulls away with a wet and obscene sound and he is soon lying above Dean, who opens his eyes when he feels Cas’ body above his. Cas’ lips and chin are painted in white with his come, something that makes Dean smile happily, and it seems that it makes Cas happy too by that grin he is giving him. He licks the come from his lips in a really sexy way and Dean can’t resist drawing him into a kiss and tasting those wonderful lips with the taste of his come. With his tongue, he licks the remainder on Cas’ tongue, which tickles the blue eyed man a little by the way he is giggling. Castiel kisses him passionately after that.

“You feel better?” Castiel asks. With his eyes he looks at Dean, trying to see in his face if the answer he is going to give him is a lie or a truth. As he does that, his hand combs Dean’s hair lazily but tenderly.

“Oh yeah, blowjobs always cheer me up,” Dean says with a smirk before kissing Cas.

Castiel chuckles. “Good.” He presses a kiss on Dean’s lips. “I should better switch off the lights so we can sleep.” He starts to move away, but Dean grabs his wrist in a needy way. He didn’t do it on purpose, it was unconsciously. Castiel looks at him with a confused and worried glance that goes from Dean’s hand to his face. “Dean, what’s wrong?”

Dean doesn’t know. He wants to tell Cas to stay, to be with him right now. Cas is only going to turn the lights off, he isn’t going anywhere. Dean feels so stupid right now. He doesn’t want Cas to leave him. It’s just a moment, Cas is going to be back in bed in less than a minute, why is he feeling this sudden feeling of loss?

“Dean?” Castiel asks worried as his hand caresses Dean’s face.

Words are stuck in his throat. Dean isn’t sure if he is the one keeping them there or if it is because he can’t let them out. Castiel seems more concerned as time passes and Dean can’t say a word. He looks at his hand, still holding Cas’ wrist, avoiding him to go. With his thumb, he caresses Cas’ skin.

“Can you hold me tonight?” Dean asks. He sounds so broken, so small and he hates it. Lately, he’s always like that with Cas, he hates it. He doesn’t want to screw things up and he is definitely doing it. Cas is going to get tired of this sappy side of Dean.

“Of course I can,” Castiel says with his sweetest voice. He leans to press a kiss on Dean’s forehead. “Just let me switch off the lights, okay?” His lips brush his forehead and Dean wants to cry.

Dean nods and releases Castiel’s wrist. He turns off the lights quickly and he gets in bed with Dean. His arms are soon embracing Dean, holding him tightly, bringing their chests together. Dean feels as if he can finally breathe when he places his arms around Cas.

“Are you sure you are okay, Dean?” Castiel asks in a soft whisper.

No, he is not okay. He has never been okay. He isn’t sure if he is going to be okay ever. There are too many changes in his life, too many things he can’t fully understand, too many responsibilities and he doesn’t know what to do. He is broken. “Yeah,” Dean says weakly. “I just need some rest and forget about everything.”

“I thought that I made you forget.”

“And you did, and pretty good, I must say.” He makes a smile and he hears a soft shy chuckle coming from Cas. “It’s only that—” He inhales sharply. “I need this,” he confesses. Although he should have said ‘I need you’.

“Me too.” Castiel kisses Dean’s lips in a fondly way.

And Dean smiles with that, because Cas needs to feel Dean this way too. “Goodnight, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions.
> 
> And a big thank you to the wonderful Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) for being my beta.

“I gotta tell you, when you said you had something different in mind for tonight, I wasn’t expecting this,” Dean says with a smile. He hears Castiel’s pretty chuckle behind him.

“If you don’t want me to do this, I can stop,” Castiel says as he leans his chin on Dean’s shoulder. Dean turns his face to see that not-so-innocent face Cas makes and he smirks.

“It would be a shame to left the painting half done.”

Castiel told Dean that he wanted to paint his back with watercolor and Dean agreed. He was expecting Cas to tell him something completely different from this, but the truth is that he’s really glad that Cas is painting his back. It’s the first time that somebody has painted him and it is a bit odd but he likes it.

They are in the living room, both of them sitting on the floor. Dean can feel the soft touch of the carpet that covers the floor on his skin. He’s showing his back to Castiel, who is painting a landscape on Dean. He doesn’t know what Cas is painting exactly, but he can tell by the brushstrokes he feels on his back that it is a bit laborious.

“Aren’t my freckles a bit of an impediment to the painting?” Dean asks confused. He turns his face to take a peek of what Cas is painting, but Cas turns his face away with his free hand as he smiles.

“No. Maybe when it comes to lighter colors, but I’m painting your back, you can’t expect a spotless canvas,” Castiel explains. Dean shivers a little when Cas moves the brush, tickling him. “Seriously? This tickles you?” he asks in a mocking way.

“Yeah, it does!”

Castiel giggles and presses a kiss on Dean’s nape. “You are so delicate sometimes.”

“Do you want the canvas to walk away or what?” he threatens cockily, turning his face to show Cas that he is talking seriously.

Once again, Castiel rests his chin on Dean’s shoulder, but this time, he also places his left hand on Dean’s chest, stroking it in a gentle but in an arousing way. “Are you sure you want to try that Dean?”

“What are you gonna do?” His lips draw a cockier smile and he knows his face is emanating smugness. “Tie me? You know that kind of turns me on.”

“Well, how about fucking you without touching your prostate so I can frustrate you?”

“You are evil sometimes.”

Castiel chuckles and he kisses Dean. It is a wet but sweet kiss and both of them are smiling during it. “You kind of like it when I’m a little evil.”

“Yeah, because you’re even hotter.” He steals another kiss from those pink, tempting lips. Sometimes Dean thinks those lips are out of this world. “But not too evil.” He kisses Cas again, feeling his soft laughter in it.

Castiel smiles and pulls away, getting back to paint Dean, who feels how the brush moves with the blend of water and watercolor. Cas is delicate but firm with every brushstroke. And whenever he manages to take a look at Cas and the masterpiece he is painting on his back, Dean can see that Cas is really enthusiastic with the brush. It makes him really happy.

“Will it last long?” Dean asks. “Y’know, the watercolor on my back.”

“No. The moment you shower it will fade away. And I’m quite sure that your sweat will make it fade away as well,” Castiel answers without stopping the brushstrokes.

Dean makes a disappointed sound. “That’s a shame.”

“Why? Do you want it to be permanent?” he asks. Dean can’t see him, but he knows that Cas must be making his usual confused frown; eyes squeezed and brows knitted together.

“Not permanent, but it would have been cool to keep it for a week or so.” The idea of carrying one of Cas’ paintings on his back for a couple of days would have been awesome.

“Really?”

“Really.” Dean turns his face to show Cas his honest smile. It earns him a cute blush from the blue eyed man.

“I think you are overrating me, Dean,” he says with a really shy voice.

“I’m not, and you know it. Have you actually looked at your paintings, Cas? They are fucking awesome.” He knows that Cas is talented. Dean has looked at the watercolor paintings over and over again and he is always amazed by them. Castiel is a really great painter, but he doesn’t seem to realize about it. “If I ever get a tattoo, I would ask you to design it.”

“Are you serious?” He sounds impressed by that, as if he didn’t fully believe Dean.

“Yeah. I don’t know what I would get, but I’ll ask you to draw it. If you don’t mind.”

“You know, I wanted to have a tattoo,” he begins to tell. Dean turns his face shocked by that. Cas with a tattoo? No way, he can’t picture it. Although Cas confessed that he used to be punk for a period of time, so he can expect the tattoo thing. “Don’t look at me like that. Tattoos are awesome.”

“What did you wanted to get inked?” He is really curious about that.

“Wings,” he answers flushing really quickly. He turns to show Dean his back. “Wings that went from the spine,” he presses his finger on the middle of his spine and then he moves it, tracing his blades, his shoulders and he stops at his elbow. “To the elbow. Big black wings.”

Castiel turns to face Dean’s back again and Dean looks at him with wide eyes. Cas with that tattoo would be so fucking awesome and hot. “You gotta do that Cas, that would be so fucking awesome. Holy shit, you need to get those wings inked.” He really needs Cas to do that.

Castiel chuckles. “I’m not going to do it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t picture myself with them.”

“I’m picturing you right now with those wings and I’m telling you, you look so fucking gorgeous and badass.” He has the picture in his mind of Cas with those tattooed wings and it leaves him breathless.

Castiel blushes and chuckles. “Not happening Dean,” he says as he keeps painting the back. “And it is really expensive.”

“You can afford to pay me more than five hundred dollars per night and you can’t afford a tattoo? Seriously?” he says with a sassy voice.

He realizes that he shouldn’t have said that the moment that he feels the brush has stopped moving. Castiel doesn’t say a word and Dean isn’t sure why. Maybe Cas sometimes feels as if they weren’t a client and a whore. Dean isn’t sure and right now he doesn’t want to ask. It hurts him to remember that after all, he is Cas’ whore.

“Can I ask you something Dean?” Castiel says after a while. The brush starts to move again, now it is placed on his spine.

“Yeah,” Dean says. He is expecting any question from Cas, but he isn’t expecting the one he is about to hear.

“Do you like working as a prostitute?”

Dean feels how a shiver runs down his body, but he doesn’t shake at all. His heart feels a sudden puncture with that question. He looks down and he takes a deep breath. He wants to be honest about it. “I didn’t like it too much when some clients were rough with me. Sometimes it was nice, but that was on rare occasions,” he starts to say. He feels so exposed talking about this. He is already naked, but he feels even more naked as he talks about this. “But I kept doing it because it was the easiest and fastest way to earn a big amount of money. It was just another job. And it was always the same; being fucked by strangers. Sometimes I enjoyed it, but most of the time, I was a simply toy for them.” He hasn’t told this to anyone; Cas is the first one who knows about this. “But I like it now.” He turns his face to look at Cas. He knows he is all flushed and his face is showing his insecurity, but he doesn’t care.

“Because of me?” Castiel asks in a sad voice.

“Yeah. Not only because the sex, which is really awesome and painless.” He makes a nervous and shy smile and Castiel mirrors it. “But also because I like being with you, Cas.” He should say that he has strong feelings for Cas, but he keeps it to himself.

Castiel hides his eyes from Dean’s and he keeps painting, trying to run away from this awkward conversation. Dean turns his face to look at the library. As he looks at it, a question is scratching in his head, craving for escaping through his mouth.

“Can I ask you something too, Cas?” Dean finally says.

“After the question I made, it’s fair,” Castiel says with a tender voice.

“You are an awesome person; you are intelligent, talented, handsome, nice and funny, anybody would love to date you, why do you need to hire a whore?”

Castiel takes a deep breath. “Because it eases things,” he says with a weak voice. “I’m not precisely good when it comes to flirting and I’m really awkward. And when it comes to relationships and feelings, I’m worse. I don’t know how to understand myself and much less the other person and I end up screwing things up. This thing you and me have, takes away all those complications and all those feelings I can’t understand.”

Dean nods. He feels as if he was being stabbed with those last words. This thing they have takes away all the feelings. He was stupid for thinking that Cas could have feelings for him. Although, Cas could be lying; he isn’t sure. By the way they have been lately, all those times they have made love, how they have talked to each other, it feels as if Cas could have some tiny feelings for Dean.

He’s rambling about it. Castiel would be insane to have feelings for someone like Dean. No one in this world would want Dean; a fucking whore who can’t keep himself together and has feelings for a client. He is so unworthy.

“Okay, we managed to bring the mood down,” Castiel says a bit annoyed. “Do you have any idea about how to stop being so depressed?” he asks needily.

“Dunno,” Dean says shrugging. Right now he feels like shit. And he knows that nothing can make him stop thinking about everything and feeling really bad.

“Oh no,” Castiel says. He walks on his knees until he is in front of Dean, who looks at him with a confused but broken sight. “What did I say that hurt you?” He sounds so hurt about it.

“Nothing, Cas,” Dean says shaking his head and trying so desperately to run away from that sad and hurt look.

But Castiel cups his face and forces Dean to look at him, he knows that Dean is feeling hurt. Dean can see his blue eyes are glassy, holding tears. Why is Cas like that? Dean is just a whore; he shouldn’t care about him. “Dean, please tell me.”

“I told you it’s nothing.” He hates sounding this hurt and small. It makes him look so needy, weak and pathetic.

“It is obviously something!” The exclamation comes in frustration and Castiel presses their foreheads together as his thumbs caress Dean’s cheekbones. “I can tell that I said something that upset you. Tell me what, Dean. Please.”

Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He could tell Cas the truth, but that would make things get worse. He doesn’t have the guts to confess him anything, he isn’t sure if he will ever be able to finally tell Cas everything. He opens his eyes and he lets himself sink in that blue ocean, seeing how sad and worried those eyes are.

“Am I just a whore to you?” Dean questions with a trembling voice.

“Of course not. How can you think so?” Castiel asks. Dean narrows his eyes and Castiel knows that he doesn’t fully understand. “You aren’t just a prostitute to me, Dean. You are a friend. I know I pay to have sex with you, but—” He takes a deep breath. “It is a messy friendship what we have.” By the way he is looking at Dean, he can tell that he is being honest. “Am I just a client to you?”

“No, Cas,” Dean says shaking his head. Castiel is more than a friend to Dean. “You are a friend.” He makes an honest smile, trying to hide as well as he can any sign that reveals that Cas is beyond than a friend to him.

Castiel nods and he kisses Dean in a needy and lovely way. It makes Dean’s heart skip some beats. He holds Castiel with his arms, pressing him impossibly closer. It is good to know that he isn’t just a whore for Cas. But he doesn’t know why it still hurts.

“I’m sorry that any of the words I said hurt you like this. I’m terribly sorry Dean.” Castiel’s voice is heartbreaking and full of regret. He takes a shaky breath and closes his eyes as his lips brush Dean’s.

“Don’t worry. I’m a drama queen,” Dean jokes.

“You are an assbutt,” he says with a tiny smile and Dean smiles too. They look at each other, trying to say words they can’t say, but no one of them seems to be able to understand each other’s voices. “Do you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive Cas.” He cups Castiel’s face with one hand and he kisses him in longingly. If he could only tell him with a kiss all those words and feelings he can’t let out…

“Dean—”

“Cas, it’s okay, don’t worry.” He makes one of his most charming smiles. He can’t help wondering why Cas still cares so much about him and why he seems so touched when Dean feels like shit. He hates seeing Cas that hurt and that sad. He shouldn’t get attached to Dean; it will only bring him pain. Dean kisses him, trying to kiss him happily and he feels how Cas relaxes slightly on it. “I still want you to paint my back. You’ve got me intrigued with what you’re painting.”

Castiel rolls his eyes but he smiles. He inhales a bit sharply and he combs Dean’s hair, watching the movement of his hand. “There’s no one like you.” His eyes go back to Dean, who doesn’t know why Cas is saying that.

“There aren’t more assbutts like me out there?” he sasses with a smirk. This is how he always gets away from all those moments; by being a joking idiot. And it always works.

“No.” He draws Dean closer and they kiss in a sweet way. When they pull away, Castiel looks at Dean as if he wanted to tell him something important, but he only smiles and kisses him again. He sighs before he speaks, “What would I do without you?” he asks with the fondest look he has. Dean doesn’t fight the happy smile that appears on his lips. Castiel kisses him again brightly. “I better keep painting your back,” he says moving away until he is behind Dean.

Dean soon feels the brush on his back and he feels as if he could breathe again. He wants to cry, but he is holding his tears so hard. He isn’t going to let any of them fall. Cas can’t see him crying; it will lead to more questions, more lies and Dean is tired of that tonight. He only wants to get back to where they were, before they asked those stupid questions.

Dean knows he should say something to make the situation less tense, so he starts to talk. “Y’know, I truly think you should get that wing tattoo.” His voice comes shyly but it doesn’t sound as heartbreaking as before.

“It’s not happening Dean,” Castiel says with some harshness in his voice. Then, he rests his chin on Dean’s shoulder again and Dean turns his face to see him. Despite sounding so harsh, his face is all sweetness. “Why do you want me to get that apart from the fact that you find it arousing?”

Dean chuckles. “You are kind of an angel,” he says. Those words make Castiel frown bewilderedly. “The wings will suit you. It will make you more of an angel.”

“Why do you think I’m kind of an angel?”

“For starters, your name; you told me that you were named after an angel,” Dean starts to explain. Castiel told him that a long time ago, in one of those first months they started this agreement. Dean always wondered about Cas’ name, why it was that weird, and he explained him. “And you’ve got an angel face. Mostly because of those baby blues and that sweet face you do when you smile or you blush.”

“Are you trying to see how many shades of red my face can get?” Castiel says really embarrassed and flushing quickly. Soon, the blush arrives to his ears and Dean grins brightly, all gums and teeth.

Dean chuckles and he kisses Cas tenderly. “You are an angel, Cas. You’ve got the looks.”

“Stop that. You are embarrassing me,” he says with a high pitched voice and pulling away. Dean laughs. “Do you find this hilarious?”

“No, I don’t. But I find it funny how easy you blush and how timid you get when I compliment you.”

“You do?” He sounds really sassy and Dean turns his face to see Cas. Dean knows that Cas is up to something; that mischievous smile is yelling it. “You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen Dean.”

“No. Stop,” Dean says with warning eyes, but Castiel’s smile only gets bigger.

“Your beauty is so magnificent that no one in this world will be able to represent that beauty perfectly; it will never be enough, it will never be accurate enough, because your beauty is so majesty, that it is impossible to recreate it with words or with colors.”

“I’m hating you a lot right now,” Dean mutters with an angry pout and blushing slowly. He can feel how the temperature in his cheeks is raising and it is spreading on the rest of his face.

“I’m just starting, Dean,” Castiel says bending a little so he can approach Dean. They look at each other’s eyes; Dean’s are filled with anger and embarrassment while Castiel’s are filled with praising and admiration. “Your eyes are so gorgeous that all the gems in the world envy them. Even the brightest star in the universe is jealous of your eyes, because they shine so bright that any light coming from any star can’t compare to the green light of your eyes. Not even the forests are so green, so deep, so beautiful.”

Dean isn’t used to be praised. He hates it. He is too used to hear bad things about himself, that when someone actually says something good about him, it feels wrong. But those words Castiel is saying are filled with admiration and honesty and Dean doesn’t know how to feel about it.

“You have galaxies of freckles on your skin, making their own constellations, as if they were part of a beautiful sky. I could spend hours looking at them, trying to count even the tiniest of them, kissing them with all the admiration each deserves.” The hand that isn’t holding the brush caresses Dean’s arm, fingers stroking in a gently way the path the freckles make in that part of his skin. “Your lips are made of ambrosia. And when my lips are touching yours, if feels as if I’m tasting the forbidden fruit that only the gods could taste. And—”

Dean interrupts him by kissing him. It is a desperate kiss. All those words were too fucking beautiful. But Dean knows he doesn’t deserve such praising. He doesn’t deserve Cas’ kind words. He isn’t worth of them.

“Enough,” Dean says in a serious voice.

“You can’t call me an angel and expect me not to fight back,” Castiel says with a cocky smile. He keeps painting Dean’s back after that.

“But I didn’t recite poetry,” Dean snaps. He isn’t going to forget Cas’ words easily. They sounded beautiful with that sweet voice Cas was talking with.

“It wasn’t poetry.”

“Are you sure? Because it sounded like it.” When he turns to stare at Cas, he can see that timid smile on his lips, accompanied with a soft blush.

“I’m not a poet.”

“Yeah, you are. And an artist.”

“I thought we were even with the praising,” Castiel snaps and Dean laughs.

“You think so? You are the one who made poetry, I just called you an angel. I don’t see the fairness on that.”

“Sometimes I forget what an assbutt you are.”

Dean laughs louder with that and Castiel joins his laughter too. Dean loves when Cas calls him assbutt. He knows it is supposed to be an insult, but sometimes Cas doesn’t say it like that. It is a pet name he only uses with Dean, who feels special every time he calls him that. Because it is only for Dean.

They don’t praise each other anymore. They talk about anything that doesn’t have to do with praising or their messy relationship. Castiel keeps painting as they talk. Dean is dying to know what he is painting on his back; it seems to be a very detailed painting by how many brushstrokes is taking him.

“Done,” Castiel says finally. “Do you want me to take a picture of it so you can see it properly?” he asks as he grabs the watercolors and the brush and puts them on the table.

“Yeah. My phone is in one of my jeans’ pockets,” Dean says enthusiastically and eagerly. He really wants to see it. He turns his face to stare at his back, but he only manages to see a few colors on his back, without knowing what they are.

Castiel walks towards the jeans and grabs Dean’s phone. He hands it to Dean to unlock it and then, he grabs it again and he places himself behind Dean. There’s the usual sound his mobile makes when a photo is taken and Castiel hands him the mobile to look at the photo. “Here it is.”

Dean’s jaw drops open when he sees it. Castiel drew an incredible Japanese garden on his back. There are maples, cherry trees, willows, flowers, a river, a beautiful bridge and a pretty small fountain. There are colors everywhere and it is so fucking beautiful.

“Do you like it?” Castiel asks shyly.

“I love it,” Dean says speechless. “It’s so fucking beautiful, Cas.” He stands up and Castiel looks at him confused. “I’m gonna look at it in your bathroom’s mirror.” He saves the phone and he runs towards the bathroom. When he switches the lights on and he turns over to show his back to the mirror, he can appreciate the painting better. It is the most beautiful painting he has ever seen.

Castiel appears and he rests his shoulder on the doorpost, looking at Dean with a tiny, shy but satisfactory smile. “I can tell that you were telling me the truth. You do love it.”

“Cas, it’s awesome. It’s a shame it is going to be on my skin for so little time.” His eyes keep wandering along the mirror, looking at every small detail of the painting. “I love it.” He looks at Castiel, who is smiling in a beautiful way. “It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you, Dean.” He walks towards Dean and he kisses him fondly. When he pulls away he looks at the mirror to see the painting too. “I like it too.”

“The artist is finally happy with his masterpiece?” Dean sasses; something that earns him a punch on his biceps, but he laughs at that. Castiel rolls his eyes and then, he kisses Dean’s shoulder. Soon, Castiel’s mouth starts to move up, kissing Dean’s neck, leaving a few hickeys on the way. Dean closes his eyes and starts to gasp. “Cas—”

Finally, Castiel arrives to his mouth and they kiss in a fervent and passionate way. Their teeth click and their tongues swirl together. Both of them run of air easily and they stop to take some air. Dean’s hands are soon taking off all those stupid clothes Castiel is wearing, which avoid the maddening sensation of skin against skin.

It doesn’t take Dean too long to get Cas completely naked. Castiel gets impossibly closer when there aren’t any clothes in between them. His arms are around Dean’s neck and they don’t stop kissing for a moment. Dean’s hands are tracing down Castiel’s back; he will never get tired of touching that back ever.

Their hard cocks are rubbing with every slight rock their hips make, but they don’t stop kissing or touching each other. Castiel pulls away and he looks at Dean with lust in his eyes. “Turn over,” he says.

Dean complies and he turns over. He is now facing the mirror. He sees that Cas opens one drawer and he gets a condom and lube. He starts to finger Dean, opening him as he bites the tender skin of Dean’s neck, leaving some bruises. Dean closes his eyes and moans, fucking into Cas’ fingers and tilting his head to one side so Castiel can have a better access to his neck.

Dean is loosening easily and quickly and Castiel pushes his cock inside him as delicate as always, waiting for Dean to adjust to him. After all this time fucking together, Dean is more than used to it. It takes him just a small period of time to adjust.

Castiel fucks him hard but keeps his thrusts sweet. Dean has to place one hand on the sink and the other on Cas’ butt cheek, digging his nails in that tender skin. Castiel’s hips collide with Dean’s with every thrust, getting balls deep every time, hitting that sweet spot over and over again. Dean bends over the sink and moans desperate, wanting more, wanting to be even closer to Castiel.

When Dean opens his eyes for a moment, he can see his face in the mirror, all flushed and filled with pleasure. Castiel is like him. His lips are parted too, like Dean’s. He keeps fucking him with steady thrusts and his whole body trembles when Dean clenches around his cock. Castiel’s moan echoes loudly, hitting the walls of the bathroom.

Castiel leans over Dean, without stopping for a moment those wonderful thrusts that have Dean rocking and trembling and clenching. He presses a few kisses on Dean’s nape. His mouth presses on Dean’s ear, hot breathing caressing the delicate skin every time he moans Dean’s name.

“Dean—” Castiel starts to say. “Open your eyes.”

Dean does so. He opens his eyes and he looks at both of them. They are naked, all flushed, all sweaty, pressed together, having sex, being just one, breathing heavily in choky pants. Castiel looks so fucking beautiful like that. One of his hands goes towards the hand Dean has on the sink. He places it above Dean’s. His fingers brush the hand, as if he wanted to hold it, to intertwine their fingers, but he doesn’t.

Dean closes his eyes and moans Cas’ name really loud as he fucks him harder and faster. Cas’ other hand goes to his cock and he starts to caress it with steady movements, jerking him off gloriously. Dean comes and Castiel does too a few seconds after him. Their bodies are boneless and they leave the weight of their bodies to drop them down.

Castiel’s warm breathing strokes Dean’s sweaty skin. He can feel Cas’ chest heaving on his back. He opens his eyes a little to look in the mirror and see how pretty Cas looks all exhausted after sex. He can also see that there’s some watercolor on his chest.

Cas presses a kiss on the back of Dean’s neck and he pulls out of him. Dean hates the loss of warmth and the feeling of being full. He loves when he can’t tell where his body ends and where Cas’ starts.

“Some paint is blurred,” Castiel murmurs with a grimace and he sounds sad.

Dean takes a deep breath and he shoves his back to the mirror. Some parts of the painting are still perfect, but not all of them. Most of it is blurred. “Too bad,” Dean says sadly.

“Yeah.” Castiel starts to clean Dean’s come from his belly and he watches him; Cas does it so gently, as if Dean was going to break into pieces with that. “Let’s go to bed,” he says after tossing away the toilet paper he used to clean Dean.

“Isn’t it gonna stain your sheets?” he asks, pointing his back.

“Yeah, but I don’t care. Watercolor is easy to remove from clothes,” he says. He grabs Dean’s hand and Dean opens his eyes widely at that. “Come on. Let’s go to bed and sleep.” And he squeezes Dean’s hand as he says that.

During the whole path to the bathroom to Cas’ bedroom, their hands are tangled together and Dean feels a wonderful and heartwarming titillation in his body.

 

***

 

After waking up and making out lazily in the morning, Castiel and Dean get up and they go towards the shower together. Castiel removes the painting from Dean’s back. He hates seeing how the painting fades away with the rubbing of the sponge. The painting was already blurry when they woke up, but now, it is being removed and Castiel hates it. And it seems that Dean hates it too. By the way he looked at it last night, Dean really loved the painting Castiel made. At least he still has a photo of it in his mobile phone.

The colors mixed with the water run towards the drain, leaving a colorful rainbow on its way. Dean’s skin starts to get back to his natural color and Castiel feels a bit sad about it. It felt good to know that there was something that he made and that Dean loved on his back. If the painting lasted longer, Castiel is sure that Dean would have spent a long time looking at it and thinking about Cas. That would have been great.

Apart from that, it feels really good to shower with Dean, just sharing some kisses, without doing anything sexual, just the two of them stealing a couple of kisses and washing each other. It shouldn’t feel this good and natural, but it does.

Dean makes breakfast after that. Some laughter is shared during it because Dean tries to get Cas to help him. Dean laughs brightly and happily when Cas does something good or bad. It isn’t a mischievous laugh; it is a happy and proud one. And while he laughs in that beautiful way of his, Castiel smiles brightly and he can’t help that heartwarming feeling he gets with that.

Castiel isn’t brave enough to confess Dean about his feelings, and he isn’t ready to Dean’s reaction either. Last night, the green eyed man seemed so broken when he asked if he was just Castiel’s whore. Castiel remembered when Sam told him that Dean was really fragile, and he saw it last night. He is still asking himself why Dean thought that. Of course that Dean isn’t just a prostitute to Castiel, he is more than that. He soon became a friend and then, Castiel started to fall for him.

He doesn’t tell anything about that to Dean because he is afraid of losing him, of hurting him and because Dean still needs this work, and this last part hurts Castiel. It is true that Dean told him he isn’t just a client, that he is a friend, but sometimes, Castiel gets the feeling that he keeps coming here because of the money, despite of Dean telling him otherwise over and over again, but he can’t help thinking about it. He knows that Dean likes coming here, not because of the money, because he likes being with Castiel, but what would happen if he ever stops paying Dean? Will Dean keep coming to see him?

Dean is a great guy and Castiel knows he isn’t here because of the money, he knows it too well, but his stupid mind keeps bringing up that stupid topic and sometimes it hurts him a lot and it makes him not to finally take the last step and tell Dean to start being together and stop being a client and a prostitute.

But it is so easy to fall into the lie they have built, as if this wasn’t about a client and a prostitute, as if it was something as simple as two friends having sex together and that one of them happens to pay the other. When Castiel looks at Dean smiling, laughing or just looking at Cas with all that happiness, he forgets about everything and he lets himself fall in that lie, even if his feelings for Dean get stronger with every day that passes.

They finish their breakfast and Dean walks towards the main door, and Castiel, like always, goes with him.

“I’ll see you next week Cas,” Dean says.

“Okay,” Castiel says smiling.

Dean smiles too and he cups Castiel’s face to kiss him in a wonderful and sweet way. He loves those kisses, because he knows that Dean gives them because he wants to, not because of the heat of the moment or because he is supposed to give them. “See you.”

“See you,” Castiel says and he kisses Dean again, something that makes Dean to smile happily.

Dean leaves and Castiel closes the door. He rests his forehead on it and he takes a deep breath. What really hurts about all of this, is the fact that he wants to give Dean everything he needs and wants, to make him really happy, to take away all his pain and all those bad thoughts, but he knows he isn’t the right guy. He wants to make Dean feel loved, but he doesn’t know how to and he knows that if they ever get together, he will only hurt him.

That’s what hurts; loving someone and knowing that he will be better off without you.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)
> 
> Thank you so much to Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) for being my beta :)

The professor says the class is over and everyone hurries to leave the classroom. It’s lunch time and the students are dying to get out to eat, or to simply run away from their professor. Dean wants both. 

He gathers his books in his hands; his bag is already overflowing with books, so these notes won’t fit. It’s one of the reasons why he hates Wednesdays; he has to carry most his books, there isn’t a backpack big enough in the world to carry everything he needs. He shoves his heavy bag on his back and quickly makes his escape. 

Dean gets out of the classroom and walks towards the cafeteria; he has to go downstairs and walk past the enormous auditorium. Usually the hall is empty, by this time most of the meetings and things that are done, but today is an exception. The hall is crowded, making it difficult to move. Dean has to push his way through the huge amount of students in the hall. As he passes by, he overhears students talking about the seminar, about how helpful and educational it was to hear people talk about their jobs, some girls are talking about how hot the doctor was and some guys about how pretty the scientist was. Dean doesn’t pay too much attention to, he concentrates on forcing his way out of there.

In his rush he runs into someone, their shoulders bump accidentally and both of them apologize, unphased. Dean keeps walking, pushing through the crowd and doesn’t notice the man in front of him until he bumps right into him. This time his books and notebook fall to the floor, he curses to himself and stops to pick them up.

“I’m so sorry, sir,” Dean starts to apologize without raising his eyes from his books. “I wasn’t watching where I walked.”

“Don’t worry, Dean,” a familiar voice says.

When Dean tilts his head up to see who it is, his eyes open wide and he feels his face pale. “Cas, what are you doing here?” he asks, almost stuttering. He never expected to meet Cas in his university.

Castiel hands him the book and Dean mouths a ‘thank you’. “I was invited to this seminar,” Castiel starts to explain as he stands up. He offers his hand to help Dean, who grabs it, feeling the warmth of his skin; he’s been aching for days to feel Cas’ hand holding his, even if it was for a small period of time like this. “They needed someone in the medical field to talk about their studies, career choices, and their personal experiences in the field, and such things.”

So he was the hot doctor those girls were talking about. “Oh, I see,” he says, feeling a bit nervous. Why is he so nervous? Nobody here knows about them and much less about Dean’s job. It’s so strange to see Cas at the university. The worst of it all is that he’s wearing that wonderful suit that makes him look so fucking hot, with that gorgeous waistcoat… and Dean wants to kiss him so bad right now.

“Just left class?” Castiel asks in that curious, cute way of his.

“Yeah, I was just about to go and eat something. It’s lunch time.”

“That’s true,” Castiel says with a timid smile. “Well, I guess I should leave and let you eat.” He is about to turn around but Dean closes that stupid space between them.

“Wait,” Dean says. Castiel turns and he looks at him with a half confused and half expectant face. “Do you want to have lunch with me? If that’s okay and you don’t have anything to do,” he says, shrugging and trying to look casual. He looks like a little boy trying to tell his crush that he likes him. Why is he thinking about this while talking to Cas?

“I would like that,” Castiel says with a beautiful, timid smile.

“Awesome.” Now Dean definitely looks like he’s confessed his biggest secret to his crush, he succeeded. Sometimes Dean wonders how he manages having a secret life and lying to his family and friends. “Food’s not the best, but I guess it’s better than anything you cook,” Dean jokes as he and Castiel start to walk through the hall towards the cafeteria.

“That’s not difficult, Dean,” he says chuckling. Dean joins him. “But I guess it won’t be as wonderful as your food.”

“My food isn’t wonderful.” They get out of the building. The sun is shining bright and there are only a few of clouds in the sky. It’s unusually warm for a day in February. Spring is about to come and the temperatures are slightly higher, though not by much. “Don’t you have work today?”

“I do, but due to the seminar, I don’t have to go back for a couple of hours,” Castiel answers. When they arrive to the cafeteria, he opens the door for Dean, who smiles shyly; he isn’t used to people opening doors for him.

As they walk past some girls look at Cas; Dean can see how all of them are trying to devour Cas with their eyes. Dean can’t blame them; Cas is sexier than usual today. The problem is that Dean feels a little bit jealous. And he shouldn’t. They aren’t dating, they aren’t a thing, for fuck’s sake. They are friends who happen to double as a whore and client.

“What do you recommend for me?” Castiel asks as he grabs one of the trays.

“Salads are pretty good if you know how to dress them,” Dean answers as he serves himself some raviolis.

“I’m good at that. At least,” he says with a grin. Dean can’t help smiling. “And what else do you recommend?”

“For today there are spring rolls and I’ve gotta tell you it’s the best thing they cook here. So if I were you, I would grab a couple of them.” He points at them and Castiel nods. The cafeteria’s cooking isn’t bad, but it isn’t as good as homemade food. Sometimes they make some awesome dishes, like spring rolls or dumplings, but the rest of the food is more than average.

“Okay, I’ll trust you. You are the expert,” Castiel comments as he serves himself some spring rolls. Dean blushes a little with that. “Pie isn’t as good as yours, right?”

Dean chuckles. “No. But pie is pie. It’s always awesome.”

Castiel rolls his eyes and he grabs a red apple as dessert. Dean looks at him with an arched brow. “Since I tasted your pies, I can’t eat any other. They aren’t as delicious as yours.”

“You are exaggerating, Cas.” Dean hands the cashier the university student’s card, which means that the menu will cost him half the price.

“I don’t think so.” Castiel gives him a serious look and Dean smiles.

Castiel pays and Dean grabs two packages that contain a fork, a knife and a spoon, he passes one to Cas. After Dean has managed to press the books between his elbow and his hip, they walk with the trays towards one of the furthest tables. Dean likes to be as far as he can from the rest of the people and he doesn’t want anyone to interrupt him and Cas. Some people look at both of them, and Dean can’t help but feel it’s because they might find really odd that Dean Winchester is in the cafeteria with someone like Cas.

“How was your day?” Castiel asks as he starts to dress his salad.

“Boring and long, like any other Wednesday. And I still have two classes to attempt,” Dean says, annoyed. He really hates Wednesdays. He hates Mondays too, but Wednesdays are worse because they are longer and all the professors he has class with are terrible. “And how was the talk?”

“Nothing out of this world.” He shrugs. “I didn’t know I was going to run into you.”

“Well, actually I bumped into you,” Dean says laughing and looking at Cas with his lovely eyes. It’s the first time they’ve ate together out of Cas’ place and Dean really likes it.

“Yes, that’s true,” he says blushing and chuckling softly.

“Who’s your pretty friend, Dean?” Charlie asks. Dean turns to look at her. Damn it, he forgot about her! Although his cheeks blush, the rest of his face goes extremely pale. Charlie sits down, next to Dean and she dedicates Cas a pretty and charming smile.

“This is Cas,” Dean finally says.

Charlie opens her eyes widely and she looks at Cas, then and Dean, and then at Cas again. “Oh my gosh. You are Castiel. You are Dean’s boyfriend,” she says really shocked.

“We aren’t boyfriends, Charlie,” Dean mutters. It seems that no one of his friends or family get that.

“Yeah, well whatever. Hi, I’m Charlie,” she says offering her hand to Cas, who is smiling shyly as he shakes Charlie’s hand in an effusive way. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Dean has talked about you a lot.”

“Has he?” Castiel arches a brow and he looks at Dean, who wishes he could get out of this situation easily and in a really unnoticed way. “It’s nice to meet you too Charlie. Dean has talked about you a lot too.”

“I hope that good things,” she says a bit terrified.

Castiel makes that wonderful and pretty smile and he nods. “Yes, all good. Although you are prettier than he described.”

Charlie’s blush matches her hair and a nervous and timid smile appears on her face. It is surprising to see her like that; his friend barely looks shy in any situation, maybe awkward, but not timid. “Wow, you’re as dreamy as Dean described you.”

“Charlie!” Dean exclaims really terrified and a bit angry. He knows the color is back in his face, but now he feels like it matches Charlie’s. Castiel laughs brightly; it seems that he enjoys seeing Dean blushing. 

“You know, I don’t know if I’m interrupting something, if you want me to go and sit somewhere else I can,” Charlie says looking at Cas. There’s that awkwardness of Charlie’s that Dean knows too well.

“No, don’t worry. I don’t mind it,” Castiel says in a polite and charming way.

“You are saying that because you want her to embarrass me, don’t you?” Dean says with a glare.

“A bit.” Castiel laughs. “But also because it’s really good to finally meet her.”

“Thanks, Cas,” she says blushing. Then she looks at Dean. “You should have introduced me to him a long time ago, he is so nice!” At least that makes Cas blush too and Dean smiles because he isn’t going to be the only one blushing!

“If you compliment him a lot, he blushes so easily,” Dean says with a sassy voice and dedicating the blue eyed man a naughty grin.

“Are you going to take your revenge from before?” Castiel asks with more sass in his voice. When it comes to sass, he is the King.

“Of course and you know it,” he says with a cocky smile. He looks at Charlie, whose face is filled with happiness. “Keep making him blush, it makes him look so cute.”

“I hate you, Dean.”

Dean smirks and he bites his lower lip. “We are just getting started.”

“You are so adorable together,” Charlie says really excited. Both of them look at her and they blush. “Anyway, what are you doing here, Cas?” Charlie asks and Dean thanks her for changing the subject.

“I was invited to the seminar in the auditorium,” Cas answers before he starts to eat his salad.

“So you are that hot doctor all the girls are talking about.”

“Hot doctor?” He narrows his eyes and makes a confused face, tilting his head to one side. Dean looks down at his pasta, trying to hide his smile from Charlie, because if she looks at his smile, he knows she is going to say something that will embarrass him or worse; she will say something about how obviously Dean is in love with Cas, which he isn’t. Not at all.

“Yeah. Most of the girls were talking about the hot Doctor Novak,” she explains with an admiring voice. “Seems that you have the prettiest boy in college, Dean.” She elbows Dean’s arm and grins. Dean rolls his eyes and looks at Charlie. “You know I’m not telling a single lie.” Her grin turns into a huge smirk.

Dean turns his face to Cas. “Yeah, she’s got a point. You’re hot,” Dean says with an agreement pout.

“And they don’t say anything about the extremely beautiful guy who is sitting in front of me?” Castiel asks to Charlie and pointing with his fork at Dean, who rolls his eyes again. Castiel chuckles. “You knew I was going to say something.”

“Of course you were going to say something,” Dean snaps with the sassiest voice he can make. He and Cas chuckle in a cute way with that.

It feels so wonderful and natural to be like this with Cas, even if Dean knows that Charlie is taking notes in her mind about both of them. But Dean feels really happy about this; it is one of the most common things to do and it feels awesome. They really do look like a couple who invited their friend to join them.

They keep eating and Dean can see Charlie’s wide grin from the corner of his eye, the one that means that she is up to something, but Dean tries to focus on his pasta and ignore her. If Charlie is going to do something, like talking to Dean about feelings and all that stuff, he would rather she did it when Cas wasn’t around them.

“You know, you should totally come to Dean’s house and have lunch,” Charlie says suddenly. Castiel and Dean both raise their heads from their food to look at her. Castiel looks a bit pale, but he has a good poker face. Dean, meanwhile, is looking terrified by the idea. “Dean could make one of his wonderful meals and the three of us and Sam would be there, chatting,” she adds with a casual voice.

“Charlie, shut up,” Dean mutters as low as he can, trying to be only audible to her. Of course he wants that, but it would be the most awkward thing in the world. It would mean a lot of lies from himself and Cas and a lot of insinuations from Sam and Charlie, them trying to set Dean and Cas together, in the right sense of the word. And what excuse can they give? No sorry, I’m his whore and he pays me to have sex with him, we don’t want anything else. No, definitely not.

“I would love to,” Castiel starts to say and Dean turns his face to look at him with all the panic and stress he is feeling right now. Cas can’t be serious. “But I’m afraid that most of the weekends I’m busy at lunch, Charlie.” With those words, Dean feels as if all the compression in his chest is gone. “And I think it won’t do me any good at all to eat Dean’s food. I won’t be able to resist eating everything,” he says chuckling.

“You don’t have any idea how I much I understand you. Thanks to him and his wonderful food I can’t eat chocolate chips cookies from anywhere else!”

“You two are exaggerating,” Dean says lifting his eyebrows.

“Do you think so?” she says with a dramatic voice. Castiel presses his lips into a thin line to avoid a laugh and Dean looks at him briefly with a fond smile that Cas catches and makes him blush. “You ruined my life with your food, Winchester!”

“Then you can stop eating my food.”

“There’s no way I’m going to do that!”

Castiel and Dean laugh and Charlie soon joins their laughter. The rest of the lunch goes with the three of them talking about food. Charlie and Castiel share their passion for Dean’s food and she makes sure to remind Dean to make dishes or certain plates for Cas whenever he can.

Dean finds it amusing how great Charlie and Cas seem to get on. It isn’t such a big surprise; Cas is one of the most wonderful and greatest people that Dean has ever known, and Charlie is great and bright. Dean can’t help looking at how both of them keep talking about his food, sharing their enthusiasm together and it fills Dean with a heartwarming sensation.

During a moment, Castiel looks at Dean, who knows he is looking at Cas as if he was the brightest star in the universe, smiling like a happy fool, and by the way Cas looks, he is happy too. He makes one of those smiles he only does to Dean and blushes a little before he keeps talking to Charlie.

When Charlie finishes her food, Dean and Castiel are still finishing the second plate. She stands and puts her backpack on and grabs the tray. “Well guys, I have to go. Got an exam to do,” Charlie says.

“Good luck with your exam,” Castiel says.

“She doesn’t need luck,” Dean begins to say. “She is too fucking smart and awesome. She always gets the highest marks.” He makes a proud smile and Charlie squeezes her nose in a funny and cute way.

“He’s adorable when he’s so polite and nice,” Charlie comments as she ruffles Dean’s hair in a friendly way.

“Too bad he isn’t always like that,” Castiel teases.

Dean shows him his middle finger and Castiel laughs. “You are a fucking dick, Cas.”

“How can you stand him?” Charlie asks in a mocking way, which earns her a deadly glare from Dean. But she smiles him instead of looking intimidated.

“Because he’s so great and wonderful,” Castiel says those words looking at Dean with all the tenderness he has in his eyes. Dean smiles shyly but grateful and then tries to avert those beautiful eyes. He will never get used to hearing Cas praise him.

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Cas,” Charlie says. Her voice sounds extremely sweet. “I’ll see you later, Dean.”

“Yeah, Charlie, see you,” Dean says trying hard to slow down the beating of his heart from Castiel’s words, but it is in vain.

“It was great to meet you, Charlie. See you,” Castiel says. Charlie walks away, leaving both of them at the table. “She’s really nice,” Castiel murmurs with a happy smile.

“Yeah, she is.” Dean agrees. He finally decides to look at Cas, who keeps eating his spring rolls. He would like to say something about how Cas is also great and wonderful, but those words are stuck in his throat, like always. “Do you like the spring rolls?” he asks, trying to change the subject and avoid any kind of conversation that will lead him to say something that he shouldn’t say.

“I do like them. Though I think you would cook better ones,” Castiel says in a really serious way. Dean huffs a laugh and he bites his lip in a cute way. “What?” he asks looking at Dean.

Dean frowns confused. “What, what?”

“I know that expression. You make it every time something is gnawing in your head.” His eyes fix on Dean, trying to look into Dean’s soul in order to know all the answers. Sometimes Dean wishes Cas could do that; it would help a lot, but sometimes he thanks that Cas can’t do that. “So what is it this time?”

Dean isn’t sure what it is. It is a lot of things. He doesn’t know which one is the one hammering his head with more intensity. And he doesn’t know what to say either. He smiles, using it to protect himself, like he always does and he speaks, “If we didn’t have that, you know, that agreement, I would invite you to have lunch at my place.”

With that, Castiel makes a surprised face. His eyes open wide, but his lips are drawing a tiny smile. “I would love that.”

They don’t say anything else about it. They keep eating their lunches. Their conversation is about Cas’ work and things like that. Then it switches to the classes Dean has after lunch.

They walk outside the cafeteria when they have finished eating. They have to share a small walk together before Cas has to go to his car and Dean has to go to his building. When they arrive to the spot where their paths split, both of them stop and they turn so they can face each other.

“It was really nice having lunch with you, Dean. And with Charlie,” Castiel says.

Dean chuckles with that. “Yeah, it was really cool.” He looks at Castiel’s eyes, looking bluer than ever thanks to the sunlight. They are the bluest blue to ever blue. Did he fucking seriously think that cheesy thing? He is a big old cheesy guy. “Well, I guess I’ll see you on Friday,” Dean says a bit awkwardly. He will never understand why he looks like this right now. It isn’t the first time he is with Cas outside his apartment.

“Yes, we will see each other on Friday,” Castiel says.

“Okay. So see you, Cas.”

But before Dean can turn around to get to the building, Castiel cups his face and draws him into a passionate kiss. Dean at first is shocked by that, but the instant those lips touch his, he kisses him back and embraces Castiel. He doesn’t care if anyone else sees them; it is awesome to kiss Cas, to know that he is kissing him because he wants to kiss Dean, not because he is paying for it, because he really wants it.

When they pull away, Dean is blushing and smiling as if he finally kissed his crush after hiding his emotions for so long. Castiel is like Dean too. “See you then, Dean,” Castiel says.

Castiel walks away and Dean stands still, watching how Castiel leaves. Dean bites his lower lip and then, he touches it, as if it was the first time they kissed. It is definitely not the first one; they have kissed hundreds of times, maybe thousands, Dean isn’t sure, but this is the first time they’ve kissed in a public place and it felt awesome to not hide it.

 

When Dean’s last class is over and he gets out of the classroom, Charlie is waiting for him in the hall, leaning on the wall. She spots Dean quickly and easily, walking towards him and tangling her arm on Dean’s when she reaches him.

“We are gonna go to Tommy Mel’s for a milkshake and we are gonna talk about you and Cas,” she says with a happy face, but her eyes are telling Dean not to dare to run away from this.

Dean was expecting Charlie to do something like that, but he wasn’t expecting her to do it in the same day she met Cas. He should have known better…

It doesn’t take them too long to get to Tommy Mel’s and order their milkshakes. Charlie doesn’t say anything while they wait for the waitress to bring their milkshakes. She stares at them, with a thoughtful face and Dean knows he is so screwed up and that a really chick flick and deep lecture is coming.

The moment the waitress is gone after putting the strawberry milkshake for Dean and the chocolate cookie for Charlie on the table, Charlie starts to talk, “Castiel is great.”

“Yeah, I know that,” Dean says with a tiny smile. He can expect anything from the following conversation and he knows that it won’t do him any good being sassy or sarcastic. He takes a sip of the milkshake; the cold and sweet liquid caresses his mouth and throat in a delicious way.

“And he is definitely in love with you,” Charlie says with an obvious and serious face.

Dean chokes with the milkshake because of those words. He coughs a couple of times until he feels better. “He is not!”

“Of course he is!” she exclaims pissed off. She sounds like she was insulted. “Did you actually see the way he looked and smiled at you? It was as if you were the most extraordinary being in the whole universe! And you looked at him like that!”

“No we didn’t!” Dean says overacting his gestures.

Charlie makes a bitch-face. “You two are so freaking blind,” she says with an angry grimace. “He loves you. Every time he looked at you his eyes were shinning with love. And yours too! I’ve never seen you looking at anyone the way you looked at him.”

“It’s not love, Charlie,” he says with a heartbreaking voice. It isn’t love. Dean knows he isn’t capable of loving someone and he knows that nobody in this world is capable of loving Dean Winchester.

“Damn it, Dean!” She lets out a frustrating sigh and she rubs his face in an exhausted way. “You two are in love. You’re my new OTP!”

“Charlie, listen to me. This isn’t love.” Dean feels his eyes are starting to burn with the tears he is trying so hard to hold. Why does this affect him so much? It isn’t love. But he wants it to be, doesn’t he? No, he can’t get there, if he opens that door he can’t go back. He has already gone so far on this, he can’t go further; it will destroy him.

“It is!”

“No! It’s not!” He yells so loud that everyone in the place turns their faces to look at them. Dean rubs his eyes, feeling how a few tears water his fingers. “He doesn’t— you know. And I don’t.”

“You can lie to me, Dean. You can lie to anyone, but you can’t lie to yourself,” Charlie says with a heartbreaking voice and face. Her eyes are glassy too. “You love him but you don’t want to recognize it because you are afraid of hurting him and losing him.”  
“Charlie, please, stop. I don’t need to hear this.” He closes his eyes and he starts to breath in a panicking way.

Dean hears her sighing and how she drinks the milkshake from the straw. She sighs again after drinking, taking a small time to speak up again. “Can I ask you one last thing?”

“I’d rather you didn’t, but—” He opens his eyes and stares at his friend, whose face is all sadness and hurt. “Go ahead.”

“Why don’t you take that final step and tell him to be something else?”

“Because I’m not good enough for him,” he simply answers. And he must admit this is the first time he is one hundred percent honest about he and Castiel in front of anyone. Charlie is about to say something, but Dean cuts her off. “No more questions, Charlie. No more talking about Cas. Just— don’t.” He makes a painful face.

“Okay. I didn’t know you were gonna be this hurt with this. I’m sorry,” she says, sounding really sad.

“It’s okay, Charlie.”

“It’s not. I didn’t want to hurt you.” She sounds so terribly hurt by it. She really regrets saying all those things; Dean can see it in her face.

Dean makes a tiny smile. “Don’t worry.”

“Do you want me to discuss about how the next book from _A Song of Ice and Fire_ is going to be?”

He smiles gratefully. He hates to admit it, but sometimes, Charlie knows him better than himself and she knows when Dean needs something. He smiles and says, “Yeah, that’d be awesome.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)
> 
> And big thank you to Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) for being my awesome beta :)

Dean is reading a mechanical text book on the living room’s sofa. He should start making dinner within the next hour, but meanwhile he keeps reading; he has a test tomorrow and although he’s sure that he will pass the exam without any trouble at all, he wants to review everything, just in case.

He hears Sam’s bedroom door opening and the sound of Sam and Jess coming downstairs follows it. Jessica came over to do some project she and Sam have to do for Literature class.

The moment his brother and Jess are downstairs, Dean asks, “You aren’t staying for dinner Jess?”

“That would be great, but my mother’s cooking some barbecue roasted chicken, and although I really love your wonderful cooking, I can’t say no to that chicken,” she says with a grimace.

“Don’t worry,” Dean says with a charming smile.

“But if you want to invite me for dinner any other day, I’m already saying yes,” she says chuckling, and Dean joins her laughter too.

“You are always welcomed here, Jess,” Sam says with a shy smile. “You don’t need his permission,” he teases with a playful grin.

“That’s because Jess is wonderful, not because she’s your girlfriend, you bitch,” Dean mocks with a cocky smile. Sam rolls his eyes and Jess ruffles Dean’s hair.

“Jerk,” Sam murmurs.

“Anyway, I’m leaving before my father eats everything,” Jess announces. She stands on her tiptoes and Sam leans down to kiss her. Dean can’t help a proud smile. His Sammy has grown a lot. “See you tomorrow, Sam.”

“See you, Jess.”

“See you, Dean.”

“See you, Jess.” Dean waves his hand and Jessica gets out of the Winchester’s home. Sam meanwhile, stares at the door with a stupidly happy grin on his face. “My little brother is in love.”

Sam turns his face to stare at Dean. He blushes a lot and he rubs the back of his neck; like Dean, he has the same habit. “Yeah, I am. But don’t tell her,” he says, sounding a bit embarrassed as he walks towards the couch, sitting next to Dean.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” He knows how important those three words are and he doesn’t want to take that moment away from Sam. He knows that Jess loves his little brother, but Dean knows that Sam is waiting for the perfect time to say those words; he is a classy, sappy guy.

“It’s weird, y’know?” Sam starts to say and Dean frowns, intrigued and confused. “You can see that I love her but you can’t see that Cas loves you.”

Dean grunts and he closes his text book, exhausted. “Charlie told you, right?” When Dean came home last week after his talk with Charlie, Sam saw that something was wrong with Dean. He didn’t told him what Charlie said, but he told Sam that she met Cas and that she gave him a huge lecture about feelings and all that crap.

“Yes she did, because I asked her and she told me,” he admits.

Dean is going to kill Charlie. “I guess that now you are gonna give me the same talk as Charlie, right?”

“No,” he says. Dean frowns, confused. Why doesn’t Sam want to give him a talk about how stupid he is and how Cas is obviously in love with him? That’s what he’s been doing since he’s known that Dean was seeing Cas. “You’re just gonna lie to me and yourself about what you really feel about him.”

“Sam—”

“Don’t.” His eyes are sharp. Dean hasn’t seen him like that before. “It’s your life and they are your choices, and I respect and understand that. But Dean, you are only hurting yourself and Cas with all this crap and sooner or later, things are gonna go down and it will be because you are too proud to admit things!”

Dean holds his eyes with Sam’s. His brother is really frustrated and pissed off. Right now, Dean would love to confess everything to his brother, to tell him that he’s a fucking whore and Cas pays him to have sex with him. Maybe that would help him to get through all this shit and all those crappy feelings he didn’t ask for. But he can’t admit that, it would only make things more difficult.

“I just want you to be happy,” Sam says. This time, his eyes are softer but they show he is hurt.

Dean looks away, to the black screen of the television, seeing their reflection on it. Maybe he should let out a truth. Dean takes a deep breath and says, “I would hurt him. He deserves better.” He can see in the black screen that Sam is about to say something, but Dean interrupts him. “Enough talking about Cas.” He stands up and he leaves his text book on the coffee table. “I gotta make dinner.” He goes towards the kitchen.

But Sam follows him. It seems that for Sam, the conversation isn’t over. Dean shows him his back and he starts to chop the ingredients for the tacos they are going to eat that night. He can’t see Sam, but he knows his tall brother is leaning on the doorstep, looking at Dean. Sam remains in silence and its bothering Dean so much.

“Don’t you have anything to say?” Dean asks trying to maintain his pissed off facade. He doesn’t want Sam to notice his heartbroken, trembling voice.

“You said it was enough.” Sam, lets his voice sound as hurt as possible.

“Then, why are you there?” His voice breaks a little and Dean hates it. He can’t get sappy; he isn’t like that. He is too tired with all of this shit and complicated feelings.

“To make sure that you’re all right.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you are not,” Sam says. Dean hears him walking towards him. Sam stands next to him, trying to see his face, but Dean resists; he focuses on the red peppers he’s chopping. “You are definitely not fine.”

“I’m always fine, Sam.” Because ‘fine’ has always meant something very different for Dean; it is something that acknowledges that he feels like shit but it’s okay because he can deal with it. But this time, he knows he can’t.

Sam sighs and rubs his face. “Of course, Dean.” He sounds so hurt with that and Dean tries hard not to let Sam see how the sound of his voice affects him. “You always care about everyone, you sacrifice yourself for everyone, but when it comes to you, you think you don’t deserve anything good. You deserve it Dean, you really do.”

Dean puts the knife away and he turns to face his brother. Dean doesn’t care if his eyes are red, swollen and glassy, he doesn’t give a damn; he only wants everyone to stop telling him things like that. Dean doesn’t deserve that, he’s the biggest shit in the world and nobody seems to understand it and he doesn’t want Cas to find out what a big worthless shit he is.

“When will you understand that he doesn’t love me? He’d be stupid to love me. Nobody loves me Sam! For fuck’s sake! He is too fucking good! He deserves someone who can give him everything he wants and needs, someone who makes him happy, someone worth it and I’m not that person!” Dean yells frustrated. Words have never come so easily before. “I never will be!” He sniffs when he finishes talking; he really doesn’t want to cry right now, it’s the last thing he needs, so he turns back to the worktop.

“Dean, you are full of worth,” Sam says heartbreakingly.

“Leave me alone, Sam. Please.” Finally, his voice sounds hurt and weak, he can’t hide it anymore.

Sam squeezes his brother’s shoulder and walks away, without saying a word. Dean keeps chopping the food. He tries to concentrate on the food, but he can’t, no matter how hard he tries. Charlie’s words have been stuck in his mind all week, and now Sam’s words will stick too. He doesn’t need any of this.

Suppertime is quiet, neither Dean nor Sam talk about anything, it the same as they was the dishes Dean goes to the bathroom and brushes his teeth, then he goes to his bedroom. He closes the door behind him and he sits on the seat under the window; he stares at the night sky.

When someone knocks on the door he knows it’s Sam, it can’t be anyone else, they’re the only ones in the house. What the hell does Sam want now? He loves his brother, but right now, Dean doesn’t need any more talking.

“What?” Dean says grumpily.

Sam opens the door and enters the bedroom. He walks with his hands hidden behind his back. When he is close to Dean, he shows him what he’s hiding; a jar of Nutella and some chocolate cookies Dean baked a couple of days ago. Dean looks at his brother with a frown. “When I was upset about something, you always gave me this to make me feel better,” Sam explains with his puppy-eyes. “I want you to feel better and I want to apologize for making you feel like shit.”

Dean can’t be mad at his brother; Sam has a big heart. He takes a deep breath and he grabs the Nutella and the cookies. “Thanks Sam.” He opens the jar and he dips one of the cookies in the sweet chocolate, memories of their childhood flashing in his mind.

“So, are we okay again?” he asks as he sits on the other side of the seating under the window.

“Yeah, we are good.” Dean offers his brother a cookie and Sam dips one of them in the Nutella. “But no more talking about Cas and feelings because I can’t take it, okay? I’m so sick of hearing the same things over and over again and feeling like shit every time.” He bites the cookie and Dean thanks the wonderful, overwhelming taste of chocolate dancing in his tongue.

“Okay,” Sam says with a shy smile. “But if you need to talk, even if I know you don’t want to and don’t like it, I’m here for you,” he adds with an honest smile. “You know that, right?”

Dean smiles. “Of course that I know that, Sam.”

 

***

 

It’s Thursday, and Cas goes to bed as early as always, hoping to be as rested as he can for tomorrow. He switches off the lights and he gets under the sheets. He rolls over to face the empty space where Dean usually is when he sleeps here. Castiel sighs and stretches his arm to caress the mattress, missing Dean’s warm body next to him.

He hates that Dean isn’t here next to him, every night. He hates that the overwhelming scent of Dean is no longer in his sheets. Dean’s smell will be imprinted again tomorrow, on Friday, but Castiel misses the small reminder of Dean in his bed. He misses Dean’s presence in the rest of the house too. When Dean is here, nothing seems as lonely as it is now; there’s happiness, warmth and color. 

He doesn’t just want Dean for sex, he wants him to be something more, something bigger, not only friends who frequently have sex because Cas pays Dean for it. He wants something very different from that and it is driving him crazy.

Castiel closes his eyes and tries to forget about it but he can’t. It felt wonderful last week, when he kissed Dean in the middle of the campus, in front of everyone. No more secrets, no more lies, no hiding, just them kissing because they wanted to. He wants that. He wants to kiss Dean whenever he can, to have him here; being together, doing everything or nothing at all, just being Dean’s boyfriend. It sounds wonderful but at the same time it sounds intimidating. He can’t make up his mind.

He can’t be like this forever, he should stop those thoughts and feelings, but it’s impossible. One of these days, he’s going to fuck everything off and he’ll finally tell Dean everything, he isn’t sure what that will go. Though he’s almost one hundred percent sure that he’ll freak Dean out and he’ll leave his life forever. He doesn’t want Dean out of his life.

This was supposed to ease things, not complicate everything, how did Castiel end up falling for Dean? He doesn’t regret it, but he hates knowing that he’ll hurt Dean and fuck things up, no matter what he does.

Castiel buries his face in the pillow, as if with that all his troubles and thoughts would fade away, but they don’t. He only wants to sleep. Tomorrow will be another day and maybe he’ll stop over thinking this.

He knows he’s wrong.

 

***

 

Like every Friday, Dean goes to Cas’ apartment. He waits for the door to open after he has rung the bell. The moment Castiel opens the door, he fists Dean’s t-shirt and he pulls him into a needy and enthusiastic kiss that catches Dean off guard. But he kisses him back almost instantly.

Dean is soon pulled into the apartment and Castiel closes the door with one arm, almost slamming it. Castiel doesn’t separate his mouth from Dean’s for even a second. His hands run through Dean’s hair desperately, as if they hadn’t seen each other for years. It has only been five days and Dean is surprised by how needy Cas is tonight.

When Castiel finally pulls away, he looks at Dean. His blue eyes are dark with arousal, his pupils dilated. Castiel bites his lower lip and he closely watches Dean’s face. Dean is a bit confused by this reaction, but he doesn’t complain, mostly because Cas is kissing him and words get lost inside Dean’s throat.

Castiel grabs the flaps of Dean’s leather jacket, fisting it as he walks backwards, pulling Dean with him. Dean’s jacket is discarded by the time they make it to the living room. Dean has spent a lot of time in Cas’ apartment, he could walk through it.  
It doesn’t take them long to get to the bedroom. Castiel walks fast, wasting no time. His hands are sneaking under Dean’s t-shirt; Dean can feel he’s hungry to touch. They take off each other’s clothes, exchanging passionate caresses and not breaking their kiss for a single moment.

Dean is pushed onto the mattress, Cas in his arms. The blue eyed man moves above him eagerly, kissing Dean in a breathtaking way. Castiel’s hands wander everywhere, they cup Dean’s face, they touch his shoulders, his chest, his waist, his thighs… Dean’s hands are on Cas’ back, he even squeezes his butt, which earns him a fucking sweet moan from Cas and a naughty smile.  
Usually, Castiel likes to take his time, likes to explore every single inch of Dean with his mouth and hands, but tonight, although his hands are still tracing Dean up and down, his mouth is focused on Dean’s mouth. He presses a few kisses on Dean’s jaw line and to the skin behind his ears, but Cas is back soon to his mouth. His kisses are so needy, as if Cas is relieved to finally be able to kiss him. This is a new side of Cas that Dean didn’t know about.

Truth be told, Cas has always showed how glad he was every time Dean arrived and his kisses, the first ones mainly, where needy, but that need wasn’t as strong and intense as tonight. Dean wants to ask why, but Cas is so fucking good at distracting him, his mind goes completely blank and his words are lost. Cas starts opening him up, and Dean knows he isn’t going to be able to string a sentence together until both of them have come.

There’s no teasing at all, his fingers go directly to Dean’s prostate, making him arch his back and start moaning and groaning. Those fingers do wonderful things to him. Everything involving Cas does wonderful things to Dean.

Dean doesn’t know when or how Cas got the lube and the condom; he swears that Cas’ hands were on his body the entire time. Yet still, he doesn’t care as the moment Castiel pushes in, Dean forgets about everything. He scratches Castiel’s back until he feels him fully settled in and Dean lets out a relieved breath.

Dean opens his green eyes to see that Cas has that look, that one that makes Dean’s heart warm and skip a beat. Cas looks at him as if he’s the most extraordinary being in the whole universe and with Cas looking at him like that, he remembers all the things Charlie and Sam said about Cas being obviously in love with him. It can’t be like that. They are lying. Cas isn’t in love with him. But that sight— No, he is only seeing things in the heat of sex.

Dean moans really loud when Cas begins his thrusts. Their foreheads are pressed together and their gazes are locked. Dean’s hands are on his blades and Cas’ are on his collarbone. They rock their hips; Dean fucking against Cas’ cock and Cas fucking Dean until he’s balls deep. Dean shivers and arches his back every time Cas touches that too fucking sweet spot.

They move their bodies impossibly closer; they need to feel the maddening, addictive touch of skin on skin. It’s so completely awesome.

They kiss every chance they get until they can’t hold it in anymore; they have to part from the kiss to let out their unrestrained moans. The sounds of their pleasured moans are an echo of each other’s names.

Dean holds Castiel closer as the blue eyed man starts to jerk him off, he feels like he’s about to come and he knows Cas is too; Dean can feel his cock twitching inside him. Dean is already tight but he further clenches around him, making Cas’ body tremble and he digs his nails in Dean’s skin.

They come together, Dean’s come painting their bellies and their bodies are boneless and made of jelly. Castiel falls onto Dean and closes his eyes, like Dean. They can feel each other panting hard in their mouths and their hot breaths caressing their lips. Dean starts to comb Cas’ hair lazily with his fingers. He always needs to make sure that Cas is there with him, that this isn’t a dream. He always gets that itch after they’ve come; he needs to make sure that Cas isn’t going anywhere. He needs to touch him as much as he can, feel his warmth spreading on his skin.

Castiel purrs and when he opens his eyes, he looks at Dean. He’s smiling in that happy and shy way of his. He kisses Dean slowly but fondly, and Dean can feel that smile in the kiss.

“We didn’t even say hello,” Dean says as his thumb strokes Cas’ jawline.

“That’s true,” Castiel says with a happy smile. “Hello, Dean.” He leans again to kiss him, without removing that sweet smile.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean can’t resist smiling. Cas’ smile is contagious and it makes him really happy. They kiss again, and though they only share brief kisses the sounds of them fill the room. When one kiss stops, another begins. Castiel’s hands are cupping Dean’s face and Dean has his hands on his dark, messy hair and on the space between his shoulder blades. These kisses are needier and more tender than usual. Dean pulls away to look at Cas. Something doesn’t feel right and he wants to know what it is. “Are you okay?” He frowns as he asks.

“Yes, I’m okay,” Castiel says with an honest smile. But something in his eyes is telling Dean otherwise. He is about to kiss him again, but Dean stops him by putting his index finger on his pretty, pink lips, which makes Castiel frown confused.

“Cas,” Dean begins to say. He fixes his eyes on Castiel’s; how many times has he lost himself in that ocean? More than he can count. He wishes he could spend an eternity looking into his eyes. He wishes he could have the man those beautiful eyes belong to in all the ways he has never desired before. It isn’t the time to think about that. Something is bothering Cas and Dean wants to know. “Something is going on with you.”

“And why do you say so?” One of his eyebrows arches, intensifying his sass, but he sounds hurt, almost broken.

“I can feel it. You are never this needy and you’ve never pulled me into the bedroom without saying a word.” With his other hand he caresses soothingly along the slope of Castiel’s back. He doesn’t take his eyes away from the other mans, looking for something that can answer his question. “I know something is bothering you.”

“I just had a long day and I needed to take away all the frustration,” he simply answers. Dean is pretty sure that he is lying. He lets his doubts show with a frown and Castiel sees it. “Dean, it’s nothing, don’t worry.” He kisses Dean to make him forget about the topic but Dean knows it won’t work. He wants to know but he doesn’t want to push him either. Cas notices that Dean is still thinking about it and he takes a deep breath as he pulls away from him, leaving him empty. “It’s just that, Dean, stop thinking about it.” He stands from the bed and walks towards the bin to throw the condom in the trash.

“It’s not that, Cas,” Dean says as he sits on the bed, with his back resting on the headboard. His eyes focus on Cas’ glorious naked body, he wants to kiss every inch of it and whisper all the words he doesn’t know how to express into his skin. He needs to stop and cut down those thoughts.

Castiel grunts and lies on the bed, the sound is an expression of exhaustion and sadness, rather than angry or annoyed. His hands come to rest onto his own belly, sticky with Dean’s come and he looks at it. He grabs a wet wipe and he cleans himself, cleaning Dean after, for that, he sits on his lap and Dean looks at him.

“If someone is fucking you up I can pay him a visit and kick his ass,” Dean jokes, as if that could be Cas’ trouble.

Castiel chuckles and looks at Dean, telling him with a meer look that he is an assbutt. “You don’t have to kick anyone’s ass. For now.”

Dean laughs at that. When Cas is done with cleaning him, he cups his face and he kisses him gently. Castiel seems to melt into the kiss. “You know you worry me when you’re like that.”

“I know.” He places his hands above Dean’s and he pulls them away, holding them. It makes Dean’s heart skip several beats. Castiel looks down at their tangled hands and Dean does the same after a while. There’s something prisoning his chest, making it hard to breath as he keeps looking their joined hands; he knows why he is feeling like that and he is scared of it. “It’s just some stupid stuff, Dean.”

“It isn’t stupid if it has you like this.” He swallows hard. The warmth spreading between their intertwined hands is wonderful and dangerously addicting. He has thought about how their joined hands would feel, and now that he knows he wishes they could hold hands all the time.

Castiel looks up and Dean, who tilts his head up to meet Castiel’s eyes, the other man smiles and kisses him as he slightly squeezes his hands. When he pulls away from Dean’s lips, he presses his face against the side of his neck. Castiel lets out a tired sigh and both of his hands come to rest on the back of Dean’s neck, fingers brushing the short hair.

“Hold me,” Castiel says with a breathy voice.

Dean holds him tightly. His hands caress Castiel’s back soothingly and sweetly. He is really worried about Cas; he seems to be about to fall apart and break into million pieces. Dean kisses the top of his head and he rests his cheek on that spot. 

“Cas, are you alright?”

“I am now.” He nuzzles Dean’s neck and lets out a shaky breath.

Dean would love to tell Cas ‘talk to me’, but it seems that he doesn’t want to talk right now. Dean can understand; he tends to lock in himself instead of talking, although lately he has been very talkative, more than he usually likes to. Despite being extremely worried about Cas, Dean isn’t going to force him to say anything. Cas needs this and Dean is going to give it to him. It seems to calms him a lot.

Many minutes pass and neither of them pulls away or says a single word. Dean keeps holding Cas, his hands are moving as slow and soothingly as he can. Cas is still holding himself on Dean, refusing to let him go. Time keeps running, but it doesn’t matter to either of them. All they care about is that they are holding each other. Dean is the one holding Cas together, preventing him from falling apart, and Dean knows that Cas is doing the same for him. He wouldn’t mind being like this with Cas for the rest of his life.

“We should sleep,” Castiel mumbles sleepy. He moves his face away from Dean’s neck, until they’re face to face. One of his hands starts to comb Dean’s hair and he makes a tiny, shy smile. “Sorry for this, I— I needed it.”

“It’s okay, Cas.” Dean smiles too and he presses a kiss on Cas’ lips. “You feeling better?” he asks as his thumb caresses one sweaty lock of hair that’s stuck on Cas’ forehead.

Castiel nods. “I am. Thanks to you.” His cheeks blush.

Dean smiles again and kisses Cas. “We need to rest.”

Castiel switches off the lights first and they get into bed. He crawls onto Dean, until Dean has him in his arms. Cas falls asleep easily and quickly; he was really exhausted. Slumber takes more time to reach Dean. Until slumber catches him, Dean can’t help thinking about how good it feels to have Cas in his arms and to be the reason why Cas feels better.

He holds Castiel tighter, pulling him closer and nuzzles his hair, wanting to whisper into it so many words that get lost in his throat.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)
> 
> Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) couldn't beta this chapter, but once she does it, I will upload it beated ^^

Wednesdays are always so long for Dean. That’s why, after helping Sam to wash the dishes, he sits on the couch and turns the TV on to watch _V for Vendetta_. Usually he doesn’t stay too late on week days, maybe he watches some episode from a TV show, hoping not to stay too late, but Wednesdays are the exception. He needs time to relax after the long day.

Of course, Sammy joins him. He should be in bed in less than an hour, but he can’t resist watching a movie with his elder brother. And Dean can’t help smiling at that.

They haven’t talked about Cas’ topic again. Dean can see in his little brother’s face that he wants to know and he wants to ask, but he is keeping it to himself. The same has happened with Charlie. She hasn’t pushed anymore; she could see that Dean didn’t want to talk about it. But no one of them have stopped with those worry looks they sometimes give Dean, but Dean ignores it. He knows they care, but he wants to keep his brother and his friend out of this complicated relationship he has with Cas. The less they know, the better.

The movie has been playing for only twelve minutes when Dean’s mobile phone rings. Sam frowns at it confused and Dean searches in his pocket for it, making a confused frown as well. The only person that used to call this late was John, and he is dead, so who is calling now this late?

Dean frowns worried when the screen reveals the name; Cas.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says worried. Sam pauses the movie and looks at Dean with curiosity and confusion. “What’s wrong?”

“ _Dean,_ ” Castiel says. He sound so heartbreaking that Dean tenses. Something really bad must have happened to him. “ _Can you come to my place now?_ ” he asks breathy and with a lot of pain.

“Yeah, Cas. What’s wrong? Are you hurt? What happened?” He stands from the couch and goes towards the coat hanger where his leather jacket is.

“Dean, what happened, is he okay?” Sam asks really worried.

“ _Nothing bad has happened, Dean,_ ” Castiel says. He sounds really hurt and broken, making Dean’s heart to twist painfully. “ _I need you. Please._ ” There’s choked breath on the end of line and Dean feels even more scared and confused.

“I’m on my way, Cas. Okay?” Dean tries to sound calm, but he isn’t. If Cas is this hurt, this needy and this broken, it can’t be anything good.

“ _Okay,_ ” he says breathy, and he hangs up.

Dean hangs up and he looks at his phone, trying to process what has happened. Sam is already walking towards him, really worried. “Is he all right?”

“I’m not sure. He says he needs me,” Dean answers as he saves his phone in his pocket. “I’m gonna go to his apartment. I don’t think I’ll come home, I’ll spend the night at Cas’. But I’ll pick you up to drive you to school, okay?” Dean says quickly and nervously. He is really worried about Cas.

“Okay. Don’t worry. Just be with him and make him feel better,” Sam says.

Dean nods and he gets out of his house, running towards the Impala. He drives as fast as the speed limit lets him. He is sooner than usually in front of the building and he waits nervously for the elevator to open its doors. Although it is the same path he has done a lot of times, time seems to go really slow. He wants and needs to know what is wrong with Cas and help him.

When he is in front of Cas’ door, he doesn’t ring the bell and he opens the door. He gets into the apartment and he finds Cas, with his elbows resting on the kitchen table. He is looking down at his hands. Dean walks towards him and he places his hand on Cas’ shoulder, making Cas jump a little in surprise; he clearly didn’t hear Dean getting inside the place.

“Cas, what happened?” Dean asks. He sees that Castiel’s eyes are glassy and a bit swollen; if he hasn’t cried, he is about to. He looks wrecked.

Castiel moves, until he is face to face with Dean, leaving no personal space in between. He looks so hurt. “Nothing happened,” Castiel answers with a trembling voice.

Dean frowns at that. He knows that Cas is telling the truth. “Then, why did you called saying that you needed me?”

“Because I need you.” His voice is weak. He makes a tired smile that confuses Dean even more. What is Cas talking about? It seems as if the question was written on his face, because Cas lets out a sarcastic and painful chuckle and he says, “You know what I’m talking about, Dean.”

“Cas, I don’t, what— what are you trying to tell me?” He grabs Castiel’s arms, squeezing them a little comfortingly. It makes Castiel’s eyes get closed.

When he opens his blue eyes after a while, a tear falls down from them. “I need you, Dean. I need you so bad. And I’m so tired of only having you in the way that I have you,” he begins to say. Dean’s heart stops beating, or it feels like that. His eyes go wide. Is Cas talking about what Dean thinks he is talking? It can’t be like that. But Cas keeps talking, “Dean, I— I need you. I have feelings for you.” With those words, Dean feels his chest clenching, as if he lost the capacity of breathing.

“Cas— you—” Dean mumbles. He can’t believe this is happening. Cas can’t be serious. Dean refuses to believe that. “You just need to rest, Cas.”

“No, I don’t need rest, Dean,” he snaps pissed off, closing his eyes in frustration. His hands go to Dean’s arms, mirroring the grip Dean has on his. Another tear falls during that. “Do you want to know why I never bottomed?” he asks with a really hurt voice. Dean frowns again. “Because I knew that the moment I let you do that, I was going to be so far gone for you and I was really scared of that. I tried to keep everything the way it was, but I couldn’t, I tried to keep some distance in between us, but it only screwed things.” He is breathing hard and Dean isn’t breathing at all. He feels a shiver running down his body. “And you know why I was that upset last Friday? Because I realized how much I needed you in my life, how much I wanted you in so many ways and I didn’t know how to tell you. And I was really scared of knowing how you would feel.”

“Cas— I—” Dean doesn’t know what to say. All this time, his mind hasn’t shut up for a moment about anything that had to do with Cas, and now it is in blank, avoiding him to speak up his mind or to say any coherent thing, words forming a thick limp in his throat, refusing to get out.

“I know that you feel the same way,” Castiel keeps saying. Dean feels how his heart starts to beat faster with that, wanting to get free from the prison of his chest. “I was so blind.” Castiel removes the few inches in between them. Their mouths are almost touching and their eyes are locked in each other’s gazes. Castiel moves his hands to cup Dean’s face. “Dean, please.” His voice is so needy and so hurt, getting into Dean. “I need you to fuck me. I need to feel you in me, I need you so bad.” After those words he kisses Dean, so needy and desperate.

“Cas, it’s not—” Dean tries to say, pulling his mouth away, but Castiel kisses him again, avoiding him to say another word.

“You want it, Dean,” Castiel whispers and he kisses him again. “You want me,” he murmurs in between another kiss. “You need me too.”

And Cas is so fucking right about it. “Fuck it,” Dean says and he cups Castiel’s face and he kisses him back in a breathtaking way that makes both of them moan and tremble, making their knees go weak.

The kiss is hot, rushed, needed, desperate and full of things they should have said a long time ago. As they kiss, Dean takes off his leather jacket and throws it on the couch. He keeps kissing Cas and he places his hands on the back of his thighs, almost lifting his feet from the floor.

“Jump,” Dean murmurs.

Castiel jumps and Dean holds him by the back of his thighs. Castiel’s legs embrace Dean’s waist and his hands are on his neck. They don’t stop kissing for a moment. Dean goes to the bedroom, with Cas in his arms, with all his limbs tangled around him, pressed together.

Dean drops Castiel onto the bed and he climbs onto him. They keep kissing with all the passion and the need in their hearts. They start to take off their clothes really fast and soon, they are completely naked, feeling skin against skin, with their hands mapping each other’s bodies.

For a moment, Dean pulls away his mouth from Cas, leaving some space in between their faces. He looks at Cas, who is panting and flushed. Dean looks at those eyes, overflowing warmth. He places his hand on Castiel’s face, cupping it, caressing with his thumb his cheek, without taking his green eyes from the blue ones that are looking back at him. It is as if they were saying with them what they can’t say with words. Castiel’s hand goes to Dean’s and he presses his palm against the back of Dean’s hand, fingers interlacing together. Dean doesn’t waste more time and he kisses Cas again, as he pulls away their hands from Cas’ face, keeping them locked together.

Dean, after grabbing the lube and the condom Cas keeps in the drawer, starts to open him up easily and softly, pressing and touching where he knows Cas likes it. Castiel trembles and moans under Dean. Both of his hands cup Dean’s face, fingers getting buried in his light, short hair, pulling Dean impossibly closer. It doesn’t take him too long to feel Cas perfectly loose around his fingers.

Before Dean pushes into Cas, they look at each other, without saying a word, as if they were seeing how a star is born. Dean kisses Castiel and he starts to push in. Cas is so fucking tight and warm and it sends pleasurable shivers down Dean’s body. Castiel moans pleased and his nails dig in Dean’s scalp. When Dean is completely settled, feeling that wonderful warmth and tightness around his cock, as if he finally found where he belonged to, he grabs Castiel’s hands and pulls them up, until they are pressed on the pillow and Dean holds them, Castiel immediately tangling their fingers together and kissing Dean.

Dean starts to fuck Cas, with needy and sweet thrusts. Castiel squeezes Dean’s hands. They keeps kissing, only parting their mouths when they have to moan, but every thrust Dean gives, is accompanied by a passionate kiss.

“Dean—” Castiel moans. He looks so beautiful right now, more than he has always looked. “Dean— Dean—” He moans again and again. He is only capable of saying Dean’s name in that wonderful way.

Right now, there are alarms sounding in the back of Dean’s mind, asking him what the hell is he doing, but he shuts them up. He has wanted this for too long, to feel Cas this way, to have him like this, and he knows he shouldn’t be doing it, but he doesn’t care right now; he only cares about the man he is joined to, seeing how much he is enjoying this. And it feels awesome.

Whenever Dean moans Cas’ name, he presses their foreheads together and their eyes meet, the forest and the ocean meeting again. They are already panting and sweating, but they don’t care. Dean keeps fucking Cas and Cas keeps rocking his hips. Castiel arches his back and Dean moans really loud when he clenches around him. Their hands squeeze together and they kiss after that.

This feels better than ever. Dean wants to get lost in Cas’ heat and be like this forever. He wants to have Cas like this for the rest of his life, and he wants Cas to have him like this too; no more friendship mixed with prostitution. He wants that so bad. But he knows he can’t have it.

Dean pushes away those thoughts quickly. He doesn’t want to think about that right now, he only wants to think about he and Cas, being like this. Dean fucks him harder and Cas squirms under him. Even his legs shake around Dean’s waist. Dean is driving him crazy and he can feel in his belly that Cas’ cock is twitching and about to come. He is about to come too, but he wants to last more, he doesn’t want this to end.

A few more thrusts make Cas’ whole body surrender and clench around Dean, finally making Castiel come. Dean comes almost at the same time. He collapses onto Cas, feeling how Cas squeezes their hands again. The warmth in Dean’s chest is spreading quickly, but something cold is trying to get over him. He knows what it is, but he wants to delay it as much as he can.

Castiel kisses him, needy but lazily and Dean kisses him back. When he opens his eyes, he can see Cas all flushed, not only because of the sex, with his wild, messy hair and a tiny, shy smile on his lips. His eyes are all warmth and fondness. And Dean can’t resist kissing him again and squeezing Cas’ hands tenderly.

Dean hates it, but he pushes out of Cas, which makes Castiel whimper and grunt. Dean tosses the condom away and he grabs a wet wipe to clean the mess of Cas’ come on their bellies. As he does that, Castiel looks at him with a sweet smile, but Dean is already thinking about what the hell all this meant.

“We should talk about this, don’t you think?” Dean says as he cleans the come from Castiel’s belly.

“It’s late, Dean,” Castiel says lazily. His hand caresses Dean’s forearm. “We have to wake up early tomorrow. We will talk later about it.”

“Okay,” Dean says. He would rather talk about it now, but Cas is right. Tomorrow both of them have to rise early and it will be better if they go to sleep now. So Dean throws at the bin the wet wipe and they get in the bed. Cas is soon pressed against his side and Dean places his arm around him. “Goodnight, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

 

***

 

Dean’s alarm rings and Castiel groans at it. He has heard it a couple of times, but he isn’t used to hear AC/DC waking him up at seven a.m. He feels how the mattress bounces a little when Dean gets up from the bed and walks towards his mobile phone, which is in his jeans pocket, and his jeans are lying on the floor.

“I’m gonna take a shower first, if you don’t mind,” Dean says as he saves his phone back inside the pocket after turning off the alarm.

“Okay,” Castiel yawns.

Dean grabs all his clothes and he leaves the bedroom. Castiel rubs his face and gets up from bed. He starts to collect all his clothes, scattered on the floor, as Dean’s were. He puts them back in their place, except his underwear, which he puts them off while he waits for Dean’s turn in the shower to finish. He will put them in the washing machine later. After that, he starts to prepare his clothes for today and he makes the bed.

Last night, he decided to finally nut up and call Dean and tell him those things he was willing to tell him. It was messy and Dean told him after they had sex that they needed to talk. Castiel didn’t leave things too clear. He was a mess last night, he needed to see Dean and tell him, because it was killing him. Since Friday, he wasn’t doing fine, and finally he collapsed and did that. Now he is scared of what Dean might want to talk about. He sounded really serious.

“Shower’s free!” Dean yells and Castiel goes to take his shower.

But the way Dean was last night, the way he looked at him, how he held their hands together, how he kissed him… It felt more like making love than having sex. It was wonderful. It had been years since Castiel bottomed, and he knows that he felt full with Dean, he felt how Dean took away his emptiness and filled every single inch of his body. He had never felt like that before.

He gets out from the bathroom and he dresses in his bedroom, as quick as always. The smell from the breakfast Dean is making fills the whole house, increasing Castiel’s appetite. The smell of bacon and pancakes is overwhelming and it warms Castiel’s heart.

When he gets out of the bedroom and heads to the kitchen, the breakfast is already on the table and Dean is waiting for him, standing next to the table, looking impatient and even nervous.

“We need to talk. Now,” Dean says walking the few steps that separate them. His green eyes are glassy and Castiel’s heart clenches with that picture.

“What is it?” Castiel asks as soften and calmed as he can.

“What the hell was last night about? What did all those things you told me mean?”

Castiel frowns confused. “You know what they meant.” Definitely, Castiel wasn’t expecting him to embrace the topic this way.

“I know what they meant, but they can’t be true.” He shakes his head and he looks really hurt, something that disconcerts Castiel.

“Why do you say so?” His voice comes half hurt and half confused.

“Because you can’t mean that!” he exclaims exasperated. He takes a deep breath and he rubs his eyes tiredly, even frustrated.

“Of course I mean it!” he exclaims too. Dean clenches his jaw and Castiel can see how his Adam’s apple moves as Dean swallows. “I’m not understanding what you are trying to tell me, Dean.” He tries to keep his voice calm, the last thing they need is to sound mean to each other.

“I don’t know what last night was about!”

Castiel narrows his eyes. He really doesn’t know what it is so hard for Dean to understand. He might have confessed his feeling quite messily, but Castiel knows he was quite clear despite of everything. “Dean, I told you that I had feelings for you and that I needed you and that I know that you feel the same way about me. I think I left it pretty clear!”

“It makes no sense!” Dean yells frustrated and hurt. Castiel realizes that his eyes are getting glassier and redder. He is willing to cry, but he is holding back his tears.

“Dean, for fuck’s shake!” He exhales sharply and looks at those green eyes he loves too much. “Dean, I lov—”

“No!” Dean yells really loud, interrupting Castiel and Castiel looks shocked and perplexed by it. Dean seems terrified, even his face has turned paler. “Don’t you dare to say that.” His voice is angry and heartbreaking and Castiel doesn’t understand it. “You can’t— you don’t.” He looks as if he was trying to understand the hardest physics problem in the world. He sounds heartbreaking and Castiel can’t understand why. He even looks broken and it is confusing Castiel. “Not for me,” he whispers really low that Castiel almost misses his words.

Castiel approaches Dean a little. “Dean, I do. I lov—”

But Dean interrupts him again. “No! Cas! No!” With that, Castiel’s heart breaks a little. Is Dean rejecting him? It looks like that. “This isn’t how things work! This isn’t supposed to happen! I can’t let you do that! You can’t do that! It’s not— No!” he yells, almost sobbing.

“What are you trying to say?” His voice comes breathy, as if he was scared of knowing the answer, and the truth is that he is really scared of it. “I’m telling you the truth, what I feel and you keep saying all those things! I don’t understand where you want to go with all those words!”

“What I’m telling you it’s that we can’t feel like that! This wasn’t supposed to happen! Everything shouldn’t be this messy and complicated! You aren’t supposed to have feelings in this thing we’ve got! You can’t! Not for someone like me!”

“That’s what this is all about?!” he yells furiously. He finally understands what Dean was trying to say. And it hurts him a lot and it makes him really furious. “That you want things to be like they were the first day?! That’s all you care about?!”

“You misunderstood me!” Dean yells furiously and he looks more hurt. “You can’t feel like that for someone like me!” It hurts to know that Dean thinks he is still lying.

Castiel grunts. “I’m so stupid for believing that you were more than just a fucking whore!” he yells furiously. The moment he says those words, he knows that he shouldn’t have said it, he didn’t want to say something like that, but it slipped. Castiel freezes and he looks at Dean, all hurt and broken. Dean moves away, towards the couch, to grab his coat and Castiel follows him, feelings his legs trembling. He is about to grab Dean’s shoulder. “Dean, I didn’t mean—”

“No, that’s exactly what you meant,” Dean says, showing away. His eyes are about to let tears fall down. “And you know what? You are right.” He puts on his jacket and Castiel looks at him confused and hurt. “I’m just a fucking whore. And I’m a fucking idiot for thinking that I was more than that to you.” With that, Castiel opens his eyes widely. Dean didn’t mean exactly what Castiel thought. Then, what did he mean? He is so stupid, he hurt Dean because he misunderstood things.

Dean starts to walk towards the main door and Castiel follows him. “Dean! I didn’t mean it! You have to believe me!” he says almost sobbing. This shouldn’t be happening. He misunderstood things; he thought Dean was trying to say that this shouldn’t happen because he wanted to stick with what they have, but clearly, he wasn’t saying that.

Dean turns over, tears have fallen down his beautiful face. The white in his eyes has been replaced by red, and his eyes look greener than usually. “Of course you meant it. That’s what I am, Cas. A fucking whore!” he yells angrily, clenching his teeth and Castiel hates being the reason behind Dean’s pain. “You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t think so.” He walks the small space left from where he stands and the door and he opens the door, he turns to give Castiel another painful sight. “Goodbye, Castiel.”

“Dean—” he says with a heartbreaking voice. Dean always says ‘see you’, not ‘goodbye’.

Castiel wants to run after him and explain him things, but his legs don’t work, they feel extremely heavy, avoiding him to move and his voice seems to be gone. He fucked it up. He fucking fucked it up so bad.

Castiel falls onto his knees and starts crying.

 

***

 

Dean runs downstairs as fast as he can. He gets into his Impala and he drives towards his house. He needs to pick Sammy up and he doesn’t give a shit if he sees him like this. Right now, Dean needs to get away from this place as soon as possible.

He was trying to tell Cas that they couldn’t feel like that, because they would end up hurting each other, because he deserves someone better than Dean, but Dean sucks with words. And Cas misunderstood him and told him those words that hurt more than anything in this world. He almost told Dean that he loved him, for fuck’s shake, and Dean kept denying it because Cas can’t love someone like him. He tried to show him the reasons and Cas told him that he was just a fucking whore. And that’s what Dean has always been; only a fucking whore. Nothing else, nothing more.

Dean lets out a painful groan as he hits with one hand the wheel. He isn’t sure how he doesn’t have a car accident. He doesn’t want to see Cas again, not after all of this. They fucked things up completely. He knew this was going to happen, but he didn’t know it would be like this and this terrible. Cas meant it; he wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it. That’s what Dean has always been for him, and it hurts. Last night was a complete lie. And Cas’ words were lies. It hurts so fucking much.

Dean arrives home the moment Sam gets out of it. Sam seems glad to see him and he gets into the car. The moment he sees his brother, Sam’s face turns into a scared and worried one.

“What happened?” Sam asks extremely worried.

“Cas and I broke up,” Dean says.

“Why?”

Dean sniffs and he tries to fight against his tears, but he can’t. He isn’t going to university today. Fuck it. He is going to stay in his bed the whole day. He isn’t in the mood to go to classes. He isn’t going to pay any attention at all.

The drive is spent in silence, with Sam looking at his big brother. Dean realizes that Sam is still waiting for an answer. “We argued and he told me things that hurt me,” he explains weakly the moment they are in front of Sam’s high school.

“Dean—”

“Just get out Sam,” Dean sobs. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay,” he says hurt. He gets out of the car, turning his face to look at Dean.

Dean drives back home and he gets in his bed. He cries more than ever. He wants to cry until there isn’t any tear left inside him. He buries his face in the pillow and covers himself with the quilt, as if with that he could hide forever from the rest of the world. If all those feelings and all that pain was as easy to remove as pulling up a cover was, everything in Dean’s life would be easier.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)
> 
> Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) couldn't beta this chapter, but once she does it, I will upload it beated ^^
> 
>  **IMPORTANT:** My finals are approaching and I'm afraid I'm going to have to take an hiatus on writing, which means I won't be able to update this fic or any other in a while. So next chapter will be published on **June 15th**. I'm so sorry for this.

Of course that Dean doesn’t show up in Castiel’s apartment on Friday. He doesn’t do that on Saturday either. But Castiel expected it; after their argument, Dean wasn’t going to come back. Castiel insulted him, he hurt him, Dean is in his right of not wanting to see him ever again. But Castiel wants to apologize, to tell him that he didn’t want to say that, that he misunderstood things and he thought things that weren’t true. The problem is that he thought the worst of Dean and that hurt Dean a lot.

Castiel presses his knees against his chest and buries his face on them. He is in the couch, trying to feel better, but he can’t. How is he going to feel better if he hurt so much the most important person in his life? He wants to hurt himself, to throw things, to yell until his lungs are burning. He is the fucking worst.

He grabs his phone and he looks at it. He sent every day since he and Dean argued some text messages, apologizing to Dean for what he said, but Dean never answered. He must be ignoring him. He doesn’t blame him. Castiel knows that there isn’t anything he can do to fix what he did.

Castiel takes a deep breath and he feels how he wants to cry again. He has been crying every night. His heart hurts painfully and it hurts more knowing that Dean must be feeling worse than he is. And the worst part is that he is the one behind all Dean’s pain.

 

***

 

Dean is in his bedroom. He hasn’t almost left it since Thursday. He only got out on Friday to drive Sam to high school. He also gets out to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for Sam, but Dean barely eats. He has lost his appetite. He also gets out to get into the bathroom. But ninety percent of the time, Dean is in the bedroom. He only gets out of it for Sam.

Today is Sunday, and Charlie, Kevin and Jess came over to play videogames. Sam told Dean to join them, but Dean wasn’t in the mood and he doesn’t want to bring anyone down. He knows his brother and his friends will try to cheer him up, but no one can do that, no matter how hard he tries.

He can hear their voices coming from the living room. He doesn’t know what they are talking about and he doesn’t care. They don’t sound as happy as usually; they must be worried about him. Dean takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, hoping that he will take a small nap or something. He doesn’t have any strength to do anything else.

He even had to convince Sam that he called to work to tell them he wasn’t feeling good and they gave him the days off. Sam bought it and he didn’t question it. Dean isn’t sure what he is going to do next week. He doesn’t want to keep being a whore. Not after this.

His phone buzzes and Dean knows it is a message, and he knows who must be the one who sent it. He grabs his phone and he sees that the message is from Cas, naturally. Dean doesn’t read it and he puts back the mobile in its place. Cas has been sending him text messages since Thursday and he hasn’t read any of them. He doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want any apology from Cas, he left it clear enough; Dean is just a fucking whore. And he meant it.

Dean hides his face under the blankets and closes his eyes strongly, as if he could appear somewhere far away and start over from all this shit. But nothing of that is going to happen.

He doesn’t know how many time passes until his door is opened and he hears some steps. He knows they belong to two people. Dean doesn’t pull the sheet down while he hears those steps, but someone does it, and that person is Charlie.

“Hey,” Charlie says kindly. She is kneeling on the floor and one of her elbows is on the mattress. With her other hand, she starts to caress Dean’s hair. “It’s been a few days since we last seen.”

“Yeah,” Dean murmurs. He spots Sam behind Charlie, sitting on the chair. “What are you doing here?”

“Jess and Kevin just left and I wanted to see how my friend was doing,” she answers really sweetly.

“Like shit.”

“I can tell. Sam’s told me you’ve like this since Thursday.” Her hands are warm and gentle and it soothes Dean a little. “What happened, Dean?”

Dean hasn’t told anyone what happened exactly. He doesn’t know what lie he can tell. Sam hasn’t pushed, he has seen how fucked up Dean is, and he knows that he needs his time, but Sam is really worried and tries to get Dean out of the bed as much as he can, but Dean stays there.

“Things fucked up,” Dean finally says.

“And how?” Charlie’s voice is soft, making Dean want to fall asleep with it. Her voice is always showing enthusiasm, but right now, it is really soft. Dean doesn’t remember hearing his friend like this before.

“We argued.”

“We know that, Dean,” Sam says. His voice is soft and sweet too. Dean knows they are talking like this because they don’t want to hurt Dean more. “But why did you two argue?”

“It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“What did he did or say that it hurt you?” Charlie asks without stopping combing Dean’s hair.

“How do you know it was like that?” He opens his eyes and gives her ginger friend a confused frown.

Sam speaks this time. “Because if you were the one who fucked things up, you wouldn’t be like this. You would be trying to fix things or doing something different than staying in bed. You wouldn’t look this hurt and weak.” He sounds so sad and devastated. Sam doesn’t want to see his brother like this.

“He just—” Dean takes a deep breath and closes his eyes to avoid those sad eyes from Sam and Charlie looking at him. “He just told me things I didn’t want to hear, things that I thought he would never say to me and—” He takes another breath, unable to continue. It hurts to remember that morning.

“It’s okay,” Charlie says pressing a kiss on his forehead. “Take it easy.” That feeling of not being able to breathe properly comes back to Dean. Charlie feels it and she presses her cheek against Dean’s forehead as she keeps combing Dean’s hair. “Just breathe, Dean. Me and Sam are here. Don’t worry.” Sam stands up from the chair and he squeezes Dean’s arm, letting him know that he is there.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Sam says in a calm voice.

It’s not okay. It was never okay. It will never be okay. He wants to go back in time and stop it just in the moment when he and Cas were cuddling after the sex they had on Wednesday’s night, still in one body, without worrying about anything. He wants to be pressed against Cas, with their hands tangled, their foreheads touching, panting together and looking at each other with all the love in their hearts, or what it seemed to be Cas’ love. But he can’t go there again. Not after what happened next morning. It hurts so much to just remember it.

“Hey, you’ve gotta calm down, Dean,” Sam whispers. Dean nods. He knows he has to calm down, that he has to move on, to leave this bed and keep with his life. He has done that over and over again when something fucked him up, but this time, he has lost all his strength and everything hurts too much. He hates being this weak and this pathetic.

He doesn’t know how, but he falls asleep.

When he wakes up, he doesn’t open his eyes. He doesn’t know for how long he has been sleeping, but he can hear the murmurs from Charlie and Sam; they are still in his bedroom. It isn’t too late yet, it isn’t suppertime yet, by the amount of light that still leaks through the window, there must be a couple of hours left to suppertime.

“I don’t know how this happened,” Sam murmurs. He isn’t too far from Dean’s bed, Dean guesses. He must be sitting on that chair again. Charlie is sitting on the edge of the bed, he feels it on the mattress. Sam lets out an exhausted deep breathe. “I don’t understand it.”

“Me neither,” Charlie whispers. She sounds really sad. “You had to see them in the cafeteria, like a lovely couple. I’ve never seen Dean that happy. And Cas was looking at him as if Dean was the most important person in the world. He was so in love with him, every single part of him was shouting it, and—” She sighs. “I don’t get it. But Dean’s really hurt for that and it must have been something really terrible.”

“Yeah, I know. He doesn’t give any explanation about it. But I’ve never seen him like this, as if he wanted to give up everything,” Sam talks in a heartbreaking voice that hurts Dean a lot. “I wish I could help him, but— He refuses to talk about it and he is so tired of everything. I just want him to be better.”

“Me too, Sam. But you are gonna have to give him time. His heart broke. And this is the first time he has had his heart broke.” She takes a deep breath and Dean feels how she caresses his temple. “They were so perfect together, they loved each other, how could everything fall apart like that?”

“I don’t know. And I’m scared to know that it was because some stupid thing.”

“It’s always about stupid things, Sam.” Her fingers caress Dean’s hair, brushing it gently. “But you heard him, Cas told him things he never thought he would say. That’s what hurt him. Knowing that Cas could see beyond his crap, but he didn’t.”

Dean wants to cry with that. Charlie is right, that’s what hurt. That Cas left it really clear that Dean was just a fucking whore. All those times he told him that it wasn’t like that were lies. Deep down, Castiel always knew and thought that Dean was nothing more than a whore. A fucking whore.

“Do you think he will be fine one day?” Sam asks with a trembling voice. Dean thinks that if he opens his eyes, he will see his little brother with glassy eyes.

“He’s always fine, Sam. That’s how Dean works. He buries his feelings and he keeps going, telling everyone he is fine even when he isn’t,” Charlie speaks with a serious and worried voice.

“I know that, Charlie. I meant if he will be able to leave that bed,” Sam explains. “I can’t see him like that, it hurts me a lot. I want him to be better and to smile again, to be Dean, not this broken shelf. I know that he needs time, but he doesn’t get better and— I’m really worried about him, Charlie. I don’t want him to suffer more. He does a lot, he goes through a lot of shit and he doesn’t deserve any of this.” He takes a deep breath and Dean hears a choked sob. “He’s had enough in his life.”

“You are right, Sam.” Her fingers keep combing Dean’s hair. “He will get better. Sooner or later. You know how stubborn he is. He never gives up, even in his worst moments, Dean always finds a way to rise again and keep fighting. You know that better than anyone.”

“Yeah. He is stronger than he thinks. I just want him to be happy again.”

“We all want that.”

Dean doesn’t open his eyes for a moment and pretends to be sleeping. Charlie is soon gone. When Dean opens his eyes again, his bedroom is empty and he knows it is time to make dinner for him and Sam. They don’t say a word during that and Dean is soon back to his bed.

He has to get through this. And he needs to stop worrying everyone. They are all worried and suffering because of him. So Dean has to find the strength he lacks to get out of his bed and keep going on with his life, like he always does, like he has always done. He knows a huge part of his life has gone with Cas, but he has an awesome brother and awesome friend, and he has a lot of people who cares about him. He has to hold onto them to get better.

Next day, Sam is surprised when Dean tells him he is going to class. And he is really happy to see that Dean eating a bit more than usually. Dean even makes a tiny smile when Sam tells him that he is glad to see him trying to get better. And Dean knows this is going to take time, but he wants to get over it and he is going to try so hard.

 

***

 

“Okay, you are going to tell me what happened between you and your ken doll,” Balthazar says annoyed after closing the door behind him. He didn’t even knock at it, he simply got into Cas’ office.

“He’s not a ken doll,” Castiel says. It has been a week since his argument with Dean. He keeps sending him text messages but Dean never answers them and he is sure that he doesn’t even read them. Dean in his right to do that, but Cas keeps some hope, even if he knows it is a complete waste of time. Dean isn’t going to forgive him.

“Whatever.” Balthazar sits on the chair in front of Castiel’s desk and he leans his arms on the desk. With concerning and calculative eyes, he looks at Castiel. “What happened with him? This week you have been more upset than ever. You barely speak, you barely eat and you try to get away from everyone whenever you can. And the circles around your eyes are getting worse and worse with the days.”

“Are you spying me or what?” he says annoyed.

“Even your sass isn’t the same. It used to be full of witty and smartass, now it is only dry and acid. What happened between Dean and you? If he hurt you, I’m going to keep that rounded ass of him.”

“He didn’t hurt me,” Castiel says looking down. He doesn’t want to meet Balthazar’s eyes. “I was the one who hurt him.”

“You? I found that impossible.” he says confused.

“We were arguing, I misunderstood what he was trying to tell me and I said things I shouldn’t have said that hurt him and he left. I guess we kind of broke up,” he explains with a breathy voice. He remembers Dean’s tears and how painful his face was. Castiel’s words hurt him a lot, more than anything. He has replayed that morning over and over again, feeling guilty and stupid for not understanding what Dean was trying to say.

“You tried to apologize?” Balthazar asks. Now his voice is serious and worried.

Castiel nods. “I text him every day, but he doesn’t answer. I’m sure he doesn’t even read them.” He takes a deep breath and he rubs his face. “I fucked it up so bad, Balthazar. I hurt him a lot.” He pulls his hands away from his face, showing Balthazar his glassy eyes. “The moment he left, he was crying and looking in so much pain, and all because of me. He trusted me not to hurt him ever and I hurt him and—” He looks up to avoid the tears, but some of them manage to fall. He clenches his teeth and inhales sharply, wiping the cold trail left by his tears. “I lost him forever, all because I thought he was saying something different and I was really angry and I said something terrible.”

“Stop blaming you, Cassie.”

“How am I not going to blame myself?” he asks hurt. “I love him and I pushed him away because I was a complete idiot. He has never been good with words, I knew it, and instead of trying to know what he was talking about, I just hurt his heart and broke it in million pieces and make him get out of my life forever.” He covers his eyes with his hands, hiding himself from his friend. He starts to breath difficultly, feeling his heart clenching painfully.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Balthazar murmurs.

“Yeah.” Castiel sniffs and moves his hands away to rest them on the desk, feeling the coldness of the wood. “I’m sorry too. For fucking up the best thing that happened in my life and hurting him more than anyone.”

There’s a silence before Balthazar speaks up again. “Do you still love him?”

“I do.” He knows that he will still love him for so long, even if he knows he has completely lost Dean.

“And does he love you?”

Dean didn’t say it. He knows that Dean has a hard time with words. But by the way Dean looked when they made love that night and when Cas told him he was just a fucking whore, he knows that Dean loves him. He could see how his heart broke with those words. And a heart doesn’t break like that when someone you don’t love hurts you.

“He does,” Castiel says. His heart sinks with those words.

“Then, you have to keep fighting for him, Cassie. It’s going to be hard, because you fucked it up, but if he truly loves you, you’ll still have a chance,” Balthazar says with a comforting smile.

Castiel wants to believe Balthazar’s words, but he knows it is almost impossible that will happen. Dean won’t forgive him. Castiel broke his heart in millions of pieces and there’s no way Dean can find forgiveness in his broken heart. But he still says, “Thank you, Balthazar.”

“And cheer up.” He stands up from the chair, without taking his eyes from Castiel. The look is concerned and serious, but he has a tiny grin drawn on the lips. “It’s hard, but being like this, will do no good.”

“I know that.”

Balthazar moves his arm towards Castiel so he can squeeze his arm to give him encouragement. Castiel forces a weak smile and nods before his friend leaves. He knows he has to cheer up, but it is so hard; the pain, the self-hatred and the regret don’t let him cheer up. And the worst of all it is knowing that Dean must be feeling even worse than him. All because of his fault.

Castiel sighs and looks at his phone. He knows that Dean must be home now. He knows he isn’t going to pick up the phone, but Castiel still calls him. There are some rings before he is sent directly to the voice mail. Of course that Dean wasn’t going to pick it up. But Castiel is still going to leave a message.

“Dean, I know you are probably not going to hear this but—” Castiel takes a deep breath. His voice comes heartbreaking and weak. He wants to cry again. Not a day passes without him crying about Dean. Some days he cries more than others, but he always drops some tears. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, trust me, I know it too well. But I still want you to know how sorry I am for what happened.” He rubs his eyes and sighs. “I misunderstood you and I was really angry and I fucked it up Dean, I fucked it up so bad.” He lets out a sob. He clenches his teeth because he doesn’t want to cry more, he needs to get those words out of him, even if Dean is never going to hear them. “The worst of all is that I promised you I will never hurt you and I hurt you. All because I didn’t understand what you were trying to say and I thought the worst of you. I won’t forgive myself for that and I know you won’t forgive me, I don’t deserve it.”

He makes a small silence, just enough to catch his breath and he keeps talking. “I just hope that you will feel better soon and that you find someone who deserves you, someone who isn’t a shit like me. I was never good enough for you and I will never be, Dean.” He doesn’t fight against his tears. It hurts so much to let those words out. “I want you to be happy and I’m not the right person for that. I hurt you and it is the worst thing I could do. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry Dean. I’m so sorry for hurting the person I most love. I—” He looks up at the ceiling, feeling the tears in his eyes, falling without a stop. He makes a chocked breath. “I love you. You won’t hear it, I know, but— just if someday you decide to listen to this, I just want you to know that I’m sorry and that— you deserve better. So much better.” He inhales sharply. “Goodbye, Dean.”

 

***

 

Dean still has to pretend he is working, so tonight, he is going to park somewhere out of the city until his supposed turn finishes. But before that, he is going to go to the Red Candy Club to let Gabriel know that he is quitting from this work. After what happened with Cas, Dean is incapable of sleeping with some stranger for money. Not only because he feels sick from being a whore, but also because he doesn’t want to have sex with anyone else. He hates Cas a lot for what he did, for what he said, for how bad he made him feel, but Dean still craves to be with Cas, even if things have fallen apart and there’s no way to fix it. And he hates himself for being this stupid to still want Cas like that.

He parks the Impala outside the club and he gets in the club. The moment he gets in, all the whores look at him. He hasn’t been in the club for months and Dean is sure that all of them knew about his schedule with Cas, so they must know that if Dean is here, it means that something bad happened. But Dean doesn’t care about them right now. He doesn’t care about the looks. He has enough with his self-hate.

Dean knocks Gabriel’s office door and soon, Gabriel says, “Come in.” So Dean does it. “Dean! It’s been a long time since I last saw you!” The short man stands up from his chair and greets him with a warm smile. He really seems glad to see Dean. “Sit down.” Dean walks towards the chair in front of Gabriel’s desk and he sits down on it. “Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be working right now?” He looks at his watch with a frown.

“That’s why I’m here. Cas and I— we are no longer—” Dean starts to say difficulty. It still hurts to remember everything. Those scars aren’t going to heal easily and they will never fade away. “It’s over,” he finally says. And it sounds as if they broke up from a relationship, or at least it feels like that.

“Oh no,” Gabriel says with an unbelief face. “I never expected you were going to fall in love with a client,” he says shocked.

Dean opens his mouth to babble, but he only makes noises and it makes Gabriel arch his brow. Dean looks away. A blush is trying to make its way into his cheeks. He isn’t in love with Cas, if he says that, everything will hurt more and he won’t be able to move on. “I’m not in— y’know— I don’t—”

“Dean, we both know you are better liar,” he sasses. Dean looks at Gabriel with shyness and a slightly glare. “I must admit I never thought this was going to happen. Dean Winchester in love. Wow.”

“I am not—”

“Please, Dean.” His stare is intense and serious, showing that he is offended by Dean’s lies. “You have it written all over your face.” With his index finger he draws a circle around his face. Dean clenches his teeth and he nails the armrest of the chair he is sitting on. “And I guess you aren’t also quitting Castiel, you are also quitting from here completely, huh?”

Sometimes Dean doesn’t give Gabriel enough credit. The guy sometimes reads people too good. “Yeah. I can’t do it anymore, Gabe.” He looks down at his lap. “I still need money, but— after what happened with Cas, I can’t. Not anymore. Not with anyone. I can’t do anything of this again.” It doesn’t matter who he has sex with, how completely different a stranger’s face will be from Castiel’s, Dean will see Cas over and over again.

“What happened? Did he hurt you?” He sounds extremely worried.

“I don’t wanna talk about it. We just— argued and he said things that I didn’t want to hear and— y’know.” He shrugs and tries to sound casually, but his voice is all filled with pain. It’s been more than a week and it still feels as if all happened yesterday.

Gabriel sighs. “I’m sorry to hear that.” It makes Dean grimace and look at the golden brown eyes of Gabriel. There’s pity and sympathy on them. If Gabriel is looking at him like that, it must because Dean has painted his pain in every corner of his face. “So this is it?”

“This is it.” He didn’t know this day will come this soon. He knew he was going to quit the moment Sam finished his studies or when Dean found out a good job related with what he is studying, whatever that happened first; he wasn’t expecting to end things up like this, and much less because of Cas.

“Well, if that’s what you want, do it.” He makes a sympathetic smile, but it is warm. There isn’t pity anymore, only some sadness. “I hope everything will be good for you from now on, Dean.” He stands up and Dean does the same.

Gabriel offers his hand and Dean shakes it. “I hope so, Gabe.”

“If you ever need anything, you know where I am.”

Dean smiles. It’s nice to hear that. “Thanks.”

When they pull their hands away, Dean turns over and walks towards the door. He leaves Gabriel’s office and he walks outside the Red Candy Club. He has spent so many nights here, but he isn’t going to miss this place. He doesn’t have good memories from here. He is only going to miss Gabriel, but he can live with that. He doesn’t want to come to that place again. It brings back too many painful memories. Here’s where all started with Cas. And that’s the worst memory.

Dean doesn’t look back as he walks away from the club. He gets into his Impala and drives outside the city, to find some place to park his babe and sit down on its hood to watch the starry night. It is cold, but he doesn’t care, the night is beautiful.

He still has some hours to spend there, under the dark and starry sky. He has to pretend that he still has his job. He will have to do this until he finds another job. But he doesn’t know what he will find or what he wants to find. Right now, he doesn’t want to think about it. It has been a tiring and hard week, and he needs to heal from Cas’ wounds. If he ever manages to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that next update won't be until **June 15th**


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long waiting, but finally. All of you have been so lovely and patience and I'm so grateful about it.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)
> 
> Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) couldn't beta this chapter, but once she does it, I will upload it beated ^^

Like most Wednesdays, Dean sits on the couch after dinner. Usually he watches a movie, but tonight he isn’t in the mood of that. He doesn’t even switch on the TV. He only needs to sit down and disconnect from everything. It has been almost two weeks since his fight with Cas and he isn’t over it. He is a bit better, and sometimes he has even managed to make an actual smile, but those moments are rare and occasional; the rest of his time, Dean is somewhere else, with his mind thinking about things that shouldn’t, and all are about Cas and every different kind of crap that Dean’s mind has.

Sam sits down, next to him and frowns at Dean and then at the television. “You aren’t gonna watch anything?” Sam asks puzzled.

“Not in the mood,” Dean murmurs.

Sam sighs and looks at Dean, but Dean’s eyes are fixed somewhere in the wall, not looking at anything in special; he is trying to leave his mind blank. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“About what?” His voice comes tiredly. He knows what Sam wants to talk about, but Dean really doesn’t want to.

“You know what.” He sounds a bit irritated, but he tries not to. Despite of Dean’s improvement, Sam still sees and knows that Dean isn’t fully Dean, and he is still really worried about him. Dean takes a deep breath. “I’m worried about you.”

“I know Sam, but you should stop worrying. I’m fine.”

“No, you are not!” he exclaims. Dean turns his face to stare at his brother. “I didn’t want to yell. Sorry.” He looks down ashamed.

“It’s okay, Sammy.” He makes a tiny smile to take away his little brother’s shames.

Sam makes a half smile and he looks at his brother. “Dean, I just want to know what happened exactly between you two,” he starts to say. Dean makes an uncomfortable face. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay, but sooner or later, you have to share that with someone else. Because if you keep it to yourself, if it is only to keep hurting you forever.”

Sometimes Dean feels as if he was the little brother and Sam was the older one. Sam is wisest than Dean in so many aspects. It makes Dean feel proud about it, because he was the one who practically raised Sam, and it seems that after all, he did a nice job.  
“Okay,” Dean finally says, sighing. He knows this is going to be painful, but Sam is the right person to talk about this. “Ask me anything you want to know.”

“Are you serious?” Sam says, shocked for the fact that Dean is finally going to talk about it.

“Yeah. Shot.”

“Why did he call you that night? What happened?” Sam asks intrigued and worried. He wants to know, but Dean knows that the moment he sees something really painful flickering on his face, Sam will stop.

Dean takes a deep breath. “He needed to see me. He needed to tell me that he was tired of having me the way he had me, that he had feelings for me.” Dean looks away from his brother’s eyes; it is easier to tell this story without Sam’s eyes reacting with every word he says, showing sadness and a bit of pity. “He told me that he knew that I felt the same. I didn’t know what to say, I wanted to process everything and Cas was so fucking wrecked, so needy, kissing me and we made love that night. It wasn’t like the casual sex we used to have. That was different. It was something completely different and awesome.” He remembers the heat, how their hands were together, how they looked at each other, how Cas moaned his name, how it felt as if they were one.

“And why did you argue?”

“That was in the morning. Before we fell asleep, I told Cas that we had to talk about it, but he said we would do it in the morning. And that’s what we did. I asked him what last night meant. I was still trying to process what happened and I—” He takes a deep breath and looks at his lap. He inhales sharply. “I couldn’t believe that he was being serious. I couldn’t let him take that other step because if we did, I would hurt him and I didn’t want that.” He closes his eyes and exhales sharply again. All those memories are still perfectly vivid in his head. He has replayed them over and over again, hating everything from that morning. “You know I’m not good with words and it seems that Cas didn’t understand what I was saying and he got really pissed off and I told him he misunderstood me, but he was convinced that it wasn’t like that.” He looks up and rests his head on the back of the couch, looking at the ceiling. “And then, he said something that I never thought he would say about me.”

“What did he say?” Sam asks.

 _Just a fucking whore_. But Dean can’t say that. He takes a few breathes and closes his eyes. “He used to say I was fully of worth, that I was extraordinary. He always wanted me to believe that I was good and worthy and he made me believe it, just a little. And he said that he was stupid for believing I was more than just a fucking worthless shit.” It’s not the same, but for Dean it feels like it.

“Oh crap,” Sam says. His voice sounds really hurt.

“Yeah.” Dean doesn’t open his eyes. He feels a tear falling down his face. He was wondering when tears will finally decide to appear. “Cas shocked when he said that. He tried to apologize, to tell me that he didn’t mean it, but I know he meant it. So I left.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it either, Dean. He was pissed off,” Sam starts to say. Dean opens his eyes and glares his brother. “I’m not saying that what he told you was right, I’m just saying that he was angry and he said something he shouldn’t.”

“I know that, Sammy. But when you are arguing with someone you always say things that you truly believe, to hurt that person, and that’s what he did.”

Sam sighs and there’s a small silence. Dean rests his nape on the backrest of the couch. He closes his eyes and takes a long and deep breath. Sam breaks the silence with his words, “I still don’t understand how and why, he was— he seemed to be in love with you, Dean. He seemed to be deeply in love with you.”

“He was it,” Dean finally says, his voice breaking. He opens his eyes and he can see from the corner of his eye that Sam is frowning in confusion. “He tried to tell me that, but I cut him off twice, telling him that he couldn’t do that.”

“You did what?!” he exclaims sharply, making Dean startle on the couch. “He told you that he loved you and you cut him off?! Why?!”

“Because I know he didn’t love me! How could he love someone as broken as me?!” Dean doesn’t feel when the tears came back to his eyes, but the moment he starts to speak, they are falling without any trouble at all. “I’m not good enough for him! I never was! I’ll never be!” He starts to breathe with difficulty, feeling the shame and the anger running through his body. “I was gonna hurt him and I couldn’t do that for him! I couldn’t let both of us go through that! And he showed me what he thought about me and I left! I don’t wanna see him again!”

Sam shakes his head. “You want to see him again, Dean,” he says with a calming and sad voice, but there’s also some anger too. Dean frowns. Sam sighs at his brother’s welter. “You have never stopped wanting to see him again.” He places his hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezes comfortingly. “You told me that he is still sending you text messages, and I’ve seen you staring at your phone, wondering if it is time to finally read them. But you just ignore them. If you didn’t want to see him again, you would delete those texts the moment he sends them.”

Fuck, Sam knows him too fucking well. Dean has looked at his phone, trying to look at those messages, but he never does, because he is trying so hard to forget Cas and push him away completely out of his life, but he can’t. Everything reminds him of Cas and every fiber of his being wants to see him again, to kiss him and be in his arms, despite of hating him for what he told him. He never finds the strength to delete those messages.

Dean rubs his eyes exhaustedly. Sam keeps talking, “And he loved you.” Dean turns his face to look at his brother’s eyes. “Not because he told you. Remember when you caught me talking with him in the hospital and I told you I was gonna tell him about that Batman’s story of yours?”

“Yeah,” Dean says narrowing his eyes.

“I was talking about how he needed to know that when it came to feelings, you were easy to hurt. He told me that he didn’t want to hurt you, that if he ever hurt you, he would never forgive himself. He also told me that you made him feel special and full of worth, and happier than ever. That you were the most important person for him. That’s when I realized how in love he was with you, but he didn’t want to recognize it yet.”

Dean swallows hard, as if he had a stone stuck in the middle of his throat. He knows Sam isn’t lying. He can’t believe Cas told all those things. He feels dizzy and his head is spinning. His chest feels that sudden compression, avoiding him to breathe properly and he feels as if his heart was beating this fast to get out of his chest.

“You know what the problem is? That you never admitted that you loved him,” Sam keeps saying and he sounds really hurt, even his eyes show his pain. “You were always saying that you weren’t good enough for him, that you weren’t ready for a relationship and you weren’t only hurting yourself with that, you were hurting Cas too.” Sam’s words are so true that they hurt. “You were so blind, trying to protect yourself from getting hurt and trying not to fuck things up that you couldn’t see how much he loved you and you couldn’t figure it out that you had been in love for Cas since a long a time.”

Dean lets out a choky sob and he rubs his eyes. Sam is right; he has been so blind. He was trying so hard not to get attached to Cas, not to fuck things up in order not to get both of them hurt that he couldn’t see that Cas felt like him. And things finally fell apart when no one of them expected it.

“Fuck, I was so fucking stupid,” Dean grunts as he presses his palms against his closed eyes. “I’m so fucking stupid.” He wants to kick everything and hate himself for everything.

He feels Sam’s hand around his shoulders. “Maybe it’s not too late to fix things,” Sam says with a soft voice.

“I think it is. I fucked it up. He fucked it up. This is so screwed up that I don’t think there’s any possible way to fix this shit.” He looks at his boots after moving his hands way from his eyes. His hands turn into fists.

“Cas still texts you every day. I don’t think he wants to give up, I think he wants to fix things.”

Dean looks at his brother. Maybe Sam is right. “I’ve gotta think about it.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I need to take a rest. I’ll see what I’m gonna do.” He stands up from the couch and before he goes towards his bedroom, he squeezes Sam’s shoulder. “Thank you. For this.”

Sam smiles. “You are welcome.”

 

The next day, Dean arrives home and he is alone. Sam is at Jessica’s house and he won’t be home until suppertime. Dean goes to his bedroom to do homework. He doesn’t have too much, but he wants to do it as soon as possible so he will have the rest of the day free.

He is about to finish his homework when his phone buzzes, indicating that it is a text message. And it is from Cas.

Dean looks at the screen. Last night he spend a big part of it thinking about he and Cas and all the things Sam said about it. And during classes he did pretty much the same. He even let Charlie know about it and explained her what happened on the terrible morning of that Thursday. Like Sam, she shocked at first and told him that Dean was blind. And she agreed with Sam that it seems that Cas still wants to fix things.

Dean wants to fix them, but he is so scared of fucking it up again. He looks at the screen, seeing Cas’ name on it. But this is what being in love means, right? You give your heart to someone and you trust them enough to not hurt it. Bad or good things can happen. The key is to stay together and put your hearts together when something bad happens and not to break completely the heart, because if you break it completely, there’s no way of putting it back together again. It never heals completely, it leaves scars and some pieces are missing, and it hurts a lot.

That’s what Dean doesn’t want and they have already been there. They broke each other’s hearts. But maybe, they can still put them together. Maybe they can put every single piece together, without missing any of them, and just leaving a small scar that will soon disappear.

If there’s still a chance for that, Dean is going to take it. He takes a deep breath; he doesn’t know what Cas’ text messages contain, but he is going to read them. He feels his heart hitting against his chest in an extremely high speed the moment he goes to the inbox.

There are several text messages from Cas. He starts to read them from the first one Cas sent. It was on that Thursday. And a lot of the following ones are from that day.

_**Dean, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. I was angry, I didn’t know what you were trying to say. I’m so sorry, please, I need you. I want to apologize. Please. I’m so sorry.** _

 

_**Answer me, I’m worried about you. I hurt you a lot and I want to apologize for everything. I want you to be okay. I want us to be okay. I’m terribly sorry for everything.** _

 

_**Tell me something, anything, to fuck off or something. I’m really worried, Dean. I was a fucking idiot for saying those things and hurting you like that. I can’t even forgive myself.** _

 

_**Dean, I know you aren’t okay. I am not either. Forgive me for doing such a terrible thing like that to you. You didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry I broke my promise of not hurting you.** _

 

_**I want you to be okay. I don’t care if I never see you again as long as you aren’t hurt anymore. I’m sorry for everything.** _

 

_**I wish you could forgive me, but I don’t think I’ll forgive myself. I’m a monster. I’m so sorry for hurting you the way I did. I can’t stop thinking about it. I just hope you are feeling better.** _

 

_**I love you. And yet, I hurt you. It’s understandable that you don’t want to forgive me. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. It hurts too much to know that I hurt you and that you are probably still hurt. I’m really sorry, Dean.** _

 

_**I can’t stop thinking about you for a single day. And I wonder how you are doing, but you are still ignoring me and I get it. But I can’t get you out of my head and regret everything I did and I said.** _

 

_**I fucked it up so bad. I’m sorry. I should have known better. It’s all my fault. I fucked up and hurt the person I most loved in this world. What kind of person am I?** _

 

_**Hope you are feeling better. I still want to apologize, even if I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I deserve to live a hell after what I did. But I want to apologize.** _

 

_**I’m starting to think that you will never read any of my messages, but I still want to let you know that I love you and that I’ll never forget you and that I will always be sorry for what I did.** _

 

_**You have a great and wonderful heart and I broke it into million pieces. I wish I knew how to put it together and take the pain away from you. I was never worth of someone as extraordinary as you.** _

 

_**I am sorry, Dean. So sorry. I love you. And I miss you. It hurts to wake up every day and know that I injured in that terrible way the person I most loved. And I still love.** _

 

_**You must hate me for everything and I still send you these texts, hoping that you will read them and answer them. They say it is never too late to say I’m sorry. Maybe for me it is. Who knows? But I still want to apologize.** _

 

_**You were never a fucking whore to me, Dean. Not even when we started. I’m sorry I never let you know how really important you were to me.** _

 

_**I’m sorry. I love you. There’s no forgiveness for me, but I want to remind you that you are wonderful and extraordinary. No matter what anybody else says. I love you, Dean. I’ll always love you. And I will never forgive myself.** _

Dean has tears in his eyes. His hands are trembling. With shaking fingers, he decides to listen to the message in his voicemail, which was left in between those messages. The moment he hears Cas’ voice, Dean lets out a shaky breath and he starts to sob.

“ _Dean, I know you are probably not going to hear this but— I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, trust me, I know it too well. But I still want you to know how sorry I am for what happened. I misunderstood you and I was really angry and I fucked it up Dean, I fucked it up so bad. The worst of all is that I promised you I will never hurt you and I hurt you. All because I didn’t understand what you were trying to say and I thought the worst of you. I won’t forgive myself for that and I know you won’t forgive me, I don’t deserve it. I just hope that you will feel better soon and that you find someone who deserves you, someone who isn’t a shit like me. I was never good enough for you and I will never be, Dean I want you to be happy and I’m not the right person for that. I hurt you and it is the worst thing I could do. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry Dean. I’m so sorry for hurting the person I most love. I— I love you. You won’t hear it, I know, but— just if someday you decide to listen to this, I just want you to know that I’m sorry and that— you deserve better. So much better. Goodbye, Dean._ ”

Dean can hear Cas’ crying and he can feel how hurt and heartbreaking he is. He means every single word of it and he regrets it. Dean wipes off the tears off his face and he starts to pant. Sam and Charlie were right; maybe, it isn’t too late to fix it. Maybe, it isn’t too late to have what they always wanted.

 

Dean tells Sam that he is going to work and that he is going to see Cas to talk about things after it. Sam grins happily and wishes him good luck. The truth is that Dean is directly going to Cas’ apartment, he hasn’t found any new job yet, but he still has to pretend that he has one.

He drives slower than usually to Cas’ apartment. His heart is beating really fast, his hands are sweating and he is extremely nervous. He knows what he has to say, but he sucks with words and he isn’t sure how things will go. Cas doesn’t know that he is going. Dean simply wants to show up without notifying him.

He stays in the car after he has parked it. He feels a black hole in his stomach and it isn’t helping him. He hasn’t been this nervous ever. He truly thinks that this will fix things, but what if it doesn’t? No, he has to stop with the negativity; it will only give him trouble.

Dean looks at the building and he sees that the lights in Cas’ apartment are on. He takes a deep breath and gets out of the car. The path to Cas’ front door never seemed this long before and it never made him feel this nervous. But he is finally in front of Castiel’s door. His finger trembles when he approaches it to the ring. He waits for Cas to open the door and it feels like an eternity, but he knows it is only some seconds.

When Cas opens the door, his eyes open widely in shock and surprise to see Dean there. Dean makes a shocked breath; it has only been two weeks since they last saw each other, but it feels as if were two months, or even two years. He hasn’t forgotten those blue eyes, which are now glassy and sad, with circles around them. Cas’ face used to be bright and happy, and now it is full of sadness, pain and devastation, but he is still as gorgeous as Dean remembers.

“Dean,” Castiel says. It sounds as if he was asking it, trying to make sure that the man standing in front of him is Dean. Castiel narrows his eyes, showing his confusion. Dean missed those little things about him.

“Hey Cas,” Dean greets nervous. “Can I— can I come in?”

“Yeah.” He nods and he steps aside to let Dean get into the apartment.

Dean walks in, not missing Castiel’s worried, regretful and confused face. He hears the door being closed behind him. Dean looks around; nothing has changed. Everything remains the same. He looks at the coffee table, where an opened sketchbook and several color pencils are.

“You’ve been drawing?” Dean asks pointing at the sketchbook. There’s only a sketch of what it seems to be some eyes.

“It helps me to ease the pain,” Castiel answers as he walks towards where Dean stands, behind the couch, with his hand resting on the outside back of it. “Why— why are you here?” he asks with a trembling voice.

Dean sighs and shrugs a little. “To talk.” He takes a deep breath. “I need to tell you a couple of things.”

“Before you say anything, I want to apologize for what I said.” His voice is all filled with pain and regret. “Dean, you aren’t—”

“Cas, I know,” Dean interrupts him. Castiel makes a confused face. “I’ve read your messages and heard your voicemail yesterday. You have apologized more than enough.” He makes a tiny smile and Castiel blushes a little.

“Still, I’m really sorry. I hurt you and—”

“Cas,” Dean says with a soft voice and their eyes meet. “I know. And I forgive you.” With that Castiel’s eyes open widely again, being shocked, not believing what Dean just said. “Okay, I— I gotta tell you some things and you know that I’m terrible with words, so I would like if you just let me tell you everything.” He sounds so shy and nervous.

“Okay.”

Dean nods. “Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “First I want to apologize. I— fucked things up too. And I hurt you too,” he begins to explain. His eyes are feeling glassy and he can see that Castiel’s are getting glassy as well. “We both got hurt and we fucked it up so bad.” He looks down and exhales sharply. “You called me that and I— it hurt. A lot.”

“I know,” Castiel says with a heartbreaking voice. “I was angry Dean, and— I don’t even know why I said that. You were never just a whore for me.” He looks so hurt. His blue eyes look bluer with the tears he is holding.

“Well, I— I made it look like it was just like that when we argued. I wasn’t explaining myself right. I was panicking and confused and, well, y’know it.” He bites his upper lip and he looks at Castiel’s expectant and sad eyes. “You were never just a client to me, Cas. Maybe the first month, or the two first weeks, I don’t know. The thing is that you soon became a friend, and then something more. And it has been a long time since I hated the moment when I saw at the end of every month that you paid me again. I hated to be reminded that what we had, wasn’t real. That after all, I was just a whore. Your whore.” He swallows and tries to hold his tears.

“And— and why— why didn’t you tell me?” he asks stuttering. He makes that adorable confused face that Dean adores, although this one also shows pain.

“How could I tell you that, Cas? You are fucking awesome. You are a neurosurgeon, an artist, so handsome, so smart, so nice, a bit awkward and sometimes a bit of a dick, but—” Both of them chuckle with that. “But you are awesome.” He looks at Cas with all the love of his heart and Cas makes a tiny timid smile. “And what was I? Just a fucking whore. I didn’t deserve you. You were too good for me.”

“Dean—” Cas tries to say with a heartbreaking voice. His eyes are about to drop tears.

“Let me— let me go on, Cas,” he asks for. Castiel nods. “I really— I really wanted to be more than that, but I knew that if I ever took that final step, I would hurt you and fuck you up and I didn’t want that. You deserved better. That’s why it hurt me so much when you told me that I was just a fucking whore, because I knew that you always saw beyond that, and—” He looks down and he lets a tear fall down his face.

“I know, Dean. I know.”

Dean tilts his head up to look at Castiel again. “The thing was that—” He takes a deep breath. “That I was gonna be just a fucking whore, that I was it, no matter what. And it hurt to know that you only saw that in that moment, even if, deep down, I knew you didn’t.” He looks down again and takes a deep breath. He hasn’t talked for this long about something this important and with this amount of feelings. “By the way, I’m no longer a whore, I quitted,” he adds trying to sound a bit casual.

“You did?” he asks surprised.

“Yeah. I couldn’t do it anymore after you. I—” He exhales again. “I didn’t want to.” He can see the relief in Castiel’s eyes. There’s a small silence in between them. Dean licks his lips and continues talking. “Cas I—” He shakes his head and he pinches the bridge of his nose. It’s hard to keep talking. There are still so many things to say. He has said most of them, but there are a few more left to say. “I shouldn’t have— Fuck, why is this so hard?”

Castiel approaches him, walking the small distance in between them. He squeezes Dean’s arm. “It’s okay, Dean.”

Dean forgot how easy Cas could calm him with so little. He smiles and nods and Castiel pulls his arm away. “You know, Sam was the one who helped me to open my eyes,” he keeps saying. “The thing is that I was so focused and worried and trying not to let you see what I felt about you, trying so hard not to fuck things up, not to hurt you, that I couldn’t see that you loved me. I wanted to refuse it, because why would Cas love a big shit like me?”

“That’s why you cut me off when I tried to tell you that I loved you?” Castiel’s voice is full of sadness and compression.

“Yeah. I didn’t want you to waste your time with someone who didn’t deserve you. That’s why I said all those things.” He looks down and then, he rubs his eyes. “But the main problem was something else.” Dean now looks up, seeing that Cas moves his eyes up to meet his. “The problem was that I didn’t want to admit that I was in love with you.” With that Castiel’s face turns into a shocked one and his eyes shine with tears on them. “It took me a long to finally admit that I love you. And— maybe if it isn’t too late for us, maybe we can fix everything and be together, like, y’know, a couple.” He shrugs his shoulder in a timid way.

Castiel blinks perplexed. “You want to be with me?”

“Yeah, I want to be with you.” Dean nods as he swallows hard. “I love you, Cas. I love you so fucki—” But he can’t finish the sentence because Cas cups his face and kisses him suddenly, with tears falling from his eyes. Dean is shocked at first, but then, he closes his eyes and places his hands on the small of Castiel’s back, pulling him closer. He missed so much those kisses.

“I love you, Dean,” Castiel says resting his forehead on Dean’s.

Dean smiles happily at those words. “So, that’s a yes?”

Castiel chuckles. “It is a yes.”

Dean lets out a relief breath. “Oh fuck, that’s awesome.” He kisses Cas’ again, feeling how Cas places his hands on his back, fisting his shirt.

“Yes, it is,” Castiel says. “No more lies, no more complications, no more shit like before, okay?” His eyes are fixed on Dean’s, as if he wanted to get into his soul. “Just you and me, together, all right?”

“All right,” Dean says smiling and nodding before kissing Cas briefly.

Castiel buries his face in the crook of Dean’s neck and he lets out a shaky breath. Dean hugs him tighter, bringing him impossibly closer. He doesn’t know how he could live those days without Cas’ warmth, without his voice, without his kisses. He didn’t know how much he has been needing Cas. And it seems that Cas has been the same.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Castiel says. “I thought I was never going to see you again.”

“I thought that too. And I didn’t want to,” Dean admits. He kisses Castiel’s head. “I tried to forget you but I couldn’t.” He nuzzles Castiel’s hair, smelling that overwhelming scent of him. “I love you so fucking much.”

“And I love you so fucking much too, Dean.” He makes a smile against Dean’s neck. When he pulls his face away, without releasing himself from Dean’s embrace, he smiles and he kisses Dean again in a lovely way. “Are you staying here tonight?”

“Of course,” Dean answers and Castiel smiles widely.

Castiel combs with one hand Dean’s short hair. “Do you want to do something special?” he asks with a sweet voice.

“I don’t care. Just cuddle in the couch or go to your bedroom and make love. I don’t care. I just want to be with you.”

Castiel laughs. “You are so cheesy sometimes,” he says and Dean glares him. “But I like it.” He kisses Dean. “I love everything about you, Dean.” He can’t stop smiling and Dean can’t either. He hasn’t felt this happy for weeks. He thought he wasn’t going to be happy again ever. “I love my assbutt so much.”

Dean laughs and kisses passionately Castiel with that. “Yeah, I’m your fucking assbutt.” They laugh brightly together and they kiss again. Soon they don’t know where each kiss finishes and starts, becoming hotter and more passionate. “Jump,” Dean says, and Castiel does it, placing his arms around Dean’s neck and his legs around his waist, with Dean holding him to avoid him falling. Castiel laughs with this. “You really like it when I carry you like this, huh?” he asks tilting his head up to look at that beautiful smile his boyfriend is making. Boyfriend. It really sounds good.

“Yes, I love it.” He laughs and Dean does it too.

They go to the bedroom and they make love. It feels better than any other time they had made it. This time it feels more real, both of them know it is real. It is all happiness and giggles when they are both done. They make love again that night. And after the second time, they cuddle and kiss until both of them are slept. Before that, they exchange several I love yous.

Dean hasn’t felt this happy before. And neither has Castiel.


	31. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter, a short epilogue.
> 
> Amanda ([fvalconbridge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fvalconbridge)) couldn't beta this chapter, but once she does it, I will upload it beated ^^

Dean smiles happily and proudly when he sees how Cas has put the upper dough of the pie perfectly. Castiel turns his face to give him that look that means ‘is it correct?’. Dean smiles brightly and draws Castiel into a kiss that melts both of them.

“It’s perfect,” Dean says after the kiss. Cas takes like the cherry of the filling they put into the pie. “If you keep doing things like that, you are gonna become a better cook than me.” He grabs the pie and puts it in the oven.

“That’s impossible. There’s no better cook than you,” Castiel says with a sweet voice. Dean turns his face to dedicate him a smile. “But I have to admit that now I make edible things at last. Thanks to you.”

Dean laughs sweetly. “And then why I’m still the one who cooks everything?” he asks in a sassily, giving him a cocky stare. He knows the answer, but he will always like to tease Cas. He closes the oven door and turns to face Castiel, placing his hands around Cas’ waist and pulling him closer.

“Because everything you cook is extraordinarily good while everything I cook is just passable. And you know it.” He smiles and kisses Dean tenderly.

The heat of July comes inside the apartment through all the windows that are opened. It isn’t too hot already, but the temperatures are quite high. The summer light paints the apartment in bright and warm colors, highlighting the usual intensity warmth of the apartment. And the hot breeze caresses their skin in a wonderful way along with the pie smell coming from the oven.

“We should clean up,” Castiel says in between kisses and giggling.

Dean smiles. “You sure you want to do that instead of kissing?” he sasses, arching his eyebrow and dedicating him a playful smile.

Castiel squeezes his nose in an adorable way and bites his lip. “The sooner we clean, the more free time for kissing we’ll have.”

Dean grimaces. “Okay. You convinced me.” He huffs and stelas a kiss from Cas’ sweet lips before pulling away and going towards the sink to wash some of the things they have used to make the pie.

Castiel meanwhile cleans the counter. When he is done, he walks towards Dean, who is still washing the roller, all covered with flour. He shocks slightly when Castiel slaps his ass. When Dean looks at his boyfriend, he has a big, cocky smile on his face. Dean can’t help laughing at that. Castiel joins his laughter as he starts to dry some of the utensils Dean just washed.

When Dean is done washing and Castiel is drying the last utensil, Dean places himself behind Cas and he squeezes his ass with both hands, making the blue eye man giggle, and he embraces Cas’ waist with both of his hands and he starts to kiss his neck, following a path until he arrives to the skin behind his ear. Castiel squirms in his arms and giggles.

“You thought I wasn’t gonna take my revenge?” Dean asks chuckling. He holds Castiel tighter in his arms.

“Of course that I knew it. I was wondering when you will have it,” Castiel admits giggling. He turns his face to kiss Dean’s lips happily and passionately.

Dean smiles brightly. It has been several months since they started being together, and no one of them gets tired of this. They don’t care if they are just making dinner together or sitting in the couch while Cas corrects some exams and Dean makes his homework or if they are in their bed making love, or if they go out on a date, or they go shopping or take a walk; it always feels awesome to be together.

Castiel kisses him again. His tongue makes its way into Dean’s mouth, making Dean moan. When they pull away, both of them are smiling. Dean kisses Castiel’s head and his shoulder. He looks at the tattooed skin under the sleeve of Castiel’s t-shirt. He lifts it to reveal part of the winged tattoo Cas got. He has seen it a lot of times but he can’t stop admiring it.

“You really like it,” Castiel says chuckling.

“It’s awesome,” Dean says as he strokes with his thumb some of the inked, black feathers. “I can’t believe you got it.” He nuzzles Castiel’s temple and kisses it, feeling the hot temperature of Castiel’s flush. He knows the reason behind that tattoo. Cas told him he was getting inked wings because Dean gave him wings and made him feel free. “I’m still waiting for you to design me something to get inked. Apart from the— what was that language?”

Castiel places his hands above Dean’s, stroking them gently and he rests his head on Dean’s shoulder to look at Dean. “Enochian.”

“Enochian. I want some awesome tattoo designed from you. I like having your name in enochian on one of my sides, but I want something freaking awesome designed by you.”

They got those tattoos no longer after Castiel’s wings. It just happened. After Cas surprised him one night with the tattoo, Dean loved it and both of them went the next day to get tattooed on their sides each other’s names in enochian. No one of them was scared about regretting this in the future. Both of them knew and know that nothing is going to tear them apart. They won’t let that happen. They haven’t been this happy ever and they love each other. The difficult part has been left far behind.

“You know how my inspiration is.” Castiel sighs and kisses Dean’s neck. “Whenever I have it, I’ll design something for you.”

“Awesome.” Dean kisses Cas. “Hey, what about we sit in the balcony while we wait for the pie to bake?”

“Sounds good.”

They walk towards the balcony, holding hands. They grab two chairs from the bedroom and they bring them out to the balcony. They sit on them and look at the city, feeling the warm temperature and the nice breeze on their skins. Dean closes his eyes and squeezes Castiel’s hand. He likes those moments.

As if Cas was reading his mind, he says, “I love these moments.”

Dean smiles. “Me too.” He opens his eyes and looks at Cas, looking as gorgeous as always with the sunlight, making his eyes shine brightly, making them bluer and making his skin tanner than it is. “You should have more days off.”

“Don’t worry. I only have to work tomorrow and then I’ll be on holidays for a month.” He rests his cheek on Dean’s shoulder, and Dean seizes the occasion to kiss the top of his head. “I will help you to bring your things here during that.”

“Don’t worry about that. I don’t have too many things to bring.” He takes a deep breath. “Are you sure you don’t mind if I bring all my nerd stuff like the Star Wars sword and all my movies and all that kind of stuff?”

Castiel chuckles and he moves his face to look directly at Dean. “I told you that I don’t.” He kisses Dean fondly. “I already told you that this is our home. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t love the things that make you who you are. And that includes all those things you have.”

“You are fucking awesome,” He says smiling and kissing Cas.

Dean hasn’t moved yet to Cas’ apartment. Which now it is their apartment. He is waiting for September to arrive, when Sam will go to Stanford. He will live there with Jessica while they study in an apartment they found. He will come to Kansas every time he can, but he will have to be living in California during the whole course. When classes are over, he will come back to Kansas and he will live in Dean and Sam’s house. After talking about it, they decided to keep the house. It cost them a lot of to find their home and they can’t let it go. Dean is going to live in the apartment with Cas, but that house will be opened for their family in Christmas, Thanksgiving and during any other special occasion.

Sam got a scholarship to study in Stanford, which means that Dean has a lot of money left for his own studies and to help Cas with the bills once he fully lives there. He hasn’t found a job yet and he hasn’t looked for one. Cas told him that he already worked enough and that if Dean needs money, he has a lot of savings. But Dean has money for a lot of years; he had a lot of money saved for Sam’s studies, but he got the scholarship and Sam told Dean to do with that money something that he really wanted, that he didn’t have to worry about Sam’s studies anymore. And it was a huge relief for Dean. So he is going to use that money for his own studies, to help Cas with the bills and for whatever it may come. Next course, he is going to have some practices and they will pay him, so that’s great. Finally everything seems to be going good in Dean’s life.

“Thinking about Sam going to college?” Castiel asks and he gives him his concerned look. It’s incredible how Cas seems to know what’s on Dean’s mind. Although Dean seems to have the same skill when it comes to his boyfriend.

“Yeah,” Dean says with a grimace.

Castiel squeezes Dean’s hand. “He will do great. In everything. His awesome brother taught him and raised him wonderfully great.”

Dean blushes a little and chuckles. “I know he will do good. It’s Sam, he’s great. It’s just that he is going so far and it’s not like me moving out, y’know, because we are still leaving in the same city. In less than fifteen minutes he can be here or I can be at the house. He is going to fucking California, Cas. What if something happens? There are so many miles away from us.”

“Don’t worry. He will do fine. And if you ever get the need to see him, we can go to California.”

“You know I’m afraid of flying.” He glares him.

“We can drive. We can make turns to drive. If you left me to drive your precious Impala.” He chuckles.

Dean lets out a chuckle of his own and makes a thoughtful face. “I don’t know, I’ll have to make you a drive test to make sure you are good enough for my baby.”

“You are an assbutt, Dean.”

“Do you realize about it now?”

Both of them laugh. There’s a small silence before Castiel says, “Still, we can drive. I worry about Sam too, you know it. And I’m sure he will appreciate seeing us.” He combs Dean’s hair with his other hand and Dean smiles.

“I’ve got the best boyfriend ever,” Dean says kissing Cas happily and gratefully.

“I’m sorry, but I’m the one who has the best boyfriend ever,” he rectifies with a smug face. Dean laughs and kisses Cas again. He will never get tired of kissing him. “He will be fine, Dean. And if he needs you or even me, he will call, don’t worry.”

“Yeah, he will.” Dean nods and squeezes Castiel’s hand again. They look at the horizon, seeing the blue sky, without any cloud on it. Soon, the blue will fade away and it will substituted by red, orange and yellow, and then, the darkness of the night will cover the sky, only lightened by the stars and the moon. Dean turns his face to look at Cas again, who turns his face when he notices Dean’s gaze. “You know that I love you, right?”

Castiel smiles happily, making those beautiful crinkles around his eyes appear. “Of course that I know it. And you do know that I love you.”

“I know.” Dean leans to kiss Cas again.

“I’m really happy. More than in my whole life.”

“Yeah. Me too.” He kisses Cas again. “And stop the cheesy speech, for fuck’s sake,” he says laughing after the kiss.  
Castiel moves his legs and kicks Dean’s calf playfully. “Assbutt,” he says before kissing Dean, although more than kissing, they are laughing. “You are a big assbutt.”

“But you love me.”

“Of course that I love you. I love you so much, Dean.” He kisses Dean with all the love in his heart, showing with the kiss how much he means his words.

“And I love you so fucking much too, Cas.” He cups Castiel’s face, brushing his wild hair with the tips of his fingers. The ring of the oven can be heard during the kiss, so both of them pull away. “Let’s go for the pie,” he says with an excited grin that makes Castiel make a big one of his own.

They walk towards the kitchen, sharing kisses during that path and holding hands, looking at each other happily. Maybe perfection doesn’t exist, but this is the closest thing to perfection, and Dean and Castiel love every single thing about their life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how thankful and happy I am, because I wasn't expecting this fic to be this succesful. Every comment, every kudo, every bookmark, every subscription and every visit made me smile. I'm so thankful and I'm so glad you liked this story. I don't have words to show how happy and glad I am.
> 
> So thank you to everyone who has read and who has stayed the whole ride. Thanks a lot, you are wonderful.


End file.
